The key to avoiding overwhelming anxiety before your wedding is to recognize the fact that, no matter what you do, you’ll probably end up disappointing some of your guests—and that this wouldn’t be the end of the world. However, some situations are so delicate that it helps to get an outsider’s perspective before making a decision.

That’s exactly what redditor u/IntrepidOffering did. The bride-to-be turned to the AITA online community for some advice. She’s unsure what to do because she wants her pets to be the flower girl and ring bearer at her wedding. However, she also doesn’t want to disappoint her ‘rainbow baby’ niece and nephew, whose mom wants them to take on those roles, either. Read on for the full story and the advice Reddit gave the OP. Bored Panda has reached out to u/IntrepidOffering and we’ll update the article as soon as we hear back from her.

Having your beloved pets play important roles in the wedding ceremony is a very interesting idea

Image credits: Lobachad (not the actual photo)

A bride-to-be turned to the internet for advice because she’s being forced to choose between her pets and her nephew and niece

Image credits: StudioPeace (not the actual photo)

Image credits: IntrepidOffering

‘Rainbow babies’ symbolize hope and healing, and are very special to the entire family

The OP’s situation is a difficult one. On the one hand, everyone should strive to be authentic and honest with themselves about what they truly want in life. And redditor u/IntrepidOffering notes that her dog Mika and cat Tibby are “like children” to her and her fiancé. The two pets supported them through some of the darkest periods of their lives.

On the other hand, many of us sincerely care about what our nearest and dearest—our family and friends—think about us and our decisions. Like it or not, many folks care about their reputations and want to impress others. It’s hard to say ‘no’ to someone close to you when they make a request. Especially when they apply a bit of emotional pressure.

The fact that the OP’s nephew and niece are both ‘rainbow babies’ makes everything a bit more nuanced. A ‘rainbow baby’ is a healthy baby born after a couple has lost a child due to miscarriage.

“The name ‘rainbow baby” comes from the idea of a rainbow appearing in the sky after a storm, or after a dark and turbulent time. The term has gained popularity on blogs and social media in recent years, and has come to symbolize hope and healing,” Healthline explains.

“A rainbow baby brings great joy after a very difficult time, and symbolizes hope and healing. But for parents who have experienced loss, rainbow babies are also treasured reminders. Even after safely delivering your rainbow baby, you can find ways to remember the child you lost. Eventually, sharing your story with your rainbow baby as they get older can be comforting,” Jane Chertoff writes on Healthline.

“As your rainbow baby grows, be sure to share your story with them. Let them know how special they are to you.”

Guilt-tripping the happy couple is only going to add more stress during the preparations for the big day

Image credits: Alex Green (not the actual photo)

And this lies at the core of the issue. ‘Rainbow babies’ really are special. Both to their parents and their entire social circle who have seen them wracked with grief due to loss. But as sensitive as this topic is, it’s impractical (and perhaps even slightly unfair) to put the kids’ wants and needs over absolutely everyone else’s.

The wedding happens to be the miracle babies’ aunt’s occasion. This does not mean that the kids should automatically play whatever prominent role their parents decide they should get during the event. Would it be a great gesture to have the twins be the flower girl and ring bearer? Absolutely!

However, the marrying couple prefers to have their pets have those roles—it is a very strong alternative that they’re seriously considering. One that they would prefer. And it makes sense to put the happy couple and their desires center stage, considering that it’s their wedding and all. Meanwhile, the twins have been invited as guests either way, and there are plenty of opportunities every single day to make them feel special. Weddings aren’t the only time that they can get the love, care, and attention they want and need.

At the end of the day, impossible to please everyone and to keep every tiny little emotional nuance in consideration. The happy couple have hundreds of things to keep in mind when organizing their wedding. And even though some decisions may be bigger than others, it doesn’t help when someone’s double-guessing them and adding more stress into the mix.

Weddings in the US cost an average of $29,000 in 2023

Image credits: TranStudios Photography & Video (not the actual photo)

The odds are that the marrying couple is under enough pressure as it is and does not need to deal with a guilt trip. One major worry that many couples are bound to have is purely financial. Or to put it bluntly: weddings are extremely expensive and every dollar matters.

The cost of an average wedding in the United States has now risen to $29,000, as reported by CNN, based on data compiled by Zola. In some bigger American cities, the average cost is over $35,000.

But if you happen to live in New York City, well, hang on to your tophat/wedding veil because a wedding in the Big Apple costs around $43,536 in 2023. The San Francisco-Oakland-San Jose area is in second place with $37,284, while not far behind are Boston ($35,902), Philadelphia ($34,111), Miami-Ft. Lauderdale ($33,622), Washington, DC ($33,199), Chicago ($32,281), and Los Angeles ($30,712).

The author of the post shared a few more insights in the comments

Most people were very supportive of the bride-to-be and were happy to share their thoughts on the situation

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