This is a story by artist Oleksandra Malyshko, from Dnipro, Ukraine, who has been living in Ukraine all this time and keeping her personal art diary. She reflected on everything that bothered and confused her in her paintings and delved into personal reflections. Sometimes she fought with herself not to lose her humanity in this difficult time.

I invite you to communicate with this story. I live in Ukraine and am a professional artist. From time to time I post and tell what is happening. But these are separate fragments from life. Perhaps you are a little used to my paintings, which I paint with stripes.

At the beginning of the war and the occupation of our territories, we were bombed almost all the time. We rarely managed to sleep, had a constant feeling of anxiety, and hardly ever bathed. There was a lot of degradation. We fought to survive, to survive. Almost everything was subordinated to reflexes. There was a lot of fear, the body and the whole body lived its animal life.

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When I realized this, I was filled with horror. I didn’t understand how to get out psychologically, I had never had such an experience in my life.

Before the war, in addition to art, I was interested in literature, classical music, rock, blues, and more. Sometimes I practiced meditation, was interested in world religions, and philosophy, and spent a lot of time painting, exhibiting, attending art events, and traveling. I collected impressions and it gave meaning to my life. It was a completely different life.

Let’s get back to the story of the painting. One day I began to analyze what was happening to me, what I had mentally lost, and what changes had taken place in my thoughts and perception of the world. There was no specialist around. All my friends and acquaintances were struggling with life problems alone.

To somehow change my condition, I asked people to find me a sketchbook so that I could go to plein airs near my house and paint. A sketchbook was found for me. I cut the fabric myself, glued and primed it. I put it on a stretcher and was fully equipped to create. But it seemed the strangest thing to do.

Imagine: you’re in the middle of a war and you’re worried about paints and painting.

I didn’t start painting right away, it was difficult. I used to sit in the wild and smear paints on the canvas, then wipe them off.

At the end of spring 2022, the trees blossomed, beckoning to us despite the danger. At that time I started painting this strange tree.

I was not able to complete this painting at that time, so I returned at different times of the year with paints. I made changes. It was not possible to visit this particular area. So it was difficult without nature. The landscape on the canvas has changed completely.

It’s winter, a local apartment, it’s cold, and the electricity is off. They are bombing again. I am sitting at the table in the warmest room. I put on everything I could and my special robe on top so that the paint stains would not be visible. I continued to paint my pictures with the flashlight of my cell phone. In order not to waste time and not to degrade, I would repaint my unfinished work. I applied many layers of paint on top, but I was not satisfied with the result. The landscape on the canvas was becoming more and more different from the real one.

So I slowly lived until 2023, when spring came, and the trees bloomed with white flowers. I finished my painting.

You can see what happened in the photo. I would like to return to peacetime in the spring and paint this tree again. Now I know exactly how I’m going to paint it.

Please write your questions in the comments. Write interesting stories from your life. You can also ask anything.

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