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“Am I A Jerk For Making My Parents Choose Between My Sister Going To Jail Or Replacing My Car With Their Vacation Money”
Most of the time, sibling rivalry is nowhere near what it’s like on TV. It’s usually far more mundane, petty, and emotionally draining. The sad reality is that just because someone’s related to you by blood, it doesn’t automatically make them a saint: trust and respect still need to be earned. It’s harsh. But it’s important to recognize this fact.
Redditor u/Spirited_Boat_6380 shared a sensitive story with the AITA community, asking them for advice. The woman, who still lives with her parents, shared how her older sister had stolen and completely wrecked her car. Furious, the author of the post turned to her parents and gave them an ultimatum.
The redditor’s story went viral almost instantly. You’ll find the full, unabridged version below, Pandas. Once you’ve read it in full, share your thoughts about the entire drama in the comments. What would you have done if you were in the OP’s shoes? How would you have reacted if you saw your car totaled?
RELATED:
A woman opened up about how her older sister stole her keys and completely wrecked her car
Image source: Johannes Blenke (not the actual photo)
Furiuos, she decided that the best way forward was an ultimatum. Read on for the full story
Image source: Alena Darmel (not the actual photo)
Image source: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)
The young woman later updated her post for the AITA community
Image source: Spirited_Boat_6380
The author of the post shared a bit of context about her sister, who “has a lot of problems,” is “chronically unemployed and […] a thief.”
Having broken up with her boyfriend, the older sibling came over to stay with their parents. Meanwhile, the younger sibling, the author of the AITA post, had been firmly set against this decision. She could sense trouble was brewing. Lo and behold, her intuition proved to be right.
One day, after school, she came back home to find her car “absolutely trashed and the side of it destroyed.”
“My sister had gone into my room, found my spare key and taken my car. Then lost control on the ice after a day of eating crap and tossing fast food wrappers everywhere. She sideswiped a tree,” redditor u/Spirited_Boat_6380 explained.
Angry beyond belief, the redditor did what anyone would: she demanded that her wrecked car be paid for. However, her sister didn’t have any money. So the OP gave her parents an ultimatum. Either she files a police report about her sister so that she can get insurance to fix or replace the vehicle, or her parents had better cough up the cash themselves. They used their Disney World vacation fund to get her a new car.
In an update, the OP noted that her parents finally installed a deadbolt on her room door. Something that would’ve prevented the entire expensive drama in the first place.
It is absolutely essential to have clear and healthy boundaries in all aspects of your life. The most obvious areas are school and work and dealing with strangers. It’s usually very clear when someone goes over the line, and you can quickly reestablish your boundaries with just a few words or a friendly chat.
However, when it comes to our family members, things can get messy. And emotional. Most people are used to giving their relatives more leeway than they would, say, their coworkers or friends. And enforcing your personal boundaries can become tough because “they’re family!”
But if you don’t do that, if you don’t clarify when a loved one does something that you find to be completely inappropriate, you can’t expect their behavior toward you to change. Their behavior has to have consequences; you have to follow through.
Family dynamics tend to vary very much, so there’s no clear-cut answer on how to deal with disagreements. There are usually very subtle nuances and long-lived grudges at play that an outsider might not notice. Family counseling can help. As can a family meeting where everyone can freely express their thoughts and feelings.
Unfortunately, not everyone will want to ‘play ball.’ Some family members will be toxic, no matter how much you want them to change, and no matter how much help you give them. Change comes from within. And until that moment of clarity arrives, it’s best to simply avoid dealing with them at all if they’re truly making your life miserable.
Just because someone’s technically family doesn’t mean that you should sacrifice your wealth and happiness to enable their bad habits. Yes, we’re all born into a family; but we also choose who becomes our family later on.
Though, keep in mind that there’s always at least one ray of hope for change. Even if you have major fallings out with your relatives, you might find that you can (re)establish healthy and positive relationships with them in the future. People do change. Though it takes time, effort, and a willingness to admit to past mistakes.
She also shared a lot more details about what happened and her family in the comments of her post
What do you think ?
Seabeast 2 years ago
Immature parents. She's probably been expected to parent them from a young age.
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Trillian 2 years ago
A bit off topic but what is it with kids not being allowed to lock their own doors? I get it as long as they are very small, but teenagers? Is that a thing?
crowspectre (he/they) 2 years ago
My house is ancient and none of the locks have keys, so i can't lock my door, but they always knock and wait for me to reply before coming in. Unfortunately, some parents think that since they had the kid, that kid's life is theirs and they should be privy to everything that happens in it.
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Amused panda 2 years ago
NTA, sister committed theft, parents were given a choice of two options yet thought a third option of lying to the insurers was preferable? Isn't that insurance fraud the parents were wanting OP to commit?!? If the grandmother's name was on the title of the old car, she could have reported the theft herself, so that OP didn't have to, so the fact they demanded alternative recourse suggests that getting the older granddaughter in trouble with the police didn't sit well with them either. OP says that the sister had been eating c**p and fast food - no mention of drink/drugs - so it sounds like it was a genuine accident on the ice...had it been under the influence I would have said she should have strongly considered reporting it regardless. But if I was OP, I would invest in a second security camera in case sister gets in again and trashes the first one which she knows exists thanks to OP showing her the footage.
Mary Rogers 2 years ago (edited)
OP said they didn't use the insurance and instead paid for the new car from their vacation fund/graduation gift.
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Seabeast 2 years ago
Immature parents. She's probably been expected to parent them from a young age.
Load More Replies... Trillian 2 years ago
A bit off topic but what is it with kids not being allowed to lock their own doors? I get it as long as they are very small, but teenagers? Is that a thing?
crowspectre (he/they) 2 years ago
My house is ancient and none of the locks have keys, so i can't lock my door, but they always knock and wait for me to reply before coming in. Unfortunately, some parents think that since they had the kid, that kid's life is theirs and they should be privy to everything that happens in it.
Load More Replies... Amused panda 2 years ago
NTA, sister committed theft, parents were given a choice of two options yet thought a third option of lying to the insurers was preferable? Isn't that insurance fraud the parents were wanting OP to commit?!? If the grandmother's name was on the title of the old car, she could have reported the theft herself, so that OP didn't have to, so the fact they demanded alternative recourse suggests that getting the older granddaughter in trouble with the police didn't sit well with them either. OP says that the sister had been eating c**p and fast food - no mention of drink/drugs - so it sounds like it was a genuine accident on the ice...had it been under the influence I would have said she should have strongly considered reporting it regardless. But if I was OP, I would invest in a second security camera in case sister gets in again and trashes the first one which she knows exists thanks to OP showing her the footage.
Mary Rogers 2 years ago (edited)
OP said they didn't use the insurance and instead paid for the new car from their vacation fund/graduation gift.
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