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50 Of The Most Embarrassing Things That Kids Have Ever Said In Public
Being a kid is great, because you can embarrass your parents as much as you want without feeling even slightly bad about it. Take a look at this hilarious list of embarrassing kid quotes to see what we mean. Compiled by Bored Panda, the list contains some of the funniest, the weirdest, and the most unexpected words to exit the mouths of children. It serves as a reminder that, even though growing up has its benefits, there's nothing quite as liberating as saying exactly what you think in a crowded place and letting somebody else apologize for you. Don't forget to vote for the funniest!
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#1
Friend's son, 5 years old, pointed at a Muslim women in the mall wearing full garb (including face) and shouted, "Mom, a ninja!"
RELATED:
#2
On our way to watch my daughter play soccer, my son was asking me about how babies were made. So I told him all about the sperm and they egg and so on. He seemed to reflect deeply about what I had said. Get to soccer and we sit among all the other parents and he blurts out "Dad, is your sperm still inside me?" I almost fucking died.
#3
Took my kids to see Puss and Boots, and when lights dimmed and Puss appeared on the screen, my middle son screamed, 'It's pussy time!' The whole theater was cracking up — I laughed so hard I cried.
#4
My daughter once asked a black guy why he was made of chocolate. I was incredibly embarrassed. He thought it was hilarious.
#5
When I was 5 or 6 we were at my Dad's company picnic. I was introduced to his boss and I told him, "My Daddy says you're a son of a bitch." My Dad's co-workers fed me ice cream all afternoon.
#6
When my daughter was two and asking about the anatomical differences between herself and her baby brother, I taught her the proper terms and that women and girls had vaginas and vulvas and boys and men had penises and testicles. Whilst browsing through Kohl's that holiday season (store was PACKED), she loudly exclaimed as she pointed to ever stranger we passed "BOY! Penis and tentacles!" "GIRL! Gyyyyyynah and Volvo!" Lather rinse repeat. The kicker was the androgynous cashier. She asked "Boy or girl?". The cashier was a trooper and smiled "Girl, sweetie." Kid proudly screams back "Gyyyyynah and VOLVO!"
#7
When I was pregnant with my youngest daughter we explained to my older daughter that mommy has a baby in her belly and daddy put it there. Well she always wants to be just like mommy so she started going around telling people she has a baby in her belly and her daddy put it there..... you can imagine the looks I got.
#8
Three-year-old daughter Madeleine said very loudly in public toilets: ''Mummy, why do you have a beard on your bottom"
#9
My three year old daughter will yell "LOOK DADDY! A GANGNAM STYLE!" whenever she see's an Asian man.
#10
Daughter was rubbing my face with a small football earlier, she thought it was funny so I let her carry on. Later on we were in a restaurant when out of nowhere she gives it "I gave my daddy a ball massage before".
We didn't stay for dessert.
#11
My son was feeling really badly about pooping his pants, so to make him feel better I told him that it happens to everyone, even mommy. The next day we walked in to daycare and told the lead teacher “Yesterday I pooped my pants, but mom said it was ok; it happens to her all the time.”
#12
I was dating a guy back when my son was maybe 7-8 years old. I picked him up from the airport one night and brought my son with me. While we were driving home the three of us started playing the game "raise your hand if you've ever..." 5 minutes in, my son blurts out "raise your hand if you've ever clogged up the toilet with a big pile of poop like my mom did today".
#13
My 4-year-old son felt the need to warn "old" people they will die ... he told a lady in the grocery, "Old people die ... and you don’t look so good"
#14
I was the kid (sorry.) My mom is obese, and she always used to sigh, "I'm the fattest woman in the world," when she looked in the mirror. Being about four, I took this literally. One day we were in K-Mart, and I saw this REALLY huge woman in a mumu. I freaked out, pointing and yelling, "LOOK MOMMY! YOU'RE NOT THE FATTEST WOMAN IN THE WORLD, SHE IS!!"
#15
My daughter is obsessed with body parts. Especially vaginas and penis' and she often asks strangers, "do you have a penis or a 'gina?"
That's not the awkward part.
She was sitting on her dad's lap at church and one of the old ladies who sits near us said, "Oh, you're sitting so nicely on your daddy's lap! You must really like your daddy being here!" (She said this because my husband works A LOT so it's very rare that he is actually able to come to church with us) my daughter said, "I'm not sitting on his lap. I'm sitting on his penis. Do you want to sit on my daddy's penis someone?"
Yvonne Bernal 8 years ago
I bet it's even rarer that daddy goes to that Church anymore. I had to laugh OUT LOUD on this one!
#16
When pregnant with our second child we told our first, three years old at the time, that mommy's belly was so big because there was a baby in there.
At a restaurant a couple days later a heavy-set woman walks by our table. Daughter shouts, "Look mom! That lady had a baby in her butt!"
#17
When I was around 3 years old my dad told me that smoking was bad, and that only idiots smoke. A couple days later we walked past a smoking woman. I remembered what my dad had told me, and I said with the loudest voice possible:
"Dad, look at that idiot over there smoking cigarrettes!"
#18
During my divorce, while the kids and I were at Walmart buying groceries, I put a bottle of wine in my cart and my daughter yells, “Oh, look, Mom’s sad again.”
Yvonne Bernal 8 years ago
Nothing like teaching a child that when you're sad you drink . . . (sigh)
#19
My daughter at the tender age of 8 announced to a crowded room that when she grows up she wants to be a prostitute!
Turns out she meant prosecutor but, you know, it took a while
#20
My 6-year-old daughter had her appendix out. When the stitches were removed, there was a catheter in her abdomen, sticking up. She looked down and proudly announced: “Goodbye appendix, hello penis!”
#21
When I quit smoking, my 5-year-old at the time (she's 23 now) told her kindergarten teacher that she was so proud of me because I quit drugs.
#22
"Look, Mommy, that police has handcuffs like the ones in your bedroom!"
#23
After getting new Toy Story undies, my son yelled to the drive-through workers at Chick-fil-A, “I’ve gotta woody in my pants!”
Jenn Rosche 8 years ago
We had those underwear too....really bad idea .... especially when at grandma's he tells I got my woody😂 in front of out of town company.
#24
When my kid was first learning to tell the difference between men and women, he liked to practice loudly, in public. One day we were sitting in a restaraunt, and he decided to review.
"Mom, you're a woman."
"Yes, sweetie, that's right!"
"And Papa's a man."
"Yes, right again."
"And she--" (pointing to an old lady sitting across the room from us) "she's a WITCH!". At the top of his lungs, of course.
#25
There was long receiving line at a funeral, and my child blurted out, "Hurry up! I wanna see the dead body!"
#26
My son (aged 3 at the time) asked me on a packed bus in central London: 'Mummy how does daddy put the seed in your tummy? I was pregnant at the time. His sister aged 3 answers ''mummy swallowed it' I almost died.
#27
My, then two year old, being held by a woman who drew on her eyebrows, exclaimed “You have something on your face!” Followed by proudly wiping off one eyebrow, he said, “There I got it for ya!”
#28
My friend was having a hard time getting her daughter to drink water. At lunch one day the little one loudly exclaimed that “drinking makes mummy happy”.
#29
For amusement we would tie a hotdog to my 4-year-old sister's waist and the neighbor's dog would chase her around trying to get the hotdog and she would giggle and it was funny.
Well one day at the grocery store, as our neighbor is buying a pack of hotdogs my sister blurts out "ARE THOSE HOTDOGS FOR MY BUTT???" Lots of stares.
#30
My mother and I were at Chili's with my son (who was about 6 or 7 at the time) and my mother and I split a margarita during dinner (a small one, not one of those fishbowl ones). After dessert, we get the bill and get up to leave, when my son suddenly starts BAWLING loudly. Alarmed, I squat down and ask, "what's the matter?!!" I'm thinking maybe he cut himself or is in pain or something horrible the way he is wailing like a hyperactive banshee. In between hysterical sobs he manages to screech, "I DONT WANT TO GET IN THE CAR WITH A DRUNK DRIVEEEEEEERRRR!!!! I DON'T WANT TO DIE!!!!!!" Literally everyone in the restaurant is either staring at me horrified or giving me the death eye. It was so embarrassing. I tried my best to soothe him and explain to him that it was ok, but he was just screaming"You're DRUUUUNKK!".
#31
My ex husband once had to take my 3yr old daughter to the gents public toilets as he was on his own with her. She'd been making chocolate crispy cakes in nursery and one was in her bag in it's little plastic bag. During her wee in the gents cubicle she remembered this cake and how gooey it had been and pulled it out of her bag. In a piping voice she shrieked ''Look Daddy, its gone hard!!'' When he tried to shush her she tried again, ''But look Daddy, prod it like this, look its gone hard!''' He honestly thought he'd never make it out of the gents alive.
#32
Was riding on a public bus and my five year old put her hand on a guy's shoulder in the seat front of us and said - "This man is very fat.”
#33
When I was pregnant, I ended up having to take my three year old daughter to one of my OB appointments. My doctor had to do a vaginal exam to which my daughter replied loudly “Mommy, how come you show your ‘gina to EVERYONE!!??”
#34
My cousin loved blackcurrant juice as a kid but couldn't pronounce it, he shouted 'MUMMY I WANT BLACK CUNT' repeatedly at my aunt in the supermarket
#35
Not a parent, but when I was 4 my mom almost got in an accident on the freeway. She slammed on the horn and screamed "jackass" out the window all while flipping them the bird.
Fast Forward a couple weeks. We are leaving my grandparents house and my mom honks the horn as to say goodbye. I proceed to roll down my window and give them the finger, yelling "jackass" as we drove away.
#36
So...I'm not a parent, but I was present for this. My entire family was out for dinner one night, and my sister, my niece, and I were waiting in line in the women's bathroom.
Sister and niece (who was 2) go into a stall together. I'm still in line with several other women, and I can hear sis and niece talking through niece go to the bathroom. I then hear sister say, "Ok, pull your underwear up while mommy pees now" and niece chirps up, "Mommy, I have a bagina!"
Giggle. Ok. Twitters go through the line of women. Kids say the darndest things!
A few seconds later, though, we all hear "Mommy! You have a BIG bagina!!"
Several women lost it, including myself. I've never seen my sister as red as she was when she came out of the stall.
AppleDragon 3 years ago
My friend in grade two used to say “ my brother’s bagina pounds when her sees a girl!”
#37
Not a parent but I'm a full time nanny and used to work at a daycare. I was dating one of the dads (he was single and it was totally legit), and one morning, in front of the entire staff, his son asked me "why were you in daddy's bed this morning?". Pretty much horrifying.
#38
Father taking his son to the bathroom in a restaurant when his son exclaims: “ARE WE GONNA GO SWORD FIGHT WITH OUR PEE PEES?!” Dad looked like he wanted to evaporate.
#39
Took my 3 year old son to Disneyland, where we saw his hero Buzz Lightyear. Coincidentally he had just told me he had to "go potty," and I knew I had a matter of seconds to get him to a bathroom, because once a toddler tells you he has to go it means he is near bursting at the seams. I tried gently leading him away, but he started babbling about pushing Buzz's buttons so that he would start flying around. When he realized I was going to drag him the other direction, he started screaming, "Buzz! I want to touch you! Let me touch you!" This got a lot of startled looks. I hoisted him up and started carrying him away under my arm. He immediately wet his pants all over both of us and continued wailing, "Buzz! Let me touch you! I'll let you touch meeeee!" as dozens of tourists started in shock. Suffice to say I hid in the bathroom for a while.
#40
My four-year-old son walked up to a little person at the airport and said " Well you're a funny little man, but I do like your hat". Before I had a chance to apologize - the man replied, "Thank you...and I like you!"
#41
My wife and I were viewing property when on inspection of the view out of the back window I noted a tube track. I asked whether it was noisy but the women said that they hardly hear anything. Her little daughter said "That's not true mummy, that's why we are leaving!"
#42
We were eating dinner at a restaurant and my 4 yr. old son holds his belly and loudly says, "Mommy, my tummy hurts. I think I'm going to start my period!"
Kylie Rixon 8 years ago
That's sweet. Nice to hear that at least one young man will grow up with an understanding of this basic biological function.
#43
We were waiting in line to check out a book from the library and there was a lady in front of us who had a blood stain on the back of her pants. I didn't even notice it at first, but my son was at eye level with the stain and said, "Look daddy, she pooped blood all over herself. That's nasty. She should wear a diaper."
#44
Once we invited a couple from church over to our house for the first time, to watch a Bears game. At the time my son was 3 or 4, and would refer to the teams by their jersey color. Well, that day they were playing the Falcons, and the Bears were in white. A few minutes into the game, my son wanders up to me and quietly asks, 'Which one is Bears?' I told him it was the white team. To which he then shouts out, 'Yeah, we cheer for the white guys, because we don't like black guys, right, Dad?' I had to awkwardly say, 'Yes, the Falcons are wearing black, and today we do not like them because they're against the Bears.' Everyone laughed a bit, but there were some side glances.
Kylie Rixon 8 years ago
I had something very similar happen. Like many kids aged 3 or 4, my son called people the name of the shirts, so "the purple woman" meant the woman wearing a purple shirt, etc At a game of under 6 soccer, my son son says "I don't like the black boys", referring to the side opposing his friend's team. Unfortunately, purely by coincidence, the team wearing the black jerseys were mostly Sudanese refugees. I couldn't think of a single thing to say that wouldn't make the situation worse.
#45
When my daughter was young, think 2 or 3 year-old, she had apparently questioned her mother about the difference between boys and girls. I learned this fact as I arrived home from work. We lived in an apartment building at the time. As I was coming up the stairs and my neighbor was coming out of his apartment, my daughter popped her head out the door, saw my neighbor, and proudly declared, "My daddy has a penis!"
#46
I had just started seeing this new guy and when he came over my five-year-old son answered the door and said I would be down in a sec because I was on the toilet wiping my butt.
#47
I was at a Barnes and Noble with my son (he was 5 at the time) looking for a new book. My son has always been a talkative child and always said hello to people. While I am looking for a new book, I hear my son say hello to a man in a wheelchair. The man did not acknowledge my son and so my son repeated his greeting. The man remained silent. My son says hello and once again is ignored. My son sighs and tells me "well, I guess his ears don't work either".
#48
My sister was about 5 and had just gotten to the stage where she's discovering things about her body. My mother explained that this is perfectly okay but needs to happen only at home like in the bedroom or bathroom.
Later that week my mom's out shopping with her and from across the store she hears my sister yell "Mo0o0om I'm touching my vagina! ............ Just kidding!"
#49
My oldest son was 3-4, we were walking into a store together, and a very overweight woman was in front of us with a companion.
My son looks at me and asks "mama, is she going to fit through the door?" Loud enough that the woman heard him.
#50
When I was a kid I had to get my urinary tract dilated. At church I prayed for my upcoming surgery, but four year old me was unclear on what exactly was going on so I just asked every one to pray "for my penis, because it is too small."
#51
While working as a veterinary technician, there was a housewife that would always have her twins (boy & girl). At the time their kitty Aslan had just been fixed and we were doing a routine check up. When I went to take the temperature, the little boy turned to me and loudly announces that "we aren't supposed to touch kitties butts." Then he turned and saw his mom was distracted talking to the vet and then whispered to me "But, sometimes when my momma isn't looking... I do."
#52
The priest stood up for the second time to speak at my grandson’s Christening yesterday and as he began to speak my 5 year old son yelled, “Oh no, not again”.
#53
My little brother. He was like 4-5. We were at a SF Giants game and he had to use the bathroom. Walks up to the urinal and does his business. A rather larger black guy walks up next to him and starts to pee. He turns to me and yells, pretty damned loud, "WOAH!!! That's huge!!!"
Nostalgic Hyena 5 years ago
When my history teacher's son was younger, he apparently told a guy using a urinal "Yeah, you're doing great!"
#54
My daughter Trisha was about 2 when I made her walk to the store... no stroller! So we get there, get our shopping done and at the register there comes a man in a wheelchair! Trisha looks at me and gets really mad and tells me: "That is so mean! I have to walk while he gets to drive!" Oh my I wanted to just disapear!
Lauren Mitchell 8 years ago
I'm sure that man would rather walk. Would be a good time to teach her about appreciation of things that are fleeting.
#55
My daughter's only 1 but says some words. Sometimes, her dad and I grab each other's tummies and say "fat" or "fatty" in an affectionate way, and she looks. So the other day, some friends of my mom came over to visit and we went to a park. My daughter was playing but then came over and started saying "hello" to all the women. I guess one of them mentioned the word fat(I didn't hear it, but can't think of any other reason my daughter would've done that) so she walked over to her(coincidentally, she was the biggest one), pinched her on the leg, and said "fatty". I was so embarrassed, but everybody laughed, so obviously she kept doing it... Well, I picked her up so she would stop doing that, but she started crying "FAT, FATTYYY!" while pointing at my mom's friend.
Shyrell Melara 8 years ago
She understood it to be a sign of affection and she was showing love just like mom and dad!
#56
We were at church and they called the young children to the front to talk about tithing and stealing and they asked, “If you found some money lying on the ground, what would you do?” My then four year old daughter replied, “Finders keepers, losers weepers.”
Susan Gateley 2 years ago
When my daughter was five we were visiting a new church. When the offering plate came to us my husband explained that she should put the dollar we had given her into the plate passed to us, She yelled loudly, “No! I want to take it home and put it in my wallet!” Needless to say the whole congregation roared with laughter! We wanted to disappear.!
#57
'Mommy, why did we take so long? Did you go poop, Mommy? Did you? Good girl for mommy, Yayyy!!!!' My son in a department store during his potty training phase. None of us could take a dump without him cheering us on.
Kylie Rixon 8 years ago
I was at the checkout with my 3 year old one day, when he proudly told the checkout assistant "My mummy did a big poo this morning". All I could do was blush and laugh.
#58
My husband and I were walking through IKEA with my then 4 year old daughter, when she screams out excitedly, "look Daddy, look at all the ninjas!". It was a group of Muslim women wearing burqas.
Long Joan Silver 8 years ago
My friends son, when he was about 4 or so, he used to call women in the Niqab "Batman" haha!
#59
My daughter's day care had circle time every morning as a way to start the day. Anyway we were late and walked into the middle of circle time. My daughter said "we're late because my Mommy had diarrhea".
#60
My son was about 4 at the time, he walked up to an old man in the store and said "My mom says old people wear diapers like I did, do you still pee your pants too?"
#61
In the toilets at a local supermarket. Mother Nature was paying her visit. My 4-year-old son came in the toilet with me ... Went running out of the toilet to announce to his grandma, and the rest of the supermarket, that 'My mummy has a piece of string hanging out of her bum.
#62
My son is full of embarrassing stories. We told him about Santa not being real because he was terrified of Santa and cried night after night screaming that "The evil Santa pirate was going to come into his house and mess with his things." Being four, he didn't understand our warnings not to tell other children. At Chick-fil-A one day, a kid comes running out of the play area crying that some kid was telling them that Santa wasn't real. I rush in, aiming for damage control and hear my boy finishing his lecture: "Santa isn't real and Jesus isn't real. I AM JESUS!" Chick-fil-A asked us not to return. TDLR: I am apparently the lesbian mother of the second coming of Christ.
#63
When my son Vadin was about six, we were waiting in the deli line at the grocery store. When our number was called he took the ticket, folded it in half, slid it into my cleavage, and said, "Go get yourself something nice."
#64
A lady got onto our bus with a young toddler in tow, the next stop an obviously pregnant woman got on, a very excited young lad pointed at the lady and shouted " Mummy, mummy I know what she's been doing"
#65
I am not a parent, but one parent was pretty embarrassed when her 4-year-old son asked my sister, "Why is there poop on your face?"
My sister (and I) are black. There aren't many of us in this town.
#66
I was with my five year old son in the middle of a crowded Apple Store, waiting to get my iphone worked on. Out of nowhere, he grabs my crotch and says "MOMMY!! Your pee pee is all wet!". I think I was a little sweaty from wearing a warm jacket and being in a crowded hot store at the mall. Needless to say, everyone in my immediate vacinity turned around and stared
#67
When my daughter was about 5 and the cashier was talking to her but had a mole with hair coming out of it. I had seen it and thought in my head 'please don't say anything...please don't say anything'. Too late. She just went "Did you know there's whiskers coming out of that booger on your face?"
#68
My daughter when she was 3 looked straight at some random man in Target & said "I have a vagina!"
#69
Visiting a neighbor with my 3yr old daughter, identical houses to which my daughter said ' it's just the same as our house mummy only ours doesn't smell '
#70
Not my kid but the daughter of a good single mom friend once went to a guy their mother was heavily flirting with at a party and whispered to him that their mom farts a lot during the sleep and it smells like rotten camembert.
Marcia J. Downing 8 years ago
Critics everywhere...Don't you have something better to do than put someone else down??? Chris K you forgot to capitalize your C for Chris!!! Does it make you feel bigger that others that make mistakes? Better watch out you'll have to answer for it some day! Shame on you!!!
#71
As I am taking my son, 3 or 4 at the time, out of the shopping cart as we leave Walmart, he starts yelling, "No, mister, No! Don't take me!" I'm glad my wife was there and he looks just like me.
#72
Son loudly in public toilet: "I did-a-wees with my winky! You doing-a-wees with your winky mummy?" "No, I don't have one -" "OH NO!!!!! DID YOU LOSE IT?????????" He sounded so horrified for me, and there was a lot of giggling from the surrounding stalls.
#73
When I was 4, my mom and I were waiting at the local coffee shop. In front us in line was a man with long hair down his back. In awe, I look to my mother and proclaim, "That man has really long hair!." To which she replies, "Yes, just like mommy." The man over hears this conversation and turns and smiles at me. I then tell the man "My mommy has long hair too, but she doesn't have a penis."
#74
My friends 4 year old daughter Lily and my friend were in the supermarket together with Lily sitting in the front of the trolley. As my friend was pushing her down one of the aisles she hears Lily exclaim loudly "Oh My God Mum look at that man! He is soooo cute!!!" My friend turns around to see a small person, or midget standing looking at them in surprise. My friend is horrified and whispers angrily "Lily!!! Shhhh!!" and tries to rush off. As they pass the man Lily hangs out of the shopping cart and yells to him "You are so CUTE!! Do you want to come to my birthday party?!???"
#75
My son (3 yrs) and i where at the bank when a young girl walked in. she was a had obviously been to the gym due to her tight fitted hot pink spandex attire and had quite round features and un upturned button nose. my son started clapping and screaming "Look mummy a pig oink oink a big pink pig oink oink." I felt terrible! i appologised and quicky exited the very busy bank
#76
My 2 year old son went through a stage of pronouncing chocolate "cock cock". In Sainsbury's he ran around screaming "I want cock cock, I WANT COCK COCK!!!" at the top of his voice.
#77
We were all sitting around the dinner table when my 6 year old sister (at the time) asked "Dad, are you a virgin?"
#78
My nephew is 6 and at the grocery store the other day he kept counting out loud. He would yell "SIX... SEVEN... EIGHT!" Finally I asked, "what are you doing?" And he yelled "COUNTING BROWN PEOPLE."
#79
I once dated a girl with a 5 year old daughter. We took her to Walmart to pick out her stocking. The aisle was super crowded and she took forever. When she found her stocking she squeeled "ALRIGHT, NOW LET'S GO GET SOME HOOKERS!" ... Turns out she meant the little weighted ornaments you hang the stocking from.
#80
Passed by a middle-eastern man in Walmart complete with a turban and other stereotypical robes...
My son: "Daddy, is that a genie?!?!"
#81
My son at about three years old was fascinated my the uvula in my throat. He thought it looked like a "pee pee". So one day we are out and he yells, "my mommy has a pee pee in her mouth!!"
#82
It was date night, just my 4 year old daughter and I. We went out for a 'fancy' dinner at a nice restaurant. She told me during dinner "Are you going to be able to walk or am I going to have to roll you out of here?"
#83
While getting communion, I was holding my two year old daughter. After I received communion my daughter promptly said, “Where’s my damn cookie?”
#84
My daughter was standing up for show and tell in front of her kinder class. She didn't show her beanie baby that she'd brought...oh no! This is what occurred..
"Okay Hannah what is your show and tell item?"
"Mrs Tetley when my mom woke up this morning she was in a goddamned pool of blood and there was so much it was on my Daddy's leg. He said it was like a goddamn blood bath".
#85
My daughter, 4 at the time was riding her balance bike down a hill and was unable to stop at the bottom. She ran into a small wall and began to scream, "OW MY NUTSACK, I HIT MY NUTSACK". She had heard it from her older brother. This was during a local kite festival so there were plenty of parent s and children around to give us the stink eye. I laughed my ass off, my wife was not as happy.
Nostalgic Hyena 5 years ago
When my friend's sister was younger, she dropped something on her lap and screamed "Ow, my balls!". When she was told she didn't have balls, she cried.
#86
I was standing in line at the grocery store behind a mother and her waist high child. The child decided to hug the mother, putting child's face into groin of mother. The child reared back and exclaimed "MOM! YOUR FRONT BUTT STINKS!" The whole grocery store nearly screeched to a halt as the mother paid quickly and left.
#87
I was renting a movie at the video store and was asking the checker when I need to return it when my little girl said "We're just gonna copy it anyway."
#88
We were in an elevator at a hotel going to the pool. It was me, my 5-year-old son, a teenage boy, and his dad. Suddenly, my son announces, “My mom isn’t usually half naked, we’re going swimming.”
#89
While discussing the 10 Commandments at Vacation Bible School (!), comparing "God's Rules" with rules the kids might have at home, my oldest -- then about 7 -- spouted: AT MY HOUSE, YOU DON'T DRINK FROM MOM'S CUP OF SODA WHEN IT HAS LIQUOR IN IT!
#90
My friend let his his daughter go in the front when no one else is in the car as a treat and she announced in public! "When me and daddy are in the car alone we do a secret thing"
#91
My daughter asking (very loudly), "Daddy, why did the white lady and the black man not make a tan baby?"
Standing directly in front of us with their white-as-snow baby.
#92
My daughter was about 3 when we were attending a wedding out of town. I was running a business at the time, so she was in her dad's care in the morning. She arrived at my business dressed in her cute little outfit for the wedding. After doing her hair we set off for the wedding. Just as the bride and groom were walking back down the aisle after the ceremony, my daughter, who was standing on the pew next to me so she could see, loudly announced "Mommy, I'm not wearing any panties!!".
#93
We were at the store and my son (then about three) pointed at the sanitary napkins and shouted, "LOOK! It's your MOMMY DIAPERS! You need those, don't you?!"
#94
During a quiet moment in church my kid randomly blurted out ‘Did you know aliens don’t have penises.
Long Joan Silver 8 years ago
I swear that would be something that my future kids would say, as I'm known to blurt out random things.
#95
Apparently when I was young, for a few days, my preferred greeting to strangers was : "hi! My name is kevin and that's my mom Nancy. Her pants size is 3XL"
#96
We were at my grandpa's 80th birthday dinner two weeks ago. My aunt and uncle were talking to my 6-year-old daughter about how my uncle and grandpa have no hair on their heads. My daughter proudly and loudly announced, 'Well, my mommy has hair on her bottom
#97
At a Halloween party a few years ago everyone was talking about nicknames and, for some reason, my son told everyone tat my nickname was "Sugartits".
#98
One time while in the fitting room, I overheard a little boy say, quite loudly, “Mommy, are you buying this new swimsuit because you poop-farted in your one last year?”
#99
My daughter once yelled out “I LOVE VAGINA” as loud as possible in a Walmart. Too bad she was actually referring to LASAGNA – which is what we were having for dinner.
#100
“My mommy has a baby in her tummy and when it finds the hole, it’s going to come out!”
#101
My son informed my mother in law that my husband hid from her when he saw her at Whole Foods.
#102
My daughter was 2 years old and told the cashier at the grocery store; "Sometimes daddy pulls on mommy's nightgown and mommy says 'no'."
#103
I made eye contact with a barefoot baby held by the mother in a grocery store. I said to my 6 yr old son in a normal voice, "I could just eat up those toes". He then yells out, "My mom wants to eat your baby!".
#104
"I'm so hungry, I could eat the baby Jesus!" ~4 year old boy in church on Christmas.
Master Markus 8 years ago
Another church story wherein the majority of us can probably agree with what the kid says. When my family went to Christmas church, it was the hungriest I'd ever been the whole year. Those services are too damn long.
#105
On holiday with mine in the pool... children's dad was pretending to be a dragon and chasing us all. He dunked me, obviously, so I told him to stop being ridiculous. When he then chased my daughter, she screamed at the top of her lungs, 'Stop it! You dickless dragon...'
#106
'Mommy, look at that giant cock!' Ikea with my two year old who had problems with the L sound.
#107
When one of my cousins was 2 he loved blue berries but he couldn't say it right. So every time he asked for some he would say "I want some boobies!"
#108
I'm an American living in the UK. I flew back to the US with my nearly 3-year old daughter in March. We ended up flying all over the damned US to see family because apparently no one else knows how to buy a plane ticket. I digress. As the three quarters full flight from Detroit into Cedar Rapids was about to take off, I look over at my daughter and she's got her shirt over her head. In my usual Mom voice I ask her what she's doing. She proceeds to scream, "I'M PLAYING WITH MY NIPPLES!"
#109
My daughter to my mother in a busy clothing store: Gramma, your teeth are such a pretty yellow!
#110
From my lovely three-year old:
When he was about 2.5, I took him shopping with me and a friend at a mall. She wanted to go into Victoria's Secret to look at some sweatpants. We went in with her, and I was walking around with him. Well, they have mannequins modeling their different styles of underwear. When he saw one, my son got really excited and starting shouting: "A BUTT! LOOK MOMMY!! LOOK? DO YOU SEE IT?!?! A BUTT!!!!! A BUTT!!!" in that loud excited voice that toddlers tend to have.
Nostalgic Hyena 5 years ago
When I was about 6 or 7 or somewhere around that range, my dad decided to take my friend and I to the mall. My friend found a mannequin and pulled down its pants.
#111
I have 2. At the age of 1.5, upon seeing his first dwarf/midget/small person, my son made clicking sounds as if calling a dog and slapped his knees saying, "Come here little daddy."
#112
Monday morning, preschool teacher asks my daughter "Did you have a fun weekend?" My daughter plays shy so I say "Tell her where we went this weekend," thinking she'll tell the teacher about our trip to the playground. Daughter's answer "We went on a beer run!"
#113
My half Korean niece loved Elton John's song Honky Cat when she was about 4. One day in the grocery, she was singing Honky Cat. Then she began pointing at random white people and saying "hey, Honky!"
Master Markus 8 years ago
It probably was just random people, unless you TOLD her that "honky" could be a derogatory slang term for a white person.
#114
My friend's 4 year old interrupted mom's book club to ask if he could "go upstairs and powder his balls."
#115
“Mom, please don’t sell me on Craigslist! I’ll be good.”
#116
I had taken my charges to the zoo a few years back on Valentine's Day. My oldest charge was 6 at the time, and sparked this conversation with me:
Kid: "The snow leopard is sad."
Me: "Oh, why's that?"
Kid: "Well, she doesn't have a boyfriend."
Me: "How come?"
Kid: "She has big feet. Boys don't like girls who have big feet.
Then he proceeds to look down at my feet, looks up at me and says, "Brittany, is that why you don't have a boyfriend?"
#117
My brother once asked my mom why a lady's stomach was so big. She answered it was because the lady was pregnant. Loudly, my brother asked the follow-up question, "Is that why her butt's so big, too?!"
#118
When my son was a toddler, and first learned that boys have a penis and girls have a vagina, he felt the need to constantly confirm people's genital status. He would ask me "Does she have a vagina?" ,"Does he have a penis?" for every person he saw when we were out and about. That was fairly manageable. But then, he mastered it, and he didn't ask anymore, he labeled. As we grocery shopped, he pointed and loudly announced "penis!" and "vagina!" at every retiree in the commissary that morning.
#119
I was at a store when a toddler was asking her mother for something. The mother was very agitated at the toddler and the toddler blurted out “Mommy needs more wine!”
#120
My son, then five, was on his first soccer team. The color of the team was blue. The coach and the team gather around to choose a name. “Any ideas?”, the coach asks. My son yells out “Blue balls!”
#121
My daughter was in the trolley at the supermarket when she was little. As we going along, she told me to stop. I did and at the top of her voice she said "mummy you nearly forget your wine!"
#122
My son brought the phone to the toilet door and I shouted I was busy. "Sorry she'll phone you back, she's doing a big poo."
#123
My daughter informed the waitstaff at the restaurant that she had "nipples" all over her body. She had goose bumps.
#124
Picking up milk from the dairy. The women thought my son was an adorable toddler and lavished him with affection and praise. The smiling ladies all in a row waving "bye bye, bye bye" with their best sweet toddler voices. Just as we reached the door to leave my son turns with a smile and his toddler wave and yells, "Bye bye dumb broads!"
#125
"Mom, did you make a baby with that man today?"
#126
We were on a city bus, sitting next to two elderly women. My 3-year-old chose that moment to announce loudly, “I’m not supposed to play with myself in the bathtub. I need to wait ‘til I’m in my bedroom aaaaaall alone!”
#127
When Disney bought out the film The Hunchback of Notre Dame my daughter was about 4 or 5 and she loved it..she had the little figures and books and toys...we were in out local supermarket and my daughter had run infront to look at the toys in the next Aisle ..like she always did....She shouted at the top of her little voice..."MOM...QUASIMODO IS ROUND HERE." i said hang on chick im coming....wondering how much this toy wa going to cost me...i walked into the next aisle and there was a Lovely Gentleman with a Curved Spine...!!!!! OMFG....i could not apologise enough...i dragged my daughter out of the shop pretty quick smart.
#128
Meeting our new next door neighbour for the first time, my 5 year old son said while introducing himself 'Hi, my name is James and this is my daddy who has just had a big stinky poo in the toilet upstairs and it won't flush away'.
#129
Once in a grocery store in cash register line a little boy asked his mother loudly why was she kissing daddy's penis yesterday...
#130
Frankfurt. Airport. We just missed our connection from Washington, D.C. to Odessa, Ukraine. That was the last plane to Ukraine for that day. I am begging the agent at the Lufthansa counter to think of something and point to my then six years old son: "Please, I am traveling with a small child!" And as on a cue, gazing at the agent, my sons gives a thundering sneeze and lets out in a clear as a bell voice: "Mom, during World War II were the Germans bad guys or good guys?"
#131
When getting in grocery carts or car seats, my boys have each shouted out, "Mom, you are smashing my peanuts!"
#132
I was trying to get my kids to smile for pictures at the photo studio so I said “chocolate pickles!” My 6-year-old son grinned and yelled back “Chocolate boobies!”
#133
My son pointed at a guy playing basketball, who had a prosthetic leg, and shouted, "Look mom! He's a cyborg!"
#134
My 3-year-old daughter was out with her grandma, and the lady in front of them in line was writing a check without ID and generally being irritating. At the top of her lungs, she sighs and says, "Grandma, this is taking FOREVER. It takes daddy less time to poop and he's in there long enough to play a world of Angry Birds!"
#135
After a hectic morning of my 3-year-old bugging my husband while he showers, I took them to the dentist. When the dentist asked, 'How are you today?' My little guy sighs and replies (at top volume), 'Not good. I just hate daddy's penis hair!' My husband is now in search of a new dentist.
#136
My mate as a 6-7yr old kid use to run around telling all the adults ” My daddy touches me” or “Me and daddy have a secret”
Lauren Mitchell 8 years ago
Was this a confused statement or did he actually mean it like that? I think we need some clarification...
#137
Teasing my children while waiting for their dad to pop into Tesco, saying daddy's coming pointing at random people and they were giggling saying no that's not daddy. When their dad came they giggled saying daddy's coming so I said that's not daddy. When he opened the car door my daughter shouted at the top of her lungs in a busy car park "Daddy, mummy doesn't think you're our dad!!!" Absolutely mortified!
#138
When my son was about 2, whenever he had chocolate, he'd wear more than he ate lol so I'd get a baby wipe and say, "Come on, let's see if we can find the pink boy under all that brown!" Well...We're sat in the doctors one day when a really sweet Indian family walks in with a little girl and what does my son say? "Mummy, can you find the pink girl under all that brown!" I nearly DIED!
#139
When my younger brother was quite little, he could not say truck properly and would say f#%k instead. It was always funny when a fire truck would drive by cause he got all excited about the fire f#%ks. But I think my mom was the most mortified during a trip to Toys R Us, each of us kids had a few bucks to spend and my mom asked us what we wanted look at when we walked in the door. My brother excitedly announced that he wanted a f#%k.
Final score:
5points
Kori K. Warriner 7 years ago
Oh yeah! I nearly died when my young nephew did the same thing. My sister had just bought him a toy fire truck, we walked out of the store, and he, very loudly, announced to the first incoming customer he saw: "I've got a fire f#%k!" My sister about died laughing at me saying "He said TRUCK! He said TRUCK!" I was the one pushing him in the cart.
#140
We were in a nice restuarant my son had to go to the bathroom so I took him, he sang to me as he pooped about his poop. "Mommy, I'm pooping, I'm pooping. Look at me I'm pooping. Oh it's a big one... Oh and it stinks..." or something along those lines, he was about 4 at the time, the other three women in the restroom at thet time left in a fit of giggles.
Nostalgic Hyena 5 years ago
When we were in Chattanooga last week, we went to a Chili's. According to my mom's friend, there were boys singing to their poop in the bathroom.
#141
My son is curious about whether I'm pee'ing or pooping. We were at a restuarant enjoying ourselves when I sneaked out for a smoke. I told my son I was going to the bathroom. Once I get half way across the restaurant, I hear "Daddy! Pee or Poop?". Naturally I just kept walking, pretending like he wasn't mine
meow point1 5 years ago
I was like that as a kid too. The weird part is that I'm squeamish about bodily functions now.
#142
When I was like four, my mother had to get a colonoscopy, and afterward we went to the grocery store. Someone she knew came up and started chatting with my mother and I just decided to blurt out "MY MOM HAS BUTT PROBLEMS!" I'm pretty sure she just wanted to melt into the floor and disappear.
#143
When my daughter was 3 she told the checkout lady at the video store that she was going to grow a penis just like her daddy when she got older.
#144
My son was about 2 when we went to church one Sunday...the bag for collection came around...he threw his coins in,and just as my hubby wanted to pass the bag on, he stopped his daddy, stuck his hand in the bag again and said out loud" Got to get me some Change".... I nearly died and the whole congregation bursted out laughing.
#145
My oldest daughter who is now just over 4 now was about 3 1/2 when we made a trip to walmart. I had to grab body wash which is right by the pickup window for the pharmacy (and there just happened to be a very long line of people) I handed her the body wash and she says "is this to wash your stinky butt?" And if that wasnt bad enough, the ky and condoms are right beside that and she grabs a box of ky and says "look mommy, its the slippy stuff that you and daddy have beside your bed".
#146
An old woman wearing an eye patch walked into a quiet restaurant and my tree-year-old son jumped up and yelled "LOOK IT'S A PIRATE! JUST LIKE JAKE AND CAPTAIN HOOK!"
#147
I was in line at a family party. The kid in front of me yelled mom I want a beer!
He meant root beer she told us. Quite few times.
#148
We were at a school function for my oldest son who was in the fourth grade. his mom was with him and i was charged with the younger two boys - aged 5 and 4. as i and my charges sat down at a bench table in the cafeteria, a woman with a young boy sat down across from us. taking one look at the other boy, my 4 year old smacked me on the arm and blurted out - "How come i had to take a bath to come here when He didnt?"
#149
I was young (three or four) with my aunt at the grocery store. We passed a young girl my age and her mom. The young girl was crying and I said "Don't worry, one day your boobies and my penis will grow like our parents!"
#150
Playing with my daughter when she was six and singing Little Bunny Foo-Foo… After a minute she stopped and said “wow, that Bunny Foo-Foo is a real b****!”
#151
Walking through a department store lingerie department and my then 5 year old bellows, “Mama, why are you looking at panties? You don’t wear those!”
#153
Younger daughter to older daughter
Yd: is she a girl (woman at cash register)
Od: yes! Ssh!
Yd: then why doesn't she have any boobs???
#154
4 year old son, loudly to me in a crowded deli: mommy, please get your vagina out of my face!
#155
When my daughter was very young, we were at the store buying tampons amongst other things. My daughter points to the tampons and quite loudly informed the cashier that "my Mommy needs those 'cause her vagina is bleeding"
#156
I was in Thorntons one Christmas and my then three-year-old asked for 'a black man lolly.
He meant a milk chocolate lolly of Santa instead of a white chocolate one. I nearly died.
#157
When I was getting my contraceptive pill my daughter Maddie asked what the tablet was for and I told her it was to stop me having babies as me and Daddy didn't want any more.
Maddie piped up: "I want a sister, stop taking it and trick Daddy." I wanted the floor to swallow me up
#158
Apparently when I was about 3 years old I told my grandparents that "mammy & daddy were doing their exercises in bed this morning!"
#159
My friends home was crowded with family down for a wedding so sleeping arrangements were chaos. Still my friend thought she'd organised it well until her 5yr olds teacher (and family friend) rang and, trying not to laugh, said that her son instead of giving his planned show and tell said 'When I got up this morning my uncle was in mummy's bed and making lots of noise' (he is a large man who snores loudly). He forgot to add that his mummy and daddy were asleep on the fold up bed downstairs. Luckily the teacher was able to explain to the reading aid mothers in the classroom before my friends reputation was totally destroyed.
#160
When my daughter was in the infant school, I remember putting her teacher right about something she had written in her diary. "I take no notice", she said,."I've heard it all, especially when they write that while their daddy was away at work, an uncle came to visit mummy"
#161
We were getting dressed after swimming in a family changing room. As I bent down to get something out of the bag to put on, my youngest said 'mummy why are your boobs SO long'
#162
My little boy - 4 at the time decided to tell the in-laws over Sunday dinner that daddy's winkie looks like a sausage with a strawberry on the end...
#163
My sister happily announced one day 'mommy takes daddy to work in the morning and then brings another man home'. We often gave one of his colleagues a lift home from his night shift if we saw him after dropping off my father! Not quite what it sounded like!
#164
When a family friend had new neighbors moving in down the street, they went over to greet them. He was talking to the guy and his son (like 5 at the time) rolls over on his big wheel and with his arms fully extended says, "My daddy's penis is this big!" And rode away.
#165
My family is pretty religious. Anyways, when I was about 4 my mom brought me to the bank and put my up on the teller counter while looking through her purse. I looked at the lady and allegedly yelled "MOM, I THOUGHT YOU SAID JESUS DOESN'T MAKE UGLY PEOPLE"
#166
My sons and I were at a local pool one day when my oldest who was 3 at the time joyfully yelled to a friend, "Mommy is going to have a baby come out of her big hairy butt!".
#167
Taking my nephew to a public restroom the other day ( he's not quite three) and he loudly said, "now I have to take out my penis!"
#168
One time at a park, my son spied what appeared to be a biracial brother and sister sitting at a nearby table. He yelled "Hey, black and white kids, wanna play?"
#169
Not my child, but she was with my son and me. The children were four years old. I took them to eat breakfast at McDonald's before preschool. There was a fly and I kept shooing it away. Audrey started talking about how much she hated flies. "And do you know what I REALLY HATE, Miss Kathy? I hate when a fly flies into my VAGINA".
#170
Eating in a restaurant with my family and there's a large woman sitting on her own a few tables away, who has some grey hairs growing on her chin. My daughter (4 years old) is glancing over at her very regularly and I'm just waiting for the comment.
Finally she says, very loudly - "Daddy, is that man an ogre?"
#171
We were at a camp-out, and my son, who was two or three at the time, loudly said, "Good night, sleep tight, don't let anyone touch your penis!"
#172
I guess I did not have great bathroom boundaries with my daughter. While in a shopping cart, checking out, sucking on a lollipop, my daughter pulls the lollipop out of her mouth and tells the person bagging the groceries: "Sometimes my mommy pees red." She said it like I was a superhero.
#173
In a public restroom — of course — my son asked, 'Mommy, why are you peeing out of your butt?'"
#174
My four year old brother to a rather heavyset catholic priest: You're very fat! I think you're going to have a baby
Final score:
4points
#175
In a public toilet.... with a queue of a gazillon people waiting, my 3 yo announces at the top of her lungs, as a 3 yo does... "My gosh Mummy, your bottom is sooooooo big, it takes up the whole hole!". Just held my head high as we left to the giggles (& empathy of every other mum in the queue!)
Final score:
4points
#176
You just reminded me the other day when my 5 year old son announced to the entire Burger King. GIRLS HAVE CHINAS AND BOYS AND HAVE A PENIS
#177
We were walking through a farmer's market with my daughter who was a toddler at the time, when she suddenly got very excited and started running. She ran up behind a really large woman wearing a black and white "moo-moo" and started yelling "MOOOOOOOOO! MOOOOOOO!" Wanted to die.
#178
Happened a couple weeks ago. My wife, daughter (4), and I were riding an escalator up at Nordstrom's. My wife somehow tripped and muttered, shit! My daughter sees the children's section and beelines, screaming SHIT I WANT SOME SHOES MOM! SHIT SHIT SHIT!
#179
Something I did when I was about 4 or 5... My aunt had taken me into the restroom, and told me to stand in front of her stall so she could see my feet. I don't remember this, but apparently I said "Hey, Diane! A fat lady just walked in!" She told me to shh, but I just replied "But, she's REALLY fat." Poor lady...
#180
I am a woman who met my ex when she was pregnant with my son--his biological father has always been a pretty bad element in our lives. On one of my visit days with my son, we went to Hobby Lobby, a pretty Christian establishment that has an awesome selection of model cars. I had bought my son a Big Gulp and he of course downed it and needed to pee. When he goes, it takes forever because he for some odd reason disrobes in order to pee. After 15 minutes we finally finished and headed to checkout, and he starts whining about needing to pee again. I tell him to wait until we finish checking out and he yells, "It's okay, I'll just pee in this cup!" As I'm trying to stop this, the uber-Southern Christian checkout lady laughs and says, "His daddy must be a trucker." My son looks her square in the eye and says, "No, my Daddy's an asshole." As I try to provide damage control, I blurt out, "No, his other mother taught him that!" She fixed me with a death stare. I never returned to Hobby Lobby.
#181
My 3 year old recently asked "Mommy, Let me see your penis!" while we were outside in our front yard. As per proper protocol of not divulging more information than required, I responded with "Mommy doesn't have a penis." Unfortunately, he was not happy with that response and began chanting to see my penis and tried to physically pull my pants down to look. Thank goodness for maternity pants and being 9 months pregnant at the time to block his access!
#182
Not my own child, but my sister. My entire family was at the airport going somewhere for the holidays. My younger sister, who was about 5 or so at the time, had never been outside of the Northeast United States, and as a result, hasn't really been exposed to many people who weren't white. So we were just waiting by the bathrooms at the airport when suddenly an African-American security guard walks by. My sister decides this is the opportune time to shout at the top of her little-kid lungs, "COOL, A BLACK GUY! WELL IT IS ALMOST MARTIN LUTHER KING DAY!" Apparently they had been learning about black history in school. My parents immediately began freaking out, apologizing to the security guard. He just smiled and walked away.
This wasn't my sister's last "incident", however. A few weeks later she decided to point out a "little person" at the grocery store. By exclaiming "Hey, look mom! A troll!" My parents stopped taking her out in public after that...
#183
My friends daughter walked in on her changing her pad in the bathroom. Later that day they're in the check out line & the daughter yells "MY MOMMY'S PEE PEE IS ALL BLOODY!" She left the cart & they went straight to the car.
#184
I was not there but my wife and my daughter when she was about 4 were in a book store. this was the mid 90s and I had a lot of those For Dummies books around looking into emerging technologies and on display at the store was a Sex For Dummies book. The kid says, "Look Mommy, Daddy has that book."
#185
One time, in the middle pf a store, my six-year-old blurted out, "I WANT TO BE A POLE DANCER!"
Grinnyface 22 7 years ago
Kjorn if the only thing you do with your life is to post discouraging and inappropriate comments on other people's posts I suggest seeing a therapist. :)
#186
When I was young around 4 or 5, my family took a trip to Yellowstone park. We went to go see the geyser old faithful, and me being the excited youngster that I was yelled at the top of my lungs, "SHE'S GONNA BLOW BABBY!". My parents quickly left after that.
#187
My three-year-old to my wife, loudly, in a busy restroom: "Mommy, your underwear looks like a cheetah!"
#188
In church, right at the elevation of the Host, my then four year old yelled, “Mom, did you know a cat’s butt is called an ANUS?”
#189
My nine year old daughter said “Dad, Mom said I’m like you. I don’t have any common sense. Is that true?”
#191
Friend's child announced to the restaurant, "drinking Coke, makes you bleed from your penis."
#192
When she was three, our eldest daughter proudly announced in her proudest, loudest voice "My granddad can cough from both ends at the same time." This was in church during a moment of silence.
meow point1 6 years ago
Farting isn't coughing. That's also funny because *my* granddad makes fart jokes a lot and he also has a wheezy throat.
#193
When I was about 4, I must have had some kind of infection or itch down there, and one morning at breakfast my dad's coworker came in to pick my dad up for work. I said, 'Hi, Don, my vagina hurts!' and he politely ignored me, but I kept saying it over and over and over. 'Don, can you
hear me? My vagina hurts!' Guess I just wanted some acknowledgement, but my parents just wanted to die. The poor guy was doing his best to pay no attention to me, but I was making it pretty difficult.
#196
After watching 'Austin Powers' one night, I took her out to dinner. She saw a short person and yelled out "Look Mama!! There's a midget! They smell like cabbage!!" I hung my head to try to hide my laughter and get my composure then said to the crowd staring..."Sorry, we just watched 'Austin Powers'" then asked for a booth...in the very back....
#197
We were standing in the elevator and my daughter pointed to a lady and said: "mommy who is that crazy lady?"
#198
For about a month after my daughter was born, my son(who was 3.5 years old) would introduce us by saying "This is my mommy, and this is my daddy, and this is my baby sister. She drinks BREAST MILK FROM MOMMY'S BOOBIES. HAHAHAHAHAHA!"
#199
When my daughter was in elementary school, I would wait until she went to bed to watch R-rated movies. She said, in mixed company, that mommy "watches adult movies after I go to bed."
#200
When my daughter was 6, she and I were in line at a gas station in a rough neighborhood. There were others in line you wouldn't be inclined to fuck with, I'll just put it that way. Britney Spears "I'm not a girl, not yet a woman" came on the radio behind the counter. My daughter blurted out "Dad! It's your song!" All I could do was look at everyone staring at me like "no, it's really not." I laughed about it so fucking hard once we got in the car....with the doors locked.
#201
In an overly crowded, quiet elevator, my son, who was four at the time, asked an old lady who was smiling at him, 'What are you looking at, weirdo!?'
#202
My son was in the van at the Walmart parking lot. I was taking him out when I pushed the buckle down and yelled, "OW! MY PENIS!"
I told him I was sorry if that hurt and before I could tell him to keep his voice down he says, "That's okay Dad. Sometimes you're just going to hurt my penis."
#204
The first time I recall being outed by one of my children was when my son was about 3. While in the checkout line at the grocery store, he looked at cashier and nonchalantly said, “My mommy walks around naked.” As if it made perfect sense in the context of buying juice boxes.
#205
Mom waits in line at the bank with her unruly young son and tells him if he doesn't behave he won't get ice cream later. Son replies "If we don't get ice cream I'll tell grandma I saw you kissing daddy's pee pee." Mom and son leave the bank in a hurry.
Final score:
3points
#206
When I was 8 my hamster died. I cried, but wanted to have a new one. My grandmother said: "Don't buy a new hamster. He will die in a few years and you'll be sad." I answered: "You are old and will die in a few years! So I don't want to see you anymore, because I could be sad too."
She cried...
Final score:
3points
#207
In an attempt to stop my 5 yr old daughter from biting her nails, I told her she would get fat if she kept doing it. Later on the bus avery pregnant woman got on and my daughter called out "I know what you've been doing!"
Final score:
3points
#208
While walking down the street once, behind a man with two of those metal prosthetic legs, my three year old went screaming up behind him saying "Mommy it's a transformer"
Final score:
3points
#209
I often let my three year old son win the games we played. But a hard lesson in life is that things don't always go your way. So one day I decided to win. This experience clearly affected him. Later on, while we browsed the aisles of a crowded supermarket, he suddenly shouted really loudly: "Don't beat me mummy. Don't beat me!"
Final score:
3points
#210
My son was 2 and as a Sikh gentleman with a long white beard walked past us he yelled "Mommy! Did you see that man?!" Cringing I said yes. He then yelled "His beard is BEAUTIFUL!" I heard the man giggling from the next aisle over.
Final score:
3points
#211
While walking to the corner shop with my 4yr old son, he spotted a woman nearby and asked me at full volume 'mummy what's that man doing?' As I hastened him away I explained that women can have short hair and men long hair (the woman in question had very short hair). Not too embarrassing I thought, until the following week walking to the same shop we crossed paths with the same woman and my son yelled 'look mum it's that man again!'
Final score:
3points
#212
We went on a cruise to Alaska, with my daughter who was 3 at the time. The boat was filled with large people.
We've been in the boat less than an hour, and I get into an elevator with my daughter and her eyes shoot wide open as she scans around the elevator. She tugs on my hand. "Daddy!" I know what she's going to say. "Not now sweetie." "Daddy!". "Ask me when we get out, ok honey?". "DADDY".
By this point everyone is staring at her urging her to talk. So she yells out for everyone to hear "Daddy! What are there sooooo many FAT people?" The remainder of the ride was awkward.
#213
My 8 year old climbed up on the base platform for a mannequin at a department store then proceeded to look me in the eye. I was quivering with fear for what he would do next. I learned how warranted my fear was when his hand slowly presses against the boob on the mannequin and slowly a smirk paints itself onto his face. His exact words, "I'm not supposed to touch this."
#214
My daughter does this out shopping all the time. She flips her shirt over her face and then says "I the booby ghost! oooooh"
#215
My wife & I with our 7 yr. old in a Chinese restaurant. My wife ordered & reminded the waitress she was allergic to coconut. I ordered and reminded the waitress I was allergic to mushrooms. My son ordered & decided to sum up all of our allergies including his - "she will have no coconut, he will have no mushrooms, and I will have no cat"!
#216
A friend's kid pointed at an old lady in the grocery store and shouted "she's gonna die soon!"
#217
At a crowded restaurant in my small, conservative hometown with my then 3-year-old, he dropped his fork and yelled "SON OF A BITCH" and everyone turned to stare at the bad parents.
#218
When we lived in toronto, my young, early reading and precocious son would holler 'Spadina rhymes with vagina!' whenever we passed the subway station. He thought it was hysterical.
#219
We were in line at the grocery store and my six-year-old saw a black guy and yelled, "Hey, look it's Obama!". We live in Idaho and he doesn't see many African Americans, but still.
#220
After biting his little sister, a friend of ours jokingly told our son, “sisters don’t taste good, but girlfriends do”. Much to my horror, he repeated it to his entire kindergarten class.
#221
My son told his sitter that he is a Clownfish, Nana is a mermaid, and Mama is a beluga whale.
#222
My daughter was at church with my wife. She went up to a friend and announced "I don't like you because you're big and fat". Mortified, my wife told her to apologise and to say she was sorry to which my daughter said "I'm sorry you're big and fat!"
#223
I took my son to get ice cream when he was probably 5 or 6. After we got the ice cream and walked back towards the car he saw a very obese man standing in line. With no warning he yelled "Hey big fat man going to get some ice cream!"
#225
My daughter (three years old) was sitting in a buggy at the grocery store when she saw an old lady behind us. Said `Look dad, it's a grumpy old troll!'... Something she picked up from Dora The Explorer.
#226
At the grocery store check-out, at 3 years old my daughter deadpans, "MOM. My toots smell SO much better than the guy in front of us."
#227
My 3-year-old daughter looked straight at a random man in Target and said, 'I have a vagina!'"
#228
In the bowling alley last year, my then 6-year-old comes over to me and hugs me, then yells out (with a lane full of men next to us), 'When I was a baby I used to suck on your boobs right?'
#229
Her Dad shouts, "Look, there's a dog coming!"
4 y/o says, "I want to eat it."
The owner heard that loud and clearly.
Final score:
2points
#230
Me at a young age on the bus with my mother... Look mum a fraggle!! While I'm pointing at the spiky red haired punk at the front of the bus... England 1986
Final score:
2points
#231
My son, who is now three, went through a stage where he was obsessed with Star Wars. He was a little over two when one day, on public transit, an elderly lady in a black, hooded coat boarded. Without any hesitation or voice modulation, my son yells, "LOOK MAMA!!! It's Emperor Palpatine!!!"
Final score:
2points
#232
Story l heard:
A little boy went to the loo with his mum during a wedding reception. Came back and announced loudly "l made a big pooh !".. Then added. "And Mummy too !".
Final score:
2points
#233
My daughter (not quite 3 at the time) and I were in a store buying a quilt and a young assistant wearing a fitted, high waisted skirt, was helping us. My daughter turned to her and asked, very loudly "is there a baby in your tummy?"
Mortified , I quickly started lying and telling the girl that my sister in law was pregnant and my daughter asked everyone that question. The girl laughed and said "no sweetie"
My daughter stared a bit longer and then asked her "is it just a big tummy?"
I died.
Final score:
2points
#234
I had a babysitter when I was younger, she was a family friend so when I was leaving she'd often kiss me on my cheek.
She had an unfortunate mass of facial hair that went unspoken of between my parents, and apparently one day I blurted out "you feel like my daddy when he hasn't had a shave".
#236
When I was born, I weighed a whopping 10lbs. When my mum first told me, I didn't get it, I started telling everyone that I cost 10 pounds!! I thought she had bought me.
Final score:
1point
#237
At around 2 and a half my son knew more Star Wars trivia than your average adult. One day on public transit an elderly lady in a black, hooded coat boarded and just as she passed by us, with his eyes as big as saucers, my son yells, "Mama!!!! It's Emperor Palpatine!!!"
Final score:
1point
#238
My daughter had to change into her sports outfit in a common changing room at school once. No idea what she was thinking, but she said to the whole group: " Don't look at my butt, okay?" and pulled down her underwear. One second later she realised and the whole group laughed. What a day!
Final score:
1point
#239
When my brother was 5, every man he saw he would call daddy and our mom would have to tell everyone that he does in fact know who his father is.
Final score:
1point
#240
It happened to a friend of mine. Her husband was driving the family car and had hit the breaks fast. He was angry and shouted "FAG!". His older son (around 6) was in the car and since then, everytime his father had to hit the breaks he souted "FAG!".
Final score:
1point
#241
Passing a live nativity one Christmas my 4 year old granddaughter states, "there's Jesus and his girlfriend". I died laughing!
Final score:
1point
#243
First week in first grade (age 7) I asked my middle aged married teacher is she has condoms in her purse because every respectable woman should have in their purse. Made my mom "proud"
Final score:
0points
#244
When I was really little, probably around 3-4 (a bit after the movie Rock-a-doodle came out, which is about a chicken version of Elvis). I was from a REEEEALLY small town that didn't really have goths or punks or anything, but my dad and stepmum lived in a flat in the city. So I was with my stepmum on the elevator heading out and this guy gets on with a HUGE red mohawk. I got so excited I looked like I'd pass out, tugged on my stepmum's coat and kept LOUDLY saying "him looks like Rock-a-doodle!"
Final score:
0points
#245
When I was at a holiday camp when I was young, I was called up on stage and they asked me where my hair had gone? (It was shaved) and I said "My mum took it"! 😂
Final score:
0points
#246
I got my period unexpectedly when out shopping with my 4yo son, and had to bring him into the toilet with me to sort it out. Of course he felt the need to yell "Oh my God there is blood everywhere!!!" loudly enough for everyone in that public restroom to hear.
Final score:
0points
#247
Years ago I took my four year old daughter to watch a wedding.When the minister came to the door to greet the bride,in a loud voice, she said..."Is that God?"
Then the bridal car pulled up and the Dad stood beside the bride,once again the loud voice...."That man is too old to be marrying her".
Chuckles all around.
Final score:
0points
#248
Walking down the hall in a hospital & an elderly woman sleeping on a gurney is wheeled past us. My 3 year old shouts at the top of his lungs, "look mommy! Somebody's dead!"
Final score:
0points
#249
When my oldest son was 4, he thought going under a yellow light was the same as running a red light. I don't do this often, but it seemed to happen a few times in a row. A real police officer was standing in front of Wal-Mart, and my son told him I run red lights all the time. He laughed, but I didn't and told my son not to say those things. A few days later he saw the same cop and said, "I'm not going to tell you what my mom does." I was so embarrassed.
Final score:
0points
#250
My oldest son was very curious about the differences of male and female bodies. Being a nurse, I wanted to educate him and use medically correct words. I showed him an illustration in a medical text, with all the proper parts labeled. He learned there is the vagina, anus, and urethral opening. I told him the functions. The next day he was coming home in the vehicle of a friend he carpooled with and blurts out of nowhere, "do you know girls have 3 holes?" Explaining that to my friend was fun.
Final score:
0points
#251
When my son was young, we would go for walks and pet random dogs. I found it easier to call them "mutts" than to say what their breeds were because my son had some troubles with his words.
One day, we went by a woman with a cute little dog; I can't remember the breed but it was an expensive dog. My son went up to her and said, "Lady, I really like your mutt!"
Final score:
0points
#252
Final score:
0points
Eva Monroe (Submission author) 8 years ago
Trying to edit this for errors but don't know how. GRR
#253
When me and my cousin were in town we were waiting in line at the warehouse there was a transgender in front of us and my cousin seeing just the back side I was like this oh that's a nice skirt and then the lady turned and gave my cousin 1 of those Chupa Chups when she was handing it to my cousin my cousin screamed and yelled someone help a man is forcing me to eat has food a man in a dress is wanting me to eat his food help me
Final score:
0points
Makeisha Johnson 5 years ago
I think this one is a little difficult to read without the punctuation, but I still get the jiff of it.
#254
Happened last year while taking a stroll in a park which had some statues in. Of course, one statue was of a bare chested woman. My little brother runs up to the statue and screams "Just like yours mommy! Boobies like yours mommy!" while pointing and touching the statues breasts. I almost wet myself.
Final score:
0points
#255
I teach the 3 year olds at my church. One fine Sunday, I'm taking a little girl to the bathroom, and she looks up at me and asks, "are you pregnant?" VERY LOUDLY. I had to awkwardly say "no, I'm just fat."
Final score:
0points
#256
We were in the hospital visiting someone, and my 5 year old girl saw a patient being wheeled into the surgery room - with her worried family looking on.
In her loudest voice she asked me "Is she dying or is she dead already?".
Final score:
0points
#257
Not me but my little sister (she is about 6-7 at the time). Was in the supermarket with my mum, dad and little sister at the check out line the cashier is scanning things through and as she scans a packet of mushrooms through my little sister yells at the top of her voice are those magic mushrooms!
Final score:
0points
#258
At a Drug & Alcohol lecture in my 7 year old daughter's class, she announced that, "My Daady does cocaine!" I get called into the school for interrogation the next morning. Children/Youth Services is tending to her as I'm being interviewed. I ask to speak to her. They reply, "Only under our supervision!" I agree. They bring her in, and I ask her why she said I do cocaine. She said, "You KNOW, Daddy... that can with the silver lid!" It was Copenhagen!
Final score:
0points
#260
I was around 5 and going to mass for the first time. My mom whispered to me that it was important to be quiet in church. I noticed a guy at the front speaking loudly. I stepped out into the aisle and yelled at him to shut up. It was the priest....
Final score:
0points
#261
Staying with Aunty Jessie - a very saintly woman, much loved by her younger siblings.
I drag everyone in from the garden to hear 'aunty Jessie's song' on the radio.
'If ever a devil was born,
without a pair of horns,
it was you,
Jezebel, it was you.'
She was not amused.
Final score:
0points
#262
At a family party (I don't even know most of the family who was there) and my nephew (5) comes up to me and loudly asks if I have a penis. I try to just ignore it and continue playing with the kids but he just kept asking if I had a penis. Eventually my mum just had to come up to him and explain that I was in fact a male and that all males have penises. He then went around to most of the other males asking if they also had a penis.
Final score:
0points
#263
I had slight facial hair and my nephew asked me are you a man? your a man arent you? I said in a calm voice no Im not. It took him ages to realise I wasnt he'd ask every now and again are you a man? And when I told him months/year or two later sometimes women have facial hair but it doesnt mean their a man he had this adamant look on this face he was right and didnt like what he was being told he wasnt convinced . I think if I remember correctly he asked if I have a willy and if I pee like a guy
Final score:
0points
#264
When my daughter was 2 her daddy and I started talking about the movie "Constantine". In the premise of the move only a descendant of the solider that speared Jesus and gave the wound that killed him could kill the son of Satan. I made the comment if they knew his identity imagine always being known as descendant of man that killed Jesus. Only phrase the 2 year old got was "I killed Jesus". We had to bribe for 2 days for her to stop saying it.
Final score:
0points
#265
While out for brunch at Golden Coral my father told my nephew to point at the ground and shout "cock roach" - it took .05 seconds for that 3 year old to stand very tall in his seat and shout, "COCKROACH! COCKROACH! COCKROACHIES!"
Final score:
0points
#267
My brother used to be so freaking cute when he was a baby, people would often tell him how handsome he was since he didn't like to be called cute. Once at Walmart a lady came and said to my mom: "ohhh he is so cute". My brother frowned his eyebrows, took his baby bottle out of his mouth and said angrily to the woman: "I am not cute, I am handsome", and he said this angrily. My mom and I felt embarrassed but the woman found it even "cuter"...
Final score:
-2points
#268
when I was about 5 I had been in the restroom.apparently I had read the walls and was a curious kid,so in a very very loud voice I walked up to my mom and asked her what F88k means.
Final score:
-2points
#269
I dont believe all these answers. Theresentment alot about kids sayin pens and vaginas. It's mostly made up by adults.
Final score:
-4points
Lauren Caswell 8 years ago
I agree that some stories are clearly made up, but as a mum of a wee boy I can assure you they are fascinated with their privates, and tend to ask their questions full volume. The majority of these posts made me laugh, the fakes are simple to spot and just scroll past
What do you think ?
Yvonne Bernal 8 years ago
When I was a child, there was an afternoon talk show on t.v. The beginning of every show the host would have 4 kids sitting on tall chairs. All too often the host would ask the children "What is the one thing your parents told you NOT to tell us here today?" The answers were hilarious... just as some of these were today. *Thank you Bored Panda for my morning chuckle
Doug Martin 8 years ago
When my daughter was 4 she told me that she really liked the little black girl in her class. I was very humbled and my heart fluttered a bit. She followed up by saying all brown people are nice because they are made from chocolate and that's why her little friend was so sweet.
Daria B 8 years ago
These are cute and funny and all (well, for us at least, who haven't been there at that moment). But I do hope the parents of those kids pointing out at somebody and shouting things (no matter if what they say is actually not as offensive) teach their kids not to do that simply because it's bad manners and the person might not always find it funny. Being an ethnical minority myself, I had some certain experiences where the accompaining adults would just laugh it off at their kids calling me a pig, for example, instead of telling them that's not nice. That attitude hurt more than being called names.
Yvonne Bernal 8 years ago
When I was a child, there was an afternoon talk show on t.v. The beginning of every show the host would have 4 kids sitting on tall chairs. All too often the host would ask the children "What is the one thing your parents told you NOT to tell us here today?" The answers were hilarious... just as some of these were today. *Thank you Bored Panda for my morning chuckle
Doug Martin 8 years ago
When my daughter was 4 she told me that she really liked the little black girl in her class. I was very humbled and my heart fluttered a bit. She followed up by saying all brown people are nice because they are made from chocolate and that's why her little friend was so sweet.
Daria B 8 years ago
These are cute and funny and all (well, for us at least, who haven't been there at that moment). But I do hope the parents of those kids pointing out at somebody and shouting things (no matter if what they say is actually not as offensive) teach their kids not to do that simply because it's bad manners and the person might not always find it funny. Being an ethnical minority myself, I had some certain experiences where the accompaining adults would just laugh it off at their kids calling me a pig, for example, instead of telling them that's not nice. That attitude hurt more than being called names.
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