If we get pockets at all.

Yup!!

Too funny!

When you have enough experience, you learn that you're going to wing it, and that (almost) everybody does! :)

My cats, *expressions of shock and awe*, "Mommy has a personality?!?"

I hate this so much!

The smacking of a banana being eaten close-by in a quiet room is hands down the worst thing a human being can hear. Their mouth opening at all except for the entering of more banana should be legal grounds for murder.

What's so challenging about boiling rice?

Also a source of humorous videos of people under sedation after they've been removed.

Also snapping your fingers at the bartender.

Stage 4: text my ex

This ain't right. I'm 44 and have the same ammount of sex than in my 20's... none :(

Or unusually tall person.

Here's the progression of events: 1. Dinner Maker (DM) starts off telling Dinner Eaters (DE) that dinner is ready WHEN it's ready. DE tell DM "I'll be out in a few minutes." FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER, DE finally come out to eat, and complain that the food is cold. 2. DM gives verbal updates: "Dinner will be ready in 10 minutes." DE fail to wrap up what they're doing, and are still 10 minutes late. Microwave Battle Royale ensues. 3. In an effort to get everyone fed in a timely manner, DM straight up lies about dinner being ready, people actually come out right away, complain to DM for the next 10 minutes that they're hungry, and attack the casserole dish like a pack of starving wolverines when it comes out of the oven. But hey, the food isn't cold! 4. DM cycles among scenarios 1-3 for the next several years until becoming inured to the surrounding DE pathos, finally says "screw it," and fixes her own plate and starts eating without 'em. The End :)

I say something, then 30 seconds later 'why did I say that I could've said this' and then never let it go

My Dad does similar with biscuits, he leaves just one.

So, fricking true

And there’s that guy on the floor who passed out from drinking

Or to rinse off sweat after a nasty hit and humid day, like today. XP

It's because you're still drunk when you wake up.

True, true

YES!!!! I love GIN!!!!

Hahaha

What is that right above his belt buckle?

Same here, no one else is ever on my phone, people just know not to touch 🤔

Damn I just developed a taste for Brandy, I am too young to die.

other *boy

Well then

True, true

Oh boy

Steal a pigeon :D

Nice

So true

What?

It's an ex for a reason. Don't text the ex.