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Ever had a heated online argument with a stranger, only to think of the perfect comeback three days later? Well, on the internet clock, a few days might as well be an eternity, and everyone’s already moved on.
But over on r/clevercomebacks, wasting time is unheard of. With over 2 million members, this subreddit is full of sharp retorts for any situation. At Bored Panda, we’re big fans. So we’ve rounded up the best comebacks they have to offer. Keep reading, you might just find the right response to silence that next awkward comment.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Yep May Be It Is True
The feeling of disappointment when you don’t have a clever reply on the spot actually has a name—it’s called ‘l’esprit de l’escalier’, or ‘staircase wit’. This term was coined by the 18th century French philosopher Denis Diderot in his dramatic essay, Paradox of the Actor.
The phrase comes from an incident Diderot had over dinner. “A sensitive man, such as myself, overwhelmed by the argument leveled against him, becomes confused and doesn’t collect his thoughts until he’s at the bottom of the stairs,” the philosopher wrote.
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There’s a reason why we sometimes freeze and struggle to respond when someone says something upsetting. Our body sees it as a social danger and goes into defense mode.
“When someone says something offensive or harmful that hurts us or hurts a member of a community that’s really important to us, our nervous system can get activated,” said psychologist Kerry McBroome for Time Magazine. “The parts of the brain that are responsible for coming up with clever or witty things to say are just not online—they’re nervous and sensing a threat.”
#3
Never Underestimate A Woman
Kristy Marion 7 months ago
Men, you can’t have babies. Sit down when *women’s* reproductive rights are discussed
#4
Found It On Twitter. Hope I Am Not Too Late
Of course, some folks are naturally good at throwing verbal punches and do so whenever they can. But if you need some pointers in that area, blogger and podcaster Myke Macapinlac has tips on how to be more quick-witted and funny.
According to him, one of the first things you should learn is how to stay present in the moment. “Catch yourself when you’re ruminating and remind yourself to slow down your breathing. By doing so, you’ll be able to relax your body and bring yourself back to your current situation,” he advises.
#5
Kid Has A Bright And Shocking Future In Front Of Him
#6
Just Another Reason To Keep My Purple Hair
If you’re having a conversation, Myke suggests really focusing on what the other person is saying. “It’s much easier to come up with the right things to say when you’re actually listening,” he notes.
#7
“Migrants Can’t Assimilate Into Society”
#8
They Don't Give A Damn
Kristy Marion 7 months ago
I genuinely admire anyone that chooses to join the military to protect their country, however the idolising of Veterans in America never sits well with me. When you stir up patriotism, and putting civil servants on pedestals and paying such a low minimum wage that joining the armed forces is the only way out, yet shoe no care for returning and ex serviceman, except for give them 10% discounts everywhere and a “thank you for your service”, well, it seems to be like big business and corporations are involved somewhere,
#9
Well Then Rip
Another key tip is to stop caring so much. Macapinlac points out, “Most individuals who struggle socially think that all eyes are on them. They’re so afraid of being judged by others that’s why they stifle their personality. To avoid embarrassing themselves, they just remain quiet.”
“Even if you say something silly, I can assure you that people would’ve forgotten about you by the time they get home”. By letting go of this fear, you’ll be more relaxed, which will help you make clever remarks faster.
#10
What A Good Reply
#11
Keep Your Stick On The Ice
Luke Branwen 7 months ago
Reminds me of that old joke: "We asked people how they view lesbian relationships. The question had to be rephrased after majority of responders answered 'in high definition'."
#12
Love This Guy
Sometimes it’s good to prepare in advance. “Get a piece of paper and take the time to reflect. Think of previous situations where you wanted to say something clever but you weren’t able to. And then, brainstorm some good comebacks that you could’ve said,” the blogger recommends.
#13
I Don’t Care If Repost Made Me Laugh
#14
Not Be A Baby Machine
#15
Oof. That Burn Needs Some Love
It’s also important to manage your emotions. When you’re calm and collected, you come across as more confident. Macapinlac encourages trying out meditation and journaling to be more mindful.
“[This] will allow you to control the way you think. You’ll be able to identify and reframe your limiting beliefs. This will help you become less reactive, especially during stressful moments”.
#16
Please Wear A Mask And Stay Safe
james stevenson 7 months ago (edited)
That's pretty much the best explanation of why we wore face masks I've ever seen.
#17
You're The Problem
#18
Room Temperature IQ
Don’t forget to take inspiration from others. “What better way to improve your sense of humor than by watching more comedy shows and stand-up routines,” Myke says. “Pay close attention to [the comedian’s] material. Notice the timing and delivery of the joke. When something amuses you, ask yourself why by taking a moment to analyze it”.
#19
Who Orders Small Coffee Anyway?
General Anaesthesia 7 months ago
The weakest minds need someone, anyone, to look down on for no reason.
#20
Just Try Not Being Straight For Awhile
araT sdrawkcaB 7 months ago
And forgetting your kids birthday 3 years running? I’m adopting your son. You’re fired.
#21
Why Don't You Stand Up For Yourself?
However, if you’re around someone you want to build a lasting relationship with, be considerate and don’t say things that could ruin someone’s day. “If you want to learn how to be witty and funny, always leave people better than before you met them.”
#22
Some Good Luck!
#23
Thank You Andy Wang!
#24
It Was Social Distancing Haha
Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My! 7 months ago
I thought dinosaurs were just a prank of Satan's, since the world is only 6000 years old.
Lastly, be patient with yourself and make an effort to get out of your comfort zone. “The more you practice, the better you’ll be at bantering with people,” Myke concludes.
#25
Definitely Atheists That Do This
Bernd Herbert 7 months ago
I'm really annoyed by all those atheistic phrases people are using every day. Like "For nothing's sake" or "My Notthing!" and the ever present "Thank nothing!"
#26
I Understand Completely
LakotaWolf (she/her) 7 months ago
Burning people alive? Yep, that sounds exactly like organized religion to me! Leave people alone when they're not of your faith? Nope! Gotta convert them! Oh, wait, they're unwilling to be converted? Better kill them!
#27
Whatever Your Weakness, There's A Hellion To Exploit It
The.Butterfly.Effect.530 7 months ago
Goodwill does this... just one more reason to not take your business there.
So next time, we hope you have the confidence and quick wit to deliver that perfect comeback. Stay sharp!
#28
They Also Don't Come In Exciting Anime
Jack Burton 7 months ago
It could be cool if they do. Imagine hiking and then something jump from a tree branch yelling Squiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirel !!!
#29
Whatttt !?? No Vegan Options At KFC!???
#30
British Museum
#31
Idk If This Has Been Posted Before, But I Love His Little Smile
#32
Look Before You Leap
Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My! 7 months ago
God gave us brains so we could use them. If He didn't want us to learn how to prevent and cure disease, how to enhance the lives of the disabled, to fix what is broken, He wouldn't have given us brains!
#33
I Hope This Hasn’t Been Done Before
#34
Stealing The Rainbow
#35
Separate Payments
#36
Big Footprints To Fill
#37
Education Is Vitally Important, After All
detective miller's hat 7 months ago
I have met brick walls that are more sentient than Marjorie Taylor Greene.
#38
Bless This Woman
#39
Why Would They Need To Am I Rite?
Anya Beboop 7 months ago (edited)
I do to get groceries without a large crowd and lines.Also allergic to the sun.
#40
People Really Live In Their Own Little Bubbles
#41
Comeback
Bernd Herbert 7 months ago (edited)
Imagine that person writing that respone and thinking:"There. Clown shoes. The perfect analogy! Let's see them coming back from that one!"
#42
Comeback
#43
Comeback
Stardust she/her 7 months ago
The hymen can tear without sexual activity. Sometimes you’re not even born with it. The hymen isn’t like one of those freshness seals
#44
Simple Math To Hard
#45
Can Anyone Show Martha The Original Constitution ?
Jack Burton 7 months ago
Why don"t they go full amish and live like old pioneers, these stupid just want the modern world with our way to see the world. How crazy.
#46
True Perfection Has Been Achieved
#47
Comeback
Little Wonder 7 months ago
I saw a photo of one of those lockdown rhymes they're teaching kindergarten kids in case of active shooter, and someone replied "Sure, we have to be prepared for any natural disaster" and the mere fact this person considers an active shooter to be an unavoidable natural disaster says a LOT about the mindset of a lot of (not all of) Americans.
Kare Deter 7 months ago
As a teacher who has heard this idea more than once: NO. WE (most of us) don't want to carry guns. Can't imagine the palsied 86 year old teacher pulling out a Glock and trying to aim for the bad guy. No, no, no, no.
Verena 7 months ago
Can't be easy, and must actually be terrifying, living in a country where everybody needs to be armed for self-defence, because somebody might get crazy with their guns
Puggy 7 months ago
What's really scary is that only 35% of US citizens own guns, but there are more guns than people.If one gun isn't enough to soothe your insecurities, why would 10 guns do it?
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Dread Pirate Roberts 7 months ago (edited)
Wow, there is so much stupid in everything that Rick guy said. I love how he also assumes that all teachers can even be trusted with a gun 🤦♀️
Trisec Tebeakesse 7 months ago
My cousin is in law enforcement. He said it once - it doesn't matter if you are trained, licensed, and registered. All I know is when I show up, I see an idiot waving a gun around and act accordingly.
Tom Brincefield 7 months ago
At least one "good guy with a gun" successfully stopped a shooter. Then the cops showed up, saw a guy with a gun standing over a body and killed him. Because all they knew was it was an active shooter situation.
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Dane 6 months ago
I live in America, and I blame my education for not understanding this. When a kid was throwing rocks on the school playground, for some reason, the teachers never told the rest of us to pick up rocks and start throwing. Had I only known, I could have stopped these "rock-thrower" 50 years ago!
Zoey Rayne 7 months ago
The only devil's advocate defense I will give in the face of this stupid argument is that the teachers value the lives of the children more than these cowardly cops. Do the job you trained for.
Nicole Weymann 5 months ago
They may. Hopefully they do. But then again teachers are only human, and just as vulnerable to being overworked, underpaid, angry, desperate, disrespected, burned out, etc. as everybody else. So chances are high that 1) teachers going on a shooting spree may just increase the number of amok runners and their victims, and 2) potential amok runners won't have to bring their own guns to school, they'll just have to take/find/steal/blackmail the teacher for the ones already there.
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Wielder of Yielder 6 months ago
Why not give all the kids guns, too? That way, no kid would ever get shot.
Tracey Stammers 6 months ago
Guns, Schools, Americans - You are probably the only western nation that encourages the carrying of this type of weapon as a right/expectation. It is the laws and the Ostrich head in the sand elements of the US that sees the solution of adding more weapons to the mix as a solution. God forbid that this behaviour is picked up elsewhere.
Uncle Schmickle 6 months ago
Yeah, let's arm the kids too. At playtime they can practice shooting each other.
Congruent Empath 6 months ago
Teachers have enough to deal with like overcrowded classes and uncontrollable behavior problems. Just imagine if a disgruntled middle or high schooler was able to take the teacher's firearm for his own purposes. Or if an elementary school student got possession of one and was curious as to how it worked. Yeah, let's spend millions of dollars to arm teachers and let them wallow in low salaries, unsupportive administrators, unsupportive and entitled parents, and lack of classroom supplies.
Steve Hall 7 months ago
If teachers carried guns, none of my kids would have survived elementary school.
Rob D 7 months ago (edited)
Conservatives talk about a good guy stopping a bad guy like it's easy. As a gun owner, is absolutely scary how undertrained and underperforming 95% of gun owners are. Most pistols (but actually their operators; the pistol itself is accurate AF) have a truly accurate range (given the lack of training) of 5 to 7 yards, especially those meant for carry with 3-4 inch barrels. ...I can't believe, even, Republicans, can't watch a police shooting where 3 cops unload 34 rounds apiece into an suv and don't hit a thing, and think teacher/staff carry is a viable solution. And let's briefly touch on training/expense (in FLA). A 50 rd box of decent 9mm is $15. Range fee: $20-40. Is the 45K/year social studies teacher prepared to go through 3 or 4 boxes per range session, a couple sessions per week, in perpetuity? Cause that's the scary bare minimum training it would take to even feign competence with a firearm if it really mattered.
Purple_bio 6 months ago
America is the defo of a sims game that had everything given at the wrong time and left to run it self for a 100 years, in simple, completely fu(keD
Kyllein MacKellerann 7 months ago
Solve the "Gun Problem" with better background checks and manditory training on the weapon you want to buy. Most "checks" today take less than a day and only look for felonies in the applicant's past.
Meagan Glaser 7 months ago
"we should arm teachers so they can protect kids" "in case the police can't get their in time?" "no, because the police say they don't have to protect kids" "why don't we make it part of the police's job to protect kids? They already HAVE guns and know how to use them" "...no" "?" "Look, I always thought I could be a hardcore heroic Die Hard style hero in a pinch, and I don't care how little sense I make or how many children have to die. I will NOT let that fantasy be punctured!"
Sierra Tide 7 months ago
On a different note.... I would watch a movie about the lunch lady, the librarian, the janitor and both the math and science teacher forming an after school vigilante group going after school bullies that terrorize other students and teachers 🍿
That Person 7 months ago (edited)
We had a lockdown this year. A bunch of people initially thought it was a drill, but it lasted for about half an hour, they did not announce it previously, and had not informed the teachers. My friends and I, upon realizing the abnormality of the situation, began calmly (and quietly) discussing the possible weapons in the room, possible escape routes, etc. The best weapon we found was a hydroflask. It’s a good weapon, but the problem is it is close range, so if the assailant had a gun (which the assailant probably would) it would be far too risky to attempt to use. My geometry teacher said she wished she was allowed to have a gun because we would be otherwise defenseless. We were on the second story, so if it came to making a run for it, we could not jump out without probably injuring ourselves. We later found out that it was an “elevated drill.” The police department didn’t like that our school didn’t take the lockdown drills seriously (students talking loudly and having a casual view of the situation) so they forced our school to do that. They did not notify anyone beforehand. Most of the students, myself included, thought there was a real threat to the school. Many of those kids also experienced trauma from that day and parents were infuriated at the school. The principal had to formally apologize on the morning announcements and proclaim that the school will never again do what they did that day.
Robert Davis 7 months ago
That Texas Police Department should be renamed Vulva PD, because they are a bunch of pu$$ie$.
B W 7 months ago
Instead of guns we should call them small peepee protectors. Huge Super Bowl commercials with limp, and fragile ‘Mericans in leotards.
Vinnie 7 months ago
Unless it's changed, the Super Bowl is not for ballet. Anyways, I wouldn't pick a fight with a guy who could lift me high over his head. I'm not big, but I do weigh a bit more than a football.
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#49
I Hate Anti-Maskers
#50
Old But Gold
Add New Image
What do you think ?
Ace 7 months ago
Again? Pretty sure all of these were included the last time this list was posted.
Vincent Bevort 7 months ago
Why do you think this site is called Bored panda. To get bored!
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Jack Burton 7 months ago
Some are really great and it was funny even if i knew them, but yeah that was a lot of repost, most of these date from 2020 covid stuff
CanadianDimes 7 months ago
Nothing funny has happened since then. It is known 😆
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Jeroen de Wijn 7 months ago
Wow Oleksandra Kyryliuk, what a treasure trove of Covid-era funny posts. So refreshing. May I suggest some Y2K humour for your next hit article?
Multa Nocte 7 months ago
Agreed, but not the exact same ones again, please.
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Kare Deter 7 months ago
I'm starting to believe that all these BP 'writers' are just AI making up fake bios and scraping old post, other sites putting together stuff that kinda fits into a grouping that will certainly change its title at LEAST once - if not more as people point out the title doesn't quite fit.
StankleBerry 6 months ago (edited)
So the Asian name W'a.n,g needs to be censored. Pretty sure that is racist.
Ace 7 months ago
Again? Pretty sure all of these were included the last time this list was posted.
Vincent Bevort 7 months ago
Why do you think this site is called Bored panda. To get bored!
Load More Replies... Jack Burton 7 months ago
Some are really great and it was funny even if i knew them, but yeah that was a lot of repost, most of these date from 2020 covid stuff
CanadianDimes 7 months ago
Nothing funny has happened since then. It is known 😆
Load More Replies... Jeroen de Wijn 7 months ago
Wow Oleksandra Kyryliuk, what a treasure trove of Covid-era funny posts. So refreshing. May I suggest some Y2K humour for your next hit article?
Multa Nocte 7 months ago
Agreed, but not the exact same ones again, please.
Load More Replies... Kare Deter 7 months ago
I'm starting to believe that all these BP 'writers' are just AI making up fake bios and scraping old post, other sites putting together stuff that kinda fits into a grouping that will certainly change its title at LEAST once - if not more as people point out the title doesn't quite fit.
StankleBerry 6 months ago (edited)
So the Asian name W'a.n,g needs to be censored. Pretty sure that is racist.
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