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This Online Thread Is Dedicated To Shaming Parents That Cross The Line With Their ‘Helicopter Parenting’ Behavior (30 Answers)
Interview
Having a kid is a really big deal. It changes so much about your life and everything seems to flip upside down. Every parent reacts differently to these changes, some better than others. Sometimes moms and dads become way too protective over their offspring, which results in what we know as "helicopter parenting."
This online user decided to ask people about the worst examples of overbearing parents that can't seem to let go of their little babies and let them live their own lives, even when they're full-grown adults. Some of the stories people shared are truly shocking and hard to believe, and they might make you appreciate your parents a whole lot more. However, if you happen to relate to any of these stories, please feel free to share your own experiences in the comments!
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#1
My sons befriended the "new" kid in middle school. Home schooled through elemantary school years, but parents wanted him to interact with kids. Hes a good kid. Smart, but guarded and sheepish but he got along great with my sons. They want to have a sleepover. He gets dropped off and his mother hands me a list. Had to be 4 pages of his routine, dos and dont's and everything (Adam is not to have anything to drink after the hour of 8pm. He needs to brush his teeth with the tootbrush we sent him with. He needs to be asleep by blah blah blah).
I have three kids. I can keep a 12 year old kid alive for 20 hours without a list. She would text me non stop. I felt bad for the kid. I let him know "listen if you bend a few of these rules, I'll never tell your mom if you won't" and he had this huge smile. I'm not sure what kind of people helicopter parents think they're creating, but it can't be a fun one that's for sure.
We spoke to Dr. Rosina McAlpine, a parenting expert and creator of the Win Win Parenting Program. She shared her thoughts on the term "helicopter parenting" and what effects overbearing parents have on kids: "Having labels like 'helicopter parenting,' 'bulldozer parenting' or even 'free-range parenting' isn't a helpful place to start the conversation for two reasons:
1. Based on the thousands of parents I have worked with, parents love their children and are well-intentioned, so calling them derogatory names or labeling them as one kind of parent or another isn't helpful to them or their children.
2. We need to understand that parents are thrown in at the deep end when it comes to parenting - no manual comes with the child - and there is so much pressure on parents to be 'good parents' even though they may have had no training in child development or parenting and not have the skills they need to raise happy, healthy, well-adjusted children."
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#2
Probably not the worst, just the nearest to me.
My mom expects a call letting her know if i leave the house, where i'm going, etc. She flips out if i dont answer 2 calls in a row. Im not allowed to hang out with anybody, even family, without her approval.
Fun facts:
1. I am 29.
2. I am married with kids.
3. I live an hour away from her in my own house with my own truck.
She also told me i am not allowed to have any more kids, as i developed preeclampsia with my youngest and it scared her.
I follow exactly zero of these rules, but she persists.
#3
My mom was awful. She pulled a bunch of controlling manipulative s**t all the way to college. My dad worked over seas most of the year. I never got to leave the house except with family, there was school and only school, no TV, non academic books, games, or friends. I was sent to private schools and she set up weekly meetings with my teachers, every waking moment was based around school.
Highschool was a living hell. I was quizzed in the morning at breakfast, tutoring and prep classes after school. I was doing ACT and SAT prep as a freshman. The only reason I was allowed to get a car and drive was to get myself to these after school sessions because my mother was to busy doing the same thing to my 8 year old sister. She kept a meticulous log of the cars milage to make sure I wasn't going anywhere but those sessions.
Her "hard work" seemed to be validated when I was accepted into several top tier private colleges. We lived on the East Coast and in order to escape her I choose a school on the West Coast. I got a full ride academic scholarship and a campus job so my parents didn't control my finances in anyway. I took summer courses not to go home. My mom would still try to do surprise "visits" to "check" (control me) but because she didn't know where I lived in the college town or my schedule I could control the meet ups.
I finally made friends and got involved in activities out side school. I still worked hard in college and went to grad school, but I also learned to relax. I got tattoos which she flipped out about. My sister had a mental break down her senior year when I was just starting grad school. She tried to kill herself because she just couldn't take the pressure and the constant lack of control over her own life. During her hospital stay her therapist chewed out my mother, who to this day believes she did nothing wrong. After months of therapy my sister ended up leaving the state and works on a farm in the Midwest. She has not talked to our mother for the past 5 years.
Not long after my sister left my fathers job brought him back to the States permanently and he ended up divorcing my mother. With out kids to control she started making his life hell too. I call her on Christmas, her birthday, and my birthday. She still believes she isn't at fault for any of this.
It's my opinion that many of these helicopter parents have a neurosis that makes them control freaks bordering on Munchausen's by proxy. They crave validation of themselves through their children and end up hurting the kids more. I'm glad I'm at where I'm at today but the means by which I got here are and were never justified.
Jackie Lulu 1 year ago
Glad to hear you were tough enough to get out from under your mom, and I feel really sorry for your sister.
Dr. Rosina continues: "A better approach that is helpful to parents and children is to look at the Win Win Parenting approach, which is based on parenting with empathy and education rather than discipline, rewards and punishment. The key is to establish a strong relationship with the child and to teach them all the life skills they need to thrive in the world. So when we look at the pros and cons of helicopter parenting from this perspective, we can see that having a helicopter parent around to ensure our children are safe in the world - that they don't run on the road as a toddler and don't go down the wrong road - as a teenager, then it's a great approach."
#4
As an RA, I was checking students into their dorm rooms. One mother came with her son, who looked to be about 25, and she would not let him get a single word in. She went on about it being his first year in college and that she was finally approving of him moving away from home and actually going to college (a big yikes we kept an eye on later). When he was assigned to a traditional room with a roommate, she flipped her s**t, saying how she wanted him in an apartment so she could stay with him whenever she wanted (can’t do that anyway) and she would withdraw him from school if she didn’t get her way. Thankfully, I was already dead inside from dealing with other residents so I checked her son in, and immediately gave him the number of my boss in case his mother gave any more problems while he was moving in.
I later heard from another RA that she tried to prevent the roommate from entering their shared room, even though her son was desperately trying to get her to leave. The RA and student security had to escort her out of the building where she sat until her son was done moving in.
The son was actually a really cool dude once his mother was out of his hair, and a really involved student, happy to be on his own and living the college life, even if he was a bit older. His mom still managed to call our duty phones asking about him, but Bc of federal laws we just hung up.
#5
Working summer orientation for my old community college and we have new students register for classes towards the end of the session. Counselors are there to help with class selection.
This one mom was literally hovering over her son telling him which classes to choose, and completely ignoring the counselor's advice, when she had him stand up. She proceeded to sit down and she herself started registering her son for his classes.
I tried to intervene, letting her know that we ask that the student register themselves, and that he'll be doing online registration for the rest of his college career. I was told to f**k off.
Later I pulled him aside and told him to change his password and swap into a class more appropriate for his placement exams.
It was this incident that triggered us to design a parent orientation to keep them away from their kids.
Welcome to adulthood lil bro!
"On the other hand, when helicopter parenting stops children from learning key life skills because the parent is jumping in and doing everything for the child - then we can say that it would have a negative impact from childhood through to adulthood.
The aim of parenting is that parents do themselves out of the job of parenting and are left with strong, healthy relationships with their children - a lifelong bond! Parents need to support their children to gain the knowledge and understanding and develop the skills of how to thrive in the world without their parents, as parents are not always going to be there to 'tell them what to do'," explains Dr. Rosina.
#6
A mom came with her kid to whine about a (deserved) poor grade.
The "kid" was a junior in college. Mom was not happy when I informed her I couldn't and wouldn't talk to parents. And by "not happy" I mean "lost her s**t and was escorted out by campus security".
The student was mortified of course, even came by to apologize and I was basically like "let's both just pretend that never happened, m'kay, here's what you should work on for the next exam".
#7
Ugh this one kid I knew from elementary-high school.
The mom didn't have a job and somehow managed to be at his school EVERY SINGLE DAY, watching over him.
In elementary she was a volunteer Teacher's Aid every year which meant she would help out in whatever class he was in. By middle school, she was the head of the PTA and although not necessary she was at the campus almost every day. She would just wander around and eventually, the school stopped caring and she could do whatever she wants. She would randomly pop into one of his classes and just observe or come up to him to hangout with him at lunch.
The kid was 24/7 stressed the hell out, his whole body always clenched up. His mom put IMMENSE pressure on him to do well in school both academically and behavior wise.
He had an extremely hard time making friends and eventually he was bullied to the point of randomly getting beat up. Made it to the first year of high school before he had to transfer to another school.
It's her fault, all she wanted was for him to be smart and polite to teachers and he never got to learn how to just be a guy and make friends.
Dr. Rosina also shared how she thinks growing up with helicopter parents shapes someone once they become a parent. Are they likely to repeat the same behavior, or go in the opposite direction and take a more low-key approach to their own children?: "It can go either way, do the same or go the complete opposite - and I have seen both - but again, more importantly, we need to help parents forget about the labels and instead look at the impact it has on children. I encourage parents to ask themselves and write down what their vision for parenthood is and their vision for their child."
#8
My aunt never let my cousins have any kind of sugar or candy. She told then that it was poison and tasted nasty. One time while our grandma was babysitting them (they were 6) she let them have 1 capri sun each. They loved it, saying "grammy, sugar actually tastes GOOD" and threw up shorty after because their stomachs could not handle it.
My cousins are alcoholics now.
Pink Aesthetic 1 year ago
The mom was right about sugar actually being poisonous but not letting eat any sugar will result in addictions like the one you mentioned
#9
My best friend's mom. They live 10 minutes away from me, and my friend is REALLY bad with directions.
He drove to my house, and got lost, so it took him like 45 minutes. After like 30 minutes his mom calls me and is sobbing because he hadn't checked in with her. He's 26.
Charity Angel 1 year ago
I wonder if she's like this every time he drives? This reads like there is some kind of trauma in the mom's past that she hasn't worked past yet.
Dr. Rosina explains: "I don't think any parent would say: 'I want my child to rely on me for life and not be able to make their own decisions and life choices!' No way, right? Parents will generally say something like: 'I want my child to grow up and be happy, fulfilled, kind, make a positive contribution in the world, have friends, be resilient, tenacious, be cooperative and go for their goals.,' etc.
My next question is: How will you help your child be able to do all that? To develop those skills and to understand how the world works, etc., and that's where the life skill education comes in."
#10
Went to youth group with two kids who had the worst helicopter mom. These kids had no muscle mass and were the least athletic kids ever because their parents wouldn't let them play sports. Their mom came to every youth meeting we had (usually just for the youth and the youth leaders). The older kid begged his mom to go on a mission trip with us, only to another part of the state, not even out of country. After we all kind of vouched for him and said he'd be taken care, she let him go.
Happy story in the end, he ended up completely coming out of his shell because of that trip. He got super independent and his mom let up seeing that he could take care of himself.
#11
My mom:
-Had to be in bed by 8pm all the way through middle school. Lights off, internet router shut off.
-Never allowed us to open a bank account by ourselves until we were adults. All money had to be given to her. She wouldnt give us back our own money if she didn’t approve of what we wanted to buy.
-Constantly calling the school if she suspected our grades were falling. Didn’t ask us. Punished by removing games/books from our rooms.
-No cell phones unless we are old enough to buy one and our own plan ourselves.
-Not allowed to go out without direct adult supervision until we were 16. Not allowed out after dark.
-If we went on the computer we had to all write down the website, username, and password of whatever we went on. (Email, Runescape, Neopets, etc) she would go on our accounts herself to try and check that we weren’t talking to strangers.
-Not allowed to date until we hit 18. Wonders why none of her children go on dates now. (Doesn’t know about my sister’s boyfriend, thankfully.)
-Once we hit 18 we’re given the option to move out that day or start paying rent. $500 a month. ($700 now for me) We have to pay for our own toiletries, clothes, transportation (she’ll drive us places but charge us money.) and we’re not allowed to eat anything in the pantry/refrigerator if we didn’t buy it. (With the exception of dinner, which she’ll still make for us.) She says its to encourage us to move out...and then broke down in tears when I asked for advice finding an apartment because why would any of us leave her. She then raised the rent for totally unrelated reasons 🙄
She’s not a good person.
Dr. Rosina McAlpine also has some advice for adult children of helicopter parents who are now raising their own kids and trying their hardest not to instill the same kind of anxiety in their kids that was instilled in them at a young age: "Focus on the skills you're trying to foster. How can we foster resilience, confidence, and emotional regulation? Supporting resilience - once parents have the skills, they can support their children to develop the skills.
Encourage your children to ask for help. Accept and share their feelings. Talk to people who have overcome the same challenge. Take action to overcome the challenge or difficulty. Focus on the good things in life - not just the challenges. Discuss examples where your child has overcome obstacles in the past. Accept life has ups and downs. Positive self-talk rather than negative self-talk. Focus on solutions, not problems. Teach a growth mindset rather than a fixed mindset."
#12
The mom of a former coworker of mine. He was 27 or 28 and his mom didn't approve the woman he was dating, so he kept dating her in secret. He looked really in love with her (gf not so much but seemed happy)
Eventually his mom started calling me and a couple of other coworkers to check if her son was still dating that woman, so we lied to cover him
After a year or so of this secret relationship the girlfriend got pregnant, my coworker proposed and they started planning a small wedding. When the mom knew she went ballistic and forced him out of the engagement. He literally broke up with the future mother of his child because his mom said so
All of this happened 10 years ago, I still talk with the gf because I was friends with her, she is living with another guy, her daughter is 9 years old and never knew her biological dad
I have no idea (or interest of knowing) what happened with my former coworker, if he is still living with his mom or what happened
#13
My son told me about this one
5th grade overnight trip to nature center. Kids mom went (was only parent, that wasn't a teacher, to go), had a complete meltdown when she was told that her kid would be sleeping in cabin with other kids and not her...she was told this before trip as well. Four teachers per cabin, basically overnight school. He said she basically spent the entire night outside watching the cabin, really creeped everyone out, man the rants she went on facebook...at least her friends and family called her out on her nonsense, imagine quite a few people got blocked that day.
Henry Russell 1 year ago
their should be a rule agaisnt these kinds of helicopter moms and should be refused access unless they use physical force which will then lead in a jailing for assault and lost of child custody
The parenting expert also shared why she thinks some parents have the instinct to overprotect. Is it a projection of their own anxieties, or does it come from a true place of love in wanting to keep the children safe?: "It is both. Parents have a natural instinct to protect their children and to 'parent' them. But little by little as a child is ready, parents need to help them find their own way in the world, and that can be hard for parents who hear so much 'scary news' when it comes to toddlers drowning in backyard pools, children being bullied online and offline, to teenagers taking drugs and drinking alcohol. That is why teaching life skills is so important so children are ready for whatever the world throws at them!" says Dr. Rosina.
#14
While working at new student orientation in college, I was told a story from a previous year. The parents who attended orientation were housed separately from the students. One mom wanted to stay with her daughter, and took the bed of another student. The mom told the student she can find somewhere else to sleep. The student, not knowing what to do, ended up sleeping in a chair in the common area of the dorm.
Zedrapazia 1 year ago
I would have sat on that b***h and jumped on my a*s until she's either mush or outta my freaking bed. I hate strangers sweating in my bedsheets, if the school guards can't throw her out, I'll do it myself.
#15
In college, a girl's mom stayed in her room with her the first week of our freshman year. Went to classes with her, ate with her and attended our dorm meeting, introducing herself as "Crystal's Mommy".
She finally went home, and Crystal had obviously never learned to do anything on her own. Her roommate dated a guy in my floor and would tell us about her daily, multiple calls home. She didn't know how to do laundry so mommy paid roommate to do it for her.
By mid term, Crystal was failing all her classes and had basically just given up going to class as it was "too hard". Again mommy shows up, stays two weeks, talks to her professors then pulled her out of school.
I'm curious what she's doing now, hopefully she broke out on her own and gained some Independence.
Somebodys grandmother 1 year ago
That is what you get out of being a helicopter-parent. No independence or later no child. They can't stand all the nursering around them... and leave their parents forever...
#16
Regulars where I work - Mom is obsessed with her son, who is in his early 20's. he chose a school on the other side of the country - she moved and bought a house near campus so that they could still live together. (husband is always overseas for work)
she would call and ask us to do specific things for her son - remind him to take his keys and charger, call and make appointments for him, arrange rides...etc.
last update I heard he chose a grad school in another country! Mom did not follow him (thank god he finally has some freedom)
Confused Deer🦌 1 year ago
just imagine what his high school years were like. the mom probably went to school with him.
#17
I was 11-13 at the time. I had a friend on the swim team that was also around that age. His parents were the most controlling people I had ever seen. His mother looked like the head of a catholic girls school that punishes students for singing.
We all used to play Nintendo DS games during meets. He just watched over our shoulders because if he touched a gaming console he would be punished. His parents always made him wear the same clothes every day. Tan khakis, white shirt, dark blue sweater vest. I once got him a T-shirt for his birthday. He gave it back saying that he wasnt allowed to wear it.
He was homeschooled. Pretty sure his family spoke ecclesiastical Latin at home. F****n weird.
#18
A little girl who lived down the road from me and that I used to babysit. Her mom was so obsessive she basically pushed the father out of the picture without actually separating or divorcing. I quit babysitting when she was about 5 cause I couldn't take it anymore, my sister took over though and they were neighbours so I kept up to date.
She didn't learn how to speak until she was 4. Not due to any learning disability but her mom emphasized not encouraging her to talk and that "she would learn when she's ready". She only taught her basic sign language to ask for food or drink. Ended up falling and hurting herself pretty badly (internal injuries) and couldn't communicate it to her parents cause she didn't know how to talk. It was only her dad's quick thinking and taking her to the hospital that saved her life. Learned how to talk pretty quickly after that.
When it came time for her to go to school (literally down the road from their house, maybe 6 houses down) her mom couldn't handle the separation and would show up to the school every day. This pissed off the school and while she made it through kindergarten it was a few months into first grade when the school requested that she limit her visits to once a week and to only use that time to actually assist in volunteering like the other parents.
So she reacted like a reasonable adult and immediately pulled her daughter out of school and began homeschooling her.
Kid is probably around 18-19 now? Last saw her (with her mom of course) a couple years ago at a wedding and she seemed alright but who knows how well adjusted she actually is.
#19
Dude came in to talk about his son's test scores.
The son was in my second year university course, and the dad was a prof in the subject I was teaching who thought I was hard on his son. We reviewed the midterm together, in the end I gave the kid back one mark so he went from like a 73 to a 74%...
Seriously cannot imagine what it was like for that kid going up.
Shark Lady 1 year ago
Is this ethical and legal? Yes the dad worked there but he wasn't asking as a member of staff, he was asking as a father. At best it's a very murky grey area.
#20
This is my sister's experience but she taught Kindergarten for awhile and she had a kid who's mother wouldn't let her play outside if it was below 70 degrees and told the school she was allergic to dairy but then admitted she lied about that because she "couldn't trust that the school wouldn't serve her spoiled milk" so she thought it would be easier to just say she was allergic. Also the kid was coincidentally sick and had to stay home from school on every single field trip.
Linden 1 year ago
As a parent of a child with real allergies, people lying about it is beyond annoying. It just creates a sense of complacency and people get accustomed to children with fake allergies tolerating small amounts or cross-contamination of things they're not even actually allergic too. Then our child would have a real reaction and basically reenact The Exorcist vomit scene and they'd be shocked.
#21
I work at an admissions front counter for a university so I get helicopter parents all the time over the phone, but I had a mom that had me laughing over the phone because of how ridiculous she was. Let's call her Susan for reference.
At first, she was normal asking about general admissions processes and what are the requirements. However, where she messed up was when she admitted she did the application for him because "he is a boy and you know how boys can be so I just did it for him." Then she started to fly off the walls. She asked if the campus was open because she wanted to visit her son EVERY SINGLE DAY since they live 15 minutes away from the main campus. Susan tried making herself not sound bat s**t crazy by sliding in her bringing him baked goods and home cooked meals, but I know she just wants to pester her child. There was another talk about how she wanted to get access to his student account to see his grades. I told her that she was not going to be allowed to get that access because her child will be considered an adult and the student has to give HER permission by saying a FERPA form. She wanted to know how and where to get those documents ASAP.
As far as social life, Susan asked if there were parties on campus. It's a college, of course there are going to be parties. The worst part is that she asked if they are supervised....by PARENTS!!!! This is where I couldn't help but laugh because why did she think that this was a high school setting. Susan then followed up with "Well how will I know where he is going or if he gets in trouble?" and I said, very casually, "Ma'am if your student decides to do something illegal (smoke weed/drink underaged) and gets caught by campus police and gets arrested, you'll be getting that phone call."
And she had nothing else to say. :)
#22
Omg do I know someone!!!! My SIL they have a 8 month old now and she’s just straight psycho! She won’t let anyone hold the baby, my fiancé is her godparent and he has never been allowed to hold her. Her husband (fiancé’s brother) dropped a the babies shoe at the church when they baptized her and SIL FREAKED when he tried to put the shoe on her yelling at him it needs to be put in the sterilizer now. She also freaked out on her husband when the baby touched the couch at the church. When they put the baby on the floor to play she’s only allowed to play on a designated blanket that is washed everyday and no one can touch the side she’s on. They have only taken her out twice in a social event her baptism and when her husband won a award at work. They have this sterilizer that is UV and everything that fits goes in it. She won’t drive with the baby in the car as she doesn’t trust herself putting her in a car seat and only her husband can do it. Once this baby starts crawling and walking she’s going to have a mental breakdown that she can’t control anything and everything this baby does. As this child grows I worry she won’t ever let this baby out of the house who knows if she’s ever actually touched grass. I’m worried to see what this baby will get to do as she grows up and if mom will actually put her in school (or if she’ll homeschool) and actually allow her to have friends...
GFSTaylor 1 year ago
How to ruin a chid's immune system. We need to have contact with everyday dirt so our immune systems learn to respond to the bacteria. It sounds like this woman would freak out if she was aware of just how many bacteria live in and on the healthy human body. They are part of our ecosystem, and we don't do well without them.
#23
My dad’s friends from law school. They waited until their 40s to have a child because they were busy running their very successful law firm and once they realized they were getting a little old they really struggled to conceive. They finally had one viable pregnancy that resulted in their only child, Theo. Theo is super bright like his parents but they hovered over him his whole life. One time they held a dinner party and they had their caterer make an entirely separate buffet for Theo because the other buffet (that they chose and paid for) wasn’t healthy enough for him. They ended up retiring and closing their firm the same summer he graduated from high school and bought a house next to his college campus. They had a really big falling out when Theo wasn’t coming “home” enough and the last I heard he ended up transferring colleges without telling them.
#24
Breastfeeding her son. I don't know if she still does it, but said son was 12 years old at the time. Yes, twelve.
AffenpinscherMom 1 year ago
I feel like this should qualify as child abuse. I know that it probably won't but talk about messing a kid up..wow
#25
I watch a neighbor kid. He's 15. The poor kid has no social/life skills. I do not blame him as his guardian (step mother) is crazy controlling. Up until this school year, she walked him to the bus stop (literally two houses down) then proceeded to wait until he boarded the bus. Once, she grounded him for talking to a stranger at McDonalds. As stated, the kid is 15. She refuses to let him do normal teenager things. The furthest he can walk alone is one house down, through an alley (to my house).
#26
One of my neighbor's kids was a good basketball player, but she just didn't have the height for the position she played at a DI school. Coaches recruiting her told her that she could play DI if she switched positions, but her mother (who was a coach) would tell these coaches that her daughter wouldn't change positions, and to basically take it or leave it. Well, pretty much everyone chose to not extend scholarship offers at the DI level because of it.
She ended up getting a really good scholarship to a DII school that had the academic program she wanted (they even had a 6 year program that combined undergrad and the post-undergraduate school she would've had to go to, so the process would've basically been seamless to become a licensed professional in her field). However, her mother was so controlling over her recruiting that she told her daughter she couldn't go there because the coach didn't send her a bunch of cards and whatnot (basically things schools send to recruits to try to convince them to commit--it's mostly flattery), so she wouldn't allow her kid to commit there.
Instead, she made her kid commit to this tiny DIII school in the middle of nowhere (literally nowhere, extremely small and rural) that didn't even have the academic program her kid wanted. Her reasoning was that her kid would get a good Christian education (but how good is *any* education if it doesn't even have what you want to study?). Eventually, the kid, with help from her father, quit playing basketball and transferred to a large state school because she hated the small Christian school so much, and she could finally study what she wanted to study.
Her mom was so controlling that she ended up giving up on the sport she loved. This all would've been avoided if she had just gone to the DII school, but no, her mom took way too much control and ended up ruining her kid's college athletic career.
EDIT: I must add that the daughter has since graduated and moved away, but based on the last conversation we had, she seems to be doing well. I think she was looking at grad schools, but I don’t think she’s started yet.
#27
I'm in college, living off campus with my 20 year old roomate. She has to be in contact with her mom every single day. If she doesn't answer within a few hours, her mom gets extremely anxious about where she is and what she's doing. Her mom has called me more than once to see where she is. Usually, I'm within 40 feet of my roomate and she's just doing homework or watching cable. It's ridiculous that she's being monitored like a hawk when she's an adult.
Edit: a word.
#28
A friend's parents are hypercontrolling. He was on a date and sister called the parents because she was filling out the FAFSA, but was stuck. Instead of saying "call your brother" Mom drove 2 1/2 hours to their college town, tracked him down on his date, and then brought him (but not the date) to the sister's apartment to do it for her. Mom also came to the town when the sister said she saw his motorcycle parked in front of someone's house after dark. It was not his motorcycle. It was just another shiny red motorcycle. The helicopter parent seemed to have influenced a helicopter sister.
#29
My mother. Wouldn't stop hovering over me until I broke out of it at the end of high school.
She:
- Always checked my grades for me instead of me doing it myself, etc.
- Always e-mailed teachers in high school about grades and whatnot,
- Wouldn't let me make mistakes and learn on my own,
- Always tried to force me into studying and learning even when I was genuinely tired or uninterested,
- Forced me into mathematics classes giving me no time to relax and take time off,
- Always was like "I have to check your homework" in grades 6-8,
- Treats me like a child even though I'm 19 (tried to take away my computer but I was able to non-violently keep her from doing so)
- Refuses to change in ANY respect. I am almost certain that not a single one of her co-workers actually likes her.
- Always micromanages my weight. To lose weight you have to actually *want* to do it *for yourself.* If someone micromanages you, you lose that drive and can't achieve your goal.
As a result a lot of the skills that most people would have developed are also ones that I don't possess, namely the drive to get assignments done on time and the drive to prepare myself for life in "the real world". The reason I got all B's and C's with only a few A's was because I barely survived. I never felt like I was doing it for myself, but it always seemed like I was doing it for her. I never had that motivation.
Nowadays, I always feel uneasy around her and cannot really say many positive things about her.
**I can't even believe I came out of her. Ridiculous.**
On the other hand, my dad is your ideal dad who lets you learn on your own when you're supposed to learn on your own. He helped me through this and eve he admits mom has problems. But *why did I have to go through this?!*
#30
My neighbor loses her s**t and is in panic mode when a car is coming down the street. Her "baby" is like 5 and is aware that she cannot just run into the street. It's not like they go fast either, we live in a cul-de-sac.
What do you think ?
Alexandra Davis 1 year ago
As a teacher I saw a fair few, one that jumps out most is this one. Girl was in year 7 (11-12 years old first year of secondary school) and has autism and we are a school just for people with autism. Mum had gone beyond having to do some extra things because of her daughters autism and proper babied her and was a helicopter parent. Poor girl didn't know how to shower alone, get dressed, change her period pads, eat her lunch or anything. After pe mum wanted us to shower her and dress her, when she was in her period we had to change her pads and at lunch would have to feed her. Myself and the other year 7 staff worked hard on teaching her to do all these things along, unsure if she couldn't do it or if she had never been given the chance. Within weeks she was able to do them with a few verbal prompts and by Christmas she could do it all alone. We told mum thinking she'd be happy. She flipped her sh*t and was NOT happy and we realised she was a helicopter mum. We lied saying we did jt
ZoeTheGreat 1 year ago
I’m in care. My last carer was definitely a helicopter parent. She was strict about phones and wouldn’t let me have games on it. She was also strict about sugar and decided I could only have a certain amount per day. I’m so glad I’m out of that house now.
Leo Domitrix 1 year ago
"Helicopter" parents have the kind of issues that require intervention. The kids are their victims. My one aunt got this way with her kids. One converted to a religion that doesn't share an afterlife with my aunt's and openly said "So I don't even have to share hell with her". My dad was... overbearing and cruel. Had it occurred to him to be a "helicopter", he'd have been. Instead, he was a tank. Equally painful in its way. TLDR: "Helicopter parents" need psych help.
FantastiKitty 1 year ago
"So I don't even have to share hell with her". That's really intense.
Load More Replies...
JoMeBee 1 year ago
All of this nonsense reminds me of taking my kid to kindergarten orientation. Few hours long, walked them through the school, took them on a bus and discussed rules and expectations. Event wrapped up with a trip to the cafeteria for a snack to simulate lunchtime. Every single mom except me was helping their kid with their cookie wrapper and milk carton. I was standing in the back with some kid's grandpa...
Patricia 1 year ago
I love my kids and of course I worried about them. But the parent's job is to raise the child to be a successful adult (I don't mean materially successful, I mean able to live life on their own.) You can't achieve that goal if you do everything for them. Advise, certainly. Teach. Then let go and watch them enjoy their life.
Tams21 1 year ago
Exactly. I think it's normal to find it difficult to let go in some circumstances but the point will come where you have to trust them to do the right thing.
Load More Replies... Lori w 1 year ago
Sometimes parents are like this because they got abused in a trusted setting.
FantastiKitty 1 year ago
Some people mentioned that maybe they lost a kid before. It's understandable, but they need to work on it, this isn't good for the kid nor for them.
Load More Replies...
RedPanda 1 year ago
Used to have a strict 8 pm bedtime, no TV, no phone until 9th grade (which is honestly pretty reasonable), no sugar or junk food and only an hour on the computer to do homework. Now, they’ve eased up a bit, I have wifi restrictions and a nanny system on my computer that lets them know exactly what I do and has a wifi shut off system. My phone also shuts off at 10:00 pm and I don’t have money (not allowed to use it). :/
V Martinez 1 year ago
Only an hour on the computer for homework? During that time, what happened if you didn't get your homework done in that time? Any extra time, or turn it in as is?
Load More Replies...
Kat Sotiriou 1 year ago
16 year old boy comes in for an abdomen x-ray and needs to get changed, the mother insists on being in the changing room with him he kept telling his mum no to leave him alone but she insisted and she went in. The second was a 17 year old girl who wanted her mother in the ultrasound room while she was getting a breast examination and the father insisted/demanded to be in the room to (he got his way)
Wade Schad 1 year ago
I'm a teenager 15 years old , old enough to start driving with a truck , but my parents won't let me drive up the road to grandparents house to help my grandpa . On a another note , I am not allowed to have a actual phone an have what is called a gabb kids phone , with no internet , no appstore , no groupchat and I cant send pictures . I have the money to pay for an iphone , but my mom who is super controlling said she doesn't want me to have a regular phone . I am also not allowed to hang out with my friends , because she doesn't want to take me , and they live in town . Also we have nothing to watch on our tv , because netflix sponsors abortion or some b******t like that so i have to watch the shows i want to watch on the school chromebook i am using to right this plea for help
Whimsical Duckling 1 year ago
Ugh, same. I recently fought with my mom about having a phone, and she said sarcastically that if I bought it for myself then I could have a phone. I did some reasearch, and it turns out I do have enough money to buy a phone and a cheap plan for myself! Then she changed her mind. 😑
Load More Replies... V Martinez 1 year ago
We had a parent at my kid's school that made sure she was a chaperone as often as she could get away with it. If they told her no, give other parents a chance, she'd keep her kid home that day. Her excuse for being a chaperone is not allowing anyone except herself to watch her kid. She also never let her kid ride the bus for field trips. Once we took stuff to the mall for a charity, then were to drive across the mall parking lot, to a park. Barely 5 minutes. Her son got on the bus because mom was unloading the charity stuff from her vehicle. The bus left for the park, was almost there, when the mom was speeding to catch the bus, honking, and yelling for them to pull over. Bus stopped not knowing what was wrong, only for her to scream and yell for her kid to get off the bus. So she could drive him to the park. Just a few hundred feet away. (Think the length of a football field.) I heard she later adopted a kid. Poor kids.
William Turner 1 year ago
Where to start lol ... I am going to be 40 next month. I live in Ottawa and plan on moving to the northwest part of Argentina for a reason. Luckily I am financially independent and am on the winning side of COVID and the ensuing economic Armageddon.
h to da izzle 1 year ago
I went to elementary school with a dude that had some kind of Helicopter Parents. He was a nice guy but we barely saw him outside of school. He had to get home directly after school and was not allowed to come out to play until he had done his homework and the assignments given to him by his parents. These were usually basic tasks around the house or academic ones to train him for the next year of school. One time he let us other kids in the house while his parents were grocery shopping, we saw the assignments(handwritten or copied out of study books, this was in the 80s). He was always frightened when we got our test back, he was not allowed to have a B or worse or he would be grounded and had taken his video games away. We went to diferent schools after elementary so i haven't seen him since then.
Alexandra Davis 1 year ago
As a teacher I saw a fair few, one that jumps out most is this one. Girl was in year 7 (11-12 years old first year of secondary school) and has autism and we are a school just for people with autism. Mum had gone beyond having to do some extra things because of her daughters autism and proper babied her and was a helicopter parent. Poor girl didn't know how to shower alone, get dressed, change her period pads, eat her lunch or anything. After pe mum wanted us to shower her and dress her, when she was in her period we had to change her pads and at lunch would have to feed her. Myself and the other year 7 staff worked hard on teaching her to do all these things along, unsure if she couldn't do it or if she had never been given the chance. Within weeks she was able to do them with a few verbal prompts and by Christmas she could do it all alone. We told mum thinking she'd be happy. She flipped her sh*t and was NOT happy and we realised she was a helicopter mum. We lied saying we did jt
ZoeTheGreat 1 year ago
I’m in care. My last carer was definitely a helicopter parent. She was strict about phones and wouldn’t let me have games on it. She was also strict about sugar and decided I could only have a certain amount per day. I’m so glad I’m out of that house now.
Leo Domitrix 1 year ago
"Helicopter" parents have the kind of issues that require intervention. The kids are their victims. My one aunt got this way with her kids. One converted to a religion that doesn't share an afterlife with my aunt's and openly said "So I don't even have to share hell with her". My dad was... overbearing and cruel. Had it occurred to him to be a "helicopter", he'd have been. Instead, he was a tank. Equally painful in its way. TLDR: "Helicopter parents" need psych help.
FantastiKitty 1 year ago
"So I don't even have to share hell with her". That's really intense.
Load More Replies... JoMeBee 1 year ago
All of this nonsense reminds me of taking my kid to kindergarten orientation. Few hours long, walked them through the school, took them on a bus and discussed rules and expectations. Event wrapped up with a trip to the cafeteria for a snack to simulate lunchtime. Every single mom except me was helping their kid with their cookie wrapper and milk carton. I was standing in the back with some kid's grandpa...
Patricia 1 year ago
I love my kids and of course I worried about them. But the parent's job is to raise the child to be a successful adult (I don't mean materially successful, I mean able to live life on their own.) You can't achieve that goal if you do everything for them. Advise, certainly. Teach. Then let go and watch them enjoy their life.
Tams21 1 year ago
Exactly. I think it's normal to find it difficult to let go in some circumstances but the point will come where you have to trust them to do the right thing.
Load More Replies... Lori w 1 year ago
Sometimes parents are like this because they got abused in a trusted setting.
FantastiKitty 1 year ago
Some people mentioned that maybe they lost a kid before. It's understandable, but they need to work on it, this isn't good for the kid nor for them.
Load More Replies... RedPanda 1 year ago
Used to have a strict 8 pm bedtime, no TV, no phone until 9th grade (which is honestly pretty reasonable), no sugar or junk food and only an hour on the computer to do homework. Now, they’ve eased up a bit, I have wifi restrictions and a nanny system on my computer that lets them know exactly what I do and has a wifi shut off system. My phone also shuts off at 10:00 pm and I don’t have money (not allowed to use it). :/
V Martinez 1 year ago
Only an hour on the computer for homework? During that time, what happened if you didn't get your homework done in that time? Any extra time, or turn it in as is?
Load More Replies... Kat Sotiriou 1 year ago
16 year old boy comes in for an abdomen x-ray and needs to get changed, the mother insists on being in the changing room with him he kept telling his mum no to leave him alone but she insisted and she went in. The second was a 17 year old girl who wanted her mother in the ultrasound room while she was getting a breast examination and the father insisted/demanded to be in the room to (he got his way)
Wade Schad 1 year ago
I'm a teenager 15 years old , old enough to start driving with a truck , but my parents won't let me drive up the road to grandparents house to help my grandpa . On a another note , I am not allowed to have a actual phone an have what is called a gabb kids phone , with no internet , no appstore , no groupchat and I cant send pictures . I have the money to pay for an iphone , but my mom who is super controlling said she doesn't want me to have a regular phone . I am also not allowed to hang out with my friends , because she doesn't want to take me , and they live in town . Also we have nothing to watch on our tv , because netflix sponsors abortion or some b******t like that so i have to watch the shows i want to watch on the school chromebook i am using to right this plea for help
Whimsical Duckling 1 year ago
Ugh, same. I recently fought with my mom about having a phone, and she said sarcastically that if I bought it for myself then I could have a phone. I did some reasearch, and it turns out I do have enough money to buy a phone and a cheap plan for myself! Then she changed her mind. 😑
Load More Replies... V Martinez 1 year ago
We had a parent at my kid's school that made sure she was a chaperone as often as she could get away with it. If they told her no, give other parents a chance, she'd keep her kid home that day. Her excuse for being a chaperone is not allowing anyone except herself to watch her kid. She also never let her kid ride the bus for field trips. Once we took stuff to the mall for a charity, then were to drive across the mall parking lot, to a park. Barely 5 minutes. Her son got on the bus because mom was unloading the charity stuff from her vehicle. The bus left for the park, was almost there, when the mom was speeding to catch the bus, honking, and yelling for them to pull over. Bus stopped not knowing what was wrong, only for her to scream and yell for her kid to get off the bus. So she could drive him to the park. Just a few hundred feet away. (Think the length of a football field.) I heard she later adopted a kid. Poor kids.
William Turner 1 year ago
Where to start lol ... I am going to be 40 next month. I live in Ottawa and plan on moving to the northwest part of Argentina for a reason. Luckily I am financially independent and am on the winning side of COVID and the ensuing economic Armageddon.
h to da izzle 1 year ago
I went to elementary school with a dude that had some kind of Helicopter Parents. He was a nice guy but we barely saw him outside of school. He had to get home directly after school and was not allowed to come out to play until he had done his homework and the assignments given to him by his parents. These were usually basic tasks around the house or academic ones to train him for the next year of school. One time he let us other kids in the house while his parents were grocery shopping, we saw the assignments(handwritten or copied out of study books, this was in the 80s). He was always frightened when we got our test back, he was not allowed to have a B or worse or he would be grounded and had taken his video games away. We went to diferent schools after elementary so i haven't seen him since then.
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