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287 Funny White Lies Parents Tell Their Kids

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Telling little white lies to your child every now and then is certainly not a bad thing. In some cases, namely, that of Santa Clause and the Tooth Fairy, bending the truth can inspire a sense of wonder in a kid's mind - and keep them on their best behavior if they know presents under the tree are at stake. Other times, these little lies are simply the only way to get stubborn, critical young minds to move in the right direction.

Using "alternative facts" in raising kids, however, can occasionally misfire. If your young detective catches you in a lie, you're in hot water. "Kids globalize and say, ‘My parent is a liar. Are they also lying about loving me?’" Canadian parenting expert Alyson Schafer told The Washington Post in 2015. On the importance of owning up to your funny lies, and making up for it, though, she added that “making a mistake gracefully is a really important parenting skill.”

In other words, as long as you make sure to backtrack and let them know that eating watermelon seeds won't actually turn them into a watermelon before they make it to high school, you're in the clear. A heartfelt apology and an ice cream cone also never hurt anyone.

Check out some of the most clever and funny things to say to your kids below, and if you still need more inspiration, you can find our previous post on this here. Also, don't forget to add yours to the list!

This post may include affiliate links.

#1

"I've always been pretty fascinated with space. When I was a little girl, my dad would take his ladder and put it on our lawn every night, and bring my outside to tell me he put the moon up for me. I believed him for years. He passed away a few years ago,and every night when I see the moon I think of him."

Final score:

336points

John L 7 years ago

She has her own personal fairy tale to remember from a loving father, long after facts reared its ugly head. :D

102points

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#2

My mom brainwashed me as a kid. She put all of the candy out in the open and told me I could eat it whenever I wanted, but she'd hide the vegetables and tell me I could only eat them as a special treat at dinner. It worked. When I was six, I asked if I could have a bowl of Brussels sprouts for my birthday instead of a cake.

Final score:

310points

John L 7 years ago

No little White Lie there. Just great marketing on the part of Mom. :D

133points

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#3

I was told that every person gets 10,000 words per month. If you reach the limit, you can't physically speak until the new month begins. Anytime I was especially talkative, Dad would say, "Careful now, I have to think you are up over 9,000 by now." That would shut me right up.

Toastwaver Report

Final score:

248points

Kwaku 7 years ago

hahahahhahahhahhhahahaaaaaaa

66points

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#4

My dad said if I could look after a special growing rock, and watered it each day until it stopped growing I could get a dog. I'd water it and every week, while I was at school he'd replace it with a slightly bigger rock.

AppleChiaki Report

Final score:

219points

Rosa Kim 7 years ago

that is actually so fricking precious of the dad to replace the rock every week <3

100points

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#5

Parents used to tell my only brother and I that we used to have another brother who turned into a mushroom from not taking a bath. Even added him to the family albums.

Abacazam Report

Final score:

205points

John L 7 years ago

....and since nobody wants to be turned into a mushroom, Voila,.."When can I take my bath Mommy?!". :O

47points

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#6

"If the ice cream truck is playing music it means they have run out of ice cream."

Final score:

181points

troufaki13 7 years ago

Cruel

83points

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#7

We got our daughter to eat fish by calling it "Argentinian Chicken". That worked for a long time until grandma came along and f*cked it up.

effthegreen Report

Final score:

178points

John L 7 years ago

Well of course, its really either Newfoundland or Icelandic chicken. Everybody knows that. :D

43points

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#8

My grandma told us that smelling each others farts would make us stronger. Worst Christmas ever for us, funniest Christmas for her.

pillowcurtain Report

Final score:

164points

John L 7 years ago

Grandma was a dirty minded old fart, wasn't she? LOL!

78points

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#9

My mother told me that spinach would make me strong like popeye and if i ate it i could lift the house. I would have a few spoonfulls and then she'd rush outside with me and i'd try and lift the house, squeezing my eyes shut with the effort. She'd go "It moved! It moved! Quick, eat some more!" and i'd run back inside and finish it off.

Final score:

158points

John L 7 years ago

Quick now, is this a case of 'blatant lying', 'good marketing', or 'wonderful parental involvement'?

55points

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#10

When I was little my Dad told me that toys grew under the weeds in the yard and if I pulled them, eventually a toy would pop out. And I believed it for a long time.

Final score:

151points

Alusair Alustriel 7 years ago

Especially if a toy "magically" popped up every now and then ;)

53points

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#11

My grandpa told me, when driving on the highway, that the fastest way to count all of the cows in a field is to count all the legs, and then divide by 4. It took me many, many years to figure out that my grandpa was a huge troll.

yellowfish04 Report

Final score:

121points

John L 7 years ago

He was teaching you how to be fast on your feet with addition and division. lol!

37points

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#12

My mother was a genius: She told us that brown M&M'S were only for adults, so whenever we encountered a brown M&M we would give it to her.

Sara Tardif Report

Final score:

120points

Olivia W 7 years ago

Need to tell my future kids this! The brown ones are my favourite!

30points

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#13

When I was a kid I was really interested in dinosaurs, but also afraid of them. I would have trouble going to sleep because I was worried that one might just appear and eat me, even though I knew about extinction.
My mom convinced me that the asteroid theory had been questioned, and the next likely theory was that there had been an explosion of liquid vanilla that killed them all off. She proceeded to fill a spray bottle with vanilla extract and put it in my room, and taught me to spray it in each of the corners of my room before I went to bed, saying: North, South, East, and West, dinosaurs, take a rest!
I believed that this was the only thing keeping me safe for quite a while.

willfill Report

Final score:

120points

Paul K. Johnson 7 years ago

I work at an inpatient psych facility. For the longest time we were getting meth users who many came in believing they had snakes in their hair. I think they all used the same batch because I've never heard anyone say that since. Anyway, what worked for a lot of them was when I gave them 'Snake-Killing Shampoo'. The first time I did it I thought they'd tell me I was an idiot but it worked more times than not and people would settle down.

15points

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#14

The funniest one I heard was a father who was asked about coconuts in a store by his son. He said:
"Don't go near those son...those are bear eggs..."

werd_the_ogrecl Report

Final score:

119points

Agnes Jekyll 7 years ago

I wonder why he didn't want his kid touching the coconuts?

23points

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#15

"The door is locked because mommy was helping daddy hang a picture behind the door and we didn't want you to open it and hit us." God damn how many times you guys are hanging pictures behind the door at night.

daveed2001 Report

Final score:

117points

John L 7 years ago

Not only that, but they really did get excited about their picture hanging, didn't they?

56points

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#16

My dad told me if I ate my spinach if get hair on my chest like Popeye. So here I was a small girl wolfing down my spinach hoping I'd get hair on my chest, when I got older and realized I wasn't supposed to get hair on my chest my dad laughed at me.

needstherapy Report

Final score:

114points

EmmaLyn Field 7 years ago

oh thats precious

28points

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#17

My dad, a 2-3 pot a day coffee drinker , had me convinced at age 7 that you had to be 16 to buy and drink coffee. My first time at Starbucks when I was 16 I was so nervous because I thought they would card me! Lol

Final score:

113points

Stijn V. 7 years ago

Kids don't need coffee anyway

62points

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#18

Babies were bought from the hospital. Women had to get really fat to prove that they could afford eating well, and therefore, afford having a baby.

sweetiepi Report

Final score:

113points

Aunt Messy 7 years ago

Until I was about six, I firmly believed that if you wanted a baby, you just went to a health unit and picked one out. Both of my siblings were adopted, and at that time, that's what you did. I distinctly remember my brother being brought out of a room and handed over to my parents.

68points

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#19

When she was small, I told my daughter that when she lied a red spot would appear on the middle of her forehead. I knew for sure it worked when she did indeed lie and then her hand went up to cover her forehead.

Final score:

112points

$copper-fractions avatar$

Tiny Dynamine 7 years ago

Very clever!

35points

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#20

They don't sell replacement batteries for that toy.

Final score:

107points

Jeremie Guerra 7 years ago

I used that one ^^

28points

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#21

My dad always told me, that if I press a certain button on our remote control our tv would explode. As I grew older, I was curious and pressed said button only to see he saved porn channels on this one

lisasavestheworld Report

Final score:

99points

Harley 7 years ago

😱😱😱😱

62points

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#22

One time when we were visiting relatives in the UK, I was playing outside and a bee got near me and I freaked out. Mom off-handedly said, 'It's OK, honey, British bees don't sting' to get me to calm down. Fast-forward ten years, when as a teenager I repeated that fact within earshot of my mom, and she said 'Who told you such a stupid thing?' You did, Mother. You did.

Olivia Belton Report

Final score:

97points

Olivia W 7 years ago

I'm British and I've never been stung by a bee. Maybe it is true.

59points

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#23

"We have to leave the zoo now. The zookeeper called my cellphone and your crying is upsetting the animals."

liesitellmykid Report

Final score:

94points

LilicatUK 7 years ago

I'm going to use that one on everyone else's kids :D

42points

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#24

"We aren't French so you can't eat French fries from McDonalds."

Mr_Milenko Report

Final score:

88points

Sheralyn 7 years ago

This is sheer brilliance.

32points

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#25

My father always said the animals on the side of the road were just taking a nap since the road was warm.

ThatLurkerGuy Report

Final score:

87points

Harley 7 years ago

This one makes more sense

36points

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#26

My dad used to tell us that if we lay perfectly still in the backyard for long enough then vultures would circle us and then land to try and eat us. My brother and I would lay silently in the backyard for hours while my dad sat inside watching TV and drinking beer. Well played dad....well played.

Braden0732 Report

Final score:

84points

Greg Hoggarth 7 years ago

Why the hell did you want to be eaten by vultures?

73points

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#27

If I eat my green beans then I will turn into the Green PowerRanger when I am older. THAT NEVER HAPPENED MOM!

Final score:

79points

$copper-fractions avatar$

Tiny Dynamine 7 years ago

Duh! It takes a minimum of 15 years until it happens. Stick with it!

44points

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#28

My dad said Pulp Fiction was a documentary about oranges so that I wouldn't want to watch it.

Final score:

74points

Ricky Couture 7 years ago

No, that's "Pulp Fact". "Pulp Fiction" is about a boy who travels to New York in a giant orange after his parents get eaten by elephants.

43points

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#29

My dad would never tell us what he really did for a living. He’d always say 'I used to paint the spots on dalmatian dogs, but I got really good and now I paint the spots on ladybirds.’ I believed him for a good couple of years.

victoriaj49 Report

Final score:

74points

Cassie 7 years ago

Mine always said, "I'd tell you, but then I'd have to kill you". *eyeroll*

32points

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#30

Story time: In kindergarten a girl told me what sex was. She told me incorrectly so I had a bunch of questions. I walked up to my mom and said "mom, I know what sex is." she sort of panicked and said "ok" I responded "I just dont understand how you know when you are done?" (I am a girl and didnt understand the concept of ejaculation) so my mom looked me straight in the face and said "You set a kitchen timer."
and. she. never. f*cking. told. me. the. truth.
I found out in high school.

iwannabefreddieHg Report

Final score:

74points

Rina Bohland 7 years ago

haha ich kann nimmer

19points

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#31

My mom told my brother and I that a penguin lived behind the fridge, and if we left the door open too long we'd steal his cold and he'd get mad and come out and bite us. It worked on my brother. I asked my mom to move the fridge so I could pet the penguin.

khaelbee Report

Final score:

71points

LilicatUK 7 years ago

That'd be me too, how awesome would be to have a pet penguin!!!

33points

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#32

The car won’t start if your seat belt isn’t on.

Final score:

70points

Naima Ivansdóttir 7 years ago

this is excellent

28points

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#33

I refused to eat eggs when I was younger. The only way my mum could get me to eat them would be to draw green and purple spots on them and tell me they were dinosaur eggs. Apparently I thought dinosaur eggs were delicious.

emma-maym Report

Final score:

68points

Daria B 7 years ago

Tastes like chicken. ^_-

35points

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#34

That if I misbehaved in the car, the car would be sad (I think I was 5 or something). Fast forward a year and I'm tearfully telling the car that I'm sorry he has to go, but I'm sure he'll be a cool plane in his next life.

Dutchdachshund Report

Final score:

67points

-- 7 years ago

aww

28points

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#35

"I want to carry you but the doctor said your legs would stop growing if you didn't walk."

liesitellmykid Report

Final score:

67points

Josie Coffman 7 years ago

oh my gosh, brilliant

28points

#36

"If you pee in the pool, you'll get the girls pregnant and have to get a job."

Mr_Milenko Report

Final score:

66points

Agnes Jekyll 7 years ago

We were told that a chemical had been added to the water that would make our pee go bright green

46points

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#37

As a child, I used to have the worst luck. whenever my sister and I would have froot loops, she only got a couple brown ones, and almost my whole bowl was brown froot loops!
the first time I poured my own froot loops, I actually considered that god might be real, and that he might be trying to reward me for something. I didn't get a single brown froot loop!
when I told my mom, she admitted there was no such thing as brown froot loops and that she had been giving me bowls of cheerios because I'm diabetic.

ididntknowiwascyborg Report

Final score:

65points

Rita Maneata 7 years ago

Why she didn't just give you both Cheerios, I'm not sure...

7points

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#38

I was made to believe that the city of Amsterdam was actually called Hamster Jam.

Final score:

64points

John L 7 years ago

That's the same place where 'wartpeckers' and 'dalmation cows' are also found living. ;D

17points

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#39

I told both of my kids that the ice cream truck was the "music truck." It's purpose was to drive around and cheer up all the sad people.

No_Filter217 Report

Final score:

63points

$copper-fractions avatar$

Tiny Dynamine 7 years ago

That's actually a nice idea!

26points

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#40

A trick my mom used to get us out of her hair was "You can catch a bird by putting salt on its tail". I'd spend hours running around the yard with a salt shaker, looking like a damn fool. I tried this trick on my son and he just looked at me like I was nuts

TinglyThing Report

Final score:

61points

Jay Berkman 7 years ago

When my son was six, he saw a rabbit in my parent' yard and asked how to catch it. I told him that as you put salt on a bird's tail, pepper should work on a rabbit. He grabbed a pepper shaker and ran outside, trying to get close enough to that rabbit to pepper it. He's s 37 now and still hasn't forgiven me.

40points

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#41

My mother told me that our house wasn’t haunted because ghosts were too expensive and we couldn’t afford them.

ellien488741763 Report

Final score:

59points

SparklyCuckoo 7 years ago

I love this one!

20points

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#42

My kids are convinced that they have a long lost brother somewhere that I dropped off because he was too loud in the car. I am sure they will figure it out but for the time being our road trips are very quiet and peaceful.

Final score:

58points

Daria B 7 years ago

Heh, just make sure they don't talk about it with a "kind stranger" who might have serious concerns... ^_^"

38points

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#43

The rumble strips on the highway are for the blind drivers. Took me seven years to realize. Well played, Dad.

Anthem12891 Report

Final score:

56points

Samantha Wirral 7 years ago

I love your Dad!

14points

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#44

When I was about six, I was obsessed with the song "Believe" by Cher and I would have it on repeat for hours at a time. We would drive nine hours from Washington to Idaho to visit family and as soon as we crossed the state line my mother would immediately change my CD to radio and tell me it was illegal to listen to anything but country music in Idaho – which I hated but she loved. I believed that shit until I was about 13.

baileykristineee Report

Final score:

56points

Shari H 7 years ago

This is why the walkman was invented.

21points

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#45

I told my kids that if they didn't behave while waiting in the drive-thru line, they'd get a Sad Meal.

Final score:

52points

meow point1 6 years ago

Still better than no meal at all.

7points

#46

When they want something that is beyond reason, I tell them they can have it if they kiss their elbow.
My 9 and 7-year-old daughters are over it but my 5-year-old son still tries like his life depends on it.

kudzukosh Report

Final score:

52points

Olivia W 7 years ago

Luckily my left arm's bone is weird which make the arm shorter. I can kiss my elbow like it's nothing. Now where's my new house?

42points

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#47

A friend allows her little kids to watch 1 hour of TV a day. Where their hour is up, she turns off the TV's power bar without them noticing and tells them "the TV's empty" which they believe because the remote no longer works.

Final score:

51points

Susan Gardner 7 years ago

That's pretty cool

9points

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#48

My dad used to tell me that Santa was tired of cookies and milk and that he wanted Doritos and beer. That went on for years.

Final score:

49points

ADHORTATOR 7 years ago

I told my son the same story, but "our" Santa wanted Whisky :-)

21points

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#49

I was told that the reason why I had so many nose bleeds was because I had too much blood in my body. I found out that this wasn't the case when I was 18 years old and had a nose bleed at a friend's house. My friend's mother asked me if I was OK and I told her I was fine and that I just has too much blood in my body. She couldn't stop howling with laughter.

Joseph Brennan Report

Final score:

49points

Master Markus 7 years ago

EIGHTEEN!?!?

38points

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#50

My mom had me believe that she was 21 for the longest time, so when I was around 10 I asked 'when are you going to turn 22?'

gracefull Report

Final score:

48points

bloggergirl 7 years ago

awwwww

18points

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#51

When I was younger I drew a picture of an alien and I gave him a butt. I showed it to my dad and he told me drawing butts was illegal, so I quickly changed it. I remember reading Captain Underpants and being so confused how the author got it past the government.

gracefull Report

Final score:

47points

Omolara Adeyemi 7 years ago

so cute

14points

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#52

I'm Chinese. My mom told me that for every grain of rice I waste would indicate the number of "dents" on my face when I grow up.
From then on, even when I dropped a grain of rice on the floor, I would eat it. Never wasted a grain of rice ever again.

crazycat1 Report

Final score:

43points

Pei-Ying Pan 7 years ago

I was told that my future husband would have dents on his face - I have made the habit to not leave a grain behind and it's hard to change now!

22points

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#53

My mom told my sister that they only named hurricanes after girls otherwise they would be himicanes.

Kailslaw Report

Final score:

43points

Daria B 7 years ago

When we were young, we'd joke that a specific hurricane would get a specific name becauae a lady bearing that name farted so hard, of course. (No offense to the victims, just childishness)

27points

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#54

My flatmate grew up on a farm and was told by her parents that their TV only worked when it rained. She believed this for far, far too long.

Brian_is_a_tit Report

Final score:

42points

$copper-fractions avatar$

Tiny Dynamine 7 years ago

Well into her 50s!

12points

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#55

I dated a dude once who didn't find out until he was a teenager that you can actually eat more than one marshmallow a day. His parents told him that if you ate more than one they would expand in your stomach and kill you. I think he ate a lot of marshmallows after that.

Final score:

42points

$copper-fractions avatar$

Tiny Dynamine 7 years ago

I would have asked if his stomach expanded but clearly he's not with us any more. ;)

33points

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#56

My parents told us that on Christmas morning, if we looked or touched our presents before 7am then magic would make them disappear and we wouldn't get them. I believed this for far too long and even after I knew, I was still nervous to touch them incase they disappeared.

Final score:

41points

Aubrey Rae 7 years ago

Omg I do this too, only, I told them they couldn't get put of bed until the sun came up or the magic would go away and all the Christmas stuff would disappear. They are 10 & 12 now. It still works.

13points

#57

When I was little, my FAVOURITE restaurant was this one diner. My grandmother was coming into town, so naturally I wanted to take her to the diner. I asked my dad if we could go and he said that old people weren't allowed there. Obviously I found this totally offensive so I decided to boycott the place and never went back!

Abbie Israel Report

Final score:

41points

Dhanya Munro 7 years ago

You love granny's so much! That's Sweet

12points

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#58

I was once asked why a tree on my street was painted white. My dad said, "The government does that to show kids how far they can walk down the street without a parent."

Final score:

41points

Leoninus Fate 7 years ago

I wondered this for so long too, oddly it's for ants, so they won't climb it, my memory is s**t so I don't remember fully just that ants don't like the bright of it or something and it keeps them off......weird huh

14points

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#59

When I was a kid, I asked my father what it means if your 2nd toe is longer than your big toe. His answer: "It means that your great grandmother was a woman." I was satisfied with that answer at the time, but realized it was bullshit long before I became a doctor.

Final score:

37points

Susan Gardner 7 years ago

Oh Lord the things we believe lol

3points

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#60

My mother had me convinced that you had to say "open door" in order for automatic doors to open. I didn't think I realized that they opened automatically until I was like, eight.

Final score:

36points

Marty Sunderland 7 years ago

Look how powerful you were!

15points

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#61

Grandpa told me that there's a tube connecting my bellybutton to my butt, and that if I unscrew my bellybutton my butt will fall off.

Final score:

35points

Benny Lava 7 years ago

And if you screw it tighter as time goes by, you will always have a nice firm butt.

27points

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#62

"When you lie, your ears turn red." I covered my ears every time I lied.

Final score:

35points

meow point1 6 years ago

Lying about lying?

3points

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#63

If I didn't sit still during a haircut, the barber would cut my ear off. The worst part was that the barber would play along.

Final score:

34points

Paul K. Johnson 7 years ago

I think all boys are told that.

11points

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#64

My mother told me that my lips would turn purple if I kissed a boy. When I was in highschool I had kissed a boy at a football game and asked my friend for lipgloss to cover up the purple on my lips. She just laughed at me and I felt very embarrassed.

Twoten210 Report

Final score:

34points

Kjorn 7 years ago

awwww...

15points

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#65

I told to my 3yr old nephew that my sister's name is Potato. It's was 10 years ago, he still calling her that at every familly gathering.

WhySoFabulous Report

Final score:

34points

Aubrey Rae 7 years ago

My kids believe my uncle's name is Uncle Buck. 10 & 12 still dont know his name is Rodney.

4points

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#66

"If you don't read at least one book a week your brain will stop growing."

liesitellmykid Report

Final score:

34points

Ju Ju 7 years ago

That is actually true

22points

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#67

"Don't touch that. It'll turn into spiders."

CaptainRipp Report

Final score:

33points

Naima Ivansdóttir 7 years ago

nightmare fuel here

18points

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#68

My dad told me that I could not get a sundae because they were only sold on Sundays.

batrxsyxa Report

Final score:

33points

Susan Gardner 7 years ago

Well now, that makes sense lol

4points

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#69

My mother told me that the thunder was God rearranging His furniture.

sonia72quebec Report

Final score:

31points

Sheree Joubert 7 years ago

My parents would say that thunder was God bowling

23points

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#70

Whenever my mom would fart she would blame it on the ants in the house AND I BELIEVED HER.

shermans Report

Final score:

31points

ADHORTATOR 7 years ago

Where do you live....? You must have BIG ants there!

25points

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#71

"The candy next to the checkout line are not for sale."

Final score:

31points

Susan Gardner 7 years ago

If only.... I hate impulsive buying!

8points

#72

My mom's friend got tired of her kids eating her scallops when they went to restaurants, so she told them that scallops are dolphin balls.

justpickadamnname Report

Final score:

30points

Rita Maneata 7 years ago

But...scallops are delicious sea treats

9points

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#73

My dad told me that the reason old TV shows and movies were in black and white was because there was no colour in the world at the time. He said colour was invented part way through filming The Wizard Of Oz which is why it starts in black and white and then switches to colour.

mabelkmc Report

Final score:

30points

Emily G 7 years ago

I assigned my students a creative writing project. They wanted to set the story in the year 2000 and then wanted to know if we had color YET back then... o.O

25points

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#74

My ex's mother told her kids that they had to make sure they watched her (the mom) at all times to make she didn't get kidnapped.
Neither of her kids ever got lost or wandered away.

Life-in-Death Report

Final score:

30points

Marty Sunderland 7 years ago

I've told my grandkids to watch and hold my hand so I wouldn't get lost. Seems less scary than kidnapped.

22points

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#75

My mum tells my sister the Internet lady turns the Internet off at 6 pm every night.

Final score:

29points

Ale Viña 7 years ago

6 is night in usa? Wow

6points

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#76

My mother once told me not to swallow apple seeds because a tree would grow in my stomach. I actually believed her for a while.

Amy Susan Fisher Report

Final score:

27points

$copper-fractions avatar$

Tiny Dynamine 7 years ago

That's a very common one.

15points

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#77

My co-worker told her son, who is afraid of clowns, that ice cream trucks were driven by clowns. He heard that music and sprinted to his room. Evil genius of a parent.

argarlargar Report

Final score:

26points

Darth Vader 7 years ago

As someone with coulrophobia, this is pure evil.

13points

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#78

The cashier forgot to put your candy in the bag! Time after time...ugh.

Totesmcgotes702 Report

Final score:

26points

Robert Morson 7 years ago

That's just mean to cashiers.

10points

#79

Grew up in west Texas in the middle of no where with no street lights so my curfew was when it got dark. If I wasn't home before it was dark to eat dinner and get ready for bed, my mother would shout "You better get in here before the chupacabra gets you." And I would proceed to break world records running and riding my bike home and I would then "play it cool" when she saw me just briskly walking in the house. She even had me believing the sounds of cicadas was the chupacabra.

Final score:

25points

Rita Maneata 7 years ago

I feel like I was also pushed into fear of chupacabras as a child.

6points

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#80

Remember back in the '90s when the Gap had mannequins with no faces? Well, my parents used to tell my sister and I that if we misbehaved in the mall we would end up as one of the Gap kids with no faces.

adriannaa43fe4e474 Report

Final score:

22points

Keila Rivera 7 years ago

😂😂😂😂😂😂

11points

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#81

My mom told my younger siblings that when they tell a lie, they would grow "lie bumps" on their tongue. For years, any time she suspected they were lying, she just had to say "Let me see your tongue." Made it much easier to solve arguments where they both blamed each other.

Final score:

21points

Michele Caldwell 7 years ago

My grandmother told us our tongue would turn purple if we lied. I remember arguing with her that my tongue couldn't be purple because I wasn't lying! LOL NOT that it was BS just that I wasn't lying LOL

7points

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#82

When I was little, my mom told me Saltine crackers were called cookies. I loved ‘cookies’ and legitimately thought they were Saltine crackers for longer than I am willing to admit on the internet. One day I had a real cookie at a friend's house and knew instantly I had been hoodwinked! Luckily, my mom made delicious chocolate chip cookies to make up for the deception.

Final score:

21points

Susie Saint Charles 7 years ago

I thought crackers were cookies and bananas were candy until the grandparents finally were able to make the (fairly long) trip to visit and set me straight...

12points

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#83

Living on the West Coast, my friend would show the East Coast feed of the NYE count down to her kiddos. They were always in bed by nine. Brilliant.

komakozic Report

Final score:

21points

Linda Gulley 7 years ago

I always envied that! And all the awards shows.

4points

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#84

My dad convinced me that our last name literally translated to 'of Caesar' and that we were direct descendant of the rulers of Rome. I felt like a badass until I started taking Latin classes in middle school.

Final score:

21points

Master Markus 7 years ago

This would probably be funnier if we knew your surname.

42points

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#85

Santa had birds that watched me 365 days a year, and every child starts with 365 presents and every time you're bad his elves throw a present in the fire....
Now I was bad but not 358 presents worth of bad.

i-am-canadian-sorry Report

Final score:

21points

kat newt shulder 6 years ago

you got a lot still...8

0points

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#86

"If you don't behave the pilot will turn the plane around!"

Final score:

20points

Markus McCloud 7 years ago

Tell that to United Airlines! XD

4points

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#87

My friend's dad when he was little: "Hey buddy, have you been pushing your nipples in every night?"
"W-what?"
"You haven't been pushing them in?"
"Why would I need to?!"
"You know how mommy looks different? She has boobs, right?"
"Yes..."
"And men don't. Because we push our nipples in at night. But you haven't been"
Commence panic that lasts for several months...

loldemort7 Report

Final score:

20points

$copper-fractions avatar$

Tiny Dynamine 7 years ago

Haha, brilliant!

7points

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#88

"If you just tell the truth, you won't get in trouble."

MyMostGuardedSecret Report

Final score:

20points

M. M 7 years ago

lmao

7points

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#89

My Dad told me when I was really little that graveyards were just people farms

Final score:

19points

Benicio del Pilitch 7 years ago

halloween-awesome ! :D

6points

#90

I was told that if a centipede counted my teeth I would die. To this day, I close my mouth when I see a centipede. I'm over 40 years old.

yeah_i_got_it Report

Final score:

19points

Filip Piękny 7 years ago

interestingly enough, i was told the same would happen if an owl counted my teeth.

6points

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#91

As a kid my dad convinced me there was a species of mountain goat that had evolved with longer legs on one side so it could balance on steep slopes... I was a dumbass as a kid...

Final score:

19points

Caroline Espenschied 7 years ago

And there are left-legged ones and right-legged ones : if you want to catch one, you just have to hide under a bush, wait until one comes your way, jump out and shout "BOOOH!" : it will get scared, turn around and fall down. You'll just have to pick it up. :-)

16points

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#92

I told him all kid shows go to sleep at 8 just like him, and we have a timer set at 8 to turn the TV off automatically

Final score:

18points

Susan Gardner 7 years ago

Good job

5points

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#93

If you don't learn how to read, your voice disappears. This one worked surprisingly well, because my son came down with strep and it freaked him the f*ck out.

Mr_Milenko Report

Final score:

18points

#94

"If you don't wash your hands before you eat, your food will start to taste like poop."

Mr_Milenko Report

Final score:

18points

Wayne Wilson 7 years ago

My Mom tried this. My (then 12 year old) brother said the food always tasted like poop. Dad was not pleased.

6points

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#95

That Santa uses Christmas trees as spy beacons to make sure children aren't being naughty.

Code2211 Report

Final score:

18points

Tim Graham 7 years ago

Brilliant. I'm using that this year

7points

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#96

my mother told me i have to drink my milk everyday so i would get nice boobs....i have a D now!!
i tell my daughter she had to eat her broccoli for princess hair, carrots for my little pony eyes. she does not need big boobs i think....they just get in the way...thanks mom!

Final score:

18points

Annemarie Elshout

$copper-fractions avatar$

Tiny Dynamine 7 years ago

That's okay as we don't need to drink milk anyway after being a baby. It's a myth to support the dairy industry.

11points

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#97

"If you don't wipe your butt properly, it'll close up and you'll have to spit out your poop."

Mr_Milenko Report

Final score:

16points

coffee zombie 7 years ago

WTF! Can't unread that now, nor unsee it in my head.

36points

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#98

My mom used to tell me that 7-Eleven wasn't open until 11am.
Missed out on many a' slurpee.

PrairieKid Report

Final score:

16points

DancingToMyself 7 years ago

She was doing you a big favor.

3points

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#99

My kids have no concept of what coal is, so telling them Santa would leave it in their stocking was more work than it was worth. Instead I told them if they were naughty, Santa would let the reindeer poop in there.

CatPawSoup Report

Final score:

16points

Hoparduc Snowpanther 7 years ago

here we just get a bundle of sticks that the parents can beat the kids with (not physically, just in a representational way)

5points

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#100

As a kid I put a tooth in a plastic bag and slid it under my pillow for the tooth fairy. When my parents forgot to put money under my pillow, my dad said, 'You shouldn't have put the tooth in a bag. The tooth fairy couldn't smell it.

Final score:

16points

Kjorn 7 years ago

i remember one time i forgot too. i told him to put it back and the next night i change it for money and add a excuse letter from the fairy tales

10points

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#101

My father told me (and my Catholic cousin) that Easter was the day that Jesus rolled back the rock, and if he saw his shadow we'd have six more weeks of winter. My aunt was beyond pissed when my cousin broke that out at her first communion.

sunnynorth Report

Final score:

15points

$copper-fractions avatar$

Tiny Dynamine 7 years ago

It's actually based on a pagan ritual and was hijacked by the church. Look up as to why the date of Easter changes so much.

9points

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#102

My dad told me oil stains on the street were little kids that got run over because they didn't hold anyone's hand while crossing the street.

Final score:

15points

$copper-fractions avatar$

Tiny Dynamine 7 years ago

Whoa, that's brutal!

22points

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#103

"The brown cows weren't working today so we only have white milk."

liesitellmykid Report

Final score:

15points

Naima Ivansdóttir 7 years ago

and then this happens: http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/food-and-drink/american-chocolate-milk-brown-cows-study-us-dairy-innvoation-adults-a7793016.html

11points

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#104

"Your baby toe is the smallest because it was born last."

liesitellmykid Report

Final score:

14points

DancingToMyself 7 years ago

It should be the biggest one then.

1point

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#105

My aunt told my little cousin that after Halloween he would have to leave his bag of candy on the porch for some "Halloween spirit" to take.
She... or the spirit, would leave a gift in the mourning. So my cousin basically collected the neighbors candy to barter for some gift.

jakesyracuse Report

Final score:

13points

ELLIOT YANT 3 years ago

Omg! My parents did that with the switch witch! LMAO found out last year (I'm almost 12). now my mom sneaks me a few my brother's good candy!

0points

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#106

My dad convinced me it was illegal to play with a toy or game if you were not in the recommended age groups. For example, if it said, 'for ages seven and up' and I was six, then it was illegal for me to play with it.

Lilly Smith Report

Final score:

13points

#107

My father told me that pears were apples from outer space.

Final score:

13points

webbkitten 7 years ago

I told my son that broccoli was little trees.

5points

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#108

When I was little my mom told me that boogers were tiny pieces of my brain and I would get more and more dumb each time I picked them.

Cats_are_just_ok Report

Final score:

13points

DancingToMyself 7 years ago

And then you are the dumbest when it's a flue season (then the brain leeks from your nose) :p

2points

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#109

My dad would tell me that I had a brother named Steve who misbehaved all the time so one day, the raccoon clan came and took him away. He spent so much time with them that he became a raccoon. I told all my friends and teachers about this until in fourth grade, it hit me.

Final score:

13points

Emmie Lee 6 years ago

I wanna be a raccoon

5points

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#110

I convinced my son that I had eyes in the back of my head so I could we him and his brother misbehaving in the back seat while I was driving, a week later he wanted to comb my hair while sitting on the back of my chair, he took a really long time so I asked why, he said he was trying to see my eyes in the back of my head, I said I'm keeping them closed so you don't scratch them with the brush! He believed this for a couple of years then figured out I could see him in the rearview mirror!

Final score:

13points

Susan McNeely (Submission author) 7 years ago

Hey Zori, he was 5 years old, now he is 37 and owns his own glass blowing business.

8points

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#111

When my ex-girlfriend was a kid, she had misbehaved and her dad told her he was, "only going to buy her one boob when she grew up."

LedZacclin Report

Final score:

12points

Keila Rivera 7 years ago

😂

6points

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#112

"If you eat after 8pm you turn into a gremlin and the only way to stop the process of changing into one is to eat a vegetable."

donotclickjim Report

Final score:

12points

Benicio del Pilitch 7 years ago

this is pretty true, actually.

0points

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#113

Dad convinced us he had a special button to change red lights to green. Literally didn't realize he was bullshitting until I was 12.

dracarys_dude Report

Final score:

12points

Aubrey Rae 7 years ago

My dad blew at them!!!

6points

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#114

"I believed that it was illegal to have the lights on in a moving car."

cheyenneg48b4c3b30 Report

Final score:

12points

Leah Forgy 7 years ago

Oh man, me too!

4points

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#115

My friend's parents told him there was a big beautiful fish that lived behind the bathroom mirror, and if he used too much water, it would die.

Final score:

12points

Grace Smith 6 years ago

This is brilliant!!!!!!!!!!!!

1point

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#116

When we go on a road trip I'm going to tell my kids, "If you go to sleep, we'll take the shortcut."

YellowPudding Report

Final score:

12points

pikachu 7 years ago

i like how you are planning for the future

1point

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#117

i forgot one...

you have to eat your dinner with fork and knife . (knife on the right)...so you can join our King (The Netherlands) for dinner one day and dont look stupid

Final score:

12points

Annemarie Elshout

Hoparduc Snowpanther 7 years ago

my grandmother told me similar too only with King Mathias

4points

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#118

When my son feels there was horrible unjustice done to him, and cry, because a catroon was too short, there wasnt something in the store he "needed" or just because the change of summer -winter time, I tell him I will write very angry complain to ministry of cartoons, time or whatever is needed, to let them know we can't accept such awfull conditions they put us threw. Works for several years now .

Final score:

12points

Susan Gardner 7 years ago

Awwww

2points

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#119

My mom thought it was time for my younger sister (1.5 years old) to stop using her pacifier, but my sister couldn't sleep without it. So my mom made up a story and told her that the pacifier had to go home and spend some time with it's mom too. My sister believed it and told my mom to let the pacifier go back home. From then on, she never used it again but sometimes she will ask how the pacifier is doing. WELL DONE MOM!

Final score:

12points

Rita Maneata 7 years ago

That's actually brilliant and way less traumatic than pets "going to the farm."

8points

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#120

I’ve told my daughter that our local pizza place’s ovens broke so we couldn’t order pizza that day.

Final score:

11points

#121

Chuck E Cheese in only for birthday parties. You have to be invited to one to go there.

Final score:

11points

Victoria Harmon 7 years ago

Same here. Still to this day have never stepped foot in a Chuck E Cheese

5points

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#122

My mom told me that eating bread crusts would give me curly hair.

Ice_Burn Report

Final score:

11points

Cat Lady 7 years ago

My teacher told me they would help me learn to whistle

0points

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#123

My daughter was afraid of monsters at night, like all kids. So I gave her a potato masher and told her it was a magic stick that keeps monsters away if she sleeps with it by her pillow.

wellhushmypuppies Report

Final score:

11points

I❤️My cat 7 years ago

That's a good one peter bear!🤗

5points

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#124

My mom showed the video of me being born in reverse and said that that's what happens to children who misbehave.

lawlsquid Report

Final score:

11points

Annemarie Elshout 7 years ago

aaaa that is more worse for the mother

18points

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#125

Whenever the ice cream man came through my neighborhood and my father did not want to buy me ice cream, he would tell me that it was just the Beer Man and he'd let me know when the ice cream man actually was driving by. I never even realized the Beer Man was NOT a thing until I was much older.

caburrito Report

Final score:

11points

Naima Ivansdóttir 7 years ago

i wish it was true though

8points

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#126

"Sorry sweetie you can't watch any more Elmo videos, it's Elmo's bed time and he's sleeping now."

BukBasher Report

Final score:

11points

Amanda Levesque 7 years ago

lmao I use this one for my daughter

5points

#127

That if we jumped while on a plane, the plane would keep going and we would go flying backwards and slam into the rear wall.
It worked for years and kept us sitting quietly in planes until my older brother made me try to jump.

bigredfaithful Report

Final score:

11points

Jaiden 5 years ago

I want to do this

2points

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#128

My mom hated swimming, so she told me she was allergic to water. At a young age I just believed her, but as I grew older, I asked her how she bathes? To which she convincingly replied "I have special medication for that." Again I believed her. Until one very hot summer's day... she finally decided to swim, to which I freak out of course, thinking she'd die!!!

Final score:

11points

Sasy 7 years ago

awwwwww

4points

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#129

When I was a kid I was super sure that cats are the women of dogs...

Final score:

11points

Susan Gardner 7 years ago

They are! LMAO (just kidding)

2points

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#130

"If you eat enough vegetables, your body makes them taste like candy."

Mr_Milenko Report

Final score:

10points

Paul K. Johnson 7 years ago

I grew up eating a lot of sugar. Much of it was served up by my parents and grandparents. Some veggies ARE very sweet. I've wondered for a long time if I wouldn't think those veggies are sweet treats if I hadn't consumed so much sugar (and still do).

8points

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#131

My mom always asked my brother's kindergarten teacher what he had done during the day. Then, back at home, she would speak with him about these things, telling him that she had a special channel on her TV where she can watch him all day long.

Final score:

10points

Susan Gardner 7 years ago

OMG big brother always watching

3points

#132

My mom told me that when an earthquake happened, it was because our planet was fighting with another planet. I believed that crap until second grade.

Final score:

10points

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#133

My friend ripped open a handwarmer, and when the powder got on his hands his parents told him his hands would disintegrate by age 30. We looked up what disintegrate meant later that night, and he bawled hysterically while staring at his hands.

Final score:

10points

Grace Smith 6 years ago

Awww I wish I could of hugged you guys

1point

#134

My mom told my sister and I that Chucky, the evil murderous doll from the Child's Play series, lived in our A/C vents to get us to stop sticking cheerios in them.
I was terrified to go near vents well into adulthood.

Final score:

10points

Susan Gardner 7 years ago

Good one lol

3points

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#135

"You can only wear your Batman costume outside on Halloween and maybe on your birthday. It says so on the tag."

liesitellmykid Report

Final score:

10points

#136

My parents said if you play with your belly-button you'll pop like a balloon and fly around the room.

Final score:

10points

Benicio del Pilitch 7 years ago

that was super cute and funny !

4points

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#137

We would go blackberry picking behind our house in the summer. In order for us not to pick the green, unripe berries, my mom would tell us to only pick the dark ones because the green ones meant that a dog had peed on it.

We never touched the green ones.

Final score:

10points

Kim Lorton 7 years ago

Surprisingly, snakes also like blackberries, so always watch out for them, when picking them!

3points

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#138

My dad used to tell us amazing adventurous stories of when in 1944 he was in Klondike, fighting bears, eating wolves, living in a cave during the winter... Until we realised he was born in 1955 (oh, we live in Italy)... Amazing memories

Final score:

10points

Linda Zoccatelli

Benicio del Pilitch 7 years ago

he should've written children's books :)

8points

#139

I told my son, when I turned 34, that I went to the courthouse and had my age stopped . He gave me handmade birthday cards, wishing me a happy 34th birthday for many years. He is now older than me.

Final score:

10points

Susan Gardner 7 years ago

LMAO If only...

6points

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#140

"Oh no this isn't Cola it's black water you wouldn't like it."

Final score:

9points

Kjorn 7 years ago

but why you drink it?

4points

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#141

A fart is two turds whispering to each other.

bradgsanford Report

Final score:

9points

Tim Graham 7 years ago

well, technically...

3points

#142

I'll always remember when I had a pile of grated carrots on my plate. I didn't like carrots. I was told it was a big pile of cheese, and naive me decided to eat it. I was trolled by my own parents :(

Final score:

9points

Susan Gardner 7 years ago

Awwww

1point

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#143

I routinely tell this to children when they ask why the sky is blue:
"The sky is blue because we live inside the eye of a blue eyed giant named Macumba."

Final score:

9points

Tua Lilja 7 years ago

It is known.

8points

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#144

My parents hired an actor to pretend to be a drugged out version of myself from the future to scare me away from drugs.

shodan007 Report

Final score:

9points

Phillip Hösl 7 years ago

thats from southpark ...

30points

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#145

My mother told me that every time I lied, a piece of my tongue would fall off. She would convince me by putting a piece of meat on her finger (without me seeing), reach in my mouth and pull it out and show me. I'd cry for hours.

pandatitties Report

Final score:

9points

Darth Vader 7 years ago

That is traumatising LOL

9points

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#146

"Candy canes are the bones of rejected elves."

sethsethsethseth Report

Final score:

9points

Cheese 7 years ago

that's is super dark

16points

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#147

I told my Godchildren that my brother (who they called Uncle Fartypants) has such bad wind that he's not allowed on planes - because farting affects the air pressure and makes them crash

Final score:

9points

#148

Once (ok, more than once) I forgot to play "Tooth Fairy". My daughter was so upset, and I had to come up with something quickly. I told her she was a little on the older side of loosing her teeth. The Tooth Fairy always started with the younger ones, and she must have run out of time last night.

Final score:

9points

Michele Caldwell 7 years ago

I forgot a time or two as well. I told him that she had too many children to reach them all in one night and that the longer it takes for her to get to him, the more money he gets. He used to be bummed when 'she would arrive on the first night' certain he could have gotten more LOL

9points

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#149

My dad used to say he could make the traffic lights turn green. He'd count down 3-2-1-GREEN and the light would change. It wasn't until I was older that I realized he was timing it off the light turning red for the crossroad.

Final score:

9points

pikachu 7 years ago

my mum used to do this too!!!!

3points

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#150

"Lucky Charms are for Leprechauns. If you eat too many you'll shrink and have to wear a green suit and have a red beard."

Mr_Milenko Report

Final score:

8points

Susan Gardner 7 years ago

Awwww they aren't THAT bad lol

3points

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#151

I was told that if I swallowed my gum, my poop would bounce up and down in the toilet. I cried every time I accidentally swallowed some.

Final score:

8points

M. M 7 years ago

I remember a rumor started in kindergarten that swallowed gum gets stuck to your lungs and can't be removed.

6points

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#152

I didn't like eating rabbit and my mother decided that I was being difficult and was having none of that. So she told me that what I had on my plate was a chicken leg. I told her it tasted really funny and she replied "That's because I cooked it without the skin". I bought it and finished it all.

grumpynutella Report

Final score:

8points

Benicio del Pilitch 7 years ago

this is cruel.

2points

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50 Of The Most Incredible Shots That Were Submitted To The Comedy Wildlife Photography Awards

French Diver’s “Jewels” In Tight Swimming Trunks Become Talk Of The Town At Olympics

French Diver’s “Jewels” In Tight Swimming Trunks Become Talk Of The Town At Olympics

French Diver’s “Jewels” In Tight Swimming Trunks Become Talk Of The Town At Olympics

#153

My mom told me that if I get angry I will get old. Then she pointed at an old lady and said 'look at her, last week she was just the same age as you and now she’s 70 years old', so I held my anger in FOR YEARS.

chikariska Report

Final score:

8points

Jaclyn 7 years ago

Well that's not healthy.

13points

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#154

I told a kid that the human body only has so many words until it runs out and then you die. That's why old people slur their words more, because they are running out. It's a lot of words, millions, but don't waste them when you're a child. They didn't talk for the rest of the day.

theblondereaper Report

Final score:

8points

#155

I told a kid that a car was essentially four unicycles lashed together, and there were really small people peddling at super high speed.

MushroomMountain123 Report

Final score:

8points

Jhoa 7 years ago

Off-topic, but there is actually a formation in which four unicyclists hold onto each other and cycle in unison.

8points

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Woman Moves Out Of Parents' Home After They Asked Her To Give Her Space To Brother, They Freak Out

Woman Moves Out Of Parents' Home After They Asked Her To Give Her Space To Brother, They Freak Out

Woman Moves Out Of Parents' Home After They Asked Her To Give Her Space To Brother, They Freak Out

Mom Leaves $250k Inheritance To Son, Throws A Fit When Daughter Stops Looking After Her

Mom Leaves $250k Inheritance To Son, Throws A Fit When Daughter Stops Looking After Her

Mom Leaves $250k Inheritance To Son, Throws A Fit When Daughter Stops Looking After Her

#156

To keep my sister and I busy my mom would tell us if we could kiss our elbow we would turn into the opposite sex.

iPutTheScrewNTheTuna Report

Final score:

8points

Cheese 7 years ago

darlings ❤️

3points

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#157

If i didn't stop biting my nails they would get infected and i would have to get tiny needles in my fingers. I hated needles. Still do.

squidwillis Report

Final score:

7points

Darth Vader 7 years ago

I was not introduced to clear nail varnish because I thought they only came in bright colours. My mother used clear nail varnish once and told me that her nails became so shiny because she scrubbed her hands and nails clean everytime she washed them. So I spent hours in the bathroom scrubbing and washing my hands.

4points

#158

"You have to wear your pants because if you don't we will have to move to a different city where naked people live..."

liesitellmykid/ Report

Final score:

7points

Susan Gardner 7 years ago

OMGG

4points

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#159

My mom told me that redbull was alcohol because she did not want me to drink it.

Final score:

7points

M. M 7 years ago

My mom would exaggerate the danger of Redbull. She'd be like 40 kids died last month from Redbull (or Monster/other energy drinks). I was like 4 and absolutely terrified.

3points

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#160

My Dad told me that if I take a spoonful of vinegar while closing my eyes, I can see heaven. I really believed him, so I tried it.

Final score:

7points

Susan Gardner 7 years ago

But whyyyyyyyyyyyyy lol

4points

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Woman Refuses To Chip In For Babysitting Because She Doesn’t Even Have Kids, Asks If She’s A Jerk

Woman Refuses To Chip In For Babysitting Because She Doesn’t Even Have Kids, Asks If She’s A Jerk

Woman Refuses To Chip In For Babysitting Because She Doesn’t Even Have Kids, Asks If She’s A Jerk

“This Breaks My Heart”: People Stunned—And Angry—After Woman Buys Lost Luggage From Airport

“This Breaks My Heart”: People Stunned—And Angry—After Woman Buys Lost Luggage From Airport

“This Breaks My Heart”: People Stunned—And Angry—After Woman Buys Lost Luggage From Airport

#161

I told my son that if he drank caffeine or alcohol his ears would fall off. Because he was an extremely intelligent child, I had to explain to him that children have a chemical reaction to these elements, which is why it is illegal for children to even purchase alcohol. When he was about four, his daddy gave him a Dr. Pepper and when my son found out it had caffeine he freaked out. His daddy didn't help matters by telling him his ears looked a little low. "Momma put my ears back!!"

Final score:

7points

Susan Gardner 7 years ago

I don't know about ears falling off, but okay... whatever it takes lol

5points

#162

When i know my son is lying I am telling him that his eyes changed color and only parents can see that. Now I know when he is lying cause he is hiding his eyes.

Final score:

7points

Dominika Krawiec

#163

"Happy Meals are for poor kids who's parents can't buy them toys and they're sad."

Mr_Milenko Report

Final score:

6points

M. M 7 years ago

:/

6points

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"I Didn't Start The Dryer": Karen Gets Taught A Lesson After Throwing Out Neighbor's Wet Clothes

"I Didn't Start The Dryer": Karen Gets Taught A Lesson After Throwing Out Neighbor's Wet Clothes

"I Didn't Start The Dryer": Karen Gets Taught A Lesson After Throwing Out Neighbor's Wet Clothes

Guy Divorced 3 Years Ago Drops Off 3 Y.O. With His Ex-Wife Completely Out Of The Blue

Guy Divorced 3 Years Ago Drops Off 3 Y.O. With His Ex-Wife Completely Out Of The Blue

Guy Divorced 3 Years Ago Drops Off 3 Y.O. With His Ex-Wife Completely Out Of The Blue

#164

My parents got me to eat calamarie by telling me they were "Italian onion rings."

RadioGuyRob Report

Final score:

6points

Linda Gulley 7 years ago

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#165

My dad always told me he was terrified of mice and rats so we couldn't go to Chuck E Cheese.

hometowngypsy Report

Final score:

6points

meow point1 6 years ago

There are mice and rats there?

0points

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#166

"We can't have the dome light on in the car at night because it blinds the other drivers."

CantGoogleMe Report

Final score:

6points

Karl Henry 7 years ago

Wait is that not true? How many lies have I been living!

8points

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#167

My mom told me girls peed out of their butts to avoid telling me about vaginas. I went to school and told the other kids before being corrected.

Final score:

6points

Master Markus 7 years ago

Don't try that nonsense with kids, it's too easy to falsify.

12points

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#168

"That's not juice, it's camels blood" my sisters attempt at averting her kids attention from the expensive pomegranate juice.

espressoempress Report

Final score:

6points

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“All Three Shot Out Pink”: Triplets' Baby Shower Turns Sour, Pregnant Wife Wants A Divorce

“All Three Shot Out Pink”: Triplets' Baby Shower Turns Sour, Pregnant Wife Wants A Divorce

“All Three Shot Out Pink”: Triplets' Baby Shower Turns Sour, Pregnant Wife Wants A Divorce

College Student Does Exactly As Told After Roommates Demand They Keep Their Stuff In Their Room

College Student Does Exactly As Told After Roommates Demand They Keep Their Stuff In Their Room

College Student Does Exactly As Told After Roommates Demand They Keep Their Stuff In Their Room

#169

My parents told me that haggis were small creatures that lived on Scottish hillsides. They had tartan pelts, and the legs on one side of their body were longer than on the other so they could comfortably run around the hill. Bagpipes were made from haggis pelts, and the haggis you eat was made from minced haggis meat.

Rachel Watts Report

Final score:

6points

#170

Beanbags actually have badly behaved children inside them, ground up into little pieces.
Works a charm.

Final score:

6points

$copper-fractions avatar$

Tiny Dynamine 7 years ago

Harsh!

9points

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#171

If we were naughty she could put us in the rubbish bin and we would be taken away with all the rubbish. Worked while we were kids but became a joke as we got older.

Final score:

6points

#172

You know the myth that carrots make you see in the dark. My mother took it to another level and said you would go blind if you didn't eat carrots

Final score:

6points

pikachu 7 years ago

smart! i am going to use this

3points

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#173

My mother use to make eggs for the whole family at once and season them with salt and pepper. But my sister wouldn't eat anything with pepper in out. One time get egg was sprinkled by accident with pepper o.k. the edge. Because she really didn't want to waste it my mother assured her that this was special pepper for kids. My sister was convinced and ate her egg. Years later as a teen my sister still believed there were two kinds of pepper. One for kids and one for grownups.

Final score:

6points

Bat-Chen Nessim

#174

I had headache once and it was suggested I go for a walk. As I was leaving my mothers friend said "you can't wear a hat, the headache won't escape" so I took off the hat. To this day I don't wear a hat if I have headache even though I know

Final score:

6points

Charlotte Hardy

Markus McCloud 7 years ago

Well, if you have an adjustable hat (like a baseball cap), having it too tight could exacerbate the headache, so your mother's friend wasn't entirely wrong.

5points

#175

We lived in rural VA and my dad had me, my sister, cousins and all the neighborhood kids convinced if we stayed out after dark a "hairy monster with glowing green eyes" would eat us. One night doing dishes with my sister, a green eyed monster appeared in the kitchen window. We dropped and shattered the dishes, ran screaming for my father and cried for hours. Wouldn't believe him when he said it was just a mask

Final score:

6points

Susan Gardner 7 years ago

Oh God lol

3points

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#176

Oh SO many! I used to tell my daughter that when she took baths as a toddler, she would fart then try to catch the bubbles with her teeth....also told the kids that the car wouldn't move if their seat belts weren't fastened and whenever they had a friend in the car they would always tell their friends the same thing.

Final score:

6points

#177

My D.A.R.E. teacher in middle school told us if we ever smoked pot we would never be able to receive an organ transplant.

Final score:

6points

Rita Maneata 7 years ago

Small town?

3points

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#178

When my daughters were little I told them if you burped, farted, and sneezed at the same time, you would turn them inside out.

imdickie Report

Final score:

5points

Darth Vader 7 years ago

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#179

My wife's parents used to tell her that dandelions were illegal and they would get fined if she didn't remove all of them from the yard.

Final score:

5points

Darth Vader 7 years ago

I always got told that they were bad luck. Good thing Im not superstitious

2points

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#180

My parents told me that if I pushed the "reset" button on the power outlet the house would explode.

Final score:

5points

#181

"Burger King is for royalty."

Mr_Milenko Report

Final score:

5points

pikachu 7 years ago

I think I will tell my kids if I have any that. and that Mc Donalds are for people with Donald in their name, and KFC for people with names starting with k f or c

2points

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#182

My mom told me that if I ate raw cookie dough I'd get worms.

Final score:

5points

Caitlyn Marquez 5 years ago

Not worms as in the insect, but you can get worms from the raw egg, this is not a lie.

0points

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#183

If you have the lights on in the car at night, the cops will pull us over.

DylanAlexL Report

Final score:

5points

Tim Graham 7 years ago

They actually do where I live. it's illegal.

7points

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#184

my parents told me i was allergic to sugar and would die if i ate it. they even went and brought "alternative snacks" to my school teachers like carrot sticks and peanuts for them to stock up for me and hand out when the other kids got birthday cupcakes. not the worst thing they could have done to me, but it sucked. i totally believed them until i went to visit my aunt and realized that ice cream and m&m's were F*CKING AMAZING.

kaliforniamike Report

Final score:

5points

Jaclyn 7 years ago

That's kind of cruel... Sure sugar is bad for you, but geez let the kid enjoy life a little.

16points

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#185

My parents convinced me that if I didn't eat my broccoli then I would go bald. They used my Grandfather as an example as he was bald. Turned out he was undergoing cancer treatment. It worked though! I do love Broccoli!

Children_OfThe_Foxes Report

Final score:

5points

#186

My dad told me that there's a dead lady that crawls through little childrens' windows and kills them if they're not asleep by a certain time. My dad liked to scare the shit out of me...

Final score:

5points

Michele Caldwell 7 years ago

I would have been terrified to fall asleep! What if she only 'thought' I was awake and killed me in my sleep! EEK :)

7points

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#187

"Grandpa called and he said if you don't go to bed, he is never giving you candy again. "

liesitellmykid Report

Final score:

5points

Katniss Everdeen 5 years ago

Amazing

0points

#188

When I was little, I was afraid of monsters coming into the house so my dad told me that he set up and invisible force field around the house so that when monsters got near the house, they would turn to dust.
Later, I asked him what happened when santa came to the house and he told me that he turned off the force field and the reindeers bit any monsters that got near.

Final score:

5points

Thestarsinthesky

Henry Saravia-Melara 3 years ago

or that santa set off the alarm and turned to dust

0points

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#189

When I was little I thought littLe people lived in the traffic lights and would control them. I asked my friends if the 'people' could see me.. they said yes.

Final score:

5points

Georgie Lissington

Victoria Harmon 7 years ago

My dad tried to do this with me. I knew there really weren't little people in them but to amuse him I played along and never told him they weren't in there. I knew he liked it when I believed him when he said something crazy like that.

4points

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#190

My grandma would point at the armored money trucks outside stores and would tell me that those are the truck that take misbehaved children away. Shit freaked me out.

SammyLocked Report

Final score:

4points

#191

My mom would threaten to trade me at the children store for a kid that looked exactly like me but behaved good.
So many years later and I only now realize how wrong that sounds... children store

PE_crafter Report

Final score:

4points

#192

"Don't grind your teeth or they'll fall out and you won't be able to eat again."

liesitellmykid Report

Final score:

4points

Archair Smith 3 years ago

What if I'm cold?

0points

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#193

When my brother and I would visit our Grandmother, and she didn't want us messing around with stuff in the back yard she would tell us that the Wompus Cat was gonna eat us. I think Im still scared of the dark bc of it lol.

Final score:

4points

Melissa Boone 7 years ago

My grandmother said there was a wildcat in her room and to never open the door.

4points

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#194

I was not introduced to clear nail varnish because I thought they only came in bright colours. My mother used clear nail varnish once and told me that her nails became so shiny because she scrubbed her hands and nails clean everytime she washed them. So I spent hours in the bathroom scrubbing and washing my hands.

Final score:

4points

Jaiden 5 years ago

Repeat

1point

#195

My dad had me convinced that he had an instruction manual that the hospital gave him when I was born. When I wanted to do something he didn't want to do he said, "That is not in your manual."

Final score:

4points

Victoria Harmon

Susan Gardner 7 years ago

Brilliant!

5points

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#196

When I was about 3 Santa came to my grandparents' house. I didn't believe it was him until my parents told me to look outside, because he was taking off in his sleigh and Rudolph was leading the way. I looked outside and saw his red nose and believed it was Rudolph. I only found out years later that it was my aunt running down the street with a pair of red underwear stretched over a flashlight.

Final score:

4points

Susan Gardner 7 years ago

No way! LMAO

1point

#197

"Everytime you lie, baby jesus gets diarrhea."

BrockDaSock Report

Final score:

3points

Henry Saravia-Melara 3 years ago

as an adult...

0points

#198

For the longest time, I had my daughter convinced that McDonald's hash browns were made from peacocks.

BinaryPalindrome Report

Final score:

3points

Rita Maneata 7 years ago

To what point and purpose?

4points

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#199

The toys "are going to the repair workshop"...
The toys weren't broken and they were going to poor children >:(

sinkezie Report

Final score:

3points

Rita Maneata 7 years ago

I feel like I'd rather have the donation bit explained. That would encourage kids to share.

10points

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#200

"The dog ate the rest of your cake."

liesitellmykid Report

Final score:

3points

#201

"Everytime you pick your nose Santa takes away a present with your name on it."

liesitellmykid Report

Final score:

3points

#202

When I was younger, if I woke her up and needed medicine, she told me that to go right to sleep because with "night medicine", you have to be asleep in 15 minutes or else the medicine would not work... I believed her well into my childhood.

Final score:

3points

#203

My mom told us, that the yeast in her freshly baken bread continues to grow in the warm stomach and it could burst. So we never asked to eat the bread when it was still warm. We waited until our mother told us, that it was „safe to eat“.

Final score:

3points

Michele Caldwell 7 years ago

How sad! Warm, fresh baked bread is the best!

10points

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#204

I was always told by my parents that if I ate the crusts on my sandwiches my hair would go curly. I'm 36 and I still eat all my crusts…but my hair is as poker straight as ever. 😆 Thanks Mum & Dad!

Final score:

3points

pikachu 7 years ago

I didn't eat my crusts and I have ridiculously curly hair

2points

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#205

I complained to my dad that my food has ants. He said that it will make my singing voice better and beautiful. I swallowed the ants anyway. :)

Final score:

3points

Victoria Silvas 3 weeks ago

Eeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

0points

#206

My dad told us we had to hold our breath when passing a cemetery or ghosts would haunt us. There were some huge cemeteries and I would almost pass out trying to hold my breath!

Final score:

3points

Julie Hoecherl-Grobner

#207

If I forgot to be tooth fairy. I told my kids they must of pulled their tooth too late in the day. And tooth fairy picked up teeth in the order they became available. So they must be on the next nights schedule.

Final score:

3points

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#208

My friend decided to become vegetarian at 6. Her father told her that drumsticks came from trees, so she could eat them. For years, all she ate were drumsticks.

Final score:

3points

pikachu 7 years ago

SMART. I would make tonnes of excuses for my favourite food if any of my kids if I were to have some became vegetarian. my favourite food is meat

1point

#209

I told my kid that there was a "Mommy Book" and one of the rules in it was that I had to tell them "no" thirteen times a day. Then I would say "Ask for something! I think I'm behind!"

Final score:

3points

#210

My mum was a single parent and when I was very young I asked her who my Dad was. She told me I was a gift from God. For a period of my childhood I thought I was the second coming.

Final score:

3points

#211

My grandma told my mom that the right boob was for white milk and the left was for chocolate milk. She believed that until she took Sex Ed in high school.

Final score:

2points

Kookie Clown4ever 7 years ago

Hahaha

2points

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#212

My dad told me that pushing the seat recline button on an airplane helps the plane take off, and that if not enough people push it the plane would crash.

Final score:

2points

Benicio del Pilitch 7 years ago

what a nice person to share a flight with ! :(

2points

#213

I was told swallowing watermelon seeds would grow in my stomach.
I had a very nerve wracking couple of months waiting.

Final score:

2points

Darth Vader 7 years ago

I'm sure you questioned pregnant ladies alot LOL

3points

#214

"Bananas are really just spider cocoons."

donotclickjim Report

Final score:

2points

pikachu 7 years ago

I would never eat bananas ever if I was told that

3points

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#215

If you don't finish your dinner, Buzz Lightyear will die.

liz-to-the-e-bitches Report

Final score:

2points

Cat Lady 7 years ago

Oooh noooo

2points

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#216

"The toy shop is not working today. Today is "the day of the week". They don't open at this day of the week."

Final score:

2points

Vihra Stancheva

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#217

My Dad used to say the hazard lights button was to eject the passenger seat so I never pushed it once he pushed I freaked out thinking I was going to eject out of the car

Final score:

2points

#218

My mom said that the little brown freckles/little birthmarks came from drinking too much Cola, so i never drank it. I believed it till I was 12 years or something.

Final score:

2points

Alina Svetlakova

Bradley Auerbach 7 years ago

Birthmarks are called BIRTHmarks for a reason: you are BORN with them!

0points

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#219

My Dad has a bald patch and hated broccoli, so my Mum told me if i didn't eat the broccoli I would have bald patch when I was older. Still think broccoli affects hair growth 10 years later.

Final score:

2points

#220

My mum told me that mountain goats can only go one way round a mountain because their legs are shorted on one side. I was 13 when I blithely repeated this "fact" and she started laughing uncontrollably and confessed it was a lie her father had told her as a child.

Final score:

2points

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#221

I've told my son that the shower automatically stops when he is clean enough. He doesn't know about the 3 second delay after pressing the button and has never seen me press the button either

Final score:

2points

#222

I told once my three year old boy that women didn't fart. Whenever he felt one was out, he always blamed daddy or another men. It lasted until he was nine!

Final score:

2points

Marianne Figueira

pikachu 7 years ago

how sweet

3points

#223

My mom told me the reason she doesn't have earlobes is because she's from Mars. I was sceptical, but my brother believed her completely.

Final score:

2points

pikachu 7 years ago

why doesn't she have earlobes?

3points

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#224

"If you wander off, the boogie man will kill you and make sausage out of you."
My grandmother, to me. Couldn't eat sausage until I was 13 and realized that there was no way that was true.

Final score:

1point

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#225

"Dragonflies are called sewer bugs and they sew your mouth shut when you lie."

KittyReed Report

Final score:

1point

#226

We convince my son that mommies didn't have bellybuttons when they had babies because kept trying to look at mine and his grandmother's. But his Aunt didn't have kids so she was fair game!!! Best time my mom and I ever had that summer was watching her run from him so he wouldn't yank her shirt up in public!!!

Final score:

1point

#227

My dad told me that if I'd sleep on my belly my boobs wouldn't grow... I tried to sleep on my back and was checking my chest when I would wake up on my belly.

Final score:

1point

#228

Asked my mom when I was a kid, "How do actors /actresses cry in movies so easily?"she told me that "when in the back they watch sad movies that make them cry". I believed that for awhile.

Final score:

1point

Felicia Faulkner

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#229

I would only eat "Japanese" mushrooms! My family was eating soup out one day and I refused to eat it because there were mushrooms in it- until I was convinced they were Japanese mushrooms! Game changer

Final score:

1point

#230

My dad would drive us by the lumber yard in the evening just as it was getting dark. There were storage units with chain link fences on them. He would tell us gorillas lived in there. Oh God, it would make us cry, like snot-faced boo hooing. I'm an adult and it still freaked me out until a few years ago.

Final score:

1point

#231

When I was little I used to play in the street with my friends until it was very dark . To make me come home earlier my mom told me that a witch will catch me if I stay in the street when it's dark . That shit worked for years because we used to play in front of a house where an old lady lived . She was almost always dressed in black so I used to think she was a witch and run home everytime I see her

Final score:

1point

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#232

I was told that if I swallowed chewing gum, everytime I inhale the gum would inflate into a balloon, and when I exhale it would deflate. Then if it popped I would die. For years if I accidently swallowed gum, I would breathe extra carefully hoping I don't die.

Final score:

1point

#233

When I was around 8-9 I didn’t want to spend time in the garden. That is why Mom came up with the argument that Madonna had such figure and strong arms only because she was hoeing potatoes. And that’s how I ended up with the hoe in my hand, refusing to take a rest.

Final score:

1point

Jaiden 5 years ago

Who’s Madonna?

1point

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#234

I own a liquid nitrogen tank and had my nephews convinced for years that I made clouds. Pouring the liquid out on the ground produces copious amounts of vapor. They were always duly impressed.

Final score:

1point

DC 5 years ago

Lol then I can prove that there are such things as clouded ice cubes!

1point

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#235

My dad is a die-hard Aggie fan. He taught me when I was 3 that the color orange was actually yellow and yellow was orange. When I was in kindergarten learning colors I kept calling orange and yellow each other's color. My teacher got so concerned she called my mom and my mom had to explain what my dad did. Everyone thought it was hilarious except me.

Final score:

1point

Kaitlin Zemanek

#236

When the twins were very young we would go to the beach.
As a flight of pelicans flew by, I'd tell them "I'm getting out my invisible shotgun!" and hold my arms up as if I had a gun. Having observed pelicans for years, I could tell when they were going to dive for fish. I'd make a huge "BANG!" as they all fell from the sky into the water. They were amazed and saddened by my feat...I'd tell them "they're OK"....and repeat the process for the next flight of pelicans.

Final score:

1point

Kookie Clown4ever 7 years ago

Cool

2points

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#237

Our youngest daughter was born on ANZAC Day (a public holiday in Australia) and I told her that everyone had a holiday because it was her Birthday - she believed it for at least 2 years.

Final score:

1point

#238

I had just learned to make coherent sentences, but I was also extremely gullible. My dad lost his voice and was sick at home with laryngitis, he ushered me over and convinced me that he had lost his voice in the basement, and promptly asked me to find it. I searched for his voice for 20 minutes before coming upstairs and asking: " Papa, are you tricking me?" He told me he was sure, and I rushed back to uncover his missing voice.

Final score:

1point

#239

Whenever my mother knew we were lying, she'd say a "mommy dot" would appear somewhere on our face. So whenever one of us would lie, we'd try to cover every inch of our face.

Final score:

1point

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#240

Whenever trains would stop in a seemingly random place with no station, my Dad would tell me they were just changing the tyres.

Believed that for an embarrassingly long time.

Final score:

1point

#241

Not my kid, just a friend...but she was complaining about having freckles one day ( I have my own and am happy with them ) so I told her that it was because she ate too much vegemite. That our skin has parts that are thinner than other parts, and that if you eat too much dark food, it shows through. She took all of this as fact, and her Mum was in the same room but behind her the whole time shaking her head as I did this, with a smirk but realising her teenage daughter was way too gullible.

Final score:

1point

#242

My mother told me to not swallow watermelon seeds or one will start growing and I'll have a watermelon in my tummy. I never swallowed those seeds again because I thought I'd be pregnant. I was 8.

Final score:

1point

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#243

My grandmother used to tell me that drinking milk while eating fish was poisonous. I've eaten tuna fish sandwiches with a glass of milk for years and it's never hurt me.

Final score:

1point

#244

The tooth fairy used the teeth to make dentures for old people

Final score:

1point

#245

When I was younger my favorite sweets were fruit pastels so my mum told me that red and black ones were poisonous to kids and I believed her until I was 8/9

Final score:

0points

#246

I was told when I was a kid the trick to getting rid of worms:
Lay on your belly with your mouth open, and a piece of devon (baloney?) in front. The worm would smell it and wriggle out of your mouth. believed it into my teens...

Final score:

0points

Connie Martin 7 years ago

This is a way to get rid of a tapeworm, if you can stand to do it. Also a dish of milk is good bait, I hear. *Shudder

3points

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#247

In order to keep her kids from wandering too far, my cousin used to tell her kids that the Cucuy (Mexican boogie man) would get them. Worked every time.

Final score:

0points

#248

deadlocks are cow poo on strings

Final score:

0points

Linda Gulley 7 years ago

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#249

My dad and his brothers would always tell us to stay away from the front corner of my grandm's house. Saying, "the wrag-man gon' get you!" I'm 34 and still anxious about that part of my grandma's house...

Final score:

0points

#250

When my husband and I moved in together, he couldn't believe that I wasn't wiping off the toothpaste that had splattered on my shirt. He said "it will bleach your shirt! You joke, but my dad told me that's how his beard went great! When my husband and I moved in together, he couldn't believe that I wasn't wiping off the toothpaste and it splattered on my shirt. He said "it will bleach your shirt! You joke, but my dad told me that's how his beard went gray!" He was 32.

Final score:

0points

Out of chocolate

Jaiden 5 years ago

Why does it say it twice?

0points

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#251

My dad told us he did not know how to get to our grandma's house and that he had to watch for the blinking arrows on the car's dashboard. We would watch for awhile then lose interest. He would then secretly hit the turn signal. We would tell and he would say "I see it, I see it ".

Final score:

0points

David Kitzmiller Jr.

#252

When he was younger, my mum managed to convince my brother that ticket machines had tiny little men inside them and that he had to thank them every time a ticket popped out. He always did for years. Now he tells his children the same thing

Final score:

0points

#253

My mother told me and my two older siblings that she could tell if we were fibbing by looking at our tongues. She could always spot the fibber, who would steadfastly refuse to stick out their tongue.

Final score:

0points

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#254

When my brother was born, my dad told me and my sister that babies were born with antennas on their heads. I got really excited when they brought him home from the hospital because I wanted to see them for myself; I was super disappointed when he told me that the antennas fall off when they put the hat on the baby (it didn't help that my mom went along with it) .

I believed him for a couple years until I realized that he made it up (2 more siblings later). We still laugh about that one.

Final score:

0points

Celeste Hilgeman

#255

My parents liked to entertain their friends in the summer by throwing barbeque's and enjoyed drinking Grasshoppers. That's an alcoholic drink that includes ice cream, Crème de Menthe, and Crème de Cocao (tastes like frozen chocolate mint) and is green in color. To keep the kids out of their hair, the parents told us kids we had to keep catching and bringing them grasshoppers for their drinks. Worked like a charm!

Final score:

0points

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#256

My dad told me his middle name was Handsome... I believed that for years until by chance saw his drivers license.

Final score:

0points

#257

When I was three we had tiny candy canes on the Christmas tree. They were just my size and I wouldn't leave them alone. That year we had a 'live' tree (whatever that meant to little me) so my mom told me the Christmas tree would get mad if I kept stealing his candy canes and might try and eat me. When I didn't finish my dinner, she would set the plate of unfinished food under the tree to feed it (we watered it so that made sense). I gave it a wide berth after that.

Final score:

0points

#258

My dad tricked my little sister and I into believing that if the hazard button in the car was pressed it would shoot missiles out into the car in front of us. This went on until I was 14.

Final score:

0points

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#259

When I was younger and I would refuse to eat something, my mom would look inside the kitchen cabinet and said that the list inside said that the previous time I liked the food. Then I just ate my meal, and I liked it.

When I was 18 or something, I heard there has never been a list. It was just a list with phone numbers.

Final score:

0points

Daphne Pekkeriet

#260

My father and uncles told us coffee would put hair on your chest and stunt your growth. Since most of the men in my family are furry and everybody's short, I believed it.

Final score:

0points

#261

When I was five, I heard someone mention "Elvis sightings." I asked my father what Elvis was. "Elvis is an alien from outer space," he said.

I was in my 20s before I discovered this was joke.

Final score:

0points

12 Badgers in a Suit

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#262

# 65 was once true. # 249. Toothpaste will bleach your shirt. Some brands.

Final score:

0points

Jaiden 5 years ago

Ugh

0points

#263

My son was 8 before he knew that football games on school nights had a second half. I always sent him to bed at halftime.

Final score:

0points

#264

The paper boy would pick up the papers, cross the road, stand under a shady tree and roll up the newspapers with a thick red rubber band. He always dropped a few. I told my daughter that it was red rubber band tree and those were ripe ones that fell off. She believed it for a long long time.

Final score:

0points

#265

My parents told me drop bears would come out at night and attack you if you went near trees. For years I was terrified of going outside at night.

Final score:

0points

Julia Cartwright

Jaiden 5 years ago

I’m terrified of going outside at night and my parents never told me that

1point

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#266

When I was between five and eight my dad always woke me up in the morning and I detested waking up for school. He would always say that a bear was knocking on our door and that it was asking for me. When I looked at the door panes gingerly there was none but I was told that it had just left after waiting for me.

Final score:

0points

#267

To get my daughter to sleep in her toddler bed, I told her that grown up beds were only for people who were done growing. If she wants to get big and strong like mommy and daddy, she has to sleep in her toddler bed because it has magical powers that make her bigger when she sleeps...

Final score:

0points

#268

When my brother and I were around 2 or 3 years old, my mom's youngest brother (still in school and living at home) told us that raisins were dead flies with the wings and legs pulled off so that my grandparents would buy a cereal other than Raisin Bran (at the time our favorite snack).

Final score:

0points

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#269

When my kids would see a commercial for a fast food place they would immediately want to go, so I would pretend to call the place, and then tell my kids the place was closed. My son said one time "They are never open!"

Final score:

0points

#270

When we went to the store my mom used to tell, "Every time I touch something a kitten dies"

Final score:

-1point

pikachu 7 years ago

this is good

0points

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#271

That mommy and daddy are just wrestling naked on the bed.

Final score:

-1point

Hoparduc Snowpanther 7 years ago

why'd you let a child see that?

0points

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#272

My parents just told me the glare was making it hard to drive.

Final score:

-1point

Michele Caldwell 7 years ago

A little context might help this make sense

7points

#273

One time years ago when our son was about four or five he had a little toy screwdriver and was going around telling people he was going to "screw them"

Final score:

-1point

Caprice Rezendes

Darth Vader 7 years ago

Irrelevant

7points

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#274

I asked my dad why he won't eat vegetables, he said that old people's stomach will furtilized them and it eventually grows bigger like a tree on top of his head. It freaks me out...

Final score:

-1point

#275

Babies are the gifts from Allah for the wedding. But if Allah sends the gift before wedding, it's a curse. Ammu (mother) still says this to my nephew. LOL

Final score:

-1point

Fariha Tabassum

Emmanuel Christian 7 years ago

i don't think that's a white lie

1point

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#276

once we were in the park and we

Final score:

-1point

Jaiden 5 years ago

?

1point

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#277

This is very tips on lying to kids specially for parents for many reasons when kids are very young. Sometimes parents need to lie to their kids in a lot of occasions which is too many to mention. I would like to suggest those parents too for lying to kids in necessary times. Thank you so much for sharing such post that has really awakened me and I am a sincerely blogger who shares tips on Blogging can be read here http://www.easybloggingtip.com/

www.easybloggingtip.com Report

Final score:

-1point

PattonPawter 4 years ago

This doesn’t have anything to do with the article?

0points

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#278

When I was in kindergarten, our little bathroom in the classroom had a noisy exhaust fan. One night, I had a dream that I was in that bathroom, and the fan was strong enough to suck my long hair into it. For at least 5-7 years after that, I was terrified of going into any public restroom that had an exhaust fan in it. Not a lie, per se...but that really f*cked me up for a long time. To this day (I'm now 47), I still don't like loud fans but they obviously don't hinder me in using restrooms!

Final score:

-1point

#279

When my elder sister was 3 she was told the tree is moving because she didn't ate food. When I was 3 years I was told the same and I said "Moma, it is moving because of wind"

Final score:

-1point

Jaiden 5 years ago

Eat not ate

0points

#280

When a mean boy pulled my hair in kindergarden my Mom said it's because he liked me. Since then I consider meanness the sign of fondness. :(

Final score:

-2points

Hoparduc Snowpanther 7 years ago

mine told me this too. except they are still abusing me to this day and thanks to my low self esteem I don't even believe when she tells me that they like me.

4points

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#281

My mother told me she knew absoli everything. I believed her until i was about 12. I started to learn things at school that she had not heard of and i finally knew she was human like me.

Final score:

-2points

Jaiden 5 years ago

Heh

0points

#282

When i receieved my first car and let me tell you i was 19, mum was being cheeky or maybe just tricking me for my saftey sake.. She told me not to drive over 80 for the first few months because if not the engine will be broken and may explode, so i believed her till i had to send my car for its first service and i asked the person working at the workshop if its true what my mum said & he just laughed at me, that's how paranoid i was to BELIEVED IT! 😂 Im 25 nw & im driving over the speed limit😝

Final score:

-2points

Haunting Spirit 7 years ago

Well, for new cars they do advise to not drive too fast and accelerate too fast during the first 3.500 km.

6points

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#283

When I was a child my parents bought me red boots that I really liked and wanted. When I was going to bed my grandmother told me that the cats that were living in the roof of the house knew about my boots and they have told the gypsies. She said the gypsies will steal my boots once I fall asleep. That night I slept with my boots...hugging them.

Final score:

-2points

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#284

When I was about 5 or so my mom told me that it's illegal to eat candy bars at night. I believed it until I was 11.

Final score:

-3points

#285

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#285

When my sister and I would pull the crust off a slice of bread, my father would say we had to eat the crust because that's where all the vitamins are.

Final score:

-12points

Daniel Losinger

Sky 6 years ago

As with many narratives posted on Bored Panda, there is no evidence that this actually happened. I expect that most of these stories are fiction.

8points

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#286

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#286

I one told my cousin that if she ate the chocolate in the toilet she would never die , she ate the whole thing and it was my uncles poop!

Final score:

-15points

Carla Sophie Anderson

Tim Graham 7 years ago

I find that hard to... swallow... I'll show myself out.

9points

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Greta Jaruševičiūtė

Greta is a Photo Editor-in-Chief at Bored Panda with a BA in Communication.In 2016, she graduated from Digital Advertising courses where she had an opportunity to meet and learn from industry professionals. In the same year, she started working at Bored Panda as a photo editor.Greta is a coffeeholic and cannot survive a day without 5 cups of coffee... and her cute, big-eared dog.Her biggest open secret: she is a gamer with a giant gaming backlog.

Greta is a Photo Editor-in-Chief at Bored Panda with a BA in Communication.In 2016, she graduated from Digital Advertising courses where she had an opportunity to meet and learn from industry professionals. In the same year, she started working at Bored Panda as a photo editor.Greta is a coffeeholic and cannot survive a day without 5 cups of coffee... and her cute, big-eared dog.Her biggest open secret: she is a gamer with a giant gaming backlog.

What do you think ?

Stijn V. 7 years ago

Just reading this makes me want to lie all the time to kids :)

3points

Stijn V. 7 years ago

Just reading this makes me want to lie all the time to kids :)

3points

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