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Parents Wonder, “How Long Can I Continue To Do This?”, Decide Not To Buy Each Kid A Gift
Gifts are a part of the holidays, but as families change, so do their traditions. For Nikki and Marty Tomczak, this year marks a shift as they embrace a new approach to Christmas. Instead of buying something for all of their kids like they used to, the couple has decided to have a Secret Santa to make the season less of a hassle. However, the parents acknowledged that it felt a bit strange, so they asked moms and dads on the Internet to share how they handle presents.
More info: TikTok
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We associate Christmas with many things, but gifts are often at the center of our celebration
Image credits: Helena Lopes / pexels (not the actual photo)
But when you have multiple (adult) children, it can be challenging to strike a balance between material expectations and the true meaning of the holiday
Image credits: martyandnikki
“Nikki: Parents of adult children. At what age did you guys start slowing down on Christmas gifts for them?
Marty: Yeah, our kids are 29, 23, 22, and in the last several years, we’ve had a son-in-law, daughter-in-law, a couple grandbabies.
Nikki: So this year, we decided to do a Secret Santa for the first time. So we’re only going to be buying for the little kids, and then we’re only gonna be buying for one adult each, which means we’re not gonna be buying for all of our kids for the first time.”
Image credits: martyandnikki
“Marty: Oh, but we’ve been taking good care of them and the bonus kids this entire time.
Nikki: I’ll admit, we’ve been helping with some big things the last couple years. You know, weddings, houses, engagement parties, baby showers, hospital stays, nurseries. Yeah, we’ve been helping with some big things, but it still feels super weird to me not to be buying for each one of the kids. It makes me really happy to see them open 10 things each. I love to buy them things, but how long can I really continue to do this? You know?
Marty: Not for me, I say, f**k these kids. I don’t even know what the hell they’re getting anyway.
Nikki: He’s just kidding.
Marty: No, I’m not.”
Image credits: martyandnikki
For many families, Christmas presents become a burden even before their children reach adulthood
Image credits: JESHOOTS.com / pexels (not the actual photo)
A 2023 poll by Ipsos found that three-quarters (73%) of parents think that the expectations of how much to spend on children’s Christmas presents have gotten out of control, with a similar proportion (74%) saying that children should be happy with whatever they get.
However, more than half (54%) of parents still feel pressured to get their children the latest toys, gadgets, and clothes to commemorate the occasion.
That is probably because almost half (46%) of parents say they are concerned about their child(ren) being disappointed by the presents they give them, and 44% are concerned about their child(ren) comparing their gifts with those received by friends.
Six in ten (62%) parents are concerned about their ability to afford Christmas presents for their kids, and 40% say they buy at least one of their children’s presents on credit because they couldn’t afford them otherwise.
So hopefully by the time their kids are entering adulthood, families have already had open discussions about finances and expectations, helping children understand that the value of Christmas lies in spending quality time together and not just the gifts.
The couple’s video has since gone viral
@martyandnikki What’s everyone doing for their adult kids this Christmas? #martyandnikki #adultkids #adultkidschristmas #parenting #parentingquestion ♬ original sound – Marty & Nikki
And people are pretty much split on the tradition
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What do you think ?
arthbach 7 hours ago
I love the idea of not giving gifts, but playing games and winning them. It tickles me greatly. But I'd want to make sure the games were chosen so everyone has a reasonable change of winning something.
R Dennis 6 hours ago
My family does that, but I hate getting gifts. I don't want/need stuff. I try to opt out of getting anything. I would rather cook for everyone and not get a gift.
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KatSaidWhat 6 hours ago
I still grapple with the concept of going into debt because of a one day celebration of a fantasy figure.
Alex Bailey 4 hours ago
All originally pagan traditions long before celebrating the fantasty figure happened. Including; gift-giving, Christmas stockings, carolling, decking the halls with Holly, decorating evergreen trees. Definitely don't go into debt for it - but you can ignore the fantasy figure! I like the secret Santa idea to be honest. It can be hard if you have a large family otherwise and I'd rather give a great gift at their birthday and not make Christmas a stressful time trying to buy for all.
Load More Replies...
Crystal M 4 hours ago
We have three adult children and their spouses (no grandchildren yet). We each draw a name and purchase that person a nice gift. We also play a game for prizes and each person contributes one gift for that pot. It's fun and works well.
arthbach 7 hours ago
I love the idea of not giving gifts, but playing games and winning them. It tickles me greatly. But I'd want to make sure the games were chosen so everyone has a reasonable change of winning something.
R Dennis 6 hours ago
My family does that, but I hate getting gifts. I don't want/need stuff. I try to opt out of getting anything. I would rather cook for everyone and not get a gift.
Load More Replies... KatSaidWhat 6 hours ago
I still grapple with the concept of going into debt because of a one day celebration of a fantasy figure.
Alex Bailey 4 hours ago
All originally pagan traditions long before celebrating the fantasty figure happened. Including; gift-giving, Christmas stockings, carolling, decking the halls with Holly, decorating evergreen trees. Definitely don't go into debt for it - but you can ignore the fantasy figure! I like the secret Santa idea to be honest. It can be hard if you have a large family otherwise and I'd rather give a great gift at their birthday and not make Christmas a stressful time trying to buy for all.
Load More Replies... Crystal M 4 hours ago
We have three adult children and their spouses (no grandchildren yet). We each draw a name and purchase that person a nice gift. We also play a game for prizes and each person contributes one gift for that pot. It's fun and works well.
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