A parent’s entire life may revolve around their kids, but that doesn’t mean they have to share everything with them. A secret stash of candy or a bag of potato chips hidden in the highest cabinet won’t hurt anyone.

But according to one father, the mother of his children shouldn’t ever be ordering takeout just for herself. Below, you’ll hear from the mom, who recently reached out to the “Am I the Jerk?” subreddit to find out if she really was wrong for indulging in a late-night craving.

At the end of a long day, all this mom wanted to do was wind down and relax

Image credits: DC_Studio (not the actual photo)

What she did not anticipate, however, was being labeled a “bad mother” simply for ordering takeout

Image credits: lamapacas (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Aline Aronsky (not the actual photo)

Image credits: No-Cheek2572

The mom later responded to questions from readers and provided more information on the situation

Parents are just people too, and it’s completely natural for them to keep certain things for themselves

Being a parent is one of the hardest jobs in the world. It’s all consuming, it’s not compensated, it never ends, and it’s exhausting. It can also be the most rewarding role in the world, but it’s extremely important for parents to not completely abandon themselves just to take care of their kids. It can be tempting to share everything and always drop what you’re doing to help out your little ones, but moms and dads had entire lives of their own before having kids. So they should not be expected to abandon their autonomy. Jessica Graham shared some tips on Parent.com on how to love your kids without losing yourself, and one of the points she mentions is to ensure that you continue eating “like an adult”.    

“Two handfuls of Goldfish crackers and a cheese stick does not make a meal,” Graham writes. “You don’t  have to eat a meal that looks like it was prepared by a James Beard chef, but you do need to treat yourself with some respect. You’ve earned the right to eat like an adult. If a sandwich sounds dull and you’re out of leftovers, you can still throw together a decent lunch in about 5 minutes: Hard boil eggs, use an indoor grill to heat salmon or veggie burgers or sauté frozen shrimp.” And when necessary, yes, order in. Being an adult means being able to make choices, and this mother simply made a decision that served her in that moment. 

Image credits: Josh Willink (not the actual photo)

In fact, many parents would admit to having a secret stash of candy or snacks that their children can’t access

It’s also crucial for parents to enjoy some alone time. Colleen Seto at Today’s Parent says that, “Being a good mother doesn’t mean giving all of ourselves to our kids. It means incorporating who we are into how we mom.” Your favorite films and musicians might not be appropriate for children to hear, but that doesn’t mean you can’t listen to them at bedtime or with earbuds. Take an uninterrupted hot shower, relax with a book and a cup of tea, or find some time to do yoga while the kids are asleep or at school. 

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“It’s important to continue to be a fully formed human when you’re a mom,” Graham goes on to note. “Motherhood does involve sacrifice, but it shouldn’t mean sacrifice of self. It’s critical for our kids to see that their moms are people too—full of our own needs, wants and dreams. We encourage our children to be self-aware, to listen and believe in themselves, yet we rarely do this for ourselves.”

In fact, as many parents who replied to this post shared, it’s quite common to have some secret treats that their kids don’t know about. What they know won’t hurt them, and we want our kids to develop the healthiest habits possible. If it saves a little money and means that they ate a more nutritious dinner than you did as a parent, there’s nothing wrong with getting a milkshake or a burger in the evening. When they’re grown ups, they can decide to order something too. In fact, two thirds of parents in the US admit to stealing some Halloween candy from their little ones. Nothing wrong with keeping some harmless secrets from our kids. 

Image credits: Andres Ayrton (not the actual photo)

A parent’s role is not to be their child’s best friend, so they are not obligated to share everything

While we do want our kids to love and respect us, a parent’s job is not to be their children’s best friend. And sometimes, that means making choices that the kids might not be thrilled about or involved in. “Friends come and go, and they have a specific role in the lives of our children,” The Children’s Trust explains on their site. “But the impact that we have as parents is central to their development into responsible, empathetic and productive adults.” Parents must set rules and boundaries to help their kids feel secure and to teach them the difference between right and wrong. “Parenting means exercising authority, and although that may sometimes lead your children to complain that you’re the worst parent ever, the truth is that it will provide the solid base they need to steer their lives in the right direction,” The Children’s Trust says.

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It’s absurd to expect parents not to do anything for themselves after their children’s bedtimes. This mother is allowed to use her hard earned money however she likes, and she deserves to have a treat every now and then that she doesn’t have to share. I’m sure the vast majority of the time, her kids get to have as much as they want of her food, so it must be nice for her to relax and enjoy one thing on her own. We would love to hear your thoughts on this story in the comments below, pandas. If you’re a parent, let us know if you ever keep anything from your children, and then if you’re looking to read another Bored Panda article featuring a parent who’s been judged for how she chooses to feed her child, look no further than right here! 

Image credits: Monstera (not the actual photo)

Readers assured the mother that she did nothing wrong, noting that the father has no right to judge her

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