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I can’t imagine the pressure that parents feel when naming their children. Finding a name that has a positive connotation, that both parents love and that, ideally, won’t leave their child being one of 10 Sarahs in their kindergarten class can feel like an impossible task.

But when in doubt, go for something classic. If you find yourself resorting to the name of your favorite Transformer or Pokémon, you might be better suited for having a pet, not a child.

Redditors have recently been sharing the worst names they’ve ever heard for children, so we’ve gathered some of the most atrocious ones below. Please don’t take any inspiration from this list when naming your own kids, pandas, and be sure to upvote the names that you hope aren’t actually on birth certificates!

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#1

“Wish I Was Kidding”: 50 Hilariously Unfortunate Names That Were Actually Given To Babies 3 sisters named Precious, Pleasure, and Desirees Cox. I’m not even kidding I wish I was….

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Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het
Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het
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7 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Did their parents want the daughters to work in the adult entertainment industry?

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#2

“Wish I Was Kidding”: 50 Hilariously Unfortunate Names That Were Actually Given To Babies Labia.

No. I am not joking. Pronounced La'-beeuh. Poor sod.

GarethOfQuirm , Pixabay Report

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flower petals
flower petals
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7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That’s a lifetime of mockery coming for that poor person.. If we have driving licenses before we’re allowed to drive, people should be tested before they’re allowed to breed 😂

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#3

I work at a school... We have a Khaleesi, a Goku, a M'King, Carr'money and a Sir. Parents these days are absolutely as insane as you think.

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T'Mar of Vulcan
T'Mar of Vulcan
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7 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So do I... But at least here the 'odd' seeming names are due to parents using names that either remind them of something or it's something they want for their kids. Precious, Passion, Fidelity, Happy, etc. Taught three siblings whose names were Regomoditswe Isis (she went by Isis), Mosa Osiris (went by Mosa) and Phumza Cleopatra (went by Phumza). Their mother was obsessed with Egypt, obviously. Taught a girl named Jihad. Asked if I could call her Crusade. Her father wasn't amused, since 'jihad' actually means 'struggle'. I currently have a girl in my class named Amazing. Yes, people call her every synonym for it under the sun. She answers to them all.

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To learn more about how this conversation started in the first place, we reached out to Reddit user Inky-Skies, who posed the question, "What's the worst name you've known to actually be given to a child?"

She was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda and share that the thread was inspired by a conversation she had with her boyfriend about silly names. "He just moved from the US to Germany to live with me, and I explained how the law can intervene here if parents try to give their kids very outrageous or insulting/illegal names," the OP explained.

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"We read a list of silly names online, and I was curious to see if people on Reddit knew someone who gave such names to their kids IRL," she continued. "I certainly didn't expect the post to blow up the way it did!"
#4

“Wish I Was Kidding”: 50 Hilariously Unfortunate Names That Were Actually Given To Babies I worked with somebody whose first and middle names were Tequila Sunrise

She said her mom named her that because that's how she was conceived.

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#5

“Wish I Was Kidding”: 50 Hilariously Unfortunate Names That Were Actually Given To Babies Went to school with a kid who had a full beard, was 6ft4 and wide as a fridge. His name?

Angel Darling.

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#6

“Wish I Was Kidding”: 50 Hilariously Unfortunate Names That Were Actually Given To Babies My mom was a 1st grade schoolteacher in a very rural southern area. She once had a kid named Orgasm.

I…had no words.

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Because outrageous names are banned in Germany, the OP says she doesn't personally know anyone who's named their child something that could end up on this list. "But sometimes people will have unusual or weirdly spelled names - my own name, Riccarda, might fall into that category," she shared.

"And of course, certain names are stigmatized but legal; the female name Chantal (unfortunately my middle name, from before it became stigmatized) or the male name Kevin are examples of that here," Inky-Skies added.
#7

Went to school with a girl named Shtanya. She once said something really horrible to me so I told me mom who said "Who told you this? What? You're gonna get s**t talked by someone named 'S**t on you'? Tell her to get bent."

Next time she mouthed off I let the one fly. She never recovered.

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#8

“Wish I Was Kidding”: 50 Hilariously Unfortunate Names That Were Actually Given To Babies Siblings: Brodeo Rodeo and Justa Cowgirl.

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#9

“Wish I Was Kidding”: 50 Hilariously Unfortunate Names That Were Actually Given To Babies Former mailman here. The name that takes the cake is Marijuana Whiskey.

Immediate_Revenue_90: 

There is a college professor named Marijuana Pepsi

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We also asked Inky-Skies what she believes are the most important factors parents should consider when choosing names for their kids. "To choose a name that won't provoke bullying or otherwise negatively affect the child's life," she told Bored Panda.

"I think a lot of parents want the name to be funny or unique when choosing such a name, or consider it witty - but they forget that they're naming a person, not a character or pet," the OP says. "That person will one day grow up and apply for jobs with their name, have their own social circle and personality. It's unfair to burden someone with a name that will ridicule them or turn them into a social outcast. That should go above the parents' need to express themselves."
#10

I read about a child whose mother named her Treblinka.

When asked why, the mother said "Because it's so pretty!" She didn't care about the history of that name at all.

(For those NITK, it's the name of one of the Nazi death camps during WWII.).

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#11

“Wish I Was Kidding”: 50 Hilariously Unfortunate Names That Were Actually Given To Babies Per freakonomics there was a family in which the dad named kid number 7 "winner". Kid number 8 was named "loser".


Loser is a successful lawyer as of my last read, pronounces it lou-sier.

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#12

“Wish I Was Kidding”: 50 Hilariously Unfortunate Names That Were Actually Given To Babies A girl in juvie court - I’m guessing at the spelling, so I’m writing it as it was pronounced- Loukeemia. I kid you not. I nearly died.

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KDS
KDS
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7 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So were her parents saying she’s a cancer on them the day she was born or something?

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As far as what Inky-Skies thought of the responses to her post, she says, "I did read through most of them, although after the first thousand or so, it was hard to keep track of them all!"

"One of the funniest I saw was 'Mnop,' pronounced Noël - because 'no L,'" she shared. "Another parent apparently named their child 'Naruto Uzumaki Namikaze' - the full name of the anime character - as a first name. A few more: 'Sexybeth,' 'Placenta' ('because it sounds like a flower'), 'Goldfish,' and 'WiFi.'"

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#13

“Wish I Was Kidding”: 50 Hilariously Unfortunate Names That Were Actually Given To Babies Ta'Lighta. Her last name was Kandle. I don't know what her mother was thinking.

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Cecilia Herrera
Cecilia Herrera
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7 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

" I don't know what her mother was thinking." That her daughter would someday be the light in the darkness.

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#14

“Wish I Was Kidding”: 50 Hilariously Unfortunate Names That Were Actually Given To Babies I knew a family that named their daughters Today, Tomara, and Ta'yestaday. Wish I was kidding.

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#15

My best friend grew up with a guy whose legal name was *actually* "Lunchbox." LUNCHBOX!!!! And his younger brother's name was "Thermos".

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Just-A-Black-Cat-Lover
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7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hey, Lunchbox, don't forgot to bring Thermos along with you; don't forget him again!

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Finally, the OP added that she's "very happy that really insulting names aren't allowed in [her] country, because in the end, it's the child's dignity that's at stake."

"Parents shouldn't be given free reign if their goal is to dehumanize their children," she says.
#16

I did security clearance back ground checks in the Army and ran across a soldier who's name was Captain Richard Gaylord. He went by D**k or Cap, but preferred D**k.

** I am editing to make it clear that his parents named him Captain Richard. He was a Sgt in the army.

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#17

“Wish I Was Kidding”: 50 Hilariously Unfortunate Names That Were Actually Given To Babies My mom worked in a nicu. Someone named their daughter Chlamydia… because it’s sounds pretty… the social worker talked them into changing it thankfully

There was also: Jellyanus (pronounced helli-ah-nas), More Money, Super Royal, Love Godess, Pajama (paj-ahma), Gary’en and Gary’on, Shaniya & Shanijah, Rowdy, Sir, Heavensentmyblessin’.

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Cat Dragon
Cat Dragon
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7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've seen a Cash Money (or maybe it was spelled "monay") and I remembered a post waay back when on BP about bad brides/bridesmaids/wedding in general and in one of them the bride would say for richer or richer instead of richer or poorer. We found her kid guys

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#18

“Wish I Was Kidding”: 50 Hilariously Unfortunate Names That Were Actually Given To Babies Placenta, I guess they heard it in the hospital and liked the sound.

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Katie Lutesinger
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7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Reminds me of that one episode of Kath and Kim. "I heard some good names at the hospital, like what about Kardio Enfarktion?" "God no, then you'd get 'Farked' for short!"

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#19

I briefly worked with a lady who's given name was Bunny. She worked for the Army Corps of Engineers and was terrifyingly stern - no smiling, no jokes, no funny business. Most inaptly named person I have ever met, unless her parents were into Watership Down or something.

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Elladine DesIsles
Elladine DesIsles
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7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When I was growing up, there were two teachers at my school who were sisters. One was Bunny, and the other was Kitty.

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#20

LaDynasty = I remember many substitute teachers mispronouncing it Lady Nasty.

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#21

“Wish I Was Kidding”: 50 Hilariously Unfortunate Names That Were Actually Given To Babies I have a neighbor called Batman. I think it's dope but I couldn't call my child that.

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glowworm2
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7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

His nemesis is the guy who lives across the street. His name is Joe Kerr.

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#22

“Wish I Was Kidding”: 50 Hilariously Unfortunate Names That Were Actually Given To Babies When I was working at a restaurant, a guy gave me a credit card to pay and I wouldn’t have believed it had I not seen it. His name: Alpha Gay.

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#23

Pubert.
That's it.
Pubert Smith.

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#24

I booked in a woman who’s name was Clitoris.

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#25

“Wish I Was Kidding”: 50 Hilariously Unfortunate Names That Were Actually Given To Babies Banjoman. He went by Bo.

It was pronounced "Banjamen". So I assumed his parents were too redneck and uneducated to know how "Benjamin" was spelled.

NickFurious82 , Carlos Santiago Report

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Lavern Defazio
Lavern Defazio
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7 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well if they were rednecks then banjomen sounds bout right.

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#26

This isn’t the worst name, it’s actually very common. But I went to high school with a girl named Casey Diaz. I didn’t make the connection until my friend just chuckled and said, ‘quesadillas, hahaha’.

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The Original Bruno
The Original Bruno
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7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I like this one. A little cheesy, a little spicy, but mild enough to not be cruel.

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#27

“Wish I Was Kidding”: 50 Hilariously Unfortunate Names That Were Actually Given To Babies I had a colleague whose brother named their baby son Dude. She was distraught and pretty disgusted 😬.

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#28

My son played soccer with a kid named Anaconda.

We had a customer at work who was a male named Sarah, and another customer (whose family was not American) named Mahboob.

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#29

“Wish I Was Kidding”: 50 Hilariously Unfortunate Names That Were Actually Given To Babies Heard about an airline being sued because the attendants were making fun of a child passenger's name which is, I s**t you not, Abcde. Like of course your child is going to be bullied for a fuck*ss name like that.

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Judes
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7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It bothers me that OP seems to think making fun of the kid is somehow justified. And by adults.

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#30

“Wish I Was Kidding”: 50 Hilariously Unfortunate Names That Were Actually Given To Babies I once met a kid named "WiFi." Yep, you heard that right. I guess their parents wanted them to be constantly connected...to their name!

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Just-A-Black-Cat-Lover
Just-A-Black-Cat-Lover
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7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Imagine this in school: 'Hey, the WiFi's out!' WiFi: Huh? me? 'Yeah, now!' *punch*

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#31

“Wish I Was Kidding”: 50 Hilariously Unfortunate Names That Were Actually Given To Babies I worked with someone who met a kid named Meconium (yes, as in baby's first poop).

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#32

“Wish I Was Kidding”: 50 Hilariously Unfortunate Names That Were Actually Given To Babies My dad's assistant named her daughter Slanina which essentially means "pig fat" in Romanian. She even pronounced it the same way as the word is pronounced in Romanian: sluh-ni-nuh.

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Rachel Pelz
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7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That is cruel. At least not recognisable for non-Romanian speaking people.

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#33

When I was a teenager I worked with a guy named Jack Hoff. As a teacher I had students in the same class named Rusty Buzzoff and Carmen Butts. I also had a student who’s 15 year old sister had a baby girl and named her Pebbles Champagne.

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Haleprincess
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7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There should be a test people have to pass in order to be given the powers of procreation. Some of these are their own special brand of stupid. Those poor kids.

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#34

“Wish I Was Kidding”: 50 Hilariously Unfortunate Names That Were Actually Given To Babies Arsonlove

They called them Arson for short.

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#35

I don't work in the porn/stripper industry but I've had a customer named Misty Butts and another named Krystal Power.

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LakotaWolf (she/her)
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7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Parents, if you want to name your kid Crystal, PLEASE spell it normally. XD

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#36

I once met a kid named "Cyanide." I guess their parents were aiming for something unique, but they probably didn't realize it's also a deadly poison. Talk about starting life with a bang!

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#37

“Wish I Was Kidding”: 50 Hilariously Unfortunate Names That Were Actually Given To Babies Delicious.... and it was a guy... you will find many funny 'english' names in our part of the world... many many.

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#38

“Wish I Was Kidding”: 50 Hilariously Unfortunate Names That Were Actually Given To Babies I went to school with a girl named Princess. She was exactly what you'd expect from someone with that name.

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#39

I went to school with a Richard Lycker. The jokes were endless.

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#40

I knew a boy called Rambo he was 8 when the first movie came out. They changed his name within 6 months.

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#41

V*gina. Pronounced VAJ-ah-na. The mother saw the word in print and thought it was nice.

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The Original Bruno
The Original Bruno
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7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The more formal name of a secret agent whose last name was "Galore."

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#42

“Wish I Was Kidding”: 50 Hilariously Unfortunate Names That Were Actually Given To Babies My mom knew a Harry Pitts in high school. I also work at a college and saw a student with the first name “Violence.”.

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Katie Lutesinger
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7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If I got stuck with a name like that I'd be choosing violence on a daily basis.

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#43

“Wish I Was Kidding”: 50 Hilariously Unfortunate Names That Were Actually Given To Babies Colon. Not Collin. It may not be weird name to some people, but all I can think of is the large intestine when I hear that name.

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BatPhace
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7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Which came first, the punctuation mark or the medical term....

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#44

Girl I know from college named her kid “Moatley” because she likes the idea of castle moats and the protection they provide. She’s now pregnant again, can’t wait to see what awful name the next kid is saddled with.

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#45

“Wish I Was Kidding”: 50 Hilariously Unfortunate Names That Were Actually Given To Babies I did a form in work today. The person's first name was Amazing-Grace.

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#46

I am a retired teacher and I really know or knew these people and families and so, I cannot make my own comments, but you feel free!
1) Nosmoking (first thing Mom saw when she woke up)
2) Female (3 syllables, rhymes with tamale) (that’s what doctor wrote on her bracelet)
3) Asia
4) Barling (as in darling, just wanted something different)
5) Starfish
6) Rainbow
7) Sir, Mister
8) Knowing God
9) Prince, Princess, Queen, King, Duke
10) Bestie
11) Bictha

These are just the ones that come to mind quickly. There are many more creative ones. My stomach hurts now though.

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Carl Roberts
Carl Roberts
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7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some of these aren't all that uncommon, such as Duke, Prince, and even Asia.

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#47

“Wish I Was Kidding”: 50 Hilariously Unfortunate Names That Were Actually Given To Babies I once knew a kid named "Fiasco." Yep, sounds like setting high expectations right from birth!

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James016
James016
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7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This picture though! It does show a forthcoming fiasco.

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#48

“Wish I Was Kidding”: 50 Hilariously Unfortunate Names That Were Actually Given To Babies This girl I knew, her legal name was Female. Her mother couldn’t pick a name and it was left as female. Once it was too late to change, it was all hell. Everyone called her Jackie cause that’s what she wanted but legally, her name is Female. We would always fun of her and pronounce it like the word Tamale. fem-all-ee. She hated it😭.

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The Original Bruno
The Original Bruno
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7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I knew a Mel when I was in first grade. I was a huge nerd. He told the class he was going to have a sister and his parents said he could suggest names. I suggested Femel. I thought it was funny. No-one else did. Did I mention I was a huge nerd?

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#49

There was a girl from my brothers school called Closure.

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#50

I had a kid in one of my classes named Forth. I don't get it.

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#51

Truly Scrumptious. Yes, like in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

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#52

A girl at my elementary school was named Delight Sprinkle (Sprinkle was the last name).

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Debby Keir
Debby Keir
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7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

First birth I ever assisted at was a girl - father an electrician and she was called Scarlett Sparks.

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#53

Spider. Also Taylour (pronounced Tay-LORE).

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#54

Worked at a school for a year and met a 7-year-old old whose first name was Alpacino. .

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#55

I have a 4th great-grandfather whose first name was Pringle… he was born in the 18th century, so I guess it’s not too uncommon for that time, but damn 😆.

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JoNo
JoNo
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7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And I'm guessing Pringles weren't a well-known snack item back then.

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#56

Harlot.

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#57

Platano..if you’re Spanish/Carribean you’ll especially understand why naming your child that is setting them up to fail..

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#58

Girl I new once upon a time who's first name was Candy. Last name was Bar (with two r's).

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#59

My cousin named his son William Robert - so Billy Bob.

I also knew of twins growing up named Major and Royal, not the worst ever I guess but their last name is Payne.

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Vampiresscrow
Vampiresscrow
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7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think the parents have a wicked sense of humour for the Payne siblings.

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#60

I know a girl that named her baby Lucifer 🥴🥴.

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#61

Met a kid named Jayarr. I asked if it meant something. Nope. One parent wanted a kid with initials, the other wanted a kid with a "real" name so they compromised. Worst compromise ever.

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#62

I used to be a teacher; one of my students was named Alecsys (pronounced Alexis). She hated her name, so she went by Lex.

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LakotaWolf (she/her)
LakotaWolf (she/her)
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7 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I really loathe when parents think they’re oh-so-clever by naming their kid something relatively normal (like Alexis) but spell it insanely. Most kids will NOT appreciate the “cleverness”. My name is Crystal, spelled normally, but unless I spell it out for people when I tell them my name, they’ll spell it crazily. (Chrystal, Cristal, Krystal, etc. - the craziest I saw someone spell it was “Khrystle”.) I blame parents who want to be clever XD (I was named after a chandelier, for those wondering. No joke. I was adopted at birth and my parents didn’t have a name prepped, so they called my grandma for suggestions. Grandma looked up at the chandelier hanging from her ceiling and said, “How about Crystal?”)

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#63

Philistine. Assuming that the parents were religious, the philistines were *villains* in the bible. wtf.

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#64

“Wish I Was Kidding”: 50 Hilariously Unfortunate Names That Were Actually Given To Babies In kindergarten, a classmate was named Jackov.
He was quickly given a nickname of Jake.

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The Original Bruno
The Original Bruno
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7 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yakov? Jakov? Fairly common in Slavic nations. Yakov Smirnoff was an occasionally brilliant comic in the 1980s. His humor was based on discovering the wonders of America having come from Soviet Russia ("Milk Powder, chocolate powder, BABY POWDER??? What a country!") or cultural misunderstandings ("I had my girlfriend over for dinner. She likes pretty, girly things, so I got some feminine napkins.") They work much better with a thick, Russian accent

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#65

Stihl
…Yes like the chain saw.

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Rachel Pelz
Rachel Pelz
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7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wonder how they pronounce that? In German, it's pronounced like the English word "steel".

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#66

My cousin's last name begins with 'K'. He named his daughter "Kitty Kay".

Envision her initials. Also, envision her as a *grandmother with a name like "Kitty".

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LakotaWolf (she/her)
LakotaWolf (she/her)
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7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Kitty isn’t so bad, IMO - it’s a normal (if outdated) nickname for Katherine/Caitlin. Though I guess if it’s the person’s legal name and not just a nickname… :/

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#67

I went to school with a Bacardi and her sister was called breezer 🙃.

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#68

My coworker dated a gal from the Bronx named "Bermuda Schwartz".

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UncleJohn3000
UncleJohn3000
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7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There was a kid in grade school named Bermuda Trahengel but he vanished without a trace.

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#69

Knowledge Zion
They called him KZ. I say it was a lost opportunity to call him Know for short.

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#70

My BIL swears he went to school with Justin, the son of Mr & Mrs Case.

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#71

Toss up between Khaleesi and Scotlan. Not Scotland, just Scotlan.

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#72

Two siblings named Indica and Sativa. Very clever indeed.

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#73

Riot….that should look good on the CV….

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RiotGrrrl
RiotGrrrl
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7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hol' up! I've been going by Riot for years! Tbh, i kinda wish it was my legal name. However, I adore my actual name. :)

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#74

Purity lol.

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#75

In high school, I was friends with this nice kid in my English class. His name was Aryan. And he was black.

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Elladine DesIsles
Elladine DesIsles
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7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Was he Black, though, or dark-skinned? Because Aryan is an established name in India.

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#76

An Arabic name is called "della,دلّة" which means a coffee maker in Saudi arabic.
Also, an Arabic name is called "azab,عذاب" which basically means -torture-.

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#77

Baron.

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#78

I know of 2 different couples, who don't know each other at all, who both have named a child Sunshine in the past few years. First it was a daughter, and next it was a son.

Sunshine.... both also go by 'Sunny'.

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mysterious(all pronouns)
mysterious(all pronouns)
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7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've got a great-uncle, and a cousin named Sunny(different sides of the family), so it's not that weird of a name.

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#79

Sympathy.

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#80

I always liked Jason Lee but, Pilot Inspector, is an objectively horrid name for a kid, a pet, f**k i wouldnt name one of my fish that. Like he will never even be in movies unless he changes it. Such a f*****g douchbag move for douchebag dad. For relevance, I have two first names and two last names....that alone caused enough grief for me. I cannot even imagine for him. Also every f*****g human will know who you are just by the name like who would do that to a f*****g baby. Narcissistic as f**k. 

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