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30 Times People Received Marriage Advice That Sounded Absurd, But They Later Realized Was Spot-On
Oh… that sweet happily ever after! When you have butterflies in your stomach, and love is in the air as if you were living in a James Blunt music video. Well, actually, people who have lived a married life at some point in their lives, or still do, unanimously agree on the fact that this is not what marriage is about.
Unlike falling in love, living the married life takes teamwork, commitment and a lot of conforming. Maybe even more than you were willing to give when you were single. So hey, it’s hard, but it’s also worth it. This thread from the Ask Men subreddit shows exactly that.
“What random marriage advice sounded absurd but was actually spot-on helpful?” someone asked, sparking an illuminating thread about this challenging yet very rewarding game called life: marriage edition.
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#1
Dad said “Be kind even if you’re not feeling it. Maybe *especially* if you’re not feeling it.”
RELATED:
#2
Most of the time you spend together is going to be non-sexual, so the most important thing is to be best friends. Otherwise, it won't last.
Snowfoxrox 2 years ago
I love having a goofy fun time with my husband. He is my best friend and we have a lot of fun!! Highly recommend this!
#3
Marry him for who he is. Not his potential.
Snowfoxrox 2 years ago
This needs to be voted to the top!!! Don't ever stay with someone because of who think they *could* become...Stay with them because you adore who they are at that moment!!
#4
The point of arguing is not to win. It's to understand where they’re coming from and why this issue matters to them.
#5
It's totally OK to sleep in separate beds...or even separate rooms if that's what works for you. I am not going to be a good partner if I only get four hours of sleep because I was listening to him snore all night, or if jobs require different sleeping schedules and you take a while to get to sleep
Mad Dragon 2 years ago
My husband sleeps in the living room because he has a super-loud C-PAP machine. It blows air into my face every time he moves. He’s waiting for a replacement that is quieter, but in the meantime, I have to get some sleep!
#6
Be honest. Don't lie to your partner.
Juan Ghote 2 years ago
Never assume - Communicate. This means active listening to respect your partner. Married 30+ years. Both my partner and I come from horribly broken backgrounds.
#8
Have separate duvets or blankets on the same bed. I can wrap myself up nice and snug, and she can move around all night without bothering me.
#9
It's ok to go to bed angry.
We've always been told not to go to bed angry but sometimes a night of sleep can change your perspective and help with resolution.
#10
My grandfather told me " Never go to bed with dirty dishes in the sink" . What I learned is that he would always help my grandma and that is when they did their most talking
Random Anon 2 years ago
I live alone and I do that too. It makes making a decent breakfast a lot more appealing the next morning.
#11
On our wedding day, my father-in-law said, 'Always remember it's the two of you against the problem, not you two against one another.' It's been great advice, especially when we disagree. Focusing on this piece of advice has calmed a lot of arguments over the years.
#12
Looks fade, marry someone who you enjoy talking to. -grandma
I also feel strongly about this one.
Find someone who is ok with you both having separate hobbies. My wife does her thing and I have my hobby. We share some hobbies, but we are ok with spending time apart too. We don't have to always do them together. I couldn't imagine marrying a woman who needed to do every single thing I did just to be around me. She needs to have her own life and I love not forcing her into the nerdy stuff I enjoy.
#13
'Don’t worry about what other people think is 'normal.' I’ve been married for almost 20 years, and this piece of insight has made all the difference. You don't need to conform to society’s standards. Do what works for you and your partner in a marriage.
Juan Ghote 2 years ago
Ever notice how many people are willing to say "others" are "weird/crazy/abnormal" yet believe they're "normal" - Meanwhile the "others" are doing the reverse... We're all likely crazy, though it's not a competition :-P
#14
'Never ask your partner to make a sacrifice for you that you wouldn’t make for them if the roles were reversed.
April Stephens 2 years ago
This is beautiful advice. It reminds me of someone I knew once, a Catholic priest. One of his parishioners asked him to put the word out to the whole parish that she needed a kidney transplant. He ended up giving her his own kidney! I asked him why he did it, and he said he wasn't willing to ask his parishioners to do something that he wouldn't do himself!
#15
When our kid was about to be born, someone told me to change the first diaper. "If you can handle the first one, the others will be easy." So I did. I didn't know what I was doing, so I asked the nurse at the hospital to teach me, and I changed the first several few diapers while my wife recovered from a difficult labor.
The advice was correct, no other diaper was as disgusting as the first one. It got very easy and I never minded doing it, and my wife was really really grateful. And I loved that I could take on some of the parenting chores, since there was so much that she was the only one... equipped to provide.
Tigerpacingthecage 2 years ago
Yes. Divide parenting as equal as possible early on. Otherwise you WILL resent your non-birthing partner. Yes, as a mom you will probably take maternity leave first and probably for a longer time. If you are breastfeeding you will probably take most nights and spend a lot of time with them as babies, but that doesn't mean dads/non-birthing partners should be excluded. They can still bond with baby in a carrier, change most diapers, fix food (so you can do all that nursing), do baby/child clothes shopping and research for the best car seat ETC. And take some paternity leave alone with baby (PLEASE do that). When one parent is on parental leave they have responsibility for the child the hrs the partner work. All other hrs you share 50/50. That goes with housework too. It will be much better for the relationship and for your child who will bond equally with both parents.
#16
The advice I’ve given people is this: if you can go grocery shopping with your person and have the best time ever, you have yourself a keeper. It’s all about making the best of the mundane things, because after years of being together, life becomes predictable. You’ll need to keep the spice going, regardless of what you’re doing.
Source: married 15 years.
RaroaRaroa 2 years ago
I must be headed for divorce then. I can't stand it when my husband comes to the supermarket with me. It takes forever.
#17
My fiance always says that "just because" flowers are the best kind of flowers.
#18
A meme when I was first getting married was, "Happy wife, happy life". Which has some degree of accuracy.
But much later, I learned the better version, which I should have been more considerate of: "Happy Spouse, Happy House".
#19
My father always said that the best thing he and my mother did for their marriage was get a king-sized bed. I always thought it was ridiculous advice until recently, when my wife and I needed a new bed. We spent the extra money on a king, and I'll be damned if that wasn't one of the best decisions we have made. The extra room is amazing: We can snuggle or have some space, and when our kids try and get in bed, there's enough room that no one is getting a foot to the face.
#20
'The grass is greener when you water it.' This one always stuck with me. Your relationship is what you make of it, and it will be happier if you put love and effort into it.
Joy Hunter 2 years ago
Actually, conventional wisdom when I was growing up was "The grass is ALWAYS greener over the septic tank"...because c**p makes great fertilizer. (Title of a book by humor writer Erma Bombeck.)
#22
One of my colonels told me: “just buy two damn pizzas, instead of arguing over the toppings.”
#23
Moma said "don't come whinning to me about your wife, go talk to her"....and don't spend your time complaining to ANY one about your SO. If you need advice, ask, but no talking down about your SO, chances are they have a long list of complaints too.
#24
Retain your individuality and have separate hobbies even after you're married. Have time apart. Have separate activities. This will allow you to have experiences you can talk about and share with each other. It will give you time apart so you don't feel smothered.
#25
My step mom just passed away, and dad said something that has profoundly changed my attitude:
>"The little things that annoyed me are the things I now miss"
So, like, yea... for some reason she squeezes a massive glob of toothpaste which mostly falls into the sink basin and she doesn't wash away the toothpaste spit... f*****g annoys me.
*If/when she's gone, that little constant annoyance that reminds me she's there will be gone too.*
Don't nag on the little things, rather, embrace them. (still, let her know ... she has made progress on other things I've pointed out, as I try to adapt to her wishes).
Mad Dragon 2 years ago
My dad married a nice lady after my mom passed away. He told me, “She (current wife) is so calm. I sort of miss the conflicts I had with your mom.”
#26
When an argument is brewing stop and eat something, you may just be hungry.
#27
You don't just marry her, you marry her whole damn family.
Carrie de Luka 2 years ago
My family used to be great, sadly the dynamics can change (very complex). I allow my husband to avoid them. Not his fault I came with them.
#28
Love isn’t about having “nice feelings for each other.” It’s about acting for the betterment of someone else, even if you don’t feel like it. Emotions will change. Your willingness to treat your spouse a certain way doesn’t have to.
Elizabeth Elliot 2 years ago
Man, every single one of these bits of advice should be joint first!
#29
Mine is almost the exact opposite. My husband snores really loud. I started sleeping separately and we have a much better relationship now. Probably because I'm not constantly sleep deprived. We both fought it so hard for so long because there is this idea that only unhappy couples sleep apart from each other. The truth is, you've got to do what works for the both of you and not worry about preconceived notions about intimacy, etc.
Tigerpacingthecage 2 years ago
I sort of agree. I'm a bit ish on intimacy though. Yes it saves resentment with the snoring, and yes you could have sex in another room. But I do miss midnight/morning cuddling and other morning stuff...But yeah, overall it's worth it and often the only option!
#30
Grandma said "love is like coffee. Sometimes it's hot, sometimes it's cold, sometimes it's sweet, sometimes it's bitter. No matter how you like it, it is good. But it's only great when you get it 'the way you like it'. Make sure you get what you want".
What do you think ?
Lisa H 2 years ago
So much of this resonates with me. I thought my ex was the one for me. We were together for 8 years, but I think we were over by year 6 or so. There are so many things both of us could have done better. I don't ever want to get back with him, though, I'm trying to think of the whole experience as a lesson. I learned a lot about myself as a result and am currently working on making myself better. I have been in therapy for about a year and counting and have high hopes of someday finding someone who is actually right for me, but taking my time. I'm terribly lonely, but I don't want to rush into anything. I think that was the first mistake my ex and I made. Anyway, thank for reading my ramblings, whoever reads this.
Gabriela Chico-Farias 2 years ago
Your story resonates with me. It’s comforting to hear my experience is not unique and it makes me feel less alone and more confident that my new path on my own is the right one at this time. Working on myself first is my primary concern too. Thank you for sharing snd much luck in your journey.
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No you didn't 2 years ago
Lots of people giving lots of intake based on their personal experience. I guess all people are different and what works for one couple doesn't have to work for the next. So I'd take some of the advice given here with a grain of salt.
Memere 2 years ago
I always take these lists with a grain of salt - as you said, everyone is different. What works for some won't work for everyone, but sometimes a different viewpoint can be essential to a relationship.
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Lisa H 2 years ago
So much of this resonates with me. I thought my ex was the one for me. We were together for 8 years, but I think we were over by year 6 or so. There are so many things both of us could have done better. I don't ever want to get back with him, though, I'm trying to think of the whole experience as a lesson. I learned a lot about myself as a result and am currently working on making myself better. I have been in therapy for about a year and counting and have high hopes of someday finding someone who is actually right for me, but taking my time. I'm terribly lonely, but I don't want to rush into anything. I think that was the first mistake my ex and I made. Anyway, thank for reading my ramblings, whoever reads this.
Gabriela Chico-Farias 2 years ago
Your story resonates with me. It’s comforting to hear my experience is not unique and it makes me feel less alone and more confident that my new path on my own is the right one at this time. Working on myself first is my primary concern too. Thank you for sharing snd much luck in your journey.
Load More Replies... No you didn't 2 years ago
Lots of people giving lots of intake based on their personal experience. I guess all people are different and what works for one couple doesn't have to work for the next. So I'd take some of the advice given here with a grain of salt.
Memere 2 years ago
I always take these lists with a grain of salt - as you said, everyone is different. What works for some won't work for everyone, but sometimes a different viewpoint can be essential to a relationship.
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