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BF Spends Whole Night Consoling Ex-GF In Bed, Thinks Setting Up Camera Will Show GF His Innocence
Interview With Expert
Clingy exes can spell doom for their previous partner’s relationship, especially if they really want to get back together. They might go to the craziest lengths to woo their past lover or slyly place obstacles in their current relationship.
That is what happened to a guy whose ex-girlfriend couldn’t accept that he had moved on. When his partner was away, the woman took her chance to gain his sympathy and worm her way back into his heart. Weirdly enough, he recorded everything to prove his innocence to his girlfriend.
More info: Reddit
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Nobody wants to believe that their partner could still have feelings for their ex, even if the proof is staring them right in the face
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The woman’s boyfriend, James, had broken up with his ex, Winnie, two years ago, but since she believed they were soulmates, she had never truly gotten over their relationship
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Once, after the poster had gone to stay at her parents’ house for the weekend, Winnie went over to the house in tears expecting James to comfort her
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The poster found out that Winnie had gone over after seeing their doorbell camera footage, but the real kicker was when James showed her a recording that he had taken of the incident
Image credits: ThrowRAundecided393
The video recording showed James and Winnie in bed, with him consoling her while she cried, but even though James didn’t cheat, the situation really hurt his girlfriend
The biggest problem with the entire thing was how much Winnie, the ex-girlfriend, still wanted to be in contact with James. She couldn’t get over their breakup, and he did nothing to set boundaries with her or to get her to move on. That led to countless moments where he would console or reassure her, which obviously made the OP uncomfortable.
To understand more about dealing with clingy exes, Bored Panda reached out to Jessica Boss, a professional breakup and relationship expert. Jessica has a Bachelor of Arts in Psychology and studied relationship dynamics at the University of Waterloo. She is also a featured columnist for Love Learnings.
We asked her why it’s so hard for some people to move on after a breakup. She said that “breaking up has a similar impact on our mental health to losing a loved one, so it’s not unusual for someone to struggle with intense grief and feelings of hopelessness and despair. As time passes, these feelings should subside naturally.”
“When someone can’t get over an ex, it’s often due to other problems in their own life. Typically, it means they lack self-esteem and confidence. They can’t move on because they feel that this person is irreplaceable because they feel they don’t truly deserve love from someone else,” Jessica explained.
It definitely seems like Winnie couldn’t bear to be on her own and needed James to always be in her life. So, when the OP and her partner moved in together, the ex-girlfriend broke down completely. James had to keep comforting her through her depression and crying fits instead of staying firm and letting her deal with her emotions on her own.
Jessica advised that people should “set firm boundaries and separate completely from their ex. They’re doing them no favors by continuing to humor them. In fact, if you coddle your ex in this way, you’re actually extending their period of mourning over the relationship. Take space from your ex and go no-contact as soon as possible.”
Image credits: cookie_studio / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Things went from bad to worse while the girlfriend was away. Winnie went over to her ex’s house and spent time with him in his bed. Although James had recorded the entire situation to show his girlfriend that nothing untoward happened, the OP obviously felt extremely hurt by it. She was still unsure whether James had done anything wrong by comforting his Winnie.
Jessica Boss explained that “video evidence aside, spending time in bed with your ex is never acceptable in a relationship. It’s emotional and physical cheating and shows a lack of respect for the relationship and for his girlfriend. They may not have [been intimate], but it’s still not okay. Not by a long shot.”
James did not seem to realize his mistakes at all and wanted his girlfriend to forgive him completely for everything that had happened. Netizens told her not to give in, because it was clear that he would never set boundaries with Winnie and that weird stuff would keep happening.
We asked Jessica what a person should do to set boundaries with their partner’s ex, especially if the ex’s behavior heavily impacts their relationship. She said, “It shouldn’t be up to the girlfriend to set boundaries here. All she can do is clearly express her discomfort with their relationship.”
“Once you’ve reached the point of ultimatums or bargaining with your partner or their ex, the relationship is already taking serious damage. The boyfriend needs to make it clear to his ex that he isn’t interested and that she needs to move on. He needs to commit to never spending time with her alone again, and he needs to take steps to repair things with his partner,” she added.
Nobody wants to believe that their partner still harbors feelings for their past flame, but when the evidence is so damning, the truth must be accepted. Hopefully, the woman will decide to move on and find someone else who doesn’t have a clingy ex-girlfriend in tow.
What do you think about the weird relationship between James and Winnie? Let us know your thoughts in the comments.
People felt that the poster was naive in trusting her boyfriend and urged her to break things off with him since he was obviously not over his ex
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What do you think ?
Trillian 1 week ago
I don't care if he slept with her or not, if he can't set boundaries and not console his EX a whole night long 2 YEARS after the break up he should not be in another relationship (and I have no idea why OP puts up with this and even chose to move together with him).
meeeeeeeeeeee 1 week ago
He'll probably spend their wedding night with the ex to make sure she's OK and have the ex in the room while she's delivering their first child, current gf is over on the bed screaming in labour and he and the ex are sitting holding hands while he pets her head and asks if she's OK hahaha
Load More Replies...
Ai 1 week ago
There is no friendship with ex if one of the sides still has feelings. James is just cruel to both - his ex and new girlfriend.
tori Ohno 1 week ago
And he knows exactly what he's doing. It's an ego boost to pit the two women against each other.
Load More Replies...
Gwyn 1 week ago
This will eventually break them up and the ex knows it. That's why she's doing it.
Janelle Collard 1 week ago
Console your ex in MY bed? F**k no. Sounds like he's not ready to *actually* move on OR he enjoys *consoling* ex too much. I'd break up with him. He's made his choice. And kisses and hugs? 😡
meeeeeeeeeeee 1 week ago
Ewwww, he's got some f****d up control thing going on with that ex and yes, it's cheating to be intimately lying in bed with your ex while kissing their forehead and refusing to answer the phone. And he has recorded that s**t for the new gf to watch as he's trying to break her down mentally too, she'll be the next mental ex lol. The guy is f****d in the head. P.S. she only knows they didn't f**k in the bedroom
KatSaidWhat 1 week ago
You absolutely do NOT let an ex sleep in your bed, particularly one that is not over you. It's disrespectful and the ex needs to get therapy and he needs to cut her off as that is the only way. Unfortunately she will escalate that to threats of self harm/suicide. Time for either them to end properly, or you to end the relationship.
Orysha 1 week ago
You should worry about what's not on camera. The only healthy next step is breaking up.You were gone for one week-end and she's already in your bed, unless she's put some spyware your boyfriend told her he would be alone and available. The ex seems to be a psycho or at least very depressed, your excuse of a boyfriend a very manipulative jerk (he could and should have told her no you can't come) and you a very gullible person.
Susie Elle 1 week ago
James is feeding into Winnie's dependence on him, because he's loving it.
Fellfromthemoon 1 week ago
Nobody tells that recording his ex in the bedroom was creepy AF? I don't care that nothing "explicit" happened: the other woman was in pain and vulnerable and she was recorded, I'm pretty sure, w/o her consent. Otherwise I agree with everybody who tells that keeping a relationship with a mentally very much unwell ex is a dealbreaker.
Sara Shamsabadi 1 week ago
when your 'healthy' relationship makes YOU, (the one arguably being wronged) look & sound crazy, you need to end it. He is not her therapist and she needs actual therapy. So does your bf for thinking he is her counselor. You either move on & maintain healthy boundaries if for some odd reason you choose to stay friends, or you are involving yourself willingly in their relationship drama, which is clearly still going on.
tori Ohno 1 week ago
I'd dump him. She's basically stalking and harassing him, and he needs to grow a pair and not let her in the house. Holding her and consoling her? More like playing two women against each other. A guy tried playing that game with me and his ex once, I dumped him and married someone else. This guy's a creep, throw that rotten mackerel back to his crazy ex.
BrownEyedPanda 1 week ago
OP is being groomed into accepting this arrangement that only benefits her (hopefully soon-to-be ex) fiancé. If she really believes that nothing is going on between him and his ex, I have a bridge in San Francisco she might want to purchase for a song.
Ashley Noelle 1 week ago
Just no. I recently tried being friends with someone I dated and started to fall hard for. And after a few months I was the one who ended the friendship but I honestly think he should have been because he knew my feelings and it was hurting me the whole time. This is not okay for you or for her. Either he cuts off all contact or you should jump ship.
Tyranamar Suess 9 hours ago
This is gross. What did I just read? This man is letting another woman snivel all over him? For 2 years? In their bed? What could possibly be attractive about that?
Shannon Donnelly 1 week ago
I'm gonna give the BF the benefit of the doubt & believe he's really trying to be a good guy here & handle his unstable ex with kid gloves, as I have some friends who have done this in the past. What they don't understand is they are just making it worse for the ex b/c it just provides her with false hope that maybe they will get back together some day if she keeps the connection going. He needs to make a clean break with her & let her find someone else to take care of her issues. She is no longer his responsibility. And if he can't do that, OP needs to dump him. Sounds like he has Florence Nightengale syndrome and thinks he can fix the wounded. Not his problem anymore.
Kkg 1 week ago
It's even worse IMO. I think she (Winnie) keeps doing it hoping they will break up. And then she will be there for him to console him in her bed...
Load More Replies... Trillian 1 week ago
I don't care if he slept with her or not, if he can't set boundaries and not console his EX a whole night long 2 YEARS after the break up he should not be in another relationship (and I have no idea why OP puts up with this and even chose to move together with him).
meeeeeeeeeeee 1 week ago
He'll probably spend their wedding night with the ex to make sure she's OK and have the ex in the room while she's delivering their first child, current gf is over on the bed screaming in labour and he and the ex are sitting holding hands while he pets her head and asks if she's OK hahaha
Load More Replies... Ai 1 week ago
There is no friendship with ex if one of the sides still has feelings. James is just cruel to both - his ex and new girlfriend.
tori Ohno 1 week ago
And he knows exactly what he's doing. It's an ego boost to pit the two women against each other.
Load More Replies... Gwyn 1 week ago
This will eventually break them up and the ex knows it. That's why she's doing it.
Janelle Collard 1 week ago
Console your ex in MY bed? F**k no. Sounds like he's not ready to *actually* move on OR he enjoys *consoling* ex too much. I'd break up with him. He's made his choice. And kisses and hugs? 😡
meeeeeeeeeeee 1 week ago
Ewwww, he's got some f****d up control thing going on with that ex and yes, it's cheating to be intimately lying in bed with your ex while kissing their forehead and refusing to answer the phone. And he has recorded that s**t for the new gf to watch as he's trying to break her down mentally too, she'll be the next mental ex lol. The guy is f****d in the head. P.S. she only knows they didn't f**k in the bedroom
KatSaidWhat 1 week ago
You absolutely do NOT let an ex sleep in your bed, particularly one that is not over you. It's disrespectful and the ex needs to get therapy and he needs to cut her off as that is the only way. Unfortunately she will escalate that to threats of self harm/suicide. Time for either them to end properly, or you to end the relationship.
Orysha 1 week ago
You should worry about what's not on camera. The only healthy next step is breaking up.You were gone for one week-end and she's already in your bed, unless she's put some spyware your boyfriend told her he would be alone and available. The ex seems to be a psycho or at least very depressed, your excuse of a boyfriend a very manipulative jerk (he could and should have told her no you can't come) and you a very gullible person.
Susie Elle 1 week ago
James is feeding into Winnie's dependence on him, because he's loving it.
Fellfromthemoon 1 week ago
Nobody tells that recording his ex in the bedroom was creepy AF? I don't care that nothing "explicit" happened: the other woman was in pain and vulnerable and she was recorded, I'm pretty sure, w/o her consent. Otherwise I agree with everybody who tells that keeping a relationship with a mentally very much unwell ex is a dealbreaker.
Sara Shamsabadi 1 week ago
when your 'healthy' relationship makes YOU, (the one arguably being wronged) look & sound crazy, you need to end it. He is not her therapist and she needs actual therapy. So does your bf for thinking he is her counselor. You either move on & maintain healthy boundaries if for some odd reason you choose to stay friends, or you are involving yourself willingly in their relationship drama, which is clearly still going on.
tori Ohno 1 week ago
I'd dump him. She's basically stalking and harassing him, and he needs to grow a pair and not let her in the house. Holding her and consoling her? More like playing two women against each other. A guy tried playing that game with me and his ex once, I dumped him and married someone else. This guy's a creep, throw that rotten mackerel back to his crazy ex.
BrownEyedPanda 1 week ago
OP is being groomed into accepting this arrangement that only benefits her (hopefully soon-to-be ex) fiancé. If she really believes that nothing is going on between him and his ex, I have a bridge in San Francisco she might want to purchase for a song.
Ashley Noelle 1 week ago
Just no. I recently tried being friends with someone I dated and started to fall hard for. And after a few months I was the one who ended the friendship but I honestly think he should have been because he knew my feelings and it was hurting me the whole time. This is not okay for you or for her. Either he cuts off all contact or you should jump ship.
Tyranamar Suess 9 hours ago
This is gross. What did I just read? This man is letting another woman snivel all over him? For 2 years? In their bed? What could possibly be attractive about that?
Shannon Donnelly 1 week ago
I'm gonna give the BF the benefit of the doubt & believe he's really trying to be a good guy here & handle his unstable ex with kid gloves, as I have some friends who have done this in the past. What they don't understand is they are just making it worse for the ex b/c it just provides her with false hope that maybe they will get back together some day if she keeps the connection going. He needs to make a clean break with her & let her find someone else to take care of her issues. She is no longer his responsibility. And if he can't do that, OP needs to dump him. Sounds like he has Florence Nightengale syndrome and thinks he can fix the wounded. Not his problem anymore.
Kkg 1 week ago
It's even worse IMO. I think she (Winnie) keeps doing it hoping they will break up. And then she will be there for him to console him in her bed...
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