This is way more accurate than "time heals all wounds" because it really doesn't.

I was in the grocery store about 6 weeks after my mom died. Had a cart full of food and look up to see a bottle of seasoning she always used, I never used it. As soon as I saw that bottle it was like everything welled up in me. Every meal we had involved that seasoning and of course meals tie so many family events together. I saw that bottle and felt like I was punched in the stomach, all the air was gone. I started crying and pushing my cart down the aisle trying to get distance. Trying not to think about the bottle. Next thing I know I am doubled over and sobbing...I couldn't breathe, couldn't stop crying, couldn't do anything but leave that cart and run out to my car. I made it home, ran into my living room and grabbed a pillow and pushed my face into and let out a primal scream and felt that moment was a huge turning point. I had been acting like everything was normal and it wasn't. I hadn't dealt with my grief until that day.

My therapist suggested I write a letter to my mother a few months after she died. She said you don't need to keep it, burn it or throw it away but write down everything you'd like to say to her. I did and I found that hugely cathartic.

I'm extremely grateful for this analogy. Over the last 2 years I've lost both brothers, my father and my maternal grandmother. My mum is incredibly stoic but I can't even imagine what these losses are doing to her underneath it all. I'll be sharing this in the hope that it'll bring some kind of understanding to everyone in my family suffering with a ball that doesn't have time to get any smaller. Thanks for sharing.

My mom passed away 27 years ago but the ball is still there, not that big after all that time, but it never really goes away. I was 14 when she died.

It reminds me of my therapists metaphor for anxiety: life is a grassy field covered with leaves, but if you spend your whole time crawling along checking under the leaves to make sure it's safe, you will never jump run or play. If the worst happens and you twist ur ankle on a hidden danger, you will heal. But if you crawl across life you will never truly live.

My grandmother passed away 15 years ago and I still grieve, just not as often, but always just as hard as when she first passed.

I think you could look at it like the box is your world (job friends home city) and the box gets bigger as you world gets bigger.

I love this explanation of how grieve works.

This is as wonderful, as helpful and as thought provoking as the “I wish you enough” story that had me bawling a while back. Now I can say “I wish you enough, and may the ball in your box seldom hit your button.” Sounds like an ancient proverb or prayer, huh?

What a wonderful post to wake up to today. Such a simple analogy; and yet so powerful in the understanding of grief. I miss my 26 year old step-son, and my 93 year old Grandmother so much, and each one can hit me harder depending on what’s going on around me. Smells, places, vacations, songs and so on. I try to remember that I have these strong feelings because they were so special in my life. And yes, the ball does get smaller over time.

My husband died suddenly 8 months ago, and yes the ball is still huge. May i share this please? I find it reallybhelpful.

Another theory: the ball doesn't get smaller, the box just gets bigger. https://twitter.com/bbciplayer/status/1027459464859971584?lang=en

I love this explanation of grief. It can be applied to more than just the loss of a loved one. I struggle with past trauma. Most days I'm "normal", but I seem to randomly crack. I don't get violent, I just feel so overwhelmed; I can barely function. My family says things like, "But I thought you were ok now." I'm going to show them this and let them know that sometimes my ball just hits the button. I can't control it.

The ball is small but is laying on the pain button this past couple weeks. I had a health scare I need her to tell me it will be ok. that I will get past this hump and to keep moving.

Thank you so much for sharing this analogy. It explains the pain in a way that helps me to understand this journey I did not want to take. My wife has been gone going on six months and that ball still goes a little crazy some days.

This really does help explain how feelings can just come gushing back out of nowhere. - www.djemir.com

Perfect!!! I lost 5 of 6 family in the past 2 years, and one who was actually healthy and supportive of my well being, so losing hope for the addicts as they die is hard, and losing actual loving family, impossible, except for the ball in the box...this helps. Mahalo! Turquoise jade vine magic blessings from Maui to ease all our grief, in Divine timing. Aloha, Claire IMG_0897-5...ff34c5.jpg

My grandfather died last year in March; about 3 more weeks and it'll be 1 year without him. For some reason, I'm just automatically counting down to that day, every time I look at a calendar, don't know why... And 2 days ago it was his birthday so these weeks it's harder to deal with it all again. I like the analogy though.

Thank you.

Thank you. This is very helpful. Is it OK for other people to use? Because I notice on one drawing that you copyrighted (!) ..... well, what? The idea that someone else told you?