30 Times Cosmopolitan Had The Worst Dating And Sex Advice, So Bad They Ended Up On This Group
In theory, dating should be the simplest thing in the world. Just be yourself, and when you least expect it, the person of your dreams will come strolling into your life! But as we all know, we often make it much more complicated than necessary, thanks in part to some of the terrible advice magazines publish on the topic…
We’ve taken a trip to the [Stuff] Cosmo Says subreddit and gathered some of the most ridiculous dating and relationship advice the world has ever seen down below. If you’re looking for the love of your life, we’d advise steering clear from any of these tips. But if you’re looking for a laugh and to see some pics that might make you lose faith in humanity, scroll on, pandas!
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That’s Called Gay
Creates Buzz In The Bedroom
My boyfriend is allergic. That's not the kind of swelling I'm looking for.
Well Cosmo, Which One Is It??
If you’re in a happy, healthy and committed relationship, you might be shocked to find out that this kind of advice is actually being published by people who are getting paid. But, on the other hand, if you’ve ever been on a terrible date (which, let’s face it: we all have!), you might not be so surprised. Perhaps someone you met on Tinder and ended up having dinner with learned that it might be a good idea to start touching your feet under the table or ordering for you from one of these questionable publications.
However, lucky for those of us who are actually sane, we have the [Stuff] Cosmo Says subreddit to laugh at “all the worst from the world's most dangerous sex and relationship advice.” This community, which has been around for a decade now, is primarily focused on sharing questionable advice that’s been published in Cosmopolitan magazine, but they don’t discriminate. “We will welcome bad advice from anywhere,” the mods write in the group’s About Community.
An Old Image Taken From A Women's Magazine. Not Satire
Hypocrite 101
Halo Brows
[Stuff] Cosmo Says has amassed an impressive 104k members through sharing the world’s worst sex and relationship advice, and unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it), there seems to be no shortage of awful advice being shared. If you’re not familiar with Cosmopolitan, you likely won’t be very impressed by the magazine’s content from this list. But surprisingly, the publication wasn’t always pumping out advice on how to suck a man’s toes or how to avoid ever paying on dates.
According to Cosmopolitan's website, the magazine “debuted in 1886 as a ‘family journal’ and then became known as a literary magazine for the first half of the 20th century.” Once editor Helen Gurley Brown took over the brand, however, the magazine was transformed into “what you know and love today” (Cosmo’s words, not mine): “a destination for real talk about all the things that matter to you, from pop culture and sex to politics and your career.”
Cosmo Has Amazing Flirting Advice
Spoiler: It Did Not Work And Don't Do This
So...people Really Get Paid To Write This S**t
Cosmopolitan describes themselves as “the biggest young women’s media brand in the world,” so clearly they have a lot of influence on the internet. However, the magazine is notorious for sharing “unhinged” sex and relationship tips and advice that would likely make most readers raise their eyebrows. According to WJEC in the UK, Cosmo’s demographic is primarily women between the ages of 18-34, with the average reader being a 31-year-old woman with a household income of around £50,000. 45% of readers are single, and readers spend, on average, 75 minutes perusing the magazine.
Reader Poll About Women's Preferences In The Size Of A Male Partner's Faeces
Guess I’m Gay Then
At least they have a question mark rather than an exclamation point at the end.
I Cant
For over a decade now, Cosmopolitan has received criticism for sharing not only comically bad advice, but also advice that might actually be harmful to readers. Kate Power wrote a piece for WHYY in 2013 breaking down how unhealthy the obsession with flattening women’s bellies and burning off those “guilty pleasure treats” is. Power notes that publications such as Cosmo and Women’s Health stigmatize eating, encourage eating disorders and fatphobia and are far from promoting body positivity, all under the guise of promoting health. Thankfully, Cosmo doesn’t seem to share such harmful advice in their Health and Fitness section today, but the impact of those articles they pumped out in the early 2000s and 2010s does not disappear overnight.
With Tips Like These, We Can All Be "Hot Girls" In No Time
8 Reasons Why Cheating Isn't Actually That Bad
Written by someone with no moral compass. If you want to have an open relationship, find a partner that is ok with that.
Who Knew Hummus Could Be So Sexy? (Courtesy Of Buzzfeed)
Now, Cosmo may be the magazine mentioned in the title of this online group, as they’re the most successful and the most famous for sharing this kind of advice, but they’re certainly not the only ones guilty of sharing questionable and downright terrible advice. Julia Belluz wrote a piece for Vox in 2015 detailing why women’s magazines are “bad for our health,” and not much has changed since then. When it comes to the health and lifestyle advice in these magazines, Belluz notes that many of it comes from celebrities, who are in no way experts on the topics, and often boast miracle diets and unhealthy restriction that aren’t sustainable in any way.
When You Need To Macgyver Some Mints, Cosmo's Got You Covered
I Don't Know, That Sounds A Bit Too Harrowing For Me
Yeah, This Makes Way More Sense Than Just Picking The One You Like More
Two hot guys who are also "roommates"? Congratulations, it's just a gay couple experimenting with their sêxlife
It’s no secret that many of these women’s magazines also prey on their readers' insecurities, pressuring them to buy expensive products they don’t actually need and attempt to look like celebrities who wouldn’t even look like themselves without plenty of plastic surgery and photoshop. “Not only are these celebrities genetic anomalies, but they also dedicate their lives to beautifying their faces and bodies; their careers hinge on this,” Belluz explains, noting why we shouldn't compare ourselves to them. “The rest of us have other things to worry about in our lives, and trying to look like Kim or Angelina is a frustrating exercise in futility.”
No Thank You
Jeffrey Epstein As Cosmo's Bachelor Of The Month
Cosmo Today vs. 4 Years Ago
The picture is the same one they used in the other "objectify" article. That guy's probably going to find it hard to get more photo work pretty soon, unless its to go with articles like "8 signs your boyfriend is a serial killer"
According to GoodTherapy, just three minutes flipping through a fashion magazine can make women feel guilty, ashamed and depressed. They also report that, regardless of a woman’s size, we are all equally negatively impacted by viewing images of extremely thin models in fashion magazines. So why do we continue to buy into ridiculous advice from toxic magazines? Even if we know it’s harmful and doesn’t teach us any actual, beneficial knowledge, readers can’t help but pick up the latest edition of Vogue or Cosmo when checking out at the grocery store.
Which Is The Best One? Hard To Pick
Well This Isn't Creepy
So...make the guy think he's being kidnapped from a dead sleep...
Actually, once you fall into a rut, doing thing DIFFERENT is actually pretty fun. My girlfriend once bought a blond wig, put it on, adopted a dumb blond personality and pretended to be someone else. Cheesy as it was, it was actually pretty exciting. Of course, trust is a prerequisite for pulling off something like their weird suggesting, but the point is to use your imagination and change things up! Take turns playing dom and sub!
Way To Go, Reddit. You Made It A "Thing"
If you’re actually searching for advice for dating and relationships, it’s recommended to consult an expert. There are plenty of dating experts, couples counselors and therapists who can help you much more than a silly Cosmo article that was likely written just for fun. Don’t feel ashamed if you can’t contort your body in the ridiculous ways Cosmo recommends, and please refrain from comparing yourself to any of the celebrities who promote questionable diets and swear that their faces are “all natural.” Feel free to read these magazines if they are your cup of tea, pandas! But if they ever make you feel bad about yourself or lead you astray, don’t hesitate to swap them out for an actual book! (Or, you know, Bored Panda...)
Haha What
I don't think I would date seahorse, but whatever floats your boat..
14 Things The Average Woman Thinks While Giving A Blowjob (From Cosmopolitan.com)
Courtesy Of Twitter🤡
If you’re in a relationship, we hope this list has made you count your blessings, pandas. And if you’re currently single, well, don’t feel so bad about not finding “the one” yet. You definitely don’t want to settle for anyone who takes this advice seriously! We hope you’re enjoying these hilarious pics, pandas; keep upvoting the ones you can’t believe weren’t published satirically. Then, if you’re interested in checking out another Bored Panda article discussing awful relationship advice, we recommend checking out this list next!
Oh So You Think He's Cheating? Good Lets Steal His Stuff, 'Lose' His Car, Crush His Balls And Ruin His Professional Image Xd Lolololol
I Don't Think Cosmo Gets Humour Or What A Flirty Text Is
I Can Finally Decode My Man
Alright, we're putting together a team of BP people to go to war on Cosmo. Who's with me? /j
I'm in, I have a bucket of cold water and some soap
Load More Replies...I love how women's magazines are all like "you're gorgeous just as you are" only to "the 10 body changing techniques you need to try" a few pages later.
Followed by "The 10 best cheesecakes to bake this season"
Load More Replies...What in the hell did I just read?? Jesus Christ. How does Cosmo even stay in business??
It's deranged. So glad I never bothered with it, I'd be even more fuqqed up lmao
Load More Replies...Grew up with 3 older sisters and a single mom. Constantly hearing how men are pigs, while magazines like Teen Beat, Tiger Beat, and Cosmo were lying around. The toxicity of these types of magazines is both breathtaking, and highly damaging to kids of all genders as they are developing. There is no difference between them and the most toxic MMA/Maxim type magazine targeted at men
Wow... BP is so inconsistent with the censoring
Load More Replies...Clearly, the creators of Cosmo get very high and then write the articles.
By the end I was seriously thinking they had developed an AI to write their articles years ago and just kept it to themselves.
Load More Replies...I know this is not the right place to ask but...who the fűCC reads those magazines....and why?! This has been a mistery my whole life...
Great way to traumatise someone. I could barely read one fourth of the article and I gagged about ten times in that.
I feel like a need to down a bottle of bleach after reading this. The majority of this disgusting advice reads like it was written by AI trained on bad porn written by Chuck Tingle.
I feel like my brain is trying to escape my skull to get away from this drivel.
Latest cosmo article 'drinking bleach will save mankind: how you can help"
I knew someone who used to work for Cosmo. She told me that whenever an article states the magazine "consulted experts" but they aren't named, then they've actually done no such thing. It's just a bunch of writers sat at a table throwing ideas around.
I didn't even make it halfway through before my face hurt too much from cringing and I had to stop.
I somehow have Cosmo delivered every month (I seriously don't know how or why but no money is being withdrawn so I guess it's fine). They're definitely a lot more subdued than before. Honestly, I miss the chaos they used to be; a hot mess of articles that felt like they were written by middle schoolers. Nowadays their articles are pretty deadpan and they're 3/4 ads now.
I can't believe that people actually get paid to write such stuff - I absolutely have the wrong job
I once (many moons ago) talked with an USAmerican colleague of mine (F) about various stuff and upon my mention of the title, she stated it was a pornographic magazine - many of entries in this post just confirm it; plus - it's a bigoted one
Alright, we're putting together a team of BP people to go to war on Cosmo. Who's with me? /j
I'm in, I have a bucket of cold water and some soap
Load More Replies...I love how women's magazines are all like "you're gorgeous just as you are" only to "the 10 body changing techniques you need to try" a few pages later.
Followed by "The 10 best cheesecakes to bake this season"
Load More Replies...What in the hell did I just read?? Jesus Christ. How does Cosmo even stay in business??
It's deranged. So glad I never bothered with it, I'd be even more fuqqed up lmao
Load More Replies...Grew up with 3 older sisters and a single mom. Constantly hearing how men are pigs, while magazines like Teen Beat, Tiger Beat, and Cosmo were lying around. The toxicity of these types of magazines is both breathtaking, and highly damaging to kids of all genders as they are developing. There is no difference between them and the most toxic MMA/Maxim type magazine targeted at men
Wow... BP is so inconsistent with the censoring
Load More Replies...Clearly, the creators of Cosmo get very high and then write the articles.
By the end I was seriously thinking they had developed an AI to write their articles years ago and just kept it to themselves.
Load More Replies...I know this is not the right place to ask but...who the fűCC reads those magazines....and why?! This has been a mistery my whole life...
Great way to traumatise someone. I could barely read one fourth of the article and I gagged about ten times in that.
I feel like a need to down a bottle of bleach after reading this. The majority of this disgusting advice reads like it was written by AI trained on bad porn written by Chuck Tingle.
I feel like my brain is trying to escape my skull to get away from this drivel.
Latest cosmo article 'drinking bleach will save mankind: how you can help"
I knew someone who used to work for Cosmo. She told me that whenever an article states the magazine "consulted experts" but they aren't named, then they've actually done no such thing. It's just a bunch of writers sat at a table throwing ideas around.
I didn't even make it halfway through before my face hurt too much from cringing and I had to stop.
I somehow have Cosmo delivered every month (I seriously don't know how or why but no money is being withdrawn so I guess it's fine). They're definitely a lot more subdued than before. Honestly, I miss the chaos they used to be; a hot mess of articles that felt like they were written by middle schoolers. Nowadays their articles are pretty deadpan and they're 3/4 ads now.
I can't believe that people actually get paid to write such stuff - I absolutely have the wrong job
I once (many moons ago) talked with an USAmerican colleague of mine (F) about various stuff and upon my mention of the title, she stated it was a pornographic magazine - many of entries in this post just confirm it; plus - it's a bigoted one