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Woman Asks People Online If She’s Wrong For Telling Her Husband She Won’t Cook For His Grieving Friend Again
Helping a friend, or even a friend’s friend, is always respectable. Not only does it restore faith in humanity, but also is actually helping an individual get through a tough situation that they could have otherwise not been able to deal with on their own.
However, one thing that most people don’t really expect, and hence end up stuck in most times, is when this friend starts taking things too far, either becoming a choosy beggar, moocher, or a straight-up jerk.
It’s a point where you refusing to help will make you look like the bad guy, but continuing to help the guy in need just fuels their abuse of your help.
Well, this one Reddit user ended up in such a situation, which led to her asking the trusty r/AmITheA-Hole community to help understand if she’s wrong here.
More Info: Reddit
RELATED:
Helping someone out in time of need by preparing a meal or two is great, if they don’t get too comfortable with it
Image credits: Farhad Ibrahimzade (not the actual photo)
Meet u/Lillian3435543, or for convenience’s sake, Lillian, who recently came to the AITA subreddit with a story of help for a husband’s friend that quickly turned sour.
So, the Reddit user has a husband who has a very good friend named Dale. Dale had recently lost his wife to cancer and to help him out during this rough time, Lillian started including him in the meals she cooks. This way he would at least have one less thing to worry about.
This Reddit user shared a story of how a grieving friend of her husband grew ever so demanding with her help over a span of 3 months
Image credits: Lillian3435543
Long story short, what started off as one meal a week quickly turned into 3 to 5 meals a week with specific requests and preferences. The cherry on top was that Dale wasn’t even paying for any of it. The husband said Dale had no job, so it would have been rude to demand payment for it.
On top of it all, Dale would send Lillian messages thanking her for the food, but he would also begin sending in comments on how to ‘improve’ her cooking. You probably already know where this is going.
Image credits: Lillian3435543
Well, it all piled up and exploded a few days ago when Lillian, who’s a nurse at a big hospital, was working a full day and Dale sent in a request to prepare some food for him and several guests he had coming over later that day. Because of work, she never got around to reading it, let alone responding.
When she got off work and came home, her husband was upset. Turns out, Dale texted her early in the morning and, having not received any response from her, ended up ordering food last minute.
Apparently, that ended up making him feel ignored and like a burden, leading to a comment that, in his opinion, Lillian is working too much, and the hubby pointed out that she should apologize for putting Dale into this awkward position.
Image credits: Lillian3435543
What followed was her strict refusal to continue cooking for Dale ever again: “I told [my husband] that I’m no longer cooking for his friend. Not even weekly meals. Period. Since this is the type of treatment I get and I’m being treated like a maid or a personal cook then I’m not cooking for Dale again. Ever. I said this, then I went upstairs.“
The story ended up being posted on r/AmITheA-Hole, asking the community whether she was actually in the wrong here to refuse to cook for Dale for what is now three months, and whether she should have apologized.
So, she went to ask Reddit if she was in the wrong here, and they unanimously determined that no, she’s not wrong
The post blew up, garnering nearly 20,000 upvotes with over 2,000 comments in under two days. People determined that she is in fact not the bad guy here, but rather Dale, or even more so the husband.
You can check out the full thread along with everyone’s detailed verdicts here. But before you go, why not drop us a comment of who you would side with in this situation and why in the comment section below!
What do you think ?
YupItsMe1234 3 years ago
It is so weird to hear "my husband doesn't cook". I could understand "my husband isn't a very good cook", but husband doesn't cook? Why the heck not?
MiriPanda 3 years ago (edited)
She said 'My husband.... takes care of household chores except cooking' so I think the splitting of tasks is just fine here. The friend should learn to cook though.
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StrawberryParfait 3 years ago
Number one, a grown man should know how to cook. Period. There is no excuse for a man not knowing how to cook for himself in this day and age. Helplessness is not an attractive trait, and no woman wants to play mommy to a grown man. Number two, ingratitude gets old fast. All Dale needed to say was "thank you" for the times she chose to cook for him out of the goodness of her heart. Number three, she needs to divorce her asshole husband who seems to think that she is a rent-a-serf for his low-value and lazy friends. He does NOT have her back, clearly values his idiot friend over her, and seems to view his wife as an appliance put there to make life easier for him and his gross friend. If Dale is this much of a petulant child with his friend's wife, I can only imagine how he treated his own. No wonder she got cancer and died. She's probably glad to finally be free of his lazy ass.
Stille20 3 years ago
If this is true I am concerned about the marriage more than the friend. The husband and friends could learn to to cook. Also as they are both benefiting from the money she is making, there is no way they should be judging how much she works. Run and take your income and cooking skills with you
Sorican 3 years ago
I think I would have replied back to Dale with, 'And I didn't know we were married.'. and when the husband got pissy about that, 'Well, guess we won't be for long, huh?' making requests and providing instructions on how-to was pretty over the line. But 'you work too much' is a 'me or him, buddy' kind of moment.
Load More Replies... YupItsMe1234 3 years ago
It is so weird to hear "my husband doesn't cook". I could understand "my husband isn't a very good cook", but husband doesn't cook? Why the heck not?
MiriPanda 3 years ago (edited)
She said 'My husband.... takes care of household chores except cooking' so I think the splitting of tasks is just fine here. The friend should learn to cook though.
Load More Replies... StrawberryParfait 3 years ago
Number one, a grown man should know how to cook. Period. There is no excuse for a man not knowing how to cook for himself in this day and age. Helplessness is not an attractive trait, and no woman wants to play mommy to a grown man. Number two, ingratitude gets old fast. All Dale needed to say was "thank you" for the times she chose to cook for him out of the goodness of her heart. Number three, she needs to divorce her asshole husband who seems to think that she is a rent-a-serf for his low-value and lazy friends. He does NOT have her back, clearly values his idiot friend over her, and seems to view his wife as an appliance put there to make life easier for him and his gross friend. If Dale is this much of a petulant child with his friend's wife, I can only imagine how he treated his own. No wonder she got cancer and died. She's probably glad to finally be free of his lazy ass.
Stille20 3 years ago
If this is true I am concerned about the marriage more than the friend. The husband and friends could learn to to cook. Also as they are both benefiting from the money she is making, there is no way they should be judging how much she works. Run and take your income and cooking skills with you
Sorican 3 years ago
I think I would have replied back to Dale with, 'And I didn't know we were married.'. and when the husband got pissy about that, 'Well, guess we won't be for long, huh?' making requests and providing instructions on how-to was pretty over the line. But 'you work too much' is a 'me or him, buddy' kind of moment.
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