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83
Hey Pandas, AITA For Trying To Keep My Social Media Safe From A Creepy Family Friend?
Moderator’s note:
If you find yourself disagreeing with this person’s actions, we encourage you not to downvote the post. Instead, kindly express your opinions in the comments. We recommend maintaining politeness and articulating your thoughts with well-constructed arguments.
I (20F) have been on Tumblr for some years, and recently, a family friend (23M) downloaded it too and started following me as he knew my URL. He’s got a crush on me and just isn’t normal about it.
For context, here’s a non-exhaustive list of things he did:
- Took a picture of me on Snapchat with a filter that makes it appear as if the person is naked, but with the skin-colored square censorship (without consent).
- Cornered me in his car on a forest road alone at nighttime and forced me to come out to him.
- Kept confessing to me over and over again even if I’ve made it known several times it makes me uncomfortable and he knows I literally cannot be attracted to him.
- Made a list of behaviors I’ve exhibited (e.g., moved away when he touched my arm) along with dates of when that happened and used that to diagnose me with childhood trauma.
And that’s a non-exhaustive list, but what’s coming into my head first. This started when I was 19 and him 22, and we had very few contacts prior so this came completely out of the blue.
RELATED:
He’s started following several blogs I regularly reblog from, some about things I know for a fact he’s not interested in, and that includes some of my mutuals
Image credits: Tracy Le Blanc (not the actual photo)
This goes in line with him pretending to know and be a fan of some things I like and just altering his whole personality, mannerisms, and speech patterns to resemble me and attract me or something along those lines, I guess??? I am not blowing the imitation thing out of proportion, as some of my friends have noticed it too.
I am not in any physical danger, but I’m really uncomfortable with this whole situation, and Tumblr is my safe place
Image credits: Vasilis Caravitis (not the actual photo)
I cannot block him for several reasons nor get further from him IRL, but I want him to have as little access as possible to my blog so as to keep that one safe place.
I don’t intend to do a call-out post or whatever, just to send a DM to my mutuals along the lines of “Hey! [Blog’s name] has done some things that make me uncomfortable with them having access to my blog. Would you mind soft-blocking them so they don’t follow you anymore? It’s okay if you don’t want to, no pressure :)” but I also know that Tumblr can be quick to harassment campaigns and bullying, and things can get easily out of hand there with some anonymous asks being really fond of suicide baiting and insults.
He doesn’t have anon asks turned on, so even if that were to get out, he probably wouldn’t have to deal with that
Image credits: Glenn Carstens-Peters (not the actual photo)
I trust that the mutuals I plan to contact wouldn’t do any call-out post or public mention of the whole thing, but I still worry about it in case anything were to happen. It doesn’t help that the guy has no self-preservation instinct and used his real first name and part of his last name in his URL on the doxx-you-because-you-have-trash-MLP-headcanons site.
I feel like this could be kind of a jerk move because it’s bringing what’s basically a private conflict to other people who have nothing to do with it, but I’m really at the end of my rope at this point. This has been going on for 8+ months. WIBTA if I did it?
Moderator’s note:
Please note that the images included in this article are for illustrative purposes only and do not represent the actual individuals or items discussed in the story.
If you have a comparable experience or story you’d like to tell, we welcome your submissions. Click here to share your story with Bored Panda.
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What do you think ?
JB 1 year ago (edited)
I’m mid-50’s so, perhaps, I don’t understand the nuances here. I can’t see a reason why you feel you can’t block this person from your tumblr but it’s ok/appropriate to ask others to block him from theirs. Is he going to complain to your family? So what? Do you not believe your family would be supportive? Simply put, he’s developed an obsession where he’s ignoring your sexual orientation, inventing a fantasy where he can alter himself and you so that you end up in a relationship with him. He’s stalking you but that’s not enough for you to report harassment via the tumblr reporting system? FFS! He used a filter on one of your pictures, without your consent, to sexualize you. He literally cornered you alone, forced you to come out but he’s STILL pursuing you by dismissing your orientation as “childhood trauma”. I don’t want to be harsh but I’m going to be because I’m not sure you will hear anything else. YOU have a responsibility to protect yourself. Don’t push it off to others with feeble excuses for why you aren’t willing to block and report him. Tell your family what is going on, how can they help protect you if they don’t know? You’re almost at a point where you could file a police report for harassment, are you going to hold your silence and wait for him to actually assault you before you, personally, take preventative measures? Tumblr may end up not being your safe space, frankly, it doesn’t seem like a safe place for you now. Maybe he’ll escalate, embroil others in the turmoil… again, so what? Are you honestly willing to jeopardize your mental, emotional and (potentially) physical health on not rocking the boat? Yes, get your mutuals to block him too. Shut him down on every single possible point of access, block him on your phone, emails, social media… EVERYTHING. If he tries to escalate, make it clear you will take legal action. And, yes, as has been said by others, make sure you are never alone with him.
Jesha 1 year ago
This is some straight up wisdom. It's a scary process, and you may or may not be taken seriously, but create a paper trail. It'll help you peace of mind. Until then, yeah, block. I think that blocks you from having to see his posts, too. If he's getting weird with someone else, though, then talk to them in private.
Load More Replies...
Vinnie 1 year ago (edited)
Please document what has been happening, both online and in real life. Consult the police or a lawyer on what you can and can't do (keep in mind that cops vary and some may be dismissive, others more sympathetic). Better to have a solid case if you ever need a restraining order.
Anna Ekberg 1 year ago
She said and i quote: "i am not i any physical danger" but i think she might be. This guy is stalking her, he knows her IRL, kmows were she lives, knows how she looks, does not respect boundries and does not take no for an answer. This could end really bad.
Orysha 1 year ago
You are ALREADY in danger! Think about what he could have done to you. Everything he does is harassment. Stop protecting him and let him reap what he sowed! I really don't care if he has no self preservation instinct Block this creep everywhere on the Internet and move away from him IRL as soon as you can! Yeaah I know you said you couldn't . NTA at all., HE IS THE A*****E ALL THE WAY! Sorry for screaming but I'm really worried about your safety. Since you mentioned in your bio you are French, I assume you live in France , Jesha &JB already said almost everything but it is never harmful to repeat document every occurrence of this creep's behaviour, ask for a restraining order NOW (injonction d'éloignement), I think you have more than enough to file a complaint for harassment. I really don't like the police but this is a case I do think they NEED to be involved in. Please take care of yourself and keep us updated.
Cam 1 year ago
I do think it would be escalating it. A regular Block on tumblr should prevent the guy from following you, search your posts, or seeing your posts on their dashboard: so it shouldn't be necessary to have others do it. As a plan B, and I know this sucks if you've built a following on your main blog, would be to create a second blog. That way, any activity would still appear as 'mainacc liked this', without divulging the side blog you actively use.
Libstak 1 year ago
He blocked you on a forest road at night...but you don't feel in any danger? I mean, nobody expects the people they think they know to hurt them but 9x out of 10 it is someone known to a victim that commits the worst crimes. I don't want to scare you but I would tread carefully, NTA for wanting to block him but your fear this could trigger something also makes sense. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer is the adage. You need to be watchful and aware and make any escalation well known to the family to get real help dealing with him.
catastrophegirl 1 year ago
please do not delude yourself, you ARE in physical danger from this person. their actions so far make it clear that they know they can intimidate you, their obsession includes your body. anyone close to you IRL who knows them also needs to know that they make you feel unsafe. as a person who had to move 9 times in 2 years because my friends and family kept telling my "such a nice guy" stalker where i lived, do not pull your punches. do not be in a car or a room alone with him. make a scene if you have to. make sure anyone with access to your physical space knows not to let him into it. i once woke up to my stalker asleep on the sofa because my roommate found him asleep on the doorstep and invited him in. then she went back to bed and i know i am incredibly lucky that he didn't take advantage of both of us being asleep. the fact that he's made a list of your behaviors and addressed them with you is especially unsettling because it's evident that he wants to use that to manipulate you.
JB 1 year ago (edited)
I’m mid-50’s so, perhaps, I don’t understand the nuances here. I can’t see a reason why you feel you can’t block this person from your tumblr but it’s ok/appropriate to ask others to block him from theirs. Is he going to complain to your family? So what? Do you not believe your family would be supportive? Simply put, he’s developed an obsession where he’s ignoring your sexual orientation, inventing a fantasy where he can alter himself and you so that you end up in a relationship with him. He’s stalking you but that’s not enough for you to report harassment via the tumblr reporting system? FFS! He used a filter on one of your pictures, without your consent, to sexualize you. He literally cornered you alone, forced you to come out but he’s STILL pursuing you by dismissing your orientation as “childhood trauma”. I don’t want to be harsh but I’m going to be because I’m not sure you will hear anything else. YOU have a responsibility to protect yourself. Don’t push it off to others with feeble excuses for why you aren’t willing to block and report him. Tell your family what is going on, how can they help protect you if they don’t know? You’re almost at a point where you could file a police report for harassment, are you going to hold your silence and wait for him to actually assault you before you, personally, take preventative measures? Tumblr may end up not being your safe space, frankly, it doesn’t seem like a safe place for you now. Maybe he’ll escalate, embroil others in the turmoil… again, so what? Are you honestly willing to jeopardize your mental, emotional and (potentially) physical health on not rocking the boat? Yes, get your mutuals to block him too. Shut him down on every single possible point of access, block him on your phone, emails, social media… EVERYTHING. If he tries to escalate, make it clear you will take legal action. And, yes, as has been said by others, make sure you are never alone with him.
Jesha 1 year ago
This is some straight up wisdom. It's a scary process, and you may or may not be taken seriously, but create a paper trail. It'll help you peace of mind. Until then, yeah, block. I think that blocks you from having to see his posts, too. If he's getting weird with someone else, though, then talk to them in private.
Load More Replies... Vinnie 1 year ago (edited)
Please document what has been happening, both online and in real life. Consult the police or a lawyer on what you can and can't do (keep in mind that cops vary and some may be dismissive, others more sympathetic). Better to have a solid case if you ever need a restraining order.
Anna Ekberg 1 year ago
She said and i quote: "i am not i any physical danger" but i think she might be. This guy is stalking her, he knows her IRL, kmows were she lives, knows how she looks, does not respect boundries and does not take no for an answer. This could end really bad.
Orysha 1 year ago
You are ALREADY in danger! Think about what he could have done to you. Everything he does is harassment. Stop protecting him and let him reap what he sowed! I really don't care if he has no self preservation instinct Block this creep everywhere on the Internet and move away from him IRL as soon as you can! Yeaah I know you said you couldn't . NTA at all., HE IS THE A*****E ALL THE WAY! Sorry for screaming but I'm really worried about your safety. Since you mentioned in your bio you are French, I assume you live in France , Jesha &JB already said almost everything but it is never harmful to repeat document every occurrence of this creep's behaviour, ask for a restraining order NOW (injonction d'éloignement), I think you have more than enough to file a complaint for harassment. I really don't like the police but this is a case I do think they NEED to be involved in. Please take care of yourself and keep us updated.
Cam 1 year ago
I do think it would be escalating it. A regular Block on tumblr should prevent the guy from following you, search your posts, or seeing your posts on their dashboard: so it shouldn't be necessary to have others do it. As a plan B, and I know this sucks if you've built a following on your main blog, would be to create a second blog. That way, any activity would still appear as 'mainacc liked this', without divulging the side blog you actively use.
Libstak 1 year ago
He blocked you on a forest road at night...but you don't feel in any danger? I mean, nobody expects the people they think they know to hurt them but 9x out of 10 it is someone known to a victim that commits the worst crimes. I don't want to scare you but I would tread carefully, NTA for wanting to block him but your fear this could trigger something also makes sense. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer is the adage. You need to be watchful and aware and make any escalation well known to the family to get real help dealing with him.
catastrophegirl 1 year ago
please do not delude yourself, you ARE in physical danger from this person. their actions so far make it clear that they know they can intimidate you, their obsession includes your body. anyone close to you IRL who knows them also needs to know that they make you feel unsafe. as a person who had to move 9 times in 2 years because my friends and family kept telling my "such a nice guy" stalker where i lived, do not pull your punches. do not be in a car or a room alone with him. make a scene if you have to. make sure anyone with access to your physical space knows not to let him into it. i once woke up to my stalker asleep on the sofa because my roommate found him asleep on the doorstep and invited him in. then she went back to bed and i know i am incredibly lucky that he didn't take advantage of both of us being asleep. the fact that he's made a list of your behaviors and addressed them with you is especially unsettling because it's evident that he wants to use that to manipulate you.
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