Why wash your hands with boring old water when it can glow like an incredible E.T.!

Yeah, because locating your phone, downloading the app, and setting up your parameters is much easier than just flipping the on/off switch!

If you know what a pie bird is, chances are good that you already own one. So here is a little explanation for the pie newbies: These tiny ceramic birds can aid in steam venting while your pie bakes and keep the filling from bubbling over. The majority of home bakers still produce delectable pies without pie birds, though owners acknowledge that they serve more as a cute kitchen ornament than a necessary baking aid.

Can you appreciate an icy cold beverage if it hasn't been sitting in green light inside a mini-fridge modeled after a mythical spaceship, says this dorm-worthy refrigerator? The answer is yes, and it makes this product completely useless.

The breakfast station, which commonly combines a toaster oven, griddle, and coffee maker, is then, by all means, something you should buy.

For those who like their pepper as aggressive as possible. 

Even though pizza-only countertop ovens advertise that they use less energy and cook more evenly, they aren't really compact and will occupy a lot of cabinet or counter space for something you might only use once a week. Also, you could just use the oven you already have. 

Enter the self-warming ice cream scoop, which claims to use some sort of thermodynamic magic to melt even the toughest ice cream quickly. Cool concept, but we'll stick to the tried-and-true techniques of letting that pint of frozen goodness soften on the counter for a few minutes or running a conventional ice cream scoop under warm water.

Poof! It's magic: When you purchased the Magic Tap, your $21 suddenly vanished into thin air. Thanks to this drink dispenser, we no longer have to lift and pour juice, milk, soda, or other beverage containers. We advise you to continue building your upper-body strength by pouring your favorite beverage in the traditional manner.

Regardless of how good your steaks are, we won't eat anything that has your initials on it.

Relieving yourself is not an act that requires a title track. Well, usually. 

The creators of cookie dippers kindly request that you STOP DOING THIS NOW if you are dipping your Oreos in your milk with your fingers. They insist that there is a better way. The cookie doesn't crumble when dipped because the dipper "cradles the cookie by the cream." So long as you're ready to spend valuable money and drawer space on this exact small gadget, there won't be any more cookie search and rescue operations.

When Bond, James Bond asked for his martinis to be "shaken, not stirred," he absolutely did not have in mind a machine doing it. 

Not going to lie: These items appear to be fantastic for channeling your inner carnivore or for acting like Wolverine. However, unless you frequently host barbecues or whole roast hogs in your backyard, these are probably unnecessary. Use just a few forks for your most recent crockpot dish.

Is there anything more frustrating than preparing a pretzel and then realizing you forgot to reheat the cheese dip? There is. Literally, anything else that might occur in your life is what it is called.

Because who wouldn't want to slather themselves with snot? (except for toddlers, maybe)

Don't have an oven, a grill, or even a stove? Then a microwaveable bacon cooker might be the right choice for you. 

Waffles bowls are terrifying. There's not much to add to describe this scary device. 

Again, if you have arthritic hands or another condition that makes it difficult to turn a handle, you might be able to justify using electric salt and pepper grinders. If not, it's difficult to defend these automatic devices with motors and batteries that fail, leaving your food tragically unseasoned. (Yes, many of them have LED lights, but they're probably not worth the extra money unless you're cooking supper in the dark.)

Well, using your eyes or your hands to count the eggs would also work just fine!