Hey Pandas, What Should I Do About My Father’s Threatening Behavior?
Moderator’s note:
If you find yourself disagreeing with this person’s actions, we encourage you not to downvote the post. Instead, kindly express your opinions in the comments. We recommend maintaining politeness and articulating your thoughts with well-constructed arguments.
Let’s start with our relationship. He chose his music career (he thinks he can sing; he can’t) over me and my brother. He never paid child support. He would just show up at our house, and we were supposed to be happy that he was there. When he was there, he was very mean and didn’t seem to want to be there.
Our relationship while growing up consisted of family fights (on his side), and mental and physical abuse. He would send birthday and Christmas presents, but it was mainly my step-mom who sent them. There are a lot of mental health issues on his side of the family, and I’m pretty sure he is bipolar.
Start of the issue:
I got married in 2020 and was on decent terms with my father. He walked me down the aisle, etc. Afterwards, I had to get my birth certificate to change my name. When I got it months later, I noticed only my mother was on it. I mentioned it in a random phone conversation with my father that he was not on it. He was slightly upset by this but never mentioned it again.
I went no contact (NC) with my dad in the summer of 2023 because I was just done with arguing
Image credits: Kyle Broad (not the actual photo)
Then in March 2024, my mother received papers from my father. These papers indicated that she would need to sign to add my father to my birth certificate
Image credits: Lewis Keegan (not the actual photo)
My mom called me to see what I wanted to do. I told her not to sign them. It’s too late for me. She didn’t sign them and continued her life as normal.
July 2024: She called me at work early one morning. She said she had just received a threatening phone call from my father about the papers. I texted him about it.
He said they are state documents and she has to sign them. I will quote him: “I’ll let their office know she doesn’t want to fill out or return them, and see what happens.”
I called vital records, and she is under no obligation to return or sign them.
I had lunch with my mother a couple of days ago and listened to the voicemail. It was threatening, and I took a video of it
Image credits: freestocks (not the actual photo)
She also shed some light on why he was not on my birth certificate to begin with. Apparently, after I was born, he looked at me, then looked at my mom, and said, “Um, do you want to tell me something?” implying that I was not his. She said she never wanted to tell me because it broke her heart that he even said it to her.
I think he is doing this out of spite because, to me, there is no reason for him to be added to my birth certificate. My husband will handle anything medical. If you’re thinking inheritance, think again. He lives off my step-mom and disability. Plus, he has not tried to do this with my brother.
His mother has taken his side, and I’ve gone NC with her, but everyone else is wondering why he is doing this.
Am I overreacting? Could he be doing this for another reason? I just need someone else’s opinion.
Moderator’s note:
Please note that the images included in this article are for illustrative purposes only and do not represent the actual individuals or items discussed in the story.
If you have a comparable experience or story you’d like to tell, we welcome your submissions. Click here to share your story with Bored Panda.
Poll Question
Thanks! Check out the results:
31Kviews
Share on FacebookUnless he is on the hook for child support for all the years he never paid it there is no conceivable reason he deserves to now be on the birth certificate. He is trying to be next of kin for his own selfish reasons at this late stage.
Yes, he seems to be trying to establish a basis for something dark and evil against her.
Load More Replies...I am thinking inheritance. But from OP to dad, not the other way round. And claiming what a daughter owes her poor old dad. Chancing scroungers know that it's a good idea to maximise opportunities and connections whenever possible. I'm guessing that OP is more successful than her brother. Or maybe the brother's next after this.
oh wow. I never thought about that.
Load More Replies...If he is added to OP's BC, then he is next-of-kin. Depending on the law where OP lives, this gives him some rights. Advice: You don't need this. go NC. Get a restraining order if need be. He has never been your father, because he was never there for you..
No. She is married now and has been for four years. Upon marriage, her husband legally became next of kin regardless of whether her sperm donor is added to the birth certificate or not.
Load More Replies...Unless he is on the hook for child support for all the years he never paid it there is no conceivable reason he deserves to now be on the birth certificate. He is trying to be next of kin for his own selfish reasons at this late stage.
Yes, he seems to be trying to establish a basis for something dark and evil against her.
Load More Replies...I am thinking inheritance. But from OP to dad, not the other way round. And claiming what a daughter owes her poor old dad. Chancing scroungers know that it's a good idea to maximise opportunities and connections whenever possible. I'm guessing that OP is more successful than her brother. Or maybe the brother's next after this.
oh wow. I never thought about that.
Load More Replies...If he is added to OP's BC, then he is next-of-kin. Depending on the law where OP lives, this gives him some rights. Advice: You don't need this. go NC. Get a restraining order if need be. He has never been your father, because he was never there for you..
No. She is married now and has been for four years. Upon marriage, her husband legally became next of kin regardless of whether her sperm donor is added to the birth certificate or not.
Load More Replies...
47
53