It sucks for the kids to have lousy people in their lives, but OP absolutely needs to put her health and mental well being first. People are saying the sister got the same. No, sister got easier. Sister did not have her own sister betray her, nor have her parents essentially tell her to suck it up buttercup. Both Parents and sister betrayed OP as well as husband. No contact seems reasonable here.

Cut. Contact. With. All. Of. Them.

"My deep childhood trauma is that I have an aunt I never met." Said literally no one ever. Those kids don't care about the aunt they don't know, that's just a manipulation tactic.

You can forgive the lot of them if you like. But for your own sake, that does not mean you have to have anything to do with them. Just because you forgive someone does not mean you will allow them to hurt you over and over again and be a doormat for their entitled abuse. No. No, no, no, no, no.

It's not holding a grudge. She's holding her sister accountable. Big difference

This is sad, OP you have my full support, NTA-no don't even question yourself remember YOU ARE NOT THE A** YOUR FAMILY IS TRYING TO USE YOU

Sister and parents are using the children to basically sway OP to contribute financially. OP should forgive. Forgiveness is about letting go of the negative emotions. It doesn't necessarily mean accepting betrayers back in your life. She definitely needs to cut ties completely.

The title is a bit misleading because her sister didn't have an affair with "her ex", it was her husband at the time.

You set several boundaries and they completely disregarded them. I'm sad to say but it sounds like they are too toxic and you are better off giving and find support in your husband and his extended family.

Even sisters who aren't close have rules. Your sister took your bond and spit on it. You owe her nothing. Let her painfully lie in the bed she made. She deserves it

Horrible parents who favor the golden child. I hate parents who do this, they shouldn't have had kids in the first place.

I’m gonna shout this for those in the back row: FORGIVENESS DOESN’T REQUIRE YOU TO MAINTAIN THE RELATIONSHIP. I can’t tell you how many people I’ve known who needed to forgive, but couldn’t overcome their resentment because doing so meant they felt they had to maintain or reestablish the relationship. Forgiving (including ourselves) is one of the most important things we can do to be healthy & continue to grow. When we forgive those we don’t have a relationship with, we can move to a place of apathy or ambivalence toward them rather than anger or resentment.

Cutting toxic people from one’s life is not holding grudge. Guilting a woman who’s been betrayed as this woman has is the ultimate in gaslighting. She has obviously emptied the trash. Everyone needs to move on as well.

Op was in the hospital having a miscarriage and No One was by her side?!! That in itself is unforgivable, let alone her then husband not bringing her home after such a devastating loss! I'm assuming OP's sister was her only sibling, no way my sister would be going through such a trauma without my support! She's much better off cutting ties with them, also sounds like she found her real family that actually love and support her.

NTA. Wow, never ceases to amaze me how low people will go. I guess once a cheater, always a cheater. Karma strikes again. By what "magic" did the sister think the husband wouldn't do the same to her? It took the OP long enough to get over the betrayal. Now, and ONLY NOW, her family wants her to let bygones be bygones?? Step in now and feel sorry for the sister? Nah, don't fall for it. Where was everyone when OP needed support all those years ago? Let these toxic people go. It's really tough thing to do, I realize. But if OP is happy, settled down with a great husband and his family she loves, that's what really matters. Don't get sucked in to their drama.

I am sorry that you had to endure that. I am also sorry about both miscarriages. But if I were you, I would forgive her in my heart, (because God would want me to, and that would free you to live your own life happily), but sever ALL ties. What your sister did was heinous and self-centered. She didn't care that you were suffering from a miscarriage, and was selfish for sleeping with your husband. The husband is a sociopath. Your parents are wrong for pressuring you to help your sister. They were wrong for even condoning the marriage of your sister to your ex-husband. If anything, they should have cut your sister off for her disgusting behavior. I wouldn't want ANYTHING to do with any one of them ever again. I feel sorry for the children because both of their parents are awful human beings.

Oh Honey Now No! OP may not EVER " get over" this & that's OP's prerogative, no one else's. I applaud her for taking care of herself & staying away from her pit of vipers family. I am so sorry OP went thru that. You get what you settle for & she's a trooper for confronting this. Definite NTA

Wow! Unbelievable! I’m amazed at the parents omg as a mother I’d be reminding the offensive daughter every time she brought it up that she doesn’t have a sister because she slept with her husband I mean the freaking audacity of these ppl trying to make her feel like that’s nothing. I just can’t imagine the psychological torture of this scenario. I’d be firm and clear to my parents that they best worry about their relationship with me and to never speak to me about her or those kids again or I’m all no contact and won’t look back. Ppl think they can do selfish things with the thought that time heals all it’s so entitled like I can have my cake and eat it too it called consequences she chose lust over her sister own it!

I will never understand why people try to force a relationship between other people when one or both are clearly not interested. All for the sake of family unity. B******t.

Cut my family out because of so called older sister did that same s**t didn't go to father's funeral won't be going to so called mothers no contact with eight siblings and I finally have peace life will go on

NTA. Stay away from those terrible people. You have a great life, no thanks to them. I am so sorry you had to go through that.

Family is a strange thing. We are born into it, but it's also something that can be lost. I wouldn't see your ex husband or your sister as family. They chose to break that relationship. I was married and had kids and then was cheated on and divorced. Not long after she got pregnant with another guy. I don't consider her family personally even though my children will (we get along fine though). But my children now have a sister, and I have no problem considering her family. The child did not commit the crimes of the parent. So, just like my own kids, I can consider this girl family and not her parents. Family is a right at birth but a privilege as you grow older. What am I exactly to this child? Not a stepfather, nor an uncle, but names mean little anyway. But if that girl ever needed help, I would treat her as I would any family. Not saying in anyway this applies to OP's situation, but just wanted to share my journey through a similar messy situation and how I found peace in it.

You slept with her husband while she was having a miscarriage and married him, then....when he did the same to you, you need her to help you through it. No!!!! You don't get to hurt someone and then want to cry on her shoulder and expect her to be there for you after you betrayed her.

Please for the love of .. cut your whole damn family out. The older your parents get the more you'll have to interact with the sister to coordinate their care none of them deserve that from you you've sacrificed enough. Be happy and at peace with your new real family

Love how the parents try to justify her actions. I wouldn’t even acknowledge her on the street. I would lose zero sleep for my choice never to talk to her again.

Everybody betrayed the OP but the sister got what was expected yet she got special treatment while OP was just treated like c**p by everybody? Sounds like favoritism to me. The epitome of people believing "Family before EVERYTHING" then screwing brother-in-laws hoping they'd be forgiven eventually. Family is in your heart, not your blood. My blood family are all on drugs and I don't speak to them. My SOUL family are amazing people who have been with me since I was 13 and I love them more than anything. I love my blood family too, of course, but I refuse to let them drag me down.

No contact. Anyone who criticizes your decision, the same. The children are blameless, but you must wait until they reach the age of majority to explain why you're estranged from their parents. The fact that your sister and ex married demonstrated zero remorse. You can forgive someone but still insist on no contact. An adult relationship with their children is the only indication their parents deserve, when you're ready.

There is always a pattern - If he was doing this to the one before you, he'll continue doing it to you and after you. OP owes them nothing - she went through this, and where were they? Siding with the sister. No thank you. Pass on these toxic MFers.

As someone who has lost 2 babies I can honestly say the sister didn't deserve to give birth to her still born child. However, if she even has a shred of decency she would never allow her sister to be in hospital losing her baby and in bed with her BIL. then she chose to continue the relationship and marry him and have kids... and only now that the relationship has broken down she wants to get back talking with her sister? The woman is not remorseful whatsoever she's just wanting to invite OP to her pity party and the parents encouraged this and still must have had contact with OP's ex husband. So f*ked up on so many levels. Defo NTA

If I was OP I'd go to petty/agressive. "Sorry, I don't feel confortable bringing you/my sister in contact with my husband ... We ALL known what happened the first time and she don't need to have three other cheat-babies" Then go no contact

She might want to try to get a restraining order to stop the calls/harassment. Just the threat of going to court and airing all this fùckery might be enough to shut those people up

Why do people who have relationships with some one who cheated on their partner to be in that relationship always think that they aren't gonna cheat on them to? Like is it egl thinking they are better and it won't happen to them? Like if this person cheated on some one else to be with you, why do you think they won't do it again? Who actually wants to be in that type of flammable relationship. Not to mention you are most certainly not gonna completely trust them ever/keep tabs on them.

I absolutely have no use for "family". Always drama. Move away and don't leave a fwd address

I honestly think that OP did the right thing. Her sister is absolutely the A- hole, but her kids have no part in this that they could control so I feel like things could have gone bad between OP and her trashy sister's kids. Her snake of a sister is horrible. OP is in the right here, this is karma. NTA

I thought of this one for a while. While NTA the author can walk away forever and feel no guilt. And maybe the family does have some ulterior motive in all this, IDK? However, it also could be that the parents simply want the siblings and family back together, no strings attached and maybe are going at it wrong. Also, yes, ad nausea, the sister owes nothing to the cheater. However, now consider that for what she did they will never speak again and die estranged. Forgiveness is noble and not for everyone, but baby steps maybe ok?