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30 Women Open Up About Dating After Learning Of “Red Pill Men” In The Wild
Who doesn’t love talking to a guy whose regard of womankind is slightly lower than that of stray dogs? They’re always sneaky, too, right? They won’t open up about their godawful views until you’ve sat down, had a drink or two, and have let your guard down.
When they’re nice and cozy, like the abhorrent parasitic tick, they show their true colors and just whale on you with the worst views ever known to humanity. Let’s look at some experiences that women have had with these “red-pilled” gentlemen.
More info: Reddit
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#1
Ex-lady, so take my input with a grain of salt as I am read as a man 100% of the time. But one thing I noticed after transitioning is that the type of men who would give me the heebie jeebies as a woman turned out to be WORSE than I could have imagined. When in the presence of other men they tend to say what they really think, and their hatred of women shapes basically their entire worldview. If you get that gut feeling a guy is a misogynist, chances are you aren't just right, but that he's even more of a terrible person than he's letting on.
ConstantlyJon 1 year ago
Your unique perspective is so vital to helping men understand this and call each other out.
RELATED:
#2
Absolutely. To rephrase your question: "Ladies, has the increased chance of encountering men who do not see you as a person affected your attraction to men?" Yes. Yes, it has. I like being a person, and being treated like one is the minimum for any interaction. The bar for romance for me is way higher than that (as it should be).
Honestly, I think straight women like me are the absolute proof you cannot choose your sexual orientation. I'd date women in a heartbeat if I had the tiniest romantic feeling for them. Men can be really f*****g scary.
Somebodys grandmother 1 year ago (edited)
Totally agree. As a midwife have seen 1000's of naked women... i'm straight. Not one had turn me on... and yet men had scared me...
#3
I gotta say, I don't lose all hope for men when I see a post where a woman talks about her s****y experiences with men or male partners.
But I **DO** start losing hope and respect for men when I see what they comment on those kinds of posts
ConstantlyJon 1 year ago
Men, let's just stop defending idiots. Please. Another guy can be stupid without anyone calling you stupid. Men can be stereotyped in a certain way without it being true about you. But also, sometimes we just have things to learn. I know I do! Let's chase humility through listening. :)
To get some insight from someone with a unique perspective into this topic, we reached out to Hannah McKnight, a returning interview guest of Bored Panda! Hannah has significant experience presenting as male and female, so she has witnessed how men behave behind closed doors.
She has a mission - to talk about balancing life between genders, trans activism, social awareness, and everything that entails. If you’d like to find out more about her, make sure to visit her website!
#4
Early in my current relationship I noticed a used tear gas canister on my partners shelf. Thought it was a little reg flaggy. Asked about it, during a George Floyd protest it was thrown near him (he’s a corn-fed midwestern white boy), grabbed it diffused it in a fountain and put it his backpack. At the end of the story he said something like ‘some people hang bucks/fish, I keep social justice trophies’. In grad school he testified against two male students in his program that were found to have harassed (19) and assault (3) women. There are good men out there that are true genuine allies that support women and POC. Hope red pillers choke on it
ConstantlyJon 1 year ago
All these guys out here think they're badass, but that's actually the most BA thing I've ever read. Excellent social justice work!
#5
I'm married so it doesn't have much impact on me personally in my daily life. However, if anything were to happen to my husband, I'd be single and celibate for the rest of my days on this planet.
#6
I've noticed, aside from redpill stuff, that society has become harder for EVERYONE to live in, but they act like it's only them.
It's more expensive, people are working so much harder for less. Lonelyness is off the charts for EVERYONE. But they see that more women have community and support. They see women only shelters and suicide rates for men and think "Hmph!! Why do THEY get extra help?!" What they fail to see is women get these things because of other women. WE built these spaces, we volunteer, we go out of our way for others because of compassion and empathy.
Men are the ones who see what we have and then want it too. I see so many men talk about having a girlfriend as if it will actually solve any of their problems, but it's all selfish. "I'll have some to love ME and raise my sense of self worth! To hug, to cuddle, to f**k, to cook and clean" providing for us is all they need to do, right? Wrong. We are also working people who have our own wants, needs, and aspirations. They come into relationships, incompetant about the give and take required. They want maid mommys.
What they need is to do away with the toxic masculinity bs so many of them say they're oppressed by, work on their empathy, and make their own friends and community and stop trying to leech it from or destroy it for women. Litterally, just do better, be better. Actually put effort in, cause growth doesn't just fall onto your lap
Eva Intrav 1 year ago
All of this. I still abide by the idea that "women are NOT responsible for fixing broken men." Sort your s**t out first before getting even remotely close to a women.
Hannah begins by talking a little about gender identity and her own identity in relation: “I'm a transgender girl. Identifying as transgender, in my opinion, is very inclusive and can cover quite a few different, albeit nuanced, gender identities. Being transgender doesn't necessarily mean transitioning, taking hormones, or legally changing one's name. If I need to get more specific about my gender, I identify as bi-gender. What this means to me is that I don't feel the need to, ah, commit to one gender identity or to one gender presentation. Sometimes I am wearing a necktie and use he/him pronouns, other days I am strutting around a bookstore in a cute dress.”
“Of course, gender is a social construct and gender isn't binary, but that is a topic for another time."
#7
I am more fearful of men in general now. I’ve become more aware of how men see us, in a way I never was before. A lot of them seem to hate us. When your read the words they use to describe women, it’s like we aren’t even human to them.
zak 1 year ago
There's so much animosity and ego out there, in this regard and just in general. I think ego is the root cause of so many of society's ills, and I truly believe if everyone had one or two (preferably guided) powerful psychedelic experiences (mushrooms, dmt, etc), it would massively reduce the amount of hate and violence in this world.
#8
I honestly think it’s made me a lot more aware of early warning signs in a guy.
Not too long ago I was casually dating this guy, he was very clean cut and put together on the surface, we got on well and the sex was okay but I didn’t mind because I figured it’d get better in time with communication.
We stopped talking because I very nicely said I did like sleeping with him but if he could do more foreplay during sex it’d be great. He became a bit standoffish. Then started giving me the silent treatment but made it very obvious he was ignoring me and I was more turned off by how immature it came off across.
Turns out he was a huge tater tot, followed a bunch of instagram accounts that posted his videos. One of the vids he saw was another red pill dude who very clearly had daddy issues say “If you give your girl the silent treatment, she’ll be so desperate for attention she’ll be reaching out to you”.
He got PISSED that I didn’t do this and deleted me off everything lol.
So yah, I’m lucky I have some genuinely amazing men in my life but it’s really made me more aware of subtle stuff.
#9
I think, more generally, the internet has affected my attraction to men.
Men seem to think everyone on the internet is a man, so they feel comfy saying all that misogynist s**t that apparently most of them believe very openly. The internet made 'locker room talk' public and I've been judging men for it since then.
Black Cat 1 year ago
Why do men hate women so much. Yes I know a lot of women hate men too, but women have good reason to be resentful of men - being oppressed throughout history, being raped, randomly attacked, killed, treated as objects, having to severely curtail our basic rights to avoid being raped, killed etc. But why do so many men hate women??
She goes on to talk about how it may be difficult for some cisgender people to grasp gender identity: “Gender identity is a strange and difficult concept for some cisgender people to understand. I think much of this comes from an inability to relate to someone who feels the gender they were assigned at birth isn't quite right. I don't fault someone for not being able to relate to me. We all have different experiences and these experiences shape our opinions and feelings and thoughts. If you've never felt like the gender the doctor scribbled on your birth certificate was wrong, it's not always easy to grasp why someone would feel this way. No, I don't expect anyone to understand me. But I would hope, at the very least, you treat me kindly.”
#10
It has made me very leery of dating, and if a man does anything red-pillish, such as trying to lower my confidence, pouf, I'm gone. Interestingly, it has made me reexamine my unconscious assumption of the desirability of being in a couple. I find being on my own, with the company of lots of platonic friends, peaceful, fun and fulfilling.
Pigeon (they/them) 1 year ago
YES! Thank you! So many people don’t understand that platonic relationships can be just as fulfilling as romantic ones! It’s absolutely mind-boggling how many times I’ve complained about people acting like romantic relationships are above platonic ones and been met with “well they are.”
#11
Women in the US and China have been taking dates to the Barbie Movie to "vet" against sexist men. Not to mention the drove of breakups that came after men saw the movie and showed their true colors to their now ex gfs.
They always out themselves eventually.
Women see it just... we don't really need men the way they need women.
ConstantlyJon 1 year ago
"the way they need women..." ugh I cringe every time I read/hear something like this. the "men have needs" trope is just untrue at it's core. It's an excuse to be a pig. Guys, if you're a pig, instead of excusing it as if you are biologically incapable of self control, work on bettering yourself so that you can care about others for a change.
#12
Absolutely. If a man uses any of that language/incel speak I immediately leave. I won’t entertain that. It can spiral quickly as well and I’m not interested in jeopardizing my safety in any way.
I take care to not swipe on people who use incel dogwhistles in their profiles or who claim to be politically conservative or even moderate because men who are “moderate” have learned that if they outright say they’re conservative, they won’t get laid.
Men get worse and worse each year. All men, I don’t even care anymore. Until a man proves to me otherwise with his actions and behavior, it’s easier to assume he’s dangerous and hates women. Men constantly say that women are emotional but I haven’t heard of a woman beating their spouse senseless because their precious football team lost. Even some men that I thought were “normal” got so huffy about the Barbie movie and instantly I understood that they simply hid their depravity behind their “normal” facade.
Edit: ALL men. Die mad about it. I don’t care if that makes me sexist or a misandrist lmao.
ConstantlyJon 1 year ago
I don't like the all men thing, of course, because that'd include me, but also I'm not up my own a*s enough to think that I don't have any room to grow or perspectives to understand. If someone has only ever experienced men as toxic, I know that me saying "yeah well this random person on the internet isn't like the men you've personally experienced, therefore you should trust men again" is stupid and not how any of this works. All I know is that I've earned the trust of my wife, and as a married man I continue earning the trust of both her and other women I have the privilege of interacting with. I don't know a good way to say any of this so I'm trying my best, and am willing to learn how if anyone has an answer.
Hannah begins talking about her own life and being privy to guys’ “locker room talk”: “Because of the dual life/lives that I live, I feel I get a little glimpse into the different perspectives people have about gender and gender roles. When I present as male, men talk to me like I am 'one of the guys'. These conversations can range from sports to social topics to inappropriate comments. I suppose some people would call this 'locker room talk' but I think that's in an effort to excuse certain behavior.”
“I am not out to the majority of the people in my (male) life. Almost everyone I know thinks of me as the guy they work with or their buddy from high school. My gender identity isn't on their radar. Because of this, some people in my life have no hesitation sharing their perspective on women... whether they are cisgender or transgender. Sometimes they will complain about how long it takes for women to get ready or ridicule their teenage daughters for being dramatic about a silly boy. These opinions are rather telling when it comes to their perspective on women. Perhaps they feel women are too shallow or emotional. Perhaps they feel women are weaker for having emotions."
#13
I used to be Christian Conservative and my ex bf at the time was very much so into 4chan while getting more and more extreme right wing as the years went on.
We were together for 8 years. A lot of bull s**t happened in that amount of time, but I stayed because he had me so convinced that a civil war was going to break out, that the right was going to have to fight for their own land and new country, that eventually we would have to *literally* fight for our rights, and that he was going to protect me during this eventual war. I thought, well if it's going to happen, at least I'll be with someone that knows how to protect me. Saying this all now makes me cringe inside.
Anyway, my current partner is liberal, a feminist, and a Marine. He helped me de-brainwash myself and has really helped me see the light. He is also accepting of the fact that I am attracted to women. If there were ever an actual war and all hell broke loose, I know for a fact I would be in much better hands now than I would have ever been if I stayed with my ex.
All of this to say, redpillers are scary. I would date exclusively women if something were to ever happen to my current partner because I could never risk even dating another redpiller. Conservative men are terrifying and are getting more and more extreme as time goes on.
Hobby Hopper 1 year ago
I sincerely hope there is never another civil war in the US, but I'm 100% convinced the first shots would come from the right.
#14
Was with someone who got into the redpill movement during our relationship
**He told me that I had duties as a woman and I needed to fulfill his needs**
0/10 would recommend getting with anyone who is into these belief and highly recommend leaving the second they bring up how it makes so much sense
#15
Im in my sixties and I’ve been single for the last 20 years. I love being single
Jack and Coke 1 year ago
I hear you. My husband died 23 yrs ago and I never came across anyone who measured up. I don't think I could live with anyone now, too set in my ways. I really missed the sex though, but now I'm old and don't care anymore.
According to her, society still misunderstands transgender people and she shares how that has affected her: “Over the last few years, transgender people have become a very charged discussion. We have been politicalized and demonized. We are discussed and scrutinized. We have become perverted villains in the eyes of many. It's strange to have this spotlight on people like myself, but it is quite an experience to hear my coworkers and family members discuss non-binary people. Sometimes someone voices their support or mentions that their friend is transgender.”
“Other times, well, it's less encouraging.”
#16
I refuse to f**k with any dude who has conservative, moderate, Christian or apolitical in a dating profile. I also will bail any time anyone says anything about alpha, beta, or sigma males. And any sort of negging will get them tossed. I mostly date queer people these days, if I do at all.
Raphapablap 1 year ago
Don't understand the animosity towards being apolitical but I understand the US is pretty divided at the moment. I (non-US) would consider myself apolitical - in my opinion, politicians are all wolves in sheep's clothing, lying through their teeth constantly to get sway. Doesn't matter what party gets elected, they will let the power get to their head at some point, so why show loyalty to any of them?
#17
I really can’t come up with any reason that I would date again. My single life is just so free and uncomplicated. All of the men I’ve ever been with have been more of a burden in my life.
The upside for me just wasn’t there compared to what I had to sacrifice.
Jill Rhodry 1 year ago
Better to be happy with a houseful of pets, friends and family than with the wrong guy.
#18
Yes. It’s impacting how men of all ages treat women. When I was single it was the reason I got off the dating apps. It’s also why I go out of my way not to engage with men in public.
The entitlement and creepy, aggressive behavior is awful. I used to travel a lot for work so I spent a lot of time in places where you meet men. I remember when you’d be having dinner at a bar and have a nice conversation with a man, a bit of a laugh, a few drinks and then go your separate ways. There was a sort of camaraderie. Something happened and more and more men started treating women like they are prey they are entitled to. It’s scary out there. And they are so rude and mean. It’s totally crazy the stuff I’ve had total strangers say to me.
And let me tell you, married men are the absolute worse. They are so gross and pushy. It used to be you’d be able to have a chat with a married man and know he likely wouldn’t hit on you. I will not engage with married men anymore. If women had any idea what their husbands are getting up to out in the world. I will never date a man who travels for work. Ever. If you’re married to a business traveler, especially a middle age one, you should regularly get STD tested.
BravePanda 1 year ago
Yes. I used to work as a bartender in a hotel bar, a hotel that catered to wealthy business travelers. I've seen men tell bedtime stories over the phone, hang up, and go upstairs with someone they met three bourbons ago. Nightly.
#19
It wasn't the redpill that erased any interest or trust in men, it was men. They've always been like this, redpill just lets them be honest.
Lord love him, my dad did not (does not) know what to do with a daughter, so he always treated me like a slightly weaker son. I grew up with the knowledge that it might take me longer to do strength related tasks, but I would get that couch moved, that tire changed, that box up the stairs, etc. I was expected to be just as independent and dependable as my brothers. And the few times my brothers tried to treat me less than because I was a girl, I proved them wrong. (Ah, brothers, bless their hearts. They are stronger, I'm sneakier.)
Then I encountered men and boys who genuinely did see me as "less". Men and boys, coworkers and teachers and casual acquaintances who blink and look shocked when I talk back, when I hold the door for them, when I give them advice or joke around when them.... Yknow, when I dare to be a person treating them like a person.
It took years to figure out it was a "them, not me" problem, and took a page out of their book and "went my own way". I prefer women, socially and romantically.
In short, by the time redpill came around, I had already lost any interest in men as friends or acquaintances.
Black Cat 1 year ago
You're lucky you're interested inwomen romantically. Men are too dangerous to give them the benefit of the doubt. I feel far more safe being single than in a relationship with a man. The older I get the more I'm sickened by men. It's hard to like or be attracted to a group of people you can't trust or respect.
#20
Im queer/bisexual and havent been attracted to a man in years. They ruined any attraction i had with how they are. Only non binary and women for me thanks
Our interviewee points out the inherent perspective of some men that women are weaker or inferior: “I've heard men discuss people like me and how they don't understand us. And that's fine... I guess. Like I said earlier, I am not trying to be understood. I just want to be treated kindly. Sometimes these conversations have led to men wondering why anyone would want to be a woman. ‘Why would anyone want to be inferior?’ they ask. ‘Why go from being a man to a girl?’ I've heard some men say that they kind of understand why a woman would want to transition to male, as if it's somewhat of a ‘promotion’, if you will.”
“This is, of course, not a reason people transition,” Hannah goes to finish, “But it is a reflection of how some men blatantly see their gender as superior. They may not understand transgender people, but they certainly understand why someone would want to be male.”
#21
Yes. I used to think a lot of misogyny and sexism was a generational thing. Something that would die out as understanding and empathy progressed.
Now I understand that men don't really see women as human beings and only as things to benefit them. They don't want women to be happy because they genuinely don't give 2 shits.
I won't date anymore.
#22
Oh 100% yes. I used to not care much about politics, basically: "don't encroach on the rights of others" was my only rule, but now I won't date anyone who isn't a liberal who supports feminism. It makes me scared, honestly. I want kids tremendously, but I don't know if I'll be able to find a male partner who I feel I can trust enough to do that with.
#23
Yes, I hate to say it but I just started assuming that most men are raging mysogynistic.
bElLa sTairZz 1 year ago
as a man, hate to say it, but i feel like this is the safer way to do it
#24
I honestly don't even want to talk to men outside of the ones I know and trust anymore.
#25
Not my overall attraction, but it’s changed my “acceptable risk” profile when it comes to casual sexism. I used to laugh a bit more if it off, especially the “benevolent” bits.
Now, I don’t feel confident I can tell the difference between someone who is very confused about wolves, and someone who intends to go on a shooting spree, so if you sincerely talk about alphas and betas, ya out. Forever. No conversation or attempt to educate. Just out. There are lots of red-pill phrases that hit my ears these days and I just Nope right out. You’re dead to me. We’re not dating, we’re not friends, I won’t work with you a moment longer than absolutely necessary.
#26
My generation is a bit old for the redpill movement which seems (to me) to be more for the younger crowd. HOWEVER, I’ve had enough experience with men of my own generation to be put off by the garden variety misogyny that seems to lurk just below the surface for so many of them. I am still attracted to men but I am not interested in being in a relationship with one.
I'mtiredboss. 1 year ago
I am 70. My soon to be ex-husband has decided he no longer wants to put in any effort to share his life with me. He thinks he will be better "on his own". Hasta la bye-bye.
#27
Like seven months ago, I would have said that I don’t know where all these disgusting dudes hide when I’m around, and that I probably just surround myself with quality people. Then I heard my best friend say some out of pocket s**t about his girlfriend and he has not spoken to me since I called him out on it.
Now I’ll just say that y’all need to do whatever keeps you in the safest and happiest state at all times, even if it means not f*****g with men. I still have other great friends who I perceive as being decent humans, but that experience rattled me. Couldn’t imagine hearing some of the s**t he said after becoming intimidate with someone.
Lena Flising 2 months ago
I used to work in an environment with many men. When they talked with other men, they called their wives derogatory terms, like the crone, the old ball-and-chain, etc. But when they talked to me, they'd say "my girlfriend" or "my wife", even when they had called her a "crone" two minutes ago, in the same room, as if I'm deaf when they're not talking directly to me.
#28
Yes. Being on the internet has opened my eyes to how little men think of us. I honestly have lost interest in even dating men after this s**t I’ve read.
Cat Houston 1 year ago
I know a LOT of really great, decent, compassionate, progressive men but as they stand as a gender group, I have very little trust or admiration for them.
#29
Yes
After dealing with a redpiller in the wild I am now way more hesitant to get involved with a man
#30
Absolutely. It even made me wonder if I ever want myself in a relationship with a man in the future. Like, why would I even give anything to someone who does not even consider me a human being? In the end it increased my trust issues with men even more, and made me waay pickier about who I want in my social circle.
What do you think ?
JMil 1 year ago (edited)
This thread inspired me to check out reddits thebluepill and justneckbeardthings and omg it is so much worse than I thought. I completely understand these posters being done with men. I renounce my gender and surrender my man card. Love and support to all m'ladies *tips fedora* 😂
Tracy Wallick 1 year ago
The things straight men say about and do to women, while simultaneously complaining about the things toxic masculinity does to hurt themselves, has all but eliminated my empathy for them as a group. I can't do it anymore. Women have borne the brunt of men's hatred for millennia into the present day; it's on men to change how they view and treat us, since it's abundantly clear that a huge many of them don't care about our wants, needs or rights.
Nikki Sevven 1 year ago
Yes, but who created the idea of toxic masculinity as a standard men were supposed to live up to? It wasn't women. Men have been in charge of the world since human beings lived in caves. And they've been trying to blame women for literally everything since Mother Eve, even though even a casual reading of Genesis will tell you that she was set up to fail by a patriarchal god. Think about it. If you don't know right from wrong (because you haven't eaten from the Tree), then how can you be held accountable for your actions, which you couldn't possibly have known were wrong? Even human laws account for this.
Load More Replies... LooseSeal's $10 Banana 1 year ago
As a man this made me feel two things. First, I am now even more worried about the world my daughter will grow up in. Second, it makes me feel like a saint since I'm apparently better than 90% of the other men on the planet.
JMil 1 year ago (edited)
This thread inspired me to check out reddits thebluepill and justneckbeardthings and omg it is so much worse than I thought. I completely understand these posters being done with men. I renounce my gender and surrender my man card. Love and support to all m'ladies *tips fedora* 😂
Tracy Wallick 1 year ago
The things straight men say about and do to women, while simultaneously complaining about the things toxic masculinity does to hurt themselves, has all but eliminated my empathy for them as a group. I can't do it anymore. Women have borne the brunt of men's hatred for millennia into the present day; it's on men to change how they view and treat us, since it's abundantly clear that a huge many of them don't care about our wants, needs or rights.
Nikki Sevven 1 year ago
Yes, but who created the idea of toxic masculinity as a standard men were supposed to live up to? It wasn't women. Men have been in charge of the world since human beings lived in caves. And they've been trying to blame women for literally everything since Mother Eve, even though even a casual reading of Genesis will tell you that she was set up to fail by a patriarchal god. Think about it. If you don't know right from wrong (because you haven't eaten from the Tree), then how can you be held accountable for your actions, which you couldn't possibly have known were wrong? Even human laws account for this.
Load More Replies... LooseSeal's $10 Banana 1 year ago
As a man this made me feel two things. First, I am now even more worried about the world my daughter will grow up in. Second, it makes me feel like a saint since I'm apparently better than 90% of the other men on the planet.
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