Couples, RelationshipsOct 17, 2024 “He Told Me To Chill”: Woman Finds Out About BF’s New Work Friend, Messages Her In Secret Rokas Laurinavičius and Indrė Lukošiūtė Open list comments 17 Vote arrow up Vote arrow down 38 Open list comments 17 Checkmark Link copied! Share icon Share Checkmark Link copied! Share icon Share Modal close ADVERTISEMENT A relationship without trust is hardly a relationship at all. At best, it’s a misunderstanding. And at worst… Whatever the case might be, it’s a predicament that needs to be resolved. So when a woman who goes on Reddit by ThrowRA_unheardcat got a feeling that her boyfriend was cheating on her with a coworker, she decided to confront him.However, the man denied it and immediately shut down the discussion. But later, she found out the answer anyway just by looking at his phone.With so much of our time spent at work, having someone there who understands us can provide a lot of comfortShare icon Image credits: MART PRODUCTION / Pexels (not the actual photo)But this woman began to suspect that her boyfriend was getting a little too comfortable with his female colleagueShare icon Share icon Share icon ADVERTISEMENTShare icon Image credits: Ivan Samkov / Pexels (not the actual photo)ADVERTISEMENTShare icon Image credits: RDNE Stock project / Pexels (not the actual photo)Eventually, the boyfriend’s coworker replied to the woman’s textADVERTISEMENTAnd confirmed her suspicionsImage credits: ThrowRA_unheardcatFor most, what happened is a pretty clear caseWith the share of Americans who are single on the rise, YouGov recently asked Americans about their attitudes toward monogamy and their experiences with cheating or being cheated on by a partner.Three in four said they have been in a monogamous relationship at some point in their lives and 51% said they were at the time of the survey.While monogamy is generally understood as both people agreeing not to have any other partners, opinions on what constitutes infidelity vary.So YouGov also asked Americans which hypothetical actions they would consider cheating and saw the following: Having sex with another person (93%); Sending nude photos of themselves to another person (90%); Sending suggestive messages to another person (83%); Falling in love with another person (82%); Kissing another person (81%); Lying about spending time with another person (80%); Forming an intense emotional attachment to another person (73%); Holding hands with another person (64%); Flirting with another person (55%); Sharing your most private thoughts and feelings with another person (46%). As we can see, at least 8 in 10 people would consider that the woman’s boyfriend was unfaithful to her on at least a few different occasions.More than half (57%) of cheaters say that their partners found out about it. In most cases (71%), they did not want that to happen.Most people who were broken up with because they cheated appear to have been given a second chance: 58% of them say they eventually got back together with the person. Do you think the author of the post will do that too? Let us know in the comments what you think.ADVERTISEMENTAs the story went viral, its author joined the discussionADVERTISEMENTADVERTISEMENT Ic_polls Poll Question Thanks! Check out the results: Newsletter Subscribe to Access Exclusive Polls Subscribe By entering your email and clicking Subscribe, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. You are also agreeing to our Privacy Policy. Ic check outlined Thank you! You've successfully subscribed to newsletters! Anyone can write on Bored Panda. Start writing! Follow Bored Panda on Google News! Follow us on Flipboard.com/@boredpanda! Share on Facebook Rokas Laurinavičius Writer, BoredPanda staff View profile Read more » Rokas is a writer at Bored Panda with a BA in Communication. After working for a sculptor, he fell in love with visual storytelling and enjoys covering everything from TV shows (any Sopranos fans out there?) to photography. Throughout his years in Bored Panda, over 300 million people have read the posts he's written, which is probably more than he could count to. Read less » Rokas Laurinavičius Writer, BoredPanda staff Read more » Rokas is a writer at Bored Panda with a BA in Communication. After working for a sculptor, he fell in love with visual storytelling and enjoys covering everything from TV shows (any Sopranos fans out there?) to photography. Throughout his years in Bored Panda, over 300 million people have read the posts he's written, which is probably more than he could count to. Read less » View profile Indrė Lukošiūtė Author, BoredPanda staff View profile Follow Read more » I am a Visual editor at Bored Panda, I'm determined to find the most interesting and the best quality images for each post that I do. On my free time I like to unwind by doing some yoga, watching all kinds of movies/tv shows, playing video and board games or just simply hanging out with my cat Read less » Indrė Lukošiūtė Author, BoredPanda staff Read more » I am a Visual editor at Bored Panda, I'm determined to find the most interesting and the best quality images for each post that I do. On my free time I like to unwind by doing some yoga, watching all kinds of movies/tv shows, playing video and board games or just simply hanging out with my cat Read less » View profile Follow Show All Contributors Hide Contributors Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! Download Bored Panda app! What do you think ? Add photo comments POST lenka lenka Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 3 hours ago Dots Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017 Round attention Svg Vector Icons : http://www.onlinewebfonts.com/icon Report He is cheating and from the reddit post, looks like he has been doing so for at least a year. He is gaslighting and using DARVO. She needs to leave. Now. Vote comment up 7 7points Vote comment down reply Ace Ace Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 3 hours ago Dots Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017 Round attention Svg Vector Icons : http://www.onlinewebfonts.com/icon Report https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DARVO Vote comment up 4 4points Vote comment down reply Load More Replies... Diolla Diolla Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 35 minutes ago Dots Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017 Round attention Svg Vector Icons : http://www.onlinewebfonts.com/icon Report DARVO (an acronym for "deny, attack, and reverse victim & offender") is a reaction that perpetrators of wrongdoing, such as sexual offenders, may display in response to being held accountable for their behavior.[1] Some researchers indicate that it is a common manipulation strategy of psychological abusers.[2][3][4] Vote comment up 1 1point Vote comment down reply Crystal M Crystal M Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 2 hours ago Dots Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017 Round attention Svg Vector Icons : http://www.onlinewebfonts.com/icon Report Thank you! Vote comment up 0 0points Vote comment down reply Leslie D Leslie D Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 3 minutes ago Dots Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017 Round attention Svg Vector Icons : http://www.onlinewebfonts.com/icon Report Using something that is comparable to sexual assault is unacceptable DARVO is not what he is doing that's to sexual offenders what he is doing is toxic behavior Vote comment up 0 0points Vote comment down reply Happy_Pandalover Happy_Pandalover Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 4 hours ago Dots Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017 Round attention Svg Vector Icons : http://www.onlinewebfonts.com/icon Report She went by her gut feeling and unfortunately he actually tried to cheat on her. This Addy person seems plausible and honest. Asking him to show her his messages is invading his privacy though, so he had a reason to decline. However his reation was so totally overboard and suspicious. Vote comment up 5 5points Vote comment down reply KatSaidWhat KatSaidWhat Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 hours ago Dots Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017 Round attention Svg Vector Icons : http://www.onlinewebfonts.com/icon Report Thing is, if he didn't have anything to hide, he could have just shown her their message stream. But he did so he hid behind "invasion of privacy" and called her toxic. Vote comment up 9 9points Vote comment down reply Load More Replies... Trillian Trillian Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 3 hours ago Dots Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017 Round attention Svg Vector Icons : http://www.onlinewebfonts.com/icon Report Actually, I don't let anyone read my messages and I am hiding nothing. It's called privacy. And trust. That is not the problem. The problem started (and was obvious) when he pretended not to see her. Who does that when it's just a friendly hand out at work? Vote comment up 5 5points Vote comment down reply Ace Ace Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 hour ago Dots Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017 Round attention Svg Vector Icons : http://www.onlinewebfonts.com/icon Report It would never occur to me that my wife would want to read my messages, nor vice versa. (We know each others' phone passwords, so we can answer calls when the other one is busy, sorta thing) but it seems to me that even the desire to read your partner's messaged implies the relationship is already broken. You don't trust each other? You're never going to regain that trust just because you don't find any evidence that they're cheating. Vote comment up 1 1point Vote comment down reply BrownEyedPanda BrownEyedPanda Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 3 hours ago Dots Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017 Round attention Svg Vector Icons : http://www.onlinewebfonts.com/icon Report Good old-fashioned deflection. Vote comment up 4 4points Vote comment down reply BeesEelsAndPups BeesEelsAndPups Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 35 minutes ago Dots Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017 Round attention Svg Vector Icons : http://www.onlinewebfonts.com/icon Report I think the only correct reaction, while asserting your right to privacy would be something like "it really bothers me that you don't trust me, but to assuage your insecurity here is my phone, but I would like an apology when you realize I've done nothing wrong." That being said, I have an extra set of passwords for work apps, which I legally cannot share their content with people. Aside from that, I don't have any issue with letting my SO have total access to my phone, email, etc. Vote comment up 0 0points Vote comment down reply marcelo D. marcelo D. Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 hour ago Dots Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017 Round attention Svg Vector Icons : http://www.onlinewebfonts.com/icon Report unpopular opinion: The boyfriend is cheating and is an Ah, however, he is not wrong about her being toxic. She just happened to be right but "If you have nothing to hide why can´t he just show me" is literally the same defense they use to go over peoples right with the PATRIOT act and other b******t laws that demolish peoples rights, but they shouldn't worry about the invasion of privacy since they are not doing anything wrong. Vote comment up 3 3points Vote comment down reply Load More Comments POST lenka lenka Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 3 hours ago Dots Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017 Round attention Svg Vector Icons : http://www.onlinewebfonts.com/icon Report He is cheating and from the reddit post, looks like he has been doing so for at least a year. He is gaslighting and using DARVO. She needs to leave. Now. Vote comment up 7 7points Vote comment down reply Ace Ace Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 3 hours ago Dots Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017 Round attention Svg Vector Icons : http://www.onlinewebfonts.com/icon Report https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DARVO Vote comment up 4 4points Vote comment down reply Load More Replies... Diolla Diolla Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 35 minutes ago Dots Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017 Round attention Svg Vector Icons : http://www.onlinewebfonts.com/icon Report DARVO (an acronym for "deny, attack, and reverse victim & offender") is a reaction that perpetrators of wrongdoing, such as sexual offenders, may display in response to being held accountable for their behavior.[1] Some researchers indicate that it is a common manipulation strategy of psychological abusers.[2][3][4] Vote comment up 1 1point Vote comment down reply Crystal M Crystal M Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 2 hours ago Dots Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017 Round attention Svg Vector Icons : http://www.onlinewebfonts.com/icon Report Thank you! Vote comment up 0 0points Vote comment down reply Leslie D Leslie D Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 3 minutes ago Dots Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017 Round attention Svg Vector Icons : http://www.onlinewebfonts.com/icon Report Using something that is comparable to sexual assault is unacceptable DARVO is not what he is doing that's to sexual offenders what he is doing is toxic behavior Vote comment up 0 0points Vote comment down reply Happy_Pandalover Happy_Pandalover Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 4 hours ago Dots Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017 Round attention Svg Vector Icons : http://www.onlinewebfonts.com/icon Report She went by her gut feeling and unfortunately he actually tried to cheat on her. This Addy person seems plausible and honest. Asking him to show her his messages is invading his privacy though, so he had a reason to decline. However his reation was so totally overboard and suspicious. Vote comment up 5 5points Vote comment down reply KatSaidWhat KatSaidWhat Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 hours ago Dots Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017 Round attention Svg Vector Icons : http://www.onlinewebfonts.com/icon Report Thing is, if he didn't have anything to hide, he could have just shown her their message stream. But he did so he hid behind "invasion of privacy" and called her toxic. Vote comment up 9 9points Vote comment down reply Load More Replies... Trillian Trillian Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 3 hours ago Dots Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017 Round attention Svg Vector Icons : http://www.onlinewebfonts.com/icon Report Actually, I don't let anyone read my messages and I am hiding nothing. It's called privacy. And trust. That is not the problem. The problem started (and was obvious) when he pretended not to see her. Who does that when it's just a friendly hand out at work? Vote comment up 5 5points Vote comment down reply Ace Ace Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 hour ago Dots Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017 Round attention Svg Vector Icons : http://www.onlinewebfonts.com/icon Report It would never occur to me that my wife would want to read my messages, nor vice versa. (We know each others' phone passwords, so we can answer calls when the other one is busy, sorta thing) but it seems to me that even the desire to read your partner's messaged implies the relationship is already broken. You don't trust each other? You're never going to regain that trust just because you don't find any evidence that they're cheating. Vote comment up 1 1point Vote comment down reply BrownEyedPanda BrownEyedPanda Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 3 hours ago Dots Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017 Round attention Svg Vector Icons : http://www.onlinewebfonts.com/icon Report Good old-fashioned deflection. Vote comment up 4 4points Vote comment down reply BeesEelsAndPups BeesEelsAndPups Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 35 minutes ago Dots Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017 Round attention Svg Vector Icons : http://www.onlinewebfonts.com/icon Report I think the only correct reaction, while asserting your right to privacy would be something like "it really bothers me that you don't trust me, but to assuage your insecurity here is my phone, but I would like an apology when you realize I've done nothing wrong." That being said, I have an extra set of passwords for work apps, which I legally cannot share their content with people. Aside from that, I don't have any issue with letting my SO have total access to my phone, email, etc. Vote comment up 0 0points Vote comment down reply marcelo D. marcelo D. Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 1 hour ago Dots Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017 Round attention Svg Vector Icons : http://www.onlinewebfonts.com/icon Report unpopular opinion: The boyfriend is cheating and is an Ah, however, he is not wrong about her being toxic. She just happened to be right but "If you have nothing to hide why can´t he just show me" is literally the same defense they use to go over peoples right with the PATRIOT act and other b******t laws that demolish peoples rights, but they shouldn't worry about the invasion of privacy since they are not doing anything wrong. 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