I can't see a problem here. Son is hard working, earns enough to get by, is happy, wants the best for his daughter (which, in his opinion, is having her parents around her). What's the problem? Sounds like he's more sorted than a lot of people his age.

I would just point him to some other blue-collar jobs that pay better. Cities always need maintenance workers. Parks, streets, subways, water, trash, etc.

His life, his choice. He seems to be a perfectly good guy lifvng the life he wants and not his mother's dream. I think the biggest problem here is the mother being afraid of what other people think.

Uh, no one noticed that she never actually mentioned how much her son makes or what his actual job was? It's pretty obvious mommy dearest and her well educated family prioritized money over time with their son. Her son, in turn, chooses his family. They own property, and clearly aren't struggling. She isn't privy to his finances, she is only assuming based off of what he purchases. Meanwhile, he can afford to live without using any government subsidizing and his child(ren) get a stay at home mother.

The mother sounds awful and horribly judgemental. God forbid her son is his own person, making his own way in life. He’s far too young to be judged so harshly.

He's happy. He's capable and responsible. OP needs to realise that a degree is merely the training for a job that will hopefully achieve happiness. Son's already there. Not seeming so daft and insufficient now, is he?

I like the mother in this. She's worried and wants the best for her son and grandchild, but also is open to the opinions of others and shows a willingness to see other perspectives. Regarding the situation, I think it's okay to gently offer suggestions to him but at the same time acknowledge that he's an adult and has to make his own life decisions.

Sounds a lot like my FIL. He pushed college on all 3 of his kids. All 3 dropped out before the first year was up. 2 of the 3 work blue collar jobs (one is disabled). FIL still looks down on them for "throwing their futures away" (except is the golden child, earns much more at a factory, so he gets heaps of praise, of course.) College isn't everything

So wait, her kid spent 19 years at home, "hated every second of [school]", and she never sat with him to explore what he would like to do in life and how to go from regular school to trade school or apprenticeships or something so he could have some qualification? She ignored all the signs her son was feeling miserable in school, only had scorn for him not fitting the "intellectual" profile, and actually totally failed to cultivate her son's potential and talent, and she comes and complain she's disappointed? Wow. HE must be disappointed too: by his mother, but also by his whole wasted school years and childhood.

There's an easy fix to this. If they can afford it, set-up a little trust for grandchildren to pay for these kinds of extras if they want it. Problem solved

My ADHD radar is on red

People are being so mean to the mom. 1) From this post it shows she's conflicted on her feelings where she is proud of some qualities and disappointed in the education aspect, which is what was probably a long-term goal she had set when providing and caring for him. 2) it doesn't seem like she's made any drastic comments as her son feels comfortable being upfront with not going back to school, pregnant girl friend, wanting second kid showing gold communication and trust. 3) she is reaching out to others to get a feel because she's uncertain. She doesn't know what to feel so she's doing the responsible thing and asking for insight. 4) she seems aware of the fact that part of her displeasure is based on social expectations. It seems to me she's doing her best, I think she's a great mom, even though she seems to have high expectations. IMO I think she should bring up trade schools to him because it could greatly improve his income with shorter schooling.

Mom (and I say this as a mom of an 18 year old) needs to let her kid figure out his own life!

Butt out. Your son is an adult and if he is content with his lifestyle then what's the problem? University isn't for everyone and it sounds like he is not the acedemic type. It doesn't mean he is stupid. There is absolutely no shame in learning a trade. He sounds like a responsible young man who works hard and pays his own way, even if it is paycheck to paycheck. Be proud of that not ashamed. I could never live up to my mother's impossibly high standards (nothing I did was ever right even when I exceeded expectations) and even now decades later I feel like a failure, like nothing I do is ever good enough.

Get over yourself lady, he struggled at higher education and HATED IT, and YOU KNOW IT. other than suggesting a trades school, which might lead to a higher wage, BACK OFF. you're an IQ snob who is embarrassed by your son's lack of EXPENSIVE college/university education. He is better suited to a hard labor job with his hands than an INTELLECTUAL PURSUIT JOB, and proved it to you already.

He sounds happy and to be doing well. He may not be a high achiever, but he sounds like a great guy.

Dear mum (since when is this idiotic "dear whatever" normal?) is a classist imbecile. She had plans and she wanted a plasticine son who fits exactly in those plans. She doesn't understand her son has his own life, and his own plans for the future. The man probably had some kind of learning disability (dyslexia is more common than people think) and struggled at school, but I bet you anything she didn't try to understand why or to find help for him. She wanted a "perfect" son to show off with her friends. She can't see her son is perfect in his own way, hardworking, a loving family man... My father's mother was like her. These people are toxic. I hope the son goes very low contact, because she can poison everything she touches, and ruin everybody's lives around her.

I would suggest online school if OP want to suggest her son to study. Both for his son and his girlfriend. Being able to 'get by' is fine and all, but I don't think OP is wrong to suggest her son to do more. What if there's emergency and they need money? I don't want to jinx them, but disasters and illnesses cost lots of money.

I wish people would not use abbreviations without using what they are supposed to stand for at least once. What is DS? what is DH? What is HA?

Education isnt for everyone. While people should give it a shot i respect why ppl dont. Its unGODLY expensive and thats money waste if it doesnt work out. Some people are fine with just labor jobs that allow them the ablity to stay at home. I personlly am also bad academically but i wanna prove myself smart and have just started my masters program. Yes its very hard very strrssful and the loans are gonna kill me...but i did it for me n no one else. Thats how it should be. Let it be his decision maybe down the line he will find his own passion to do so! You are NEVER too old to learn n go to college

I read this as his wanting to do his life the opposite of how his mother did hers.

If OP's son is working two jobs while having one child, how many jobs will he have to work for another child? The math doesn't work out here.

She sounds like a classist snob. I am not happy with all the decisions my adult children have made, but they're happy, and that means more to me than my imaginings for them. He's got things figured out, and yeah the second job sucks, but he's doing that so their daughter has a sahm, it also saves on child care. There are trade offs in all families, and as long as the son and his gf are ok with their arrangements, who's right is it to complain?

With a mom like that I'd snub the richy rich club too. She's so judgemental. Embarrassed by her own child, all because other parents have over achieving kids? She's awful.

As soon as I see a ton of abbreviations, I stop reading. People have become soooooooo damn lazy.

When writing, people tend to clarify their thoughts as they go. Here, she admitted she was embarrassed by her son's lack of education and ambition. This is absolutely her problem. He seems to be a responsible young man who is living the life he chooses. Maybe he won't be able to give his kids some or all of the experiences others can give to their kids, but he will have more time to share with his kids and that is, or can be, priceless. Maybe, when his kids are a little older and the disparities between his income and that of his siblings WILK be more pronounced. Maybe, if his nieces and nephews vacation in Europe or have the latest toys, OP's son will see things differently, but regardless, it's his, and his GF's choice. OP needs to let go and celebrate knowing her son is a good man, good partner and a good father