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Man Is Beyond Hurt After His Mother Calls Herself A “First Time Mom” After Having A Second Child
Being a parent is an amazing experience that requires effort, patience, and love. However, it can be extra difficult for someone who has a child too young and doesn’t have the resources to look after them. This is what happened to a woman who got pregnant at 16 but wasn’t able to raise her baby.
Later in life, when she had a second kid, she truly felt like a mother. Unfortunately, she voiced those exact thoughts out loud to her firstborn son without thinking. He definitely didn’t take it well.
More info: Reddit
Mom can afford luxuries and a better lifestyle for her second child and says that she feels like she’s experiencing motherhood for the first time, her older son feels hurt by her words
Image credits: Mikhail Nilov / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The poster’s mom had him as a teen and lacked the maturity to raise him, so his grandparents looked after him till he was around 12 years old, after which his mom could take him back
Image credits: Anastasia Shuraeva / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The man shared that his 40-year-old mom got married, became financially stable, and recently gave birth to a baby who she bought many expensive accessories for
Image credits: Filip Wouters / Pexels (not the actual photo)
When he had gone to visit his mother, she told him that now she truly felt like a first-time mom because when she had him, she had been inexperienced and financially vulnerable
Image credits: Quiet-Vermicelli7444
The guy felt hurt that his mom considered herself a first-time mother only after having another kid
The poster did mention that he has a good relationship with his mom now as a 24-year-old. Earlier on, when she had him at 16, she was not in the right financial and emotional space to be able to look after him. Luckily, her parents took on the responsibility despite being in poor financial circumstances. That’s why she was able to go and finish her college education.
Many teen girls aren’t this fortunate. Either due to lack of support, poor finances, or other responsibilities, pregnant teen girls often have to drop out of school. Around 51% of teen moms don’t get a high school diploma, and many don’t graduate at all. This can severely impact their future and their ability to get work.
It’s also important to note that newborn or infant care is extremely expensive. It’s hard to imagine a teen mom being able to afford all the costs that come with raising a child while also studying or holding down a job. Luckily, in this case, it seems like OP’s grandparents didn’t burden their daughter with those responsibilities and took it upon themselves to provide.
The poster’s mom worked hard and improved her life so that she could get a place and take her son to live with her. Eventually, she even got married and became financially stable. So, when she had her second child, she was able to afford many luxuries for him that she probably couldn’t give her firstborn.
Image credits: Christian Erfurt / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
When the poster came to visit his mom, she said something that really hurt his feelings. She told him that she finally felt like she could experience motherhood, almost as if it was the first time. He felt pained by her words and probably even jealous.
Even though it was hurtful, her words made sense. She struggled a lot as a teen mom, but now, as an adult living a stable life, she could finally experience the joys of being a mother. In fact, teen moms go through intense physical, psychological, social, and spiritual challenges. So, it’s no wonder that the woman feels grateful for her life now.
The guy might have been hurt because he misunderstood his mother’s words and felt like she was saying she only became a mom after having her second kid. She probably didn’t mean to word it that way, but the damage was done as soon as she blurted it out.
The OP and his mother’s relationship might be alright now, but it certainly is a complicated one. He was also probably forced to grow up and become mature very young just because of his life circumstances. That’s why hearing his mother’s words and seeing the way she was looking after his half-brother probably caused him a lot more pain and jealousy than he expected.
Do you think the author was justified in getting angry with his mother? We’d love to hear your opinion on this situation.
Netizens tried to comfort the poster, and a few shared their own experiences of being raised by teen moms
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What do you think about the mother's comment that she finally feels like she's experiencing motherhood for the first time?
Libstak 2 months ago
He is NTA but he has very much misunderstood her words. Yes she phrased it badly and now can't take it back. She was 16 unmarried, single with no support from the father with an unplanned but nonetheless wanted baby who she could not be the mum women dream of being to their children, she had no support or finances for the life she believed a mother should be having with and providing for their child. Now she has all that and can experience fully being a mum, not a scared teenager with SATS and college and no money. She will spend at least 50% of her time wishing she could have done all this for her first born but she is very grateful at the same time to provide it to her next child.
Anna V 2 months ago
I feel it's not really the expensive stuff or the way she expressed herself. He probably feels like she is now happy to be a mom while she could also be happy she was his mom back then although things were rough for her.
Cronecast AtTheRisingMoon 2 months ago
I think you’re right, he so well adjusted but as a little kid he likely felt as if his mother didn’t want him. All the evidence of how much she is celebrating this baby had to sting, and then she really misspoke badly. I think the OP is understandably hurt but not thinking about how much stress and fear must have surrounded his own birth through no fault of his,. Poor guy, I feel for him, she really did stick her foot in it. She also just had a baby so is likely exhausted and not thinking before speaking.
Load More Replies...
Sami-Jo Ross 2 months ago
OP is SOOO NTA, but I might be a little biased. My birthing unit abandoned me to move to Georgia with her affair partner when I was 7, and when she had a son she had the balls to post on Facebook about her "first-born child".
R Dennis 2 months ago
Yeah... yours, wow, is a whole different story with a well earned bias. Sorry your incubator sucked.
Load More Replies... R Dennis 2 months ago
NAH. We raised my stepkids on low funds. By the time we had our daughter, we were financially better and she has grown up with more than they did. I still do for the older kids and tell them it's my opportunity to do the things I couldn't afford when they were younger. When they say they don't need it, I just tell them that I do. I think the mother was talking about all the stuff she missed with the oldest, but op took it the wrong way.
RAM31280 2 months ago
NTA, you can't control how you feel about her words, only how you react to your feelings. But she is NTA too, she did not call herself a first time mother, like the headline says, she said she feels like a first time mother, and gave examples, as she did not have the chance to fully experience motherhood as she had to finish high school and go to college, while her parents primarily raised OP. I think OP is only focusing on the words that hurt them, not looking at the full statement.
meeeeeeeeeeee 2 months ago
Neither are a******s. He's oversensitive and she didn't mean to hurt him.
Papa 2 months ago (edited)
I agree, and I gave you an up vote to get you back to zero. He over reacted to an offhand comment.
Load More Replies...
Red Skye 2 months ago
Say I feel like you equate luxury goods with motherhood, and your baby is just another luxury good to you. When you get over being brand obsessed POS maybe I'll talk to you again, in the mean time I will make damned sure everyone KNOWS you are NOT a first time mum, you put 'the good life' and pursuing it ahead of your FIRST CHILD, fobbed off responsibility to someone else, and your afraid when the credit card bill for all these designer brand baby goods come in she might DO IT AGAIN.
Lydsylou (she/her) 2 months ago
She never said she was a first time mum just that she felt that way. In a sense she is correct though she phrases it badly. She's not a first time mum but it is her first time being a mum. She does have another child but she's never looked after a child before. I think he is NTA but it's nothing to get hung up over just something that could be talked out and resolved
Dij 2 months ago
Firstborn child. Though not to this extent, I've been in OP's place. Yeah, it hurts knowing your birth order made you the unlucky one. You don't get the best just because you were born first. Ouch. It's one of the reasons I chose not to have kids. I refuse for my firstborn to get the worst of me by virtue being the firstborn. That's nonsense. OP's mom really should've considered her words better.
Angela C 2 months ago
Also a firstborn and sometimes, the opposite is true. In some ways I had it better than my younger siblings. They were better off financially when I was younger. They were younger and had more energy. Their parents were younger and more able to help them out. Their attention wasn't spread as thin so they had more time for me. When I was in middle school my dad tore his rotator cuff. It affected us financially, since he was out on comp and disability for months. It also meant that things he used to be able to do. I have fond memories before that of playing catch and tennis with him. My younger siblings were never able to do that. When I was in high school my mom and I would have "girls days" when I had days off from school that my siblings didn't and we'd have lunch and play games and watch movies. When my siblings got to that age she was busy taking care of her aging, dying parents and grandmother. So I got a better version of them than my brother and sister did.
Load More Replies...
Fox with a Dragon Tattoo 2 months ago (edited)
So... she had him at 16, but "couldnt" be a parent until TWENTY EIGHT? Hard f**k her. And the gaudy expensive baby sh*t just makes her extra trashy. Hes right to be upset, she showed exactly who she is and always was.
Lydsylou (she/her) 2 months ago
Why should she be rushed into having children? She made mistakes as a teenager and probably saw how her child was raised in such a bad situation that she made the nature decision to wait until she had enough money (evidently shown buy the branded baby items) to raise a child right. I think that's why she said she was a first time mum as well because even though she's had a child she wasn't in the right condition to be a mum until now. Her waiting so long shows maturity and care for her child
Load More Replies... Libstak 2 months ago
He is NTA but he has very much misunderstood her words. Yes she phrased it badly and now can't take it back. She was 16 unmarried, single with no support from the father with an unplanned but nonetheless wanted baby who she could not be the mum women dream of being to their children, she had no support or finances for the life she believed a mother should be having with and providing for their child. Now she has all that and can experience fully being a mum, not a scared teenager with SATS and college and no money. She will spend at least 50% of her time wishing she could have done all this for her first born but she is very grateful at the same time to provide it to her next child.
Anna V 2 months ago
I feel it's not really the expensive stuff or the way she expressed herself. He probably feels like she is now happy to be a mom while she could also be happy she was his mom back then although things were rough for her.
Cronecast AtTheRisingMoon 2 months ago
I think you’re right, he so well adjusted but as a little kid he likely felt as if his mother didn’t want him. All the evidence of how much she is celebrating this baby had to sting, and then she really misspoke badly. I think the OP is understandably hurt but not thinking about how much stress and fear must have surrounded his own birth through no fault of his,. Poor guy, I feel for him, she really did stick her foot in it. She also just had a baby so is likely exhausted and not thinking before speaking.
Load More Replies... Sami-Jo Ross 2 months ago
OP is SOOO NTA, but I might be a little biased. My birthing unit abandoned me to move to Georgia with her affair partner when I was 7, and when she had a son she had the balls to post on Facebook about her "first-born child".
R Dennis 2 months ago
Yeah... yours, wow, is a whole different story with a well earned bias. Sorry your incubator sucked.
Load More Replies... R Dennis 2 months ago
NAH. We raised my stepkids on low funds. By the time we had our daughter, we were financially better and she has grown up with more than they did. I still do for the older kids and tell them it's my opportunity to do the things I couldn't afford when they were younger. When they say they don't need it, I just tell them that I do. I think the mother was talking about all the stuff she missed with the oldest, but op took it the wrong way.
RAM31280 2 months ago
NTA, you can't control how you feel about her words, only how you react to your feelings. But she is NTA too, she did not call herself a first time mother, like the headline says, she said she feels like a first time mother, and gave examples, as she did not have the chance to fully experience motherhood as she had to finish high school and go to college, while her parents primarily raised OP. I think OP is only focusing on the words that hurt them, not looking at the full statement.
meeeeeeeeeeee 2 months ago
Neither are a******s. He's oversensitive and she didn't mean to hurt him.
Papa 2 months ago (edited)
I agree, and I gave you an up vote to get you back to zero. He over reacted to an offhand comment.
Load More Replies... Red Skye 2 months ago
Say I feel like you equate luxury goods with motherhood, and your baby is just another luxury good to you. When you get over being brand obsessed POS maybe I'll talk to you again, in the mean time I will make damned sure everyone KNOWS you are NOT a first time mum, you put 'the good life' and pursuing it ahead of your FIRST CHILD, fobbed off responsibility to someone else, and your afraid when the credit card bill for all these designer brand baby goods come in she might DO IT AGAIN.
Lydsylou (she/her) 2 months ago
She never said she was a first time mum just that she felt that way. In a sense she is correct though she phrases it badly. She's not a first time mum but it is her first time being a mum. She does have another child but she's never looked after a child before. I think he is NTA but it's nothing to get hung up over just something that could be talked out and resolved
Dij 2 months ago
Firstborn child. Though not to this extent, I've been in OP's place. Yeah, it hurts knowing your birth order made you the unlucky one. You don't get the best just because you were born first. Ouch. It's one of the reasons I chose not to have kids. I refuse for my firstborn to get the worst of me by virtue being the firstborn. That's nonsense. OP's mom really should've considered her words better.
Angela C 2 months ago
Also a firstborn and sometimes, the opposite is true. In some ways I had it better than my younger siblings. They were better off financially when I was younger. They were younger and had more energy. Their parents were younger and more able to help them out. Their attention wasn't spread as thin so they had more time for me. When I was in middle school my dad tore his rotator cuff. It affected us financially, since he was out on comp and disability for months. It also meant that things he used to be able to do. I have fond memories before that of playing catch and tennis with him. My younger siblings were never able to do that. When I was in high school my mom and I would have "girls days" when I had days off from school that my siblings didn't and we'd have lunch and play games and watch movies. When my siblings got to that age she was busy taking care of her aging, dying parents and grandmother. So I got a better version of them than my brother and sister did.
Load More Replies... Fox with a Dragon Tattoo 2 months ago (edited)
So... she had him at 16, but "couldnt" be a parent until TWENTY EIGHT? Hard f**k her. And the gaudy expensive baby sh*t just makes her extra trashy. Hes right to be upset, she showed exactly who she is and always was.
Lydsylou (she/her) 2 months ago
Why should she be rushed into having children? She made mistakes as a teenager and probably saw how her child was raised in such a bad situation that she made the nature decision to wait until she had enough money (evidently shown buy the branded baby items) to raise a child right. I think that's why she said she was a first time mum as well because even though she's had a child she wasn't in the right condition to be a mum until now. Her waiting so long shows maturity and care for her child
Load More Replies...
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