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50 Times That People Spoke Words So Profound, They Literally Changed Lives
The old saying “The pen is mightier than the sword” is testament to the true power of words. While there are many ways to influence and inspire a person, few are more effective than a well chosen anecdote or piece of advice.
Reddit user AWWWshetz asked a question on the AskReddit Subreddit, and the responses collected are a list of occasions when words were so powerful, they literally changed lives. These nuggets of wisdom really strike a chord, and we are sure there are a few in there that will inspire you too! Scroll down below to check them out for yourself, and upvote your favorite ones! (Cover image: Pablo Manriquez I Facebook cover image: whatleydude)
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
I was 13 years old, trying to teach my 6 year old sister how to dive into a swimming pool from the side of the pool. It was taking quite a while as my sister was really nervous about it. We were at a big, public pool, and nearby there was a woman, about 75 years old, slowly swimming laps. Occasionally she would stop and watch us. Finally she swam over to us just when I was really putting the pressure on, trying to get my sister to try the dive, and my sister was shouting, "but I'm afraid!! I'm so afraid!!" The old woman looked at my sister, raised her fist defiantly in the air and said, "So be afraid! And then do it anyway!" That was 35 years ago and I have never forgotten it. It was a revelation -- it's not about being unafraid. It's about being afraid and doing it anyway.
Fiona Toms-Yarnton 7 years ago
Me too - my whole life is lived by this mantra.
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Mihran' Hovnanian 7 years ago
Your feelings are so important... listen to them, then do something about it :-)
Sharon Nate 4 years ago
So a friend of mine was actually having lots of health complications as a result of many different std's she got from 2 of her exe's. I was not an exception because I had herpes for more than two years too. We both were just going through Pinterest to get clothes one day when she came across a post about natural herbs stores ( https://naturalherbsremedystore.square.site with email dr.osojo@gmail.com and dr.osojoherbalcureofalldisease@gmail.com) After brief deliberation I concluded I should just try. so i ordered a herb from the online store where i got to speak to a specialist, she was very calm to me. they mailed the herb to me and i got it in only 3 days, the herbs were too many for me so i shared with my friend ( Lori ) and after 3 weeks all my genital herpes symptoms disappeared and when the test result came out negative i was shocked. Same for my friend too, now she is trying out herbs remedy for genital warts, hepatitis b and hpv from the same herbs store at the same time. make
Ross Harris 5 years ago
I can see her, raising her fist in defiance. The old lady inspired more people with those words than she every could ever know. Makes you appreciate wisdom, and makes you realize how far words of encouragement can actually go in the right circumstances.
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#2
"Don't be a d*ck to your dog. He's a few years of your life, but you are all of his"
Bored Birgit 7 years ago
Be thankful for every animal that shares its life with you and treat it well.
Monika Rhodes 7 years ago
Any animal, don't be a d**k to any of them. You got them, they rely on you!
BusLady 7 years ago
I have a 14 year old Chihuahua who I saw get born. I am the only "parent" she has ever known.
Miss MonMon 7 years ago
Awww... I had mine for 17 years. A clever, tough little chi. It was like losing a child.
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Molly Block 7 years ago
Here is one of his photos <3 10426551_1...cdb801.jpg 
Grumble O'Pug 7 years ago
I wish more people really understood this. Less dog shaming, less abusive training. More positive reinforcement. The voiceless are subject to the whims of the story teller.
Martina Třešková 7 years ago
Can't imagine this opening eyes to anyone. If you have to tell someone to not be horrible to a dog, because whatever, then there is no help. Decent person knows to treat them right.
#3
I met a person who was in a wheelchair. He related a story about how a person once asked if it was difficult to be confined to a wheelchair. He responded, "I'm not confined to my wheelchair - I am liberated by it. If it wasn't for my wheelchair, I would be bed-bound and never able to leave my room or house. " Amazing perspective.
River Smith 7 years ago
this isn't "glass half full" thinking. it's how he moves around! you walking isn't "positive thinking", it's just how you get around. he isn't making light of his situation because it isn't bad, and people shouldn't feel pity towards him because he doesn't move the same way they do
Merlyn Emrys 7 years ago
THANK YOU. I am no one's warm fuzzy inpsiration, I'm just trying to get by.
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BusLady 7 years ago
I was in a wheelchair 3 years ago, for about 2 months. It changes your perspective. I would not have been able to get around. Saying "confined to a wheelchair" is not PC today. A lot of people just say "in a chair." This man is permanently in a chair. It's a whole different ballgame and I admire this man's spirit.
Laugh Fan 7 years ago
That's very true. You may be a chair user but you aren't confined. I know a lot of disabled people so found this hard to comment on. It doesn't seem particularly deep when you know people for whom it is their everyday.
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Neurotic_Octopus 7 years ago
My mother uses a wheelchair, and in our family, "wheelchair-bound" is a blacklisted phrase. You are not bound to a chair, you are not confined to it, you are given a normal(ish) life by it.
Ally Henderson 7 years ago
This is such an ableist view of this comment. You’re “confined” by your legs because you can’t fly. How does that feel? Oh, they help you move anyway? What an inspiration you are, what a wonderful person(!)
Kathie Duncan 7 years ago
I am so often asked how I can deal with all the "bad luck" I have experienced with my bones. I have an unbelievable husband, a special and loving daughter married to an incredible man, a 35 year career I am proud of, a faith I am comfortable in, wonderful friends, and an accessible home. I am blessed.
Jens Möllenhoff 7 years ago
I am a wheelchair user & that truth is an absolute commonplace thing to me.
Rebecca Ackley 6 years ago
Similar circumstance: someone asked a double amputee how he stays so positive when he’s lost both his legs. He replied “how do you stay so negative with both of yours”. That stuck with me.
Natalie Cryderman 6 years ago
I think this speaks to the fact that we live in an ablelist society that thinks that having a disability or being sick means you must be must be miserable.
Patty Lloyd 7 years ago
VERY powerful comment from a person in a wheelchair! I am in a wheelchair and feel exactly the same as this man
#4
My mom was dying. A friend told me "you have your whole life to freak out about this-- don't do it in front of her. " It really helped me to understand that my feelings are not always what's important. It IS possible to delay a freakout, and that skill has served me innumerable times.
Leopoldo Pisanello 7 years ago
“- Some day, we will all die, Snoopy. - True, but on all the other days, we will not.” ― Charles M. Schulz
lunanoir69 7 years ago
What a beautiful quote from one of my favourite philosophers, Mr. Schultz. I miss him!!
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Liz Karsa 7 years ago
My mom is really ill at the moment and this really helped put the situation into perspective. Thanks, stranger.
diane a 7 years ago
I cared for my mom the last months of her life - with the help of my brother - we always went and cried in the next room - am proud that we enabled her to pass peacefully and relatively stress-free
Load More Replies... Mika N 7 years ago
It can be so hard to be strong for other people in such cases. That's when we need someone else we can go and freak out to a little later, and that's ok. Otherwise continually bottling it up overwhelms us. I think it's important they said "delay" a freakout, not hide it permanently.
Ruth oro 7 years ago
I read this post some time ago, my younger sister died last week 3 days before her 30th birthday she has 3 kids and my mom couldnt take the planning of the funeral so i had to step up and do everything we buried her yesterday 😢 ill always miss her this post helped me today i get to cry and grieve my sister i had to be strong for my mom and her kids so thank you for posting this!
Curious Cat 7 years ago
As mom asked "WTF,, Im dying and you dont even seem to care.. youre out of the Will missy."
Rosanna Zobrist 7 years ago
This is what I told myself during my cat's last day. I knew the vet would be here in the evening and I could to all the falling apart then, but while she was still here I needed to be calm, shower her with love and cherish every moment. She did not need to be confused by me crying all day long.
West Beecher 5 years ago
This one. I cared for my mom as she was passing and did everything I could for her, figuring I could deal with my needs later. There were people freaking in front of her (versus in the hall) out which distressed her, understandably. Now, I have a short list of who is allowed to see me if I'm ever in the hospital.
Bridgette Blumenthal 6 years ago
I was trying to be brave with my dying mom, so I smiled at her...she was furious... "Don't smile! It's so fake!" Months later I realized she was correct. I was trying too hard... wish I'd of just held her and wept. Never could lie to mom.
#5
When I was 38 I contemplated beginning a two year Associates Degree in Radiography. I was talking to a friend and had almost talked myself out of doing it. I said "I'm too old to start that. I'll be 40 when I get my degree." My friend said "If you don't do it, you'll still be 40, but without the degree." I'm nearly 60 now, and that degree has been the difference between making a decent living, and struggling to get by.
Fester Sixonesixonethree 7 years ago
I was 58 when I finished my BA, and 60 when I finished my Masters. It's NEVER too late!
Kevin Donegan 7 years ago
I have a similar story but for a different goal. I am retired now and used to work with homeless individuals. I would encourage them to get on the list for section 8 housing even though it would be years before they would get called for a section 8 voucher. 96% would say, "What good does it do now? I need a place to live today." I would say, "In four years when you're still struggling with housing, you may get a call for a permanent supportive housing spot. You have nothing to lose." The ability to "plan for the future" is a skill lost on many people.
AnnaB 7 years ago
In the 70's Ann Landers gave this advice to someone contemplating medical school at a late age. I remember it to this day.
snoozy womble 7 years ago
honestly the inspiration I need right now, considering doing something similar myself.
Neurotic_Octopus 7 years ago
I teach at a university with a lot of "non-traditional" students, and I have to say, I LOVE those students! You came here because you wanted to do it for yourself, and more often than not, these students bring loads more enthusiasm than the traditional ones who only came because their parents said "college or military".
Sherly Septiani 7 years ago
This is so me right now. I'm 30 and planning to take my master degree. And the "i'm too old" excuse come up too. Thank you for sharing this.
#6
When I was young and having what I thought was a serious relationship talk with my first real SO, I told her that I just wanted to find the right person. Without missing a beat she said, "Everybody is looking for the right person, and nobody is trying to be the right person." That stopped me in my tracks.
Laugh Fan 7 years ago
You can only be you - just try and be the best you and you will be someone's right person.
Zanthe 7 years ago
Always strive to be a better person than the one you were yesterday, and always be yourself. Agreed, Laugh Fan!
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rhyan lumilay 7 years ago
When my ex broke up with me she said she's not deserving for me, I told her "Then who deserves me if you won't try to be that person" she was shocked silent for a while cry and look away from me then I walked away after that without looking back at her.
S. 7 years ago
I have a different opinion : being a right person, it depends on perspective. Different people value different traits. Some like honesty, while others seek loyalty from the right person. While you can say that, due to this perspective, there's no such thing as a right person, but we can also say that one substance can remain in three different states, or in a better way, "One man's trash is another man's treasure."
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Ryan-Michele Eagleton 7 years ago
This one is amazing and actually really important. It's not about the partner you're trying to find, it's about the partner you're willing and able to BE.
Wyndmere 7 years ago
To be with the kind of person you want to be with, you have to be the kind of person that person will want to be with. Work on yourself, become who you're supposed to be, aspire to all you can be, and pray that your right match is doing the same so you can find each other.
Anna Thouvenin 7 years ago
I have been struggling with depression since I'm 10. I was always trying to find someone who would save me and never really dealt with my inner issues. My last relationship really put a strain on me and after it ended, I decided to give myself some time and engage into new things, work on my own improvement. I did that for an entire year, no dating or anything, and that was the best decision I had ever taken in almost 20 years. Never search in someone else what's missing in yourself.
Lalita Janke 7 years ago
Bravo Anna! Aspire to be the best person you can be and you will draw the right people to you. One of them will be in alignment with your values and together you'll will make the world a better place. I love your last line " Never search in someone else what's missing in yourself"'. Well said.
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Erin Scott 7 years ago
This is so true. Many complain about love and they are holding the key to change their outcome just by changing their perspective.
#7
A friend of the family's five year-old child died in a freak accident, where the father had just left the room for a minute to go to the bathroom, and the child climbed on top of the TV, and it toppled and crushed him. The family was in pieces, and the father undeservedly blamed himself for the death of his child. I remember telling my dad, a stoic man who has only said he loves me maybe three times in his life, that this is a reason that I don't know if I want children. I don't think I could handle something like this. His response was: Even one minute with you in my life is worth whatever pain I would feel if you had died. To hear that from him really showed me how strong that bond can be, even if a parent doesn't show it openly, and changed my mind about wanting children.
Mika N 7 years ago
I'm going to be thinking about this for a while. My anxiety tends to make me worry about the worst outcomes happening to people I love. I don't want to focus on that. I want to fill my moments with the happiness of having people that I love.
Cynthia Henley 7 years ago
My dad didn't tell me he loved me most of the 68 years of his life - until the end when he was dying from cancer. But he showed me in some manner every day. Love is far more than words.
Tzipporah Meijering 7 years ago
When I feel grief of my daughter passing I remind myself that I had 20 happy years being her parent. That eases pain, it was worth it just to love her.
#8
"Think of a time you were embarrassed, easy right? Now think of a time someone else was embarrassed. It's a lot harder to do isn't it?" I don't really worry about being embarrassed anymore if no one but I will remember it!
Kenny Kulbiski 7 years ago
Agreed! I wish I'd have read this a gazillion cringes ago.
Load More Replies... Dian Ella Lillie 7 years ago
This is very similar to some advice a friend once gave me. I used to be very self-conscious in public, and it was having a noticable effect on me. My friend pointed asked me if I remembered anything about the people I passed in the supermarket, or on the street - their age, their looks, their clothes - and pointed out that very few people actually take notice of who they pass. In other words, we're all effectively invisible except for the transient moment that we glance at someone or brush past them, and the encounters soon evaporate into the past. As does any judgement that might have accompanied... It made me realise how much I'd inflated the importance of what other people think about me, or even if they're really noticing me, and literally in an instant my perspective changed. I have no problem mixing it now, at all.
Hard 2 Guess 7 years ago
Why is this not on top? Thank you for sharing this awesome advice.
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Carol Blackburn 7 years ago
Yes, and also don't get angry at that person who cuts you off in traffic either because it won't be ruining their day, why let it ruin yours.
Erin Scott 7 years ago
wow! super hard to think of! This puts the mind at ease. It's a reminder to not worry about trivial things.
Nikki D 7 years ago
...I can remember most of the times anyone else was majorly embarassed. Hopefully I'm an anomaly!
Lisa Reuss 6 years ago
Except that now, with the proliferation of cell phones & social media, everybody gets to remember it forever.
#9
After getting rejected by a bunch of colleges in the same week, my dad (who is a writer) said "I was rejected by Stanford three times, and now my books are in their library. You've got to be better than them."
Erin Scott 7 years ago
Good thought food for me, being a original vocalist in a competitive community.
#10
As a child, my duty was to empty the dishwasher. I was something like 10, that day. I was always trying to do that fast, so I had more time to play SMB on my NES. Only my dad was home, gardening. I grabbed the coffee pot that was in the dishwasher and it slipped off my hand, to broke loudly in pieces on the floor. I was ashamed and afraid of my dad's reaction. Like a lot. He was (and still is) a nice guy, but for me it was like a big mistake, and for my child brain, this pot was worth a lot of money. He would be mad. It took all my courage to go see my dad and tell him, but I did. I was almost crying of shame, while still having the handle of the pot in my hand, as a proof. My dad, calmly looked at me, and said "Breaking something happens when you work, that's ok, don't worry". It's silly, but I think of that almost every day. It's okay to make mistake, at least you are trying to do something. Thanks dad!
Rainbow screen 7 years ago
“We don't make mistakes, just happy little accidents.” -Bob Ross. I just wanted to bring this up...
Charlotte 7 years ago
I worked as a cleaning lady to pay for my education. I was with this old lady once a week. She was the best, I loved her. She would always socialize and tell me about her kids and grandkids. On her coffee table were two small statues and the day she told me that she had gotten those as a gift from her granddaughter I knocked them off the sable while vacuum. I was SO embarrassed on the verge of crying. She told me the same thing you dad did. It has helped me so much throughout the years.
Martina Třešková 7 years ago
I used to beat myself up like crazy when I broke something that wasn't mine, something slipped out of my hands, something fell apart in my hands... but the deal is, things break. Most of the things didn't break because I did something wrong, they would fall apart anyway, sooner or later. They are not meant to last forever. And if they break while you were working, making something better, there is no shame in it. Of course, be more mindful when you handle something precious, but don't beat yourself up and don't let anyone else do that to you either. It's just things. Being a good person is worth so much more. P.S.: If I break things that are somebody's, I just come clean, appologize and offer a replacement or money. I don't beat myself u
Šimon Špaček 7 years ago
"He who does nothing, makes no mistakes. He who makes no mistakes will be promoted." This story shows exact opposite and I think that it is very important to live by this story.
Laugh Fan 7 years ago
That''s a lovely kind dad. Some would shout anyway - my dad did. My lovely husband always comes and apologises when he's broken a cup of mine or something but I'd never get cross about it. These are just things. If it's precious to me for some reason then only I handle it.
Ben Lipscomb 6 years ago
Do something, even if it's not quite right. It's easier to fix a few mistakes than to have to do the whole project.
#11
Next year, you'll wish you had started today.
Asia 7 years ago
I live by this, well... sometimes :) Two days ago I've realised, that I've reached a goal I've set up for myself last June, in the time of a hard breakup. This made me so happy I swear I could move mountains!
Moksha Ramith 6 years ago
1 sentence.... so much depth! This is my life... my dad always loved by Stephen covey's words... begin with the end in mind!
Mr. Re-in-act-ment 7 years ago
Exactly. This is a too much time situation. You have a assignment due in two days. The day you want to do something is the night before. Half of us choose to do it the night before. The other chooses wisely. But then those halves are changing in number so nearly everybody has done this once or in my case about every time i have homework
#12
I'm the oldest of three kids. I'm older than my little brother by 2.5 years and my little sister by 9.5. When I was about fourteen or so, arguing with my dad in private about something I don't remember, he, being the second-oldest of eight kids, told me: "Any decision you make in this household, you make three times. Once when you make it, once when your brother makes the same decision after watching you do it, and once when your sister makes the same decision after watching you and your brother do it. How you treat your brother will tell him how he can treat your sister; and how you treat your sister tells her how she will expect to be treated for the rest of her life, even as far as her future boyfriends." That kinda shook me up and made me rethink my role as the oldest child; I started taking my responsibilities as the role model a lot more seriously after that. Even when you aren't trying to actively influence those around you, those who look up to and respect you will still base their decisions, in part, on how they've seen you handle similar situations. If you break down and get stressed and angry when something inconvenient happens, they'll feel better doing the same when something similarly small happens to them. But if you keep your cool in a dire situation and under a lot of stress, it can inspire them to believe they can do the same.
Cerys Dunbar 7 years ago
this is so true im the youngest with three elder siblings i remember i was 5 and got asked who my role model was without thinking i said "my brothers" i still worship what they say and how they act to this day.
Janet Allison 7 years ago
In contrast most of my self esteem and self worth issues stem from how my older sister treated me. I love my sister and I know she loves me but the way she treated me growing up seriously damaged my psyche.
Load More Replies... vera💖🏐🐳😘 6 years ago
I'm also the oldest, and I feel that there's a lot to live up to. I like his advice, but I think that we all make mistakes sometimes, and when you're the oldest your mistakes get 100 times magnified because suddenly you become responsible for your actions and all your younger siblings' actions as well.
Adimu 7 years ago
The oldest of 4, my father told me something similar growing up. I hated always being blamed for their behavior because I should be "setting the example". My argument was "but you're the parent not me". Now as a mother I see both sides, I try not to put so much on my oldest but I can definitely see the influence he has on his siblings.
Marika Urbánková 6 years ago
Thanks for normal people like you. I hate when parents make a third parent out of the firstborn child. Its their responsibility to raise. And btw, I would speak more to younger ones and make sure they are at least aware of following somebody elses example. Thats much healthier then tooking a childhood away of the firstborn child.
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Emi S 7 years ago
It can also do the opposite. I have three older siblings and I looked at the struggles they went through from the mistakes they made and it made me determined to do better. I still have to do good as I am one of the oldest so I'm doing everything I can to set myself up as a better role model than the oldest 3 of my family.
Laugh Fan 7 years ago
I was third out of four. Yet my parents grouped the two older and two younger children into two separate units making me the eldest of mine. I was treated like the eldest without any of the perks of actually having two older siblings. I was expected to keep an eye on my younger sibling but have only just realised that my next eldest sibling wasn't expected to keep an eye on me. She was the baby of her group. I felt very much on my own. I feel like my parents abdicated a lot of responsibility on to their children yet from tales of their childhoods that didn't happen to them. I suppose I really struggle with the sentiment expressed in this post. It makes me angry and I can't quite put into words why.
Tarryn Louise 7 years ago
As the oldest sibling it sucked. Every time they did something stupid (even if I never did anything OR never done it before) I still got in trouble because I should know better as the oldest. WTF?
Crochet lady 7 years ago
One day my sons and I were taking a walk to the park. The oldest was 6 and the twins were 4 and we walked by a friend's house and a group of kids approached the eldest and asked if he wanted to play tag with them. He replied very quickly, almost without thought: "only if my brothers can play". I was so proud of him in that moment. That that was his first thought says a lot about him.
Carol Emory 7 years ago
To put this into perspective, my two older brothers and my mother drank like fish. Not surprising that at 16, you would often find me most weekends falling down drunk. After one particular night in which I was nearly caught walking drunk down the street by a cop, I thought "There's got to be more to life than this" and I stopped. Better to remember that you had an ok time out than not being able to remember anything at all and feeling like c**p.
#13
"How would it make you feel?" It's the sentence that changed my stance on gay marriage. Without context, that seems silly, but I'll offer up a shortened version. I grew up in suburban STL to conservative Christian parents (and they weren't remotely tolerant) and pretty much never left my comfort bubble. I moved to Kansas City when I was 20 to finish college. My roommate was good friends with a gay couple, and this was my first encounter with gay people (that I knew of, which was ignorant. There's no way it was my first). Inevitably, we got into a debate, and they basically went into a tirade about how much it sucks to constantly be berated and made fun of, and how it sucks to be treated unfairly because of something they can't control. I reverted to the classic "it's a choice!" line of thinking. They responded with "why would we f*cking choose this for ourselves? Why would we choose to constantly be made fun of, to constantly be judged, and constantly be denied rights? How would it make YOU feel?" It was pretty much that exact moment when I, who I consider to be a logical person, realized I was being an illogical asshole and that I was just regurgitating the sh*t I picked up from being raised in a conservative Christian household. From that moment on, I start undoing all of the programming in my mind from years of living in a sheltered environment. My views have since changed on nearly everything, from gay marriage to abortion to religion. One sentence from one conversation with two gay men changed me in a huge number of ways, and now I scoff at the idea that you can't change someone's mind about these things.
Dian Ella Lillie 7 years ago
This is a wonderful story of acquired understanding. If only it was much more common than it is - most people are happier to hold onto their biases than they are to let them go...
Carol Emory 7 years ago
It's actually more common than you think. I was raised by a mother who thought that everyone was a thief, everyone was out to get her and her way of dealing with conflict was to lash out and attack. Her mother treated her the same way. Then I met and married a man raised in a home where Dad beating up Mom in front of the kids was a common scene. His father came from a long line of wife beaters. His mom had the strength to leave him and rescue her sons. After spending less than a year with his mother, I knew what a positive outlook on life does for your future. My mother has never changed and has actually gotten worse over the years. I'm happy to say..I will not be repeating her cycle of abuse and mistrust.
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CultOfBambi 7 years ago
Sadly, I think that there are people who would never change their mind about this subject, no matter how compelling the counter-argument. It doesn't mean we should stop trying though! Eventually the small minded hate-mongerers will die out.
Don Flynn 7 years ago
My ex wife was like this until I asked her if one of her five sons was gay would she love him any less? her answer was no.
BusLady 7 years ago
@Don: My son asked me that when he came out. My response: No, Honey, and I already knew. His Dad had a harder time excepting it.
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Joseph Barnett 7 years ago
Do some straight people even listen to themselves with that, "it's a choice", nonsense? if being gay was a choice, then that would mean, EVERYONE had desires towards both the opposite sex, and the same sex, but chose, one or the other to be with! Ha, so tell me again, "When did you 'choose' to be straight?
Tarryn Louise 7 years ago
Yep, this was the same for me when I started a Social Work degree. I came face to face with so many mind slapping realities that I felt like I had been asleep for my whole life... I was raised with a terrible attitude about race, religion, sexuality... But it is different now that I got a damn clue.
Jane Alexander 7 years ago
It was never a choice for me. I've been hetero since early childhood. So how could I think it's a choice for anyone else? For those who think it's a choice, maybe for you it is, in which case maybe you're denying yourself something?
Kiss Army 7 years ago
My nephew is gay and went through HELL before coming out because he was afraid of what the family's reaction would be. He even considred suicide - so glad he didn't! The family is fine with with and absolutely accepting. I was very proud to watch him get married to his wonderful husband last year in a ceremony conducted by my husband (who became an ordained minister to perform a marriage for a family member and continues to perform ceremonies for family and friends who do not want a traditional "religious" ceremony but don't want to have to settle for going to the courthouse).
Darlene Martin 6 years ago
I had a similar experience when, having been raised in a home where this was never even mentioned. I got a job in the office of a University Fine Arts department. A young woman found me attractive and made a pass at me. I freaked and responded badly. Later, she came back to the office and said she had not wanted to upset me but had a question for me. She asked if I had ever had a man make a pass at me. I said that of course I had. To which she asked what I did if I was not interested. I told her I just said "No thank you". She looked me in the eye and said, "Well, try that, next time". Suddenly, the light went on and I learned something profound that day! People are people, are people, are people! This experience served me well in many contexts, especially in my career as a Special Ed teacher!
Ruth Beaty 7 years ago
Don't judge someone until you walk a mile in their shoes, as the saying goes.
Lisa Chambers 7 years ago
I fear you only got some of the Christian values from your parents. Full on Christians know all that and love them anyway.
Amy Force 7 years ago
THANK YOU Lisa!! that's what I was going to say! It pains me to think, someone will read this and think: "Well, they THOUGHT that way because they were raised to *Believe* that in a CHRISTIAN household!" When in reality, if they are TRULY following in Christ's footsteps, even though they may not AGREE with something they see or hear (whatever), they understand that CHRIST would have still *LOVED* them-- no matter what. And that's what many christians FORGET, and like to JUDGE instead - and THAT is what non-believers SEE, day in and day out... and it hurts our faith. I wish they could UNDERSTAND this. It's NOT *our* place to JUDGE... it's our place to LOVE and understand. GOD will judge, NOT US.
Load More Replies... #14
My mom was in a nursing home, recovering from a heart attack (a battle she eventually lost). She had struggled with depression in her life, and this was hitting her very hard. She had worked in nursing homes, and hated them. I spent hours a day with her, and some days were better than others. I pushed her a lot, encouraging a positive outlook, and patience. Patience with herself, her situation, the staff, everything. I started taking in some headphones, thinking maybe music would cheer her up. So one afternoon I'm sitting next to her bed, and she's listening to my iPhone, and tears just start running down her face. I pulled the headphones off her and started asking her what was wrong. Asking her not to cry. She looked at me and smiled like a mother looking at her son, and simply asked me "what if that's what I need right now? To cry?" Then she pulled the headphones back on. Through all the pain and chaos of the last few years, that really stuck with me. What if sometimes, you don't need to focus on the positive. You don't need to smile, and bear it. Sometimes you just need to cry.
BusLady 7 years ago
Crying releases hormones that suppress the stress hormone cortisol. So crying is a good thing.
Laugh Fan 7 years ago
Yup, makes you feel better. Though the horror in the mirror afterwards... Yikes!!
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Naima Ivansdóttir 7 years ago
sometimes you desperately need to embrace and accept your pain. make some room for it and just go with the flow. mandatory for your mental health. :)
Michelle Dodson 7 years ago
Absolutely! We need to allow ourselves to feel - even if it's unpleasant.
Kathleen Hansford 7 years ago
Sometimes you need people to just accept that you feel terrible and that you're not able to just 'be positive'. Sometimes crying, yelling, throwing (non-breakable) things can all help more than shutting that pain away behind a smile.
Tiny Dancer 7 years ago
Indeedy, that's been my unwritten mantra for years! In my 50s now, I have a 30-year-old autistic son and a husband battling throat cancer (in remission, yeah, but still suffering radiation and chemo side effects). Every day is an acting feat of putting on a happy face and doing my best to keep everyone else up and positive. Once every month or so, when I have the place to myself and no outside commitments, I just lie down in bed and let it all flow. All the anger, all the frustrations, all the hurt just pours down my face. A good ugly cry, you know? I think we can all use a good ugly cry now and then. It cleanses the soul's palate. Ooo, that's good, someone write that down ;-)
Crochet lady 7 years ago
I live in daily pain and as a result suffer from depression which is pretty natural. There are days when I can just tell I need a good cry and it's almost like hitting a reset button. It can be a great stress reliever.
Tyler Cook 7 years ago
Reminds me of the scene from Inside Out https://youtu.be/QT6FdhKriB8?t=30s
Django Stewart 7 years ago
THIS NEEDS TO BE ON TOP!!! This is one of those inspirational sayings that goes against the cheezy ones. You can't always look on the bright side, and you can't always be happy, and you have to cry, to rage to explode. This is a lesson I've been teaching myself recently, after a friendship got toxic due to me bottling things up.
#15
I recently got married earlier this year, and obviously our marriage is far from perfect. We argue, and disagree, and sometimes can't stand to be around each other. I grew up in a very hostile environment and having an arguement with a family member was awful. Personal attacks were always used, instant anger, and no mutual understanding was ever to be had. It was always about who was right and how to make them feel bad. When I got married, I quickly noticed that my fighting habits were toxic for our relationship, and my husband said something to me that I use in every relationship I have. He told me, "It's not You Vs Me, love. It's You and Me Vs Problem. We are always a team." It's helped me overcome some serious rifts in my personal relationships and I will never forget it.
Jason Apolinario 7 years ago
Not if you have a wife who only listens to herself. How would you handle that?
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BusLady 7 years ago
When you grow up in that kind of environment, your future relationships can go one of two ways: 1) You handle conflicts based on what you experienced and witnessed growing up or 2) Totally withdrawing from conflict at any cost, becoming a doormat. It's so hard to find a middle ground. Couples or Family Counseling can really help.
Tyler Cook 7 years ago
My wife and I went to premarital counseling at our church and they provided us with a 10 steps to resolving conflict and 10 rules for discussion that I keep in my wallet: Resolve Conflict: 1. Set a time to meet. 2. Set a neutral place to meet. 3. Begin in prayer 4. Define the issue to be resolved. 5. Each share your position. 6. Each point out what you have done to contribute to the problem. 7. Each point out how you can help resolve the issue. 8. Agree on a resolution acceptable to both. 9. Write down the resolution. 10. End in prayer. Rules for Discussion: 1.Speak in a quiet voice. 2. Do not interrupt. 3. Do not attack. 4. Use "I" not "you" statements. 5. Do not bring up the past. 6. Do not blame. 7. State your feelings, not your spouse's. 8. Do not use profanity. 9. Do not threaten your relationship. 10. Do not criticize.
Luisa Vasconcelos 7 years ago
Difficult to follow and do it but very wise.
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Josie Coffman 6 years ago
Oh my gosh, what a dear man, and how much he loves you. Way to grow! I hope you continue to grow together, much love to you both!!
#16
Everyone you meet knows something you don't." My grandfather told me this, and it's been a good reminder that I am surrounded by teachers.
Joshua Smith 6 years ago
This is so true! I once met a guy that didn’t seem too bright. But, ask him about logging and he could tell you everything there is to know about logging.
Joe Palffy 7 years ago
he forgot to add: "everyone you meet, also knows something incorrectly"
Susan Thomasson 7 years ago
my mother told me this as well, along with that is why everyone deserves your respect
Melody Lanzatella 7 years ago
One of the most important things you can be in life is a good listener!
#17
This is a bit lengthy, but changed my life. Not just the way I think. When I was young my father abandoned me twice as a child. I grew up to be a very angry and depressed young man. I truly hated him for it. In high school, I had this amazing teacher. He helped me, and so many others, in so many ways. But one day he asked me something. He asked "You hate him right?" I said yeah. He said "And he deserves it right?" And, again, I said yes. Then he then he said "Do you think he feels any of your hatred for him?" I thought for a few seconds and answered "No. He probably doesn't." And then he said "But you feel all of it. And you don't deserve that. It's time to forgive the man. Not because he deserves it. But because you do.". He was completely right. I forgave my father, and over time have built up an incredibly close relationship with the man. And I could neve have gotten to this point without my teacher.
Mika N 7 years ago
In this case his forgiveness led to a renewed relationship, but forgiveness doesn't always need to equal that outcome. You can forgive (including a choice to let go of negative feelings or any desire for revenge or proving yourself to them) but still acknowledge it if they're toxic and not allow them back into your life. Forgiveness shouldn't always mean reconciliation. To me it essentially means giving up your claim on them which says they must make it right. That usually won't happen so you'll just be waiting in bitterness.
Kolleen Hill 2 years ago
Forgiveness doesn't excuse their behavior. Forgiveness prevents their behavior from destroying your heart.
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GlynisLailann 7 years ago
Forgive yes, but forget? .....not so much. It is possible to forgive, move on and not hold a grudge but also remember at the same time.
BusLady 7 years ago
I forgave my dad years ago, for the childhood abuse. But I distanced myself from him emotionally and physically. And I seldom let him around my children. My sisters kept up a relationship with him, and he exploited them and abused their children. When he died, my Mom and sisters grieved, but I didn't. Forgiving him helped me deal with the pain I felt inside. It was not for him, but for me.
Linda Brown 7 years ago
I'm so glad you met that teacher. It took probably about 1,000 lb weight off your shoulders as well.
Lindsey Judd-Bruder 7 years ago
But that's exactly what forgiveness IS. It doesn't mean you're okay with what someone did. It simply means that you're not going to let what they did, hurt you anymore. It means that you no longer bear them any ill will for what they did. Forgiveness is for YOU, not THEM. As my mother always taught me, "Hate destroys the hater."
Christina Sersif 7 years ago
There's a lesson in the lion king that's like this. The past hurts (he hits Simba in the head), but you can't change it so you can only let it keep haunting you or let it go. Forgiveness is never for them, it's for you.
Cami Ereth 7 years ago
I wish there were a word that expressed 'forgiveness' as a 'feeling', and 'forgiveness' as an action-word/verb. I have a harder time 'feeling' forgiveness, but I understand that holding onto my anger and resentment/hurt all harm me more than the person they are directed towards.
Carol Emory 7 years ago
My mother made me angry for many years. She beat us as kids, tried controlling us as adults and was always angry and bitter towards everyone. One day, when I had a particularly bad day at work, I came home and was barking at my husband and son. My husband blurts out "You're becoming more and more like your mother each day." It stopped me in my tracks. My job was one of those high stress environments where everyone is yelling and confrontational. I realized I was dragging that home everyday. I cried and told my husband I didn't know how to stop. He said "first thing you're going to do is quit your job. The second thing is draw the line in the sand with your mother and tell her your life does not belong to her. If she wants to be part of it, she has to play by your rules." Since that day, I've changed quite a bit..my mother has not changed at all. And as a result, I've spoken to her once in the past 3 years and I'm much happier for it.
#18
"You know you're an adult when you can be right without proving the other person wrong."
Tor Rolf Strøm 7 years ago
Well.. Or you are actually wrong, and that's why you can't prove the other one wrong. ;)
#19
In terms of love and romance, the truth is, the only person you know you're definitely spending the rest of your life with is you. Everything else is simply not guaranteed -no matter how much you believe in “true love” and all that it entails. People die. People leave. People change their minds. When all is said and done, you end up with yourself. So you better f*cking like who that is. In fact, you better LOVE who that is. Work everyday to be your best self. And don't let ANYONE EVER define who you are without your permission.
criminalgirl 7 years ago
I don't get moved by inspirational speeches, I'm too cynical, but the above is exactly on the money. I'm old enough to believe this is absolutely correct. Well saic.
Zanthe 7 years ago
“I may not be the man I want to be; I may not be the man I ought to be; I may not be the man I could be; I may not be the man I truly can be; but praise God, I’m not the man I once was.” — Martin Luther King Jr.
JillVille 7 years ago
I haven't lived my own true life and have no clue who my real self is at this point. Working, married mom of 4 here who lives to care for my family. I'm on my own backburner and have been for years. Who knows if I'll like myself when they're all gone and that's sad.
BusLady 7 years ago
@JillVille. I was once in that place. I coped by having hobbies that were creative. With 4 children, I know it's difficult to find time for yourself. For instance, I believed that my house had to be spotless. Meals had to be perfect, etc. Now I realise how foolish that was. I was so much more than that. You don't have to be perfect.
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Amber Tucker 6 years ago
Put the oxygen mask on yourself before you help others. I realized a few weeks ago that I needed to take care of myself before I was in a position to be able to help others. It has brought me so much peace and made me realign my priorities. Not that I won't help others but I can't save someone from drowning when I'm drowning myself.
Darlene Martin 6 years ago
At a low point in my life, I was crying and told my Doctor that I just wanted to run away and leave everything and everyone behind. In his kindly fashion he told me that I had better learn to love and value myself because if I ran away, I still had to take "me" with me, and, he said, when I die the only one I had to take with me was "me"! It was just what I needed to hear at the time!!
#20
"You're going to die one day. We all are. Do everything you want to do. Don't wind up on your death bed one day thinking of all the things you didn't do because assholes might have an asshole opinion about it. They're just jealous anyways." ~ My grandpa at 89 years old; a few months before he died 12 years ago. And that's the real quote. It was on video.
Lilly 7 years ago
we are all born to die, so why NOT live your life for YOU? my mother is dying (cancer), but her whole life was spent being afraid to try new things, let alone do them by herself. i am totally the opposite. i will go to the movies, out to eat, etc by myself if that's what i want to do! i have been trying to expose her to new things while she is still with us, and that's a milestone every time. she will never do anything alone, though, and i feel sad that she relies on others' opinions & is not comfortable/confident enough to do what she wants when she wants.
BusLady 7 years ago
@Lily: TY for trying to help your Mother. It's a shame, but she likely will never change. But I'm sure she knows that you care about her.
Load More Replies... GlynisLailann 7 years ago
I had a group of old people that I used to visit. The saddest part was when they used to reminisce about the 'old days' and say "If I had my life over again, I would have done this, that and the other." I try (where permissible time and money wise) to do things and go places that I want to.
#21
"You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm". Really hit home for me, since I grew up trying to mediate my parents' issues and had multiple friends in and out of the ER for mental health crises during my teen years, among other things. As someone who spent the majority of her life feeling like she had to take care of others at all costs, it was kinda a shock to the system to hear that I was allowed to have my limits even with people who truly needed help.
Teresa Anthony 7 years ago
Yes, I agree with this. To whoever doesn't have limits when it comes to helping people, stop. Be kind to yourself too. You won't be able to keep helping others if you neglect and hurt yourself. It happened to me.
alwright 7 years ago
sometimes even though there's nothing you could have done, you still feel guilty. you can't help but wonder "What if..." :(
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KT Trondsen 7 years ago
The problem with mentally ill people, they cycle. Their mind gets stuck in a loop that will repeat and repeat and repeat in total madness until they lose their sh*t. No advice you give them is going to help them, they will only take you down with them. They need to see a professional.
ispeak catanese 7 years ago
A friend of mine told me (that mentally ill person you're in a relationship with) is beyond your pay grade because she needed much more help than I was qualified to give. It seems flippant but it really stuck with me.
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Paul Hutton 7 years ago
"you can't save anyone. you can just be there to catch them when they fall." I can't remember where or if I heard this, but it's words I live by and pass on.
Erin Scott 7 years ago
love this. Being a giving person myself, finding balance with anything is important.
#22
People won't remember the words you say but how it made them feel.
Katja Pirjevec 7 years ago
"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." Maya Angelou
Sammy Yousef 6 years ago
Sometimes they don't just remember your words but throw them back at you.
Kim Lorton 7 years ago
I learned, the hard way, but stick to in my old age, is that what you think of me, is none of my business, and I don’t really care! I’m 59 now, and I wished, I hadn’t tried to take care of everyone, but myself.
Parmeisan 7 years ago
One shouldn't take this as saying that exact words aren't important, though. If you choose your words carefully and present differences/criticisms with tact and understanding, then how you made them feel is neutral or even positive. Thoughtful, hopefully, about whatever you said. Approach people carelessly, however, and how you made them feel is defensive, upset, or even angry.
Alusair Alustriel 7 years ago
Yes, and then when you are asked: Give me an example" you are speechless. It's a shame more people don;t know this. I never can recall what was said, but how I felt.
Miss MonMon 7 years ago
People forget what you said & how you said it, but they never forget how you made them feel.
#23
My old boss, the CEO of a small hospital, told me a story from back when he was a lab technician (for simplicity, let's call him Dan). Dan had forgotten to check some sort of mechanism on a piece of equipment he used, it malfunctioned and broke the equipment which ended up having around a $250,000 repair bill. The next day Dan's boss called him in to talk about it, and he was sure he was going to be fired. His boss asked him why he didn't do a proper check, made sure he understood what happened and sent him back to work. Dan asked him "Am I not getting fired? I was almost sure that's what this was about." His boss said "No way, I just spent $250,000 teaching you a lesson you'll never forget. Why would I fire you now?" It seems silly, but that attitude always resonated with me. Don't make professional decisions based on emotional responses. Always know what your goal is when dealing with someone, and what exact problem you are trying to solve. Everyone makes mistakes, and yelling at them just makes them resent you and become defensive. Being calm and understanding will make people look up to you.
Carol Emory 7 years ago
I had a boss that was totally awesome. I worked in Accounts Payable for a college. I made a mistake one time that caused a batch of checks not to be printed. One of the people affect by it came into the office in started yelling at me. My boss told them that she would handle it and they should leave. She then sat down with me. I was on the verge of tears and blurted out "I'm sorry." She said "You have nothing to be sorry about. This isn't your fault, it's mine. I was supposed to teach you something and I did not do it properly so there was a mistake made. So I'm going to teach you how to do it properly. Don't ever let rude or emotional people make you apologize for a mistake that is not yours." Best Boss Ever!
Kim Lorton 7 years ago
I also don’t believe, that you should fire someone, because they aren’t liked by everyone! If they were, they wouldn’t be doing their jobs!
Kathy Hinsley Tenn 7 years ago
While working through college at night alone doing data input I accidently erased a whole month's working data. I thought I would be fired but they just verbally reprimanded me. Then I worked overtime through a weekend without saying anything or reporting my time. 2 weeks later the manager did the same thing! Erased a month of a different data. Turns out it was a glitch in the system. They apologized and insisted on paying me for that overtime.
#24
My dad was/is a deacon of a church, and one part of his duties was to visit with people in retirement homes and bring them communion. He couldn't go one day, and he asked me (I was in high school at the time) to go in his place. Perhaps obviously, with me being young and the people in the homes being elderly, age was a frequent topic of conversation. One old man told me, "the hardest thing about getting old is running out of people who understand you." That is, each generation has a unique way of looking at the world and what it means to be alive in it, and as new generations come and redefine what the world is, one's world gets smaller and smaller as there are fewer people around who understand your world in the same way. We are all marching toward obsolescence. I think I became much more of a realist that day.
Suzi Gauthier 7 years ago
I think it's purposeful obsolescence. We tend to like to keep things as they were when we were growing up, but that keeps humanity from moving forward. Species who don't change become extinct. If the older generations stayed in power, we'd still be living in caves because, dang it, the old days were better. And if you keep an open mind as you get older, you find a lot more people who understand you, because you understand them.
Sammy Yousef 6 years ago
It's more possible than ever to re-engage with modern culture. That doesn't mean you won't miss the old but it will mean you can still relate to the young.
Mr. Re-in-act-ment 7 years ago
This is better “following in parent’s footsteps” than just saying: “Hey Dan, I worked as a butler and i want you to do the same. So did your grandfather”
Tiny Dancer 7 years ago
Golly, I'll bet he was fun at parties, sheesh. I'm gonna need a ladder to get out of this deep hole of despair! I thought the old fella was just talking about friends and loved ones, people who "get" you, and that's very true. Still sad, but not quite as depressing as the rest of the message, lol.
#25
"Education is expensive, but no education is more expensive". Definitely took school more seriously after someone said that to me.
Mika N 7 years ago
That can be true, depending on what your education is in and if you're trying for the most affordable options. There are some options for education which don't always include college, and if you're wiling to put in the "expense" of time and commitment it may be more worth it in the end and save you lots of debt. You just need to weigh carefully what's right for your goals.
Twitch Mitchell 6 years ago
No. Go to school. The fourth industrial revolution is here. Many blue collar jobs will be gone. The world needs people who can THINK.
Jon Martin 6 years ago
"Education" can mean different things - not necessarily formal i.e, college and degrees etc. Taken from that perspective this is a very valid point.
Mr. Re-in-act-ment 7 years ago
My school goals: I want to be in the middle of good and bad but then be a lot of good sometimes, oh yeah and try my best at all times. My College goals: Try my best and just get the four years over with
lunanoir69 7 years ago
I have a difficult time explaining this to my mieces and nephews and the kids I know. They don't seem to understand and I wonder where they"ll be in 20 years. College was the best thing that ever happened to me. I was bullied a lot in school, but in college, I was respected for my mind and my work for the first time ever. My professors were my heroes and they all stood beside me. I can't imagine not having had that experience. I was the first person to graduate from college in my entire family.
Jon Martin 6 years ago
"Education" can mean many things - not just college degrees. When seen from that perspective, this is an excellent point.
Surya Amriza 7 years ago
What is education? Learn from University/College? For me, not necessarily. For example, you like woodcraft and if you want better at it you take education, formal or non-formal, about woodcraft/carpentry.
#26
"There will be something you hate in every job. The trick is finding a job where you love the good parts enough to make up for the crappy parts." That might sound like a dumb one to list here, but whenever I have problems related to work (which seems to be where I need most of my motivation) I like to think back on this and take a deep breath. It's ok to hate where you are sometimes. The trick is to remind yourself what else you like, and power through.
Kathleen Hansford 7 years ago
That isn't always feasible; rents/mortgages still have to be paid. Life might be 'too short' but it'll be a lot shorter if you end up homeless for walking out on your job. Sure, if you have another you can go to, great. Starting to LOOK for another job on the quiet if yours is toxic is probably sensible, but just walking out isn't.
Load More Replies... Neurotic_Octopus 7 years ago
Exactly how I chose my career too! I love art, but I didn't want to turn something I loved into a job, or it wouldn't be fun anymore. Instead, I found a career that I loved and had fun with. Now I teach college and get to play with rats in a psych lab (they're very sweet and cuddly). :D
Jericho Carrillo 6 years ago
a JOB will not be a JOB if you can't find it crappy. The solution is to make it the fuel of your drive. You want to go and do some musical gigs on a weekend but can't buy your gear, or spend money on the booze and have fun with friends? WORK.
Margaret Jenkins 7 years ago
So true. The best job I had was working for a mental health charity in London. The only downside to that job was that it didn't pay very well, but I was fortunate enough to have skills to teach evening classes. I only left that job when I met someone, both in our 40s and we moved away from London as it was too expensive. I was lucky, got another good job but it wasn't quite as the charity one.
BusLady 7 years ago
This is exactly why there are "job surfers" who cannot or will not stay long on a job. They quit when it gets the least bit difficult, instead of sticking with it and solving the problem. They will quit a job before they have another one lined up. Then they are "between jobs" for months or even years. Of course, if it's truly toxic, get out ASAP!
Miss MonMon 7 years ago
Hey, I tried it out for 18mths with a toxic prick boss. I gave it my best shot until it drained the life out of me, so don't compare me to wimps who run at the slightest problem.
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#27
"Depression presents itself in the guise of rational thought." Said by my uncle.
Jennifer Toplitz 6 years ago
How well I know it, and when your actions that would otherwise scare you start to seem reasonable, it's time get help.
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This Derpy Pug 7 years ago
I said to my sister, "Stop complaining you don't understand life like i do" but then i realized that by knowing less about life, she still knew more. She said back to me, "The meaning of life is to not think about the meaning of life." I am 3 years older than her. Just Wow
sharron lynn parsons 7 years ago
Some jobs, careers, are Toxic, be brave to take the next step, life is shorter than you think !!!
#28
"Shouting a person into silence does not mean you have shouted them into agreement." Forgot who originally said this, so I cannot give proper credit.
Suzi Gauthier 7 years ago
I told an ex something like this: "Saying something louder doesn't make it true."
Kathie Duncan 7 years ago
I wish my birth family had known/knew this. It would have prevented so much pain.
Michelle Wan 6 years ago
Shouting and screaming doesn't get you heard. - what I said to my husband when he shouts and screams.
Sandy 7 years ago
I wish I could say that this doesn't apply outside of personal relationships. I'd like to have this at my work, on every free wall space. Also on toilets. I was a bit surprised when I started working many many years ago, that other people yell/scream at you with such vigor and hate. Then I remembered, oh yeah people are a******s anywhere and everywhere.
Margaret Jenkins 7 years ago
One of the truest things on this site. I must remember that when I shout at my OH
#29
"I learned to give... not because I have too much. But because I know how it feels to have nothing."
lunanoir69 7 years ago
This is what inspires me every day. My friends ask me why I give money to the homeless on our streets because of what they might spend the money on. I've been there. I don't just give them money, I give them community resources that can help. I don't judge them, because it takes just one catastrophic event to lose everything. I know because I've experienced that, but if I've been blessed, then I can help bless others.
BusLady 7 years ago
It's well known among non-profits that wealthy people give a much lower percentage of their income to charities than do middle class people. And they are less likely to give. Many low income people give what they can, because they do know what it's like to have nothing. And many middle class people grew up poor, and want to help people who are struggling.
#30
"It's only embarrassing if you're embarrassed." Changed my life forever.
Zanthe 7 years ago
Ever since I learned to laugh at myself before anyone else did, life's been easier. We need to be nice to ourselves, sometimes we expect too much, sometimes we judge too much. There's a bright side, let's focus on it while it rains outside.
BusLady 7 years ago
I always say that the best humour is when you can laugh at yourself.
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Jennifer C. 7 years ago
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." My fave quote from Eleanor Roosevelt.
Kim Lorton 7 years ago
I was at the movies when I was still in school, well, I wasn’t paying attention and tripped over that velvet rope thing! Needless to say, I was embarrassed, but after I got back up, I had to do something so I took a bow, and said outloud, for my next act, I will... my friends were rolling on the floor laughing at and with me, and I laughed too! How could I not? They were laughing so hard, it made me laugh!
#31
'Your job will never love you." It made me really reconsider being so emotionally invested in it.
Carol Emory 7 years ago
I disagree. I've made friends with plenty of my co-workers and still have those friendships today. But A) your job is not dependent on you making friends with everyone in the office...some people just aren't friendly and B) be careful of hanging out with co-workers outside of work because anything you do with them may eventually make the rumor mill in the office.
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Carol Emory 7 years ago
My husband has always been loyal to his employers that treat him well. He will be so devoted that, when placed on salary, he will go in way early in the morning before anyone else and leave an hour after most other employees have gone. I had to point out to him that even people that seem nice will try to take advantage of you if you do not draw your line in the sand. Being there 11 hours a day when others barely put in 8 doesn't show the boss your more devoted to the business, it shows them you're willing to get paid less for more work. Show them that you are fully aware of what you are worth.
Cheryl Losier 7 years ago
Wow. That just stopped me in my tracks. Never thought of it that way but I will from now on. Thank you.
Cielo Perdomo 7 years ago
As a teacher, I can’t really accept this. Some “jobs” are callings. And deserve the emotional investment.
Naima Ivansdóttir 7 years ago
i don't care wether my job loves me as long as it pays the bills (doesn't apply to people)
Kirsteen McDonald 7 years ago
I found this out the hard way a couple of years ago. I was tearing myself apart trying to work and deal with my, very, ill parents. It cost me more than my job, which looking back wasn’t that bad of a thing. It cost me my health and I’m still recovering.
Susan Gardner 7 years ago
I have a couple of friends who are literally 'married' to their job. Sad what they are missing out on.
#32
My dad once gave me and my brother each a dollar out of nowhere. I scoffed and said "Dad its just a dollar, you keep it." He got really mad and said "Never try to give anything back that someone gives you. It could be all they have to give and a huge sacrifice to them." I felt like such a dick. And I could really use that dollar right now.
Lynda Gene Rymond 6 years ago
When I was putting myself thrucollege in the 80's, I had an elderly relative that would send me encouraging cards from time to time, and maybe once a year, include a $5 bill "so I could treat myself to some McDonalds if they have them in California." The dear lady rarely left her house let alone her small town, and that $5 meant she had gone without some necessity to provide me with a treat. I always carried it with me for a while and spent it on some little luxury - not McD's - and think of my Aunt Anna with such love.
Peggy Stillman 6 years ago
I had a friend give me $5.00 for a wedding gift. This was priceless to me because she couldn't afford anything much.
Naomi Armitage 7 years ago
Like that story in the Bible about the poor woman who gave the last 2 cents she had, vs the rich guy who gave a big ol' bag o' money. In GOD's eyes, the woman gave a whole lot more.
Kiss Army 7 years ago
My husband's aunt used to send us each $2 in a card for our birthday's and would always write "Have a Treat on Me!" She is gone now and I still miss those cards and gift. It kind of made us feel bad that she sent us anything when she had so little but it was a great feeling to be remembered and valued so much by her that she would do so. We would "spoil" her any chance we got.
#33
There is no harder, only hard. Helped me to realize that it doesn't matter if someone's problems are bigger or smaller than mine. At some point, everyone goes through the hardest thing they've ever had to deal with.
Suzi Gauthier 7 years ago
My sister & I have discussed this. So many people seem to be in a contest for whose problems are the worst, but the worst thing that has happened to you is the worst thing that has happened to you.
alwright 7 years ago
*hippy clears throat* I believe our challenges in life are the stepping stones for lessons we must learn, and the difficulty correlates with each individual's position on their soul's path.
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Jen Zordan 6 years ago
I have to keep trying to tell this to my friends and family. I have multiple sclerosis and and wheelchair-bound, and every day is a challenge for me, but that doesn't mean that other people don't face challenges every day, too. Whether they be physical, financial, emotional, or whatever, we all have our crosses to bear, my struggles aren't your struggles, your struggles aren't my struggles, but we can all walk each other through our struggles.
Sammy Yousef 6 years ago
So you think you have it as bad as a starving child? No. Sorry but this is fantasy. The kind of story we tell ourselves to make ourselves feel better.
BusLady 7 years ago
In trauma therapy, there is a reoccurring theme: There is a difference between a victim and a survivor. A victim wants people to feel sorry for them, and they are not willing to move on and work to make their lives better. A survivor has accepted the fact that something bad happened to them, and have learned to be strong. They have rebuilt their lives, while victims are still running in place.
#34
When I was a young kid and did really well on some tests at school I came home and boasted about it. "Mom! Guess what?! I'm really really smart!" Mom: "So what are you going to do about it?" It's been 20 years and I still don't know the right answer to that question.
GiantSpaceTiger 7 years ago
You broke the first rule of smart club, which is never to talk about smart club!
Rachelle Shepherd 6 years ago
Work. You can be very intelligent, but without work, your output can never reach it's full potential. That's why its important to praise kids for their work, not just for being smart, or they may stop working hard towards their goals if they think they are too smart for it.
Sammy Yousef 6 years ago
...thus proving that you weren't as smart as you thought? This episode was brought to you by Dunning and Kruger.
rhyan lumilay 7 years ago
me: Mom!! I dunno!? maybe making everyone smart so that we all going to be scratching our heads to answer that hard question.
#35
Having grown up somewhat poor, I was always insecure when going to nice places...felt out of place and not as good as the other people there. Out on a date at a nice restaurant once and the guy I was with said something along the lines of, "You're paying for your meal just like everyone else here...You deserve to be here just as much as they do." I still get insecure sometimes, but I always think back to this and feel instantly better about myself.
GiantSpaceTiger 7 years ago
It's possible he just didn't want to pay for your meal ;) so he thought "hmm, how can I make Lola buy her own lobster but still feel good about it?".. Not really, but would be a good plot twist.
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Suzanne Hickman 7 years ago
He took you out to a nice restaurant and then made you pay for your meal? Dude...
#36
We're all tired, we all just want to sit on our couch in front of our TV's. But that's not living, man. -My buddy, when I told him I didn't want to go out because I'd had a long day. This is a philosophy I live by now. My life is so much better for it.
Suzi Gauthier 7 years ago
Getting away from TV has really enriched my life. One day I just thought, why am I getting so emotionally involved in fake people's fake lives? I still watch a few things, but turning on the TV is no longer one of the the first things I do when I get home.
Orkris 7 years ago
Sadly social media platforms replaced that freed timespace.
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Aaaa Bbbb 7 years ago
Eh, "living" is a matter of personal preference. If you're an extrovert, I guess it might be good to get out. Wouldn't know, because I consider any time spent socializing to be "not living" but rather plastering on a fake smile and counting the seconds until the nightmare is over. Books, TV, games, anything that doesn't involve a bunch of people-- that's living to me!!
Kathleen Hansford 7 years ago
I agree; everyone has their own way of living and no one should be made to feel that theirs is 'not living' because their fun doesn't involve frequent socialising. Personally, I find socialising absolutely wipes me out for days, even when it is fun.
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Caroline16 6 years ago
I feel the same way. about a month ago, I broke my phone, and haven't gotten a new one yet. but my mental health has improved so much, and I hadn't realized how poorly I had felt or how rudely I had been speaking to people until I went a while without one. even my mom pointed out a difference in how happy I seemed!!!
Irene McIver 7 years ago
If that works for you and your friend, good for you. If a friend of mine took that attitude with me it would just make me feel very uncomfortable about going out to socialise with them. One of the main reasons my best friend is my best friend is that we don't judge each other or try to mould each other to our own perceptions of what "living" should be.
Naima Ivansdóttir 7 years ago
true to a certain level. you have to learn to stop and have some actual rest, listen to your body and mind, else you're going to pay for the consequences.
#37
"Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes but, when we look back everything is different..." - C.S Lewis
Valerie Bost 6 years ago
True thought, but false attribution: http://www.essentialcslewis.com/2017/03/04/ccslq-33-isnt-it-funny/
#38
On the subject of healthy eating/losing weight etc; a bald and muscly gay man once said to me... "Don't treat yourself with food, you are not a dog."
Nikki Angulo 7 years ago
Not sure why the bald, muscly and gay part was important to the story, lol.
rena 7 years ago
Oh come on. I don't take drugs, don't drink and don't buy s**t. If I want to treat myself with a nice rare steak at the end of a harsh week, I will do just that. And if I want to stuff my face with a pint of chocolate ice cream, I'll do that as well. Muscly gay man: Don't stuff your face with protein bars - you're not an astronaut.
Sammy Yousef 6 years ago
Easy to say for someone that's never had a weight problem. It's easy to control yourself when you aren't super hungry 20 minutes after a large meal. People who don't have weight problems literally don't get this.
Kathleen Hansford 7 years ago
Incredibly true; the problem is that by the time we hear things like this, our relationship with food is usually pretty dysfunctional. bad food habits tend to be learned as children, when adults do stupid things like telling us we can have dessert if we eat all of our dinner. Great idea, rewarding kids for eating more than they feel comfortable with by giving them dessert only when they already feel too full. Not to mention the 'children in would love that food you're turning down' guilt trip.
#39
I rather live a life of 'oh wells' than 'what ifs?'
Karen Drucks 7 years ago
True, at nearly 70, I have more what-ifs than oh wells and that makes me sad..
Stan Chung 7 years ago
Best. Almost 50 now. From I was 25, that's 25 years of great experiences. To think there's another 25 around the corner!
#40
"Never point out your flaws. Let others figure them out on their own."
BusLady 7 years ago
Also: Don't point out your outstanding accomplishments, wonderful character traits, and how much you do for the unfortunate (read: sarcasm). If you're really that great, people already know it. Lol
rhyan lumilay 7 years ago
same as bragging what you have, what you've done and what you achieved just to make everyone knows you are successful, just let them discover and notice that from you.
Load More Replies... Wyndmere 7 years ago
"Let another speak well of you, but not your own lips." Ancient Hebrew saying
Sammy Yousef 6 years ago (edited)
Context matters. Sometimes self-deprecation can win people over. e.g. many comedians use it to good effect.
Bec Snyder 7 years ago
Words create reality. Even if you feel like c**p, when someone asks you, "How are you?", always reply. "Fantastic!" It will be YOUR truth.
#41
When I was 19/20 my mum started taking out loans to build houses abroad, which I thought was a silly and expensive waste of money but she told me it had always been her dream to own land/be a landlady. Which I thought was strange considering she was a nurse and she'd never once mentioned it in all the years I'd known her. A few months later it dawned on me that it had coincided perfectly with the time my younger sister (who was the lastborn) had left the house to go off to school. Now considering she had four kids it hit me that she'd basically put her entire life on hold just to take care of us, and this wasn't just old school got a job, it was full on move to a different country/move heaven and hell to make sure we'd had a good life. And after over thirty years of putting the work in for us, she'd finally turned around and started working on her dream. Absolutely floored me and was the first "Whoa my mum's an actual person (and not just my mum) who'd done all this for me." Appreciate your parents people and hopefully do the same for your kids.
Linda Brown 7 years ago
I appreciated my mom immensely, when my dad died mom was 38 had 3 kids and one on the way, back in 1963. Dad left us in debt. But our mom worked so hard after the new baby came, when she was well enough. Her parents lived with us until baby brother went to school. Well my mom worked so hard she bought a home in 1973 for us to live in. Then we come to 1990, because mom worked so hard whether she was sick or not. She died at the tender age of 62, one year younger then I am now. We all miss her a lot. Whereas dad left us in debt mom did not, the 4 kids got $90,000 each.
Meg Denges Faulkner 7 years ago
I had the very same realization about my mom when I had a kid: that she's a whole person with her own dreams and thought life and everything. I can't believe I went 20 years without that ever occurring to me. She was extremely self-sacrificing.
Bridget Benson 7 years ago
Sadly I didn't learn this until many years after my mom died. I miss her tonight. It's been 22 years and back then I was an angry 14 year old
KT Trondsen 7 years ago
Oh god, we give up so much for our kids. We gave up our dream of owning a house to have children, so now we live in a basement suite but we have our kids and they make us so happy. Now we have RESP accounts for their educations and a savings account for disney trips etc Busting our butts so hard to make sure they have a good life
Carol Emory 7 years ago
You were fortunate enough to have that kind of mother. My mother reminded her four kids how much of a burden they were to her on a daily basis. If she wasn't bad mouthing my father (who she was still married to,) she was running off to disappear for two weeks every 6 years doing God knows what. She acts like she put her life on hold for us..but when it comes down to it, she did as she pleased and the rest of the family be damned. You cannot imagine the smile on my face when, during her last disappearing act, my father announces that he's serving my mother with divorce papers. It only took him 25 years to figure out she wasn't worth the headache anymore.
#42
The first female leader of the Cherokee Nation came to my college campus years ago. She gave a speech, talking about how her life had been formed by always striving for more, never turning away from the challenge. Her advice was simple: "Go where the fear is" -Wilma Mankiller. When confronted with two roads I always choose what scares me more.
Rajesh Parulekar 7 years ago
But it is true freedom as well, which allows them to escape from the prison of their fear.
Load More Replies... #43
In an episode of Louie he tells one of his daughters, "The only time you should look in your neighbor's bowl is to make sure he has enough." I'm sure Louis CK didn't invent that on his own, but it was the first time I'd heard it, and it's stuck with me.
#44
I was having a bad day one time and being all "Why me?" when a coworker said "Why not you?". I had never thought about it before, but it was a good point. So I shut up and got over it.
Nini Meow 7 years ago
If this question ever pops in my mind.. I assure myself that it is because I am better at it!
rhyan lumilay 7 years ago
True! always remember, that problem was given to you not because your cursed or God hated you so much, it was given or occurred to you because you will conquer, solve and you're better at handling it.
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Tremors Van Zant 6 years ago
If someone has to go through it I'd rather it be me because I know I can handle it. I've been through my own fires and I've put them out too.
Moksha Ramith 6 years ago
My dad said this when he was diagnosed with cancer.. 6 months to live.... my mum, sisters and I were devastated and always thought why him why us why you... he told us very calmly why not me... why not us.. it still resonates within me..
Jen Zordan 6 years ago
I live in a wheelchair with multiple sclerosis, and the same thing dawned on me one day. I was so depressed and I thought "why me?" And the answer was almost immediate – "why not you? If not you, then who would you give this to? Your mom? Your brother? Who would you condemn to a life in a wheelchair?" After that, I stuck seeing myself as condemned, end it was a very freeing for me. I am so much happier now than before I had that conversation with myself, and I really admire the strength of the people around me who have watched me go from a robust young independent athletic woman to a person that requires help with even the most basic tasks. I don't know if I could do that. My family – my parents my husband and my children – they are the heroes.
#45
"If you're scared of doing it because you're afraid that people will judge you, trust me they won't even remember it after a year." Something like that. Made me a little daredevillish.
Douglas Jeffery 6 years ago
My father often said "you wouldn't worry so much about what others thought about you, if you realized how seldom they did."
Judy Heller 6 years ago
I SO take issue with this one. It almost ruined a relative’s life. She stayed in a bad relationship much longer than she should have because of “In ten years it won’t matter.” It did matter and left her a little broken for the rest of her life.
Olga Shinalskaja 7 years ago
I also heard something along the lines that people are to invested in themselves to remember anyone else's mistakes :) But yes, better not put it on the internet unless
#46
When I was in college a friend of mine told me I was gentle. After being called sensitive all my life up until that point, and not in a good way, hearing that made me feel a lot better about myself.
Caroline Espenschied 7 years ago
The best thing about this is that you can turn the words around in a good way whatever the original pejorative is :-) "I'm not shy, I am quiet in a loud world" :-)
Leah Harris 6 years ago (edited)
I had to look up what a pejorative was… It's a word you call someone when you really want to call them a worse name.
Load More Replies... Kathleen Hansford 7 years ago
I had that too, once and it helped. People often don't believe that their choice of words matters; it really does.
#47
"You aren't IN traffic, you ARE traffic."
Margaret Bell 7 years ago
This is the way I feel when we get the lunch rush at work, and people start complaining about the crowd. Like, go somewhere else if you think it's too crowded.
#48
I had just opened up to a good friend of mine about how, after 10+ years of intractable treatment-resistant depression, I was completely exhausted and really did not want to be alive anymore. At the time, I had kind of accepted that things would eventually get better, but I thought that it would be years until my life was what I wanted/needed it to be, and I just felt incredibly frustrated at everyone telling me to "wait it out". Instead of giving lame advice, he asked me more about my plans, and it came out that the only thing that's ever kept me going is a drive to contribute something meaningful to humanity, and I just couldn't stand the idea of giving up and essentially leaving the world a little worse off. That's when he busted out this one: "You know, I think it's almost tragically beautiful that you keep putting yourself through this just for the sake of other people. I know it's hard to believe it'll ever be worth 15 years of suffering, but once you're on the other side of it I think you'll see what an incredible person that makes you." It still makes me tear up every time I think about it. It was one of the most important things anyone's said to encourage me, and it helped get me through some of my worst times. Thankfully, it was only about a year after that that I finally found a treatment that worked. No updates yet on the giant ego I'm supposed to be growing, though ;)
Shannon Moore 7 years ago
I also have treatment-resistant MDD. I am currently in school for psych/soc. and my goal is to become a counselor. The drive to help others is what keeps me focused
Sonder Along 7 years ago
Reminds me of this quote... "It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society." - Jiddu Krishnamurti
devon 7 years ago
This is absolutely beautiful, and your friend couldn't be more correct. The hardest part about depression for a lot of people is feeling worthless, like no one else cares about you. Regardless, you are choosing to care this much about everyone around you. I hope the strength and comfort of his words lead you to doing something amazing: opening a non-profit, a foster home, animal rescue, etc. It is the most selfless thing to be suffering so much and still wanting to leave a positive impact on this world. You are a beautiful human. Don't ever think any different. :) <3
#49
My psychologist gave me a print of a picture of Winnie the Pooh and Piglet in the forest. This is the quote that went with it: "Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" "Supposing it didn't," said Pooh, after careful thought. Piglet was comforted by this. I think about it when I'm catastrophising and it is really helpful for calming down and thinking rationally about whatever situation I'm in.
Nini Meow 7 years ago
I just love pooh and his ways of dealing with life.. The creators were great.
Sue Stephens 6 years ago
A.A. Milne, the author, born 1882, died 1956. He wrote and said things which still hold true today...and probably always have.
Margaret Jenkins 7 years ago
Winnie the Pooh is very smart. One of my favourite childhood books.
Bec Snyder 7 years ago
Oh, man. I'm going through a serious bout of anxiety right now, and I NEEDED to see this. Thank you!
Neurotic_Octopus 7 years ago
One of my favorite Pooh-related books is The Dao of Pooh. He really does have such a peaceful and comforting approach to life. :)
Tiny Dancer 7 years ago
Reminds me of my favourite Pooh quote. We've all seen it, little Pooh and Piglet walking through the snowy 100 Acre Wood: ”What day is it?” asked Pooh. “It’s today.” squeaked Piglet. “My favourite day.” said Pooh.
Lilly 7 years ago
people with defeatist attitudes grate on my last nerve. i'm a realist, but seem to always be the one pointing out the bright side!
#50
We judge others by their actions and ourselves on our intentions. Really made me think about people and I try telling myself that when the f*cking idiot in front on me doesn't indicate when merging.
Bernardo Rivera 6 years ago
Many years ago, I saw this saying (nicely framed) in a Chinese shop: YOU ASK CLEDIT, I NO GIVE, YOU GET MAD. I GIVE CLEDIT, YOU NO PAY, I GET MAD. BETTER YOU GET MAD. I was a teacher of Accounting (now retired) and I used this saying in teaching Financial Management.
Sammy Yousef 6 years ago
If you want a world with less accidents, start judging yourself on your actions as well rather than everyone just on intentions.
BusLady 7 years ago
I think the idiot in front of you didn't intend to use a turn signal, and probably never does! Lol
Ama-nee 6 years ago
As a person who once spent a whole week trying to diagnose and fix my blinkers, I can only imagine how deep in hell I'll end up. xD
Load More Replies... What do you think ?
Kjorn 7 years ago
i had a rough patch few years ago i thinking a lot about Killing myself but since i saw that story it change it all (https://www.express.co.uk/news/world/720383/dad-tells-son-mum-died-heroin-overdose) When i saw the reaction of this kids Learning from his dad that his mom dies it completly change the way i think. it's still rought right now but thinking of doing that it's now off limit. Makes me realise that whatever i can be down or feeling s**t i'm still important for my family
Dianna Siever 7 years ago
The death of a loved one to suicide is absolutely devastating. I'm glad you've reconsidered.
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SykesDaMan 7 years ago
Yeah, I was tired of upvoting the posts one by one (I almost upvoted everything that I read), and then I stopped and just upvoted the article and called it a day.
Aaron Kara 7 years ago
My brother once said to me "Don't worry about it, its all a load of s**t anyway"...I'll never forget that
Liz Karsa 7 years ago
A favorite manager of mine said to me years ago "Never expect other people to work the way you do." It was the greatest piece of workplace advice I have ever received and has really helped me at every job I have had.
FleurTangClan 7 years ago
Wow that's really resonated with me, thank you!
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Karen Duncan 7 years ago
I have been at the my job for 27 years and have to say I still enjoy my work. The thing I hear the most from new employees after being at the job for a few months is " I can't take this place (fill in the blank for whatever reason they have chosen - It's too busy, not enough training, I did not get the promotion etc.) I usually reply with..." Think back to the time that you wished so hard to have a good job and how good it felt when you finally got one. I never forget how not having a job felt and I appreciate that I have one.
Pep 7 years ago
When I was fourteen, I was struggling with performance anxiety. The only adult who could calm me down, was my physics teacher. One day I was close to crying in a lunch break after I messed up my physics test that morning. I went to him to talk and one moment, he asked me to look at the window. He then asked me: "Are the birds still flying?". After I had said "yes", he told me: "Well, if the birds are still flying, your mistakes weren't that big, were they?". Five years later I am a part time teacher myself in computer sciences after graduating high school with an A in physics. When I told him how much his words meant to me at that time, he said: "I can't explain how happy that makes me".
Connie Martin 7 years ago
I was telling my dad that I'd been asked to chair an annual fundraiser I'd volunteered for for many years. This was a big undertaking: over 1000 volunteers total, and many interlocking "moving parts." The first thing I had to do was find 22 fellow volunteers to chair committees. He said, "Well, someone is going to disappoint you. It might be someone you least expect. But if you have that in mind at the outset, it won't hurt as much when it happens." Eight months later, after a very successful (and exhausting) event, the chair of the clean-up committee calls and tells me she "can't do it." No excuse, no apology. I was startled and angry, then thought, "Oh. It's you! You're the one my dad told me to expect." And sure enough, I felt instantly over it...and just got to work.
Caroline Espenschied 7 years ago
I would like to add my own story : a substitute teacher (whom I don't remember much more of) had a huge impact on the way I see myself. It was an artclass, I had something gorgeous in mind, a masterpiece, I worked hard with handmade paper, something unique, it was going to be so beautiful. Long story short, I screwed it up. Like, totally. Unfixable. Irreversible. No way to start and try again. I had failed and there was NOTHING I could do about it. Needless to say, I became a hot, raging mess. Complete hystery. The teacher took me aside, gave me a deep look in the eyes and said "What you DO and what you ARE are two different things" It stopped me right in my track. I had failed, but I wasn't a failure; I had screwed up, but I WASN'T screwed up. I am not my mistakes. They don't define who I am. What DOES define me is my will to get back up and try something new, something different, something that might work. I might fail, but it's not who I am...
Michael Morris 7 years ago
Here's one I came across while studying Catholicism. There are two definitions to the word "perfect." The first, "flawless," is the definition most frequently used. The other, "Not lacking any essential quality." as in "A hammer is a perfect tool for driving nails." It doesn't matter how rusty, pitted or worn the hammer is, it remains a perfect tool for its purpose so long as the handle isn't rotted away. This we can aspire to, but it requires a lot of honest soul searching to determine what is essential to us and what is not.
Kjorn 7 years ago
i had a rough patch few years ago i thinking a lot about Killing myself but since i saw that story it change it all (https://www.express.co.uk/news/world/720383/dad-tells-son-mum-died-heroin-overdose) When i saw the reaction of this kids Learning from his dad that his mom dies it completly change the way i think. it's still rought right now but thinking of doing that it's now off limit. Makes me realise that whatever i can be down or feeling s**t i'm still important for my family
Dianna Siever 7 years ago
The death of a loved one to suicide is absolutely devastating. I'm glad you've reconsidered.
Load More Replies... SykesDaMan 7 years ago
Yeah, I was tired of upvoting the posts one by one (I almost upvoted everything that I read), and then I stopped and just upvoted the article and called it a day.
Aaron Kara 7 years ago
My brother once said to me "Don't worry about it, its all a load of s**t anyway"...I'll never forget that
Liz Karsa 7 years ago
A favorite manager of mine said to me years ago "Never expect other people to work the way you do." It was the greatest piece of workplace advice I have ever received and has really helped me at every job I have had.
FleurTangClan 7 years ago
Wow that's really resonated with me, thank you!
Load More Replies... Karen Duncan 7 years ago
I have been at the my job for 27 years and have to say I still enjoy my work. The thing I hear the most from new employees after being at the job for a few months is " I can't take this place (fill in the blank for whatever reason they have chosen - It's too busy, not enough training, I did not get the promotion etc.) I usually reply with..." Think back to the time that you wished so hard to have a good job and how good it felt when you finally got one. I never forget how not having a job felt and I appreciate that I have one.
Pep 7 years ago
When I was fourteen, I was struggling with performance anxiety. The only adult who could calm me down, was my physics teacher. One day I was close to crying in a lunch break after I messed up my physics test that morning. I went to him to talk and one moment, he asked me to look at the window. He then asked me: "Are the birds still flying?". After I had said "yes", he told me: "Well, if the birds are still flying, your mistakes weren't that big, were they?". Five years later I am a part time teacher myself in computer sciences after graduating high school with an A in physics. When I told him how much his words meant to me at that time, he said: "I can't explain how happy that makes me".
Connie Martin 7 years ago
I was telling my dad that I'd been asked to chair an annual fundraiser I'd volunteered for for many years. This was a big undertaking: over 1000 volunteers total, and many interlocking "moving parts." The first thing I had to do was find 22 fellow volunteers to chair committees. He said, "Well, someone is going to disappoint you. It might be someone you least expect. But if you have that in mind at the outset, it won't hurt as much when it happens." Eight months later, after a very successful (and exhausting) event, the chair of the clean-up committee calls and tells me she "can't do it." No excuse, no apology. I was startled and angry, then thought, "Oh. It's you! You're the one my dad told me to expect." And sure enough, I felt instantly over it...and just got to work.
Caroline Espenschied 7 years ago
I would like to add my own story : a substitute teacher (whom I don't remember much more of) had a huge impact on the way I see myself. It was an artclass, I had something gorgeous in mind, a masterpiece, I worked hard with handmade paper, something unique, it was going to be so beautiful. Long story short, I screwed it up. Like, totally. Unfixable. Irreversible. No way to start and try again. I had failed and there was NOTHING I could do about it. Needless to say, I became a hot, raging mess. Complete hystery. The teacher took me aside, gave me a deep look in the eyes and said "What you DO and what you ARE are two different things" It stopped me right in my track. I had failed, but I wasn't a failure; I had screwed up, but I WASN'T screwed up. I am not my mistakes. They don't define who I am. What DOES define me is my will to get back up and try something new, something different, something that might work. I might fail, but it's not who I am...
Michael Morris 7 years ago
Here's one I came across while studying Catholicism. There are two definitions to the word "perfect." The first, "flawless," is the definition most frequently used. The other, "Not lacking any essential quality." as in "A hammer is a perfect tool for driving nails." It doesn't matter how rusty, pitted or worn the hammer is, it remains a perfect tool for its purpose so long as the handle isn't rotted away. This we can aspire to, but it requires a lot of honest soul searching to determine what is essential to us and what is not.
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