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I Was Diagnosed With Schizophrenia At The Age Of 17, So I Started Drawing My Hallucinations To Cope With It

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I have always been an ‘artist’, I just didn’t realize what that meant until my mental illness appeared. I despise the term ‘mentally ill’; it implies that who I am as a person is fundamentally corrupted and broken.

Unfortunately, as soon as I tell people what I struggle with, I feel like that’s all they see me as. They see the stigma perpetuated by the media, and the inaccurate stereotypes portrayed in Hollywood. That is precisely why I am so open about what I live with.

More info: Instagram

My name is Kate and I’m an 18-year-old artist with schizophrenia

I Was Diagnosed With Schizophrenia At The Age Of 17, So I Started Drawing My Hallucinations To Cope With It

I’ve been ‘diagnosed’ with multiple labels over the years. At the age of 17 I finally was diagnosed with schizophrenia after my parents realized my mental health was getting worse

I draw a lot of my hallucinations as drawing helps me deal with it

I Was Diagnosed With Schizophrenia At The Age Of 17, So I Started Drawing My Hallucinations To Cope With It

In my hallucinations I hear voices, sound effects, random noises, and I often see bugs, faces, and disembodied eyes

I Was Diagnosed With Schizophrenia At The Age Of 17, So I Started Drawing My Hallucinations To Cope With It

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Inanimate objects will look like a Van Gogh painting: warped and swirly.

I hallucinate bugs quite often, and my depression makes me feel worthless like a fly. These bug illustrations represent my illness

I Was Diagnosed With Schizophrenia At The Age Of 17, So I Started Drawing My Hallucinations To Cope With It

This is a quote by an artist named Jory, and it was something that spoke to me.

This one crawls out of the vent in my ceiling and makes clicking noises, or I’ll see it crawl out from underneath things

I Was Diagnosed With Schizophrenia At The Age Of 17, So I Started Drawing My Hallucinations To Cope With It

This is a self-portrait. I looked in the mirror and my eyes did this thing. I painted it

I Was Diagnosed With Schizophrenia At The Age Of 17, So I Started Drawing My Hallucinations To Cope With It

I have a lot of intense emotions, and hear voices telling me to light things on fire

I Was Diagnosed With Schizophrenia At The Age Of 17, So I Started Drawing My Hallucinations To Cope With It

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Here is an example of the disembodied eyes I see. They surface in a mounds or masses on my walls or floors. They warp and move.

I Was Diagnosed With Schizophrenia At The Age Of 17, So I Started Drawing My Hallucinations To Cope With It

This is Birdie, she sings to me

I Was Diagnosed With Schizophrenia At The Age Of 17, So I Started Drawing My Hallucinations To Cope With It

My self esteem is at its lowest, and I feel insignificant. I always wish I could shapeshift into a “prettier” person

I Was Diagnosed With Schizophrenia At The Age Of 17, So I Started Drawing My Hallucinations To Cope With It

What eyes sometimes look like, with more of those odd colors and circles

I Was Diagnosed With Schizophrenia At The Age Of 17, So I Started Drawing My Hallucinations To Cope With It

Organization, communication, paranoia, depression, anxiety, and managing my emotions are the biggest struggles for me

I Was Diagnosed With Schizophrenia At The Age Of 17, So I Started Drawing My Hallucinations To Cope With It

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What I live with isn’t easy and it can be debilitating, but I’m not living out on the streets screaming about alien abductions. That’s not to say there aren’t people out there who are that severe – there are. However, there are also people like me who just stay at home most of the time cooped up in their room. It is a spectrum of symptoms with varying severity levels. Each person’s experience is unique.

5.8Mviews

AwkwardApostrophe

A 22 year old artist.

A 22 year old artist.

What do you think ?

Wezbie 7 years ago

I can't imagine what the world would look like through your eyes so thank you for sharing your story and your wonderful drawings! You are incredibly talented! Have you seen the TED talk by Eleanor Longden? I would highly recommend it if you are ever feeling alone in this. I hadn't really seen a lot of people with schizophrenia talking about it and just like with your post, her talking about it helped me understand it all a little better :)

140points

Ok Ha-Neul 7 years ago

i watched the video. those were the most well spent 14 minutes of my life. i wish you well

31points

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Jeanne Deaux 7 years ago

I once listened to a 4 minutes of what it's like to hear voices. It's absolutely terrifying. I can't imagine what it is like to hear them in your daily life. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0vvU-Ajwbok

5points

Max Stern 7 years ago

Good call! Always good to have company, may I add checking out Schizophrenia.com specifically the open chat. And Reddit Schizophrenia and schizoaffective. Well aware of the difference, but there a Lot of crossover. Had some good talks and met a lot of people mutually realatable on both. Very friendly, and anonymous. One other thing I learned from were "courses" by NAMI. People coping helping people coping. Disability will cover costs if you have it.

0points

Florentina Lestaru 7 years ago

what video...? :) sounds interesting

0points

Nikolina Požega 7 years ago

Yes you can imagine it! That's why they invented the sickness and diseases, to prevent us from exploring different realities. And that's why all the world looks at people as they are sick, when all that is sick is someone's perception of one's reality. BTW, this girl is so beautiful on the outside which is only a reflection of her from the inside. See, that's what happens when you start exploring your own universe, inner and outer, you become BEAUTIFUL.

-3points

Marky 7 years ago

I think you helped a lot of people right now to understand, to emphatize, in sharing your amazing art with everyone, visualizing what most people cannot imagine is your reality...thank you. You are so beautiful and so talented !

68points

John L 7 years ago

My uncle has schizophrenia, and as it was gaining on him, he described it to me once. Its like being in a base universe, with countless ones buzzing in and out, and you can't stop it. He has totally isolated himself, and everyone doesn't understand. But its because he doesn't want others to see him that way. I totally empathize with you dear. Bless you!

62points

Max Stern 7 years ago

Good post and definitely one of the ways I see it. And ditto on the isolation. No one with a severe disorder wants to have even friends and loved ones perceive them as having become "other". Which is harsh because even after a break we are still us. Almost No One seems able to understand that.

0points

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Wezbie 7 years ago

I can't imagine what the world would look like through your eyes so thank you for sharing your story and your wonderful drawings! You are incredibly talented! Have you seen the TED talk by Eleanor Longden? I would highly recommend it if you are ever feeling alone in this. I hadn't really seen a lot of people with schizophrenia talking about it and just like with your post, her talking about it helped me understand it all a little better :)

140points

Ok Ha-Neul 7 years ago

i watched the video. those were the most well spent 14 minutes of my life. i wish you well

31points

Load More Replies...

Jeanne Deaux 7 years ago

I once listened to a 4 minutes of what it's like to hear voices. It's absolutely terrifying. I can't imagine what it is like to hear them in your daily life. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0vvU-Ajwbok

5points

Max Stern 7 years ago

Good call! Always good to have company, may I add checking out Schizophrenia.com specifically the open chat. And Reddit Schizophrenia and schizoaffective. Well aware of the difference, but there a Lot of crossover. Had some good talks and met a lot of people mutually realatable on both. Very friendly, and anonymous. One other thing I learned from were "courses" by NAMI. People coping helping people coping. Disability will cover costs if you have it.

0points

Florentina Lestaru 7 years ago

what video...? :) sounds interesting

0points

Nikolina Požega 7 years ago

Yes you can imagine it! That's why they invented the sickness and diseases, to prevent us from exploring different realities. And that's why all the world looks at people as they are sick, when all that is sick is someone's perception of one's reality. BTW, this girl is so beautiful on the outside which is only a reflection of her from the inside. See, that's what happens when you start exploring your own universe, inner and outer, you become BEAUTIFUL.

-3points

Marky 7 years ago

I think you helped a lot of people right now to understand, to emphatize, in sharing your amazing art with everyone, visualizing what most people cannot imagine is your reality...thank you. You are so beautiful and so talented !

68points

John L 7 years ago

My uncle has schizophrenia, and as it was gaining on him, he described it to me once. Its like being in a base universe, with countless ones buzzing in and out, and you can't stop it. He has totally isolated himself, and everyone doesn't understand. But its because he doesn't want others to see him that way. I totally empathize with you dear. Bless you!

62points

Max Stern 7 years ago

Good post and definitely one of the ways I see it. And ditto on the isolation. No one with a severe disorder wants to have even friends and loved ones perceive them as having become "other". Which is harsh because even after a break we are still us. Almost No One seems able to understand that.

0points

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