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Hey Pandas, AITA For Getting Frustrated By My Friend’s Remarks About My Exercise?
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Moderator’s note
If you find yourself disagreeing with this person’s actions, we encourage you not to downvote the post. Instead, kindly express your opinions in the comments. We recommend maintaining politeness and articulating your thoughts with well-constructed arguments.
So here’s the thing: I’ve been on this fitness journey for a bit, and I’m feeling pretty good about it. I’m not aiming for a six-pack or anything crazy—just getting stronger and healthier. I’ve been doing a mix of weightlifting and cardio, and I’ve found a routine that works for me. I’m seeing results, I have more energy, and honestly, I’m proud of myself.
I mostly work out at home because it’s just easier with my schedule, and I’ve invested in some basic home workout equipment to get the job done.
Nothing too fancy, but it works.
Here’s where the drama starts. A few days ago, I was hanging out with one of my old friends, and we were talking about fitness and health
Image credits: Toa Heftiba (not the actual photo)
This friend has been into fitness for years, but they’re the type who’s always talking about extreme workouts and strict meal plans. They’re really into the whole “no pain, no gain” mentality, and they tend to push that onto everyone around them.
So, I told them about my routine, and they immediately started critiquing it
Image credits: ELIAS VICARIO (not the actual photo)
They told me I wasn’t lifting enough and that my cardio wasn’t intense enough. They even said I should “quit slacking” and do more “real” workouts like CrossFit or HIIT. I know they were just trying to be helpful, but it felt like they were shaming me for not following the same path they do.
At first, I tried to brush it off, but it started to get under my skin. I’ve worked hard to find a routine I enjoy and that fits into my life, and hearing that I wasn’t doing it “right” was frustrating. So I snapped and told them I was happy with my routine and didn’t need them to tell me how to work out.
Now they’re mad at me, saying I was being defensive and that they were just offering advice
Image credits: LOGAN WEAVER | @LGNWVR (not the actual photo)
But I feel like they went too far by making me feel bad about my fitness choices.
So, AITA? Or should I have just sucked it up?
Expert’s Advice
Your fitness journey is personal and should align with your goals, values, and lifestyle. It’s okay to set boundaries with friends, even if their intentions are good. You expressed your feelings honestly, which is healthy. If you want to mend things, you can acknowledge their passion for fitness while reaffirming that your approach works for you. Relationships thrive when there’s mutual respect for individual choices.
Moderator’s note
Please note that the images included in this article are for illustrative purposes only and do not represent the actual individuals or items discussed in the story.
If you have a comparable experience or story you’d like to tell, we welcome your submissions. Click here to share your story with Bored Panda.
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What do you think ?
Joey Jo Jo Shabadoo 1 day ago (edited)
Did you ask for advice? It doesnt sound like you did. I would respond, "I didnt ask for advice. And even if I had, telling me Im slacking and not doing real workouts is not advice, its judgement."
Janelle Collard 1 day ago
Unless you're my *personal trainer,* I will listen to your comments + continue as I see fit. If you decide to berate me, I will be having less to do with you.
Cpt. Christan "Panda Bombero" 18 hours ago
NTA. Are they a certified Fitness Trainer/Instructor? Are they a professional sports coach or athlete? And if so, when discussing your workout/exercise routine, did you actually ask for their advice or guidance? Because unless someone specifically asks for my advice, in my fields of expertise and study, then I try to avoid offering any. As a recently retired firefighter/emt, 21yrs taught me to stay in my lane.
DrBronxx 23 hours ago
Is OP healthy? Are their BP, cholesterol, HR etc. all in the healthy range? Are they their correct weight? If the answer to all of those questions is "yes", then their friend has absolutely no business *commanding* advice. Also, did OP ask for advice? If the answer is "no", STFU.
Vinnie 1 day ago
I would be annoyed, too, if someone called me a slacker just because I used an approach that suits me. One approach I've used for useless but brief advice: "Thank you, I will certainly give it thought" or just "Okay" and ignore it. If someone goes on and on, say: "Excuse me, I'll be right back" and pretend you're heading to the bathroom, then return and hope they lost their train of thought. Otherwise, return with a totally different topic, such as, "Oh my goodness, I just saw this HUUUUUGE spider on the ceiling" -- all the better if the buttinsky is afraid of spiders.
Vinnie 1 day ago (edited)
The expert's advice could work too, but the other person also has to back down. "You're defensive" isn't a constructive way to handle interpersonal conflict. If he keeps insisting you do things his way, you could say, "You might not understand why I exercise in a way that suits me, but you still have to respect it."
Load More Replies...
Lene 19 hours ago
The friend should just be supportive. And also, if you are not aiming for big musles, then it is totally fine with less weight and, perhaps, more reps. I personally don't function at all in gyms but have had a lot of success with losing weight just by riding a bike on a nearly daily basis. Working out does not require a gym or doing extreme things in order to work. And I think that OP has realised this whereas the friend is still lost in the 1990s where going to the gym was the no. 1 thing to do if you wanted to be healthy. I think that nowadays there's a lot of focus on enjoying the workouts and having your mind with you instead of working against it.
Fellfromthemoon 10 hours ago
What qualifications does your friend have? To plan (professionally) a fittness routine and meals, one should always consider the overall body type and the state of the subject, and tailor the plan to their actual goals (as long as it's something realistic.) You are correct when you defend your routin against their criticism; however, the most simple answer would be (at this point) an agreement. Yes, you're right. I'm lazy, slacking off and inefficient. So what? No, I won't change, because you like it this way. So what? I mean, earlier I had no fittness routin, and you kept your trap shut. Now I started to work out, you immediately strat criticizing me? Are you jelaous that I may be better than you? Or you want a training partner equally zelaous and obsessed as you are?
Becky Samuel 12 hours ago
People who base their entire lifestyle around health and fitness are doing it to self-medicate and mask the true issues in their lives (yes, yes, not all, but a substantial proportion and you know it's true). When other people don't value this obsession that they're so reliant on it causes unpleasant feelings that they cannot handle, so they try to make those feelings go away and force or manipulate the other person.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 14 hours ago
This is the crux of what destroyed the love and intimacy in my relationship with my boyfriend of 23 years. He was much more into fitness, calorie counting, workout routines, muscle groups, micronutrients etc. and I just didn't want to do any of it. He kept trying to force me into it and criticized the things I *wanted* to do for exercise (walking, jogging, swimming.) It destroyed whatever was left of our relationship. Absolutely NO ONE has the right to criticize someone else's workout routine/fitness journey unless that person asks for help or is in danger of harming themselves with their routine.
Lee Gilliland 20 hours ago
This is a problem of male female communication. When a woman asks a question like this, another woman responds with sympathy, and a guy responds with advice. It's simply the way the different minds work.
Fellfromthemoon 10 hours ago
Not really, but let's entertain this train of thought. A man will inevitably offer an advice if we tell him anything. So, we'll let him know that we're not interested in his advice. At which repetition of "no, thank you" are we allowed to give our counter-advice (along the lines of shut up or change topic)?
Load More Replies...
Steve Sharpe 22 hours ago
Kris, my internet just had a temper tantrum and swallowed the rest of my very long post :'(( Listen, I'm a bit typed out at the moment but if you happen to see this let me know and I'll carry on, ok? You exercise for you, not for or to compare yourself with other people, ok? You've got this.
Load More Replies... Joey Jo Jo Shabadoo 1 day ago (edited)
Did you ask for advice? It doesnt sound like you did. I would respond, "I didnt ask for advice. And even if I had, telling me Im slacking and not doing real workouts is not advice, its judgement."
Janelle Collard 1 day ago
Unless you're my *personal trainer,* I will listen to your comments + continue as I see fit. If you decide to berate me, I will be having less to do with you.
Cpt. Christan "Panda Bombero" 18 hours ago
NTA. Are they a certified Fitness Trainer/Instructor? Are they a professional sports coach or athlete? And if so, when discussing your workout/exercise routine, did you actually ask for their advice or guidance? Because unless someone specifically asks for my advice, in my fields of expertise and study, then I try to avoid offering any. As a recently retired firefighter/emt, 21yrs taught me to stay in my lane.
DrBronxx 23 hours ago
Is OP healthy? Are their BP, cholesterol, HR etc. all in the healthy range? Are they their correct weight? If the answer to all of those questions is "yes", then their friend has absolutely no business *commanding* advice. Also, did OP ask for advice? If the answer is "no", STFU.
Vinnie 1 day ago
I would be annoyed, too, if someone called me a slacker just because I used an approach that suits me. One approach I've used for useless but brief advice: "Thank you, I will certainly give it thought" or just "Okay" and ignore it. If someone goes on and on, say: "Excuse me, I'll be right back" and pretend you're heading to the bathroom, then return and hope they lost their train of thought. Otherwise, return with a totally different topic, such as, "Oh my goodness, I just saw this HUUUUUGE spider on the ceiling" -- all the better if the buttinsky is afraid of spiders.
Vinnie 1 day ago (edited)
The expert's advice could work too, but the other person also has to back down. "You're defensive" isn't a constructive way to handle interpersonal conflict. If he keeps insisting you do things his way, you could say, "You might not understand why I exercise in a way that suits me, but you still have to respect it."
Load More Replies... Lene 19 hours ago
The friend should just be supportive. And also, if you are not aiming for big musles, then it is totally fine with less weight and, perhaps, more reps. I personally don't function at all in gyms but have had a lot of success with losing weight just by riding a bike on a nearly daily basis. Working out does not require a gym or doing extreme things in order to work. And I think that OP has realised this whereas the friend is still lost in the 1990s where going to the gym was the no. 1 thing to do if you wanted to be healthy. I think that nowadays there's a lot of focus on enjoying the workouts and having your mind with you instead of working against it.
Fellfromthemoon 10 hours ago
What qualifications does your friend have? To plan (professionally) a fittness routine and meals, one should always consider the overall body type and the state of the subject, and tailor the plan to their actual goals (as long as it's something realistic.) You are correct when you defend your routin against their criticism; however, the most simple answer would be (at this point) an agreement. Yes, you're right. I'm lazy, slacking off and inefficient. So what? No, I won't change, because you like it this way. So what? I mean, earlier I had no fittness routin, and you kept your trap shut. Now I started to work out, you immediately strat criticizing me? Are you jelaous that I may be better than you? Or you want a training partner equally zelaous and obsessed as you are?
Becky Samuel 12 hours ago
People who base their entire lifestyle around health and fitness are doing it to self-medicate and mask the true issues in their lives (yes, yes, not all, but a substantial proportion and you know it's true). When other people don't value this obsession that they're so reliant on it causes unpleasant feelings that they cannot handle, so they try to make those feelings go away and force or manipulate the other person.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 14 hours ago
This is the crux of what destroyed the love and intimacy in my relationship with my boyfriend of 23 years. He was much more into fitness, calorie counting, workout routines, muscle groups, micronutrients etc. and I just didn't want to do any of it. He kept trying to force me into it and criticized the things I *wanted* to do for exercise (walking, jogging, swimming.) It destroyed whatever was left of our relationship. Absolutely NO ONE has the right to criticize someone else's workout routine/fitness journey unless that person asks for help or is in danger of harming themselves with their routine.
Lee Gilliland 20 hours ago
This is a problem of male female communication. When a woman asks a question like this, another woman responds with sympathy, and a guy responds with advice. It's simply the way the different minds work.
Fellfromthemoon 10 hours ago
Not really, but let's entertain this train of thought. A man will inevitably offer an advice if we tell him anything. So, we'll let him know that we're not interested in his advice. At which repetition of "no, thank you" are we allowed to give our counter-advice (along the lines of shut up or change topic)?
Load More Replies... Steve Sharpe 22 hours ago
Kris, my internet just had a temper tantrum and swallowed the rest of my very long post :'(( Listen, I'm a bit typed out at the moment but if you happen to see this let me know and I'll carry on, ok? You exercise for you, not for or to compare yourself with other people, ok? You've got this.
Load More Replies...
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