Deciding not to attend a sibling’s wedding is a pretty big deal. And sometimes things get so muddled up that you’re not sure which way’s which and how you should behave. Luckily, the internet is full to the brim with folks who are happy to help and share their opinions.

Redditor u/trashgirlfriend is facing a very big dilemma right now. She turned to the AITA online community for their advice on whether she should skip out on her brother’s wedding and go party in Miami, after an argument with him and his bride-to-be. You’ll find the full story and the internet’s reaction as you scroll down.

Bored Panda got in touch with the author of the post, redditor u/trashgirlfriend. She was kind enough to answer our questions about the delicate situation and how she felt about being replaced as one of the bridesmaids. Read on for our full interview with the OP.

One woman was faced with the dilemma of whether to go to her brother’s wedding or go on vacation instead

Image credits: Milan (not the actual photo)

She turned to the internet to see what folks thought about her situation

Image credits: Ben Mack (not the actual photo)

Image source: trashgirlfriend

“My first reaction to being replaced was disappointment. I was utterly shook. I went home and cried”

Image credits: Los Muertos Crew (not the actual photo)

“I absolutely was not expecting my post to gain the amount of attention and traction that it received. I have been completely overwhelmed and anxious to post the update because I am worried my outcome will disappoint everyone,” redditor u/trashgirlfriend told Bored Panda that she was completely taken by surprise by how popular her post has become on the internet.

“I have no idea why it gained so much attention, but I think it was because the title seemed like it was going make me seem to be the [jerk], but it turns out I’m not!”

Bored Panda wanted to hear the OP’s thoughts on how she felt when she learned the bad news that her spot as a bridesmaid was given to somebody else. “My first reaction to being replaced was disappointment. I was utterly shook. I went home and cried, I had always struggled with making friends and I have never had a ‘squad,’ and being a part of the bridesmaids’ party made me feel so incredibly included,” she opened up to us.

“The fact that none of them had my back was hurtful but understandable given that it wasn’t my wedding. However, it would have been super if any of them could have been bothered to reach out afterward.”

We were curious whether it’s possible for the OP and her sister-in-law’s relationship to be repaired. “Well, that means there would have to be something to be repaired,” the author of the post quipped. “Obviously, she didn’t think much of me to begin with, since she so easily tossed me aside for the shiny new toy.”

She continued: “My aunt has been working diligently to try to mend the relationship between my brother and I, but like I said in the post we never had a solid relationship. A lot of people have asked about what my parents think, my father isn’t in the picture, however, my mother has been remaining ‘neutral.’ But she is absolutely on my side.”

We also wanted to find out what it would hypothetically take for the OP to attend her brother’s wedding. However, she pointed out to us that there’s no chance of that happening now.

“I will not be attending the wedding because everyone knows about the post, if I did go to the wedding it would probably be awkward for everyone, and the last thing I want to do is make my FSIL feel uncomfortable on her big day. I absolutely wish her the best, just not with me in the picture.”

The entire situation devolved into a lot of bickering

The OP’s thread got quite a bit of attention on Reddit. At the time of writing, her post had 25k upvotes and counting. A lot of people wanted to give the redditor some advice on what she should do next. And the majority believed that she’d do nothing wrong if she chose to go on vacation instead of celebrating her brother’s wedding in September.

The crux of the problem is that redditor u/trashgirlfriend had been almost completely sidelined in the wedding in recent months. She was hyped up to be a bridesmaid and even got an expensive dress. However, the bride-to-be decided that her brother’s wife should take her place and even had the gall to ask the OP to give her the dress… for free.

Well, that wasn’t going to fly and no amount of haphazard buttering up would cut it. Things escalated from there, the OP called out her brother and his fiancée for “being extremely disrespectful,” returned her dress, and is now pondering whether to fly out to Miami for some proper fun instead.

Things would probably look very different if the redditor and her brother were closer, and if the happy couple didn’t ask her to essentially give up a dress worth hundreds of dollars to someone else. It seemed like it didn’t make much sense for the OP to attend, both practically and emotionally.

How you tell the happy couple that you won’t be attending their wedding depends a lot on how close you are to them

Image credits: Wedding Dreamz (not the actual photo)

Whatever the exact circumstances, the fact that someone’s been invited to a wedding probably means that the couple values them very much. If you aren’t all that close to the couple, ‘Brides’ suggests writing a simple ‘no’ on the RSVP card and sending them a small card wishing them well. This could work if, say, a distant relative or a very old friend from college sent you the invite. If you don’t stay in touch with them often, it’s fine not to attend.

However, if you are close to someone, things can get a tad chaotic. “You may want to make a phone call or send an email ahead of your written decline with more details as to why you are not attending,” etiquette expert Myka Meier told Brides.

In this case, it might be well worth it to send the couple a gift or some flowers to show them that you love and support them. It’s also a good idea to meet up with them after their wedding and honeymoon to show them that you really do care about them, their love, and their bright future.

Meanwhile, if you’re pressed for time and really can’t make it on the Big Day, you could always spend some quality time with the bride/groom at their bachelorette/bachelor’s party. Or you could lend them a hand with organizing the wedding in a few small ways.

The woman shared some more information about what happened in the comments

Most internet users were on the former bridesmaid’s side

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