A Seagull’s Take On Raising Kids During A Pandemic

Hello again! It is me Z. You might have read my article “Why Do You Hate Me So Much?”: A Seagull’s Rant. I told you I would be back. I am sorry it took so long, but this Covid thing sure has wrecked havoc on my life.

My easy food source pretty much disappeared when the Governor of New Hampshire closed the beaches at the end of March. Why the heck would you close beaches in New Hampshire in March? The water is is about 44 degrees (f). That water is still freaking cold. The air temperature isn’t much better. The only people I saw were the creepy zombie walkers spread 6 feet apart. They were a little skittish and there weren’t that many of them. To be honest, they scared the crap out of me.

Despite some weird things happening with the humans, the world quieted down and the garbage disappeared. Now I am a gull, so I do appreciate devouring a good half eaten bag of Chetoos or fast food left overs on occasion. But I have to admit, it was kind of nice without the people and the cars. I am actually a good fisherman so I had plenty of “real” food. The beach was ours again and the humans had virtually dissappeared.

Finally after 65 days, the Governor opened the beaches back up. The surfers were the first to return at the crack of dawn. Then the rest of the humans trickled in and then flooded in. They of course were loud and they were messy. Easy pickings for breakfast, lunch, and dinner though. Breakfast starts with a bagel grab from KB’s. Lunch is usually skillfully hunted and captured from a Lilly Pulitzer beach bag. And the day finishes with a pizza or a Las Olas burrito. Life is good on the junk food front for sure.

There have been some challenges this year I have to admit. We just had a baby. Well at least one that I know of. I think I might have mentioned before how demanding young gulls are? All they do is eat! Our grocery bill went through the roof. My mate Charlotte and I are exhausted. We are trying to balance remote learning, work, and child rearing all while defending our home from creditors-I mean predators.

My stomach is in my throat with worry over my children and their future. Or maybe that is the bagel I just swallowed. Our new nugget doesn’t seem to be the brightest gull on the block, but she sure is sweet. I think we have a lot of work ahead of us. Yesterday she tried to eat a face mask. The day before a rubber glove. Today a hard candy still in its wrapper (low quality video below). I recommend turning the volume off.

Mmm, all this talk about food is making me hungry. Off to find some Cheetos. Wait, on second thought, I have kind of lost my taste for them. I hear they are picking a new flavor in November that will be coming out in January? I can’t wait. Although I will miss special saucing the Chetoo signs around town. That has been a great way to relieve stress.

Well, great chatting with you. I will be taking a break from social media for a while. I don’t have it in me to “sign” another Change.org petition to allow Johnny to play football during a pandemic or for tax refunds for parents “homeschooling” their children this past spring while teachers got paid to do nothing.

Long live the teachers, administrators, sane leaders, scientists, and compassionate gulls and boys. Be healthy.

Sincerely,

Z Gull

P.S. Seagulls prefer to be called gulls. Actually, we really don’t care but the gull people do.

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