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Every writer aspires to write a killer opening line for their story. However, some of them try too hard to instantly capture the reader's attention, and fail hilariously. Thanks to the writer Adam Cadre, who has held the Lyttle Lytton Contest since 2001, we have a huge amount of absolutely horrendous first-liners not only to laugh at, but also learn from. Each entry is accompanied by Adam's witty commentary, that could maybe help improve your writing!

Adam was inspired to create his own contest after borrowing the idea from the annual Bulwer-Lytton contest, which also 'celebrates' the worst opening sentences of novels. As Adam explained in his website, the original contest started getting a little too "unwieldy" for his taste, so in turn, he created a contest with entries no longer than 33 words.

Read the best submissions of 2018 below, and tell us what you think in the comments.

More info: adamcadre.ac

This post may include affiliate links.

#1

Eric‑san had only one goal in life: make Kimiko‑chan his waifu‑chan.

Dylan Report

Final score:
40points
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#2

A tear rolled down her face like a tractor. “David,” she said tearfully, “I don’t want to be a farmer no more.”

anonymous Report

Final score:
28points
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#3

Dany approached the castle. (If you’ve forgotten about Dany, reread books 3‑6). In her hand, she held the sword Justificier (reread book 7), still bearing the blood of Durin (reread book 9).

Jenny Report

Final score:
28points
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#4

Agent Gunner Storm closed his steely grey eyes and pictured the erotic sphere of Lady Liberty’s bare breast as he thrust into the terrorist princess.

Greg P Report

Final score:
27points
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#5

As I felt the vampire sexily drinking the blood from my neck, the warmth between my legs grew both in wetness and in fear for my life.

Cole Borsch Report

Final score:
25points
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#6

The girl with the vegan pork regarded me with eyes more kind than the nonviolence on her plate.

Neil Martin Report

Final score:
23points
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dianayart avatar
Dianimal
Dianimal
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm reading this as I eat my vegan pork and the kindness in my eyes is painful

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#7

The tongue has no bones, but it is strong enough to break a heart.

Power of Positivity Facebook page quoted by Clare Fischer Report

Final score:
23points
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#8

She walked in with a dress the paralyzing green of the BlackWidow Ultimate Stealth 2014 Edition Elite Mechanical Gaming Keyboard by Razer (4.5 stars, 37 customer reviews)

Katherine Morayati Report

Final score:
21points
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#9

Let me tell you about Sally. Her tits were good.

Sam Kabo Ashwell Report

Final score:
19points
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#10

“It looks like this continent is out of water,” I said in Antarctica, as a rookery of penguins waddled thirstily by.

Ally Walker Report

Final score:
17points
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#11

I had always been the kind of woman to put my career first, but as I prepared to abandon my crying children to go to work for the hundredth time, a thought struck me—​“Was this His plan for me?”

Holly McEwen Report

Final score:
14points
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#12

You find a cave (you’re a male Half‑elf). The female Full‑elves inside try to restrain their libidos, but that’s like butterfly nets trying to stop 100 mph of uncooked rice.

Allie Brosh Report

Final score:
13points
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#13

My lamestream friends told me to start dating again, but I knew the jet fuel of love couldn’t melt the steel beams of my heart.

Klaus Virtanen Report

Final score:
13points
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#14

The award show was a veritable orgy—​not of sex, but of cultural appropriation.

Bari Weiss, New York Times, 2017.0830 quoted by Peter Berkman Report

Final score:
12points
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#15

Commander B. G. Robinson is very feminine and graciously endowed: everything she has two of are perfectly matched, coordinated, and move with a wonderful grace that is called “woman.”

Star Trek: The Next Generation episode “The Outrageous Okona” shooting script adapted by Harper Cole Report

Final score:
11points
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#16

Tad quit school to paint the canvas of Google Maps, his dad’s Camry his brush and his mind his own.

Hannah Sim Report

Final score:
11points
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#17

“Thou must bewarest of woman, little Abu,” quoth wisely the Master. “For while her eyes holdeth the sweetness of a hundred dates, her lips holdeth the sting of a thousand scorpions.”

Benjamin Smith Report

Final score:
9points
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#18

The puddle detective Amelia Stone stepped into reminded her of a pool of blood or sins as dark as the muddy water.

Iva Hauer Report

Final score:
9points
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#19

THE BULLET JOURNAL OF KELSEY JOY
To‑Do: 1/1 - 1/7
* Three‑year anniversary w/ partner in crime!!!
^ Appointment w/ ob/gyn
- Study for LSAT
+ Solve sister’s murder

Aimee Lim Report

Final score:
9points
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#20

The brute was reminiscent of an ancient Ethiopian warrior, bristling with muscle and melanin, yet Charlie was unfazed.

Grayson Seelke Report

Final score:
8points
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#21

Joe just looks at me with that stupid look, covered in flowing blood, going onto his shirt like ketchup randomness, so much messier and more random than I could ever plan.

Palo Alto by James Franco quoted by Ruben Luthman Report

Final score:
8points
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#22

Our eyes are always pointing at things we are interested in approaching, or investigating, or looking at, or having.

12 Rules for Life by Jordan Peterson quoted anonymously Report

Final score:
7points
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#23

I dance with English, and our tale is only just beginning.

Gods of the Word by Margaret Magnus quoted anonymously Report

Final score:
7points
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#24

Texas “Cheap Shot” Jack, the famous Newark poker player, sighed about his life. Matters of the heart—​unlike the hearts he held in his hand—​could not be folded so easily.

Sam Coppini Report

Final score:
6points
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confred78 avatar
Marlowe Fitzpatrik
Marlowe Fitzpatrik
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow... this sounds like a beginning of a fanfiction-story that I would not continue reading.

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#25

There is no human hunger like unto the hunger for pride.

Brad Hanon Report

Final score:
6points
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#26

Queen Aquareine had a stern look upon her beautiful face. Cap’n Bill guessed from this look that the mermaid was angry.

The Sea Fairies by L. Frank Baum quoted anonymously Report

Final score:
6points
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#27

General Clap did not understand the way of the ancient warrior. However, the Shadow Wolves did.

The Way of the Shadow Wolves by Steven Seagal and Tom Morrissey quoted by Brendan Atkins Report

Final score:
6points
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#28

The atmospheric molecules that filled the Rose Bowl were in full vibration as kickoff approached.

Ryan McGee, espn.com, 2017.0915 quoted by Ryan S. Report

Final score:
6points
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#29

Meghan Markle could not wait to say yes to Prince Harry when he proposed during a cosy night in over a roast chicken.

@TheScotsman, 2017.1127 quoted by Alyssa Alcorn Report

Final score:
5points
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#30

Unhesitantly I skydove, commending my body into the lightweight but capable hands of my parachute.

Hannah Sim Report

Final score:
5points
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Rebecca Norman
Rebecca Norman
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The other parachute model we considered also had legs but that was just a little bit too weird.

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