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Relationships aren't perfect; what's more, the people in them are far from perfect too. We all have bad habits and personality faults. However, what to one person might seem like a minor issue, can be a sign of actually abusive behavior.

According to the U.S. National Domestic Violence Hotline, over one in three women and one in four men have experienced abuse by an intimate partner. We don't always spot the signs in time, but there actually are some.

Recently, people online have been sharing what red flags they ignored in past relationships. When u/HappyHappyJoyJoy44 asked other netizens, "What was the first red flag you ignored in your worst relationship?", many people shared some heavy experiences.

#1

"Left Her Boyfriend To Be With Me": 50 Red Flags People Wouldn't Ignore In A Partner Again He threw an absolute fit at the quality of hummus in a Lebanese restaurant. Like, threw food around the table, yelled at the poor waitress, then stormed out without paying. Then we went to a pub and he was asked to take off his hat AND OH DEAR LORD was that a mistake.

I was recovering from an abusive relationship so this guy was...differently bad...which was apparently OK?

I eventually had to block him (and his many, many alts) after he accused me of abuse and threatened to call the police. He had read The Ethical S**t and decided that he was poly and that I had 'abused' him through mutually agreeable monogamy.

I now have a good therapist and self esteem.

nabbitnabbitnabbit , Life Of Pix Report

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Shark queen 🦈🦈🦈
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He seemed like he probably has a face that I think would be improved if it where to have a table dropped on it.

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#2

It was a very short relationship, but early early on we were at his folks and standing around the kitchen. His dad was headed to the store he asked his dad what he was going to the store for and his dad was like “oh some things, milk, bread, I’ll probably pick up something for dinner” in the most average and normal tone of voice. I nod. The guy I was seeing explodes and goes “I was just asking!!!!”. My head spun around. I was so confused. How could anyone have interpreted his dad’s calm nonchalant grocery list as a personal attack.
In hindsight how unphased his dad seemed should have indicated this wasn’t a rare occurrence….

fulltimeheretic Report

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#3

"Left Her Boyfriend To Be With Me": 50 Red Flags People Wouldn't Ignore In A Partner Again Rage. Sudden outburst of rage.

Financial_Neck832: This was a red flag I ignored, too. 'He had a bad day,' or 'Wow, he hates this person & is so angry, this person must've wounded him deeply.' "

Nope, he was just an abusive narcissist. He liked getting angry, hurting others, and making people afraid. It was how he controlled people and situations so everything would go his way.

I'm glad I got the hell outta that marriage. Steer clear of ragers, it's not a phase.

Strike_Anywhere_1 , Usman Yousaf Report

#4

"Left Her Boyfriend To Be With Me": 50 Red Flags People Wouldn't Ignore In A Partner Again When his football team lost so he went into the kitchen and smashed every glass on the floor.

Drynapples , Tembela Bohle Report

#5

He told me his previous exes found each other and formed a support group 😅.

bee_vee Report

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Yellow dot
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1 month ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was part of one of these types of groups, but I found myself trauma-bonding with his other exes. I'm better off just talking to a non partisan therapist.

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#6

"Left Her Boyfriend To Be With Me": 50 Red Flags People Wouldn't Ignore In A Partner Again Mine happened on the very first date. He said he was late because he was having trouble finding parking. He later told me he actually walked to the place from his nearby apartment. Sure, we all make innocuous white lies, but all he did was lie the entire relationship.

HappyHappyJoyJoy44 , Jep Gambardella Report

#7

"Left Her Boyfriend To Be With Me": 50 Red Flags People Wouldn't Ignore In A Partner Again When I met his friends they all told me I could do so much better. If he was genuinely a good guy his buddies wouldn’t be trying to give me a heads up.

He turned into a serial cheater and gas lighter. It was always everyone else’s fault and not his and everyone just made up lies about him “just because.”.

WavyTexan , Toa Heftiba Şinca Report

#8

"Left Her Boyfriend To Be With Me": 50 Red Flags People Wouldn't Ignore In A Partner Again His friends kicked me out of a road trip because he didn’t tell them I was coming. He didn’t stand up for me and left on the road trip anyways.

ckp010 , Tobi Report

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Pencil McGovern
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So he was too cowardly to talk to them about having you come, too cowardly to tell you that he hadn't spoken to them about it. and too cowardly to do anything but roll when the inevitable confrontation happened. Damn.

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#9

"Left Her Boyfriend To Be With Me": 50 Red Flags People Wouldn't Ignore In A Partner Again Dismissive comments about my interests seemed minor until they became a pattern.

MrGrumplestiltskin: Yes, this one! I wore dresses a lot and like the color pink. I was always told that was "too girly" (even though I'm a girl, I was meant to think badly about liking this color). I started dating a high school best friend and he told me "I don't like cute things" while also telling me how cute he thought I was and how he liked bending down to kiss me. It was confusing. He didn't like girls who wore dresses or hyperfeminine (which I am both). He didn't like being romantic and made fun of me when I kept flowers he gifted me. Being dismissive or even ridiculing things is such a huge red flag.

ElegantMia , cottonbro studio Report

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Lola July
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Reminds me of my 2nd husband eventually disliking everything he initially found attractive about me. It was a him problem, not me. We separated, I had lots of friends who loved me, I told him "I like me, they like me. If you don't like me, quit calling me."

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#10

"Left Her Boyfriend To Be With Me": 50 Red Flags People Wouldn't Ignore In A Partner Again Everything I liked and enjoyed he would make fun of me and take the p**s. I was young (18/19) and had never had a relationship before. I was very much in love with him too. I felt like I was sad and pathetic. So I stopped doing what I loved and wouldn’t tell him anything.

I’m 29 now, and never been in another relationship as it seriously changed me. I’m getting back to myself. I know 10 years is a long time but, I’m accepting that now. I now do what I love. I read, I write, I paint, I water colour. I am happy and content again. I feel like I’ve got myself back. It took years for me to accept myself again because of this boy.

(I remember he made me go on a d***s run, because he said “no one will think you have anything and you’ll be fine, just go get it and come to my work” when I did that for him he said ‘thank god you’re a f*****g nerd’ … I was stupid and stayed with him. He used to cry after sex and say how good I was & I used to be so confused. He ended it by cheating on me and telling me ‘you look nothing like the girls I wanna f**k at work’

It changed me. I’m now a single 29 year old trying to get by life and regain myself and my happiness.

Desperate_Divide6354 , Liza Summer Report

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Moo
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

...He was making fun of reading, writing and painting?? I mean he shouldn't make fun of her for /any/ hobby, but those are such common ones???

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#11

"Left Her Boyfriend To Be With Me": 50 Red Flags People Wouldn't Ignore In A Partner Again He threw a bottle of beer at me so hard and fast the bottle cap stuck in the wall. I should have left and never gone back. Yes it got worse, yes I got out eventually.

allypallyplaytime , Karolina Kaboompics Report

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Chich
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We had only been dating a short while when I had a glass of water explode on the wall by my head because I would not suddenly take a week off work to go visit one of her friends. It didn't last and I did not give it a chance to get worse. Been there before.

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#12

Relentless pursuit after I rejected him. We are taught to think that pursuit means they are interested in us and that it’s romantic to be chased. But really, it’s a red flag that highlights their inability to respect the word “no”.

After 5 years of an emotionally abusive relationship, I always paid attention to that.

lydviciousss Report

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Okiedokie
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1 month ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The one who won’t take ‘no’ for an answer the first 250 times is still not going to take ‘no’ for an answer after you say ‘yes.’ It’s just far, far harder to see the red flags once you say yes. The pushiness that you caved to will turn on you. Fast.

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#13

"Left Her Boyfriend To Be With Me": 50 Red Flags People Wouldn't Ignore In A Partner Again She literally tried to break up with me and told me she was bad for me and I convinced her she wasn’t. Turns out she was right. I was in that relationship for 6 years and married her. Most traumatic relationship of my life and took years of therapy to undo the damage. People will tell you who they are in many ways and you need to listen.

Kaystew666 , Alex Green Report

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Montanavanna
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I had a friend that I gave 3 chances too. She would bring bad people into my life. We had a whole discussion about how she will be cut out again if she does it. I finally cut her out for good when detectives were questioning me because she decided to forge checks using my computer. Also said I was involved in a robbery that I had no idea even occurred til I am sitting in the cop shop answering all their questions.

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#14

Honestly I think I was the problem in my early relationships. I grew up with an abusive mom who told me she should have aborted me. And I think that f****d me up for a long time and I wasn't the best partner. Or the best version of me. I didn't purposefully hurt anyone but I can't say I didn't.

Acciosab Report

#15

His parents kept telling me that “You do know he has anger issues, right??” And my dumb a*s was like “It’s OK! I love him!”

Those anger issues were a huge part of our ultimate breakup. When someone’s family members warn you about their negative qualities (barring unusual circumstances, like toxicity within the family), LISTEN TO THEM.

patentlydorky Report

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Alexandra
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you thought your love was going to make his anger issues go away, you fell into the trap many women fall in: the believe that their love has the power to transform someone from a raging heap of aggression into a stable, nurturing and trustworthy person. No: people seldom change and if they do, it's because there is something in it for them.

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#16

He was so sweet and shy when we met. When he told me his doctor diagnosed him as a sociopath. I was like "aww no youre not". Anyways, it wasnt long after that he started beating me. He was in fact, a sociopath, and he literally told me but my dumb a*s was like, nah.

captaincumragx Report

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Memaw Mitch
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My ex told me he was anti social, my dumass thought that meant he wasn't a people person. Right from day 0, said he was friends with my current bf, got my number off his phone when he borrowed it for a min. Before he even called his plan was in place, he manipulating me saying you should hear the bad things my current bf was saying about me, but don't tell him. Because you're too good for him... Charmer, liked EVERYTHING I liked, I was on his pedestal, for months. Until I was sick and he said I can't do sick. But the next day brought flowers to help me get well (he knew I already was feeling better). Eventually we lived together and I couldn't cut onions right, house not clean enough, random comments like you won't put out, I'll find it someone else who will. 5 years in, he'd never been physically abusive until one night he tried to kill me and make it look like suicide. Found preparatory he left behind with diagnosis Antisocial Personality Disorder, with psychotic tendencies.

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#17

"Left Her Boyfriend To Be With Me": 50 Red Flags People Wouldn't Ignore In A Partner Again The first red flag was that they rejected my feelings and concerns. I should've paid more attention to that.

Mental_Gift_8997 , Karolina Kaboompics Report

#18

"Left Her Boyfriend To Be With Me": 50 Red Flags People Wouldn't Ignore In A Partner Again Dismissed their constant need to control everything as just “being protective”.

SmallHazel , Monstera Production Report

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Learner Panda
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ex did this. Total control over everything by withholding sleep. All work that needed doing in the house had to be paid for in advance with s*x.

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#19

"Left Her Boyfriend To Be With Me": 50 Red Flags People Wouldn't Ignore In A Partner Again Being told he'd worried I wouldn't be 'intellectual' enough for him, but not to worry, because I'd passed.

First thought at the time was "bell-end". Definitely should've trusted those instincts...

MelonBump , Cristian Benavides Report

#20

She gave away her dog of six years because he got sick (before I met her). Didn’t really stop and think how insanely f****d up that is. Makes me hate her thinking about it.

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#21

Intense jealousy of my daughter being in my life.

citereh17 Report

#22

"Left Her Boyfriend To Be With Me": 50 Red Flags People Wouldn't Ignore In A Partner Again Even though they were 'too busy' to respond to texts, they managed to spend the entire day posting on social media.

notSanii: Dude, this annoys me to my core. Most recently, a guy I was talking to used to run Call of Duty with me all the time, and now when I ask to chill and game he says he’s too tired for games. An hour later I see that he’s gaming with his friends.

His excuse: 'they asked me.' Man, it’s all BS. Just say you don’t care to hang out anymore. Same with the social media thing, they simply don’t care to talk anymore.

imurdigigirlfriend , Kerde Severin Report

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#23

"Left Her Boyfriend To Be With Me": 50 Red Flags People Wouldn't Ignore In A Partner Again People would give me a weird look when I told them who I was dating, and ask why. They’d say he had a reputation for being an a*****e, but hey maybe he’s different once you get to know him. Turns out he was, in fact, an a*****e.

Willing-Hour3643: That she didn't get along with anybody. She was an argumentative and controlling person in all of her personal relationships."

I ignored all that and thought she'd change but after I was with her, I saw that she blamed everyone for her own shortcomings and had anger issues and mental issues and refused to get help

GlamSpam , Afeez Ajibola Yusuf Report

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#24

"Left Her Boyfriend To Be With Me": 50 Red Flags People Wouldn't Ignore In A Partner Again Oof… I ignored a lot.

1. Him admitting he cheated on his ex multiple times.
2. Having a lot of girls on his snap/social media.
3. Finding hair ties/girl items in his room around the time we became official.
4. Love-bombing
5. Flirty with other women. Teetering on the boundary between friendship and inappropriate.

Numerous_Leading_544 , Trinity Kubassek Report

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Jaya
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Having a lot of girls on your social media, doesn't mean anything. Some people connect more with boys, some more with girls, and some don't have a preference.

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#25

My (36f) first month with my last bf, I had plans to go to the Renaissance fair with some friends and invited him but he had to work. he acted super pissed the night before that I was still going without him. then the next morning he called me saying he was having a stroke (42m, smoker) and I was like omg call 911, I’m omw to your apartment.

he says no, don’t come over. so I wait. he calls me from the hospital (that he drove to!) 30 min later and says his brother met him there. at this point it’s clear it wasn’t a stroke, and I say can I come meet you, which hospital. he says no.

so I take my friends to the Ren fair and text and call to check on him. he ends up flipping out on me saying I should never have gone since he was in the hospital. I just thought since we had only been dating a month, and his family was there, and he wouldn’t cooperate in telling me which hospital to go to, or where to meet him to see him, AND HE WAS FINE, I didn’t think cancelling my plan was appropriate, or even what he wanted.

This set the stage for the rest of the relationship. He would never admit to what he wanted or needed, and actually would tell me the opposite of what he needed, sincerely, even when I said ah but let me take care of you! or whatever. Histrionic displays and tantrums are a big red flag and you need to leave immediately.

It ended in him almost killing me during a tantrum on a camping trip two years later. They do not change for you, once you show them you’ll stay through their bad behavior.

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#26

"Left Her Boyfriend To Be With Me": 50 Red Flags People Wouldn't Ignore In A Partner Again He was a mama's boy. Girl, no matter what... they never change and you'll never be first 🤷🏻‍♀️

PD: And he'll cheat on you because the only person he needs to be loyal to is his mom 😅.

Fantastic_Photo_8660 , Yan Krukau Report

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Jaya
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I really doubt there's a connection between being a mama's boy and being a cheater.

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#27

"Left Her Boyfriend To Be With Me": 50 Red Flags People Wouldn't Ignore In A Partner Again It wasn’t one red flag, it was red bunting. She basically told me the story of how she screwed over every boyfriend she’d ever had (and there were a lot). I finally realised these were a warning but she’d shredded my heart and set fire to the pieces by then.

NotoriousREV , Alex Green Report

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Alexandra
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Uhm, she literally told you what kind of a person she was right from the start. I wonder what you saw in her to make you dismiss all of that.

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#28

A real pattern of stories in which they were always the victim, with no apparent introspection / admission around their own role in any given issue or situation. And wouldn’t you know it….

StTickleMeElmosFire Report

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highwaycrossingfrog
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1 month ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My friend is like this. She's a lovely person and a lot of fun, but boy is she always the victim. Her neighbours have it in for because they sometimes take up slightly too much space with their cars on her street *with unallocated parking* and make it hard for her to manoeuvre into the spot outside her house. She keeps changing jobs and even careers because every single job she's ever had her boss doesn't like her and deliberately sabotages her. She's an expert at seeing the negative in any situation. It actually makes her physically ill because she is so super stressed all the time

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#29

"Left Her Boyfriend To Be With Me": 50 Red Flags People Wouldn't Ignore In A Partner Again When they brushed off my boundaries like they were suggestions.

mariana96as: I should’ve known my ex didn’t know what boundaries are when I saw that his parents have two toilets facing each other in their bathroom. The whole family is insane

No__direction: Mine didn’t even have a bathroom door. Just a curtain. They removed the door! No knocking either. They’d look through the curtain, stair for a long moment the say 'hurry up' or walk away with an irritated vibe.

Boundaries did not exist in that house. Everything was everyone’s business… even my sister’s monthly cycle

SnowyShoreline09 , Odonata Wellnesscenter Report

#30

"Left Her Boyfriend To Be With Me": 50 Red Flags People Wouldn't Ignore In A Partner Again So many! I feel like an idiot thinking back.
But the biggest one: he kept saying ¨Im not good at relationships¨
plot twist, he wasnt

insert shocked pikachu face.

Extension_Lack194 , Keira Burton Report

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Lola July
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When they tell you who they are, believe them. He's a horrible partner...

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#31

Started seeing a 40F who accused every partner she's had since she was a freshman in high school of being abusive & controlling (including, eventually, both me and the guy she left me for)

One is unfortunate. Two or three means maybe some therapy is in order. Fifteen to twenty means you might be projecting a little bit (spoiler: she was abusive and controlling).

BroseppeVerdi Report

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LakotaWolf (she/her)
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am reminded of a quote from the movie "Lucky Number Slevin". This isn't the exact quote that the character The Rabbi says, but it's paraphrased: "If one man calls you a horse, you punch him in the nose. If another man calls you a horse, you hit him in the stomach. If a third man calls you a horse, well, then, maybe it's time to go shopping for a saddle."

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#32

"Left Her Boyfriend To Be With Me": 50 Red Flags People Wouldn't Ignore In A Partner Again Lack of car for his younger brother. first time i slept over and we went to pick up breakfast for us and his younger brother. we didn’t realize they messed up his brother’s order (they legit gave us an untoasted mcmuffin, nothing else). it was literally a 2 min drive so i insisted we go back quickly as we just pulled into the driveway. he refused, didnt even offer to give his younger brother his order instead and got mad when i offered mine up. told his brother to deal with it and i got in MY car and drove to get the right order for his brother. i didnt mind as it was a 2 minute drive and i didnt want him eating a plain untoasted mcmuffin, plus we were left to take care of him since their parents were out of town for business.

livelaughshop , KATRIN BOLOVTSOVA Report

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#33

"Left Her Boyfriend To Be With Me": 50 Red Flags People Wouldn't Ignore In A Partner Again I just broke up with someone who would belittle my hobbies and interests at any given opportunity I’m sorry I hope you find someone who appreciates you.

Its_Curse: This exactly. About two weeks into the relationship he spent 30 minutes telling me how sh**ty and absolute garbage he thought my favorite band was. I got upset and he said 'Well I'm not making fun of you, just this sh*t band.'
He then proceeded to mock me for literally everything I liked and did for the next two years. My taste in music, my favorite shows, my hobbies, what I liked to eat, what I read, what I wore, my friends, my family. He once literally turned me picking a bagel for breakfast into a screaming match about how I only eat gross sh*t and how I do it on purpose to upset him (I had no idea he didn't like bagels???).
It turns out it was never about the bagel or the music. He was just a controlling and abusive nightmare and was taking his bad day out on me. I left him after he physically assaulted me. I wish my self esteem had been good enough for me to get out of there sooner. I still have CPTSD over it all.

anxiousBarnes: And of course their hobbies are so much more important than yours. I hate that so much. Used to be with a guy who liked 'educational' passtimes like learning new languages and playing instruments and bs like that (all stuff his parents forced into him from a young age) so of course me wanting to read comics and take hip hop dance classes for fun was obviously just absurd and beneath him.

ShoesOverboard , Alex Green Report

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Beak Hookage
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That guy with the long dreads sure shows up a lot in articles like this one.

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#34

He constantly talked down about other women. He would comment on their weight, the clothes they wore, would criticize their tattoos, literally anythinggggg and as time went on I was no different when it came to facing his ridicule. Learned a difficult and forever life altering lesson with him.

ZealousidealToe9439 Report

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goldoche
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah, same here. But I was "not like the other girls", you know 🙄 confronted him each time, but still stayed...

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#35

The first time I saw my ex acting upset snapping at his roommate while making dinner, I gently laid my hand on his arm and asked "Is something wrong?" He yelled "IM FINE" and kept yelling at me all night, angry at me for "prying". Turns out he would treat me like this every time he was upset for the next few years.

whatthewebshouldbe Report

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Aroace tiger (she/they/he)
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I quite literally would melt if someone was sweet like that when i was upset or mad- i cannot understand people

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#36

"Left Her Boyfriend To Be With Me": 50 Red Flags People Wouldn't Ignore In A Partner Again The age gap. I was very newly 18, she was 31.

Scarecrowqueen , olia danilevich Report

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Andrew Irish
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My first serious relationship was with one of my high school teachers, I was 17 and homeless and she was 37 and single. It messed me up so badly I got into one horribly abusive relationship after another once she was finished with me.

Andrew Irish
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Until I took years off of dating to heal and go to therapy. Eventually, meeting the lady in the picture, my amazing wife. ;)

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StrangeOne
Community Member
1 month ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wtf??? I swear adults who are a lot older than a teenager, but go after teenagers when they reach 18 must be closet pedos who are trying to keep it "legal" so they don't get charged.

Ace
Community Member
1 month ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Attraction to an 18 year old is not paedophilia. Not saying it's right, but it's a very different sort (and level) of wrong.

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Trundle
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Look at all creepy perverts taking a break from looking through high school girls Instagram pages to defend the obvious groomer. Nothing surprising about that unfortunately

Urbangirlatl
Community Member
1 month ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's more than the gap, it's also stage of life. 18-31 is not the same as 30-43, for example. "Half plus 8" is a good rule of thumb. Half you age, then add 8. That's the youngest you should date. I know it sounds arbitrary (and I'm sure I'll get flak), but think of any example. A 31 y.o. dating younger than 23/24 is weird. A 20 y.o. dating an 18 y.o. wouldn't cause any raised eyebrows. 60-25? Weird. 34-25, sure!

Rachel Pelz
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

13 year age gap...not necessarily a red flag if both have some life experience as an adult. But newly adult and much older person would make me wonder if and why adult can't find partner with similar life experience...

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Lyoness
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How do we spell it again? Oh, that's right. G. R. O. O. M. I. N. G.

Pencil McGovern
Community Member
1 month ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We have no information here that 31 groomed 18 in any way. They could have met at a party or a bookstore and 31 simply asked 18 out and 18 said yes. Let's reserve that word for the criminally manipulative intent it's meant to describe. [Edited to correct my gender assumptions as correctly pointed out by @TheBlueBitterfly.]

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Manel Ibáñez
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Two consenting adults? No need to judge here. Sometimes the age gap is an advantage in a relationship as long as it’s based on love and mutual respect. There’s no need to asume bad intentions just because the age gap. That’s just a prejudice.

Alexandra
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes, they are 2 adults and no, they don't have the same level of life experience, simply because one is just 18 and the other 31. At 18, your brain is still developing; this only finishes in your twenties. So there is a huge imbalance.

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Lisbeth Guz
Community Member
1 month ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The problem is not only the age gap, but the power imbalance. Someone who is 31 is probably independent, has their own money, lives in their own place while someone who is 18 has none of these things, are not mature enough and sometimes are easy too impress. The older person has more power over the youngest

Apatheist Account2
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1 month ago

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Men reach their sexual peak at 18, women at 38. It actually makes biological sense that way round.

TheBlueBitterfly
Community Member
1 month ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Because sex is the ONLY important thing in a relationship, right?? /s 🙄 (And contrary to BP's graphic, nowhere does it say this was a man and a woman.)

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#37

The fact that he only seemed to show love or affection through gifts/financial things.

Turns out the entire relationship was based around manipulation, financial abuse, and control. Took a lot of work to unfuck that situation.

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#38

He was rude (verbally abusive) towards his mum over something minor.  Didn’t take him long to treat me the same over minor things, only even worse. .

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Alexandra
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's said that if you want to know how a man will treat you, look at the way he treats his mother.

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#39

"Left Her Boyfriend To Be With Me": 50 Red Flags People Wouldn't Ignore In A Partner Again Flakiness and excuses.

Say_Fellas: Second this. The flakiness. Saying they’ll do something then forgetting about it. Cheap words that get your hopes high with nothing to show at the end of it. Not just a few times but Again and Again until you realise it is who they are.

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#40

On the first date she said "I'm kind of obsessive"

She then proceeded to stalk me for a year after I broke up with her. Fortunately, we were both in the military, and she transferred to another command eventually.

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Alexandra
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Should someone like that be in the military at all? I mean, if she's not a marksman?

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#41

"Left Her Boyfriend To Be With Me": 50 Red Flags People Wouldn't Ignore In A Partner Again Caught him in a lie...but let it go. Im stupid.

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Cathleen Cummings
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You're not stupid, just human. I had a "boyfriend" for a while that lied as frequently as he breathed, I overlooked it far too long.

#42

"Left Her Boyfriend To Be With Me": 50 Red Flags People Wouldn't Ignore In A Partner Again Didn't want to spend his free time with me.

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UKGrandad
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Depends on whether she means 'any' of his free time, in which case he's clearly not interested, or 'all' of his free time, in which case she's being suffocating.

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#43

‘Concerns’ that are subtly manipulative so that it will guilt trip you into doing what he wants you to do

Example, don’t accept the overseas scholarship because you will not be able to afford living there or have me around for support. It translated into please don’t go away from me because I am afraid you will find someone else better than me.

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#44

Not wanting to talk about anything serious 99% of the time.

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#45

The first night we had sex I spent the night at his apartment. In the morning we were laying in bed naked and his doorbell rings. It was his ex-wife and his 4 year old daughter. He had “forgotten” that he was watching her for the morning. I literally grabbed my clothes and hid in his closet until his ex left. Then he plopped his daughter in front of the tv and snuck me out the door behind her.

Oh, he was also broke and turned out to be an alcoholic.

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#46

She got upset with me because I didn't ask her if she wanted to drive. It was my car.

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SheamusFanFrom1987
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1 month ago

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Okay, unpopular take, but if we are dating/married unless I have seen and confirmed that you are careful enough in handling that level of machinery, I'll be the one that drives you around. Firstly, because I want both of us arriving safe and sound. Secondly, any potential repairs (knock on wood) may cost as much an arm and a leg as an accident (again, knock on wood). Lastly, most times I'm the driver anyways when it comes to travelling so why not?

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#47

He was 22 and I was a known 16 yr old technically homeless girl (living in condemned housing). .

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#48

"Left Her Boyfriend To Be With Me": 50 Red Flags People Wouldn't Ignore In A Partner Again That she didn't get along with anybody. She was an argumentative and controlling person in all of her personal relationships. I ignored all that and thought she'd change but after I was with her, I saw that she blamed everyone for her own shortcomings and had anger issues and mental issues and refused to get help.

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#49

He had a back up girl incase i said no to being his girlfriend… we were together for over a year after that, not my proudest moment.

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#50

She used to open sandwiches and remove anything she don't like, then tried to do the same thing to me...

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#51

When he (who couldn't hold down a steady job) blamed me for two years for losing a job he had for a month. The reason? Supposedly he was staying with me and that's why he was late ONE day, but he was never late. At least not with me.

Then everything got worse and hit me, luckily I left him and the pandemic started.

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#52

Finding out that he was in a relationship when we started dating. We weren't official at the time, and when I found out, his buddies were giving him s**t over something and made a passing comment about him still seeing a girl when we started seeing each other. I asked him about it later in private and he told me that he had broken up with her before we officially became a couple, so I thought it was okay. He cheated on me later. To be young and dumb, lol.

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#53

She dumped me when I was inconvenient and would come back like nothing happened later.

To be fair, I was dumb enough to let her come back.

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Michael Largey
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A woman whom I thought was in a serious relationship with me suddenly dumped me because I was taking up too much of her time. Six weeks later, she wrote me saying that she was right in what she did but was willing to let me come back. I did not want my reply to be too long because I didn't want her to take up too much of her time reading it. So I chose the absolutely shortest response possible. To that letter and the ones that followed.

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#54

"Left Her Boyfriend To Be With Me": 50 Red Flags People Wouldn't Ignore In A Partner Again She left her boyfriend to be with me.

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Jaya
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She did the right thing though, if she didn't cheat but just broke up. Breaking up to be with someone else isn't a sign that someone is a flaky person who will move from partner to partner. Yes, being left for someone else is horribly painful, but that's just a part of life, sometimes people fall in love with someone else, not all relationships last.

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#55

Not necessarily proud of how I found out, saw she got a text, looked over and it was from a dude. She answered it and blurted out something her “girlfriend” just told her. I ignored it even though I knew. Lust, thinking your in love and a complete lack of self confidence/worth made me just say ok and move on like nothing happened.

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#56

Love bombing. It felt really good at the time because I was vulnerable and craving to feel wanted and loved.

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#57

He was an only child and his mother babied him. Needless to say I replaced that mothering role for him pretty quickly. I was so naive.

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#58

They avoided deep conversations.

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#59

"Left Her Boyfriend To Be With Me": 50 Red Flags People Wouldn't Ignore In A Partner Again Hot and cold personality , I ignored it because I thought she was just going thru a rough time in her life.

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#60

Lack of any emotion through the years...gradually..and before you know it, it's all gone and you end up despising the person you once loved...because without emotion, no intimacy can happen...or compassion.

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#61

"Left Her Boyfriend To Be With Me": 50 Red Flags People Wouldn't Ignore In A Partner Again Jealousy.

If she’s accusing you of cheating on her and you’re not, there’s only two possible explanations:

1. She’s immature and isn’t ready to be in a committed relationship

2. She’s the one cheating and she’s projecting.

Both are valid reasons to end the relationship.

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#62

Being stonewalled (having my messages/calls ignored) when he didn’t want to talk through our issues, which resulted in him also gaslighting me.

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#63

Always had excuses.

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#64

Drinking the sour wine & changing personalities to align with TV characters. Started with Hawaiian shirts, ended in Nazis 😅.

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#65

HIs favourite band was Nickelback, and he didn't eat vegetables.

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