The answer to give when he asks where something is would be "It's where you left it". You are NTA

Someone in the Reddit comments points out that this is "strategic incompetence". It's been covered before - essentially boiling down to "if I do this really badly, she'll pick up the pieces and wont ask me to do it again". What's more concerning is a reply to this comment which says "other men have literally told me that they do this. If it's a men only convo and they don't realise that I'm gay, other men have literally tried to teach me how to fake incompetence at important tasks until the nearest woman takes over."

how can you even think you’re at fault in this situation?? your bf is acting like a toddler

We got a coffee machine. My boyfriend told my parents how great this machine was because it had enough water in it for 10-15 coffees... It made me so angry. From that moment I refused to fill it with water all the time and now he knows it's only enough for 3-4!!!

The bigger question is: why is she still with him?

Hmmmm.... perhaps he should live in a home as he would if he lived alone without a housekeeper, because he will be soon. This sounds like someone who hasn't had to face consequences. NTA.

DTMFA. This guy has no respect for you or for his home. You don't need this. If you stay with this idiot, then you are going to be his servant for the rest of your life. If you have kids, is he going to be leaving poopy diapers on the floor, or is he just going to let the baby go unchanged? ...///... You've talked about it. He knows what the problems are. He CHOOSES to be a slob, even knowing that it upsets you. This is just the beginning. Get out now and find yourself a grownup.

So many relationships the spouse ( often the woman) thinks they can change them. Once we get married he'll change or I can change him. No. It doesn't work that way. At 38 he is who he is and obviously has no intention of trying. It's also obvious that he has very little (no?) respect for you. You can have a relationship without some things, but you can't have a successful, happy one without respect. Please don't live in hope he'll change. He won't. Compromise? He doesn't know the meaning of the word. Do you and your life a big favor. Either you pack up and get the h€!! Out of there while you can. Or, you could take care of his stuff for him since he can't. Out it goes. Figure it out Mr. I dont know the complexities, but please find a way to get out now.

Man needs to grow up, and act like a man. Woman should run far away from him.

Definitely NTA. But that being said, why is one person doing the grocery shopping and also expected to put it all away? Maybe there's a place to start a discussion about partnership there. Grocery shopping can be completely exhausting, especially wearing a mask. When I shop, my partner does the bulk of the putting away when I get back, and vice versa. We're real adults so also check the use by dates and plan the week's meals accordingly, but that took a while to get into a habit.

I was hoping this story ended something like, "So I broke up with him and moved out because I realized I didn't want to be with a man-boy."

Should we start taking bets on how many months before OP says "f**k it" and moves out? I'm going for 1 and a half. Who's with me? :-P

Ugh, my husband has the bad habit of putting things DOWN instead of AWAY. Then he bitches that the house is a cluttered mess. Nah, dude, it's just your stuff. My stuff ALWAYS goes back to its place.

Do you want to live with a man or with a forever-teenager? (ie, do you want to be treated like a woman or like a mum/maid).

ESH, though him moreso. If this is causing so much strife, and he's not willing to adjust his behavior, you should be looking at leaving not just trying to train him like some pet. A relationship only works if BOTH people are invested in it, in improving themselves, in cooperation, and most importantly in two-way conversation. He's the AH because he's clearly not invested, and YTA because you think you can force change on a person. Leave the AH and find someone better for you.

The chicken "incident" is really concerning... I wonder if we are just getting half the story. Leaving chicken out in the hopes your SO will take care of it in times is ridiculous.

THe OP is still with this guy??? Wake up to the immaturity and his need for a momager and get the hell out of there

Why are some men so completely inept?!

He isn't going to change. Live with it or show him the door.

This BS has been called several things, but the one I hear most ofter is "weaponized incompetence". He is intentionally screwing stuff up so you'll either pick up his stuff behind him, or at the very least, stop complaining about it. Give him back to mommy and daddy because either they did not do their job properly, or he is defective, or both...NTA.

TLDR; but as far as roles go: Don't pay bills? Cook and clean. Pay 50/50? Cook and clean 50/50.

I 63m had some friends like that growing up and there was always a common theme! They learned that behavior from their father and/or a mom that enabled it by tolerating it. I'm guessing he doesn't put his dirty laundry where it belongs either. If that's the case, stop doing his laundry if it's not where it belongs. Let him spend his money on a wash and fold service at a laundromat. He is getting annoyed because he expects her to act like his mom and probably 100% believes she is at fault. He is unlikely to change and may even start some new petty passive-aggressive behaviors. She doesn't need to fix him, she needs a replacement for him.

Needs to get to a point where this turnip is told I am not your f*****g mother! Smarten up or get out! Life is too short for stupid!!!!! People need to realize, an equal partnership is where its at!!!!!!! Why would you settle for less than that?

I would like to see what he did with the missing toilet paper roll. Did he find a roll and used it and then returned it back to where it was so there was again no toilet paper at the toilet? Does he play the same game as his wife? I would say a normal person would notice the first time the cat food wasn't at the correct shelf and changed their behavior. I agree with others here that this guy is probably a lost cause.NTA of course

I (52, f) live with two brothers (59 + 56) and my son (22) in a house. I do most of the housework as I am not a professional ... however I refuse to clean up after them like they are kids. I once hung up a note in the bathroom, telling that they have to use the toilet brush if necessary ... and that the toilet paper doesn't magically go into the bathroom by itself, when the roll is empty. I don't know how my mother managed to stay sane, when I was little. I have 5 older brothers ... and at some point, we all lived in the house!

Damn and you haven't left that lazy bastard yet? I'm a dude and I don't stand for that crap

How does he does things at his job?

Did he do this when he was single?

Of course conversation is always preferable. However, if you have discussed this with him and he persist, then yeah, you are no TA. The grocery and tp thing he needs to grow out of. You could also start taking photos of where he left things.

She's absolutely NTA here. No one taught him to put things back where they belong when he was a child? Not her problem - she's not his mother. He'll have to learn the hard way, and if he can't deal with that, then see ya, Jack.

He obviously had his mother constantly pick up after him when he lived at home and wasn't taught that the whole world wasn't put here to run around after him. You are not his mother or his maid. You are also NTA. He needs to learn this. Keep doing what you are doing and maybe one day he'll learn. He definitely needs to.