Philomena spilling the truth 💀

Yes. And I bitterly regret it to this very day.

Yeah that drives me crazy lol

Because I read the message in case it’s an emergency, which in most cases it isn’t, and am too busy with something to reply right away. Then I forget about it and don’t remember until days later, at which point I‘m too embarrassed to reply at all.

I'm ready, I've always been ready

Are they a thing anywhere except the USA? Totally foreign concept in my country!

Aaah, the wonders of the trickle-down dictatorship

Same day , different years

Earthquake903

Earthquake903

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Is he gonna put it on the fridge when you're done?

And to drink ma'am? Water

I swear my ears do that on the pillow side

Hahaha well that's now one of my new years goals

A good chef is like a good friend, they have the ability to pay attention to something else beside their own drama.

No one can dunk on you harder than your mom

(eats like ten breath mints for good measure) there we go, that'll REALLY show them.

*Flosses until there's a hemorrhage* ready!

Dentist: And when was the last time you flossed? ME: "You were there Bro!"

Dentist: you need to work better on brushing your theeth i recomend disclosing tabs Me: but.. Dentist: BUT WHAT?? (my dentist did not actually say BUT WHAT?? and i did not actually say but..

I was guilty of this as a kid once or twice, I admit…

despite the humor here, I advise againts actually doing this, excessive brushing can actually damage your teeth/gums

Or you only meant to think it.

You'll be dead you won't care

When you have to read the same comment over and over 'cause you keep zoning out.

I start panicking that the cross between the image means do u want to mute? And not you are muted

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Omg, you were a sturdy child to survive a two story fall

As annoying as an inflamated testicle! 🕷

My fiancé got married while I was deployed. A friend’s wife ran away from Utah to LA with a rock band. They were LDS

I go shopping with my mum a lot, mainly because I don't have any friends to go with and every time I end up regretting it. It takes her 3x as long to look through a store as it takes me.

Most likely he already had the quarter palmed in his hand and was messing with you.

Family, like the Jupiters.

Welp

Tickets are the bigger risk, n doubt. Scalpers are a bigger problem than airlines, despite the latter's best efforts.

I'd loved to have been that guy/girl in school that had it all figured out or had a talent. Or even had parents that made an effort to guide me in anyway. The older you get, the more doors close while your figuring out where your jigsaw piece fits.

This one time I slept funny and completely lost feeling in my foot. Not pins and needles, I just couldn't feel it at all. Then it got better. Kinda confusing.

Holy carpet. That is a creepy idea.

I was having suicidal thoughts a while back. my friend helped me cope with it by googling most painless suicide methods and reading the wiki page with me. how utterly unsympathetic she was actually really helped for some reason.

You are asking out of curiosity.

Ma'am, this is a Wendy's.

I say ouch when my character in a video game gets hurt