Being picked to participate in a friend’s wedding in some capacity is, generally, seen as quite the honor. After all, who doesn’t want to share in their close friend’s special day? However, relationships are often a lot less clear cut than they might immediately seem, as some folks have different perspectives on certain moral issues.

A woman asked if she was wrong to refuse her friend’s request that she be her maid of honor after the bride revealed that she had been having an affair. We reached out to the woman who made the post via private message and will update the article when she gets back to us.

Learning that your friend is cheating on their fiancé might come as a shock to some

Image credits: Ave Calvar_(not the actual photo)

Which is why one woman decided to turn down her friend’s offer to be her maid-of-honor

Image credits: DragonImages_(not the actual photo)

Image credits: earth_dweller_

Infidelity is undeniably a complicated topic

As much as most folks do not want to talk about it, infidelity is a lot more common than one might think. One study from the 90s found that around half of American men have admitted to cheating on their partner at least once, while about one third of women reported cheating. While every study has its limitations, it’s worth noting that on sensitive and controversial topics like this, many people will actually underreport “wrongdoing”.

This means there is a reasonable chance that the numbers are actually quite a bit higher. This isn’t to say that cheating, infidelity and affairs are “good” and should just be accepted, but it’s important to understand that a lot of human life happens and is then never spoken about. So the woman’s friend telling her about it is surprising, since there aren’t that many circumstances where one would “accept” infidelity.

There are, of course, cases where cheating is considered “acceptable,” for example a person in an abusive relationship. Most of us would probably not begrudge a friend having an affair if they were very unhappy in their relationship, with the understanding that they will be getting out of it immediately. However, in this story the woman seems adamant about going through with her wedding, which is utterly unfair towards her partner.

She might have good reasons to not want to be faithful, but staying with a person is just horrible behavior. There is no reason to make someone go through with this marriage if they are pretty happy to be unfaithful. Indeed, her friend’s actions aren’t even that “extreme,” as she isn’t out there making demands or spilling secrets, she just no longer wants to be the maid of honor. After all, that would mean stepping into a pretty complicated situation in a way most folks would want to avoid.

Image credits: Getty Images_(not the actual photo)

People who have been cheated on tend to struggle with it afterwards

Her participation, after learning about her friend’s infidelity might be a hard pill to swallow, hence why wanting to back out seems perfectly normal. Importantly, she isn’t pressuring her friend to do anything, even though many folks out there might already make an ultimatum here. It’s a pretty messy situation and it’s surprising her friend even told her about it in the first place.

As the aforementioned studies suggest, it’s not a topic people want to talk about. Infidelity is one of the “line in the sand” kind of issues, most relationships would not survive it. It’s also not a “victimless” crime, studies suggest that learning your partner has been unfaithful comes with a slew of issues, generally worsening mental health.

People who’ve been cheated on often deal with depression, anxiety, trust issues and women in particular often end up engaging in self-destructive behavior to cope. This is all to say that it’s almost always better to just end your relationship first. Wanting to still get married is delusional at best and downright cruel at worst. It’s a pretty selfish thing to do when there is a pretty reasonable chance the future spouse will find out. It’s likely that this would lead to “did you know?” questions from the fiancé, which this woman, justifiably, wants to avoid.

Image credits: Getty Images_(not the actual photo)

She gave some more info later

Most folks understood why she wouldn’t want to be a maid of honor

Some readers shared similar experiences

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