Today, nearly a quarter of American mothers identify as stay-at-home-moms. Not all feel they are sacrificing a career to spend more time with their families, and others still are quite happy to rely on hubby to keep them financially afloat.

One such mom took to the internet to openly pity women who have to sacrifice their family time to work, citing her neighbor as one such example. She went on to ask if she was being unreasonable to find a man who can’t support his wife and kids unattractive. In the comments, netizens gave the woman somewhat of a lashing for her views.  

More info: Mumsnet

Not everyone can afford to be a stay-at-home-mom, but this woman can and she’s not shy to tell people about it

Image credits: Roberto Nickson / Unsplash (not the actual photo)

The woman asked if she was being unreasonable for finding a man who can’t support his wife and kids unattractive

Image credits: Jopwell / Pexels (not the actual photo)

She went on to openly pity a couple who live down her street because the mom has to work long hours and doesn’t get much quality time with her kids

Image credits: Arina Krasnikova / Pexels (not the actual photo)

The woman’s post got some not-so-positive feedback, forcing her to make it clear that she has no problem with women working

Image credits: sunshinesparklestar

The woman then explained that her original post wasn’t meant to put down women or men, but simply to state what she finds attractive in a partner

OP begins her post by asking the community whether or not she’s being unreasonable to find a man that can’t afford to support his wife and kids unattractive. She qualifies her question by stating she means earning enough that his wife doesn’t have to work if she doesn’t want to.

She goes on to say that she’s a stay-at-home-mom whose child has just started school and she’s been one since going on maternity leave. She adds that she has no plans to ever work again, and that her husband, who has his own business, earns enough to afford them a comfortable life.

OP then shares the opinion that she pities the couple who live in her neighborhood because the woman has to work long hours and doesn’t get to see her kids much. She concludes her original post by saying that she totally agrees with women working if they want to but can’t help but feel sorry for them. 

Netizens got their backs up at the woman’s piteous post, forcing OP to clarify her opinion by saying she fully supports working women and finds it empowering, but that, since she struggles with ADHD, holding down a job isn’t an option for her. She adds that what she can do incredibly well, though, is look after her husband, home, child, and pets. 

In her article for Quartz, Cassie Werber writes that almost a quarter of American mothers now identify as stay-at-home parents—a sharp rise from the 15% in 2022, according to a large survey of US women conducted by Motherly, an advocacy group.

Image credits: Vlada Karpovich / Pexels (not the actual photo)

The reasons people opt for full-time parenting over other arrangements are complicated, taking into account available childcare, specific children’s needs, money, and what kinds of work are available. Women are significantly less satisfied at work too, according to data released by the Conference Board, a business research organization.

That dissatisfaction is also made clear in Motherly’s parent-specific study. Answering the question “Which best describes your mentality around combining a career and motherhood under current circumstances?,” 25% of all women surveyed said they were “Frustrated—I want both but need a new arrangement at work to make that realistic.”

In her 2023 article for The Hill, Alejandra O’Connell-Domenech wrote that dads then made up 18% of stay-at-home parents, according to a Pew Research Center analysis. 

“The cost of childcare is really, really high and hard to get,” said Noelle Chesley, an associate professor of sociology at the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee. “So that’s going to force a lot of parents to do things that they wouldn’t have otherwise considered like having the man stay home.” 

In his article for Forbes, Jack Kelly writes that, according to the Pew Research Center, an estimated 2.1 million fathers were stay-at-home dads in 2021—up 8% since 1989. The increase is attributed, for the most part, to women outearning their male partners.

With the rise of flexible and remote work models, it’s also becoming more common for fathers to work from home and look after the kids, while still contributing to the family income, either through gig work or parent-friendly contracts. 

Bored Panda reached out to WebMD author Janie McQueen to get her take on the situation.

We asked her whether she thought stay-at-home moms have it easier than women who have to juggle their family with their career and she had this to say, “Well, what is easier depends. Some families struggle even with two incomes. Some come to the conclusion that childcare costs are even more than what one spouse earns, and it makes sense to “stay home”. I think “staying home” has changed, though — lots of people work from home or manage side-hustles from home.”

McQueen goes on to say, “As a writer, I fell into the “not worth it to work full time in journalism because childcare would be more expensive.” But it also suited me to be home with my children — and I added to the family income by freelance writing. I still work freelance from home and my kids are mostly grown.”

She adds, “Sometimes I’ve felt that it’s easier to be home — because I wanted to be. It certainly didn’t mean I was financially independent in any way. When my first husband and I divorced, I took a real income hit and was fortunate my lawyer ensured fair child support since I’d never been the primary breadwinner. I know many mothers who would be desperately unhappy to be at home. It could mean giving up a hard-earned career. Most jobs arguably can’t be done from home or on the side.”

We asked McQueen whether or not, in her experience, stay-at-home-moms seem more or less content than working moms.

She responded, “It all depends: Who’s the mom? What’s the career? What does she find fulfilling? To place pity on another woman for “having to” work could likely be emotionally unnecessary — you might not want to get to work early and bustle the kids to childcare, but it might be what she needs to be herself and realize her own potential. Either way, it’s good to be happy with your own life’s path.”

What do you think of OP’s opinion? Are you a stay-at-home parent, or do you plan to be? Let us know in the comments!

Netizens in the comments didn’t hold back, letting the woman know that not everyone has the luxury of a high income, and knocking her for her piteous stance on working women

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