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I recently had a discussion with an outspoken childfree friend of mine on this topic. Her take is that, except for emergencies, children do not belong on a plane, ever, as they disturb others. Since children and flights seem to be a topic of discussion here, I figured I’d ask.

My mother (64F), husband (40M), daughter (just turned 3, F), son (11 months, M), and I (33F) are planning a vacation to Australia from Europe

Image credits: Ross Parmly (not the actual photo)

We do have good reasons to go now, but it is not an emergency. It is a long flight, and while we have done everything we can to prepare, we cannot guarantee that the kids will never cry. So, are we the AH for going on this trip?

I lived abroad on a sponsored student exchange in Western Australia for a year with a host family at age 15/16

Image credits: Joey Csunyo (not the actual photo)

My mum has wanted to see the places I have been and meet the people there ever since. However, money was always tight in my family, so she couldn’t go. For her 60th birthday, I saved up for years and presented her with a trip to Australia to visit all the people and places. She was over the moon!

Then COVID hit, and we couldn’t go. No one knew how long this would last. In the meantime, I got married and had two kids. Since leaving them for a month is not an option for either of us, we have decided to make this a family trip. Of course, we could wait until the kids are older; however, since we’d like to foster 1-2 more kids, this will a) be a long time from now, when my mum is likely too old for such long travel, and b) be very expensive for all of us.

I am well aware that no one on that plane will be happy to see us

Image credits: Lukas Souza (not the actual photo)

Most of us would like a plane full of people who will board, sit still, not take up much space, and shut up for multiple hours and then exit. However, making this a rule would exclude many people (bachelorettes, bigger people, old people, people with an obvious mental illness, service animals…). I personally don’t think my comfort should exclude anyone from doing what they want. That is my opinion, but I could be wrong.

Of course, we will do absolutely everything we can to make this trip go as smoothly as possible for everyone. This includes:

• We booked a more expensive flight to have a good start time (afternoon), only one layover (short), and an airline known to be good with kids (Singapore Airlines);
• We booked seats in the first row with all the legroom to play. No one will be kicked in the back;
• We obviously booked seats together;
• We will check in all luggage the previous day without kids, so the airport is as stress-free as can be;
• We have a chair expansion thing so our daughter can lie down to sleep;
• We will bring lots of snacks;
• We have many quiet games our daughter likes (puzzles and such);
• We got our daughter used to headphones and a few videos on the tablet;
• I have kept up a little breastfeeding so I can calm my son during takeoff;
• If necessary, we have gummy bears with melatonin and the doctor’s okay for one-time use so the kids can sleep.

Generally speaking, I’d say we have rather calm and well-behaved kids. However, the whole trip door to door is almost 24 hours. During that time, an 11-month-old will likely cry at some point, and a stressed/tired 3-year-old will likely have some tantrums. Usually, both don’t last long, but enough to disturb people around us if they are light sleepers or don’t have headphones/something in their ears to dim the noise. This inconvenience to others is probably unavoidable. Worst case, they cry for hours and hours (which neither has ever done so far, but it’s not impossible). So, are we the AH for consciously likely being a disturbance to other passengers in order to fulfill my mum’s lifelong dream?

Moderator’s note:

Please note that the images included in this article are for illustrative purposes only and do not represent the actual individuals or items discussed in the story.

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