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Sweaty, shivering, and disoriented, you jump out of your bed, having just dreamt that it is Monday, you’re late to work, and you are missing a conference meeting. Your pants are nowhere to be seen, your hair is one huge cowlick, and your cat desecrated your favorite shoes. What’s worse, you just came to the sense that all of this is really happening, and you, in fact, are late for work, and it is, in fact, a Monday. Waking up to such an ordeal is no one’s dream for sure, but we’ve all been there in our dragging years of being working adults. Except for the lucky few, the workplace isn’t usually a fun place to be, and dreams about it are exactly like this, and the only thing that could make it better are, without a doubt, work jokes. However, thinking of it, reading jokes during your work hours might not be the best idea sometimes, but hey, we all need that sweet, sweet comedic relief in our day! So, here we are, presenting to you our collection of only the best work jokes that we could find.
These silly jokes, besides already being inherently funny and relatable, will also shed light on such things as horrible bosses, the real meaning of the word workstation, and our favorite topic - all the things corporate. So, you should expect to feel seen by these jokes while getting your portion of the giggles. Not that bad, right? And while these workplace jokes might not make your daily routine bearable, they will definitely amuse you, and that’s almost as good!
See if your boss isn’t around right now, and scroll straight to our list of funny work jokes. Once you are there, give the best ones your vote, and either read them out loud to your colleagues or share the whole article with them!
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#1
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.
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#2
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
LagoonaBlueColleen 2 years ago
Tbh, I feel pressured in choosing a career. I don't really want a career. I want experiences and freedom to create. I thought I'd get that in a job. Nope.
#3
Progress is made by lazy people looking for an easier way to do things.
#4
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a workstation…
#5
I got a job at a paperless office. Everything was great until I needed to use the bathroom.
#6
Archaeologist: someone whose career lies in ruins.
#9
I’m great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
#10
People tend to make rules for others and exceptions for themselves.
#11
I pretend to work as long as they pretend to pay me.
#12
The goal of every engineer is to retire without getting blamed for a major catastrophe.
#13
I asked the corporate wellness officer, “Can you teach me yoga?” He said, “How flexible are you?” I said, “I can’t make Tuesdays.”
#14
If it wasn’t for the last minute, nothing would get done.
#15
I get plenty of exercises – jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck, and dodging deadlines.
#17
A committee is twelve men doing the work of one.
#18
When an employment application asks who is to be notified in case of emergency, I always write, “A very good doctor”.
#27
A conference call is the best way to get a dozen people to say bye 300 times.
#30
A guy goes in for a job interview and sits down with the boss.
The boss asks him, “What do you think is your worst quality?”
The man says “I’m probably too honest.”
The boss says, “That’s not a bad thing, I think being honest is a good quality.”
The man replies, “I don’t care about what you think!”
#31
My memory has gotten so bad it has actually caused me to lose my job. I’m still employed. I just can’t remember where.
#32
Some people say the glass is half full. Some people say the glass is half empty. Engineers say the glass is twice as big as necessary.
Scott Crowell 2 years ago
And politician form a committee to create a dept. dedicated to studying the glass and water.
#37
If at first, you don’t succeed, redefine success.
#44
If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you’ll have trouble putting on your pants.
#46
The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously.
#48
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
#51
My biggest professional ambition is to get a desk where no one can see my computer monitor but me.
#53
The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
#54
The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.
#56
I think they picked me for my motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work twice as hard when I’m around!
#63
What’s a resumé? Just a list of things I hope nobody ever asks me to do.
Scott Crowell 2 years ago
Something that has to be uploaded and then entered manually into the online application system.
#65
I think that if I died and went straight to hell it would take me at least a week to realize I wasn't at work anymore.
#66
What do you call a person who is happy on Monday? Retired.
#67
Anything that could possibly go wrong often does – as well as a thing or two that couldn’t possibly.
#68
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
#75
When in doubt, mumble.
#77
Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
#79
There are two kinds of people who don’t say much: those who are quiet and those who talk a lot.
#83
I love it when I leave work early to surprise my wife at home and she greets me with those three very special words: Were you fired?
#88
If every day is a gift, I’d like a receipt for Monday. I want to exchange it for another Friday.
#89
Things really haven’t gotten worse. We’ve just improved our inter-departmental communication skills.
#91
I couldn’t work today because of an eye problem. I just can’t see myself working today.
#92
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
#95
If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
#99
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.
#102
I gave up my seat to an elderly person on the bus. And that’s how I lost my job as a bus driver.
#103
Our computers went down at work today, so we had to do everything manually. It took me 20 minutes to shuffle the cards for Solitaire.
#107
Sorry, I'm late! Traffic is exactly how it's been every day for the past five years and I was not expecting that.
#108
My boss says I intimidate the other employees. So I just stared at him until he apologized.
#112
I can’t wait for retirement. I’ll barely walk and have money.
#113
Work hard and save your money and when you are old you will be able to buy the things only the young can enjoy.
Scott Crowell 2 years ago
I don't know about that. Those new life like um pleasure dolls are pretty enjoyable, so I heard.
#116
The reason we “nod off to sleep” is so it looks like we’re just emphatically agreeing with everything when we’re in a boring meeting.
#117
I always tell new hires, don’t think of me as your boss, think of me as a friend who can fire you.
#118
There is a new trend in our office; everyone is putting names on their food. I saw it today, while I was eating a sandwich named Kevin.
#119
My annual performance review says I lack “passion and intensity.” I guess management hasn’t seen me alone with a Big Mac.
#121
Feeling stressed out? Make a nice cup of hot tea and then spill it in the lap of whoever’s bugging you.
#123
Some people are like Slinkies… not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
#124
If you can stay calm while all around you is chaos, then you probably haven’t completely understood the situation.
#130
Why did she quit her job at the helium factory? She refused to be talked to in that voice.
#132
My teachers told me I’d never amount to much because I procrastinate so much. I told them, “Just you wait!”
#133
When I got to work this morning, my boss stormed up to me and said, “You missed work yesterday, didn’t you?” I said, “No, not particularly.”
#134
I heard you are going to fire the employee with the worst posture. I have a hunch. It might be me.
#137
The boss frowns on anyone yelling: “Hey Weirdo!” He says too many people look up from their work.
#139
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
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