“So Much Worse Than I Could’ve Ever Imagined”: A Text From Fiancé’s Ex Shakes Woman’s World
When dating someone new, you often judge them based on the way they treat you. If your boyfriend or girlfriend is thoughtful and kind with you, you surely see them in a positive light. But it’s equally important to know if they are polite with other people. Being with someone who acts poorly toward others can be a red flag.
A woman took to Reddit to solve her confusion about whether to stay or leave her fiance after his ex-girlfriend made some alarming allegations against him. The author, who has been in a committed relationship with the man for nearly five years, randomly received paragraph-long messages from an unknown account on social media. It was the ex-girlfriend texting and telling her some harsh details about her relationship with her now-ex-boyfriend. However, as her fiance had always treated with her kindness, the woman was unsure whom to believe amidst these revelations. Keep reading to learn more about this tricky situation in detail.
Sometimes, unsettling revelations about your partner’s past can make you question the relationship
Image credits: Bethany Ferr / Pexels (not the actual photo)
A woman shared how his fiancé’s ex-girlfriend made alarming accusations against him
Image credits: Liza Summer / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Timur Weber / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Eliza_Is_Gone
Image credits: Vera Arsic / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The honeymoon phase of dating
In the initial days of a relationship, we tend to believe everything is magical and perfect. In your eyes, your partner appears to be the best human on planet Earth. There are chances that you romanticize everything about them. So, something as basic as them asking about your day might give you butterflies.
Researcher Donatella Marazziti of the University of Pisa, Italy points out, “The nerve transmitters adrenaline and phenylethylamine, or PEA (also present in chocolate) increase when two people are attracted to each other and put them in emotional overdrive. Additionally, the relaxation, feel-good hormone serotonin lowers, causing you to obsess about your lover and consistently reflect back on the romantic times spent with him or her.”
Just the thought that you may have found your ‘soulmate’ can be so exhilarating that you might not be able to judge the quality of the relationship objectively. So how do you decide whether the relationship is worth pursuing? Well, you should take your time and enjoy the ‘honeymoon phase’ of dating first.
Talkspace therapist Rachel O’Neill, Ph.D. speaks about how our emotions during that time might cloud our judgment: “There are some people who are able to have perspective during the honeymoon phase. However, for most, this period is characterized by so many intense emotions it can be hard to really determine what is infatuation and what is legitimate connection.”
Once the newness and sparks die down, you’ll likely be able to see things more clearly. In the first few dates, you discover new things about your boyfriend or girlfriend. You get to know what’s their favorite meal, whether they like dancing or not, and things like these.
After you have been talking to the other person for a while, you are able to truly understand them. Hanging out with them in different settings gives you the chance to see your partner’s nature towards you and others. If you think the other person has good values and traits, you are more likely to continue your relationship with them.
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Trust is the foundation of any relationship
Now, in order to build a meaningful and long-term connection, there needs to be trust between the partners. Establishing and nurturing it extends beyond the initial stages. It requires continuous time, effort, and commitment from both parties.
Trust is the building block of any relationship, says Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, a clinical psychologist and professor at Yeshiva University. “To trust means to rely on another person because you feel safe with them and have confidence that they will not hurt or violate you. Trust is the foundation of relationships because it allows you to be vulnerable and open up to the person without having to defensively protect yourself.”
But if the trust is shaken or broken, chances are it will negatively impact the bond. Deception of any kind can be heartbreaking. It makes you question everything, as it becomes hard for you to trust anything your partner says or does. You might wonder if he or she is really the person you believed they were.
But what happens when you are left in doubt, not because of your partner’s actions but because of the claims of an external factor? When a third person is involved, we should always try to get both sides of the story before reaching a conclusion. Your faith in your partner can be tested for different reasons, and it’s important that you have an honest conversation with them during difficult times. Hear them out, and once you have the entire truth, you can decide how you want to proceed.
But if you feel absolutely clueless, you can always talk to your loved ones or ask people for advice online. What approach should the author have taken according to you? Has anyone ever broken your trust in a relationship?
Many people advised the author to talk openly with her fiancé before making a decision
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"This relationship has been my entire world" is a huge red flag. If he is an abusive POS that's a first step. But talk to fiancé, talk to friends, who clearly know her and knew him with her. If there's none of the predictors of abusive behavior, there's little chance he will be abusive. But I'm guessing there are some things OP has been ignoring because the relationship is her "entire life"
This is weird. If OP has seen no red flags in her fiance, with AI nowadays, I'd hold off on judgement. As people have said here: SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST TOXIC WITH TOXIC PEOPLE. Simple as that. Sure, I'd look into it; ask questions. Ask the informant about details that only two women intimate with someone can know and most importantly, since the informant is sooo clearly interested in my well being, ask her for copies of police reports, medical docs, that sort of thing. I'd look and see if there are any red flags I missed. I'd go to my intuition. Then finally make a decision. I certainly would not, without any firsthand evidence, up and leave someone who's treated me with respect and who's only been trustworthy, based on some stranger's sayso - no matter how many photos she had. It does not work that way.
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I am not questioning the woman who showed up here to try and help the OP, but this just made me think about something. With generative AIs becoming more precise and more common, we'll probably come across realistically faked abuse scenes in the future because it's absolutely possible to fake a screaming voice or alter pictures to add bruises. It's kind of a worrisome thought because it'll make it much harder to differentiate truth from lie
Also, who's to say that she didn't start the fight and she only recorded him screaming because she pushed him off his limits?
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or how about have an adult conversation tell him exactly what you typed on here. Wait to see what he says if he denies it show him the things the EX showed you then make your decision like one of the other posts say all you know for sure is he yelled at her. His ex saying she was gonna take him to court but didn't have the money for a lawyer why take to court call the police with the "evidence". You were with him 5 years and not once did he act like his ex said its worth talking about to find out the truth.
Sounds kinda weird to me too. The two really need to talk, it's the only way to find out what happened here. I mean, it's absolutely possible that that girl was abusive too and he was defending himself, and now she's spiteful. Or that there was a real issue behind the problems. Or that the guy's having mental issues and is now on pills to stay in control. There are so many possibilities, but without asking, OP will never know the truth
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"This relationship has been my entire world" is a huge red flag. If he is an abusive POS that's a first step. But talk to fiancé, talk to friends, who clearly know her and knew him with her. If there's none of the predictors of abusive behavior, there's little chance he will be abusive. But I'm guessing there are some things OP has been ignoring because the relationship is her "entire life"
This is weird. If OP has seen no red flags in her fiance, with AI nowadays, I'd hold off on judgement. As people have said here: SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST TOXIC WITH TOXIC PEOPLE. Simple as that. Sure, I'd look into it; ask questions. Ask the informant about details that only two women intimate with someone can know and most importantly, since the informant is sooo clearly interested in my well being, ask her for copies of police reports, medical docs, that sort of thing. I'd look and see if there are any red flags I missed. I'd go to my intuition. Then finally make a decision. I certainly would not, without any firsthand evidence, up and leave someone who's treated me with respect and who's only been trustworthy, based on some stranger's sayso - no matter how many photos she had. It does not work that way.
Load More Replies... I am not questioning the woman who showed up here to try and help the OP, but this just made me think about something. With generative AIs becoming more precise and more common, we'll probably come across realistically faked abuse scenes in the future because it's absolutely possible to fake a screaming voice or alter pictures to add bruises. It's kind of a worrisome thought because it'll make it much harder to differentiate truth from lie
Also, who's to say that she didn't start the fight and she only recorded him screaming because she pushed him off his limits?
Load More Replies... or how about have an adult conversation tell him exactly what you typed on here. Wait to see what he says if he denies it show him the things the EX showed you then make your decision like one of the other posts say all you know for sure is he yelled at her. His ex saying she was gonna take him to court but didn't have the money for a lawyer why take to court call the police with the "evidence". You were with him 5 years and not once did he act like his ex said its worth talking about to find out the truth.
Sounds kinda weird to me too. The two really need to talk, it's the only way to find out what happened here. I mean, it's absolutely possible that that girl was abusive too and he was defending himself, and now she's spiteful. Or that there was a real issue behind the problems. Or that the guy's having mental issues and is now on pills to stay in control. There are so many possibilities, but without asking, OP will never know the truth
Load More Replies...
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