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I can’t imagine the pressure that parents feel when naming their children. Finding a name that has a positive connotation, that both parents love and that, ideally, won’t leave their child being one of 10 Sarahs in their kindergarten class can feel like an impossible task.

But when in doubt, go for something classic. If you find yourself resorting to the name of your favorite Transformer or Pokémon, you might be better suited for having a pet, not a child.

Redditors have recently been sharing the worst names they’ve ever heard for children, so we’ve gathered some of the most atrocious ones below. Please don’t take any inspiration from this list when naming your own kids, pandas, and be sure to upvote the names that you hope aren’t actually on birth certificates!

#1

“Wish I Was Kidding”: 50 Hilariously Unfortunate Names That Were Actually Given To Babies 3 sisters named Precious, Pleasure, and Desirees Cox. I’m not even kidding I wish I was….

Ok_Ice8840 , Priscilla Du Preez Report

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Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het
Community Member
6 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Did their parents want the daughters to work in the adult entertainment industry?

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#2

“Wish I Was Kidding”: 50 Hilariously Unfortunate Names That Were Actually Given To Babies Labia.

No. I am not joking. Pronounced La'-beeuh. Poor sod.

GarethOfQuirm , Pixabay Report

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flower petals
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That’s a lifetime of mockery coming for that poor person.. If we have driving licenses before we’re allowed to drive, people should be tested before they’re allowed to breed 😂

The Doom Song
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Stupid people don't know what contraception is.... unfortunately for poor Labia.

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Paul C.
Community Member
6 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When my mum went into a care home one of the doctors was called An#l. It was a sad time , mum not being well, but us being a bit sad found it bloody hilarious.

Hugh Cookson
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not an uncommon name on the Indian sub Continent. In fact your first name has some pretty bloody hilarious results if you do a back search in several languages.

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Susan Teter
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That must have been a hard labor if the mother had to punish the kiddo like that.

C. S.
Community Member
6 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

IT desktop support years ago in a hospital, went to neonatal on a call. As they do, they chat you up while you're working. Learned about a new mother who wanted to name her daughter Vagina, as in Va-Gee-Nah or Regina. Hospital staff convinced mom to choose another name, for the sake of the child.

weatherwitch
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Whatever the gender that's still a truly terrible name 😮😮😮

MezzoPiano
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There's a stylist at the place I get my hair cut named Candida. She goes by Dida. I feel sad for her every time I go in and see her license on the wall.

PSimms
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Where would government allow that name for a child? I'm skeptical.

Lotekguy
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's so awful I don't feel like making any of the available puns. The girl is going to get a lot of flak for something beyond her control.

Susan Teter
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks stupid people for guaranteeing your kid a minimum wage job for life

Seanette Blaylock
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Assuming their mental health survives all the school years of peer cruelty well enough they're employable at all.

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Seanette Blaylock
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In the US, 18 is adult age, so is mostly likely the earliest age to do such things. I'm sure some of these poor kids RAN to the appropriate office ASAP on their 18th birthday.

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Pollymere
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There is a common Asian name written that way but pronounced differently.

Rudo
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Stick an "h" in it. LAHBIA. Once I said it out loud, it still sounds the same.

Belle Miles
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well... Ummm would LaLa or Elle spelled L be OK? Oh My. Oh My.

Glasofruix
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Somebody told me once about a friend they had whose name was "Cyprine", her dad was a gynecologist...

Apachebathmat
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Went to school with a lad called Fartham pronounced f-tam, poor guy

Jayjay
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Please, go to a country where you can easily change your name, such as Germany. This is really a very poor choice for a girl's name! Whatever you would try to make of it, such as Labby wouldn't sound right!

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#3

I work at a school... We have a Khaleesi, a Goku, a M'King, Carr'money and a Sir. Parents these days are absolutely as insane as you think.

SomeJerkAtWerk Report

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T'Mar of Vulcan
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6 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So do I... But at least here the 'odd' seeming names are due to parents using names that either remind them of something or it's something they want for their kids. Precious, Passion, Fidelity, Happy, etc. Taught three siblings whose names were Regomoditswe Isis (she went by Isis), Mosa Osiris (went by Mosa) and Phumza Cleopatra (went by Phumza). Their mother was obsessed with Egypt, obviously. Taught a girl named Jihad. Asked if I could call her Crusade. Her father wasn't amused, since 'jihad' actually means 'struggle'. I currently have a girl in my class named Amazing. Yes, people call her every synonym for it under the sun. She answers to them all.

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To learn more about how this conversation started in the first place, we reached out to Reddit user Inky-Skies, who posed the question, "What's the worst name you've known to actually be given to a child?"

She was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda and share that the thread was inspired by a conversation she had with her boyfriend about silly names. "He just moved from the US to Germany to live with me, and I explained how the law can intervene here if parents try to give their kids very outrageous or insulting/illegal names," the OP explained.

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"We read a list of silly names online, and I was curious to see if people on Reddit knew someone who gave such names to their kids IRL," she continued. "I certainly didn't expect the post to blow up the way it did!"

#4

“Wish I Was Kidding”: 50 Hilariously Unfortunate Names That Were Actually Given To Babies I worked with somebody whose first and middle names were Tequila Sunrise

She said her mom named her that because that's how she was conceived.

asselfoley , Timur Weber Report

#5

“Wish I Was Kidding”: 50 Hilariously Unfortunate Names That Were Actually Given To Babies Went to school with a kid who had a full beard, was 6ft4 and wide as a fridge. His name?

Angel Darling.

chestofdrawers02 , Beard Kid Report

#6

“Wish I Was Kidding”: 50 Hilariously Unfortunate Names That Were Actually Given To Babies My mom was a 1st grade schoolteacher in a very rural southern area. She once had a kid named Orgasm.

I…had no words.

vectaur , Alexander Dummer Report

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Because outrageous names are banned in Germany, the OP says she doesn't personally know anyone who's named their child something that could end up on this list. "But sometimes people will have unusual or weirdly spelled names - my own name, Riccarda, might fall into that category," she shared.

"And of course, certain names are stigmatized but legal; the female name Chantal (unfortunately my middle name, from before it became stigmatized) or the male name Kevin are examples of that here," Inky-Skies added.

#7

Went to school with a girl named Shtanya. She once said something really horrible to me so I told me mom who said "Who told you this? What? You're gonna get s**t talked by someone named 'S**t on you'? Tell her to get bent."

Next time she mouthed off I let the one fly. She never recovered.

TransitTycoonDeznutz Report

#8

“Wish I Was Kidding”: 50 Hilariously Unfortunate Names That Were Actually Given To Babies Siblings: Brodeo Rodeo and Justa Cowgirl.

Afraid-String , Ted McDonnell Report

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#9

“Wish I Was Kidding”: 50 Hilariously Unfortunate Names That Were Actually Given To Babies Former mailman here. The name that takes the cake is Marijuana Whiskey.

Immediate_Revenue_90: 

There is a college professor named Marijuana Pepsi

RnbwSprklBtch , Terricks Noah Report

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We also asked Inky-Skies what she believes are the most important factors parents should consider when choosing names for their kids. "To choose a name that won't provoke bullying or otherwise negatively affect the child's life," she told Bored Panda.

"I think a lot of parents want the name to be funny or unique when choosing such a name, or consider it witty - but they forget that they're naming a person, not a character or pet," the OP says. "That person will one day grow up and apply for jobs with their name, have their own social circle and personality. It's unfair to burden someone with a name that will ridicule them or turn them into a social outcast. That should go above the parents' need to express themselves."

#10

I read about a child whose mother named her Treblinka.

When asked why, the mother said "Because it's so pretty!" She didn't care about the history of that name at all.

(For those NITK, it's the name of one of the Nazi death camps during WWII.).

DrBlankslate Report

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#11

“Wish I Was Kidding”: 50 Hilariously Unfortunate Names That Were Actually Given To Babies Per freakonomics there was a family in which the dad named kid number 7 "winner". Kid number 8 was named "loser".


Loser is a successful lawyer as of my last read, pronounces it lou-sier.

BlackWindBears , Hannah Nelson Report

#12

“Wish I Was Kidding”: 50 Hilariously Unfortunate Names That Were Actually Given To Babies A girl in juvie court - I’m guessing at the spelling, so I’m writing it as it was pronounced- Loukeemia. I kid you not. I nearly died.

Readsumthing , RDNE Stock project Report

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KDS
Community Member
6 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So were her parents saying she’s a cancer on them the day she was born or something?

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As far as what Inky-Skies thought of the responses to her post, she says, "I did read through most of them, although after the first thousand or so, it was hard to keep track of them all!"

"One of the funniest I saw was 'Mnop,' pronounced Noël - because 'no L,'" she shared. "Another parent apparently named their child 'Naruto Uzumaki Namikaze' - the full name of the anime character - as a first name. A few more: 'Sexybeth,' 'Placenta' ('because it sounds like a flower'), 'Goldfish,' and 'WiFi.'"

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#13

“Wish I Was Kidding”: 50 Hilariously Unfortunate Names That Were Actually Given To Babies Ta'Lighta. Her last name was Kandle. I don't know what her mother was thinking.

zoeheriot , Vlada Karpovich Report

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Cecilia Herrera
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6 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

" I don't know what her mother was thinking." That her daughter would someday be the light in the darkness.

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#14

“Wish I Was Kidding”: 50 Hilariously Unfortunate Names That Were Actually Given To Babies I knew a family that named their daughters Today, Tomara, and Ta'yestaday. Wish I was kidding.

Hexagonsnsuch , Xeniya Kovaleva Report

#15

My best friend grew up with a guy whose legal name was *actually* "Lunchbox." LUNCHBOX!!!! And his younger brother's name was "Thermos".

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Just-A-Black-Cat-Lover
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hey, Lunchbox, don't forgot to bring Thermos along with you; don't forget him again!

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Finally, the OP added that she's "very happy that really insulting names aren't allowed in [her] country, because in the end, it's the child's dignity that's at stake."

"Parents shouldn't be given free reign if their goal is to dehumanize their children," she says.

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#16

I did security clearance back ground checks in the Army and ran across a soldier who's name was Captain Richard Gaylord. He went by D**k or Cap, but preferred D**k.

** I am editing to make it clear that his parents named him Captain Richard. He was a Sgt in the army.

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#17

“Wish I Was Kidding”: 50 Hilariously Unfortunate Names That Were Actually Given To Babies My mom worked in a nicu. Someone named their daughter Chlamydia… because it’s sounds pretty… the social worker talked them into changing it thankfully

There was also: Jellyanus (pronounced helli-ah-nas), More Money, Super Royal, Love Godess, Pajama (paj-ahma), Gary’en and Gary’on, Shaniya & Shanijah, Rowdy, Sir, Heavensentmyblessin’.

violetsunlight7 , Liza Summer Report

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Cat Dragon
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've seen a Cash Money (or maybe it was spelled "monay") and I remembered a post waay back when on BP about bad brides/bridesmaids/wedding in general and in one of them the bride would say for richer or richer instead of richer or poorer. We found her kid guys

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#18

“Wish I Was Kidding”: 50 Hilariously Unfortunate Names That Were Actually Given To Babies Placenta, I guess they heard it in the hospital and liked the sound.

qdude1 , Matilda Wormwood Report

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Katie Lutesinger
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Reminds me of that one episode of Kath and Kim. "I heard some good names at the hospital, like what about Kardio Enfarktion?" "God no, then you'd get 'Farked' for short!"

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#19

I briefly worked with a lady who's given name was Bunny. She worked for the Army Corps of Engineers and was terrifyingly stern - no smiling, no jokes, no funny business. Most inaptly named person I have ever met, unless her parents were into Watership Down or something.

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Elladine DesIsles
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When I was growing up, there were two teachers at my school who were sisters. One was Bunny, and the other was Kitty.

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#20

LaDynasty = I remember many substitute teachers mispronouncing it Lady Nasty.

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#21

“Wish I Was Kidding”: 50 Hilariously Unfortunate Names That Were Actually Given To Babies I have a neighbor called Batman. I think it's dope but I couldn't call my child that.

presucestii , Ozgur Camurlu Report

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glowworm2
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

His nemesis is the guy who lives across the street. His name is Joe Kerr.

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#22

“Wish I Was Kidding”: 50 Hilariously Unfortunate Names That Were Actually Given To Babies When I was working at a restaurant, a guy gave me a credit card to pay and I wouldn’t have believed it had I not seen it. His name: Alpha Gay.

znikki , Pavel Danilyuk Report

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#23

Pubert.
That's it.
Pubert Smith.

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#24

I booked in a woman who’s name was Clitoris.

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#25

“Wish I Was Kidding”: 50 Hilariously Unfortunate Names That Were Actually Given To Babies Banjoman. He went by Bo.

It was pronounced "Banjamen". So I assumed his parents were too redneck and uneducated to know how "Benjamin" was spelled.

NickFurious82 , Carlos Santiago Report

#26

This isn’t the worst name, it’s actually very common. But I went to high school with a girl named Casey Diaz. I didn’t make the connection until my friend just chuckled and said, ‘quesadillas, hahaha’.

Vegetable_Burrito Report

#27

“Wish I Was Kidding”: 50 Hilariously Unfortunate Names That Were Actually Given To Babies I had a colleague whose brother named their baby son Dude. She was distraught and pretty disgusted 😬.

creamandblack , William Fortunato Report

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#28

My son played soccer with a kid named Anaconda.

We had a customer at work who was a male named Sarah, and another customer (whose family was not American) named Mahboob.

AliQuots Report

#29

“Wish I Was Kidding”: 50 Hilariously Unfortunate Names That Were Actually Given To Babies Heard about an airline being sued because the attendants were making fun of a child passenger's name which is, I s**t you not, Abcde. Like of course your child is going to be bullied for a fuck*ss name like that.

IdentifiesAsUrMom , Monstera Production Report

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Judes
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It bothers me that OP seems to think making fun of the kid is somehow justified. And by adults.

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#30

“Wish I Was Kidding”: 50 Hilariously Unfortunate Names That Were Actually Given To Babies I once met a kid named "WiFi." Yep, you heard that right. I guess their parents wanted them to be constantly connected...to their name!

ItchyWay207 , Misha Feshchak Report

#31

“Wish I Was Kidding”: 50 Hilariously Unfortunate Names That Were Actually Given To Babies I worked with someone who met a kid named Meconium (yes, as in baby's first poop).

autumn-ember-7 , Carlos Santiago Report

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#32

“Wish I Was Kidding”: 50 Hilariously Unfortunate Names That Were Actually Given To Babies My dad's assistant named her daughter Slanina which essentially means "pig fat" in Romanian. She even pronounced it the same way as the word is pronounced in Romanian: sluh-ni-nuh.

fulthrottlejazzhands , Ketut Subiyanto Report

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Rachel Pelz
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That is cruel. At least not recognisable for non-Romanian speaking people.

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#33

When I was a teenager I worked with a guy named Jack Hoff. As a teacher I had students in the same class named Rusty Buzzoff and Carmen Butts. I also had a student who’s 15 year old sister had a baby girl and named her Pebbles Champagne.

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Haleprincess
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There should be a test people have to pass in order to be given the powers of procreation. Some of these are their own special brand of stupid. Those poor kids.

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#34

“Wish I Was Kidding”: 50 Hilariously Unfortunate Names That Were Actually Given To Babies Arsonlove

They called them Arson for short.

awesome_possum76 , Skitterphoto Report

#35

I don't work in the porn/stripper industry but I've had a customer named Misty Butts and another named Krystal Power.

Luder09 Report

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#36

I once met a kid named "Cyanide." I guess their parents were aiming for something unique, but they probably didn't realize it's also a deadly poison. Talk about starting life with a bang!

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#37

“Wish I Was Kidding”: 50 Hilariously Unfortunate Names That Were Actually Given To Babies Delicious.... and it was a guy... you will find many funny 'english' names in our part of the world... many many.

VarkYuPayMe , Ekaterina Belinskaya Report

#38

“Wish I Was Kidding”: 50 Hilariously Unfortunate Names That Were Actually Given To Babies I went to school with a girl named Princess. She was exactly what you'd expect from someone with that name.

OldOperaHouseMan , Tuhin Adhikary Report

#39

I went to school with a Richard Lycker. The jokes were endless.

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#40

I knew a boy called Rambo he was 8 when the first movie came out. They changed his name within 6 months.

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#41

V*gina. Pronounced VAJ-ah-na. The mother saw the word in print and thought it was nice.

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#42

“Wish I Was Kidding”: 50 Hilariously Unfortunate Names That Were Actually Given To Babies My mom knew a Harry Pitts in high school. I also work at a college and saw a student with the first name “Violence.”.

kargyres , mohammad hosein MOSAYEBI Report

#43

“Wish I Was Kidding”: 50 Hilariously Unfortunate Names That Were Actually Given To Babies Colon. Not Collin. It may not be weird name to some people, but all I can think of is the large intestine when I hear that name.

Capable-Ground8272 , Kindel Media Report

#44

Girl I know from college named her kid “Moatley” because she likes the idea of castle moats and the protection they provide. She’s now pregnant again, can’t wait to see what awful name the next kid is saddled with.

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#45

“Wish I Was Kidding”: 50 Hilariously Unfortunate Names That Were Actually Given To Babies I did a form in work today. The person's first name was Amazing-Grace.

T_raltixx , cottonbro studio Report

#46

I am a retired teacher and I really know or knew these people and families and so, I cannot make my own comments, but you feel free!
1) Nosmoking (first thing Mom saw when she woke up)
2) Female (3 syllables, rhymes with tamale) (that’s what doctor wrote on her bracelet)
3) Asia
4) Barling (as in darling, just wanted something different)
5) Starfish
6) Rainbow
7) Sir, Mister
8) Knowing God
9) Prince, Princess, Queen, King, Duke
10) Bestie
11) Bictha

These are just the ones that come to mind quickly. There are many more creative ones. My stomach hurts now though.

Dog-Addiction1105 Report

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Carl Roberts
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some of these aren't all that uncommon, such as Duke, Prince, and even Asia.

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#47

“Wish I Was Kidding”: 50 Hilariously Unfortunate Names That Were Actually Given To Babies I once knew a kid named "Fiasco." Yep, sounds like setting high expectations right from birth!

Character-Ad3534 , MART PRODUCTION Report

#48

“Wish I Was Kidding”: 50 Hilariously Unfortunate Names That Were Actually Given To Babies This girl I knew, her legal name was Female. Her mother couldn’t pick a name and it was left as female. Once it was too late to change, it was all hell. Everyone called her Jackie cause that’s what she wanted but legally, her name is Female. We would always fun of her and pronounce it like the word Tamale. fem-all-ee. She hated it😭.

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The Original Bruno
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I knew a Mel when I was in first grade. I was a huge nerd. He told the class he was going to have a sister and his parents said he could suggest names. I suggested Femel. I thought it was funny. No-one else did. Did I mention I was a huge nerd?

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#49

There was a girl from my brothers school called Closure.

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#50

I had a kid in one of my classes named Forth. I don't get it.

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