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Woman Is Hiking Through Tears For 3 Years After Trying Too Hard To Impress A Guy And It Works
At one point in our lives, many of us have tried to be someone we’re not. It could be through lying on a résumé, feigning expertise to gain respect, or pretending to be interested in an activity to get the attention of a romantic interest.
This woman tried to impress a guy she liked by pretending to enjoy hiking. She did end up with the man, but had to continue with the adventurous lifestyle, much to her great dismay.
Now, three years in, the woman is trying to figure out how to climb out of the hole she dug herself into.
RELATED:
There is a downside to faking it till you make it
Image credits: Image-Source / envato (not the actual photo)
This woman pretended to enjoy hiking to impress a man
Image credits: zelmab / envato (not the actual photo)
As someone who dislikes being outdoors, she now regrets her decision and is looking for a way out
Image credits: Objective_Special_13
Pretending to be someone you’re not can lead to self-deception
When you believe in a lie long enough, you’re essentially tricking your brain into thinking that it is true. This cognitive bias is known as the illusory truth effect, which is often exploited in political propaganda and the spreading of misinformation.
The same thing happens when you pretend to be someone you are not. As veteran psychologist Dr. Bruce Wilson explains, mere pretending has some mechanism of control.
However, pretending for long enough can gradually evolve into self-deception, which also involves distorting the truth.
“The awareness of when one is pretending has been pushed to a level where our awareness becomes gradually more and more marginalized,” Dr. Wilson explained in an article for Psychology Today. “The lying is no longer perceived as lying because the truth has been hijacked.”
In the story’s case, the woman’s feigned enjoyment of hiking turned into her reality. While her truth isn’t distorted and her disdain for the outdoors remains, she placed herself in a difficult situation.
Coming clean to a partner about a lie may strengthen the relationship
Image credits: Nastia Petruk / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Experts agree that secrets and lies may be detrimental to a relationship because they block genuine intimacy with a partner. While the woman’s lie isn’t severe enough to cause damage, it brings her more of a burden.
However, she isn’t planning on coming clean anytime soon, at least based on her post. But according to California-based therapist Dr. Kurt Smith, telling the truth may actually help the relationship.
“Our relationship is strengthened and deepened by being truthful as well as being real that we make mistakes and aren’t perfect,” Dr. Smith told HuffPost.
Given the jam she is in, the author may be finding it challenging to begin telling the truth. In such cases, marriage and family therapist Dr. Sheri Meyers suggests doing the “Oreo method.”
In a nutshell, this approach involves taking responsibility for wrongdoing to initiate the conversation. It then concludes with a promise to focus on improvement.
“Start with love. Close with love,” Dr. Meyers said.
If the woman is serious about her relationship, it may help her to come clean and tell the truth.
Commenters had mixed reactions to the story as the author responded to some questions
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What do you think ?
Cronecast AtTheRisingMoon 8 months ago
I think this one of those times when both apply. I mean, she can fake sciatica (comes, goes, dreadfully painful, no predicting it…that sort of thing) and maybe back out of the situation but that lie is really deep in the fabric of their relationship. She was kind of pretending to be compatible with him on a level that might be important to him. He is still going to go hiking, presumably. It’s funny because wow, did she ever commit, but it’s sad because ultimately admitting is admitting to have faked compatibility.
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LakotaWolf (she/her) 8 months ago
I think she needs to have a chat with the "I pretended I like LaCroix/sparkling water and now it's become my lifestyle" guy from the post a few days ago XD They can share tips and tricks for how to escape their loathed activities!
DrBronxx 8 months ago
I have zero sympathy for this person. Sure, you exaggerate some things in the beginning - give your partner's interests a try, etc., but the more you get to know each other, the more you should actually get to know each other, and feel comfortable enough to tell each other what you actually like and don't like. So, it seems that OP has been in a relationship with someone for 3 years, and they don't actually know each other. That is very sad. I feel sorry for her partner.
rullyman 8 months ago
For real. I can't imagine being so much of a loser that I waste my life doing an activity i don't like because I thought it would impress someone else. I love hiking, if my husband didn't, that would be fine!
Load More Replies...
Pittsburgh rare 8 months ago
When you're 40+ and trying to date you need to be clear about certain things. I, for instance, always make clear that l like long walks in the nature but NOT hiking. Has saved me from ending up with Mr. Let's Casually Climb the Anapurna.
sofacushionfort 8 months ago
“I have good news and bad news. Bad news: I was lying about (X activity). Good news: I really do like food and s*x. So where do we go from here?”
Power puff scientist 8 months ago
still suprised how you can overcommit so much that you become known as hiking girl, people assume it's at the core of your identity ans you even start leading monthly hikes... cant say no ever?
LillieMean 8 months ago
I laughed out loud. You should never lie about liking something just to please someone else or you'll end up in a sticky situation like this. Think about it, worst case scenario you'll have to pretend for the rest of your life that you love hiking. Would you pretend for the rest of your life that you have orgasms? Plantar fasciitis is a good excuse even if you don't have it. I get them often myself and those exercise instructions are helpful anyway and ball rolling and stretching feels heavenly anyway. I never told my husband I didn't like Marvel superhero movies but I watched them a lot because I wanted to share the experience with him. We spent time together, I enjoyed his company and it made him happy. I find them boring. I find CGI-filled ADHD action movies extremely boring and I fell asleep several times. Luckily I didn't get caught. He knows I watched them for him and I'm a hiking person and I don't expect him to come along because he hates bugs and thrives in the city.
Mimi M 8 months ago
That's sweet. Does he watch your sort of movies with you?
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marcelo D. 8 months ago
the amount of comments telling her how to keep decieving her boyfriend are frankly disgusting. OP should tell the truth. She will definetly be dumped (or at least she should be, she has been lying about her entire personality for the whole relationship), but then she can stop being so fake
alloutbikes@yahoo.com 3 months ago
I told my date now husband I love bicycling. I didn't know people actually rides bikes for hours and hours ...for fun. His like and my like were on two way different levels. Oh and now I own a bike shop.
Cronecast AtTheRisingMoon 8 months ago
I think this one of those times when both apply. I mean, she can fake sciatica (comes, goes, dreadfully painful, no predicting it…that sort of thing) and maybe back out of the situation but that lie is really deep in the fabric of their relationship. She was kind of pretending to be compatible with him on a level that might be important to him. He is still going to go hiking, presumably. It’s funny because wow, did she ever commit, but it’s sad because ultimately admitting is admitting to have faked compatibility.
Load More Replies... LakotaWolf (she/her) 8 months ago
I think she needs to have a chat with the "I pretended I like LaCroix/sparkling water and now it's become my lifestyle" guy from the post a few days ago XD They can share tips and tricks for how to escape their loathed activities!
DrBronxx 8 months ago
I have zero sympathy for this person. Sure, you exaggerate some things in the beginning - give your partner's interests a try, etc., but the more you get to know each other, the more you should actually get to know each other, and feel comfortable enough to tell each other what you actually like and don't like. So, it seems that OP has been in a relationship with someone for 3 years, and they don't actually know each other. That is very sad. I feel sorry for her partner.
rullyman 8 months ago
For real. I can't imagine being so much of a loser that I waste my life doing an activity i don't like because I thought it would impress someone else. I love hiking, if my husband didn't, that would be fine!
Load More Replies... Pittsburgh rare 8 months ago
When you're 40+ and trying to date you need to be clear about certain things. I, for instance, always make clear that l like long walks in the nature but NOT hiking. Has saved me from ending up with Mr. Let's Casually Climb the Anapurna.
sofacushionfort 8 months ago
“I have good news and bad news. Bad news: I was lying about (X activity). Good news: I really do like food and s*x. So where do we go from here?”
Power puff scientist 8 months ago
still suprised how you can overcommit so much that you become known as hiking girl, people assume it's at the core of your identity ans you even start leading monthly hikes... cant say no ever?
LillieMean 8 months ago
I laughed out loud. You should never lie about liking something just to please someone else or you'll end up in a sticky situation like this. Think about it, worst case scenario you'll have to pretend for the rest of your life that you love hiking. Would you pretend for the rest of your life that you have orgasms? Plantar fasciitis is a good excuse even if you don't have it. I get them often myself and those exercise instructions are helpful anyway and ball rolling and stretching feels heavenly anyway. I never told my husband I didn't like Marvel superhero movies but I watched them a lot because I wanted to share the experience with him. We spent time together, I enjoyed his company and it made him happy. I find them boring. I find CGI-filled ADHD action movies extremely boring and I fell asleep several times. Luckily I didn't get caught. He knows I watched them for him and I'm a hiking person and I don't expect him to come along because he hates bugs and thrives in the city.
Mimi M 8 months ago
That's sweet. Does he watch your sort of movies with you?
Load More Replies... marcelo D. 8 months ago
the amount of comments telling her how to keep decieving her boyfriend are frankly disgusting. OP should tell the truth. She will definetly be dumped (or at least she should be, she has been lying about her entire personality for the whole relationship), but then she can stop being so fake
alloutbikes@yahoo.com 3 months ago
I told my date now husband I love bicycling. I didn't know people actually rides bikes for hours and hours ...for fun. His like and my like were on two way different levels. Oh and now I own a bike shop.
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