Being an au pair is a unique experience, usually entailing both the family and the babysitter benefiting from the arrangement. But that’s only possible when there is mutual trust, which is crucial as there’s child-care involved.

Unfortunately, one incident made this host mom wary of her au pair, as she left her four-year-old twins home alone for a moment. The woman turned to the Mumsnet community asking if she was being unreasonable, but she admitted to feeling anxious about leaving the kids with the girl she had opened her home to.

Scroll down to find the full story below, where you will also find Bored Panda’s interview with a professor at the Department of Sociology at University of Manitoba, Dr. Susan Prentice, who was kind enough to answer a few of our questions about child care providers.

Looking after someone’s child is a huge responsibility

Image credits: Maria Orlova / Pexels (not the actual photo)

This host mom lost trust in her au pair after she left the kids unattended for some time

Image credits: Dick Thompson / Flickr (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Karolina Kaboompics / Pexels (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Piano737

Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)

The au pair program has been helping young individuals find host families for 30 years already

With more than 150 member organizations active in 45 countries all over the world, The International Au Pair Association (IAPA) is, in their own words, “the leading global trade association for organisations active in all aspects of au pair and cultural exchange programmes”. Founded back in 1994, the organization has helped a number of ‘au pairs’ find a host family and embark on an experience unlike any other, providing child care in exchange for becoming a part of someone’s household.

The term “au pair” comes from the French language, meaning “on par” or “equal to”, which entails that upon coming into the household, the au pair becomes equal to a family member. While taking care of the children in the household, they integrate into the family’s day-to-day and get to experience what life in a foreign country of their choice is like, while also representing their own culture to the host family.

According to the IAPA, the regulations regarding the au pair program can differ from country to country, but the main criteria usually include (yet are not limited to) being between the age of 18 and 30, providing a clean police record, and having some child care or babysitting experience (and references).

Image credits: Alex Green / Pexels (not the actual photo)

Au pairs provide kids with opportunities to get acquainted with different cultures and languages

While au pairs are usually expected to have some experience with child care, they are not required to be professionally trained, which can lead to lack of trust in certain situations or unmet expectations from the perspective of the host family.

“It is essential that parents trust the people who are caring for their children. An important element in this is education and training in early childhood development and care,” Dr. Susan Prentice of the Department of Sociology at University of Manitoba told Bored Panda in a recent interview. “Few informal and unlicensed caregivers—like nannies and au pairs—have this training. This is one of many reasons why surveys repeatedly show that parents would prefer to use childcare centers for their children, where there are always multiple trained educators [on site].”

The expert emphasized that with child care centers, there are always set regulations for minimum standards, creating a level of safety. In addition to that, “In a center, a beloved educator might leave, but there’s still continuity for children and their parents, unlike when a nanny or an au pair quits or leaves. For these reasons, we need provincial and state governments to develop affordable and high-quality early learning and care programs to meet family needs,” Dr. Prentice pointed out.

When it comes to au pairs, though, they offer more than just child care. Integrating into the family’s life, the au pair provides the little ones with a unique opportunity to learn about a new culture while within the familiar surroundings of their home, and often even help them learn a new language, which can be especially beneficial for a developing mind.

That might have been part of the reason why the OP had mixed feelings about their au pair, as until the boyfriend came into the picture, the family was really happy with her and the kids were seemingly very comfortable with her, too. Fellow netizens didn’t seem to come to a unanimous conclusion on how best to navigate the situation either; they shared their views in the comments under the post.

Fellow netizens shared what they would do in the OP’s situation

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