Moderator’s note:

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Throwaway for obvious reasons.

I’m asking this question on BP instead of Reddit because I find the comments here don’t automatically go to “divorce him!” and I need advice, not judgment.

My husband and I (early 50s hetero couple) both enjoy adult entertainment. I’m not looking for judgment on that in general, so if you want to comment on that please go elsewhere. Where my problem lies is in the kind of adult videos I found my husband using.

A little background:

My husband and I watch a show that is only available to stream online and he often watches ahead at night. I wanted to catch up today so I opened his computer

Image credits: Phillip Goldsberry (not the actual photo)

Which he has always said is fine to do (and it’s the device we use to stream the show). When I opened the browser there were so many tabs open I decided it was faster to just use the pull-down menu of tabs to find the show. But when I did, there were two recently closed tabs at the bottom (not deleted), both to a site that included the words intercourse and university.

I will admit I snooped and went to the site and what I found really upset me

Image credits: Resume Genius (not the actual photo)

It’s an animated first-player game where frat guys try to get laid by “barely 21” girls in various ways and can achieve different levels. Again, I’m OK with adult entertainment but there are two things that really bothered me about this game.

1. The girls in this game are “just” 21 (in university, hence the game title) and
2. Two of the levels are “Daddy” (getting a barely legal girl pregnant) and “Breeder” (getting multiple girls pregnant).

For context, our daughter is 22.

I took a screenshot and sent it to my husband explaining exactly how I’d come across it and that we needed to talk. His text response was “Sure.”

I lost it and we ended up talking on the phone for an hour (he’s at work and I’m at home). I tried to explain how wrong I found this and how I felt about him playing a game where he tries to have intercourse and impregnate girls younger than our daughter.

His responses came down to “It’s no big deal, it’s just a game, I’m sorry it upset you, I won’t play it anymore”

Image credits: Alex Green (not the actual photo)

When I asked how he was OK with the barely legal aspect of it he said all the disclaimers said people were over 21 and he wasn’t the one who wrote the game, he was just using it so it wasn’t like the ideas were his. Then he said that it was a game like Doom where just because you shoot a bunch of people doesn’t mean you’d do it in real life. Then he said he wasn’t using it to pleasure himself, it was just for fun. I called b******t on that but he insisted it was just for fun.

When I pointed out the incest language (“Daddy”) he claimed he wasn’t aware of it (it’s on the g*ddamn “achievements” page) and that of course that was offensive and that wasn’t something he’d ever be interested in.

I don’t even know what to do with this. He swears the age of the characters mean nothing because the avatar he uses is 21 and so are the girls, so that’s OK. He doesn’t seem to understand why I’m so upset.

He’s at work and I’ve asked him to either crash at a friend’s pad or I’ll go elsewhere tonight because I don’t think I can be around him. I’m actually sick to my stomach thinking about this. When I asked him to do that he told me no way I was throwing him out of our family home. But I’m not throwing him out, I just want a little time to process this, and if that means staying on my Dad’s couch for a few days I’m fine with that.

I’m so upset I don’t know what to do. Does the fact that it’s an animated game make it OK? Or that the characters are over 21? Am I overreacting? We can’t afford therapy and I can’t talk about this with anyone else. Help, please.

Moderator’s note:

Please note that the images included in this article are for illustrative purposes only and do not represent the actual individuals or items discussed in the story.

If you have a comparable experience or story you’d like to tell, we welcome your submissions. Click here to share your story with Bored Panda.

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