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Hey Pandas, What Should I Do About My Father’s Threatening Behavior?
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Hey Pandas, What Should I Do About My Father’s Threatening Behavior?

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Let’s start with our relationship. He chose his music career (he thinks he can sing; he can’t) over me and my brother. He never paid child support. He would just show up at our house, and we were supposed to be happy that he was there. When he was there, he was very mean and didn’t seem to want to be there.

Our relationship while growing up consisted of family fights (on his side), and mental and physical abuse. He would send birthday and Christmas presents, but it was mainly my step-mom who sent them. There are a lot of mental health issues on his side of the family, and I’m pretty sure he is bipolar.

Start of the issue:

I got married in 2020 and was on decent terms with my father. He walked me down the aisle, etc. Afterwards, I had to get my birth certificate to change my name. When I got it months later, I noticed only my mother was on it. I mentioned it in a random phone conversation with my father that he was not on it. He was slightly upset by this but never mentioned it again.

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    I went no contact (NC) with my dad in the summer of 2023 because I was just done with arguing

    Image credits: Kyle Broad (not the actual photo)

    Then in March 2024, my mother received papers from my father. These papers indicated that she would need to sign to add my father to my birth certificate

    Image credits: Lewis Keegan (not the actual photo)

    My mom called me to see what I wanted to do. I told her not to sign them. It’s too late for me. She didn’t sign them and continued her life as normal.

    July 2024: She called me at work early one morning. She said she had just received a threatening phone call from my father about the papers. I texted him about it.

    He said they are state documents and she has to sign them. I will quote him: “I’ll let their office know she doesn’t want to fill out or return them, and see what happens.”

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    I called vital records, and she is under no obligation to return or sign them.

    I had lunch with my mother a couple of days ago and listened to the voicemail. It was threatening, and I took a video of it

    Image credits: freestocks (not the actual photo)

    She also shed some light on why he was not on my birth certificate to begin with. Apparently, after I was born, he looked at me, then looked at my mom, and said, “Um, do you want to tell me something?” implying that I was not his. She said she never wanted to tell me because it broke her heart that he even said it to her.

    I think he is doing this out of spite because, to me, there is no reason for him to be added to my birth certificate. My husband will handle anything medical. If you’re thinking inheritance, think again. He lives off my step-mom and disability. Plus, he has not tried to do this with my brother.

    His mother has taken his side, and I’ve gone NC with her, but everyone else is wondering why he is doing this.

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    Am I overreacting? Could he be doing this for another reason? I just need someone else’s opinion.

    Moderator’s note:

    Please note that the images included in this article are for illustrative purposes only and do not represent the actual individuals or items discussed in the story.

    If you have a comparable experience or story you’d like to tell, we welcome your submissions. Click here to share your story with Bored Panda.

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    dandylilah

    dandylilah

    Author, Community member

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    Decent humanoid. Living on this rock with everyone else.

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    dandylilah

    dandylilah

    Author, Community member

    Decent humanoid. Living on this rock with everyone else.

    Gabrielė Malukaitė

    Gabrielė Malukaitė

    Moderator, BoredPanda staff

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    Hi there! I'm Gabrielė, but you can also catch me responding to Gab, Gabi, Gabert, or Gabe – take your pick. Professionally, I'm the senior community manager over at Bored Panda, helping people share their awesome work and connecting artists with a worldwide audience. Beyond work, you'll catch me traveling, listening to vinyl and diving into movies, art exhibitions, and concerts. I'm a culture buff at heart, always eager to explore and embrace the richness of the human experience.

    Read less »

    Gabrielė Malukaitė

    Gabrielė Malukaitė

    Moderator, BoredPanda staff

    Hi there! I'm Gabrielė, but you can also catch me responding to Gab, Gabi, Gabert, or Gabe – take your pick. Professionally, I'm the senior community manager over at Bored Panda, helping people share their awesome work and connecting artists with a worldwide audience. Beyond work, you'll catch me traveling, listening to vinyl and diving into movies, art exhibitions, and concerts. I'm a culture buff at heart, always eager to explore and embrace the richness of the human experience.

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    Libstak
    Community Member
    4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Unless he is on the hook for child support for all the years he never paid it there is no conceivable reason he deserves to now be on the birth certificate. He is trying to be next of kin for his own selfish reasons at this late stage.

    Dd P
    Community Member
    4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yes, he seems to be trying to establish a basis for something dark and evil against her.

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    TribbleThinking
    Community Member
    4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I am thinking inheritance. But from OP to dad, not the other way round. And claiming what a daughter owes her poor old dad. Chancing scroungers know that it's a good idea to maximise opportunities and connections whenever possible. I'm guessing that OP is more successful than her brother. Or maybe the brother's next after this.

    Robert Trebor
    Community Member
    5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If he is added to OP's BC, then he is next-of-kin. Depending on the law where OP lives, this gives him some rights. Advice: You don't need this. go NC. Get a restraining order if need be. He has never been your father, because he was never there for you..

    morgansher
    Community Member
    4 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    No. She is married now and has been for four years. Upon marriage, her husband legally became next of kin regardless of whether her sperm donor is added to the birth certificate or not.

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    Libstak
    Community Member
    4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Unless he is on the hook for child support for all the years he never paid it there is no conceivable reason he deserves to now be on the birth certificate. He is trying to be next of kin for his own selfish reasons at this late stage.

    Dd P
    Community Member
    4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yes, he seems to be trying to establish a basis for something dark and evil against her.

    Load More Replies...
    TribbleThinking
    Community Member
    4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I am thinking inheritance. But from OP to dad, not the other way round. And claiming what a daughter owes her poor old dad. Chancing scroungers know that it's a good idea to maximise opportunities and connections whenever possible. I'm guessing that OP is more successful than her brother. Or maybe the brother's next after this.

    Robert Trebor
    Community Member
    5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If he is added to OP's BC, then he is next-of-kin. Depending on the law where OP lives, this gives him some rights. Advice: You don't need this. go NC. Get a restraining order if need be. He has never been your father, because he was never there for you..

    morgansher
    Community Member
    4 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    No. She is married now and has been for four years. Upon marriage, her husband legally became next of kin regardless of whether her sperm donor is added to the birth certificate or not.

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