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30 People Share The Dead Wrong Things Their Parents Taught Them, And There Is Actual Wisdom In Their Realizations
As kids, we see our parents as all-knowing people. However, as the years pass, we realize that our moms and dads are just regular humans after all, and that they too don't have all the answers. So we start looking elsewhere.
There's an interesting study published in the British Journal of Political Science, based on data from the U.S. and U.K., which found that parents who are insistent that their children adopt their political views inadvertently influence their children to abandon the belief once they become adults.
This can be explained by the fact that children who come from homes where politics is a frequent topic of discussion are more likely to talk about politics once they leave home, exposing them to new viewpoints—which they then adopt with surprising frequency.
Similar transformations happen in other areas as well. To get a better understanding of them, Reddit users u/nousername1982 and u/ZestyClose_Ad4682 recently started threads asking people to share the things their parents taught them that turned out to be totally wrong. Here are some of the responses, ranging from romantic relationships to personal finance, that we thought might be interesting and worthy of your time.
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#1
"If a boy acts like a jerk, it means he likes you!"
No...just no...
First of all, he shouldn't be let off the hook for acting like a jerk. (Whether he's 5 or 105.) Secondly, it teaches girls that abuse is okay, or that they should expect to be treated like crap (and that it's okay for them to be treated like crap.)
StarmanWaitingInTheSky 2 years ago
I swear this was initially an embarrassment tactic for the boys to stop pestering girls and it originally stopped being said to the boys at "courting" age. (I put quotes because it's so cheesy and old-fashioned to say "courting", and not something I say normally.)
RELATED:
#2
That sex, sexuality, drinking/drugs/partying, politics, money, spirituality are awkward things to discuss. I want my future kids to know facts and that if they are ever in trouble, I am a safe place for them. We don't have to talk about it if they don't want to, they'll be taught how to be safe, but they should also know that these subjects are a part of life and should not cause shame.
StarmanWaitingInTheSky 2 years ago (edited)
I didn't have a safe place to talk about anything, so I made sure I am the safe place for my kid, too. Nothing will shock me. I will not judge, just listen. However, some things do need to be talked about no matter if anyone wants to hear it or not.
We managed to get in touch with one of the Redditors that sparked this discussion, u/nousername1982 and they agreed to have a talk about their post and parenting in general.
"I don't really [remember] what I was doing exactly [when I came up with the idea to ask the internet this question]," they told Bored Panda.
"But, I have kids myself who are very curious and ask questions all the time. I made a promise to myself to be as honest with them as possible (without spoiling Christmas). But sometimes it is difficult to give a genuine answer because the truth would make something more difficult to accept. I've seen many Redditors posting about parents telling them they 'can do anything.' I believe those motivational speeches are essential for a child. Probably most of the stories were a variation of that."
#3
If you stop reacting, they'll stop bullying you.
StarmanWaitingInTheSky 2 years ago
This hits hard. It was the teachers and daycare staff that were saying this trash to me, though. My mom sorta ignored it and thought I was doing something to cause other kids to bully me. No support. Nothing. This carries into adulthood. Eventually you stop caring what other people think but there is a stronger need to be heard the loudest, so you end up repeating the injustices you experience in life to friends and family until they acknowledge your plight, which never happens because you're being a downer, an attention-seeker, and a boring repeater. But you're not really trying to be any of that. You just want to understand why people are shitty towards you of all people.
#4
Lack of empathy. My parents grew up in a really really horrible situation and they made it out and did well for themselves. So now anytime anyone struggles they refuse to feel bad for them because they have gone through worse and did fine. I think people deserve empathy regardless.
StarmanWaitingInTheSky 2 years ago
I don't know this guy's story or where he comes from, if he's homeless or has a home and struggling with something. I was at Subway and saw him chatting with the staff. He left with nothing. As soon as I started asking what he wanted they said he wanted food, and that he comes in frequently and they used to give him free food but can't continue doing that. I was going to buy him something if that was the case. I was a bit hesitant hearing that it's been a regular occurrence but then I thought I've been homeless and hungry before. Why the hell not. I bought a $10 gift card for them to use it towards him the next time he shows up. If he doesn't show up, someone's got a free gift card regardless and that is just fine.
u/nousername1982 thinks that parents and their kids every now and then simply end up on different terms. "Sometimes parents have priorities that kids don't understand, like 'Why are they always having to work that much?' Truth is, at least in my case, I don't have to work that hard, but I'm motivated to advance my career. I'm not working to pay for the food, house, or toys. I'm working for the extras."
"Also, most parents strive to have an easy life, which is sometimes difficult to combine with kids. You don't want to tell your kids they can't have something because mom or dad doesn't want to make the effort," the Redditor continued. "My parents told me I had to quit my favorite sport because of a kid that was dealing drugs in the club. Later, I realized it was because the drive was too much of a hassle. The drug dealer had little to do in the decision."
#5
That parents never have to apologize to their kids.
I love my dad. He is a great dad and I know he loves me so much, but he has it in his head that even now, even when his youngest (me) is an adult, that he doesn't need to apologize if he does something wrong. It's baffling.
StarmanWaitingInTheSky 2 years ago
Same here. Mine barely uses basic manners with me. She does with everyone else. Just not me.
#6
Math and science aren’t gonna serve a girl well.
I would had killed to have someone reared me into STEM when I was younger.
StarmanWaitingInTheSky 2 years ago
I wish I had more access to electronics and the computer and internet.
Even though the idea of lying to your kids sounds harsh at first, a study published in the International Journal of Psychology found that 84 percent of the American parents surveyed do it to get them to behave. This is also known as 'instrumental lying.'
While the decision when to use it is ultimately up to the parents, there are certain situations where it's considered more acceptable. For instance, the fictional story of Santa Claus is universally known, and many young children learn it from their moms and dads. So long as they're not using Santa to threaten the little ones into behaving, it's perfectly fine. Interestingly, one study, published in Child Psychiatry and Human Development, discovered that children who eventually found out the truth about Santa Claus reacted positively to the news.
#7
"Respect your elders" but in the sense that you should just keep quiet when you disagree with somebody older than you - turns out many people are awful regardless of their age. Don't get me wrong, my default is to respect any new person I meet, but when a person has repeatedly shown me that they don't are about my feelings or even basic logic, I won't hold back from speaking my mind calmly, even if they see this as disrespectful.
John Smith 2 years ago
My grandad taught me that respect is earned, there is no situation where respect is to be given just because. You don't just get respect from being old. He was a man I respected, and he earned it multiple times over.
#8
Finish your plate. B*tch that is what all that Tupperware is for.
However, it's important to remember that there are other ways to go about it. Although parental lying is common, too much of it may lead to negative long-term effects. In a study where the researchers surveyed 379 young Singaporean adults who reported their parents lying during their childhood, they discovered that the participants who were lied to as children were more likely to lie to their parents as adults.
The study also suggested that parental dishonesty can create trust issues and problems externalizing certain emotions, like aggression.
#9
That crying is shameful.
Chinmayee Kalghatgi 2 years ago
I had a tendency of crying to easily when i was younger so now nobody takes me seriously when i am in visible distress
#10
That you need to hustle 100% of the time and be constantly busy with school/work, extra activities, side projects, cleaning etc. Spending time unwinding is a sign of laziness and boredeom and intelligent people are never bored. This really messed me up and I'm still learning the art of wasting time.
"I read some stories about pets that 'ran away,'" u/nousername1982 said. "I too discovered 20 years after the 'dog ran away' that he was euthanized. I can imagine the truth is difficult to share with kids."
"Other lies are just lame, with no excuse. I shared the story that my father told me he had to get A's every day at work. Of course, that is not true, and it didn't help me to get motivated. A friend of mine tells his kids about a 'dangerous man' coming at night if the kids are not good. This is just bad parenting."
Even though the Redditor believes it's impossible to raise a kid without lies, they nonetheless think that parents should strive to be honest.
#11
My mum made me believe that privacy was a privilege. Wasn't until I started studying childcare and learning in depth about the rights of the child that I learned it is a right and that my mum is full of bullsh*t
#12
“Bullies are cowards.”
No they aren’t. They’re evil scum who are naively capable of ruining your life for decades after. And they’re not afraid to do so.
Panda en Pyjama 2 years ago
Cowards? They are anything but cowards, they feel all powerful because they literally massacre children who have done nothing to them, well hidden behind the school garbage cans. And if by some miracle this child manages to talk about it, to a teacher or a supervisor, these assholes are smart enough to make everyone believe that it was you who started it and WORST that you deserved it. A "big" (12) girl from daycare (I was 6/7 years old) spent three years telling me every night "your mother is dead, she won't come to get you, she will never come back". It created anxieties in me that I still feel today... But Go die Sarah!!!!
If you're contemplating whether or not to bend the truth, experts advise to ask yourself a few questions first:
- Are you only helping them in the short term, which might affect things in the future?
- Will your lie confuse them or give them unrealistic expectations of people?
- Is the lie for you or them?
- Are they able to understand the truth?
Often, a child's age and maturity determine whether or not a lie is the way to go!
#14
Tell me the truth I won't be mad.
Panda en Pyjama 2 years ago
Aaaaaaaaand that's how you get to be punished (in the best case) for something as trivial as having forgotten to start the washing machine for the mother-in-law...
#15
That you have to “suffer for love” (I’m a chick). Thanks mom, you set me up for a lifetime of trying to change narcissistic losers.
Panda en Pyjama 2 years ago
My "best friend" when I was a teenager (15), told me that in love or in friendship, if we didn't suffer, it wasn't real... Yeah, of course...
#16
My dad always said. "Children should be seen and not heard." I'm not a big fan of that one
#17
Well I was mostly raised by my grandparents. We lived in an all white community and my grandparents believed every terrible thing they had ever been told about black people. I spent my youth being fed those lies but everyone I knew was white and I couldn’t imagine it being true. When I got to college I met my first non white people and was able to verify that the things they believed just weren’t true.
And luckily both of them realized that before they passed away.
#19
‘’Parents always know what’s best for their child’’
#20
They're not gay, they're just confused.
ᴠᴀ̈ɪɴᴏ🇺🇦 2 years ago (edited)
bullshite. so what if they're gay? if ya got a problem don't look. just live under a freaking rock your entire life
barbie me 2 years ago (edited)
My grandson is gay and I could not be more proud. He is a wonderful person and I am looking forward to meeting a wonderful boyfriend in the future 🥰
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Anine C 2 years ago
My mom, an original feminist and WWII nurse, used to always say, "They must be born that way because why would anyone choose to be gay?" So one day I replied, "Of course being a woman isn't a choice, because why would anyone choose to be born one in a male dominated society?" Then she finally understood; it's not your identity that make life difficult or pleasant, it's how people react to your identity.
C.Douglas 2 years ago
I would go a step further and say we're all confused at this point regardless of our demographics.
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StarmanWaitingInTheSky 2 years ago
I've heard worse from within my family, I'm embarrassed to say. We had a gay mayor for a while. Yup. Lots of intolerance was said.
Wistiti 2 years ago
My 5 wants to marry a girl when she grows up because boys are useless. "No, boys are not useless. But you can marry whomever you want."
Fierrochase4life 2 years ago
Hah. My sister (also 5) is VERY convinced that she will be marrying her best friend Harper.
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Benita Valdez 2 years ago
Oh and bi is just an experimental phase and you're really just gay or super confused. That was a really annoying and frustrating one for me; why was it so hard just to except men and women turn me on? Maybe I'm just too indecisive
Kuchi Kopi 2 years ago
No your e bi, and that's ok. Also your sexuality can change throughout your life! That's totally normal! I'm bi and sometimes I like men more, sometimes I'm more into women. Its more about the person and their personality than it is about what gender they are. Thatis totally a thing and you are perfect just the way you are.
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buttonpusher 2 years ago
My mother still talks about it like it's a choice. She says she doesn't understand why someone would want to be gay. Tried to explain that someone can feel the same way about straight people. "Why? Being straight is normal." Tbh I gave up. She's one of those people you can't get through to.
rn42 2 years ago
She might legit be bi, having "chosen" to just "be straight" she thinks it's like that for everyone.
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HarriMissesScotland 2 years ago
In Florida, the governor and his cronies would make it illegal to be gay.
Jesus Christ 2 years ago
the people who say LGBTQ+ are confused, are the ones who are confused
RafCo 2 years ago
I never really got this from my parents, as much as I got this from my peers. I grew up in the "gay" as insult era. My parents taught me that homosexuality is a mere fact of biology. They added no more shame to it, then to being short or tall. It was my friends who really pushed the gay = bad ideology. Where they got that from... I can only guess.
Vickie Tackett 2 years ago
I was raised in a Extremely racist home. I learned that, it's sickening to be racist. To me, everyone is the same on the outside, and on the inside. Everyone, gas a mind if their own. People, can be an inspiration to me! My mom, and dad, would turn over in their Graves if they knew, I've become Non-racist. Dear God! What they would have done if they knew, My daughter, is gay. I love her with all of my heart! It's her choice, and her life. They would have disowned me if they knew that I support it. I love her friends to death! They all call me, Mom. I love it when they come to visit!
Kuchi Kopi 2 years ago
That's great that you've not come away as the same views as you've parents. And awesome that you support your daughter! I would just add that its not really a choice for her, she was born who she is. But yes she does get to make her own choices in general and that's amazing that you love her and support her so much!
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Kelly Taylor 2 years ago
My mom used to work in a prestigious hotel in/near the gay district of Dallas. One day I saw a guy "with breasts" and my mom said "that's what happens if you smoke too much pot". It's a great lady but her child rearing tactics were beyond my comprehension sometimes
Samuel Pelatan 2 years ago
I uderstand it is a way for straight to silence gay people. But actuallywhy not both ? Searching for you sexual orientation is a long, deep, journey and i wish people would understand it. It put a lot of pressure to come out because we are told we need to be sure. F**k that, i'm attracted to both gender now, maybe it was not always the case, maybe it will not always be the case. People change, just accept them as they are now.
Kuchi Kopi 2 years ago
Its totally normal for our sexuality to change and develop throughout our lives!
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Keri Mascagni 2 years ago
Yeh ok, this one really makes me mad. People just are who they are, leave them alone or love them as they are.
That le$b1@n 2 years ago
When I was a teenager and had just recently came out to my parents, they took away my door saying "Privacy is a privilege, and you just proved to us that you are not trustworthy." I spent most of my teenage life crying in my open room because I had to hide the fact that I liked girls, while getting boyfriend to please them. I now realize that they are complete assholes. I am so grateful that I was able to escape them at an early age.
Wren Kaiser 2 years ago
"Privacy is a privilege, and you just proved to us that you are not trustworthy." I literally snarled aloud at this line, (and yes it’s weird but it’s just a thing for me to react with).. Well, I support you! I have a female friend who’s into girls and she is amazing 🤩. You shouldn’t have to get a boyfriend just for their happiness! Can’t they see how much pain they caused you?
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Sharon Nicole 2 years ago
They're young so they don't know what they feel. I hate that with a passion 😒
Micah Chips 🇺🇦 2 years ago
i think i'd know if i was possessed XD (or at least have some idea of it)
Load More Replies... G. Willickers II 2 years ago
My cousin came out and my grandpa told him he just hadn't found the right girl. Once he realized he was 100% and it wasn't a "phase" he fully supports him and his bf
SelkieBlackfysh 2 years ago
I'll never understand the issue people take with gays. It literally does not effect you that Larry and Steve are deeply in love and in a relationship. You can explain to your child that sometimes some people feel that way and it's fine. You don't need to feel forced in either direction of feeling. Live your life and let them live theirs.
Majastar Dominus 2 years ago
Lol mind is blown by gayism, therefore must be confusion. Can't compute, must rationalize.
EdithfrancinecarterBarefield Barefield Barefield 2 years ago
Who appointed you overseer of life?
Eliza May 2 years ago
May be true in some cases for younger children (pubescent and prepubescent who are developing their sense of self in an adult sexual world, and are most easily influenced by what they see or don't see in peer groups) but by the time you are around 16 or older, you pretty well know your preferences. People will love who they love.
Brian Bennett 2 years ago
Why do people think being gay is a choice you are what you are meant to be!
Sabrina Bowen 2 years ago
In my home it was "They're gay because they made a choice to follow evil." Both my sister and I are LGBTQIA....
David Force 2 years ago
I once joked with my teenage daughter that I wished she was gay because I was certain no man ever born would be good enough for her. She would talk about friends from school and I would be surprised when I met them because they would be a different race or sexual orientation and she never mentioned that to me. When I asked her why she didn’t tell me that she said “why would I?” I think that is awesome. This is the best generation ever.
Shreeky 2 years ago
"you will go to hell if you like someone the same sex as you" (my dad back when I was growing up when he was a preacher) "No school dances and no proms, all they are is a way for teens to have sex." Or was told "your brothers and sisters never went to dances or proms when they were in HS neither are you"
Wolf Queen 2 years ago
I'm gay. I'm not confused. I've been gay for years. it is ok to be confused about your sexuality tho.
James Nelson Jr 2 years ago
Or if they cross dress they don't know what gender they are, I'm not confused I just feel more comfortable in women's clothing
GPZ 2 years ago
This attitude is so archaic. Yes, I would imagine there can be some uncertainty/confusion for someone while they are trying to develop their own gender identity, especially where they are from an environment that is less than accepting of anything other than heterosexuality, but once they have it figured out that confusion ceases but it's THEIR choice. We don't get to choose who we fall in love with.
Micah Chips 🇺🇦 2 years ago (edited)
I shi̶t you not, the other day my religious conservative christian mom pulled the "you're just confused" card on me and i just laughed as soon as i left the room. but it really does hurt. Recently, a series of unfortunate circumstances led to me being unwillingly outed (technically it was my teacher's fault but it really was an accident so i'm not mad.) but the things that have been said/overheard in the last month since mom and some other people found out: "you're not a they." ~my mom. "you're confused."~also my mom. "Tf? She wants to go by 'Micah'? Does that have anything to do with her name? How tf does Micah relate to [deadname]? Is that her middle name or something?" ~my best friend's stepdad. "you're struggling with your identity right now, but it's all right. we're here for you. you'll sort it out, [deadname], and realize you are a girl like the way God made you."~a church leader. "Huh? Wait, you got outted to mom? Oh. I'll pray for you."~my unsupportive older brother (next >>)
Micah Chips 🇺🇦 2 years ago
idk if anyone's going through something similar, but i just want to say. Be who you are. LGBTQ+ or not, you are VALID. to my fellow gender non-conforming peeps: it's your identity and you rock it. you're not confused, you're not "sinful" for it, you're not a disgrace. you are beautiful/handsome/amazing (pick your preferred compliment) and you are a human being and should be treated as such. to the rest of the LGBTQ+ community, the same message. currently my target audience is mostly people under nonbinary umbrella but this really goes for everyone ^^
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MessyMind32 2 years ago
A couple years ago I finally felt comfortable to come out as bi to a couple of my friends and was told I was "faking" by one. I'm in my mid 20s and still haven't come out to my parents. They're the type of people to say stuff like this.
Axolotl King 2 years ago
Ugh. Sunday in the car I had to listen to my dad give a rant about how it's not right for single mothers, single fathers, gay parents, polyamorous parents etc. to have kids because a kid has to have 1 mom and 1 dad in order to grow up correctly. Only 3 and 1/4 more years.
Addison Bonine 2 years ago
You can always choose to accept their choices and love them anyways. You dont always have to agree. You are entitled to believe what you want. While I think being gay is wrong, im not going to shame or be hateful to anyone who is. That is their decision. (Yes it is a choice)
Jan Steuck 2 years ago
Oh dear. I not 'gay' but I have friends who are. It is their life. I have a long time friend who "came out" . I was amazed only because I had no clue. Of course we are still friends.
Kuchi Kopi 2 years ago
Why are you putting the word gay in quotations? Its not a bad word.
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Dizz2K7 Gaming 2 years ago
Same could be said about straight people. But, this was more to avoid having a conversation about sex with a child, which is justifiable.
Maeve Quigley 10 months ago
I think it is pretty easy to tell a child about gay or straight people without mentioning sex
Load More Replies... Brian Willess 2 years ago
not all love is love. the woman who ran off with her son-in-law while daughter was giving birth said: "you can't help who the heart loves " what a copout. Gay is selfish love. illogical, unhealthy. are you a beast led by your whims? beast often eat their young.
meme lord 2 years ago
idk how gay love is any different from straight love. Why is gay love selfish? How does being gay make me a cannibal?
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meme lord 2 years ago
your mind is about as sharp as a sock full of soup. I'll pray for you, so the hate will one day leave your heart
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Draj 2 years ago
Might want to reword your post if you're serious... We didn't choose it.
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Kuchi Kopi 2 years ago
Its really not a choice. I'm assuming your straight, so let me ask you, did you choose to be straight? Did you try really hard to like men, try dating men, kissing men and then finally decide you just couldn't? You can't force yourself to like a gender you just don't. Gay people are pressured into trying to be straight for the world and it causes so much pain. We would never choose to go through that pain. Its not a f*****g choice.
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BAWK BAWK BAKAW 2 years ago
that doesnt make any sense???? if the kid is cis, then he isn't trans (obv lol) and if the kid is trans, then they are. i agree that a mother shouldn't force any kind of identity on a child, but that goes both ways. you can't make someone something they aren't. im starting to sound transphobic but don't take me the wrong way, i'm literally genderqueer myself.
Load More Replies... #21
That their love has conditions, and if not followed they will drop you in your time of need. Right or wrong, I hope my children will never feel like they can’t talk to me or that I will judge them.
StarmanWaitingInTheSky 2 years ago
And some elderly folks wonder why their family dumped them in a care home and don't want to contact them again.
#22
Saying, 'Do as I say, not as I do.' A leader shouldn't ask his followers to do something he wouldn't.
#23
That sex is something to be ashamed of.
Miss-Un-Derstood 2 years ago
Let me guess? Religious parents? Why are they SO obsessed with sex & punishment?
#24
That as long as we “have always been given everything we need we are loved”. The emotional abuse has ruined me
#25
The man of the house is always right.
#27
Don't worry about the college loans! You're smart, you'll get a good job and pay that off in a few years.
#28
That it is illegal to have the little ceiling light on in the car.
#29
That i basically have to be a smaller version of them, believe exactly what they do and not think for myself and have my own opinion. If i have kids id let them be open minded and believe what they want
#30
To try to fit in as much as possible and to please others, at the expense of who you really are on the inside.
What do you think ?
Rahul Pawa 2 years ago
"Don't be sad/scared/angry". Telling kids how to feel or not feel does a tremendous amount of harm.
Jasper Cool 2 years ago
I think the most harmful thing my dad ever told me was that boys/men are only interested in one thing from girls/women.
Z Davis 2 years ago
Most harmful thing my dad told me is that he was finally having the son he always wanted when I was 15 a week before my 16 birthday when he told me he was having another child. Wtf am I then u Kno. The son u never wanted.
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Leah Williams 2 years ago
It's mind-boggling that being attention-seeking is such a bad thing in the first place. Everyone needs attention !? And people who self harm often just need help, so why not just give that help to them!?
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Ruben M 2 years ago
Following my wife's example, a common saying to our kids is, it's ok to be (mad, sad, angry, stressed, etc), but it's not ok to (hit, scream at, throw, etc). We're not perfect parents, but I love that my toddlers are growing up feeling comfortable to feel and share their emotions and thoughts. Total opposite example given to each of us growing up. Parents constantly fighting, screaming at each other. My dad, for a time, would go to sleep with his pistol on his night stand telling my mom, "I haven't decided if I'm going to kill you tonight or not." The cycles don't have to continue!!!
Leah Williams 2 years ago
Yes I like this, I'm glad you're breaking the pattern and Oh wow I am so sorry to hear about that violence in your home, it sounds traumatic.
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Ray Arani 2 years ago
I remember being told repeatedly by my step father that I had no rights legally, that as a child, I wasn't even considered a citizen, and that he owned me. Usually in response to me trying to speak up against his abuse or threatening to tell someone. I kept silent until well into adulthood when I found out he'd been abusing my significantly younger siblings too. I'd thought he treated them better because they were his actual kids and he wanted them, which was true, but only to an extent. Abusive people are going to be abusive to anyone they have power over.
HANNA 2 years ago
That only pretty girls are molested or harressed so I don't have to worry about those sort of things. Tanks Mom...
FishiesRCute 2 years ago
My grandma told me that my kids should always by me first priority. The best thing my parents taught me: My spouse is my partner in life and my priority. Together, our top priority is our children. So many people can't grasp this concept and it leads to a lot of divorces and a lot of children that grow up with skewed views of what a healthy relationship is.
Jai Ariane 2 years ago (edited)
And kids will test any weaknesses they see in your relationship to see what they can get away with (asking the other parent when one already said "no", for example), which is normal stage of development, but if the parents have a strong relationship and communicate well they'll have a unified front the kids can't break (which benefits the whole family since the parents are looking out for the kids with their rules, etc.). This is assuming the parents do listen to their kids feelings, thoughts, opinions, etc. and take them into account when together deciding rules, etc. for the kids. When I say "unified front," I'm not implying a shutout or breakdown in communication.It's also leading by example as opposed to "do what I say, not as I do".
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Jamin P, Rose 2 years ago (edited)
"My dad used a bet to discipline me and it straightened me out." Fûck that, you do not use a wooden cooking spoon to spank someone, let alone when their reaction is ten fold what you'd expect. Especially if you're a step-father and not the primary caretaker. Should I have kids at some point, most likely by addoption, I will never treat them like that, ever. Also, BP, do you dare censor my comment. (Nice try.)
Cua Mercado 2 years ago (edited)
Well... This is awkward. But my dad used to cheat on my mom way often. He never said it was wrong but eventually I "learned" that it was OK. I cheated on my previous couples, he knew, and he didn't blink an eye. He just said: "they should have done something for you to cheat. Cheating is not for free." Dude, literally... I lived some awesome relationships going to waste because I thought it was ok, or to better say it, there were no consequences on cheating. I had to learn my own way how much it hurts others and how much it ruins lives. I was also OK to be cheated on. If my mom was, why wouldn't I? Life was not monogamous... I can say that realizing the truth has been the most painful lesson I'm still learning.
Shreeky 2 years ago
The first time I ever thought "if I have kids I would never do them like I was done on something that is very important to every little kid and I ruined it for my whole 2nd grade class cause of what I was told. I didn't know that I was the only kid in my whole class that was told when I was a toddler bout parents lies to their kids about Santa, that there has never been and never will be a Santa Claus... There really was a man named Saint Nicholas though. I told my class when someone asked me what I wanted Santa to bring me for Christmas. Told them Santa wasn't real that our mom's and dad's buys our Christmas presents not a fake man name Santa. It's your dad or grabdpa in Santa suit. The whole class was crying and I got sent to the office over it. They called and told my parents what I did and they said Good those kids needed to know that Santa is not real that a true Christian wouldn't lie about Santa to their child. That's when they knew the reason why I said there's no Santa
Shreeky 2 years ago
Don't worry my kids believed in Santa until they were 9. I had to break it to em when some little kid pulled Santas beard down at Bass Pro shop and my youngest daughter was always terrified of him when she saw that when she was 4. Had to pull my oldest to the side to explain why that man pretended to be Santa. Her younger sister found out bout "Santas Helpers" until she was 9.
Load More Replies...
lonnie sanders 2 years ago
Work hard and be loyal to you company or emloyer and you will be rewarded. Wow, It must have been nice growing up in the 50s.
Nicole Normand 2 years ago
By age 12 I already had a whole list of what not to say or do to my own children based on what I saw or heard from my parents and siblings. I have a grateful family of my own. Grateful as in I'm glad you followed your list.
Sarah Miles 2 years ago
As a kid (I would've been no older than 7, my brother no older than 5) I had an uncle who gifted us animals. The weirdest was a baby alligator that my parents later got rid of - they said it gave my brother nightmares. Another time, he got my brother and I bunnies. My dad built a hutch outside and they stayed out there. One night, we had a bad storm with tons of wind. Bunnies were gone the next day. Our parents said the bunnies got loose in the storm. At 32, I learned that that wasn't the case... Apparently they were given to an aunt and her family who had a bunch of animals; I think my parents thought it'd be better for these bunnies. Nope - it was their death sentence. Shortly after, Dad found out that they killed and ate them. My parents were shocked, but now they just think the relatives didn't get the pet part where bunnies were concerned. If they'd go rabbit hunting, that's a food animal (as opposed to dogs or cats).
Kelly Jo 2 years ago
When the child tells the parent that they feel they should see a therapist because they have made a few suicidal attempts; the parent should not respond with; "You made yourself depressed, figure your way out. I'm not taking you to a shrink. People will think poorly of us." Yep, was told that at 17 years old. Thank God for good friends being our therapists.
Sabrina Bowen 2 years ago
Only ONE of these was not normalized in my home growing up. So toxic. Also: - asking for help is weak - mental healthcare is a sign of weakness - "pain is a great teacher" - parents should be feared, then loved - anything less than blind obedience is a sign of disrespect.
Channo Sagara 2 years ago
Okay most of these advices are actually bad advices and shouldn't be followed. But some are actually great and might save you. I was a rebellious kid because of my unfortunate family background, but now I'm trying my best to build a family better than what i was in. So i see from both sides of the perspectives. Some of these advices sounds like they were written by spoiled snowflakes who haven't see life from the adult viewpoint.
Samantha Bennison 2 years ago
My dad was like everything one of these...no wonder I need therapy
Lingerie De Paris 2 years ago
As the fourth child, I just wish they would have paid some attention to me and talk to me and acted as if they were actually mother and father. They paid no attention to my school work or grades and when we moved when I was 11 they didn't make any effort to get me some friends or help me adjust to a new neighborhood
Axolotl King 2 years ago
Some harmful things I've heard: "Stop crying or I'll give you a reason to cry" / "you're too young to know" (in response to my coming out which I was not ready to do but kinda got thrown into it) / "You're 14, I'm 40, I think I know better than you" yes, you might know more stuff but I have different experiences than you, and while I have never experienced being an adult I'm not 5 and I'm allowed to form opinions on things. / And that one time he got really mad at me because I worded my phrase wrong and made it sound like I was questioning the authenticity of the story of Virgin Mary. / For anyone who has dealt with a narcissistic, homophobic, racist, or even straight up abusive parent, I'm so sorry and I'll listen to you rant anytime. I'm lucky enough that while my dad isn't the best I am still very privileged and my parents have never physically abused me.
Fairy Winter 2 years ago
One thing that i will never teach my children that my mom told me? THAT ROBLOX AND YOUTUBE ARE BAD, WHEN THEY ACTUALLY ARE NOT!!!
Emily 2 years ago
You must be about 10. I sincerely doubt when you’re 30 Roblox and YouTube will even be a thing anymore.
Load More Replies...
FreeBird * 2 years ago
Our children will be saying similar things about us. That is the hope. We all want to do better than our parents, but we have to understand, for most; they did the best they can.
Mark It/Its 2 years ago
I've been bullied a lot on and off by various people who were determined to crush my self-confidence. I've always been very quiet irl and these various individuals have completely ruined my ability to socialise with people I haven't had months to become comfortable around. Overall, I'm just trying to say all the ones about bullying (the why/how you should react) hit HELLA hard because I've found they're never right
donald ready 2 years ago
Perfection is unattainable. That being said, you should strive to be better every day in every way you can. You WILL make mistakes like these, if not these themselves....but its what we do after the mistake that shows us who we are.
Frank Hill 2 years ago
Nothing like a bunch of whiney children pretending their parents were so abusive and terrible.
John Lyttle 2 years ago
It might help if you actually stuck to the topic instead of parading your issues. You only get banned around here for hate speech and trollish viciousness, which is just as it should be.
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Rahul Pawa 2 years ago
"Don't be sad/scared/angry". Telling kids how to feel or not feel does a tremendous amount of harm.
Jasper Cool 2 years ago
I think the most harmful thing my dad ever told me was that boys/men are only interested in one thing from girls/women.
Z Davis 2 years ago
Most harmful thing my dad told me is that he was finally having the son he always wanted when I was 15 a week before my 16 birthday when he told me he was having another child. Wtf am I then u Kno. The son u never wanted.
Load More Replies... Leah Williams 2 years ago
It's mind-boggling that being attention-seeking is such a bad thing in the first place. Everyone needs attention !? And people who self harm often just need help, so why not just give that help to them!?
Load More Replies... Ruben M 2 years ago
Following my wife's example, a common saying to our kids is, it's ok to be (mad, sad, angry, stressed, etc), but it's not ok to (hit, scream at, throw, etc). We're not perfect parents, but I love that my toddlers are growing up feeling comfortable to feel and share their emotions and thoughts. Total opposite example given to each of us growing up. Parents constantly fighting, screaming at each other. My dad, for a time, would go to sleep with his pistol on his night stand telling my mom, "I haven't decided if I'm going to kill you tonight or not." The cycles don't have to continue!!!
Leah Williams 2 years ago
Yes I like this, I'm glad you're breaking the pattern and Oh wow I am so sorry to hear about that violence in your home, it sounds traumatic.
Load More Replies... Ray Arani 2 years ago
I remember being told repeatedly by my step father that I had no rights legally, that as a child, I wasn't even considered a citizen, and that he owned me. Usually in response to me trying to speak up against his abuse or threatening to tell someone. I kept silent until well into adulthood when I found out he'd been abusing my significantly younger siblings too. I'd thought he treated them better because they were his actual kids and he wanted them, which was true, but only to an extent. Abusive people are going to be abusive to anyone they have power over.
HANNA 2 years ago
That only pretty girls are molested or harressed so I don't have to worry about those sort of things. Tanks Mom...
FishiesRCute 2 years ago
My grandma told me that my kids should always by me first priority. The best thing my parents taught me: My spouse is my partner in life and my priority. Together, our top priority is our children. So many people can't grasp this concept and it leads to a lot of divorces and a lot of children that grow up with skewed views of what a healthy relationship is.
Jai Ariane 2 years ago (edited)
And kids will test any weaknesses they see in your relationship to see what they can get away with (asking the other parent when one already said "no", for example), which is normal stage of development, but if the parents have a strong relationship and communicate well they'll have a unified front the kids can't break (which benefits the whole family since the parents are looking out for the kids with their rules, etc.). This is assuming the parents do listen to their kids feelings, thoughts, opinions, etc. and take them into account when together deciding rules, etc. for the kids. When I say "unified front," I'm not implying a shutout or breakdown in communication.It's also leading by example as opposed to "do what I say, not as I do".
Load More Replies... Jamin P, Rose 2 years ago (edited)
"My dad used a bet to discipline me and it straightened me out." Fûck that, you do not use a wooden cooking spoon to spank someone, let alone when their reaction is ten fold what you'd expect. Especially if you're a step-father and not the primary caretaker. Should I have kids at some point, most likely by addoption, I will never treat them like that, ever. Also, BP, do you dare censor my comment. (Nice try.)
Cua Mercado 2 years ago (edited)
Well... This is awkward. But my dad used to cheat on my mom way often. He never said it was wrong but eventually I "learned" that it was OK. I cheated on my previous couples, he knew, and he didn't blink an eye. He just said: "they should have done something for you to cheat. Cheating is not for free." Dude, literally... I lived some awesome relationships going to waste because I thought it was ok, or to better say it, there were no consequences on cheating. I had to learn my own way how much it hurts others and how much it ruins lives. I was also OK to be cheated on. If my mom was, why wouldn't I? Life was not monogamous... I can say that realizing the truth has been the most painful lesson I'm still learning.
Shreeky 2 years ago
The first time I ever thought "if I have kids I would never do them like I was done on something that is very important to every little kid and I ruined it for my whole 2nd grade class cause of what I was told. I didn't know that I was the only kid in my whole class that was told when I was a toddler bout parents lies to their kids about Santa, that there has never been and never will be a Santa Claus... There really was a man named Saint Nicholas though. I told my class when someone asked me what I wanted Santa to bring me for Christmas. Told them Santa wasn't real that our mom's and dad's buys our Christmas presents not a fake man name Santa. It's your dad or grabdpa in Santa suit. The whole class was crying and I got sent to the office over it. They called and told my parents what I did and they said Good those kids needed to know that Santa is not real that a true Christian wouldn't lie about Santa to their child. That's when they knew the reason why I said there's no Santa
Shreeky 2 years ago
Don't worry my kids believed in Santa until they were 9. I had to break it to em when some little kid pulled Santas beard down at Bass Pro shop and my youngest daughter was always terrified of him when she saw that when she was 4. Had to pull my oldest to the side to explain why that man pretended to be Santa. Her younger sister found out bout "Santas Helpers" until she was 9.
Load More Replies... lonnie sanders 2 years ago
Work hard and be loyal to you company or emloyer and you will be rewarded. Wow, It must have been nice growing up in the 50s.
Nicole Normand 2 years ago
By age 12 I already had a whole list of what not to say or do to my own children based on what I saw or heard from my parents and siblings. I have a grateful family of my own. Grateful as in I'm glad you followed your list.
Sarah Miles 2 years ago
As a kid (I would've been no older than 7, my brother no older than 5) I had an uncle who gifted us animals. The weirdest was a baby alligator that my parents later got rid of - they said it gave my brother nightmares. Another time, he got my brother and I bunnies. My dad built a hutch outside and they stayed out there. One night, we had a bad storm with tons of wind. Bunnies were gone the next day. Our parents said the bunnies got loose in the storm. At 32, I learned that that wasn't the case... Apparently they were given to an aunt and her family who had a bunch of animals; I think my parents thought it'd be better for these bunnies. Nope - it was their death sentence. Shortly after, Dad found out that they killed and ate them. My parents were shocked, but now they just think the relatives didn't get the pet part where bunnies were concerned. If they'd go rabbit hunting, that's a food animal (as opposed to dogs or cats).
Kelly Jo 2 years ago
When the child tells the parent that they feel they should see a therapist because they have made a few suicidal attempts; the parent should not respond with; "You made yourself depressed, figure your way out. I'm not taking you to a shrink. People will think poorly of us." Yep, was told that at 17 years old. Thank God for good friends being our therapists.
Sabrina Bowen 2 years ago
Only ONE of these was not normalized in my home growing up. So toxic. Also: - asking for help is weak - mental healthcare is a sign of weakness - "pain is a great teacher" - parents should be feared, then loved - anything less than blind obedience is a sign of disrespect.
Channo Sagara 2 years ago
Okay most of these advices are actually bad advices and shouldn't be followed. But some are actually great and might save you. I was a rebellious kid because of my unfortunate family background, but now I'm trying my best to build a family better than what i was in. So i see from both sides of the perspectives. Some of these advices sounds like they were written by spoiled snowflakes who haven't see life from the adult viewpoint.
Samantha Bennison 2 years ago
My dad was like everything one of these...no wonder I need therapy
Lingerie De Paris 2 years ago
As the fourth child, I just wish they would have paid some attention to me and talk to me and acted as if they were actually mother and father. They paid no attention to my school work or grades and when we moved when I was 11 they didn't make any effort to get me some friends or help me adjust to a new neighborhood
Axolotl King 2 years ago
Some harmful things I've heard: "Stop crying or I'll give you a reason to cry" / "you're too young to know" (in response to my coming out which I was not ready to do but kinda got thrown into it) / "You're 14, I'm 40, I think I know better than you" yes, you might know more stuff but I have different experiences than you, and while I have never experienced being an adult I'm not 5 and I'm allowed to form opinions on things. / And that one time he got really mad at me because I worded my phrase wrong and made it sound like I was questioning the authenticity of the story of Virgin Mary. / For anyone who has dealt with a narcissistic, homophobic, racist, or even straight up abusive parent, I'm so sorry and I'll listen to you rant anytime. I'm lucky enough that while my dad isn't the best I am still very privileged and my parents have never physically abused me.
Fairy Winter 2 years ago
One thing that i will never teach my children that my mom told me? THAT ROBLOX AND YOUTUBE ARE BAD, WHEN THEY ACTUALLY ARE NOT!!!
Emily 2 years ago
You must be about 10. I sincerely doubt when you’re 30 Roblox and YouTube will even be a thing anymore.
Load More Replies... FreeBird * 2 years ago
Our children will be saying similar things about us. That is the hope. We all want to do better than our parents, but we have to understand, for most; they did the best they can.
Mark It/Its 2 years ago
I've been bullied a lot on and off by various people who were determined to crush my self-confidence. I've always been very quiet irl and these various individuals have completely ruined my ability to socialise with people I haven't had months to become comfortable around. Overall, I'm just trying to say all the ones about bullying (the why/how you should react) hit HELLA hard because I've found they're never right
donald ready 2 years ago
Perfection is unattainable. That being said, you should strive to be better every day in every way you can. You WILL make mistakes like these, if not these themselves....but its what we do after the mistake that shows us who we are.
Frank Hill 2 years ago
Nothing like a bunch of whiney children pretending their parents were so abusive and terrible.
John Lyttle 2 years ago
It might help if you actually stuck to the topic instead of parading your issues. You only get banned around here for hate speech and trollish viciousness, which is just as it should be.
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