Taking care of kids, particularly as a single parent is a lot of work, which is why some folks decide to get help. Sometimes that means babysitters or even live in nannies, sometimes it’s just getting one’s family to pitch in. But a few people out there do something more unusual and host a young person, often from abroad, called an au pair.

A mom reached out to the internet for advice on what to do with her au pair who seemed to be acting suspicious when the mother went on vacation. Between turning off the ring cam at weird times and accidentally letting the dog out, she wondered if it was time to find someone new.

Trusting your kids with a stranger can be difficult, particularly if they start to act strange

Image credits: Dan Gold / unsplash (not the actual photo)

One woman wondered if she was wrong to be nervous about how her au pair was acting

Image credits: Giorgio Trovato / unsplash (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Amin / wikipedia (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Vika Glitter / pexels (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Needaholidaay

An au pair is a weird mix of babysitter and person just visiting your country

For those who are not familiar, an au pair is a sort of live-in nanny, who is given an allowance. Unlike a “professional” one might hire or family members that end up being press-ganged into it, au pairs are often from other countries. Young people tend to use this as an employment opportunity that allows them to travel, have room and board and some money.

In some cases, parents might hire a university student who stays with them part time to make a little extra money and perhaps save some on housing costs. If you are wondering what exactly is the difference between an au pair and a nanny or babysitter, it comes down to some strange social norms.

The word itself is French, “at par” or “equal to,” which designates an au pair as “above” regular employees. In many cases, the family considers the au pair as a sort of member of the family and not just a worker. In the 19th century, this word was important, as some families would take in young women from families of roughly equal standing. If you were from a higher economic class, you would no doubt want a “title” that separates you from the common folks.

These sort of “distinct” class differences are still around, even if we don’t think they are. After all, most au pairs, particularly if you hire them from “abroad” are young, educated middle class people who just want to live in another country for the experience. Contrast that to working class people who do this kind of labor just to make ends meet.

The reason one might do this is because it can be hard to get a working visa in many countries, but there are special au pair programs. After all, most younger people don’t have the resources to just travel as a tourist, they need a way to make ends meet at the same time. Unfortunately, some folks have exploited this system by sponsoring, for money, multiple au pairs so they could traffic people illegally into the country.

It’s possible that this young woman just doesn’t quite see what her actions look like

Image credits: Valeriia Miller / unsplash (not the actual photo)

It’s not all the wild west. Some countries have “minimum” allowances that the hosts have to give them. That being said, it’s still not exactly a huge amount of money. In Spain for example, the minimum is set to 70 Euros a week, which still falls well below the minimum wage (1,134 Euros per month.) Interestingly, the US also has some regulations, including guaranteed time off and, at minimum, a private bedroom.

However, as previously mentioned, most people do not become au pairs for financial reasons. Some want to travel, some enjoy a stipend, free food and lodgings and a few even want experience working with kids, if they are pursuing a degree in education. As this story demonstrates, there are, of course, other advantages to being an au pair. For example, having an entire home to yourself when your host goes on vacation. It’s worth noting that some families will even bring their au pair on vacation, which is just one more benefit.

That being said, this this story demonstrates, sometimes letting someone into your house can come with its own amount of risks. While it does seem unlikely that this au pair is there to just rob this family, given her young age, she might not really think that breaking some rules is bad. This is purely speculative, but there is a good chance she sees her actions as a sort of victimless crime and doesn’t realize the stress it puts on the mom.

This is perhaps why so many readers suggested she cut her loose. The entire point of an au pair is to take some pressure off a parent, not to make them more stressed. Given that she does seem to like how she interacts with her children, perhaps she can give her a chance to explain and defend herself first. Many of us have made dumb choices as twenty year old’s, it’s basically a right of passage.

Many readers things seemed a bit fishy

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