Everyone wants an attractive partner, but some folks aren’t really secure enough in themselves to be able to deal with that fact. The truth is, if your partner or spouse is a looker, they will be hit on, one way or another.

A woman asked the internet for advice after she had a pretty peculiar conflict with her fiancé. He had taken offense to how she had rejected a particularly pushy man at a bar and seemed to have gotten himself very worked out about it. We reached out to the woman in the story via private message and will update the article when she gets back to us.

Rejecting someone’s advances while you are in a relationship is normally a good thing

Image credits: nd3000 / envato (not the actual photo)

But one woman had to deal with a partner who could not keep his insecurities in check

Image credits: LightFieldStudios / envato (not the actual photo)

Image credits: lil-drone

Insecurity tends to be ugly and self-destructive

Image credits: Inzmam Khan / pexels (not the actual photo)

There is a subset of people, particularly men, who are quite incensed to see someone hitting on their partner or spouse. Obviously, hitting on a person who is clearly married is a pretty slimily move, but all in all, it should be a compliment that other people find your partner attractive, since you must find them attractive as well.

However, it’s situations like this where insecurity rears its ugly head. For example, in this case, the woman’s partner seems to have ignored the fact that she most definitely rejected this man and instead seems to be channeling his stress towards this idea against her. The “logic” is that this man feels like, at any moment, a “better” man will show up and his partner will leave him. It’s important to differentiate between insecurity and humility. Everyone has some flaws and shortcomings, but channeling it into negative behavior is not a good thing.

This is not to mock folks who feel insecure, it’s often a result of past experiences, but it’s worth pointing out the flaws in this logic. First and foremost, even if you feel like your partner is out of your league, they still chose to be with you. It’s important to remember that a partner with the agency to “upgrade” and leave you behind also has the agency to stay. Often the cause of a divorce isn’t an outside influence but mismanaged conflicts between the people in a relationship.

Communication is important if any relationship is going to last

Image credits: KATRIN BOLOVTSOVA / envato (not the actual photo)

Similarly, if a person is predisposed to cheat on you or leave you at the first opportunity, you can’t exactly do anything about it. For example, a particularly controlling boyfriend could ban his partner from talking to other people. The partner could even agree to this rule, and just keep doing it in secret if they felt so inclined. Cheaters will cheat, lie and manipulate, you can’t just make unenforceable rules to keep them at bay.

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Studies show insecurity does often spiral into downright controlling behavior which tends to make any relationship toxic. Like a self-fulfilling prophecy, an insecure partner might end up making the relationship so intolerable that their partner just leaves them.

The truth is, relationships have to be built on trust because we can not actually control other people. If you are truly afraid your partner will leave you, you perhaps need to explore being single until you can resolve your insecurities. This can sound harsh perhaps, but this story is a good indication of just how annoying and draining it can be to try and be with someone who has unresolved insecurities. If you have any experience with insecure couples, the most common emotion is to think “wow, they are not going to make it.”

This is not to say that this woman needs to call off the wedding, but realistically, she needs to sit down with her partner and work this out. Perhaps he was having a bad day, or there was something very particular about this situation that got him riled up. However, without communication or work, this situation will happen again, perhaps even to a greater extent.

Netizens thought his reaction was overblown

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