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Hey Panda, AITA For Wanting To Divorce My Wife Given Our Intimacy Problems?
Moderator’s note:
If you find yourself disagreeing with this person’s actions, we encourage you not to downvote the post. Instead, kindly express your opinions in the comments. We recommend maintaining politeness and articulating your thoughts with well-constructed arguments.
I (M49) have been with my wife (56) for almost 20 years now. We have one daughter (20) who is currently in college and still living with us.
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Over the past few years, especially after she went through the “change” we have been slowly drifting apart
Image credits: Alex Green (not the actual photo)
We no longer sleep in the same room because she says that I become erratic with my dreams and move too much. That’s fine.
We have not been intimate for over 10 years now
Image credits: Ron Lach (not the actual photo)
I try to initiate things but she just says not to touch her. Even if I sit by her, she gets up and moves. I have always been a hopeful romantic. I no longer have the friend I once had.
She’s not interested in counseling and I have brought up the D word during an argument but it seemed to really upset her
Image credits: Kelly Sikkema (not the actual photo)
We have not talked about it since. The reason I’m still here is because if I were to leave I don’t know how she would be able to support herself because she only has a part-time job. I’m just trying to hang on until my daughter finishes college, which will be in a few months. My SO keeps threatening to move out every time we argue but she never does. I tell her if she’s not happy here to stay with one of her friends. If she told me she had a BF it wouldn’t even bother me. I just want her to be happy and enjoy her life, but I want the same too. So, my question is AITA for wanting out of this relationship?
Moderator’s note:
Please note that the images included in this article are for illustrative purposes only and do not represent the actual individuals or items discussed in the story.
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What do you think ?
Ima Manimal 8 months ago
In a divorce, this is called “alienation of affection.” If she is refusing counseling or therapy, I would go ahead and proceed with divorce. She is basically just using you for financial stability but offering absolutely nothing to the relationship or the marriage. 10 years is a long time to be patient and tolerant. But enough is enough. You COULD be in a wonderful, blissful relationship. Not too late.
Captain McSmoot 8 months ago
You worded what I wanted to say so much better :) You are completely correct. If he lives to be 80, he's wasted 1/8th of his life that he'll NEVER get back!
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Donald 8 months ago
She won't even sit next to OP and won't let him touch her, he should have been out of there years ago. All he is doing is financially supporting someone who doesn't want to be around him. She only has a part time job? At the age of 56? Boo-hoo. She is an adult, she can support herself and take her emotional abuse elsewhere.
lenka 8 months ago (edited)
You would NOT be the AH. I would like to point out that it's called Menopause, not the “change”. It's not some kind of secret disease. Your use of the language makes me wonder if you are aware of the physical affects of menopause and peri-menopause (the period leading up to menopause) and how drastically and sometimes devastatingly it can affect women's sexual function? Low libido, pain and vaginal dryness are common side effects of menopause and require some patience and creativity on the part of their partners to stimulate and encourage a healthy sex life. If your wife really wont engage in counselling then you are probably ten years too late and the marriage may very well be over. If you decide to take one last stab at it, start by researching menopause, its physical and emotional impact on women, and then using the appropriate language when you raise it with your wife. All that aside, you deserve to be loved and to have your needs met. You would not be an AH for leaving.
Ima Manimal 8 months ago
In a divorce, this is called “alienation of affection.” If she is refusing counseling or therapy, I would go ahead and proceed with divorce. She is basically just using you for financial stability but offering absolutely nothing to the relationship or the marriage. 10 years is a long time to be patient and tolerant. But enough is enough. You COULD be in a wonderful, blissful relationship. Not too late.
Captain McSmoot 8 months ago
You worded what I wanted to say so much better :) You are completely correct. If he lives to be 80, he's wasted 1/8th of his life that he'll NEVER get back!
Load More Replies... Donald 8 months ago
She won't even sit next to OP and won't let him touch her, he should have been out of there years ago. All he is doing is financially supporting someone who doesn't want to be around him. She only has a part time job? At the age of 56? Boo-hoo. She is an adult, she can support herself and take her emotional abuse elsewhere.
lenka 8 months ago (edited)
You would NOT be the AH. I would like to point out that it's called Menopause, not the “change”. It's not some kind of secret disease. Your use of the language makes me wonder if you are aware of the physical affects of menopause and peri-menopause (the period leading up to menopause) and how drastically and sometimes devastatingly it can affect women's sexual function? Low libido, pain and vaginal dryness are common side effects of menopause and require some patience and creativity on the part of their partners to stimulate and encourage a healthy sex life. If your wife really wont engage in counselling then you are probably ten years too late and the marriage may very well be over. If you decide to take one last stab at it, start by researching menopause, its physical and emotional impact on women, and then using the appropriate language when you raise it with your wife. All that aside, you deserve to be loved and to have your needs met. You would not be an AH for leaving.
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