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10 Y.O. Doesn’t Want To Be The Carer Of Her Special Needs Classmate During A School Trip But The Classmate’s Mom Doesn’t Care
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There are a lot of worries when a woman is pregnant. Because at this time, she no longer is worried only for her own health, but the baby’s too. And even if the mom is as careful as she can be, sometimes it doesn’t depend on her whether the baby will be born healthy or not.
The baby can have various physical and mental issues and it is always a challenge for the parents. A mom on Reddit has four children and one of them has autism and ADHD. That has made his sister very good at dealing with such issues, but that led to a classmate’s mom trying to take advantage of it. The mom feels bad for denying help even though that is the only way to protect her daughter.
More info: Reddit
RELATED:
A classmate’s mom wanted to take advantage of a 10 Y.O. girl. Her mom defended her daughter, but at the same time, she felt bad for doing it
Image credits: star5112 (not the actual photo)
The Original Poster (OP) who goes by shoopersharn is a 35-year-old mom who has 3 daughters of the ages 10, 4 and 1 and she has a 6-year-old son. For the sake of the story, the OP calls her son Luke and the oldest daughter Izzy.
Luke is the one with autism and ADHD. Like everyone with such a diagnosis, they might be hard to handle sometimes. Izzy is used to it and she has actually picked up how to accommodate him and gained “saintly patience” as the mom put it.
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Image credits: shoopersharn
The girl is very good with accommodating children with special needs as she learnt it from having to live with her brother
Image credits: shoopersharn
Izzy showed how mature and kind she is not only with her brother, but with a classmate that the OP called Maisy. This girl also has autism and severe anxiety, so for Izzy, this is not something new, which is why she knows how to help her calm down.
The mom is very proud that her daughter is so kind and helpful, but because Izzy is so good at it, she was asked to look after Maisy and live in the same room during a school trip because that would calm her down as she has never been away from home before. Izzy agreed, but it seems that she said it to be polite, as she came home crying and not looking forward to it whatsoever.
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Image credits: shoopersharn
She opened up to her mom that she just wanted to have fun on the trip and have a break from always taking care of others, which naturally caused stress to her. Her 10-year-old shoulders shouldn’t carry this burden and the mom’s heart broke, especially knowing that because of the pandemic, Izzy hasn’t had the chance to be a kid as everything was shut down so she was forced to stay at home with Luke being cranky and a toddler asking for attention.
Raising Luke is a task on its own, but while being pregnant and the OP’s husband working, it became even more complicated. Additionally, Luke isn’t very excited about the baby and he needs as much attention as the newborn does, so in the end, Izzy doesn’t get that much time with her parents.
She has a classmate who responds very well to her so she was asked to share a room on a school trip with her
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Image credits: shoopersharn
The mom understands that, so she contacted the teacher and asked for Izzy to not be put in the same room as Maisy. The teacher was very understanding and knowing the situation with Luke, agreed that Izzy deserves a break.
However, Maisy’s mom didn’t think so. She wanted shoopersharn to pressure her daughter into agreeing, but the OP respected Izzy’s choice. Maisy’s mom started insulting the OP and guilt tripping her, saying that she should understand how it feels as they both have neurodivergent children. Plus, Maisy probably won’t go on the trip because without Izzy, she won’t be able to cope with her anxiety.
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Image credits: shoopersharn
Izzy expected the trip to be relaxing and didn’t want such a responsibility, so her mom asked the school to put her daughter in another room
Image credits: shoopersharn
In one of the responses to the comments, shoopersharn guessed that Maisy’s mom really wants Izzy to be there for Maisy because she herself wants to take a rest. She is a single mom and her husband left right before lockdown, so both her own and her daughter’s mental health have suffered. Also, she doesn’t want Maisy to feel abandoned again, which could happen when she finds out Izzy changed her mind.
Izzy’s dad thinks that there is no need to feel bad about this because Maisy’s situation is none of their business, let alone their child’s. But the OP can’t stop thinking about what Maisy’s mom said and is sad that she can’t do anything about it.
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The classmate’s mom was really unhappy about it and tried to guilt trip the OP as they both shared the experience of raising a neurodiverse child
Image credits: shoopersharn
Bored Panda contacted shoopersharn and she told us that people’s response in the comments really helped her out to feel less anxious about the situation, “Lots of people PMed me telling me their stories of being forced to care for classmates / siblings and it put everything into perspective on how I am going to deal with things with school. She’s a kid and deserves to be.”
People in the comments pointed out that the OP herself can’t do anything, but she shouldn’t force her daughter to do something either because it is not her responsibility. As many worded it, Izzy is not an emotional support animal or a therapist or a social worker. She is a child and asking her to parent someone else’s child to make the adults feel more at ease is absurd.
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Image credits: shoopersharn
The OP wants her daughter to be a child, but at the same time she felt she should have helped the other mom
Image credits: shoopersharn
The OP didn’t change her mind about putting her daughter in the same room with Maisy and when Izzy found it out she was relieved. The mom told us that “She was simply happy I understood.” The parent also added, “She really enjoyed the trip, though she is knackered now and it was the best decision.”
We would like to know what would you have done in OP’s situation, and do you think Izzy has a moral obligation to take care of Maisy because she is good at communicating with children with special needs? How do you think the mom should balance letting Izzy be a kid but not leave Luke out at the same time? Let us know your thoughts in the comments!
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People in the comments thought that the classmate’s mom had no right to ask another child to take care of her daughter and the OP shouldn’t worry about being a jerk
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Having started as a content creator that made articles for Bored Panda from scratch I climbed my way up to being and editor and then had team lead responsibilities added as well. So it was a pretty natural transition from writing articles and titles as well as preparing the visual part for the articles to making sure others are doing those same tasks as I did before well, answering their questions and guiding them when needed. Eventually I realized editing gives me the most enjoyment and I'm focusing only on that right now.
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Saulė is a photo editor at Bored Panda with bachelor's degree in Multimedia and Computer Design. The thing that relaxes her the best is going into YouTube rabbit hole. In her free time she loves painting, embroidering and taking walks in nature.
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What do you think ?
Jo Choto 2 years ago
I remember as a child that I would be burdened with things I did not want to do because I was good at them. That included caring for other children. In reality, it caused me stress and distress. It should never be a child's responsibility to manage the problems and medical conditions of another child. The adults need to figure out a solution that doesn't burden another child.
Otter 2 years ago
The OP feels guilty about overburdening her kid by making her take on classmates as well as a sibling, and doesn't realize she's already overburdening the kid. It's not in her interest to do that, overburdened children tend to run screaming away from their families of origin as soon as it's feasible, so if the OP doesn't change things she's going to be shocked, SHOCKED, to find that in a few years from now, Izzy is only applying to out-of-state colleges.
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Cold Contagious 2 years ago
That's if she even goes to college. That's if she doesn't fall for the first toxic man or woman that convinces her that they love her and just want to take care of her for a change... By slowly and cunningly convincing her to depend upon them more and more. While they systematically undermine her independence and identity, grooming and gaslighting her subtly, until they finally begin the more blatant abuse tactics. Or it swings the other way and she finds someone who wants to let her take care of them and plays on her nurturing instincts. Begin told it's love to take care of them in that way, reinforcing all the years of the carer role she was placed into at home. Either relationship being wildly abusive and toxic, but falling into patterns that happen everyday. I hope they break this cycle now for the benefit of this child's health and life going forward.
Dunja Blackwell 2 years ago
Omgs.. This.. Yes. I ran as soon as I could and ignored my family for a long time.
Stacie Leppky 2 years ago
Right?? That was my first thought. She got pregnant “unexpectedly”... I mean, they knew they were already overwhelmed with 3 kids. Birth control (temp or permanent) was not practiced?? Or abortion? smh
Fernanda Abreu 2 years ago
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Abortion is not an option. It's literally a mother killing her child. From what I understood, the OP actually gives a damn about her children, she's not a psychopath. In her own way, but she does care about them.
IcarusOfTheSkywings 2 years ago
Abortion is not 'literally a mother killing her child' unless they have already developed to a point at which they are considered alive. Often an abortion occurs when a woman has an unwanted pregnancy, or the child would not likely survive the birth 'due to a growth defect of some kind. It is their right to decide whether or not they want an abortion.
April P 2 years ago
That's what I did. My mother had me taking care of my younger siblings. I moved away and visit when I want, against my mother's wishes. She tried to guilt me as much as she could until she figured out I wasn't having any of it. To this day, my siblings seem to only call me if they need something, like I am still their mother. I help them when I can but I look at it as they are grown. If I can take care of myself, they are just as capable of taking care themselves.
Caro Caro 2 years ago
Too much responsibility on a child's shoulders is never a good thing. Kids need to be kids and I think Izzy already has a bit more to chew on at home despite the parents being aware of Izzy, so if she gets a chance to be Izzy without being a sister, carer, whatever it would be very good for her, she needs a breather too!
William Walton 2 years ago
Same with me, the eldest of three, was just naturally the babysitter, for my brothers and sisters, and even my friends… just been mature for my age I guess, sure it was stressful, all kinds of things are stressful 🤷♂️… glad it made me the man I am now though
Danielle Love 2 years ago
I was also burdened by family members with taking care of children at the age of 8. By 9 I was taking care of a newborn baby, sometimes ALONE. I will never forget how scared I was, he got a fever and was throwing up which made me throw up and no one was there, I thought he was going to die! So yes I totally understand how much stress it causes, poor kid.
Ashley Jernigan 2 years ago
SAME. Because I was very good at caring for smaller children, it was ALWAYS my job to do so. SMH.... And I was the youngest out of me and my sister, but it was ALWAYS on me to care for any smaller kids that were around. It shouldn't ever be on the kids, it should be on the adults.
Lulu Lemons 2 years ago (edited)
I may be wrong and I know my familys experience won't be everyone's, but the kid can parentify themselves. My eldest brother and older sister certainly did at age 10 as they were protective of me and my brother who are both autistic. I know this because I've asked them before if they ever resented the responsibility they had towards me and my brother and they said no, they chose to do it to help us and our parents. I've also talked to others who've shared this, and others who were forced into it. I think you'd need to actually see the family dynamic in person to be able to tell if the parent is forcing them into it or if they're willingly doing it.
Airt 2 years ago
Just an idea but maybe if those parents thought that their two children (one with special needs) need them and their attention they sholud not get another two children and dump reaponsibilities on the oldest daughter? I have nothing against big families but if you can take care of them not just make as many babies as possible and then cry that it's hard.
Anthony Roberts 2 years ago
I agree. Birth control is cheap. Four kids (especially with one being very special needs) is not.
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John Scott 2 years ago
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I've been around a while and never got anyone "unexpectedly" pregnant. We all know how it works. It's not "unexpected."
Majduneldb Hfidbrs 2 years ago
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Someone skipped sex ed...90% of women on this planet get pregnant unexpectedly...many while on birth control.
Majduneldb Hfidbrs 2 years ago
Not 100% effective AND not available everywhere...many women in USA can't have it at all and they can't get an abortion either...
Ainsley Mongraw 2 years ago
Oh my goodness they are doomed to be baby makers then I guess. It's not like people can just NOT HAVE SEX during ovulation. Guess no one seems to understand biology or have any damn self control. Learn your cycle and act accordingly. Stop blaming condoms and birth control.
Leah Ma 2 years ago
You're talking about the rhythm method. How many women do you think really know when they ovulate? How many of their sex partners would really listen to them when they say 'I can't have sex right now because I'm ovulating'? Geeze, lady, you're so unreal! I became pregnant the second time when I wasn't supposed to be ovulating. Many do. Many Catholics use this method. That's why (in the past before contraceptives) there were so many Catholics. Because it was SO UNRELIABLE--just as the human body is unreliable! Get yourself an education & a book on the statistics of babies born to moms using the rhythm method! Learn how unreliable it is! Incidentally, I am the mom to a doctor, the grandma to another, the grandma-in-law to another & the aunt to 2 more! You can trust me to know what I'm talking about!
LittleLiz 2 years ago
I understand where you're coming from, and she did mention that #4 was a "surprise" (but you can't be too surprised if you had sex and it made a baby. What did they expect, a 10 piece mcnugget?) BUT it can be rewarding to have that many kids. Sometimes people who grew up in a big family feel like the house is empty with only 2 kids. I think you're mostly right though. If you want 5 kids and #2 is special needs, then you accept that you need to stop there so that you can give each kid the attention they need. Izzy deserves better
Lubna Fawzy-Qureshi 2 years ago
I agree. Social service needs to be involved when parents burden their children with THEIR responsibility. I see no diff btw Maisy”s Mom and Izzy’s Mom. Both used Izzy for their own benefit. If you can’t care for your kids, don’t have them. Abstaining from sex won’t lead to “failed” birth control. Seeing how Izzy’s Mom pawns off her parental responsibility on her 10yr old I don’t have much trust she’s responsible w/birth control.
Casper Mandi Shroyer 2 years ago
Because it's never that easy. I had to FIGHT with my Dr's to get my tubes tied after my 4th pregnancy, 3rd child (lost one). All were different forms of bc failure. One condom broke, one IUD slipped out of proper placement due to an unusually shaped cervix, and 2 were oral bc failures, different types. Both taken precisely as instructed. And yet I STILL had to FIGHT to get my tubes tied. At 34. Married. 3rd living birth. My Dr's argued and hemmed and hawed until I finally ordered them to do it or I'd find a dr who would. 3 months of arguments before I was ALLOWED to choose a more permanent solution. Oh, and I had been trying for a tubal since I was 18. Also after every single child. But since I was married and chose to have sex with my husband, I guess I desreved to have more kids, despite responsibly trying to prevent pregnancy, as a "punishment" huh. Classy.
GW 2 years ago
Why TF were you arguing with your doctor about having a tubal ligation when it's an _infinitely_ safer and less invasive procedure w/few potential future complications down the road for your, clearly idiotic and selfish husband to not get off his ass and get a vasectomy?! I am a guy and I can understand the immediate wincing involved in just imagining having this procedure. However, I recognize it is the superior option health-wise for everyone involved. The proper answer was to tell your husband to go get _his_ tubes cut/tied or the punani is closed off to him forever. Or just divorce his ass for being a selfish prick. Infuriating!
Jen Jaquith 2 years ago
Yes, I had the same thing happen. My doctor didn’t want to let me get my tubes tied. Unexpected pregnancies happen all the time!!! I was on Depo (the shot you get once a month) and I had an ear infection. I was young and didn’t know that antibiotics lessen birth control and I got pregnant. But she was a blessing and I can’t imagine my life without her.
Diana Smith 2 years ago
We were blessed with our 4th after a vasectomy went bad. Pregnant for 3 months (health issues prior) before we knew we were pregnant. I wouldn’t change a thing.
Lulu Lemons 2 years ago
I may be wrong and I know my familys experience won't be everyone's, but the kid can parentify themselves. My eldest brother and older sister certainly did at age 10 as they were protective of me and my brother who are both autistic. I know this because I've asked them before if they ever resented the responsibility they had towards me and my brother and they said no, they chose to do it to help us and our parents. I've also talked to others who've shared this, and others who were forced into it. I think you'd need to actually see the family dynamic in person to be able to tell if the parent is forcing them into it or if they're willingly doing it.
Leah Ma 2 years ago
I can easily see that happening. I've spent my life mediating between people. It seems I'm always getting stuck with people who don't get along or where one of them is a pain in the neck and I have to find a way for them to get along. I'm very good at it. No one ever asked me to do it, I just do it. Maybe it's because I like peace and quiet around me.
Beth L 2 years ago
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I know a woman who is 2/2 on birth control babies. The first one was a honeymoon souvenir, when they had planned on delaying starting a family for at least 5 years.
John Scott 2 years ago
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No you don't. That's not a thing with proper birth control.
Martha Meyer 2 years ago
@John Scott, you are just ignorant. I know people with four kids were each of them was a birth control accident. Two were failed pill, one a coil, one a condom. I even know a few couples who have vasectomy kids. Yes, that can heal.
Diana Smith 2 years ago
How can people turn this discussion about a mom caring for her daughter’s well being at school into a “get an abortion” talk!?!
Majduneldb Hfidbrs 2 years ago
Tell is you don't know anything about birth control without telling us you don't know s**t about it...seriously man get a sex ed class
Gloria Stanley 2 years ago
@John Scott you are right, however there are things that can make the birth control fail. Sometimes stress or a new supplement, more often a new prescription that can, in some people cause enough of a shift for birth control to fail. However the chance of it is very low, but given then the past 2 years where really testing for majority of the population maybe there is a study that can be done on 'The effect of Stress on Birth Control' if it already not been done.
Bobbie Burke 2 years ago
@john Scott, you are an ignorant and opinionated under informed jerk.
Majduneldb Hfidbrs 2 years ago
Tell dr to let us have our tubes tied and make men get a vasectomy...good luck on both counts
aaron key 2 years ago (edited)
I don't think we should be making anyone do anything. Believe it or not, men often have similar issues when under the age of 25 and requesting vasectomies. Mind you, denial of the procedure is far less prevalent in men than it is in women, men and women should be allowed to take control of their own bodies and if someone gets a "tubal litigation" or a vasectomy and regrets it, vasectomies can be reversed, tubal litigation kind of can and sperm can be frozen and subsequently deposited into a sperm bank, if one so chooses. We've moved past the time of worrying about whether or not people will regret committing themselves to being childless and just let people do whatever the hell they want to do with their own bodies, as long as it does not affect anyone else (which birth control, vasectomies and "tubal litigations" do not)
Leodavinci 2 years ago
Doubt many people who grew up in large families feel a house is empty with only 2 kids. Both my parents came from families with 8-10 members. Almost all of them only had 2-3 kids.
abby smink 2 years ago
I might actually chose to have sex if I got a 10 piece McNugget every time.
Julie Price 2 years ago
Birth control is effective but you have to take the pill. It doesn't just "fail". I was on it for 20 years and only got pregnant when I stopped taking it. Antibiotics will cause it to fail but if you take the pill, you already know that. Get lazy, get pregnant. Easy as that.
Martha Meyer 2 years ago
The pill absolutely DOES fail. It even states the likelihood on the package.
Silja Hare 2 years ago
At the age of 40, I'd been having unprotected sex for over a decade with zero pregnancy scares. Is it so unreasonable to assume I was infertile?
Marcellus II 2 years ago
Read again! Their other THREE children, they've got a 4year old that's not even discussed after mentioning at the start!! If the 10y old is "a bit neglected" since the newborn, but had her first four years with all attention... imagine the 4y old that's come sandwiched between the special needs and unexpected one.
SoozeeQ 2 years ago
The four-year-old was the "toddler who loved having Big Sister at home all day, during lockdown". So, Izzy was dealing with school being online, no extracurricular activities, a brother having a meltdown because his routine had changed and a little sister, who probably followed her around all day. They may even share a bedroom which means Izzy has nowhere to "escape and just 'be'". Then she goes back to school and, because she has an empathetic nature, she responds to Maisy, who "loves it that somebody gets her". Which is nice and all, but Maisy's mother should be the one chaperoning her, and Izzy needs some space when she can just be a kid and not have to "be stressed, so that other's can be happy" in her own words.
Karina Carr 2 years ago
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A 4yr old is not a toddler. The toddler is the 1yr old. Toddlers are 1-3.
Airt 2 years ago
I belive that 4-years old is the son, Luke... So he was the second child and they decided to have two others after him. "A bit neglected" doesn't give a child a mental breakdown and normal parents don't think that child "needs a break" from something that shouldn't take place at all.
Gloria Stanley 2 years ago (edited)
@Airt Nope 3 daughters, 10, 4 and newborn and a son 6 who has autism and adhd.
Karina Carr 2 years ago
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Newborn? There's no newborn. There's a 1yr old who is the toddler.
Jen Jaquith 2 years ago
No, Luke was the 6 year old. Izzy - 10 Luke - 6 Then there was a 4y old daughter and a 1y old baby daughter
Ozacoter 2 years ago
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Definitely. If you have a special needs kid you mist stop having children for everybodys sake. What irresponsible parents.
Elizabeth Amador 2 years ago
I agree. My opinion is based on my sister's exhaustive love and work needed to care for her special needs daughter.
elSti 2 years ago
Even from you that sounds quite Harsh. But i know it's coming from your own painful experiences with your own "special" needs and life doesn t come as easy for you. However it's a broad term and some special needs kids have a real good life. It depends more on what the parents can and are willing to provide.
Sarah 2 years ago
That is disgusting. My sister has three kids. The oldest has special needs. You are saying that everyone would be better off if two of my nieces just didn't exist?
Diana Smith 2 years ago
Thank you @Sarah. I agree. That is a disgusting thought and these people who keep talking about abortion or not having kids after a special needs child are mechanical and probably have no heart. ALL children are gifts… not burdens. And if people would just show compassion (like the 10 year does) then this world would be so much better! It’s good to know when to say no. And Izzy’s mom did that for her daughter. But to treat a disabled child like a disease the way so many are doing here is pathetic! So sick!
Erica B 2 years ago
For whose sake? I have a little brother who is severe special needs. For your sake? Are you uncomfortable around special needs kids? You sounds very cruel with with statement. Reword it or take the time to form a thoughtful opinion.
CL Rowan 2 years ago
Stop twisting it~~this is about a 10 year old child who is being used as free specialized labor by two separate families. According to the Child Labor laws, she should NOT be doing this work at all. Playing with a sin is one thing, being their keepers another entirely. Then never getting a break from the caretaker role, even at school? THAT'S CRIMINAL.
Diana Smith 2 years ago
Thank you! Special needs kids are blessings too! And I have such admiration for parents who love on ALL their children. Everyone needs a helping hand once in a while… no matter who you are. How about we learn to help others instead of bashing them!
Alec 2 years ago
The third child is four, meaning that she was almost certainly conceived long before her brother's diagnosis (or even before their parents became aware of the need for a diagnosis). Remember, you are talking about conditions that take a while to make themselves apparent. As for the fourth pregnancy, that was unplanned. I agree that the situation is far from ideal, but let's not get too judgmental here. On the other hand I do agree that too much responsibility is being put on the 10 YO's shoulders, and her classmate's mother was WAY out of line
Gavin Johnson 2 years ago
Yay! Judgemental BP rides again. Look at you all, devaluing the child with special needs and reducing it to ‘birth control’. Pathetic. Many children go through developmental challenges during their childhood, they do it with their families surrounding them and supporting them. They are no different to children on the spectrum. Children of all varieties bring many different things to families, I know I’d rather have a caring sibling than one who judges others for their choices.
John Scott 2 years ago
You're missing the point. A 10 year old is not and should not be the parent or guardian. Especially, ESPECIALLY, if she is talking about being stressed.
Bobbie Burke 2 years ago
@John Scott...While I disagreed with your earlier comments, I entirely agree with you on this one. Sorry for calling you a jerk.
Diana Smith 2 years ago
Gavin is not missing the point. And frankly, I think you are John Scott. No one said that Izzy was being the parent or guardian of her little brother. She is a 10 year old who is helping mommy out once in a while when baby sister needs care. She is a 10 year old who is learning compassion, responsibility and team support better than you probably ever have or ever will. The 10 year old probably just wants to be able to make other friends and play other activities at school. Everyone needs a break from just about anything once in a while. But I think Izzy still likes being a helper once in a while. She is also at a peer pressure age. She probably is struggling with inconsiderate people who think a lot like you and so many others out there. I bet if some other kids wanted to play with Maisy, Izzy would feel better about playing all together. I know, because my daughter was just like Izzy. And there were many compassionate kids who played with the special needs kids at school.
Airt 2 years ago
Oh no, we "reduce" being parent to being reaponsible? How horrible of us... I've got ADHD and some other problems and as a child I mostly bring havoc, destruction and chaos. And even I with my problems and impulses can ad 1+1 and decide that children, even without special needs take a lot of time and energy. You don't have it, don't get so many of them or wait longer until the next one.
C O S 2 years ago
Exactly and to those saying birth control and condoms can fail... Never heard of Double Dutch? You know, taking condoms and a pill? Its definitely possible to keep yourself from getting pregnant if you just have enough braincells to think of both or at least Google ways to make it work!
Zero 2 years ago
That's still not 100%, dude. Have you ever done any research ever yourself ? Even getting vasectomies and your tubes tied isn't 100%. The only way to 100% prevent a baby is to not have sex, though apparently that's too much for most people and unwanted children are left abused, abandoned, and/or even dead. The amount of irresponsibility and delusion in this comment section is very telling.
C O S 2 years ago
Yes I do, which is why I'm pointing out using MULTIPLE will work. Like you pointed out, none of these options are 100%, but most of these do stop 99%. If both were to use multiple, then YES, it would work. I never heard of a research that says using as VARIOUS methods at the SAME TIME can end in failure if all methods are done correctly. I'm not irresponsible or delusional, and tbh YTA for saying something like this to me. I've seen your comments and I grew up abused and parentified as well. I know perfectly well not everyone should be parent but safe sex IS possible and that is NOT delusional.
Robin Martz 2 years ago
Who are YOU to decide they should not have more children? Last I checked, we don't live in China
Zero 2 years ago
If they can't take care of and give enough attention to the ones they already have, it's extremely irresponsible to keep having more. Growing up in a family with 4 siblings and having to raise them mostly myself, it was extremely infuriating every time another kid came. Because I knew I had to take care of them. This should constitute as neglect, because that's exactly what it is. It shouldn't have to be China for people to have common sense and realize when they but off more than they can chew. God.
abby smink 2 years ago
Unexpectedly got pregnant, but chose to stay that way. Life is all about choices.
Lulu Lemons 2 years ago (edited)
The recent one was unexpected and Luke would've been 2 when the other was born, and that's not always old enough for the symptoms to be dismissed as anything but a fussy child. I think you'd need more context before making this judgement.
Zophra 2 years ago
Of course the parent is in the right and her daughter should have a choice and not have to be with Maisy, but still the whole situation is just sad. Seems like the teacher needs to think more creatively with Maisy's mother to accomodate her child without leaning on a 10 year old as a constant solution.
ZentheOgre 2 years ago
I am sorry but it looks like Maisy's Mom (ain't got it going on) is using this class trip as an excuse to get freedom. I know it's draining having a child with autism and that parent date nights are few and far between though me and the wife still find time for brunch at the cafe or such while the kids are in school. If this kid has such separation anxiety did you run it by her therapist to see if it was in Maisy's best interest. Are you prepared for a freakout if an anxiety attack hits and she attacks another student/teacher while in fight of flight that tries to calm her down. How long would it take for mom to show up to pick her up. I am sorry but if Maisy want to do this trip the mother should chaperone.
Load More Replies... Otter 2 years ago
Yeah, tough beans on Maisy's parents, but that's probably what's best for Maisy. Maybe next time there's a class trip she'll be able to tolerate staying with a kindly peer or teacher... not that the teachers want to spend their night trying to quiet a kid that's having a meltdown. But the idea of putting her in a room with Izzy in a strange place means that she *will* have a meltdown, and a ten-year-old will be the one feeling horribly guilty for letting it happen.
Onion Morales 2 years ago
Parents of children with Autism need to understand that while it may be hard to deal with, they aren't and will never be the victim of their child's condition. I'm Autistic and I need a little extra help in social scenarios. Parents need to deal with it.
Kathryn Baylis 2 years ago
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I’m amazed no one has asked you this, but as the voice of experience for Maisy’s side of all this, what do you think is the best solution, which meets her needs and doesn’t put all the caretaking responsibilities on 10 year old Izzy’s shoulders?
Kathryn Baylis 2 years ago
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Or how about Maisy’s father—-let’s not let Daddy off the hook so easily.
April P 2 years ago
I am not sure where they live but there are support groups for parents with special needs children. Especially, those on the spectrum. I cannot figure out why neither parents have not looked into outside support. I am also confused about the school not providing better support for a special needs child. I have a brother who teaches 4th grade, he is trained to observe issues in his classroom and get support. Again, I am not sure where they live.
Amy Allyar 2 years ago
You still get date trips with your wife. In her case her husbsnd left them.
Hosebewhening 2 years ago (edited)
Both mother's are selfish. Poor Izzy, her parents continue to have children after having a special needs kid they have groomed their daughter to care for.
Keisha 2 years ago
There are some parents that will try to make raising their children someone else's problem. If Maisie's mom wants her to go then she can chaperone and her and Maisie can share a room. It's not up to Izzy, Izzy's parents nor the teacher to care for Maisie it's mom's job. She needs to stop trying to make it a 10 year old classmates job.
Erica B 2 years ago
Schools need more accommodation for special needs children. WAY more. The teacher probably does the best they can. The SCHOOL needs to hire professionals trained to understand special needs students and have them in the classrooms/on field trips. Schools need more funding.
Ashi Mari 2 years ago
The teacher suggested it, Maisy's mom felt entitled to it. Just because a kid understands your daughter more than you doesn't mean that kid should be your own's mother
Kathryn Baylis 2 years ago (edited)
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The teacher should’ve run the idea past Izzy’s mom first. Izzy probably only reluctantly agreed because she thought the teacher would be angry at her if she said no.
Amy Allyar 2 years ago
IZZY feels she needs to do all these to get the teacher's and her mom's approval. The teacher should get Izzy and a few others to be with Maisy. Not just Izzy. School need to guve teacher assistants or get parent volunteers in. Izzy's mom must stop giving birth and pushing her caregiving job to a 10 year old child!
Amy Allyar 2 years ago
The kid is taking on too much at home. Since Izzy's mom can't cope with her ADHD son, she trained or let her eldest daughter Izzy to take over her duties hence depriving Izzy of her childhood and she feels good about it and proud of her daughter Izzy and probably goes round telling people how proud she is od her daughter , Izzy, hence making Izzy feel guilty and she thinks she better continue to be a caregiver in order to gain her mom's approval. But Izzy's mom is so selfish to go on and have another baby and also expects Izzy to help with the toddler too! What's wrong with thisv woman.? Did she discuss her family planning with Izzy or is izzy the default free baby sitter who must put her own childhood on hold to accomodate her selfish parents family planning? Izzy's protest against Maisy is just the tip of the ice berg. The root of the problem is really about the stress Izzy is feeling at home but too afraid to tell her mom in case she disappoint her mom who went around praising her.
Zero 2 years ago
Seems to me like Maisy's mother should be the one doing that. It's her child; not Izzy's, not Izzy's mom, not the teacher's. Hers. She should be the one helping her child to cope with that, or she should just be home-schooled. I'm sick of parents these days passing accountability for their children onto other people and things. It's so ridiculous.
Amy Allyar 2 years ago
I think Izzy's protest about caring for Maisy is only the tip of the iceberg. The root of the problem is Izzy is overworked and overstressed at home. It was selfish of Izzy's mom to go have a 4th child, leaving Izzy to handle her ADHD son.
Michelle Licardi 2 years ago
Okay. So everyone has an opinion. But there is no I think or the parents fault .! This situation is a long lived problem for parents and other children who have a family member with Autism and/or ADHD, or other physical or mental problems. People wake up this is a definite problem with our society , and resources that are available to help children that have mental , physical,and emotional, ect. hardships. Noone knows where there brother Luke hardship came from, and Noone knows where Maisy hardship came from. Was it a natural incident, or was it an induced incident? When a 10 year old little girl is trying to help a class mate, that shows character and traits of a little girl. When Maisy clings to a peer for help that also shows she has the ability to except help in her emotional times. OP mom did the right thing by Izzy. Izzy helps out at home, like a older child should or could! Maisy's mom just wants the same for her daughter as the other children have. Masiy's mother should have h
CL Rowan 2 years ago
I disagree with the homeschooling comment. Every child has the right to be schooled with their peers. Some need additional, *professional* help in order to cope in certain situations. However, NO CHILD should be made to feel responsible for a sibling or fellow student. Their job is to BE A KID.
Jo Choto 2 years ago
I remember as a child that I would be burdened with things I did not want to do because I was good at them. That included caring for other children. In reality, it caused me stress and distress. It should never be a child's responsibility to manage the problems and medical conditions of another child. The adults need to figure out a solution that doesn't burden another child.
Otter 2 years ago
The OP feels guilty about overburdening her kid by making her take on classmates as well as a sibling, and doesn't realize she's already overburdening the kid. It's not in her interest to do that, overburdened children tend to run screaming away from their families of origin as soon as it's feasible, so if the OP doesn't change things she's going to be shocked, SHOCKED, to find that in a few years from now, Izzy is only applying to out-of-state colleges.
Load More Replies... Cold Contagious 2 years ago
That's if she even goes to college. That's if she doesn't fall for the first toxic man or woman that convinces her that they love her and just want to take care of her for a change... By slowly and cunningly convincing her to depend upon them more and more. While they systematically undermine her independence and identity, grooming and gaslighting her subtly, until they finally begin the more blatant abuse tactics. Or it swings the other way and she finds someone who wants to let her take care of them and plays on her nurturing instincts. Begin told it's love to take care of them in that way, reinforcing all the years of the carer role she was placed into at home. Either relationship being wildly abusive and toxic, but falling into patterns that happen everyday. I hope they break this cycle now for the benefit of this child's health and life going forward.
Dunja Blackwell 2 years ago
Omgs.. This.. Yes. I ran as soon as I could and ignored my family for a long time.
Stacie Leppky 2 years ago
Right?? That was my first thought. She got pregnant “unexpectedly”... I mean, they knew they were already overwhelmed with 3 kids. Birth control (temp or permanent) was not practiced?? Or abortion? smh
Fernanda Abreu 2 years ago
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Abortion is not an option. It's literally a mother killing her child. From what I understood, the OP actually gives a damn about her children, she's not a psychopath. In her own way, but she does care about them.
IcarusOfTheSkywings 2 years ago
Abortion is not 'literally a mother killing her child' unless they have already developed to a point at which they are considered alive. Often an abortion occurs when a woman has an unwanted pregnancy, or the child would not likely survive the birth 'due to a growth defect of some kind. It is their right to decide whether or not they want an abortion.
April P 2 years ago
That's what I did. My mother had me taking care of my younger siblings. I moved away and visit when I want, against my mother's wishes. She tried to guilt me as much as she could until she figured out I wasn't having any of it. To this day, my siblings seem to only call me if they need something, like I am still their mother. I help them when I can but I look at it as they are grown. If I can take care of myself, they are just as capable of taking care themselves.
Caro Caro 2 years ago
Too much responsibility on a child's shoulders is never a good thing. Kids need to be kids and I think Izzy already has a bit more to chew on at home despite the parents being aware of Izzy, so if she gets a chance to be Izzy without being a sister, carer, whatever it would be very good for her, she needs a breather too!
William Walton 2 years ago
Same with me, the eldest of three, was just naturally the babysitter, for my brothers and sisters, and even my friends… just been mature for my age I guess, sure it was stressful, all kinds of things are stressful 🤷♂️… glad it made me the man I am now though
Danielle Love 2 years ago
I was also burdened by family members with taking care of children at the age of 8. By 9 I was taking care of a newborn baby, sometimes ALONE. I will never forget how scared I was, he got a fever and was throwing up which made me throw up and no one was there, I thought he was going to die! So yes I totally understand how much stress it causes, poor kid.
Ashley Jernigan 2 years ago
SAME. Because I was very good at caring for smaller children, it was ALWAYS my job to do so. SMH.... And I was the youngest out of me and my sister, but it was ALWAYS on me to care for any smaller kids that were around. It shouldn't ever be on the kids, it should be on the adults.
Lulu Lemons 2 years ago (edited)
I may be wrong and I know my familys experience won't be everyone's, but the kid can parentify themselves. My eldest brother and older sister certainly did at age 10 as they were protective of me and my brother who are both autistic. I know this because I've asked them before if they ever resented the responsibility they had towards me and my brother and they said no, they chose to do it to help us and our parents. I've also talked to others who've shared this, and others who were forced into it. I think you'd need to actually see the family dynamic in person to be able to tell if the parent is forcing them into it or if they're willingly doing it.
Airt 2 years ago
Just an idea but maybe if those parents thought that their two children (one with special needs) need them and their attention they sholud not get another two children and dump reaponsibilities on the oldest daughter? I have nothing against big families but if you can take care of them not just make as many babies as possible and then cry that it's hard.
Anthony Roberts 2 years ago
I agree. Birth control is cheap. Four kids (especially with one being very special needs) is not.
Load More Replies... John Scott 2 years ago
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I've been around a while and never got anyone "unexpectedly" pregnant. We all know how it works. It's not "unexpected."
Majduneldb Hfidbrs 2 years ago
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Someone skipped sex ed...90% of women on this planet get pregnant unexpectedly...many while on birth control.
Majduneldb Hfidbrs 2 years ago
Not 100% effective AND not available everywhere...many women in USA can't have it at all and they can't get an abortion either...
Ainsley Mongraw 2 years ago
Oh my goodness they are doomed to be baby makers then I guess. It's not like people can just NOT HAVE SEX during ovulation. Guess no one seems to understand biology or have any damn self control. Learn your cycle and act accordingly. Stop blaming condoms and birth control.
Leah Ma 2 years ago
You're talking about the rhythm method. How many women do you think really know when they ovulate? How many of their sex partners would really listen to them when they say 'I can't have sex right now because I'm ovulating'? Geeze, lady, you're so unreal! I became pregnant the second time when I wasn't supposed to be ovulating. Many do. Many Catholics use this method. That's why (in the past before contraceptives) there were so many Catholics. Because it was SO UNRELIABLE--just as the human body is unreliable! Get yourself an education & a book on the statistics of babies born to moms using the rhythm method! Learn how unreliable it is! Incidentally, I am the mom to a doctor, the grandma to another, the grandma-in-law to another & the aunt to 2 more! You can trust me to know what I'm talking about!
LittleLiz 2 years ago
I understand where you're coming from, and she did mention that #4 was a "surprise" (but you can't be too surprised if you had sex and it made a baby. What did they expect, a 10 piece mcnugget?) BUT it can be rewarding to have that many kids. Sometimes people who grew up in a big family feel like the house is empty with only 2 kids. I think you're mostly right though. If you want 5 kids and #2 is special needs, then you accept that you need to stop there so that you can give each kid the attention they need. Izzy deserves better
Lubna Fawzy-Qureshi 2 years ago
I agree. Social service needs to be involved when parents burden their children with THEIR responsibility. I see no diff btw Maisy”s Mom and Izzy’s Mom. Both used Izzy for their own benefit. If you can’t care for your kids, don’t have them. Abstaining from sex won’t lead to “failed” birth control. Seeing how Izzy’s Mom pawns off her parental responsibility on her 10yr old I don’t have much trust she’s responsible w/birth control.
Casper Mandi Shroyer 2 years ago
Because it's never that easy. I had to FIGHT with my Dr's to get my tubes tied after my 4th pregnancy, 3rd child (lost one). All were different forms of bc failure. One condom broke, one IUD slipped out of proper placement due to an unusually shaped cervix, and 2 were oral bc failures, different types. Both taken precisely as instructed. And yet I STILL had to FIGHT to get my tubes tied. At 34. Married. 3rd living birth. My Dr's argued and hemmed and hawed until I finally ordered them to do it or I'd find a dr who would. 3 months of arguments before I was ALLOWED to choose a more permanent solution. Oh, and I had been trying for a tubal since I was 18. Also after every single child. But since I was married and chose to have sex with my husband, I guess I desreved to have more kids, despite responsibly trying to prevent pregnancy, as a "punishment" huh. Classy.
GW 2 years ago
Why TF were you arguing with your doctor about having a tubal ligation when it's an _infinitely_ safer and less invasive procedure w/few potential future complications down the road for your, clearly idiotic and selfish husband to not get off his ass and get a vasectomy?! I am a guy and I can understand the immediate wincing involved in just imagining having this procedure. However, I recognize it is the superior option health-wise for everyone involved. The proper answer was to tell your husband to go get _his_ tubes cut/tied or the punani is closed off to him forever. Or just divorce his ass for being a selfish prick. Infuriating!
Jen Jaquith 2 years ago
Yes, I had the same thing happen. My doctor didn’t want to let me get my tubes tied. Unexpected pregnancies happen all the time!!! I was on Depo (the shot you get once a month) and I had an ear infection. I was young and didn’t know that antibiotics lessen birth control and I got pregnant. But she was a blessing and I can’t imagine my life without her.
Diana Smith 2 years ago
We were blessed with our 4th after a vasectomy went bad. Pregnant for 3 months (health issues prior) before we knew we were pregnant. I wouldn’t change a thing.
Lulu Lemons 2 years ago
I may be wrong and I know my familys experience won't be everyone's, but the kid can parentify themselves. My eldest brother and older sister certainly did at age 10 as they were protective of me and my brother who are both autistic. I know this because I've asked them before if they ever resented the responsibility they had towards me and my brother and they said no, they chose to do it to help us and our parents. I've also talked to others who've shared this, and others who were forced into it. I think you'd need to actually see the family dynamic in person to be able to tell if the parent is forcing them into it or if they're willingly doing it.
Leah Ma 2 years ago
I can easily see that happening. I've spent my life mediating between people. It seems I'm always getting stuck with people who don't get along or where one of them is a pain in the neck and I have to find a way for them to get along. I'm very good at it. No one ever asked me to do it, I just do it. Maybe it's because I like peace and quiet around me.
Beth L 2 years ago
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I know a woman who is 2/2 on birth control babies. The first one was a honeymoon souvenir, when they had planned on delaying starting a family for at least 5 years.
John Scott 2 years ago
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No you don't. That's not a thing with proper birth control.
Martha Meyer 2 years ago
@John Scott, you are just ignorant. I know people with four kids were each of them was a birth control accident. Two were failed pill, one a coil, one a condom. I even know a few couples who have vasectomy kids. Yes, that can heal.
Diana Smith 2 years ago
How can people turn this discussion about a mom caring for her daughter’s well being at school into a “get an abortion” talk!?!
Majduneldb Hfidbrs 2 years ago
Tell is you don't know anything about birth control without telling us you don't know s**t about it...seriously man get a sex ed class
Gloria Stanley 2 years ago
@John Scott you are right, however there are things that can make the birth control fail. Sometimes stress or a new supplement, more often a new prescription that can, in some people cause enough of a shift for birth control to fail. However the chance of it is very low, but given then the past 2 years where really testing for majority of the population maybe there is a study that can be done on 'The effect of Stress on Birth Control' if it already not been done.
Bobbie Burke 2 years ago
@john Scott, you are an ignorant and opinionated under informed jerk.
Majduneldb Hfidbrs 2 years ago
Tell dr to let us have our tubes tied and make men get a vasectomy...good luck on both counts
aaron key 2 years ago (edited)
I don't think we should be making anyone do anything. Believe it or not, men often have similar issues when under the age of 25 and requesting vasectomies. Mind you, denial of the procedure is far less prevalent in men than it is in women, men and women should be allowed to take control of their own bodies and if someone gets a "tubal litigation" or a vasectomy and regrets it, vasectomies can be reversed, tubal litigation kind of can and sperm can be frozen and subsequently deposited into a sperm bank, if one so chooses. We've moved past the time of worrying about whether or not people will regret committing themselves to being childless and just let people do whatever the hell they want to do with their own bodies, as long as it does not affect anyone else (which birth control, vasectomies and "tubal litigations" do not)
Leodavinci 2 years ago
Doubt many people who grew up in large families feel a house is empty with only 2 kids. Both my parents came from families with 8-10 members. Almost all of them only had 2-3 kids.
abby smink 2 years ago
I might actually chose to have sex if I got a 10 piece McNugget every time.
Julie Price 2 years ago
Birth control is effective but you have to take the pill. It doesn't just "fail". I was on it for 20 years and only got pregnant when I stopped taking it. Antibiotics will cause it to fail but if you take the pill, you already know that. Get lazy, get pregnant. Easy as that.
Martha Meyer 2 years ago
The pill absolutely DOES fail. It even states the likelihood on the package.
Silja Hare 2 years ago
At the age of 40, I'd been having unprotected sex for over a decade with zero pregnancy scares. Is it so unreasonable to assume I was infertile?
Marcellus II 2 years ago
Read again! Their other THREE children, they've got a 4year old that's not even discussed after mentioning at the start!! If the 10y old is "a bit neglected" since the newborn, but had her first four years with all attention... imagine the 4y old that's come sandwiched between the special needs and unexpected one.
SoozeeQ 2 years ago
The four-year-old was the "toddler who loved having Big Sister at home all day, during lockdown". So, Izzy was dealing with school being online, no extracurricular activities, a brother having a meltdown because his routine had changed and a little sister, who probably followed her around all day. They may even share a bedroom which means Izzy has nowhere to "escape and just 'be'". Then she goes back to school and, because she has an empathetic nature, she responds to Maisy, who "loves it that somebody gets her". Which is nice and all, but Maisy's mother should be the one chaperoning her, and Izzy needs some space when she can just be a kid and not have to "be stressed, so that other's can be happy" in her own words.
Karina Carr 2 years ago
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A 4yr old is not a toddler. The toddler is the 1yr old. Toddlers are 1-3.
Airt 2 years ago
I belive that 4-years old is the son, Luke... So he was the second child and they decided to have two others after him. "A bit neglected" doesn't give a child a mental breakdown and normal parents don't think that child "needs a break" from something that shouldn't take place at all.
Gloria Stanley 2 years ago (edited)
@Airt Nope 3 daughters, 10, 4 and newborn and a son 6 who has autism and adhd.
Karina Carr 2 years ago
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Newborn? There's no newborn. There's a 1yr old who is the toddler.
Jen Jaquith 2 years ago
No, Luke was the 6 year old. Izzy - 10 Luke - 6 Then there was a 4y old daughter and a 1y old baby daughter
Ozacoter 2 years ago
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Definitely. If you have a special needs kid you mist stop having children for everybodys sake. What irresponsible parents.
Elizabeth Amador 2 years ago
I agree. My opinion is based on my sister's exhaustive love and work needed to care for her special needs daughter.
elSti 2 years ago
Even from you that sounds quite Harsh. But i know it's coming from your own painful experiences with your own "special" needs and life doesn t come as easy for you. However it's a broad term and some special needs kids have a real good life. It depends more on what the parents can and are willing to provide.
Sarah 2 years ago
That is disgusting. My sister has three kids. The oldest has special needs. You are saying that everyone would be better off if two of my nieces just didn't exist?
Diana Smith 2 years ago
Thank you @Sarah. I agree. That is a disgusting thought and these people who keep talking about abortion or not having kids after a special needs child are mechanical and probably have no heart. ALL children are gifts… not burdens. And if people would just show compassion (like the 10 year does) then this world would be so much better! It’s good to know when to say no. And Izzy’s mom did that for her daughter. But to treat a disabled child like a disease the way so many are doing here is pathetic! So sick!
Erica B 2 years ago
For whose sake? I have a little brother who is severe special needs. For your sake? Are you uncomfortable around special needs kids? You sounds very cruel with with statement. Reword it or take the time to form a thoughtful opinion.
CL Rowan 2 years ago
Stop twisting it~~this is about a 10 year old child who is being used as free specialized labor by two separate families. According to the Child Labor laws, she should NOT be doing this work at all. Playing with a sin is one thing, being their keepers another entirely. Then never getting a break from the caretaker role, even at school? THAT'S CRIMINAL.
Diana Smith 2 years ago
Thank you! Special needs kids are blessings too! And I have such admiration for parents who love on ALL their children. Everyone needs a helping hand once in a while… no matter who you are. How about we learn to help others instead of bashing them!
Alec 2 years ago
The third child is four, meaning that she was almost certainly conceived long before her brother's diagnosis (or even before their parents became aware of the need for a diagnosis). Remember, you are talking about conditions that take a while to make themselves apparent. As for the fourth pregnancy, that was unplanned. I agree that the situation is far from ideal, but let's not get too judgmental here. On the other hand I do agree that too much responsibility is being put on the 10 YO's shoulders, and her classmate's mother was WAY out of line
Gavin Johnson 2 years ago
Yay! Judgemental BP rides again. Look at you all, devaluing the child with special needs and reducing it to ‘birth control’. Pathetic. Many children go through developmental challenges during their childhood, they do it with their families surrounding them and supporting them. They are no different to children on the spectrum. Children of all varieties bring many different things to families, I know I’d rather have a caring sibling than one who judges others for their choices.
John Scott 2 years ago
You're missing the point. A 10 year old is not and should not be the parent or guardian. Especially, ESPECIALLY, if she is talking about being stressed.
Bobbie Burke 2 years ago
@John Scott...While I disagreed with your earlier comments, I entirely agree with you on this one. Sorry for calling you a jerk.
Diana Smith 2 years ago
Gavin is not missing the point. And frankly, I think you are John Scott. No one said that Izzy was being the parent or guardian of her little brother. She is a 10 year old who is helping mommy out once in a while when baby sister needs care. She is a 10 year old who is learning compassion, responsibility and team support better than you probably ever have or ever will. The 10 year old probably just wants to be able to make other friends and play other activities at school. Everyone needs a break from just about anything once in a while. But I think Izzy still likes being a helper once in a while. She is also at a peer pressure age. She probably is struggling with inconsiderate people who think a lot like you and so many others out there. I bet if some other kids wanted to play with Maisy, Izzy would feel better about playing all together. I know, because my daughter was just like Izzy. And there were many compassionate kids who played with the special needs kids at school.
Airt 2 years ago
Oh no, we "reduce" being parent to being reaponsible? How horrible of us... I've got ADHD and some other problems and as a child I mostly bring havoc, destruction and chaos. And even I with my problems and impulses can ad 1+1 and decide that children, even without special needs take a lot of time and energy. You don't have it, don't get so many of them or wait longer until the next one.
C O S 2 years ago
Exactly and to those saying birth control and condoms can fail... Never heard of Double Dutch? You know, taking condoms and a pill? Its definitely possible to keep yourself from getting pregnant if you just have enough braincells to think of both or at least Google ways to make it work!
Zero 2 years ago
That's still not 100%, dude. Have you ever done any research ever yourself ? Even getting vasectomies and your tubes tied isn't 100%. The only way to 100% prevent a baby is to not have sex, though apparently that's too much for most people and unwanted children are left abused, abandoned, and/or even dead. The amount of irresponsibility and delusion in this comment section is very telling.
C O S 2 years ago
Yes I do, which is why I'm pointing out using MULTIPLE will work. Like you pointed out, none of these options are 100%, but most of these do stop 99%. If both were to use multiple, then YES, it would work. I never heard of a research that says using as VARIOUS methods at the SAME TIME can end in failure if all methods are done correctly. I'm not irresponsible or delusional, and tbh YTA for saying something like this to me. I've seen your comments and I grew up abused and parentified as well. I know perfectly well not everyone should be parent but safe sex IS possible and that is NOT delusional.
Robin Martz 2 years ago
Who are YOU to decide they should not have more children? Last I checked, we don't live in China
Zero 2 years ago
If they can't take care of and give enough attention to the ones they already have, it's extremely irresponsible to keep having more. Growing up in a family with 4 siblings and having to raise them mostly myself, it was extremely infuriating every time another kid came. Because I knew I had to take care of them. This should constitute as neglect, because that's exactly what it is. It shouldn't have to be China for people to have common sense and realize when they but off more than they can chew. God.
abby smink 2 years ago
Unexpectedly got pregnant, but chose to stay that way. Life is all about choices.
Lulu Lemons 2 years ago (edited)
The recent one was unexpected and Luke would've been 2 when the other was born, and that's not always old enough for the symptoms to be dismissed as anything but a fussy child. I think you'd need more context before making this judgement.
Zophra 2 years ago
Of course the parent is in the right and her daughter should have a choice and not have to be with Maisy, but still the whole situation is just sad. Seems like the teacher needs to think more creatively with Maisy's mother to accomodate her child without leaning on a 10 year old as a constant solution.
ZentheOgre 2 years ago
I am sorry but it looks like Maisy's Mom (ain't got it going on) is using this class trip as an excuse to get freedom. I know it's draining having a child with autism and that parent date nights are few and far between though me and the wife still find time for brunch at the cafe or such while the kids are in school. If this kid has such separation anxiety did you run it by her therapist to see if it was in Maisy's best interest. Are you prepared for a freakout if an anxiety attack hits and she attacks another student/teacher while in fight of flight that tries to calm her down. How long would it take for mom to show up to pick her up. I am sorry but if Maisy want to do this trip the mother should chaperone.
Load More Replies... Otter 2 years ago
Yeah, tough beans on Maisy's parents, but that's probably what's best for Maisy. Maybe next time there's a class trip she'll be able to tolerate staying with a kindly peer or teacher... not that the teachers want to spend their night trying to quiet a kid that's having a meltdown. But the idea of putting her in a room with Izzy in a strange place means that she *will* have a meltdown, and a ten-year-old will be the one feeling horribly guilty for letting it happen.
Onion Morales 2 years ago
Parents of children with Autism need to understand that while it may be hard to deal with, they aren't and will never be the victim of their child's condition. I'm Autistic and I need a little extra help in social scenarios. Parents need to deal with it.
Kathryn Baylis 2 years ago
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I’m amazed no one has asked you this, but as the voice of experience for Maisy’s side of all this, what do you think is the best solution, which meets her needs and doesn’t put all the caretaking responsibilities on 10 year old Izzy’s shoulders?
Kathryn Baylis 2 years ago
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Or how about Maisy’s father—-let’s not let Daddy off the hook so easily.
April P 2 years ago
I am not sure where they live but there are support groups for parents with special needs children. Especially, those on the spectrum. I cannot figure out why neither parents have not looked into outside support. I am also confused about the school not providing better support for a special needs child. I have a brother who teaches 4th grade, he is trained to observe issues in his classroom and get support. Again, I am not sure where they live.
Amy Allyar 2 years ago
You still get date trips with your wife. In her case her husbsnd left them.
Hosebewhening 2 years ago (edited)
Both mother's are selfish. Poor Izzy, her parents continue to have children after having a special needs kid they have groomed their daughter to care for.
Keisha 2 years ago
There are some parents that will try to make raising their children someone else's problem. If Maisie's mom wants her to go then she can chaperone and her and Maisie can share a room. It's not up to Izzy, Izzy's parents nor the teacher to care for Maisie it's mom's job. She needs to stop trying to make it a 10 year old classmates job.
Erica B 2 years ago
Schools need more accommodation for special needs children. WAY more. The teacher probably does the best they can. The SCHOOL needs to hire professionals trained to understand special needs students and have them in the classrooms/on field trips. Schools need more funding.
Ashi Mari 2 years ago
The teacher suggested it, Maisy's mom felt entitled to it. Just because a kid understands your daughter more than you doesn't mean that kid should be your own's mother
Kathryn Baylis 2 years ago (edited)
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The teacher should’ve run the idea past Izzy’s mom first. Izzy probably only reluctantly agreed because she thought the teacher would be angry at her if she said no.
Amy Allyar 2 years ago
IZZY feels she needs to do all these to get the teacher's and her mom's approval. The teacher should get Izzy and a few others to be with Maisy. Not just Izzy. School need to guve teacher assistants or get parent volunteers in. Izzy's mom must stop giving birth and pushing her caregiving job to a 10 year old child!
Amy Allyar 2 years ago
The kid is taking on too much at home. Since Izzy's mom can't cope with her ADHD son, she trained or let her eldest daughter Izzy to take over her duties hence depriving Izzy of her childhood and she feels good about it and proud of her daughter Izzy and probably goes round telling people how proud she is od her daughter , Izzy, hence making Izzy feel guilty and she thinks she better continue to be a caregiver in order to gain her mom's approval. But Izzy's mom is so selfish to go on and have another baby and also expects Izzy to help with the toddler too! What's wrong with thisv woman.? Did she discuss her family planning with Izzy or is izzy the default free baby sitter who must put her own childhood on hold to accomodate her selfish parents family planning? Izzy's protest against Maisy is just the tip of the ice berg. The root of the problem is really about the stress Izzy is feeling at home but too afraid to tell her mom in case she disappoint her mom who went around praising her.
Zero 2 years ago
Seems to me like Maisy's mother should be the one doing that. It's her child; not Izzy's, not Izzy's mom, not the teacher's. Hers. She should be the one helping her child to cope with that, or she should just be home-schooled. I'm sick of parents these days passing accountability for their children onto other people and things. It's so ridiculous.
Amy Allyar 2 years ago
I think Izzy's protest about caring for Maisy is only the tip of the iceberg. The root of the problem is Izzy is overworked and overstressed at home. It was selfish of Izzy's mom to go have a 4th child, leaving Izzy to handle her ADHD son.
Michelle Licardi 2 years ago
Okay. So everyone has an opinion. But there is no I think or the parents fault .! This situation is a long lived problem for parents and other children who have a family member with Autism and/or ADHD, or other physical or mental problems. People wake up this is a definite problem with our society , and resources that are available to help children that have mental , physical,and emotional, ect. hardships. Noone knows where there brother Luke hardship came from, and Noone knows where Maisy hardship came from. Was it a natural incident, or was it an induced incident? When a 10 year old little girl is trying to help a class mate, that shows character and traits of a little girl. When Maisy clings to a peer for help that also shows she has the ability to except help in her emotional times. OP mom did the right thing by Izzy. Izzy helps out at home, like a older child should or could! Maisy's mom just wants the same for her daughter as the other children have. Masiy's mother should have h
CL Rowan 2 years ago
I disagree with the homeschooling comment. Every child has the right to be schooled with their peers. Some need additional, *professional* help in order to cope in certain situations. However, NO CHILD should be made to feel responsible for a sibling or fellow student. Their job is to BE A KID.
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