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Woman Crochets A Blanket For 900 Hours As A Gift For Friend’s Son, He Gives it Back To Her, The Internet Is Divided
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Woman Crochets A Blanket For 900 Hours As A Gift For Friend’s Son, He Gives it Back To Her, The Internet Is Divided

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We all know it feels better to give than receive. But sometimes, gift-giving can be a blessing and a curse all at the same time. It brings us great joy to please someone with a lovely surprise, especially when we create that specific item with our own two hands. But equally, it can cause a lot of stress and pressure to find just the right thing the receiver wants and needs.

Still, we clearly anticipate a delighted response to our efforts. And then feel deeply disappointed when we get anything but. So when Twitter user Danielle Candela recently shared how her friend’s son rejected his 21st birthday gift — a crocheted blanket that took her over 900 hours and $120 to craft — the story immediately split the internet.

The 68-year-old woman still working full-time felt hurt seeing her work taken for granted, but people online seemed to have mixed opinions. Read on to learn more about the incident and the reactions it received from readers. Then be sure to decide where you land on the matter and weigh in on the discussion in the comments!

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    After her friend’s son rejected a crochet gift blanket she made, this 68-year-old woman turned to Twitter to share her disappointment

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    Candela’s post caused quite a stir on Twitter with people jumping at the chance to share their opinions. Many people expressed support for the woman and felt deeply appalled by how her friend’s son handled the situation. Some readers offered kind words and even chimed in with their own experiences. And others said there’s always a risk that a person will reject the gift if you don’t ask about their preferences beforehand. And if the recipient is not a fan of crochet blankets, it simply won’t work for them.

    Surprisingly, this thread gained so much attention that it spread to other platforms, too. It was picked up by a member of the ‘Crochet’ subreddit, stuckwitharmor, who shared the woman’s story with the community.

    “Personally, I think if you make a gift, you make it with your own time, effort and motivation,” the user wrote. “The receiver is not obliged to love it just because you spent a long time and a lot of effort on it.”

    Her post sparked a heated discussion about gift-giving online, where the vast majority of commenters were appalled by the young man’s entitlement

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    It’s no secret that gift-giving can be a powerful tool in bringing two people together. But it can also drive them apart. So what exactly makes it such a tricky matter of business?

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    Whether it’s having doubts about what to get, not knowing the person well, or coming from completely different backgrounds — thinking of something special to give a particular person can often feel like navigating a minefield, to begin with.

    And let’s not forget about the financial burden. Understandably, gifts are all about the thought, not the dollar amount. But as it turns out, people are so eager to celebrate birthdays and other celebrations that they’re ready to spend lavishly — and even go into debt.

    A survey by online loan marketplace LendingTree questioned more than 1,000 US consumers about their spending on gifts. It found that 45% of participants admitted to paying more than they can afford because they wanted to impress the recipient. In fact, the survey revealed that spending on birthday gifts was the highest, and it even surpassed milestones like weddings and graduations.

    Over half of consumers felt pressured to buy a birthday gift at some point. Another 39% reported typically paying between $100 and $499 for gifts for others’ celebrations in a year, while 18% said they tend to spend between $500 and $999.

    Fellow knitters and crocheters also chimed in with similar experiences

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    As you’ve noticed from Candela’s story and the support it received from the internet, seeing your gift getting rejected is upsetting. And this is especially true when the giver has spent a fair amount of time, money, and energy procuring it. But according to a blog post on Beezzly, etiquette rules agree on how to handle these situations. See, there is only one thing you can do when someone says “no, thank you” — to accept the return.

    You should do it calmly, without confrontation, and without any argument. Naturally, your emotions may rise, but speaking in a gentle tone can go a long way. You may also ask the reason they are giving the item back, and if it all falls down to misunderstanding, you can try to ask them to reconsider it.

    But if the person is still refusing, that should be the end. “There is no sense to push the person further. Just stay calm, say OK and move on. Think of the process of gift giving as something that is not about you or me, but as something that is about them.”

    Other readers shared positive stories about how people were grateful to accept gifts

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    We previously had a chat with Jeff Galak, an associate professor of marketing at Carnegie Mellon University’s Tepper School of Business and co-author of a study called Why Certain Gifts Are Great to Give but Not to Get, who was more than happy to talk about gift-giving struggles and how a bad present can affect the bond between people.

    Galak explained to Bored Panda that givers mainly focus on the moment of gift exchange, whereas recipients primarily think about how valuable the object will be once owned. So when it comes to choosing unfit gifts for others, the professor said that mistakes usually occur because givers don’t ask recipients what they want. “There’s an odd cultural taboo that exists which makes people uncomfortable asking someone what kind of gift they want. But that taboo is entirely inappropriate.”

    “Gift recipients know what they want and they are eager to tell gift-givers. There is nothing wrong with sharing that information and there’s nothing wrong with asking for it,” Galak added.

    According to the professor, even though we believe our efforts are well thought-out, an unwanted gift can cause tension between the two people. “If a giver gives a gift that isn’t well received, there is a chance that the relationship will be strained. Gifts act as a social lubricant that signals care for another person… but that is undermined when the gift is bad.”

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    Of course, there is one way to avoid finding ourselves in these kinds of situations. “Just ask! The easiest way to give a good gift is to ask someone what they want. People appreciate the fact that they are being asked as that signals that the giver really wants to give something that is well-liked,” he explained.

    Ultimately, it all comes down to communication. Everyone has a different relationship with the birthday star, and each situation is different, but it’s important to talk over the situation and determine what works best for you. We’d love to hear your opinions on the matter down below. Do you think people should accept gifts no matter what? Or is it appropriate to stand your ground and reject it if you’re not a fan? Feel free to share your thoughts below in the comments!

    And some users said the receiver is not obliged to love the present, and called out the woman for forcing her craft on people

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    Ieva Gailiūtė

    Ieva Gailiūtė

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    Ieva is a writer at Bored Panda who graduated in Scandinavian studies from Vilnius University. After learning the Swedish language and getting completely lost in the world of Scandinavian mythology, she figured out that translating and writing is what she's passionate about. When not writing, Ieva enjoys making jewelry, going on hikes, reading and drinking coffee.

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    Ieva Gailiūtė

    Ieva Gailiūtė

    Author, Community member

    Ieva is a writer at Bored Panda who graduated in Scandinavian studies from Vilnius University. After learning the Swedish language and getting completely lost in the world of Scandinavian mythology, she figured out that translating and writing is what she's passionate about. When not writing, Ieva enjoys making jewelry, going on hikes, reading and drinking coffee.

    Austėja Akavickaitė

    Austėja Akavickaitė

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    Austėja is a Photo Editor at Bored Panda with a BA in Photography.

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    Austėja Akavickaitė

    Austėja Akavickaitė

    Author, Community member

    Austėja is a Photo Editor at Bored Panda with a BA in Photography.

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    Andy
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Was going to comment on the friend, however then got to the comments (in the story) and more shocked by the basic lack of manners and spoiled attitude of a lot of these people. By all means you do not have to like a gift, but you smile, say thank you and then stick it in a drawer or cupboard until you have a clear out. To say that she was trying to manipulate people or that they were right to rudely reject it to make a point that she was wrong to give them that gift just come accross as awful, entitled people who have no regard for other people's feelings

    susan turer
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Exactly, the blanket was not the only gift she gave him. So if he didn't like it just say thank you for gifts and give the one you do not like away. There is no reason to return a gift you do not like, just pass it on to a charity or something. My issue with many of the responses is that manners and kindness should not be forgotten and all right to give up on if you did not ask for or want something. It takes so little time to show and say thank you (especially to a friend or family member), then you are free to do as you will with the gifts.

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    MiriPanda
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I fully understand the hurt and personally would have kept it in a heartbeat, but am I the only one to find a crocheted blanket a little strange gift for a 21 year old young man? 🤔 (I don't return gifts unless it's a size or duplicate issue as those can easily be fixed and don't hurt anybodys feelings).

    Nathan Wolfe
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In winter, a crocheted blanket is a perfect supplement to any blanket. Adds weight, holds heat, but is breathable. I'm 29 and if someone gifted me a hand crocheted blanket, I'd likely break down and ball my eyes out. I haven't had one since my dog shredded the last one my great grandma made me before she passed.

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    Deborah B
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I craft. It's expensive and time consuming, and I do it for me. Other people are not obligated to like it, or want it. Putting 900 hours into a blanket and expecting someone else to value it as highly as you do is setting yourself up for disappointment. If you are going to do a gift for someone, FFS ask what they would like. Saying "I would love to crochet a blanket for your son, do you think he would like that? Is there something else he'd like better?" Would have been polite and sensible. He's 21 - it's more likely than not that this blanket is not to his taste, and he may even be uncomfortable that a woman his mom's age is giving him handcrafts that she spent 900 hours on.

    Joseph Miller
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He should have just been a man and return it himself. He softer than that blanket he had his mommy return.

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    Kitty Jordan
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    1. Omg, black velvet yarn?! I crochet and that's a horrible thing to work with. 2. The people defending the son... no. Even if it's not your style, you do NOT get to be rude about it. You thank the person for the gift, then quietly give it away. Returning it but keeping the cash because he only accepts "Designer gifts" (was the cash designer?) is rude as all get out. I fully understand that not everything is to someone's tastes, and they have a right to give it away. I crochet and I've made gifts that were appreciated, and some that I'm pretty sure were given away. That's fine. The recipient at least appreciated the time and effort that went into it. It boggles me that anyone could think being that rude is okay.

    ewa
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We don't even know if he was rude though - no direct words from the young man

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    Kim Lorton
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When I worked as a home Hospice nurse, i had a patient that crocheted so beautifully and fast! When I met her she was so sickly. She took an upswing for 6 weeks and crocheted like crazy for her family. I worked with her to help with her final release, so she would not be afraid when death happened. About halfway through the six month mark, she wanted to make me an afghan. She said to pick my colors a d she made me the most beautiful afghan! A grey blue dark and a dark dusty rose color. I cherish it. She taught me how to crochet also. When she passed, she gracefully left me all her yarn! I had no idea until her husband called me. So i went over there and she had an entire small walk in closet filled with yarn! There was no way to use it all, so i donated a great deal of it to a group of women who made afghans for veterans, children in the hospital, other hospice patients. It went to a great cause and they were able to make so many for everyone to have!

    Violet Jensen
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Oh my god this isn’t Gen Z vs. Boomer. I’m Gen Z and knit a bunch of scarves for friends who “wished they had a handmade scarf 😉”. None of them ever wore them

    Lavender Oak
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm a millennial (35) and I've been crocheting since my 20s, knitting a few years now too. Anyone throwing "boomer" around this topic is deeply out of touch. Crochet has exploded with Gen Z right now.

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    Casey McAlister
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I mean, before throwing a whole lot of money and time into a gift, make sure it's something this person would like to have. Not everybody wants a blanket, besides maybe they won't like the color scheme and pattern - there are a lot of things that can go wrong. Personally, I wouldn't really like my birthday gift to be black and vapour gray, that's too gloomy, nobody died, we are celebrating my birthday. Such things should be done by request, otherwise there is a high risk everybody will end up disappointed: they because they got something they don't like and you because your hard work wasn't appreciated. That's being said, if you receive a gift you don't like, you always can just smile, say thank you and put it away somewhere. Telling the person who made the gift that you only want designer blankets is weird and rather uncalled of.

    Purple light
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why the down votes? Your answer is nuanced and has a good critique of both sides.

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    Donna Brown
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The friend is not a friend. If she were, she would have shown some appreciation for your effort. She should have just kept the blanket and said nothing about her son’s attitude. She is raising a brat who is going to be trouble in the future, if he is not already trouble. Friends don’t make other friends feel bad. Friends lift each other up. Find another friend.

    Wood Carver
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As an avid crafter, with a small side quest making wood leather and metal crafts I can confidently say my work isn't everyone's style. I ask if people like anything I've made or if they express excitement for one piece vs another, however my work is pretty my style, which is not Abercrombie by any means. I would not be offended if anyone said it's not my style. That being said, I'd not have started it without confirming you want it, even for a Christmas gift. It takes money and more costly time to make these things but the making is for me, so the recipient is only obligated as far as any normal gift, not to lavish me with praise because it was more work than shopping... nor less because it was made not bought. It is a gift, we have social norms for accepting them. Your friend sucks for returning a gift, and for telling you why. You suck for acting like he did anything worse than say that target duvet is not my style... he didn't ask you for 900 hours of your time

    Minath
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I wonder if the son even saw the blanket, it could have been the co-worker deciding that the son wouldn't want it. They could have just said thank you and donated it, there was no need to be so rude, especially when there was $121 included with the gift.

    Michelle A
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Bet he would have taken a blanket emblazoned with LV or Gucci. Unless he lives in a place that never gets the least bit chilly...he'll need a blanket or two. Im going with what his mom said here..its Not that he didnt like the blanket, it wasnt "designer". Folks done turned a womans nice gesture into an evil deed. You would swear she kicked some puppies. "Off with her head!" *eye roll*

    Quinn Merrill
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is a common topic on Crafter Facebook pages. People find their gifts on the floor of the laundry room for tbe dog to sleep on. I'm happy this lady got her blanket returned and donated it to a veteran. Win/Win. I currently crochet small blankets for adopted cats and kittens at a local rescue. Each adopted kitty gets on for their carrier. The rescue place supplies me with donated yarn. There are many places who would loved crocheted or knitted items. My mother received a donated Prayer Shawl when in the hospital. She wore it out. Project Linus makes blankets for kids in hospitals. Many crafting groups knit and crochet hats and mittens for kids in need. Not everyone is unappreciative. Find an outlet who will welcome your lovely work with open arms.

    Ari Keeper
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I received a Prayer Shawl in the hospital; it meant so much to me + I still have it.

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    rumade
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm an artist and crafter, and sat on my bed right now with a crochet blanket I made myself, and I side with the people in the latter part of this article. You are BONKERS to spend that much time and resources on someone you do not know well enough to know whether they would like a handmade gift. Especially something like a crochet blanket, which always *looks* handmade, is heavy and difficult to wash. Unless he had seen another one you had made and said "oh I'd love one!" you never should have made in the first place. You're not his Grammy.

    David Taylor
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Completely agree, I've had gifts made for me that im sure took a lot of time effort and skill, but not something I would like in the slightest. I would say thats lovely thankyou etc even though the gifts were not my thing, this then encouraged said crafters to make me more of this stuff putting in me in the position of either xoming clean that I lied and think the stuff is hideous or having to stockpile all this stuff but making sure its visable when they visited. You can't win in that situation.

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    Ba-Na-Na
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Alright- 21 or not, a blanket will ALWAYS come in handy at some point in that kids’ life….college, first apartment/home etc. The OP should know though, as with selling or gifting homemade crafts-you can’t expect people to appreciate the effort, nor can you charge for your time. The only ones who “get it” are a few kind hearted people and fellow crafters. Those are the breaks

    Kristie French
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don’t crochet, but my mom does constantly. She’s very gifted at it. She has made some very intricate, beautiful, California king sized afghans, but I’ve never known of her taking 900 hours to make one. Working on it 8 hours a day, with weekend off, that’s half a year. Either this OP is very slow at crocheting, or this is an extreme exaggeration.

    Violet Smith
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As a crocheter, I just have to say "900 hours!?" I get that it's a bigger blanket, but that number still seems way too high. But then again, maybe she's a very slow crocheter. I've learned over the years that putting so much effort into a homemade thing is really a c**p-shoot; you have no idea whether the recipient will like or use the final product. It's better to tell the person that you'd like to make them something, ask what they want/need (hat? scarf? mitts?) and what colours and fibres they prefer (some people cannot wear wool). It's less of a surprise for them, but less wasted effort on your part. As for the manners aspect of all this, I was always taught from early childhood that when you get a gift, you smile graciously and say thank you no matter whether you love it or not.

    Craig Reynolds
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What I just wonder is why she would make something that takes a huge amount of time and effort for a friend's son without even mentioning it to her friend. I imagine if she had mentioned it, the friend would have told her not to do it and her self-inflicted hurt could have been avoided. I also think the friend could have handled it better.

    Sue B
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We really don't know if she mentioned it to her son. Maybe she did and didn't like the results. As for the time, maybe crocheting with velvet takes a much longer time than regular yarn. Idk

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    Wicked Moon216
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The problem really is the "friend". She didn't have to give it back. Even if she gave it back and said "you were incredibly thoughtful, and put in so much time, but he is a 21 year old man who doesn't appreciate it, either I can give it back to you and you can find someone who will appreciate all the love and time you put into this, or I can donate it to a charity that you feel strongly about". But just to handle it so rudely! Personally, I would be SO incredibly touched, and felt so loved if someone made something just for me!!! I have these old crocheted Christmas stockings that my husbands aunt made for us before our girls were born because I have one from when I was growing up, and I said I wanted more of them for my husband and future children. Every year when I pull them out of my Christmas decorations I smile, and I'm so incredibly thankful that someone put in the time, effort and love just for something that I wanted.

    Pavlina G
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I know I am in the minority here. Full disclosure, I am a artist. I crochet, sew, and make jewelry. I make things for my immediate family, and I sell a few things here and there. I would never make someone a blanket without some input on style, color choice, pattern, fiber content in etc. Handmade gifts come with a big helping of personal feelings. When you give a handmade gift, you expect the person to love it, but you can't control how they actually feel about it.

    Mer☕️🧭☕️
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That blanket is art made with love. Sounds like the vet who gets no visitors would be a more worthy friend.

    Anony Mouse
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I am skeptical about this story. 900 hours? I'm not doubting that a skillful craftsperson would take that kind of time, but without knowing in advance that it would be appreciated? And then the kicker - donating it to a disabled veteran who also didn't get any visitors? I am having a hard time believing this person took a break from polishing their halo to tweet this.

    Malina1606
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I understand she was hurt and I really think the friend and her son should have chosen their words more carefully. But if it was me I wouldn't want my friend to smile and say "thanks" and hate my gift in silence. I expect my friends to tell me the truth, even if it's uncomfortable. I actually had this situation with a friend years ago and after a moment of disappointment I was grateful for her honesty. It made me trust her more. Btw I crotchet a lot and I offer my creations to my friends or ask if I can make something for them (except for small pieces, they are fine as a surprise). I find it much easier this way.

    Sigrún Hlín
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If I've spent a lot of time on something I'm proud of, I would rather get it back so that I can give it to someone who appreciates it.

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    Robyn Ward
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Does the "entitled friend's son" not know THIS IS a designer product? You designed it and made it. One of a kind because no two people crochet/knit/sew/create the same and how does he think designers get their products? Machines think for themselves?

    Nightshade1972
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The OP says that her friend handed her back the gift, claiming that her son didn't like it. If they (both ladies) have been friends that long that she's known Son his whole life, I'd have asked him directly. I can't help but think that OP's alleged "friend' thought the afghan was ugly, and never bothered passing it on to Son. It may well be that Friend is the ungrateful one, not her son.

    Ann Marie
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It can be risky to give something to decorate with under any circumstances. Do the colors/pattern go with their decor and furniture? Is it to their taste? I don't want hand painted inspirational plaques, wreathes, knickknacks, etc. I have enough as it is. I don't need another afghan or handmade ceramics. Unless I collect a specific item, please don't add to it. Handmade gifts I love getting are things like cookies, caramel corn, a bag of homemade noodles, crocheted or knit potholders, dishcloths. Spending so much time on a blanket was a generous and kind act of love. The only problem was it was for a 21 year old man who didn't know what to do with it. Returning it was probably the best thing he could do. Considering the time and effort you put into it, it would have been sad to just hide it away. This way, You can gift it to someone who you know will love it!. However, the return should have been handled more graciously.

    EM
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Unless I know a person well enough to know they will love an item in making them, I always ask first... and I ALWAYS get their color preferences, or have them pick out a yarn color in a ruse that I'm making somethjng for skmeone else. Regardless of the time spent crafting the item, or its value, the recipient should always be grateful. Everyone LOVES to give gifts to a GRATEFUL-hearted person. Wait a few days, say the gift isnt working for your space, or you might be allergic to the yarn and ask the giver if they would like it to gift to someone else, or if they would mind if you passed it on. Lord... people need to act with common decency AND common sense. Why offend someone who has given you a gift by being offensive in your manner and speech. A gift doesnt have to be LOVED to be appreciated for what the gift truly is: a person(s) extending themselves toward you with love and kindness. That is the real gift!!! Accept it with a full heart!!

    Philenzortia
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A friend knitted for a me a mermaid blanket for my birthday a few years ago! It is not as amazing as some that I've seen online, but mine is much more gorgeous because she knitted specially for me, and no one else has a blanket like mine ❤️. The OP friend is an awful human being, if someone gives you something purchased or handmade, and you don't like it just say thank you with the best poker face you have. There's no need to break someone else's feelings! Edited: Spelling

    Candice Cook
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's really strange to me that so many people have the attitude of "don't buy gifts people might not like"...like what? How difficult is it graciously accept whatever you're given whether you like it or not? There are grandmas everywhere knitting ugly sweaters as I write this that would be absolutely devastated if this happened to them. It's ungrateful and disrespectful. If you don't like a gift...give it away, toss it, regift it, anything other than taking a dump on the feelings of a person that cares about you enough to give you a gift. Sheesh.

    Mira Loran
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If the kid really s**t on the gift, that's rude of him but gifts aren't about you, it's about the receiver. There's something to be said about someone who gives gifts but has zero idea about or care about the recipient's taste. I love giving gifts and people often praise me on it because I'm good at it. I actually care about what they want. I don't give gifts based on what I would like or my subjective tastes. I listen to what people say and observe what they gravitate to which enables me to select great gifts without needing to ask outright. I WANT them to love it so I work to pick something they'll want. If I didn't know them well then I would ask. I'm an artist, I don't paint for people who aren't into art. I don't make clothes for people who aren't into fashion. And I wouldn't crochet for people who aren't into crochet.

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    Linnoff
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    First, always be kind and gracious when receiving a gift. Even if it's not for you, that person still gave you something. That said, it would be great if we could normalize graciously declining gifts. As for crafters (and I say this as one myself) while a surprise can be nice, the best responses I've gotten from people are when I ask for their input first so it can really be tailored to them.

    Okiedokie
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I too sleep under a blanket. I know, shocking, I should have given it up for sleeping blanketless once I came of age, letting the frigid winter air/air conditioner blast into the gaps of my flannel PJS, but alas, I cannot be weaned. This 21 year old is clearly more of a man than me. If some kind person made me a blanket, I would send them back a painting or a poem with all the gratefulness of a pathetic loser who recognizes hard work when they see it regardless of quality or quantity. If it wasn’t my style, I would donate it, & I sadly would not be capable of being outright rude about it and accusing it of not being designer quality 🙄Honestly, when did we get into having such a pick and choose mentality regarding what we receive as gifts?

    Jelena Putinja
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    my grandma crocheted so many things and gifted me bunch of them all trough my life - I never liked it displayed around my house but I keep them neatly folded in my closet because of all the love she has put in that work - she passed year ago but my kids will one day get her work passed down to them

    Lori Harper
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My neighbor's (lovely woman; like a second mother to me) BLIND mother make an afghan for my daughter when she was a baby. Beautiful: peach and white. Something I couldn't have done WITH sight, let alone blind. The problem was, the blanket was too big and heavy for a baby, so I gave it to my daughter when she grew up. The neighbor passed away a few years ago, but my daughter cherishes the blanket made with love from our neighbor and her mother. The gift may not be used at the time of giving, but packed away for another time or given on to someone who would appreciate it, IMO would have been better than handing it back with the comment that OP's friend chose to give. Find better friends, OP

    NHL37
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I’ll be friends with any of these people that take time to make beautiful hand made gifts. I adore that kind of thing! I’d be so thrilled to receive a blanket like this!

    Sunny Day
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Question - did the son decline the blanket, or did his mom decline it for him and he knew nothing about it? And how much more "designer" can you get than something direct from the artist? There is an old story about a poor little boy who wanted to get a gift for his teacher. He knew she loved the ocean, but it was many miles from their small village. But he started walking. It took him 4 days to reach the shore. He spent some time looking for the perfect shell, then carefully carried it the 4 day return trip. When he gave it to the teacher, she cried "but you went so far to get this!". And he replied "yes, Miss, but the journey was part of the gift."

    2picklesinabun
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You either refuse a gift before opening it or you accept it fully and even if you don't like it, BE POLITE and say thank you. Wtf is wrong with you people. No one has manners anymore. If the gift isn't to your taste then donate it later. Don't be a dipshit to people who are trying to do something nice to you.

    Poppy Petal
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What I don't get is, why can't one ask the person to be gifted about maybe colours they like or yarn they like? It's super thoughtful to create something for someone but to overlook the other one with colour and style of your own choice is not.

    Olive oil
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don't get it. It's just a blanket. Everything is about feelings. "Oh, don't give it back to her! That's RUDE!" "Oh, it's RUDE if you don't say anything and tuck it away or donate it!" To please everyone I guess you have no choice but to use the gift whether you like it or not. On the other hand, only designer stuff? Dude is 21. Can he afford designer everything? Isn't the main point of blankets is to keep you warm and cozy? Since when did we have to ask about colors and styles of things before giving anything to anyone? What happened to " it's the thought that counts?" Did I miss the memo where we had to get the approval of the receiver before ever giving anything to anyone? Can't surprise anyone with a nice gift anymore because they might not like it. Whatever. I think it's funny how the internet(myself included) can get riled up about anything. Even an unappreciated blanket. Maybe we are a little bit too connected with one another. I guess that's a bit hypocritical of me tho...

    Miranda Gehris
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Asking about colors and styles was specific to hand-made gifts, as a way to avoid the crafter putting time and money into something that can't be returned or exchanged for something the person would use, like you can with store-bought.

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    Merilyn Horton
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Wow, those last comments smack of kicking someone when they’re down. Why must people be so unkind?

    Karen De Maio
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I crochet but in that case I know I wouldn’t have given that a gift to him. It has nothing to do with being designer. You just can tell who appreciates it and who doesn’t. I’ve given crocheted gifts and everyone loved them. They thought it was more work to crochet then to buy a gift. I agree with some person said he should’ve given back the money. You can’t pick and choose what you gift you want. Someday his mother will get a taste of herself being rude. Keep on crocheting but don’t waste hours on an ungrateful person.

    Andrea Lanteigne
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think the way they rejected the gift is the worst part. It does make then sound very entitled. This would’ve happened with nearly any gift she gave. There’s no issue in rejecting a gift, but the way they did it would make me never give another one again or even help them because they only like designers.

    Bookmaiden
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have a blanket my grandmother crocheted (she learned to crochet when she was in her 60s). It's ugly as all get out but I LOVE that blanket! It's so incredibly warm but, most importantly, it's something I have left from my grandma. I adore handmade gifts and would rather have something handmade than "designer" or store-bought.

    Tina Hugh
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I assume the mother was clumsily saying the gift should not be wasted on him because he won’t appreciate it. To the people suggesting the son quietly donate a gift someone spent 900 hours making—noooo. It’s a precious heirloom, not something to just be donated

    Israel Martinez
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is why I just don't do things without any idea if it will be well-received or the attitude of the recipient ... my children made me the weirdest crafts in school and I accepted them because that was an effort where they had me in mind, just as I have made things for them ... take that as a lesson learned ... a gift unasked for can turn into a gift unappreciated ...

    deanna woods
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I am thirty seven years old and sleep with the crocheted blanket that my mom made for me last year every single night. She put in a lot of time and I really respect the effort. Not only that, but it is very beautiful.

    Vera Rios
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Crocheted blankets are warm and not at all strange. All crocheted items are beautiful works pf art. Wait until winter comes he will need that blanket then. I love crochet items but i dont share it with many people for this reason not everyone appreciates homemade crafts.

    Tara
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It doesn't matter what the gift is. Whatever happened to "it's the thought that counts"? You thank the giver for thinking of you.

    Lavender Oak
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As a crafter I think it's really important to consider the recipient before you even start the project. Only make things you know for 100% sure they will like and take care of. And for those that say young men wouldn't like blankets, you're just wrong. Especially if these men are living on their own for the first time. I'm a millennial and I pay attention to crochet/knit trends, I damn well know Gen Z is EXTREMELY into crochet. It's all over tik tok. But perhaps they like modern crochet patterns, not what boomers tend to make. All that to say, the "friend" and son are total jerks. Regardless of if they liked the blanket, she also gave money. They returned the blanket, which they easily could have just stored away in the closet or donated. They didn't return the money. I genuinely wonder the real relationship between the "friends" is. I don't know any friends of mine that would be so rude.

    Mary Rose
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I can agree with some of the issues here. OP is right to be hurt with mama's comment about son only wanting designer items. That comment was unnecessary. Son was not required to like the blanket, but should have let OP know he appreciated the gift, it wasn't his taste, and would she like it back or would she be okay with him donating it. Personally, I would have kept it. I have a wonderful friend who crocheted a blanket for me as a Christmas gift. I really wasn't keen on the colors, but I knew it was a labor of love and gratefully accepted it. Three moves and three kids later, that afghan is always on a couch or chair, many times wrapped around someone relaxing , reading or napping.

    Jade Hei
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm a crafter(not super good but anyways) and it would suck so much if someone disliked what I made for them, especially if they were rude about it like in this instance. The son& mother should have been more graceful about it. It's okay to not like the gift, we all get those gifts sometimes. But there is no excuse for being callous about it. Asking about colours etc beforehand is a good policy to avoid giving a bad gift.making something smaller is a good idea if you haven't asked for preference from the receiver. Useful everyday things like socks, beanies, scarfs, kettleholders, small toys, bookmarks, reusable swabs and washcloths etc. Are nice gifts and most people probably would like them. It is your decision to make a time-consuming item with expensive materials without asking. The gift should be about the receiver and it should not come with strings attached (pun not intended).

    Corey Askwith
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    it's a blanket, had it been a sweater or clothing i would understand but it can be used for many things. It seems like a good gift to me. I'd be offended if I was you

    rotimi akintewe
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I feel appalled at some of the painful responses here,the guy is an ungrateful wretches l see it especially with his moms comments. It's a gift which should have been received with thanks and appreciation and whatever he did with it later would have been his business. I'm definitely going to think 2ce before giving anyone anything.Arrrrgh this pisses me off

    Mary Basso
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I also learned the hard way about hand made gifts. Now I only make for myself and when someone asks if I would make something I say NO.

    Lori foley
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I would tell my so called "friend" that I only accept designer friends from now on, buh bye.

    Barbara Walker
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Before I retired I would crochet baby afghans for the younger nurses who were expecting. They were always well received. The word got around and nurses on other units would come to me and ask if I would make them one also, and I gladly made for those nurses as well. And everyone would "gift" me a picture of their baby with the afghan.

    Dean Turner
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I can't even tell you how many gifts I'd received growing up that I didn't like or disappointed me, and I accepted each and every one of them graciously. But here's the thing... This "designer" gift that he would have preferred is made by a machine or an underpaid worker in Vietnam for pennies on the dollar, and typically only an hour or so goes into it's production, and yet we associate name recognition with quality. Example, a $200 pair of Prada sunglasses costs the company $4 to make, and yet we throw out money at it like the name really matters. This kid is an idiot. That blanket was probably better quality than any designer gift he could have ever received. Based on the picture, I would have loved it. That reminds me, my mother made me a microfiber blanket for me for Christmas when I was in my early 20's. black with gray Japanese dragons all over it, I'm 40 now and the blanket is sitting at my desk in the office because the AC is kept cold. Thanks, mom!

    Dean Turner
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I just realized, if this lady was paid $1 per hour, the blanket would have been worth $1,120, minimum.

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    Pastel Mint
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I can't believe people were saying she was being manipulative, by making him a blanket. She also gave him $121.00 which he kept, but returned the blanket and his mom said "He only accepts designer things". Not everyone can afford designer items for themselves, let alone someone else. A blanket is something you can use for many different things a lunch date at the park, going camping, cuddling by the fire on a cold day and so on. I feel like the son and mother are being manipulative, especially saying he likes only designer goods. Most designer items are easily $150+, so to expect someone to buy you a present that expensive is extremely ridiculous. He could have kept the blanket and then given it away or sold it. Seen many designer blankets that are knitted and crocheted, it's becoming very popular. I'm wondering if the son even saw the gift, or maybe the mom opened the gift beforehand seeing there was no designer tag and just returned it. We will fully never know both sides of this.

    Mickey Hunt
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    All of you who says this is just boomers wanting to be appreciated for their work even though they didn't ask before making the item are just inconsiderate. I'm a millennial and if anyone asked me or my generation what we want we would say money but money isn't a gift that shows any thought or care. I have never turned away, trashed or donated a hand crafted gift that was made with someone's precious time and love. It's always an item that can be used even if it's not your personal taste. Anyone that would return it is just entitled and ungrateful.

    Ari Keeper
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The comments in the 2nd part are APPALLING, but I'm glad OP got some love.

    Steven Bennett
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Assuming you could even find a "designer" blanket for $120, it would almost certainly fall apart after a few years, whereas a hand-made afghan of that quality could potentially last GENERATIONS! What a pair of idiots!

    Bella V
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I can't even with some of these comments. (in the story, not here) It's not a weird gift for a 21 yo man. Everyone needs blankets. It was black and grey (matches everything) and was made with stupid soft yarn. He and his mother were rude. And the person that said it was ugly at the end... I just can't with people.

    Julie
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The comment about a lot o boomers annoys me. It was my very boomer mother who taught me to be grateful. And I guess it's because we didn't have a lot and I was raised in hand-me-downs that I'm not so picky as that kid. But my mom wouldn't have let me be. But yet, they don't deserve it then. And maybe people are just less grateful in general. I also don't get the whole why do you assume someone will like something question about a gift. That's what we're doing now? No nice surprises?

    YetAnotherSarah
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have a way bigger issue with the friend who didn't just fold the blanket and tuck it away until her son matured enough to develop the appreciation, and tell OP that her son said thank you. Sometimes lies are okay. I keep seeing comments about how a blanket is a bad gift for a 21 year old... It's a *blanket*. Everyone needs a blanket at some point. Good gift, maybe not. But *bad* gift? Absolutely not.

    YetAnotherSarah
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Question for crocheters: Nine HUNDRED hours??! Is that accurate? Five hours a day for six months is how long it takes to make a blanket?

    Jacky Newman
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Last year I made a huge blanket within 4 month. I don't know exactly how many hours it took, but defently not 900hrs.

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    Unaffected
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is why I always give money to anyone above the age of 10.They can buy what they want.

    The Starsong Princess
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I make quilts for all family weddings and babies. But I always have a conversation with the recipient first to make sure they want it. They decide the colours and get input into the design so it reflects their taste. It’s too much work if it isn’t appreciated. Not everyone is quiltworthy.

    Bobbi McGough Robert
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If I make something as a gift for somebody and they don't want it I would really appreciate it if they returned it to me and didn't just give or throw it away.

    Jihana
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I am obsessed with blankets. I'd rather use 3 blankets than use one duvet. I would LOVE to have a handmade one. Even if I would probably never use it out of fear of ruining it LOL

    Jerry T
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's the thing about art, it doesn't matter how much it means to you, others just might not like it. I did a painting for my nephew when he was a baby. It was a picture from Where the Wild Things Are of Max in his boat. It is still one of my favorite things I've ever done. It was spot on. It looked like I just photographed the page and printed it on a larger canvas. I spent hours getting all the cross-hatching just right. A few years later I was in their garage looking for a bike pump when I found it shoved in a box all beaten up with a bunch of yard waste and kindling. I was heart broken and I still can't really let it go but I have to because I gave it away. While I think I would have been a little offended if they had given it back, I would have preferred it to the alternative.

    s0nicfreak
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It actually is designer. OP chose the colors, and either chose the layout or picked a pattern. So OP *designed* the blanket and handmade it! Put a label on there and watch people's perception of it change (and I know this, because I actually sell things I make). And, it's a blanket. Everyone can use a blanket. It doesn't matter what "style" it is, you won't be looking at it when you're under it in the dark.

    A Yarn Addict with Karen
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm a crocheter and I love giving gifts I can make but I have found out it's always better to ask someone first. I'm not going to put all the time and energy into something that I don't know is wanted. I ask my family with any gift what they want. I don't mind at all asking. When my children were young I used to put a lot of effort into getting them things that were special just for them. I knew their likes and dislikes then so it was easy. They are grown with families of their own and I don't know all of their likes and dislikes any more. As with friends they know I crochet so I ask before buying the yarn. In the story I think the friend and her son were really rude to show the disrespect they did to the gift giver. If it had been a gift of any kind I would never return it to my friend saying something like what this "friend" said. I would put it away or give it to someone else.

    Joyce Blodgett
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've been a crocheter for 50 years, and an artist for nearly all of my 70 years. I used to stupidly crochet and give afghans to my family and friends until one day, my hideously mean monster-in-law threw a beautifully done pale blue shawl into the lit fireplace. She, too, accepted only "designer" gifts, claiming that anything handmade meant the gifter hated the recipient (I couldn't stand her, but had never heard that in my then-young life! It was exactly the opposite in my family). But to just make and gift a crocheted (or knitted, or sewn) blanket for a FRIEND's son, without asking him directly whether he'd like it, and what colors he'd prefer? No, never, not ever! That's not the right thing to do, and I don't care what others say. It's wrong, it's awkward all around, and it's putting a lot of pressure on the recipient. He should have given the money back, too, however---if it was awkward that his mother's friend made a gift for him, then it was just as awkward that she gave him $$.

    Ms A
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I’m glad that my gen z kids (14, 19, and 21) cherish the simple, handmade gifts made for them. My oldest would have LOVED that blanket that OP made! My kids were taught that not everyone has a lot of money to spend on things like electronics or designer/name brand things. Hell, my kids love going to the thrift store for clothes because they usually find name brand items for an 1/8 of the cost of new! I really do have some great kids. Yeah, it sounds like bragging, but they would never make someone feel bad about a gift. There’s nice ways to let the person know that something isn’t their style, but still showing their gratitude for the effort and thought (and love) behind the gift.

    Stephanie LaBove
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Please don't feel hurt by your friends and her shameful sons lack of respect and morals. Look at the bigger picture. This hopefully will help you to see not everyone respects your friendship, saddening to say. You did a remarkable thing making the blanket and putting so much love, time and effort into it. But they're so caught up in the rat race, they miss the fact it is a designer blanket and you are the designer. What a couple of idiots? I am sure wherever the blanket ends up it will be loved. Have faith, God knows what he is doing. That hurt you received from your best friend was to show you that you are her best friend is she truly yours?

    Candy Cane
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I am a cat person. Thus, almost every gift I received for like 30 years from my grandmother or mother and many others was always cat themed. Stuff I wouldn't even use, had no interest in, because it was cats. But I said thank you and politely attempted to steer them towards something else next time. I buy ONE fuzzy Llama plush and that year, I get everything in Llama print, and generally something for a much younger person. Most of the stuff ends up being donated, but I would never dream of just handing something back, especially not with a bad remark. Theres not much to go on, Maybe that color scheme is what the son likes? Maybe OP is exaggerating what went into it. We can't judge that. Just how rude it is to just... go "nope" on a gift. It seems so entitled to me. And, maybe I'm a little biased because fuzzy blankets are my kryptonite. I want them all. All the fluff!

    Julian Scherner
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If anyone crafted anything for me EVER, I'd cherish it all my life.

    Pan-Panda
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Who doesn't want a free, comfy blanket?!? Even if you don't plan to use it for yourself, save it for when others come over, or put it in your car to use when at a park, at the beach, or hell in case of emergency!

    JJScene
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What is up with this "style" people are talking about? If I got a blanket of any color or yarn I'd be so happy.

    Lavender Oak
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Especially in this case, gray and black thick stripes is just about as universally appealing as you can get. Not too colorful, not to neutral, not to busy with thin stripes or patterns..

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    Brandy McCoy
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I see the lack of manners as an issue but this really is more of the writers lack of managed expectations. Ask yourself, "will I still be happy with the work and money put in, if the receiver doesn't like it." I've felt hurt before making dinner for someone and them not liking. I also, at the time, didn't consider what they liked. That's on me. They still showed gratitude, and that's what's missing in this story.

    ThorsMom
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My grandmother returned a blanket I made. As a fellow crocheter, I thought she'd appreciate that one of her grandchildren had an interest. She said she had too many.

    Sharon Gersowsky
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm going to hazard a guess and say the mom didn't like the blanket and didn't bother to even ask her son about it. Designer has snob written all over it

    SobyKay
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I knit and crochet and I'm very careful who I give my items to. I never give away items that cost me tons of money, time, and effort unless I'm positive the other person would like it (i.e. Im actually close to them), or it has been specifically requested/commissioned. I appreciate the spirit of this lady who crocheted the blanket, but she just wasn't being sensible. Gifts are actually not about you, but the other person. It's up to you to be thoughtful and considerate, and other people are under no obligation to like what you give them or even receive it. I don't even agree that the polite thing to do would be to pretend to like it and then tuck it away where you can't see it, or re-gift it later. True, the other lady didnt have to make a comment about designer blankets, but she did right in giving it back. I would rather have such a gift returned to me than it be a total waste.

    D. Pitbull
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Not... super appreciating the "this thread is full of boomers who..." attitude. I'm not a boomer, I yarncraft... and I sure as HECK don't make things for people who don't want it. If I do 'foist' something on someone... I'm already in the mindset of "they might use it as a dog mat if anything"... and even then I'm like Soo.... I have extra dishcloths... you happen to need any??? yeah... I learned EARLY on from my parents that just 'cuz you make it doesn't mean they're gonna like it or want it (I saw pretty much ALL of my 'gifts' from childhood in the trash within the hour). The big thing for me is that the act of returning it with the comment of "he only likes designer stuff" was unnecessary, and felt like a purposeful jab at the gift giver. Even just saying "Thank you for the blanket, it's not really his style, but it can be used in other ways"... might be enough of a hint to the crafter of "oh. okay then... I'll ask next time"

    Journee Far
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've learned after many years of receiving gifts and not using them that we should be better about listening, watching and asking our friends and etc, what they'd like to recieve as a gift. If it is a surprise, ask a person who is really close to the reciever if they've expressed a desire to have something that they currently don't have. In the past, whenever I've given a gift, what I realized is that I gave the person what "I" wanted and not what they wanted. Essentially, I super imposed my own likes, ideas and wants onto someone else when instead I should've been approaching the situation from the view of the reciever. Take this, not as a negative, but as a learning lesson. Many people who recieve gifts are fake, smile and never use it, throw it out, or give it away. At the very least, that boy(reciever) was very honest. On the other hand, maybe the reciever can learn how to gracefully glide a rejection.

    Maureen Greenin
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Someone said ask them what they want, if you have to do that then I say don’t buy them anything. Designer goods can cost thousands and are made in their thousands, because some people fall for the hype, these days they all want to look the same, have the same, and be celebrities with no talent what so ever.The ones who get noticed are those with their own style and are their own person.

    Krispy K
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I would get my money back and he wouldn't get squat from me. He could have accepted it and said thank you and let that be it. I tell my kids be grateful for what you have because you could not have nothing at all

    haren ter berge
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A crocheted blanket is mostly not a fitting present for a 21 year old. I have been on the receiving end of such type of gifts. Having to feign gratitude for something that is not your taste, or for which you have no use, is also not a nice feeling. Especially if later on this is used as an emotional blackmail tool. "I spend so much time and effort to make this lovely blanket, but i never hear from you".

    Izzy Curer
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My grandmother always wanted to make the grandkids handmade gifts, and she never seemed to take into account who the kid was. She just made a big batch of things, and parceled them out. Sometimes they were really nice things, too, like quilts and stuff, but it always made me feel, ironically, like she didn't actually care about us. At least not as individuals. It seemed like she cared more about making the stuff. I'm a crafter myself, so I get the time and effort that goes into these things, but having a handmade 'treasure' that isn't your style ends up feeling more like a burden. Well, now you have to keep this purple monstrosity. Your grandma made it, so you can't just give it away. Even though nothing else I own is purple. Even though she would know that if she'd thought about it for two seconds, or she could have asked my parents about my preferences, if she wanted it to be a surprise. You really want to be appreciative, but it's a little painful, too. I don't want to be just another number to my grandma. Gifts are pretty much meaningless if they don't take the recipient into account.

    Cold Contagious
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My grandma crocheted and made quilts all her life. I truly treasure these handmade works of art. I have quilts and crocheted blankets that I've had for years and wouldn't trade for anything. I would always rather receive a gift like this than store bought things. I can't speak for others and don't want to, this is just my opinion.

    Donna Cheung
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    While I think the "friend" and the son were really rude (it's a GIFT, for goodness sake, just smile, say thanks and accept it!), if I were the OP I'd rather it be given back than it just lying around, never used. A lot of love went into the project! Hopefully now the new owner of the blanket will enjoy it.

    somed ay
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    No blanket in the entire world takes 900 hours to crochet. Unless it literally covers the entire world.

    Effseven Six
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Nothing says love like a blanket made just for you. I have every single one some one made for me. I will have them forever.

    Mora Chilis
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    How difficult is it for the friend to teach the young man manners. Honestly, if he didn't like the blanket he could gave given it to a cause. no need to have no decorum/respect.

    idrow1
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My mom made me a very small lap blanket out of that velvet yarn and it's so soft, I wish I had a big version like what the OP made. I wouldn't be giving that ungrateful brat or his parents any gifts going forward. They don't deserve a thing.

    Jus
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I knit socks and mittens. People don't always like hand made. I don't like crocheted stuff. The blanket isn't very appealing to me, either...

    mm65851
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The point here - is that these morons do not know how to gracefully accept a gift. They could have donated it, or regifted, etc. Doesn't really matter what the item it. Although I knit and crochet as well, and would never put that kind of time and effort into something not specifically requested or desired. I might gift hats and scarves, etc which take little effort, time, and money. And I donate other stuff.

    Skorm Carter
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Wow that guy is such a f*****g b***h. Honestly I would drop both of them. I can't even have anyone listen to me for more than 18 seconds. Let alone someone spending 900 hours of their life. That's like all the time I've put between Fallout 3 and New Vegas. This makes me so angry dude. "Designer gifts" I hope you get hit by a car doing 120.

    Betty Spotts
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It’s quite impressive, if I were talented enough to make that my son would gladly take and appreciate it, until one of his children steal it from him.. one of a blessing though, he could have taken and disposed of it without a thought so give or sell it to a person who will appreciate your loving work ❣️🤗🙏🏻

    Kiwi
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I made a really nice quilt/afghan that I found was too heavy to sleep under. I didn't have the wall space to make a hanging out of it. I asked my sister if she wanted it before I tried to sell it and she did. I found out she uses it as a dog bed. But, you know? That's ok. It looks good in her house and I love her dogs too.

    Jcusack
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I would be devestated... Are you kidding me!? first of all that blanket looks F"n AMAZING!!! Second, even at $1/hr that's a $900.00 blanket. Your "designer" & probably child labor made gift is still less than that. He is a POS son and you have a POS friend as well.

    Samantha Melnychuk
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If I make something for someone, as soon as it leaves my hands it is no longer my responsibility or right to care about it. It doesn't belong to me anymore, I gave it away. If there are negative reactions, they just don't get anything handmade from me ever again. That being said, I do take into account the person's tastes and style. As for that blanket, I'm not sure how it took 900 hours, I'm thinking that's a bit of an exaggeration, but it looks warm and at least she can pass it on to someone who will appreciate it.

    Lisa H
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My Grandma crocheted a crib blanket for me when she found out my mom was pregnant with me. I still have it as a reminder of all the love and generosity I have felt from her. I miss her and my grandpa every single day and that crib blanket is in my room on my chair right now. I can't imagine not being grateful for such a thoughtful gift.

    CatWoman312
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Okay the blanket is beautiful and nicely made, but did he want a blanket? I think the response was very rude and entitled acting, but did he specifically ask for a blanket? I wouldn’t waste my time on something like that unless I knew it was something they asked for.

    Sue B
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Who cares if he wanted a blanket? It was a gift. I'm not sure where the seemingly sudden notion where one should always ask the recipient what they want came from, but that's not the definition of a gift. Sorry, I know that you were referencing color, which in a case like this for me would make sense to ask the son's mom. She would know. That would also give her the opportunity to tell th OP that her son doesn't like anything other than "designer " brands and the whole incident could have been avoided.

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    Wysteria_Rose
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When someone hand makes something, ANYTHING, that itself is a gift and to give it back or say "well, the didn't ask for it" is awful. Period. I wove a scarf for my ex who wore it once, got teased about it by his friends, and then it was in the bottom of his closet. Every time I saw it under his shoes, I thought of the hours I spent sitting in my chair in my room weaving it with his favorite color, thinking it would keep him warm for me since we were long-distance. Notice I said he is my EX (not the reason we broke up but it spoke enough about how he would treat my efforts).

    A Yarn Addict with Karen
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It actually was a designer gift. The woman crocheting was the "designer". I'm not sure if she followed a pattern but I'll bet she added a little of her own design to it. She just wasn't one of the top designer her was looking for!!

    The Other Guest
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Best "thank you" to a handmade gift I ever got was from my BIL/SIL. I knit "Dead or Alive Fish Hats" for them and their three kids for Christmas. The thank you note from SIL included a photo of all five of them wearing their hats - in public, no less. (Pattern is here if anyone's interested: https://knitty.com/ISSUEwinter08/PATTfishy.php)

    More!
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Not siding with the 21 year old here, but at that age they usually don’t want a blanket and they have no regard for the hours it took to make one. It is rude of the mother to return it, it’s odd that she wasn’t ashamed to do so. If I were her I’d have asked my son if I could store it for him because one day he might find he has an appreciation for it, or perhaps a wife who does. Anyway, recently my mother-in-law made blankets for her grandchildren and I thought to myself, those kids are addicted to smart phones, Nikes, social media and themselves. What do they want with a crocheted blanket! What a waste, giving lovely blankets to teenagers who aren’t interested. Better to donate them to aged care residents to brighten up their rooms.

    Yettichild
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Do you know if your MILs grandchildren actually liked the blankets or not? I gave my niece a quilt I made for her 13th birthday and she absolutely loves it. She won't let anyone else touch it.

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    Marilyn Russell
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well, the behaviour was terrible by returning it with that crass explanation, but I do suppose some commenters have a point that nowadays people don’t appreciate the sentiment and value of handmade gifts anymore and maybe she should have inquired first if such a gift would be welcome. I wouldn’t give them anymore of my time or money though. I’m happy to hear that the blanket found a more deserving and appreciative recipient. My aunt sent me a crocheted throw this year and I just love it and it’s crazy colours. And yes, I wrote her a thank you note because that’s how I was raised.

    Yettichild
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've found the opposite. A lot of young people prefer hand made things because they are one of a kind and unique. Mass manufactured stuff is all the same. Maybe it's just where I live. I sold a bunch of glass ornaments I made and the ones that were slightly wonky (I was still learning) sold first.

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    Babs
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Idk, I try to check in with the person or someone who knows them well to see if they'll actually enjoy/use the handmade thing before I put in the work. And/or make it clear that if it's not their style they can pass it on or give it back and I won't be offended. I've been given handmade things that were not my taste or that I couldn't use and often they just end up sitting in a corner collecting dust because I feel bad getting rid of them. I want to give something the giftee will enjoy rather than something that makes me feel good about myself but is a burden to them.

    Samantha Cross
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I got gifted a couple of beautiful crochet blankets for my daughter when she was born. She’s now two and we still use them in when she’s in her pram and in the car when it’s cold. I would never dream of returning them. I even received some knitted cardigans that wasn’t 100% my style but I still made sure my daughter wore them when we went to visit the person who made them. The pride in seeing my daughter wearing what they made was enough for me to always be greatful for gifts like these. And also my grandma who knitted a lot has since passed away so it’s nice to have some of her love still with us 🥰 I’ve kept hold for anymore children we may have

    Karmen vrt
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm not sure why we have to be so "real" and "honest" just say thank you and pass it on to someone that will like it... and yes that blanket is not something i would give a 21year old one... i find it ugly but i would say tnx and thats it.

    Hannah Thompson
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There is a difference between not liking a gift and donating it, and not liking a gift because it wasn't store bought and returning it to the person who made it saying that it wasn't designer.

    alloutbikes@yahoo.com
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I refused a gift of a knitted baby blanket for my son. He was premature and still in the hospital. I was staying at the hospitality house near as we lived 3 county's away and I couldn't just leave him. I was trying to make him a blanket and it hurt me that someone else had done it first. We didn't know the lady. I said thank you but I'm making him one. You can give it to someone who doesn't have one. Probably rude but I was quite fragile then. It still makes me cry remembering that time of our life.

    Queen Jackson.
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It could be the uglies thing in the world and id be f*****g flattered. Like you out in that effort for me? And anything warm us a win in my book idgaf.

    Sherman Von Gee
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Dude. I have this obsession with buying crocheted anything at thrift stores. Especially blankets. I can't crochet myself but my grandma was so good at it before she passed. So I know how much work goes into even the smallest of projects! I refuse to leave a thrift store without all of their crocheted pieces. I have crocheted blankets on every chair, bed, couch.. I have a couple of those blanket ladders & they're full of these beauties! I just hate to think of these priceless pieces hanging on shelves or worse.... getting thrown out to make room for mass produced garbage! But I would have literally loved that gift! Even as a teenager! It's a good thing they gave it back atleast. They don't deserve it. I'm sure the veteran appreciates it everytime he crawls under it.

    Sarah Bradley
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ok so I'm on the fence about this topic. If I were the recipient I would have simply given it away instead of insulting the woman by returning it. But that's just me not wanting to be rude. But there's this one associate of mines who gives me gifts but then she enquires about them later so I tell the truth. She gets offended that I gave them away. Then tries to make me promise that I will not give away the gifts she gives me. This makes me feel cringey. On the other hand I have crocheted her gifts and she has given them back cause she wants an item made to her exact specifications which I'm unable to accomplish. This is also cringey because she is making demands and she enquires about her demands whenever she sees me. I've decided she is not a friend. Because why is it ok for her to give me gift i dont want or like or just simply choose to give to someone who needs it more? But I can't do the same to her? Gifts shouldn't have strings attached but they also shouldn't be rejected.

    Alma Willams
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    so sad ungrateful he should just said tks no need to hurt her feelings. He was such a a whole for this.

    Penny Wilson
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I too am a crocheter and I would have been terribly hurt. I have made many, many blankets as well as other things as gifts and have received nothing but gratitude. I have so little patience for self-absorbed people, and in this case that a speaks to the kids and the parent. If they would stop and think about the time, effort, joy and money that you put into your work they would know what a true gift it is. I'm sorry that happened to you. It's a beautiful blanket.

    Annemarie “other” Davelaar
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm an avid knitter as well and it has been fun to read through these comments. I understand the creator wants the gift to be appreciated but really, it's YOUR hobby. When you buy a bday gift don't you keep in mind what the receiver would like? If they don't like knitted or crochet type things why bother making them something? My dad asks me to make him things and I happily do so since I know he'll like it.

    Mary Sims
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As I look at all these beautiful blankets I would welcome them all into my home. I personally appreciate a gift the was handmade than one that was bought. However, some only value the price of things and not value the time and commitment it took a person to give truly of themselves as a gift. The sad thing is they may not figure it out until the lonely and on their death bed what is truly important. Steve Jobs said it best "Don’t educate your children to be rich. Educate them to be Happy. So when they grow up they will know the value of things not the price." It seems mom's missed the mark when teaching appreciation.

    Rita Mirano
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Handmade things are made with love. This is expressed through the arduous efforts and long hours of making them. Her friend's son should have appreciated that at least. It's not about liking what you receive, but appreciating the love that comes with the gift.

    Marissa Camacho
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I paint, I sew, I hammer, I knit, I crochet, I gift, I hurt. I have gifted, mostly for children, and I have never seen a mother be rude -ever. If anything, they proudly send photos or show me that the gifts I gave are still good and functioning. All the gifts I have made are appreciated and used. I know, because ,five, ten even thirty years down the line I am amazed to see they are still being enjoyed or worn by their children. There was ONE EXCEPTION. I had a neighbor I would take a cake and a special dish to every time I attended her lavish parties. She cooks and she always gifts her creations. One year, I sewed a casserole caddy (which was such a hit that I even got orders for New Zealand, the US and Germany) where I put the freshly-baked cake and handed it to her, telling her that I had seen the caddy. She promptly called her maid, passed it to her without saying a thing and then welcomed me in. "Anyone can buy, but not everyone can create"..framed in my craft room

    Willie Mae Rawlinson
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You actually think you know peoples in real life, but sometimes you find them out. How ungrateful and disrespectful that was to her. I guess the only thing that matter to him was the $121.00 dollars. She had a gracious heart ❤ to have done that for him. You would think that respect goes a long way , but evidently it doesn't. That should make him feel really guilty and hurt, that if he had a Heart ❤.

    Adam Leviness
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Idk, I could see how someone would find it rude. But, if I personally spent 900 hours on a gift for someone and then found out that they accepted it just to be "nice" and it was sitting in a drawer somewhere not getting used, I'd be WAY more pissed. I bet the kid was gonna keep it and the mom was like "well if you're not going to use it I'll just give it back." And then the mom simply came up with the designer thing. Oh, no its not that he doesn't like it. He's just a kid he only uses "designer" things. You know 21 year old boys, they have to have all the hot new stuff." That sounds way more plausible tome then this kid just being like, what is this peasant trash gift... away with it!

    D. Nicole Hiljus
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A gift like this is a keepsake, it's about a connection between the giver, and the receiver. I can understand the young man not being able to connect with the sentimentality of such a gift. It doesn't sound like the op had a relationship with the boy, only the mother. That being said there is zero ZERO excuse for any reaction other than extreme gratitude that the op would put so much effort into the gift. Whatever happened to "it's the thought that counts"? The receivers sound like terrible people!

    Gretchen Tyree
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Princess Diana told her boys, "Accept gifts with an open heart and say thank you." The kid may not have liked the blanket but he should have accepted it and said thank you.

    Anna Repp
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    900 hours is approximately half a year of working 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. TBH I doubt the OP spent that much time on the gift.

    Ivan Petrov
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A few things to point out: 1) Was it the son, who returned the gift, or the friend decided, that this will not be to son's liking; 2) How close these people are - just because the two are friends doesn't mean the son feels close to them, too; 3) I think a blanket can be always a good gift. Aren't good blankets expensive? You can keep it in your car for emergencies, or when it's not cold enough to turn on a heater, but also not warn enough to stay uncovered; 4) Even if something is not to my taste, if it's a handmade gift, I'll keep it, because of the thought behind it. And just like Leslieoo7 said, designer shït is mass produced. I would prefer something handmade and personal.

    Vicki Carlisle
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Whether the giftee likes the gift or not doesn't matter to me. That someone thought enough of you to spend that amount of time is gift enough. The attitude of the "child" AND his mother says all that needs to be said about the recipient(s). A simple "thank you" would have been enough, and if he just couldn't stand the sight of the blanket, tuck it away somewhere. No harm done and no hurt feelings. It's bad enough that the boy acted this way, but it's pretty clear where he got his attitude. Shame on that mother for letting it happen and for treating her friend so disrespectfully.

    Dorothy Roberts
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In no situation is Anyone REQUIRED to give a gift, I knit and crochet, but since when does a blanket style or color matter if your a*s is cold? A throw could be different because you usually kept them in full view? clothing is what I usually like to give as a gift So, I ask, then choose what amount to gift card the recipient. I never would put up with an attitude. Most people who know me also know me to be a generous person! So Keep your selfish attitude, until your next birthday or Christmas when you get nothing from me!

    Gladys Sullivan
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is sad. I'm a quilter and know how you feel. He rejected the blanket but accepted the money...hmm ,designer money was it. Shows where his values lie. I suggest you have the blanket appraised at a craft shop. A quilt of similar cost and effort would sell for no less than $ 1000 upwards. It's absolutely beautiful and as with all craft items, the pictures fail to capture the true beauty. I'm happy to hear that a more deserving person got it. I'm sorry you had to experience such a rude rejection from your friend

    Evelyn Witt
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think it's deplorable. This person took time and effort to make a gift with her hands and to have it handed back with the friend's son only wanting designer stuff is a slap in the face. Mom should not have returned it but taught her 21 year old son IT IS THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS. Meaning he should have thanked them for the gift knowing they thought of him when it was made. Too many are to particular about brand names and such. ENTITLED!!!!!!!!! I grew up getting things made for me by a crafting mom from clothing to toys. Never name brand and not store bought. Someday this child will learn to appreciate what they do have or have nothing.

    Evelyn Witt
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I did not have to read the entirety of this post to be appalled at the thought that someone gave their friends son a gift for his birthday or whatever it was, and then have the friend return it saying that the son only liked designer items. You know in this day and age things are getting more and more expensive. And people cannot give you exactly what you want. And when you are receiving gifts for a birthday or a holiday or a special occasion, you just don't get everything that you want. You need to be gracious and accept the gift and say thank you. There is a saying that goes it's the thought that counts. That means that no matter what is done or given to someone it's the thought behind it that the person took the time to make the item or to do a favor or just to help out and that person should be grateful that this person thought of them and thought they were important enough to do these things. And we can't blame the son's mom for saying anything but it kind of lays on her too.

    Crystal Ruiz
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm really having all kinds of thoughts about this. 1. Her friend and son sound like a-holes. 2. I also crochet and would've been devastated, but 3. As some have pointed out, it is weird to have gifted this to a 21 year old, that the OP is, obviously, not close to. 4. For a simple crochet blanket, did it really take 900 hours?...it does sound fishy to me. 5. But it is a designer thing....that blanket is worth, based on time and materials, about $7000, and that's considering being paid $7.50, or minimum wage. 6. The colors do seem to be something a 21 year old man would like. And 7. Crochet and knitting is in fashion right now, so it brings me back to the 1st point, they're just a-holes

    Sulu Chewy
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Crocheting gifts are inter family gifts because family will appreciate the effort even it is only used when the giver turns up ... although you may have seen him grow and consider the mom as a "friend" that person is not a friend and you did not see the AH tendencies develop as son grew... a true "friend" would not have returned the gift ... soooo ...are you accustomed sending crocheted things or this was a 21st birthday surprise out of the blue ...the dude is materialistic thanks to mummy and he has friends to impress...so the final receiver appreciates the gesture.

    Irena Freidin
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    For anyone to think that a 21 year old man wants a crocheted blanket, is living in cookoo land. The response was horrid, there was no need to say anything about only liking designer gifts, that's very entitled. But the giver was living in some world of her own if she thought it would be received well.

    T'Mar of Vulcan
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Do people realize how much better in quality hand-made items are? I have a jersey (jumper/sweater/whatever you call them in countries that aren't South Africa) that my aunt knitted for me in 1987 and it still fits perfectly and is still warm and in one piece (I wash in cold water). I have blankets I made as a teenager (crocheted) that are still perfect. If that vain brat had taken the blanket, it would have lasted *decades* compared to 'designer' c**p.

    Maria P
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In today's world I'm honestly not shocked by the rude comments. It's so much easier to smile and say thank you and then pass it on to someone else. It seems to me that some of the people commenting would take pleasure out of being rude and letting the crafter have it for thinking about themselves. They sound like they would enjoy seeing the crafter crushed and hurt. What a bizarre thing to say!! When you're making something with your own hands you're not thinking "I'm such a great person for doing this". Usually with every stitch you make you do your best to make it perfect and your thoughts are of the person as you make it. You want them to feel special and know that you thought of them and wanted to make something special for them. When crafting for others you never think of yourself. I too, as some others stated, wonder if the son even knows about it. Maybe he would've liked it. Maybe it's just the mother pushing "high standards, designer things, on her son.

    Venice
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The reason why the woman's son turned away the gift was appalling and speaks to how he was raised. It's not a generation thing it's a personality thing. On the other hand, the guy is 21 and before the lady spent all that time to create the gift, she should've asked her friend about her sons preference for gifts. No it doesn't mean she should've bought a " designer" gift but she could've gifted him either money or something he would've accepted within her " non designer" budget. Money or gift cards are a better option. The reason for rejecting the gift was unacceptable but spending all that time knitting the gift was the woman's choice which the 21 year old had no control over. She should've done her research.

    Lavender Oak
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It was crocheted, not knitted. If you can't even get that right your opinion really doesn't matter.

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    Meh
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'd (42f) absolutely love someone to hand make me a gift. Any gift. I don't care what it is, as long as they put love and effort into it I'd be so happy. My children are also the same. If they didn't like the gift they can still appreciate the thought and keep it safe ( they're 11m 15m and 19f )

    Andre Letache
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is so funny debating the crochet and the rejection. I guess with all disappointment and soft heart it is in a way better to return something you are not going to cherish. What some may suggest to nicely say thanks and then hide it away is not painful but kinda hypocrite and a waste of the author's effort. I'd say do not feel rejected, just accept the person does not value the same things and they are being honest about it. Hopefully also nice in their way of expressing it... In the end we are all happy for the veteran. Did anyone remember to mention that? :) peace and love

    Miranda Gehris
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My question is...did the son ever even receive the blanket? Seems to me almost like Mom got it and opened it, saw it, decided it didn't fit her vision for decor, and then make up some bs excuse about Son only liking "designer'...I don't think I've ever met a 21 year old guy who cares about "designer," free stuff is free stuff?

    Naomie Moore
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Holy cow! Cross those people off your list. I CHERISH anything hand made and fully understand how many hours and expense of materials it takes to make something beautiful regardless of what craft it might be. Shame on them, they should have graciously accepted and if not their style, donate to a worthy charity where you know it will be appreciated. My heart breaks for you. From previous comments, there are lots of crafters out there and showing their handiwork is making me so happy that many people still love to knit, crochet or whatever medium suits them. Backbone of this country. If money was no object, I would prefer everything home made. That's quality and craftsmanship that is lost on any mass produced merchandise.

    Joe Micalizzi
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I believe the OP misspoke when she mentioned she gave him $121. I believe she meant to say she had $121 invested for materials besides her time. I have to agree with the person who said he didn't ask for a blanket but he certainly mishandled the rejection. The fact that he didn't personally communicate with the OP proves that he really feels NO connection with this friend of his mom. I'm sure lonely Vet is over the top happy with this gift. The OP should thank (sarcastically) his return of the gift so she could give it to a deserving vet. BTW, if the OP doesn't know it her friend is no friend or she would have straightened her son out for his rudeness.

    ewa
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think it depends on the way it was given back, which should have been done by the young man. Anyway, if I gave someone a blanket I spent 120 hours in (and I am actually crocheting a mandala blanket at the moment which will need at least that) I would not want it to lay in a closet because someone was to polite to give it back ... if he doesn't like it he doesn't like it. Not everyone appreciates handmade stuff, and others are the other way round. My 10year old getsreally jelaous if I give anyone outside the family anything handmade, because I am her mom and anything I made should be hers ;) (being in a Waldorf community that can be a challenge..)

    Jishy Kitty
    Community Member
    2 years ago

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    Pj Wilson
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Wow, pearls thrown before swine. Dump those crappy friends. That gift was a labor of love. So sorry.

    Δανάη Ελεάνα
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's worth more than commercial designer products. If you put in those hours, whew, that's an extremely lush and expensive gift. Still, I don't think it's bad they returned it. The comment was rude and ungrateful but overall, better for you.

    Vix Spiderthrust
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The kid's a spoilt d**k and his mum's no better. Even if you don't like a gift, you thank the giver. Then you put it aside for a while and then quietly donate it somewhere it'll do some good. 21 is not too young to understand this.

    Maureen Lazzari
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I was raised to be polite. You never, ever, return a gift. It is the epitome of bad manners and is hurtful to the gift giver. I've received some awful presents during my life but I always thank the person for them and appear to be enthusiastic. To receive a gift that had taken so much time and money, but particularly the time, and to be so rude and ungrateful is astonishing. Yes, it may not have been an ideal gift for a 21 year old man, but he should at least have appreciated the time and effort that went into it. His mother could have avoided hurting her friend too by not returning it, or at least not being quite so brutally honest.

    NamiKoa
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    For me (at least in my current living situation) unwanted things that take up any space are a burden. Sometimes space is a luxury, sometimes it's mentally tiring to have stuff squirreled away in your home that you don't like and don't intend to use. I've had an ornamental wall hanging and a very odd fruit bowl sitting at the back of my closet since my wedding seven years ago. How long do people expect you to keep a gift that absolutely doesn't fit your taste out of politeness? Obviously, these people could have handled the situation much better (I.e. acknowledging the amount of time and effort that went into it and showing gratitude for the gesture), but springing a huge velvet blanket on someone and being angry they don't love it it's also a little selfish

    E.g. Hoffman
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is a gift. The giver should put effort into selecting something personal that the recipient will like - while the recipient needs to appreciate the thought. Not all gifts will be perfect but you need to be gracious. Recipient here was rude. He might not have appreciated the gift and then never used it.

    Amused panda
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I appreciate how upsetting it must have been for her gift to be rejected, but it is clear how much time, skill, care went into it and if it isn't someone's taste & they will either stash it in a cupboard to be forgotten, give it away or sell it, so I also understand some might be of a mind that offering it back so the maker could re-gift it to someone who would appreciate it was the best option. If he'd tried to sell it, his friend's mum might have found out and been even more hurt. Imo, 900+ hours + $120 worth of yarn on top of $121 is a ridiculous amount to invest into a friend's son's birthday, even when the birthday is such a milestone. Having said that, if he only likes designer gifts he's a snob, and if his mom actually old OP that she is not much of a friend to OP - there must have been plenty of ways the rejection could have been phased including that he felt the gift was too much.

    Dedra Happy
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm usually not into crocheted blankets, but what you made is absolutely stunningly beautiful! That being said, I love all handmade gifts I've received! I love that someone cared enough to take the time to make it for me. Hopefully it matches my decor etc, but if not it will be added to my treasure trove of sentimental stuffs - along with the lifetime of handwritten letters, found treasures, mementos, etc from loved ones. It's my sentimental treasure trunk and I love delving into it every once in a while.

    Rhea Perez
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    i believe he was wrong he shouldve just kept it said thank u and if he didnt like it he couldve silently donated to a homeless shelter or someone who did like it he had no right giving it back i crochet and can only imagine what u feel the mother couldve kept the blanket if the boy didnt want it i think its a beutiful blanket and wouldnt mind having the pattern if at all possible may God bless u

    Jennifer Hall
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    People don't crochet like they did back in the day. My great aunt use to crochet all our Christmas gifts and I hated it. When I got older I appreciated it and missed the blankets and stuff. I always look for someone that crochet cause I want a blanket for my couch. Sorry you wen t through that. I feel he was very rude. And I can't believe his mother told you qhy he didn't want it and slap his ignorant son in the face for being rude. I would be so embarrassed if my child acted that way.

    Lavender Oak
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    People do crochet still, and always will. Why don't you learn for yourself? I crochet but don't sell because people want slave labor. I used to charge $10/hr plus materials when I did sell shawls and bags, but a queen sized blanket takes me around 100 hours. No one will pay what it's worth, trust me.

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    Ivanka S
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If he is 21 he should know how to send a card and say thank you. Don’t like it, wrap it in the box and put it away. Her son is a spoiled brat and she needs to have her refund of $121 back On the other hand, and since I am crocheter also, I would ask the brat or my “friend” would he like to have a blanket and let him pick the yarn and design. I felt a great hurt when my daughter asked me crochet a bralette she picked this beautiful turquoise cotton yarn and I picked the design. Front was longer to cover her bellybutton. showed to her BEFORE it was even done, for cup measurement and she said she doesn’t like it and she won’t wear it. I got home and cut it all in pieces. But then as as an idiot, it was her birthday, so I thought she will appreciate a blanket for her bed. I did it in shell stitch darker turquoise and it looks gorgeous. But she says no. Now I crochet for babies only (they can’t complain 😀)and no more spoil brats. Peace in my heart. Yours too.

    Kat Min
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Hmm...it is super rude to give back a gift with the explanation that one 'only likes designer things'. And pointless, too. You don't like it, just store it in na cupboard. Eventually some guest will be happy about an additional blanket. Or you give it to someone who likes it. But I also have to agree with the opinion that it is a slightly odd gift. I know so many people who can'T stand all sorts of textures, wooly and otherwise, I'd definitely ask before I undertake such a project.

    Guinevere Boostrom
    Community Member
    2 years ago

    This comment has been deleted.

    Recheal Kenyonyozi
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Feel sorry for her, that wasn't good thing to return it back at least she would have kept it if the son don't like it. That is not a friend indeed.

    Fishbear
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Son is a rude and entitled little fork. Friend may have been a little off, but he was a lot a dbag. Early series David from Schitt's Creek without the redeeming qualities is the vibe

    Lee
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Maybe it's because after 42 years my mother has yet to bother to learn what I like, but the number of people who snub gifts is astounding. You don't pick your gifts, that's why they are gifts. You smile, say thank you and take it to a thrift store asap. There is no need at all to hurt anyone's feelings, and that's all the neighbors did at that point. Maybe it was not his style and I don't think most 21 year old men would get excited for a blanket but the mother could have been more tactful, or told him to grow a pair and tell OP he didn't want it himself.

    RavenwoodJones
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm sorry but I think that's ridiculous. Your mother SHOULD have an idea what you like and want. The idea that you should just accept any gift then give it away if you don't like it is stupid and also a huge problem on its own. By now everyone should know how much thrift stores throw out. So donating unwanted items is absolutely not a solution. Gift giving SHOULD be about the recipient. Taking five minutes to ask what someone wants is better for everyone. In ensures the givers time and money aren't wasted and gives the recipient something they will actually use. Which means less c**p ends up thrown away.

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    הגר שוהם
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I once bought a friend two really expensive vynil records of the Beatlles and her favorite band Cammel for her birthday, after giving it a lot of thought and searching for several weeks I finally found the records in a store at the mall. We met for lunch, I wished her a happy birthday and gave her the bag, she glanced at the records and casually said "oh thanks. I have those, but it's ok, I'll just return them and get something else." I was shocked but I didn't want to ruin her birthday so I just cried into my soup and excused myself after an hour. Eight years later she still hasn't apologized and I still haven't forgiven her.

    Well-Dressed Wolf
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She was honest, and you want her to apologize for that? Should she have lied to you? Does she know you expect her to apologize? How would you have felt if she hadn’t said anything and had just returned the records later, and the next time you were over at her house you noticed that the sleeves on those records were tattered/not new (since they’re the copies she had already owned), and you learned THEN that she returned the gift copies? Why aren’t you happy that your friend bought herself something that maybe made her happy with the money from the returned records? What would you seriously have preferred her to have done?

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    Juliet Murphy
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    For the makers: You can tell by the comments that younger generations are self absorbed and unappreciative- and largely disrespectful. If your heart demands that you give them something, toss a $20 gift card into a card and be done with it. Save your time and effort for those you know will love what you've made or at least appreciate that you thought so much of them to pour your time, energy, and heart into their gift. (Or sell it on Etsy or something.) I have several things that people I love made and I treasure them, even if they're not to my taste. And afghan can layer under a bedspread and you can enjoy the warmth and think of them when you see it. A crocheted doll my late grandmother made, as homely as it is, is cherished because of the love that went into every stitch- I feel that love and remember her. It's comforting. These ungrateful people are the products of how they were raised. I actually feel sorry for them and how much they're missing.

    Lavender Oak
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Younger generations still craft and do art, they are makers too. You're ignorant and disrespectful yourself. So shut up.

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    Juliet Murphy
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I am amazed at the number of self-absorbed, ungrateful, snotty jerks who commented on that post. Obviously, I was raised differently. First, someone thought enough of you to give you a gift at all- be grateful that they care, there are an awful lot of people who don't. Second, when someone gives you something they made, specifically for you, they are giving from their heart. Every second spent making that gift, they are thinking of you and giving you love. There's a lot of thought and love in 900 hours of hand stitching an afghan. Third, what happened to, "it's the thought that counts"? How many people do you know who didn't think of you at all? Finally, if you are going to return a hand made gift, try to find modicum of class and respect for their time and effort. "It's lovely, but it's not my style. It should go to someone who will use it and love it as something you worked so hard on deserves." And give back the whole gift, don't just pocket the cash, that's crass and callous.

    Jade Hei
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Also, why are people saying she gave him money? The article only says she used 120$ for the materials.

    Lavender Oak
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    No it doesn't, you just didn't read properly. It was $120 in materials AND $121 CASH.

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    Dawnieangel76
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Handmade gifts are one of a kind. The artist, because that's what they are, puts a bit of themselves into a gift like that. It shows how much they care, OR perhaps that's the only means they have of gift-giving due to monetary issues. You take a gift, say thank you & then do with it what you wish, but there's no need to be a spoiled, ungrateful, douchebag.

    Lavender Oak
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Money issues? Wow you really have no idea do you? $120 worth of yarn to make a single blanket doesn't scream money issues.

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    Diana
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have found beautiful handmade crocheted throws for my sofa at thrift stores. My suggestion would be to donate it to a baby in a neo-natal unit. I'm sure the parents works appreciate the thought. Just leave out any you're donating it.

    Keepa Lowprofile
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm glad the blanket was returned so she could give it to someone else. Imagine the shock if she had gone into a charity shop and her blanket was there. I disagree keeping a gift you don't like and then getting rid of it later. That's extremely rude.

    Freelove
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm sorry, but on what planet does someone assume that what a 21 year old man wants for his birthday is a crocheted blanket? I hate to sound like an a-hole here, but no one asked for that blanket or gave any kind of indication that it would be a good gift. OP chose to put an ungodly amount of work into HER choice for a gift, and quite honestly it was a very poor gift idea. One of my coworkers forces her sister's handmade crocheted things on the rest of the department at every turn and I. CAN'T. STAND. IT. I hate everything she makes, it's not my thing AT ALL, and I HATE having someone else's taste forced on me.

    Kristy O
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think it's nice they gave it back, if they aren't going to use it...I mean she put a lot of time and money in it. They likely know that and had he just said thank you and then donated it...would that have been better? This way she could still gift it, to perhaps someone who would use it. I don't think most 21 year old men would want a blanket from anyone, unless it's grandma. Lol I also would just leave it at the $121 cash gift...they can get their own designer things. That's what works best.

    Janet J
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I thought it was actually thoughtful of them to return the gift to the giver/maker, rather than use it as a dog blanket, or in the back of a truck, or just throw it away.

    Cheese Man
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That blanket is truly hideous. Yes, they were rude about it, but why on earth would you give someone a gift they don't like. It's your hobby, not theirs. We learn in elementary school to give people gifts THEY want, not stuff we would like. Personally, I would accept it with a fake smile, then shove it to the bottom of the closet, never to be seen again.

    RavenwoodJones
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Did none of these "just graciously accept any gift regardless of what it is" people ever stop to think by doing so you are allowing the giver to believe it's something they should continue gifting? Let's say you get handmade wool socks. If you don't tell the person you are allergic or just find them itchy and instead say you enjoy them they might end up giving you mittens and a scarf because the socks were so well received. Or if someone brings a dish to a family meal that no one really likes. If you don't bother to step in and say so it might become the thing they bring to every get together. No one made the op spend so much time on this blanket. And I have to agree 900 hours is absurd. She must be very slow to take that long. But at the same time she also had ages to ask her friend/ the son about it. I do a lot of crafting. I would absolutely NEVER waste my time on a project like that without first getting input from the intended recipient.

    RavenwoodJones
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Even a simple "what colors do you like" would have gone so far. And as for "everyone needs blankets." Sure that may be true. But everyone also already has blankets. Just because the item is functional doesn't mean there can't be too many of it.

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    Rebecca L. Gray
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don't know how to crochet but like some crocheted items. That don't mean that I would like to receive a ugly crocheted Christmas sweater for a gift. Did the friend or her son tell you that he would like to have a blanket for his birthday? That is the main and only question that really needs to be answered. The answer to the question will clear air and end the discussion.

    Aleksandra
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I wish i had someone who would knit gifts for me, i would embroider for them in exchange (embroidery takes less time tho..) But I also agree that as sad and ungrateful it was from that friend and her son, it was also not the smartest by the crafter to spend so much time and money on something she wasn't sure one would appreciate. It's not really surprising that 21yo boy didn't really feel the need for the blanket and in my opinion it's better he gave it back than throw it away so she could find someone else to gift it to. If you're an artist don't spend too much time on your art for gifts if you're not sure they'll be appreciated, for own sake. People have different taste and styles, they may not be into crochet or embroidery etc. People who don't do any handmade art may not realize how much time and heart it takes so they don't appreciate it as much too.

    AK to LV
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My great-Aunt sent a crocheted blanket to my Dad after she had come to visit us in Alaska in 1986. I thought it was weird at the time to send a grown man a blanket the is stripes of red, pink and gray. It wasn't any of our tastes but we put it on the back of the couch. That coming Winter, the blanket really came in handy. In fact, I'm using it right now :)

    Injun Joe
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Really?! I don't know how to knit. Would like to. Some people think they're entitled. I would have asked for the money back. If someone would spend x amount of time and money on me, I'd be gracious. Especially a knitted blanket. I'd prefer a homemade gift over a store bought anyway. Means a whole lot to us when you put forth this effort. Feels good, appreciated. Some entitled people are just entitled to a firm pop in the head to come around over their senses.

    Andy
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Was going to comment on the friend, however then got to the comments (in the story) and more shocked by the basic lack of manners and spoiled attitude of a lot of these people. By all means you do not have to like a gift, but you smile, say thank you and then stick it in a drawer or cupboard until you have a clear out. To say that she was trying to manipulate people or that they were right to rudely reject it to make a point that she was wrong to give them that gift just come accross as awful, entitled people who have no regard for other people's feelings

    susan turer
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Exactly, the blanket was not the only gift she gave him. So if he didn't like it just say thank you for gifts and give the one you do not like away. There is no reason to return a gift you do not like, just pass it on to a charity or something. My issue with many of the responses is that manners and kindness should not be forgotten and all right to give up on if you did not ask for or want something. It takes so little time to show and say thank you (especially to a friend or family member), then you are free to do as you will with the gifts.

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    MiriPanda
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I fully understand the hurt and personally would have kept it in a heartbeat, but am I the only one to find a crocheted blanket a little strange gift for a 21 year old young man? 🤔 (I don't return gifts unless it's a size or duplicate issue as those can easily be fixed and don't hurt anybodys feelings).

    Nathan Wolfe
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In winter, a crocheted blanket is a perfect supplement to any blanket. Adds weight, holds heat, but is breathable. I'm 29 and if someone gifted me a hand crocheted blanket, I'd likely break down and ball my eyes out. I haven't had one since my dog shredded the last one my great grandma made me before she passed.

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    Deborah B
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I craft. It's expensive and time consuming, and I do it for me. Other people are not obligated to like it, or want it. Putting 900 hours into a blanket and expecting someone else to value it as highly as you do is setting yourself up for disappointment. If you are going to do a gift for someone, FFS ask what they would like. Saying "I would love to crochet a blanket for your son, do you think he would like that? Is there something else he'd like better?" Would have been polite and sensible. He's 21 - it's more likely than not that this blanket is not to his taste, and he may even be uncomfortable that a woman his mom's age is giving him handcrafts that she spent 900 hours on.

    Joseph Miller
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He should have just been a man and return it himself. He softer than that blanket he had his mommy return.

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    Kitty Jordan
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    1. Omg, black velvet yarn?! I crochet and that's a horrible thing to work with. 2. The people defending the son... no. Even if it's not your style, you do NOT get to be rude about it. You thank the person for the gift, then quietly give it away. Returning it but keeping the cash because he only accepts "Designer gifts" (was the cash designer?) is rude as all get out. I fully understand that not everything is to someone's tastes, and they have a right to give it away. I crochet and I've made gifts that were appreciated, and some that I'm pretty sure were given away. That's fine. The recipient at least appreciated the time and effort that went into it. It boggles me that anyone could think being that rude is okay.

    ewa
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We don't even know if he was rude though - no direct words from the young man

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    Kim Lorton
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When I worked as a home Hospice nurse, i had a patient that crocheted so beautifully and fast! When I met her she was so sickly. She took an upswing for 6 weeks and crocheted like crazy for her family. I worked with her to help with her final release, so she would not be afraid when death happened. About halfway through the six month mark, she wanted to make me an afghan. She said to pick my colors a d she made me the most beautiful afghan! A grey blue dark and a dark dusty rose color. I cherish it. She taught me how to crochet also. When she passed, she gracefully left me all her yarn! I had no idea until her husband called me. So i went over there and she had an entire small walk in closet filled with yarn! There was no way to use it all, so i donated a great deal of it to a group of women who made afghans for veterans, children in the hospital, other hospice patients. It went to a great cause and they were able to make so many for everyone to have!

    Violet Jensen
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Oh my god this isn’t Gen Z vs. Boomer. I’m Gen Z and knit a bunch of scarves for friends who “wished they had a handmade scarf 😉”. None of them ever wore them

    Lavender Oak
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm a millennial (35) and I've been crocheting since my 20s, knitting a few years now too. Anyone throwing "boomer" around this topic is deeply out of touch. Crochet has exploded with Gen Z right now.

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    Casey McAlister
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I mean, before throwing a whole lot of money and time into a gift, make sure it's something this person would like to have. Not everybody wants a blanket, besides maybe they won't like the color scheme and pattern - there are a lot of things that can go wrong. Personally, I wouldn't really like my birthday gift to be black and vapour gray, that's too gloomy, nobody died, we are celebrating my birthday. Such things should be done by request, otherwise there is a high risk everybody will end up disappointed: they because they got something they don't like and you because your hard work wasn't appreciated. That's being said, if you receive a gift you don't like, you always can just smile, say thank you and put it away somewhere. Telling the person who made the gift that you only want designer blankets is weird and rather uncalled of.

    Purple light
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why the down votes? Your answer is nuanced and has a good critique of both sides.

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    Donna Brown
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The friend is not a friend. If she were, she would have shown some appreciation for your effort. She should have just kept the blanket and said nothing about her son’s attitude. She is raising a brat who is going to be trouble in the future, if he is not already trouble. Friends don’t make other friends feel bad. Friends lift each other up. Find another friend.

    Wood Carver
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As an avid crafter, with a small side quest making wood leather and metal crafts I can confidently say my work isn't everyone's style. I ask if people like anything I've made or if they express excitement for one piece vs another, however my work is pretty my style, which is not Abercrombie by any means. I would not be offended if anyone said it's not my style. That being said, I'd not have started it without confirming you want it, even for a Christmas gift. It takes money and more costly time to make these things but the making is for me, so the recipient is only obligated as far as any normal gift, not to lavish me with praise because it was more work than shopping... nor less because it was made not bought. It is a gift, we have social norms for accepting them. Your friend sucks for returning a gift, and for telling you why. You suck for acting like he did anything worse than say that target duvet is not my style... he didn't ask you for 900 hours of your time

    Minath
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I wonder if the son even saw the blanket, it could have been the co-worker deciding that the son wouldn't want it. They could have just said thank you and donated it, there was no need to be so rude, especially when there was $121 included with the gift.

    Michelle A
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Bet he would have taken a blanket emblazoned with LV or Gucci. Unless he lives in a place that never gets the least bit chilly...he'll need a blanket or two. Im going with what his mom said here..its Not that he didnt like the blanket, it wasnt "designer". Folks done turned a womans nice gesture into an evil deed. You would swear she kicked some puppies. "Off with her head!" *eye roll*

    Quinn Merrill
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is a common topic on Crafter Facebook pages. People find their gifts on the floor of the laundry room for tbe dog to sleep on. I'm happy this lady got her blanket returned and donated it to a veteran. Win/Win. I currently crochet small blankets for adopted cats and kittens at a local rescue. Each adopted kitty gets on for their carrier. The rescue place supplies me with donated yarn. There are many places who would loved crocheted or knitted items. My mother received a donated Prayer Shawl when in the hospital. She wore it out. Project Linus makes blankets for kids in hospitals. Many crafting groups knit and crochet hats and mittens for kids in need. Not everyone is unappreciative. Find an outlet who will welcome your lovely work with open arms.

    Ari Keeper
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I received a Prayer Shawl in the hospital; it meant so much to me + I still have it.

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    rumade
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm an artist and crafter, and sat on my bed right now with a crochet blanket I made myself, and I side with the people in the latter part of this article. You are BONKERS to spend that much time and resources on someone you do not know well enough to know whether they would like a handmade gift. Especially something like a crochet blanket, which always *looks* handmade, is heavy and difficult to wash. Unless he had seen another one you had made and said "oh I'd love one!" you never should have made in the first place. You're not his Grammy.

    David Taylor
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Completely agree, I've had gifts made for me that im sure took a lot of time effort and skill, but not something I would like in the slightest. I would say thats lovely thankyou etc even though the gifts were not my thing, this then encouraged said crafters to make me more of this stuff putting in me in the position of either xoming clean that I lied and think the stuff is hideous or having to stockpile all this stuff but making sure its visable when they visited. You can't win in that situation.

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    Ba-Na-Na
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Alright- 21 or not, a blanket will ALWAYS come in handy at some point in that kids’ life….college, first apartment/home etc. The OP should know though, as with selling or gifting homemade crafts-you can’t expect people to appreciate the effort, nor can you charge for your time. The only ones who “get it” are a few kind hearted people and fellow crafters. Those are the breaks

    Kristie French
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don’t crochet, but my mom does constantly. She’s very gifted at it. She has made some very intricate, beautiful, California king sized afghans, but I’ve never known of her taking 900 hours to make one. Working on it 8 hours a day, with weekend off, that’s half a year. Either this OP is very slow at crocheting, or this is an extreme exaggeration.

    Violet Smith
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As a crocheter, I just have to say "900 hours!?" I get that it's a bigger blanket, but that number still seems way too high. But then again, maybe she's a very slow crocheter. I've learned over the years that putting so much effort into a homemade thing is really a c**p-shoot; you have no idea whether the recipient will like or use the final product. It's better to tell the person that you'd like to make them something, ask what they want/need (hat? scarf? mitts?) and what colours and fibres they prefer (some people cannot wear wool). It's less of a surprise for them, but less wasted effort on your part. As for the manners aspect of all this, I was always taught from early childhood that when you get a gift, you smile graciously and say thank you no matter whether you love it or not.

    Craig Reynolds
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What I just wonder is why she would make something that takes a huge amount of time and effort for a friend's son without even mentioning it to her friend. I imagine if she had mentioned it, the friend would have told her not to do it and her self-inflicted hurt could have been avoided. I also think the friend could have handled it better.

    Sue B
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We really don't know if she mentioned it to her son. Maybe she did and didn't like the results. As for the time, maybe crocheting with velvet takes a much longer time than regular yarn. Idk

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    Wicked Moon216
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The problem really is the "friend". She didn't have to give it back. Even if she gave it back and said "you were incredibly thoughtful, and put in so much time, but he is a 21 year old man who doesn't appreciate it, either I can give it back to you and you can find someone who will appreciate all the love and time you put into this, or I can donate it to a charity that you feel strongly about". But just to handle it so rudely! Personally, I would be SO incredibly touched, and felt so loved if someone made something just for me!!! I have these old crocheted Christmas stockings that my husbands aunt made for us before our girls were born because I have one from when I was growing up, and I said I wanted more of them for my husband and future children. Every year when I pull them out of my Christmas decorations I smile, and I'm so incredibly thankful that someone put in the time, effort and love just for something that I wanted.

    Pavlina G
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I know I am in the minority here. Full disclosure, I am a artist. I crochet, sew, and make jewelry. I make things for my immediate family, and I sell a few things here and there. I would never make someone a blanket without some input on style, color choice, pattern, fiber content in etc. Handmade gifts come with a big helping of personal feelings. When you give a handmade gift, you expect the person to love it, but you can't control how they actually feel about it.

    Mer☕️🧭☕️
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That blanket is art made with love. Sounds like the vet who gets no visitors would be a more worthy friend.

    Anony Mouse
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I am skeptical about this story. 900 hours? I'm not doubting that a skillful craftsperson would take that kind of time, but without knowing in advance that it would be appreciated? And then the kicker - donating it to a disabled veteran who also didn't get any visitors? I am having a hard time believing this person took a break from polishing their halo to tweet this.

    Malina1606
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I understand she was hurt and I really think the friend and her son should have chosen their words more carefully. But if it was me I wouldn't want my friend to smile and say "thanks" and hate my gift in silence. I expect my friends to tell me the truth, even if it's uncomfortable. I actually had this situation with a friend years ago and after a moment of disappointment I was grateful for her honesty. It made me trust her more. Btw I crotchet a lot and I offer my creations to my friends or ask if I can make something for them (except for small pieces, they are fine as a surprise). I find it much easier this way.

    Sigrún Hlín
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If I've spent a lot of time on something I'm proud of, I would rather get it back so that I can give it to someone who appreciates it.

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    Robyn Ward
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Does the "entitled friend's son" not know THIS IS a designer product? You designed it and made it. One of a kind because no two people crochet/knit/sew/create the same and how does he think designers get their products? Machines think for themselves?

    Nightshade1972
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The OP says that her friend handed her back the gift, claiming that her son didn't like it. If they (both ladies) have been friends that long that she's known Son his whole life, I'd have asked him directly. I can't help but think that OP's alleged "friend' thought the afghan was ugly, and never bothered passing it on to Son. It may well be that Friend is the ungrateful one, not her son.

    Ann Marie
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It can be risky to give something to decorate with under any circumstances. Do the colors/pattern go with their decor and furniture? Is it to their taste? I don't want hand painted inspirational plaques, wreathes, knickknacks, etc. I have enough as it is. I don't need another afghan or handmade ceramics. Unless I collect a specific item, please don't add to it. Handmade gifts I love getting are things like cookies, caramel corn, a bag of homemade noodles, crocheted or knit potholders, dishcloths. Spending so much time on a blanket was a generous and kind act of love. The only problem was it was for a 21 year old man who didn't know what to do with it. Returning it was probably the best thing he could do. Considering the time and effort you put into it, it would have been sad to just hide it away. This way, You can gift it to someone who you know will love it!. However, the return should have been handled more graciously.

    EM
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Unless I know a person well enough to know they will love an item in making them, I always ask first... and I ALWAYS get their color preferences, or have them pick out a yarn color in a ruse that I'm making somethjng for skmeone else. Regardless of the time spent crafting the item, or its value, the recipient should always be grateful. Everyone LOVES to give gifts to a GRATEFUL-hearted person. Wait a few days, say the gift isnt working for your space, or you might be allergic to the yarn and ask the giver if they would like it to gift to someone else, or if they would mind if you passed it on. Lord... people need to act with common decency AND common sense. Why offend someone who has given you a gift by being offensive in your manner and speech. A gift doesnt have to be LOVED to be appreciated for what the gift truly is: a person(s) extending themselves toward you with love and kindness. That is the real gift!!! Accept it with a full heart!!

    Philenzortia
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A friend knitted for a me a mermaid blanket for my birthday a few years ago! It is not as amazing as some that I've seen online, but mine is much more gorgeous because she knitted specially for me, and no one else has a blanket like mine ❤️. The OP friend is an awful human being, if someone gives you something purchased or handmade, and you don't like it just say thank you with the best poker face you have. There's no need to break someone else's feelings! Edited: Spelling

    Candice Cook
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's really strange to me that so many people have the attitude of "don't buy gifts people might not like"...like what? How difficult is it graciously accept whatever you're given whether you like it or not? There are grandmas everywhere knitting ugly sweaters as I write this that would be absolutely devastated if this happened to them. It's ungrateful and disrespectful. If you don't like a gift...give it away, toss it, regift it, anything other than taking a dump on the feelings of a person that cares about you enough to give you a gift. Sheesh.

    Mira Loran
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If the kid really s**t on the gift, that's rude of him but gifts aren't about you, it's about the receiver. There's something to be said about someone who gives gifts but has zero idea about or care about the recipient's taste. I love giving gifts and people often praise me on it because I'm good at it. I actually care about what they want. I don't give gifts based on what I would like or my subjective tastes. I listen to what people say and observe what they gravitate to which enables me to select great gifts without needing to ask outright. I WANT them to love it so I work to pick something they'll want. If I didn't know them well then I would ask. I'm an artist, I don't paint for people who aren't into art. I don't make clothes for people who aren't into fashion. And I wouldn't crochet for people who aren't into crochet.

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    Linnoff
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    First, always be kind and gracious when receiving a gift. Even if it's not for you, that person still gave you something. That said, it would be great if we could normalize graciously declining gifts. As for crafters (and I say this as one myself) while a surprise can be nice, the best responses I've gotten from people are when I ask for their input first so it can really be tailored to them.

    Okiedokie
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I too sleep under a blanket. I know, shocking, I should have given it up for sleeping blanketless once I came of age, letting the frigid winter air/air conditioner blast into the gaps of my flannel PJS, but alas, I cannot be weaned. This 21 year old is clearly more of a man than me. If some kind person made me a blanket, I would send them back a painting or a poem with all the gratefulness of a pathetic loser who recognizes hard work when they see it regardless of quality or quantity. If it wasn’t my style, I would donate it, & I sadly would not be capable of being outright rude about it and accusing it of not being designer quality 🙄Honestly, when did we get into having such a pick and choose mentality regarding what we receive as gifts?

    Jelena Putinja
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    my grandma crocheted so many things and gifted me bunch of them all trough my life - I never liked it displayed around my house but I keep them neatly folded in my closet because of all the love she has put in that work - she passed year ago but my kids will one day get her work passed down to them

    Lori Harper
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My neighbor's (lovely woman; like a second mother to me) BLIND mother make an afghan for my daughter when she was a baby. Beautiful: peach and white. Something I couldn't have done WITH sight, let alone blind. The problem was, the blanket was too big and heavy for a baby, so I gave it to my daughter when she grew up. The neighbor passed away a few years ago, but my daughter cherishes the blanket made with love from our neighbor and her mother. The gift may not be used at the time of giving, but packed away for another time or given on to someone who would appreciate it, IMO would have been better than handing it back with the comment that OP's friend chose to give. Find better friends, OP

    NHL37
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I’ll be friends with any of these people that take time to make beautiful hand made gifts. I adore that kind of thing! I’d be so thrilled to receive a blanket like this!

    Sunny Day
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Question - did the son decline the blanket, or did his mom decline it for him and he knew nothing about it? And how much more "designer" can you get than something direct from the artist? There is an old story about a poor little boy who wanted to get a gift for his teacher. He knew she loved the ocean, but it was many miles from their small village. But he started walking. It took him 4 days to reach the shore. He spent some time looking for the perfect shell, then carefully carried it the 4 day return trip. When he gave it to the teacher, she cried "but you went so far to get this!". And he replied "yes, Miss, but the journey was part of the gift."

    2picklesinabun
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You either refuse a gift before opening it or you accept it fully and even if you don't like it, BE POLITE and say thank you. Wtf is wrong with you people. No one has manners anymore. If the gift isn't to your taste then donate it later. Don't be a dipshit to people who are trying to do something nice to you.

    Poppy Petal
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What I don't get is, why can't one ask the person to be gifted about maybe colours they like or yarn they like? It's super thoughtful to create something for someone but to overlook the other one with colour and style of your own choice is not.

    Olive oil
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don't get it. It's just a blanket. Everything is about feelings. "Oh, don't give it back to her! That's RUDE!" "Oh, it's RUDE if you don't say anything and tuck it away or donate it!" To please everyone I guess you have no choice but to use the gift whether you like it or not. On the other hand, only designer stuff? Dude is 21. Can he afford designer everything? Isn't the main point of blankets is to keep you warm and cozy? Since when did we have to ask about colors and styles of things before giving anything to anyone? What happened to " it's the thought that counts?" Did I miss the memo where we had to get the approval of the receiver before ever giving anything to anyone? Can't surprise anyone with a nice gift anymore because they might not like it. Whatever. I think it's funny how the internet(myself included) can get riled up about anything. Even an unappreciated blanket. Maybe we are a little bit too connected with one another. I guess that's a bit hypocritical of me tho...

    Miranda Gehris
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Asking about colors and styles was specific to hand-made gifts, as a way to avoid the crafter putting time and money into something that can't be returned or exchanged for something the person would use, like you can with store-bought.

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    Merilyn Horton
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Wow, those last comments smack of kicking someone when they’re down. Why must people be so unkind?

    Karen De Maio
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I crochet but in that case I know I wouldn’t have given that a gift to him. It has nothing to do with being designer. You just can tell who appreciates it and who doesn’t. I’ve given crocheted gifts and everyone loved them. They thought it was more work to crochet then to buy a gift. I agree with some person said he should’ve given back the money. You can’t pick and choose what you gift you want. Someday his mother will get a taste of herself being rude. Keep on crocheting but don’t waste hours on an ungrateful person.

    Andrea Lanteigne
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think the way they rejected the gift is the worst part. It does make then sound very entitled. This would’ve happened with nearly any gift she gave. There’s no issue in rejecting a gift, but the way they did it would make me never give another one again or even help them because they only like designers.

    Bookmaiden
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have a blanket my grandmother crocheted (she learned to crochet when she was in her 60s). It's ugly as all get out but I LOVE that blanket! It's so incredibly warm but, most importantly, it's something I have left from my grandma. I adore handmade gifts and would rather have something handmade than "designer" or store-bought.

    Tina Hugh
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I assume the mother was clumsily saying the gift should not be wasted on him because he won’t appreciate it. To the people suggesting the son quietly donate a gift someone spent 900 hours making—noooo. It’s a precious heirloom, not something to just be donated

    Israel Martinez
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is why I just don't do things without any idea if it will be well-received or the attitude of the recipient ... my children made me the weirdest crafts in school and I accepted them because that was an effort where they had me in mind, just as I have made things for them ... take that as a lesson learned ... a gift unasked for can turn into a gift unappreciated ...

    deanna woods
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I am thirty seven years old and sleep with the crocheted blanket that my mom made for me last year every single night. She put in a lot of time and I really respect the effort. Not only that, but it is very beautiful.

    Vera Rios
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Crocheted blankets are warm and not at all strange. All crocheted items are beautiful works pf art. Wait until winter comes he will need that blanket then. I love crochet items but i dont share it with many people for this reason not everyone appreciates homemade crafts.

    Tara
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It doesn't matter what the gift is. Whatever happened to "it's the thought that counts"? You thank the giver for thinking of you.

    Lavender Oak
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As a crafter I think it's really important to consider the recipient before you even start the project. Only make things you know for 100% sure they will like and take care of. And for those that say young men wouldn't like blankets, you're just wrong. Especially if these men are living on their own for the first time. I'm a millennial and I pay attention to crochet/knit trends, I damn well know Gen Z is EXTREMELY into crochet. It's all over tik tok. But perhaps they like modern crochet patterns, not what boomers tend to make. All that to say, the "friend" and son are total jerks. Regardless of if they liked the blanket, she also gave money. They returned the blanket, which they easily could have just stored away in the closet or donated. They didn't return the money. I genuinely wonder the real relationship between the "friends" is. I don't know any friends of mine that would be so rude.

    Mary Rose
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I can agree with some of the issues here. OP is right to be hurt with mama's comment about son only wanting designer items. That comment was unnecessary. Son was not required to like the blanket, but should have let OP know he appreciated the gift, it wasn't his taste, and would she like it back or would she be okay with him donating it. Personally, I would have kept it. I have a wonderful friend who crocheted a blanket for me as a Christmas gift. I really wasn't keen on the colors, but I knew it was a labor of love and gratefully accepted it. Three moves and three kids later, that afghan is always on a couch or chair, many times wrapped around someone relaxing , reading or napping.

    Jade Hei
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm a crafter(not super good but anyways) and it would suck so much if someone disliked what I made for them, especially if they were rude about it like in this instance. The son& mother should have been more graceful about it. It's okay to not like the gift, we all get those gifts sometimes. But there is no excuse for being callous about it. Asking about colours etc beforehand is a good policy to avoid giving a bad gift.making something smaller is a good idea if you haven't asked for preference from the receiver. Useful everyday things like socks, beanies, scarfs, kettleholders, small toys, bookmarks, reusable swabs and washcloths etc. Are nice gifts and most people probably would like them. It is your decision to make a time-consuming item with expensive materials without asking. The gift should be about the receiver and it should not come with strings attached (pun not intended).

    Corey Askwith
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    it's a blanket, had it been a sweater or clothing i would understand but it can be used for many things. It seems like a good gift to me. I'd be offended if I was you

    rotimi akintewe
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I feel appalled at some of the painful responses here,the guy is an ungrateful wretches l see it especially with his moms comments. It's a gift which should have been received with thanks and appreciation and whatever he did with it later would have been his business. I'm definitely going to think 2ce before giving anyone anything.Arrrrgh this pisses me off

    Mary Basso
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I also learned the hard way about hand made gifts. Now I only make for myself and when someone asks if I would make something I say NO.

    Lori foley
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I would tell my so called "friend" that I only accept designer friends from now on, buh bye.

    Barbara Walker
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Before I retired I would crochet baby afghans for the younger nurses who were expecting. They were always well received. The word got around and nurses on other units would come to me and ask if I would make them one also, and I gladly made for those nurses as well. And everyone would "gift" me a picture of their baby with the afghan.

    Dean Turner
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I can't even tell you how many gifts I'd received growing up that I didn't like or disappointed me, and I accepted each and every one of them graciously. But here's the thing... This "designer" gift that he would have preferred is made by a machine or an underpaid worker in Vietnam for pennies on the dollar, and typically only an hour or so goes into it's production, and yet we associate name recognition with quality. Example, a $200 pair of Prada sunglasses costs the company $4 to make, and yet we throw out money at it like the name really matters. This kid is an idiot. That blanket was probably better quality than any designer gift he could have ever received. Based on the picture, I would have loved it. That reminds me, my mother made me a microfiber blanket for me for Christmas when I was in my early 20's. black with gray Japanese dragons all over it, I'm 40 now and the blanket is sitting at my desk in the office because the AC is kept cold. Thanks, mom!

    Dean Turner
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I just realized, if this lady was paid $1 per hour, the blanket would have been worth $1,120, minimum.

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    Pastel Mint
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I can't believe people were saying she was being manipulative, by making him a blanket. She also gave him $121.00 which he kept, but returned the blanket and his mom said "He only accepts designer things". Not everyone can afford designer items for themselves, let alone someone else. A blanket is something you can use for many different things a lunch date at the park, going camping, cuddling by the fire on a cold day and so on. I feel like the son and mother are being manipulative, especially saying he likes only designer goods. Most designer items are easily $150+, so to expect someone to buy you a present that expensive is extremely ridiculous. He could have kept the blanket and then given it away or sold it. Seen many designer blankets that are knitted and crocheted, it's becoming very popular. I'm wondering if the son even saw the gift, or maybe the mom opened the gift beforehand seeing there was no designer tag and just returned it. We will fully never know both sides of this.

    Mickey Hunt
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    All of you who says this is just boomers wanting to be appreciated for their work even though they didn't ask before making the item are just inconsiderate. I'm a millennial and if anyone asked me or my generation what we want we would say money but money isn't a gift that shows any thought or care. I have never turned away, trashed or donated a hand crafted gift that was made with someone's precious time and love. It's always an item that can be used even if it's not your personal taste. Anyone that would return it is just entitled and ungrateful.

    Ari Keeper
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The comments in the 2nd part are APPALLING, but I'm glad OP got some love.

    Steven Bennett
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Assuming you could even find a "designer" blanket for $120, it would almost certainly fall apart after a few years, whereas a hand-made afghan of that quality could potentially last GENERATIONS! What a pair of idiots!

    Bella V
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I can't even with some of these comments. (in the story, not here) It's not a weird gift for a 21 yo man. Everyone needs blankets. It was black and grey (matches everything) and was made with stupid soft yarn. He and his mother were rude. And the person that said it was ugly at the end... I just can't with people.

    Julie
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The comment about a lot o boomers annoys me. It was my very boomer mother who taught me to be grateful. And I guess it's because we didn't have a lot and I was raised in hand-me-downs that I'm not so picky as that kid. But my mom wouldn't have let me be. But yet, they don't deserve it then. And maybe people are just less grateful in general. I also don't get the whole why do you assume someone will like something question about a gift. That's what we're doing now? No nice surprises?

    YetAnotherSarah
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have a way bigger issue with the friend who didn't just fold the blanket and tuck it away until her son matured enough to develop the appreciation, and tell OP that her son said thank you. Sometimes lies are okay. I keep seeing comments about how a blanket is a bad gift for a 21 year old... It's a *blanket*. Everyone needs a blanket at some point. Good gift, maybe not. But *bad* gift? Absolutely not.

    YetAnotherSarah
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Question for crocheters: Nine HUNDRED hours??! Is that accurate? Five hours a day for six months is how long it takes to make a blanket?

    Jacky Newman
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Last year I made a huge blanket within 4 month. I don't know exactly how many hours it took, but defently not 900hrs.

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    Unaffected
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is why I always give money to anyone above the age of 10.They can buy what they want.

    The Starsong Princess
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I make quilts for all family weddings and babies. But I always have a conversation with the recipient first to make sure they want it. They decide the colours and get input into the design so it reflects their taste. It’s too much work if it isn’t appreciated. Not everyone is quiltworthy.

    Bobbi McGough Robert
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If I make something as a gift for somebody and they don't want it I would really appreciate it if they returned it to me and didn't just give or throw it away.

    Jihana
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I am obsessed with blankets. I'd rather use 3 blankets than use one duvet. I would LOVE to have a handmade one. Even if I would probably never use it out of fear of ruining it LOL

    Jerry T
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's the thing about art, it doesn't matter how much it means to you, others just might not like it. I did a painting for my nephew when he was a baby. It was a picture from Where the Wild Things Are of Max in his boat. It is still one of my favorite things I've ever done. It was spot on. It looked like I just photographed the page and printed it on a larger canvas. I spent hours getting all the cross-hatching just right. A few years later I was in their garage looking for a bike pump when I found it shoved in a box all beaten up with a bunch of yard waste and kindling. I was heart broken and I still can't really let it go but I have to because I gave it away. While I think I would have been a little offended if they had given it back, I would have preferred it to the alternative.

    s0nicfreak
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It actually is designer. OP chose the colors, and either chose the layout or picked a pattern. So OP *designed* the blanket and handmade it! Put a label on there and watch people's perception of it change (and I know this, because I actually sell things I make). And, it's a blanket. Everyone can use a blanket. It doesn't matter what "style" it is, you won't be looking at it when you're under it in the dark.

    A Yarn Addict with Karen
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm a crocheter and I love giving gifts I can make but I have found out it's always better to ask someone first. I'm not going to put all the time and energy into something that I don't know is wanted. I ask my family with any gift what they want. I don't mind at all asking. When my children were young I used to put a lot of effort into getting them things that were special just for them. I knew their likes and dislikes then so it was easy. They are grown with families of their own and I don't know all of their likes and dislikes any more. As with friends they know I crochet so I ask before buying the yarn. In the story I think the friend and her son were really rude to show the disrespect they did to the gift giver. If it had been a gift of any kind I would never return it to my friend saying something like what this "friend" said. I would put it away or give it to someone else.

    Joyce Blodgett
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've been a crocheter for 50 years, and an artist for nearly all of my 70 years. I used to stupidly crochet and give afghans to my family and friends until one day, my hideously mean monster-in-law threw a beautifully done pale blue shawl into the lit fireplace. She, too, accepted only "designer" gifts, claiming that anything handmade meant the gifter hated the recipient (I couldn't stand her, but had never heard that in my then-young life! It was exactly the opposite in my family). But to just make and gift a crocheted (or knitted, or sewn) blanket for a FRIEND's son, without asking him directly whether he'd like it, and what colors he'd prefer? No, never, not ever! That's not the right thing to do, and I don't care what others say. It's wrong, it's awkward all around, and it's putting a lot of pressure on the recipient. He should have given the money back, too, however---if it was awkward that his mother's friend made a gift for him, then it was just as awkward that she gave him $$.

    Ms A
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I’m glad that my gen z kids (14, 19, and 21) cherish the simple, handmade gifts made for them. My oldest would have LOVED that blanket that OP made! My kids were taught that not everyone has a lot of money to spend on things like electronics or designer/name brand things. Hell, my kids love going to the thrift store for clothes because they usually find name brand items for an 1/8 of the cost of new! I really do have some great kids. Yeah, it sounds like bragging, but they would never make someone feel bad about a gift. There’s nice ways to let the person know that something isn’t their style, but still showing their gratitude for the effort and thought (and love) behind the gift.

    Stephanie LaBove
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Please don't feel hurt by your friends and her shameful sons lack of respect and morals. Look at the bigger picture. This hopefully will help you to see not everyone respects your friendship, saddening to say. You did a remarkable thing making the blanket and putting so much love, time and effort into it. But they're so caught up in the rat race, they miss the fact it is a designer blanket and you are the designer. What a couple of idiots? I am sure wherever the blanket ends up it will be loved. Have faith, God knows what he is doing. That hurt you received from your best friend was to show you that you are her best friend is she truly yours?

    Candy Cane
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I am a cat person. Thus, almost every gift I received for like 30 years from my grandmother or mother and many others was always cat themed. Stuff I wouldn't even use, had no interest in, because it was cats. But I said thank you and politely attempted to steer them towards something else next time. I buy ONE fuzzy Llama plush and that year, I get everything in Llama print, and generally something for a much younger person. Most of the stuff ends up being donated, but I would never dream of just handing something back, especially not with a bad remark. Theres not much to go on, Maybe that color scheme is what the son likes? Maybe OP is exaggerating what went into it. We can't judge that. Just how rude it is to just... go "nope" on a gift. It seems so entitled to me. And, maybe I'm a little biased because fuzzy blankets are my kryptonite. I want them all. All the fluff!

    Julian Scherner
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If anyone crafted anything for me EVER, I'd cherish it all my life.

    Pan-Panda
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Who doesn't want a free, comfy blanket?!? Even if you don't plan to use it for yourself, save it for when others come over, or put it in your car to use when at a park, at the beach, or hell in case of emergency!

    JJScene
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What is up with this "style" people are talking about? If I got a blanket of any color or yarn I'd be so happy.

    Lavender Oak
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Especially in this case, gray and black thick stripes is just about as universally appealing as you can get. Not too colorful, not to neutral, not to busy with thin stripes or patterns..

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    Brandy McCoy
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I see the lack of manners as an issue but this really is more of the writers lack of managed expectations. Ask yourself, "will I still be happy with the work and money put in, if the receiver doesn't like it." I've felt hurt before making dinner for someone and them not liking. I also, at the time, didn't consider what they liked. That's on me. They still showed gratitude, and that's what's missing in this story.

    ThorsMom
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My grandmother returned a blanket I made. As a fellow crocheter, I thought she'd appreciate that one of her grandchildren had an interest. She said she had too many.

    Sharon Gersowsky
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm going to hazard a guess and say the mom didn't like the blanket and didn't bother to even ask her son about it. Designer has snob written all over it

    SobyKay
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I knit and crochet and I'm very careful who I give my items to. I never give away items that cost me tons of money, time, and effort unless I'm positive the other person would like it (i.e. Im actually close to them), or it has been specifically requested/commissioned. I appreciate the spirit of this lady who crocheted the blanket, but she just wasn't being sensible. Gifts are actually not about you, but the other person. It's up to you to be thoughtful and considerate, and other people are under no obligation to like what you give them or even receive it. I don't even agree that the polite thing to do would be to pretend to like it and then tuck it away where you can't see it, or re-gift it later. True, the other lady didnt have to make a comment about designer blankets, but she did right in giving it back. I would rather have such a gift returned to me than it be a total waste.

    D. Pitbull
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Not... super appreciating the "this thread is full of boomers who..." attitude. I'm not a boomer, I yarncraft... and I sure as HECK don't make things for people who don't want it. If I do 'foist' something on someone... I'm already in the mindset of "they might use it as a dog mat if anything"... and even then I'm like Soo.... I have extra dishcloths... you happen to need any??? yeah... I learned EARLY on from my parents that just 'cuz you make it doesn't mean they're gonna like it or want it (I saw pretty much ALL of my 'gifts' from childhood in the trash within the hour). The big thing for me is that the act of returning it with the comment of "he only likes designer stuff" was unnecessary, and felt like a purposeful jab at the gift giver. Even just saying "Thank you for the blanket, it's not really his style, but it can be used in other ways"... might be enough of a hint to the crafter of "oh. okay then... I'll ask next time"

    Journee Far
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've learned after many years of receiving gifts and not using them that we should be better about listening, watching and asking our friends and etc, what they'd like to recieve as a gift. If it is a surprise, ask a person who is really close to the reciever if they've expressed a desire to have something that they currently don't have. In the past, whenever I've given a gift, what I realized is that I gave the person what "I" wanted and not what they wanted. Essentially, I super imposed my own likes, ideas and wants onto someone else when instead I should've been approaching the situation from the view of the reciever. Take this, not as a negative, but as a learning lesson. Many people who recieve gifts are fake, smile and never use it, throw it out, or give it away. At the very least, that boy(reciever) was very honest. On the other hand, maybe the reciever can learn how to gracefully glide a rejection.

    Maureen Greenin
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Someone said ask them what they want, if you have to do that then I say don’t buy them anything. Designer goods can cost thousands and are made in their thousands, because some people fall for the hype, these days they all want to look the same, have the same, and be celebrities with no talent what so ever.The ones who get noticed are those with their own style and are their own person.

    Krispy K
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I would get my money back and he wouldn't get squat from me. He could have accepted it and said thank you and let that be it. I tell my kids be grateful for what you have because you could not have nothing at all

    haren ter berge
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A crocheted blanket is mostly not a fitting present for a 21 year old. I have been on the receiving end of such type of gifts. Having to feign gratitude for something that is not your taste, or for which you have no use, is also not a nice feeling. Especially if later on this is used as an emotional blackmail tool. "I spend so much time and effort to make this lovely blanket, but i never hear from you".

    Izzy Curer
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My grandmother always wanted to make the grandkids handmade gifts, and she never seemed to take into account who the kid was. She just made a big batch of things, and parceled them out. Sometimes they were really nice things, too, like quilts and stuff, but it always made me feel, ironically, like she didn't actually care about us. At least not as individuals. It seemed like she cared more about making the stuff. I'm a crafter myself, so I get the time and effort that goes into these things, but having a handmade 'treasure' that isn't your style ends up feeling more like a burden. Well, now you have to keep this purple monstrosity. Your grandma made it, so you can't just give it away. Even though nothing else I own is purple. Even though she would know that if she'd thought about it for two seconds, or she could have asked my parents about my preferences, if she wanted it to be a surprise. You really want to be appreciative, but it's a little painful, too. I don't want to be just another number to my grandma. Gifts are pretty much meaningless if they don't take the recipient into account.

    Cold Contagious
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My grandma crocheted and made quilts all her life. I truly treasure these handmade works of art. I have quilts and crocheted blankets that I've had for years and wouldn't trade for anything. I would always rather receive a gift like this than store bought things. I can't speak for others and don't want to, this is just my opinion.

    Donna Cheung
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    While I think the "friend" and the son were really rude (it's a GIFT, for goodness sake, just smile, say thanks and accept it!), if I were the OP I'd rather it be given back than it just lying around, never used. A lot of love went into the project! Hopefully now the new owner of the blanket will enjoy it.

    somed ay
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    No blanket in the entire world takes 900 hours to crochet. Unless it literally covers the entire world.

    Effseven Six
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Nothing says love like a blanket made just for you. I have every single one some one made for me. I will have them forever.

    Mora Chilis
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    How difficult is it for the friend to teach the young man manners. Honestly, if he didn't like the blanket he could gave given it to a cause. no need to have no decorum/respect.

    idrow1
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My mom made me a very small lap blanket out of that velvet yarn and it's so soft, I wish I had a big version like what the OP made. I wouldn't be giving that ungrateful brat or his parents any gifts going forward. They don't deserve a thing.

    Jus
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I knit socks and mittens. People don't always like hand made. I don't like crocheted stuff. The blanket isn't very appealing to me, either...

    mm65851
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The point here - is that these morons do not know how to gracefully accept a gift. They could have donated it, or regifted, etc. Doesn't really matter what the item it. Although I knit and crochet as well, and would never put that kind of time and effort into something not specifically requested or desired. I might gift hats and scarves, etc which take little effort, time, and money. And I donate other stuff.

    Skorm Carter
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Wow that guy is such a f*****g b***h. Honestly I would drop both of them. I can't even have anyone listen to me for more than 18 seconds. Let alone someone spending 900 hours of their life. That's like all the time I've put between Fallout 3 and New Vegas. This makes me so angry dude. "Designer gifts" I hope you get hit by a car doing 120.

    Betty Spotts
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It’s quite impressive, if I were talented enough to make that my son would gladly take and appreciate it, until one of his children steal it from him.. one of a blessing though, he could have taken and disposed of it without a thought so give or sell it to a person who will appreciate your loving work ❣️🤗🙏🏻

    Kiwi
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I made a really nice quilt/afghan that I found was too heavy to sleep under. I didn't have the wall space to make a hanging out of it. I asked my sister if she wanted it before I tried to sell it and she did. I found out she uses it as a dog bed. But, you know? That's ok. It looks good in her house and I love her dogs too.

    Jcusack
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I would be devestated... Are you kidding me!? first of all that blanket looks F"n AMAZING!!! Second, even at $1/hr that's a $900.00 blanket. Your "designer" & probably child labor made gift is still less than that. He is a POS son and you have a POS friend as well.

    Samantha Melnychuk
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If I make something for someone, as soon as it leaves my hands it is no longer my responsibility or right to care about it. It doesn't belong to me anymore, I gave it away. If there are negative reactions, they just don't get anything handmade from me ever again. That being said, I do take into account the person's tastes and style. As for that blanket, I'm not sure how it took 900 hours, I'm thinking that's a bit of an exaggeration, but it looks warm and at least she can pass it on to someone who will appreciate it.

    Lisa H
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My Grandma crocheted a crib blanket for me when she found out my mom was pregnant with me. I still have it as a reminder of all the love and generosity I have felt from her. I miss her and my grandpa every single day and that crib blanket is in my room on my chair right now. I can't imagine not being grateful for such a thoughtful gift.

    CatWoman312
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Okay the blanket is beautiful and nicely made, but did he want a blanket? I think the response was very rude and entitled acting, but did he specifically ask for a blanket? I wouldn’t waste my time on something like that unless I knew it was something they asked for.

    Sue B
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Who cares if he wanted a blanket? It was a gift. I'm not sure where the seemingly sudden notion where one should always ask the recipient what they want came from, but that's not the definition of a gift. Sorry, I know that you were referencing color, which in a case like this for me would make sense to ask the son's mom. She would know. That would also give her the opportunity to tell th OP that her son doesn't like anything other than "designer " brands and the whole incident could have been avoided.

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    Wysteria_Rose
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When someone hand makes something, ANYTHING, that itself is a gift and to give it back or say "well, the didn't ask for it" is awful. Period. I wove a scarf for my ex who wore it once, got teased about it by his friends, and then it was in the bottom of his closet. Every time I saw it under his shoes, I thought of the hours I spent sitting in my chair in my room weaving it with his favorite color, thinking it would keep him warm for me since we were long-distance. Notice I said he is my EX (not the reason we broke up but it spoke enough about how he would treat my efforts).

    A Yarn Addict with Karen
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It actually was a designer gift. The woman crocheting was the "designer". I'm not sure if she followed a pattern but I'll bet she added a little of her own design to it. She just wasn't one of the top designer her was looking for!!

    The Other Guest
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Best "thank you" to a handmade gift I ever got was from my BIL/SIL. I knit "Dead or Alive Fish Hats" for them and their three kids for Christmas. The thank you note from SIL included a photo of all five of them wearing their hats - in public, no less. (Pattern is here if anyone's interested: https://knitty.com/ISSUEwinter08/PATTfishy.php)

    More!
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Not siding with the 21 year old here, but at that age they usually don’t want a blanket and they have no regard for the hours it took to make one. It is rude of the mother to return it, it’s odd that she wasn’t ashamed to do so. If I were her I’d have asked my son if I could store it for him because one day he might find he has an appreciation for it, or perhaps a wife who does. Anyway, recently my mother-in-law made blankets for her grandchildren and I thought to myself, those kids are addicted to smart phones, Nikes, social media and themselves. What do they want with a crocheted blanket! What a waste, giving lovely blankets to teenagers who aren’t interested. Better to donate them to aged care residents to brighten up their rooms.

    Yettichild
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Do you know if your MILs grandchildren actually liked the blankets or not? I gave my niece a quilt I made for her 13th birthday and she absolutely loves it. She won't let anyone else touch it.

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    Marilyn Russell
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well, the behaviour was terrible by returning it with that crass explanation, but I do suppose some commenters have a point that nowadays people don’t appreciate the sentiment and value of handmade gifts anymore and maybe she should have inquired first if such a gift would be welcome. I wouldn’t give them anymore of my time or money though. I’m happy to hear that the blanket found a more deserving and appreciative recipient. My aunt sent me a crocheted throw this year and I just love it and it’s crazy colours. And yes, I wrote her a thank you note because that’s how I was raised.

    Yettichild
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've found the opposite. A lot of young people prefer hand made things because they are one of a kind and unique. Mass manufactured stuff is all the same. Maybe it's just where I live. I sold a bunch of glass ornaments I made and the ones that were slightly wonky (I was still learning) sold first.

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    Babs
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Idk, I try to check in with the person or someone who knows them well to see if they'll actually enjoy/use the handmade thing before I put in the work. And/or make it clear that if it's not their style they can pass it on or give it back and I won't be offended. I've been given handmade things that were not my taste or that I couldn't use and often they just end up sitting in a corner collecting dust because I feel bad getting rid of them. I want to give something the giftee will enjoy rather than something that makes me feel good about myself but is a burden to them.

    Samantha Cross
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I got gifted a couple of beautiful crochet blankets for my daughter when she was born. She’s now two and we still use them in when she’s in her pram and in the car when it’s cold. I would never dream of returning them. I even received some knitted cardigans that wasn’t 100% my style but I still made sure my daughter wore them when we went to visit the person who made them. The pride in seeing my daughter wearing what they made was enough for me to always be greatful for gifts like these. And also my grandma who knitted a lot has since passed away so it’s nice to have some of her love still with us 🥰 I’ve kept hold for anymore children we may have

    Karmen vrt
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm not sure why we have to be so "real" and "honest" just say thank you and pass it on to someone that will like it... and yes that blanket is not something i would give a 21year old one... i find it ugly but i would say tnx and thats it.

    Hannah Thompson
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There is a difference between not liking a gift and donating it, and not liking a gift because it wasn't store bought and returning it to the person who made it saying that it wasn't designer.

    alloutbikes@yahoo.com
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I refused a gift of a knitted baby blanket for my son. He was premature and still in the hospital. I was staying at the hospitality house near as we lived 3 county's away and I couldn't just leave him. I was trying to make him a blanket and it hurt me that someone else had done it first. We didn't know the lady. I said thank you but I'm making him one. You can give it to someone who doesn't have one. Probably rude but I was quite fragile then. It still makes me cry remembering that time of our life.

    Queen Jackson.
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It could be the uglies thing in the world and id be f*****g flattered. Like you out in that effort for me? And anything warm us a win in my book idgaf.

    Sherman Von Gee
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Dude. I have this obsession with buying crocheted anything at thrift stores. Especially blankets. I can't crochet myself but my grandma was so good at it before she passed. So I know how much work goes into even the smallest of projects! I refuse to leave a thrift store without all of their crocheted pieces. I have crocheted blankets on every chair, bed, couch.. I have a couple of those blanket ladders & they're full of these beauties! I just hate to think of these priceless pieces hanging on shelves or worse.... getting thrown out to make room for mass produced garbage! But I would have literally loved that gift! Even as a teenager! It's a good thing they gave it back atleast. They don't deserve it. I'm sure the veteran appreciates it everytime he crawls under it.

    Sarah Bradley
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ok so I'm on the fence about this topic. If I were the recipient I would have simply given it away instead of insulting the woman by returning it. But that's just me not wanting to be rude. But there's this one associate of mines who gives me gifts but then she enquires about them later so I tell the truth. She gets offended that I gave them away. Then tries to make me promise that I will not give away the gifts she gives me. This makes me feel cringey. On the other hand I have crocheted her gifts and she has given them back cause she wants an item made to her exact specifications which I'm unable to accomplish. This is also cringey because she is making demands and she enquires about her demands whenever she sees me. I've decided she is not a friend. Because why is it ok for her to give me gift i dont want or like or just simply choose to give to someone who needs it more? But I can't do the same to her? Gifts shouldn't have strings attached but they also shouldn't be rejected.

    Alma Willams
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    so sad ungrateful he should just said tks no need to hurt her feelings. He was such a a whole for this.

    Penny Wilson
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I too am a crocheter and I would have been terribly hurt. I have made many, many blankets as well as other things as gifts and have received nothing but gratitude. I have so little patience for self-absorbed people, and in this case that a speaks to the kids and the parent. If they would stop and think about the time, effort, joy and money that you put into your work they would know what a true gift it is. I'm sorry that happened to you. It's a beautiful blanket.

    Annemarie “other” Davelaar
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm an avid knitter as well and it has been fun to read through these comments. I understand the creator wants the gift to be appreciated but really, it's YOUR hobby. When you buy a bday gift don't you keep in mind what the receiver would like? If they don't like knitted or crochet type things why bother making them something? My dad asks me to make him things and I happily do so since I know he'll like it.

    Mary Sims
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As I look at all these beautiful blankets I would welcome them all into my home. I personally appreciate a gift the was handmade than one that was bought. However, some only value the price of things and not value the time and commitment it took a person to give truly of themselves as a gift. The sad thing is they may not figure it out until the lonely and on their death bed what is truly important. Steve Jobs said it best "Don’t educate your children to be rich. Educate them to be Happy. So when they grow up they will know the value of things not the price." It seems mom's missed the mark when teaching appreciation.

    Rita Mirano
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Handmade things are made with love. This is expressed through the arduous efforts and long hours of making them. Her friend's son should have appreciated that at least. It's not about liking what you receive, but appreciating the love that comes with the gift.

    Marissa Camacho
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I paint, I sew, I hammer, I knit, I crochet, I gift, I hurt. I have gifted, mostly for children, and I have never seen a mother be rude -ever. If anything, they proudly send photos or show me that the gifts I gave are still good and functioning. All the gifts I have made are appreciated and used. I know, because ,five, ten even thirty years down the line I am amazed to see they are still being enjoyed or worn by their children. There was ONE EXCEPTION. I had a neighbor I would take a cake and a special dish to every time I attended her lavish parties. She cooks and she always gifts her creations. One year, I sewed a casserole caddy (which was such a hit that I even got orders for New Zealand, the US and Germany) where I put the freshly-baked cake and handed it to her, telling her that I had seen the caddy. She promptly called her maid, passed it to her without saying a thing and then welcomed me in. "Anyone can buy, but not everyone can create"..framed in my craft room

    Willie Mae Rawlinson
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You actually think you know peoples in real life, but sometimes you find them out. How ungrateful and disrespectful that was to her. I guess the only thing that matter to him was the $121.00 dollars. She had a gracious heart ❤ to have done that for him. You would think that respect goes a long way , but evidently it doesn't. That should make him feel really guilty and hurt, that if he had a Heart ❤.

    Adam Leviness
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Idk, I could see how someone would find it rude. But, if I personally spent 900 hours on a gift for someone and then found out that they accepted it just to be "nice" and it was sitting in a drawer somewhere not getting used, I'd be WAY more pissed. I bet the kid was gonna keep it and the mom was like "well if you're not going to use it I'll just give it back." And then the mom simply came up with the designer thing. Oh, no its not that he doesn't like it. He's just a kid he only uses "designer" things. You know 21 year old boys, they have to have all the hot new stuff." That sounds way more plausible tome then this kid just being like, what is this peasant trash gift... away with it!

    D. Nicole Hiljus
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A gift like this is a keepsake, it's about a connection between the giver, and the receiver. I can understand the young man not being able to connect with the sentimentality of such a gift. It doesn't sound like the op had a relationship with the boy, only the mother. That being said there is zero ZERO excuse for any reaction other than extreme gratitude that the op would put so much effort into the gift. Whatever happened to "it's the thought that counts"? The receivers sound like terrible people!

    Gretchen Tyree
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Princess Diana told her boys, "Accept gifts with an open heart and say thank you." The kid may not have liked the blanket but he should have accepted it and said thank you.

    Anna Repp
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    900 hours is approximately half a year of working 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. TBH I doubt the OP spent that much time on the gift.

    Ivan Petrov
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A few things to point out: 1) Was it the son, who returned the gift, or the friend decided, that this will not be to son's liking; 2) How close these people are - just because the two are friends doesn't mean the son feels close to them, too; 3) I think a blanket can be always a good gift. Aren't good blankets expensive? You can keep it in your car for emergencies, or when it's not cold enough to turn on a heater, but also not warn enough to stay uncovered; 4) Even if something is not to my taste, if it's a handmade gift, I'll keep it, because of the thought behind it. And just like Leslieoo7 said, designer shït is mass produced. I would prefer something handmade and personal.

    Vicki Carlisle
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Whether the giftee likes the gift or not doesn't matter to me. That someone thought enough of you to spend that amount of time is gift enough. The attitude of the "child" AND his mother says all that needs to be said about the recipient(s). A simple "thank you" would have been enough, and if he just couldn't stand the sight of the blanket, tuck it away somewhere. No harm done and no hurt feelings. It's bad enough that the boy acted this way, but it's pretty clear where he got his attitude. Shame on that mother for letting it happen and for treating her friend so disrespectfully.

    Dorothy Roberts
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In no situation is Anyone REQUIRED to give a gift, I knit and crochet, but since when does a blanket style or color matter if your a*s is cold? A throw could be different because you usually kept them in full view? clothing is what I usually like to give as a gift So, I ask, then choose what amount to gift card the recipient. I never would put up with an attitude. Most people who know me also know me to be a generous person! So Keep your selfish attitude, until your next birthday or Christmas when you get nothing from me!

    Gladys Sullivan
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is sad. I'm a quilter and know how you feel. He rejected the blanket but accepted the money...hmm ,designer money was it. Shows where his values lie. I suggest you have the blanket appraised at a craft shop. A quilt of similar cost and effort would sell for no less than $ 1000 upwards. It's absolutely beautiful and as with all craft items, the pictures fail to capture the true beauty. I'm happy to hear that a more deserving person got it. I'm sorry you had to experience such a rude rejection from your friend

    Evelyn Witt
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think it's deplorable. This person took time and effort to make a gift with her hands and to have it handed back with the friend's son only wanting designer stuff is a slap in the face. Mom should not have returned it but taught her 21 year old son IT IS THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS. Meaning he should have thanked them for the gift knowing they thought of him when it was made. Too many are to particular about brand names and such. ENTITLED!!!!!!!!! I grew up getting things made for me by a crafting mom from clothing to toys. Never name brand and not store bought. Someday this child will learn to appreciate what they do have or have nothing.

    Evelyn Witt
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I did not have to read the entirety of this post to be appalled at the thought that someone gave their friends son a gift for his birthday or whatever it was, and then have the friend return it saying that the son only liked designer items. You know in this day and age things are getting more and more expensive. And people cannot give you exactly what you want. And when you are receiving gifts for a birthday or a holiday or a special occasion, you just don't get everything that you want. You need to be gracious and accept the gift and say thank you. There is a saying that goes it's the thought that counts. That means that no matter what is done or given to someone it's the thought behind it that the person took the time to make the item or to do a favor or just to help out and that person should be grateful that this person thought of them and thought they were important enough to do these things. And we can't blame the son's mom for saying anything but it kind of lays on her too.

    Crystal Ruiz
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm really having all kinds of thoughts about this. 1. Her friend and son sound like a-holes. 2. I also crochet and would've been devastated, but 3. As some have pointed out, it is weird to have gifted this to a 21 year old, that the OP is, obviously, not close to. 4. For a simple crochet blanket, did it really take 900 hours?...it does sound fishy to me. 5. But it is a designer thing....that blanket is worth, based on time and materials, about $7000, and that's considering being paid $7.50, or minimum wage. 6. The colors do seem to be something a 21 year old man would like. And 7. Crochet and knitting is in fashion right now, so it brings me back to the 1st point, they're just a-holes

    Sulu Chewy
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Crocheting gifts are inter family gifts because family will appreciate the effort even it is only used when the giver turns up ... although you may have seen him grow and consider the mom as a "friend" that person is not a friend and you did not see the AH tendencies develop as son grew... a true "friend" would not have returned the gift ... soooo ...are you accustomed sending crocheted things or this was a 21st birthday surprise out of the blue ...the dude is materialistic thanks to mummy and he has friends to impress...so the final receiver appreciates the gesture.

    Irena Freidin
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    For anyone to think that a 21 year old man wants a crocheted blanket, is living in cookoo land. The response was horrid, there was no need to say anything about only liking designer gifts, that's very entitled. But the giver was living in some world of her own if she thought it would be received well.

    T'Mar of Vulcan
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Do people realize how much better in quality hand-made items are? I have a jersey (jumper/sweater/whatever you call them in countries that aren't South Africa) that my aunt knitted for me in 1987 and it still fits perfectly and is still warm and in one piece (I wash in cold water). I have blankets I made as a teenager (crocheted) that are still perfect. If that vain brat had taken the blanket, it would have lasted *decades* compared to 'designer' c**p.

    Maria P
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In today's world I'm honestly not shocked by the rude comments. It's so much easier to smile and say thank you and then pass it on to someone else. It seems to me that some of the people commenting would take pleasure out of being rude and letting the crafter have it for thinking about themselves. They sound like they would enjoy seeing the crafter crushed and hurt. What a bizarre thing to say!! When you're making something with your own hands you're not thinking "I'm such a great person for doing this". Usually with every stitch you make you do your best to make it perfect and your thoughts are of the person as you make it. You want them to feel special and know that you thought of them and wanted to make something special for them. When crafting for others you never think of yourself. I too, as some others stated, wonder if the son even knows about it. Maybe he would've liked it. Maybe it's just the mother pushing "high standards, designer things, on her son.

    Venice
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The reason why the woman's son turned away the gift was appalling and speaks to how he was raised. It's not a generation thing it's a personality thing. On the other hand, the guy is 21 and before the lady spent all that time to create the gift, she should've asked her friend about her sons preference for gifts. No it doesn't mean she should've bought a " designer" gift but she could've gifted him either money or something he would've accepted within her " non designer" budget. Money or gift cards are a better option. The reason for rejecting the gift was unacceptable but spending all that time knitting the gift was the woman's choice which the 21 year old had no control over. She should've done her research.

    Lavender Oak
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It was crocheted, not knitted. If you can't even get that right your opinion really doesn't matter.

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    Meh
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'd (42f) absolutely love someone to hand make me a gift. Any gift. I don't care what it is, as long as they put love and effort into it I'd be so happy. My children are also the same. If they didn't like the gift they can still appreciate the thought and keep it safe ( they're 11m 15m and 19f )

    Andre Letache
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is so funny debating the crochet and the rejection. I guess with all disappointment and soft heart it is in a way better to return something you are not going to cherish. What some may suggest to nicely say thanks and then hide it away is not painful but kinda hypocrite and a waste of the author's effort. I'd say do not feel rejected, just accept the person does not value the same things and they are being honest about it. Hopefully also nice in their way of expressing it... In the end we are all happy for the veteran. Did anyone remember to mention that? :) peace and love

    Miranda Gehris
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My question is...did the son ever even receive the blanket? Seems to me almost like Mom got it and opened it, saw it, decided it didn't fit her vision for decor, and then make up some bs excuse about Son only liking "designer'...I don't think I've ever met a 21 year old guy who cares about "designer," free stuff is free stuff?

    Naomie Moore
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Holy cow! Cross those people off your list. I CHERISH anything hand made and fully understand how many hours and expense of materials it takes to make something beautiful regardless of what craft it might be. Shame on them, they should have graciously accepted and if not their style, donate to a worthy charity where you know it will be appreciated. My heart breaks for you. From previous comments, there are lots of crafters out there and showing their handiwork is making me so happy that many people still love to knit, crochet or whatever medium suits them. Backbone of this country. If money was no object, I would prefer everything home made. That's quality and craftsmanship that is lost on any mass produced merchandise.

    Joe Micalizzi
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I believe the OP misspoke when she mentioned she gave him $121. I believe she meant to say she had $121 invested for materials besides her time. I have to agree with the person who said he didn't ask for a blanket but he certainly mishandled the rejection. The fact that he didn't personally communicate with the OP proves that he really feels NO connection with this friend of his mom. I'm sure lonely Vet is over the top happy with this gift. The OP should thank (sarcastically) his return of the gift so she could give it to a deserving vet. BTW, if the OP doesn't know it her friend is no friend or she would have straightened her son out for his rudeness.

    ewa
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think it depends on the way it was given back, which should have been done by the young man. Anyway, if I gave someone a blanket I spent 120 hours in (and I am actually crocheting a mandala blanket at the moment which will need at least that) I would not want it to lay in a closet because someone was to polite to give it back ... if he doesn't like it he doesn't like it. Not everyone appreciates handmade stuff, and others are the other way round. My 10year old getsreally jelaous if I give anyone outside the family anything handmade, because I am her mom and anything I made should be hers ;) (being in a Waldorf community that can be a challenge..)

    Jishy Kitty
    Community Member
    2 years ago

    This comment has been deleted.

    Pj Wilson
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Wow, pearls thrown before swine. Dump those crappy friends. That gift was a labor of love. So sorry.

    Δανάη Ελεάνα
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's worth more than commercial designer products. If you put in those hours, whew, that's an extremely lush and expensive gift. Still, I don't think it's bad they returned it. The comment was rude and ungrateful but overall, better for you.

    Vix Spiderthrust
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The kid's a spoilt d**k and his mum's no better. Even if you don't like a gift, you thank the giver. Then you put it aside for a while and then quietly donate it somewhere it'll do some good. 21 is not too young to understand this.

    Maureen Lazzari
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I was raised to be polite. You never, ever, return a gift. It is the epitome of bad manners and is hurtful to the gift giver. I've received some awful presents during my life but I always thank the person for them and appear to be enthusiastic. To receive a gift that had taken so much time and money, but particularly the time, and to be so rude and ungrateful is astonishing. Yes, it may not have been an ideal gift for a 21 year old man, but he should at least have appreciated the time and effort that went into it. His mother could have avoided hurting her friend too by not returning it, or at least not being quite so brutally honest.

    NamiKoa
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    For me (at least in my current living situation) unwanted things that take up any space are a burden. Sometimes space is a luxury, sometimes it's mentally tiring to have stuff squirreled away in your home that you don't like and don't intend to use. I've had an ornamental wall hanging and a very odd fruit bowl sitting at the back of my closet since my wedding seven years ago. How long do people expect you to keep a gift that absolutely doesn't fit your taste out of politeness? Obviously, these people could have handled the situation much better (I.e. acknowledging the amount of time and effort that went into it and showing gratitude for the gesture), but springing a huge velvet blanket on someone and being angry they don't love it it's also a little selfish

    E.g. Hoffman
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is a gift. The giver should put effort into selecting something personal that the recipient will like - while the recipient needs to appreciate the thought. Not all gifts will be perfect but you need to be gracious. Recipient here was rude. He might not have appreciated the gift and then never used it.

    Amused panda
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I appreciate how upsetting it must have been for her gift to be rejected, but it is clear how much time, skill, care went into it and if it isn't someone's taste & they will either stash it in a cupboard to be forgotten, give it away or sell it, so I also understand some might be of a mind that offering it back so the maker could re-gift it to someone who would appreciate it was the best option. If he'd tried to sell it, his friend's mum might have found out and been even more hurt. Imo, 900+ hours + $120 worth of yarn on top of $121 is a ridiculous amount to invest into a friend's son's birthday, even when the birthday is such a milestone. Having said that, if he only likes designer gifts he's a snob, and if his mom actually old OP that she is not much of a friend to OP - there must have been plenty of ways the rejection could have been phased including that he felt the gift was too much.

    Dedra Happy
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm usually not into crocheted blankets, but what you made is absolutely stunningly beautiful! That being said, I love all handmade gifts I've received! I love that someone cared enough to take the time to make it for me. Hopefully it matches my decor etc, but if not it will be added to my treasure trove of sentimental stuffs - along with the lifetime of handwritten letters, found treasures, mementos, etc from loved ones. It's my sentimental treasure trunk and I love delving into it every once in a while.

    Rhea Perez
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    i believe he was wrong he shouldve just kept it said thank u and if he didnt like it he couldve silently donated to a homeless shelter or someone who did like it he had no right giving it back i crochet and can only imagine what u feel the mother couldve kept the blanket if the boy didnt want it i think its a beutiful blanket and wouldnt mind having the pattern if at all possible may God bless u

    Jennifer Hall
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    People don't crochet like they did back in the day. My great aunt use to crochet all our Christmas gifts and I hated it. When I got older I appreciated it and missed the blankets and stuff. I always look for someone that crochet cause I want a blanket for my couch. Sorry you wen t through that. I feel he was very rude. And I can't believe his mother told you qhy he didn't want it and slap his ignorant son in the face for being rude. I would be so embarrassed if my child acted that way.

    Lavender Oak
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    People do crochet still, and always will. Why don't you learn for yourself? I crochet but don't sell because people want slave labor. I used to charge $10/hr plus materials when I did sell shawls and bags, but a queen sized blanket takes me around 100 hours. No one will pay what it's worth, trust me.

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    Ivanka S
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If he is 21 he should know how to send a card and say thank you. Don’t like it, wrap it in the box and put it away. Her son is a spoiled brat and she needs to have her refund of $121 back On the other hand, and since I am crocheter also, I would ask the brat or my “friend” would he like to have a blanket and let him pick the yarn and design. I felt a great hurt when my daughter asked me crochet a bralette she picked this beautiful turquoise cotton yarn and I picked the design. Front was longer to cover her bellybutton. showed to her BEFORE it was even done, for cup measurement and she said she doesn’t like it and she won’t wear it. I got home and cut it all in pieces. But then as as an idiot, it was her birthday, so I thought she will appreciate a blanket for her bed. I did it in shell stitch darker turquoise and it looks gorgeous. But she says no. Now I crochet for babies only (they can’t complain 😀)and no more spoil brats. Peace in my heart. Yours too.

    Kat Min
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Hmm...it is super rude to give back a gift with the explanation that one 'only likes designer things'. And pointless, too. You don't like it, just store it in na cupboard. Eventually some guest will be happy about an additional blanket. Or you give it to someone who likes it. But I also have to agree with the opinion that it is a slightly odd gift. I know so many people who can'T stand all sorts of textures, wooly and otherwise, I'd definitely ask before I undertake such a project.

    Guinevere Boostrom
    Community Member
    2 years ago

    This comment has been deleted.

    Recheal Kenyonyozi
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Feel sorry for her, that wasn't good thing to return it back at least she would have kept it if the son don't like it. That is not a friend indeed.

    Fishbear
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Son is a rude and entitled little fork. Friend may have been a little off, but he was a lot a dbag. Early series David from Schitt's Creek without the redeeming qualities is the vibe

    Lee
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Maybe it's because after 42 years my mother has yet to bother to learn what I like, but the number of people who snub gifts is astounding. You don't pick your gifts, that's why they are gifts. You smile, say thank you and take it to a thrift store asap. There is no need at all to hurt anyone's feelings, and that's all the neighbors did at that point. Maybe it was not his style and I don't think most 21 year old men would get excited for a blanket but the mother could have been more tactful, or told him to grow a pair and tell OP he didn't want it himself.

    RavenwoodJones
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm sorry but I think that's ridiculous. Your mother SHOULD have an idea what you like and want. The idea that you should just accept any gift then give it away if you don't like it is stupid and also a huge problem on its own. By now everyone should know how much thrift stores throw out. So donating unwanted items is absolutely not a solution. Gift giving SHOULD be about the recipient. Taking five minutes to ask what someone wants is better for everyone. In ensures the givers time and money aren't wasted and gives the recipient something they will actually use. Which means less c**p ends up thrown away.

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    הגר שוהם
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I once bought a friend two really expensive vynil records of the Beatlles and her favorite band Cammel for her birthday, after giving it a lot of thought and searching for several weeks I finally found the records in a store at the mall. We met for lunch, I wished her a happy birthday and gave her the bag, she glanced at the records and casually said "oh thanks. I have those, but it's ok, I'll just return them and get something else." I was shocked but I didn't want to ruin her birthday so I just cried into my soup and excused myself after an hour. Eight years later she still hasn't apologized and I still haven't forgiven her.

    Well-Dressed Wolf
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She was honest, and you want her to apologize for that? Should she have lied to you? Does she know you expect her to apologize? How would you have felt if she hadn’t said anything and had just returned the records later, and the next time you were over at her house you noticed that the sleeves on those records were tattered/not new (since they’re the copies she had already owned), and you learned THEN that she returned the gift copies? Why aren’t you happy that your friend bought herself something that maybe made her happy with the money from the returned records? What would you seriously have preferred her to have done?

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    Juliet Murphy
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    For the makers: You can tell by the comments that younger generations are self absorbed and unappreciative- and largely disrespectful. If your heart demands that you give them something, toss a $20 gift card into a card and be done with it. Save your time and effort for those you know will love what you've made or at least appreciate that you thought so much of them to pour your time, energy, and heart into their gift. (Or sell it on Etsy or something.) I have several things that people I love made and I treasure them, even if they're not to my taste. And afghan can layer under a bedspread and you can enjoy the warmth and think of them when you see it. A crocheted doll my late grandmother made, as homely as it is, is cherished because of the love that went into every stitch- I feel that love and remember her. It's comforting. These ungrateful people are the products of how they were raised. I actually feel sorry for them and how much they're missing.

    Lavender Oak
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Younger generations still craft and do art, they are makers too. You're ignorant and disrespectful yourself. So shut up.

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    Juliet Murphy
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I am amazed at the number of self-absorbed, ungrateful, snotty jerks who commented on that post. Obviously, I was raised differently. First, someone thought enough of you to give you a gift at all- be grateful that they care, there are an awful lot of people who don't. Second, when someone gives you something they made, specifically for you, they are giving from their heart. Every second spent making that gift, they are thinking of you and giving you love. There's a lot of thought and love in 900 hours of hand stitching an afghan. Third, what happened to, "it's the thought that counts"? How many people do you know who didn't think of you at all? Finally, if you are going to return a hand made gift, try to find modicum of class and respect for their time and effort. "It's lovely, but it's not my style. It should go to someone who will use it and love it as something you worked so hard on deserves." And give back the whole gift, don't just pocket the cash, that's crass and callous.

    Jade Hei
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Also, why are people saying she gave him money? The article only says she used 120$ for the materials.

    Lavender Oak
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    No it doesn't, you just didn't read properly. It was $120 in materials AND $121 CASH.

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    Dawnieangel76
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Handmade gifts are one of a kind. The artist, because that's what they are, puts a bit of themselves into a gift like that. It shows how much they care, OR perhaps that's the only means they have of gift-giving due to monetary issues. You take a gift, say thank you & then do with it what you wish, but there's no need to be a spoiled, ungrateful, douchebag.

    Lavender Oak
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Money issues? Wow you really have no idea do you? $120 worth of yarn to make a single blanket doesn't scream money issues.

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    Diana
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have found beautiful handmade crocheted throws for my sofa at thrift stores. My suggestion would be to donate it to a baby in a neo-natal unit. I'm sure the parents works appreciate the thought. Just leave out any you're donating it.

    Keepa Lowprofile
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm glad the blanket was returned so she could give it to someone else. Imagine the shock if she had gone into a charity shop and her blanket was there. I disagree keeping a gift you don't like and then getting rid of it later. That's extremely rude.

    Freelove
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm sorry, but on what planet does someone assume that what a 21 year old man wants for his birthday is a crocheted blanket? I hate to sound like an a-hole here, but no one asked for that blanket or gave any kind of indication that it would be a good gift. OP chose to put an ungodly amount of work into HER choice for a gift, and quite honestly it was a very poor gift idea. One of my coworkers forces her sister's handmade crocheted things on the rest of the department at every turn and I. CAN'T. STAND. IT. I hate everything she makes, it's not my thing AT ALL, and I HATE having someone else's taste forced on me.

    Kristy O
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think it's nice they gave it back, if they aren't going to use it...I mean she put a lot of time and money in it. They likely know that and had he just said thank you and then donated it...would that have been better? This way she could still gift it, to perhaps someone who would use it. I don't think most 21 year old men would want a blanket from anyone, unless it's grandma. Lol I also would just leave it at the $121 cash gift...they can get their own designer things. That's what works best.

    Janet J
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I thought it was actually thoughtful of them to return the gift to the giver/maker, rather than use it as a dog blanket, or in the back of a truck, or just throw it away.

    Cheese Man
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That blanket is truly hideous. Yes, they were rude about it, but why on earth would you give someone a gift they don't like. It's your hobby, not theirs. We learn in elementary school to give people gifts THEY want, not stuff we would like. Personally, I would accept it with a fake smile, then shove it to the bottom of the closet, never to be seen again.

    RavenwoodJones
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Did none of these "just graciously accept any gift regardless of what it is" people ever stop to think by doing so you are allowing the giver to believe it's something they should continue gifting? Let's say you get handmade wool socks. If you don't tell the person you are allergic or just find them itchy and instead say you enjoy them they might end up giving you mittens and a scarf because the socks were so well received. Or if someone brings a dish to a family meal that no one really likes. If you don't bother to step in and say so it might become the thing they bring to every get together. No one made the op spend so much time on this blanket. And I have to agree 900 hours is absurd. She must be very slow to take that long. But at the same time she also had ages to ask her friend/ the son about it. I do a lot of crafting. I would absolutely NEVER waste my time on a project like that without first getting input from the intended recipient.

    RavenwoodJones
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Even a simple "what colors do you like" would have gone so far. And as for "everyone needs blankets." Sure that may be true. But everyone also already has blankets. Just because the item is functional doesn't mean there can't be too many of it.

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    Rebecca L. Gray
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don't know how to crochet but like some crocheted items. That don't mean that I would like to receive a ugly crocheted Christmas sweater for a gift. Did the friend or her son tell you that he would like to have a blanket for his birthday? That is the main and only question that really needs to be answered. The answer to the question will clear air and end the discussion.

    Aleksandra
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I wish i had someone who would knit gifts for me, i would embroider for them in exchange (embroidery takes less time tho..) But I also agree that as sad and ungrateful it was from that friend and her son, it was also not the smartest by the crafter to spend so much time and money on something she wasn't sure one would appreciate. It's not really surprising that 21yo boy didn't really feel the need for the blanket and in my opinion it's better he gave it back than throw it away so she could find someone else to gift it to. If you're an artist don't spend too much time on your art for gifts if you're not sure they'll be appreciated, for own sake. People have different taste and styles, they may not be into crochet or embroidery etc. People who don't do any handmade art may not realize how much time and heart it takes so they don't appreciate it as much too.

    AK to LV
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My great-Aunt sent a crocheted blanket to my Dad after she had come to visit us in Alaska in 1986. I thought it was weird at the time to send a grown man a blanket the is stripes of red, pink and gray. It wasn't any of our tastes but we put it on the back of the couch. That coming Winter, the blanket really came in handy. In fact, I'm using it right now :)

    Injun Joe
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Really?! I don't know how to knit. Would like to. Some people think they're entitled. I would have asked for the money back. If someone would spend x amount of time and money on me, I'd be gracious. Especially a knitted blanket. I'd prefer a homemade gift over a store bought anyway. Means a whole lot to us when you put forth this effort. Feels good, appreciated. Some entitled people are just entitled to a firm pop in the head to come around over their senses.

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