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Woman Didn’t Drink Alcohol, Refuses To Pay $470 Of Her ‘Share’ Of Bill, Asks If She’s Wrong
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Woman Didn’t Drink Alcohol, Refuses To Pay $470 Of Her ‘Share’ Of Bill, Asks If She’s Wrong

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When a group of people go out for dinner, they are generally happy to split things evenly, purely out of convenience. But when there’s a non-drinker among them, things get a little more complicated. Should they just bite their tongue and cover the costs of fancy cocktails when they’ve been sipping on soda all night, or should they speak up about it?

Wondering the same thing, a woman turned to the AITAH subreddit when she received a $470 Venmo request after a friend’s bachelorette. All she had that night was a mocktail and sparkling water, which roughly should have come to about $70. Her friends were reluctant to accept the lesser repayment, which pushed her to take further action.

As a non-drinker, knowing how to share a group dinner’s costs can be complicated

Image credits: olia danilevich / Pexels (not the actual photo)

However, this woman gathered the courage to speak up after receiving a $470 Venmo request after a bachelorette

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Image credits: Polina Zimmerman / Pexels (not the actual photo)

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Image credits: Reddit

Image credits: Kaboompics .com / Pexels (not the actual photo)

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A non-drinker shouldn’t be expected to cover other people’s alcoholic drinks

A short answer to this dilemma is that a non-drinker shouldn’t be expected to cover other people’s alcoholic drinks. They just have to know how to politely tell them “No,” says Kimberly Pope, founder of The Pope Institute for Polish, Poise and Etiquette

The best way to do this is by bringing it up before the meal starts. Simply ask the waiter for a separate check so that others can split the drinks among themselves. Having cash can also come in handy so you can pay for the meal without needing separate checks. 

However, no matter the reason you’re choosing to stray away from alcohol, you don’t have to feel uncomfortable refusing to cover the rest of the drinks. “No one should have a problem with the fact that you’re not going to be able to pay for or contribute to alcohol,” Pope says. “That should be understood as ‘It’s fine.’ That should not be forced onto.”

Friends should also respect your boundaries without pressuring you for an explanation. They need to equally understand that when someone is not drinking, they oughtn’t to finance everyone else’s champagne or cocktails. 

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Image credits: Karolina Grabowska / Pexels (not the actual photo)

A great alternative is offering to cover the bill and asking everyone to pay back

If a person isn’t familiar enough with the group they’re with or is just generally uncomfortable speaking up, they can suggest covering the bill. Of course, sometime asking everyone to pay them back for what everyone ordered. This way, the non-drinker is left to pay what they truly owe. With apps like Venmo, that’s never been easier. 

Another alternative, in case you’re feeling squeamish about the bill, is using a friend at a larger gathering who would say, “Claire didn’t have any alcohol, so she should pay less.” It’s often easier to advocate for others than for yourself so no one should mind and it often works wonders.

However, experts note that group dinners shouldn’t be the time to be meticulous. “I think if you go out to dinner, you just have to throw capitalism out of your head,” said humorist and cultural observer Joel Stein. 

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“It doesn’t matter if you just felt like a drink or a salad. The idea of some kind of financial fairness in a group-dining situation is nonexistent. Once you’ve accepted an invitation to go out with a large group, you just have to know that you’ve entered a socialist space.”

Some readers found the woman’s behavior adequate

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Meanwhile, others believed both sides were at fault

Some saw the author as wrong

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Austeja Zokaite

Austeja Zokaite

Writer, BoredPanda staff

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Hi, glad you swung by! My name is Austėja, and I’m a writer at Bored Panda. With a degree in English philology, I’m interested in all aspects of language. Being fresh out of university, my mission is to master the art of writing and add my unique touch to every personal story and uplifting article we publish. In my time here, I’ve covered some fun topics such as scrungy cats and pareidolia, as well as more serious ones about mental health and relationship hiccups. When I’m not on my laptop, you’ll probably find me devouring pastries, especially croissants, paired with a soothing cup of tea. Sunsets, the sea, and swimming are some of my favorite things.

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Austeja Zokaite

Austeja Zokaite

Writer, BoredPanda staff

Hi, glad you swung by! My name is Austėja, and I’m a writer at Bored Panda. With a degree in English philology, I’m interested in all aspects of language. Being fresh out of university, my mission is to master the art of writing and add my unique touch to every personal story and uplifting article we publish. In my time here, I’ve covered some fun topics such as scrungy cats and pareidolia, as well as more serious ones about mental health and relationship hiccups. When I’m not on my laptop, you’ll probably find me devouring pastries, especially croissants, paired with a soothing cup of tea. Sunsets, the sea, and swimming are some of my favorite things.

Indrė Lukošiūtė

Indrė Lukošiūtė

Author, BoredPanda staff

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I am a Visual editor at Bored Panda, I'm determined to find the most interesting and the best quality images for each post that I do. On my free time I like to unwind by doing some yoga, watching all kinds of movies/tv shows, playing video and board games or just simply hanging out with my cat

Read less »

Indrė Lukošiūtė

Indrė Lukošiūtė

Author, BoredPanda staff

I am a Visual editor at Bored Panda, I'm determined to find the most interesting and the best quality images for each post that I do. On my free time I like to unwind by doing some yoga, watching all kinds of movies/tv shows, playing video and board games or just simply hanging out with my cat

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Trillian
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In my country "splitting the bill" means everyone pays for what they had (and it's the norm to do so unless you were invited). I don't like splitting equal parts bc that is almost always unfair and benefits the people who ordered the most expensive meals or drink a lot.

Libstak
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes, it's always the big eaters and drinkers that want to evenly split the bill....whenever I agree to split the bill it's with a group that have basically had a fair spread on costs, even though as a non drinker I pay more, it usually equals buying them each a drink, which I don't mind tbh but I'm not buying them all a $250 share on their drinks, that's a bridge too far to be fair in any way, shape or form.

Load More Replies...
Poison Ivy/Boo
Community Member
5 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When our friend group go to the pub as a group (in Scotland) each person puts £20 in a glass on the table and that's used for paying for rounds. Because I don't drink alcohol, I've never been asked to put money in. I pay for my pepsi max or diet coke myself. No one has an issue with it and trust me, if there was an issue, friends would definitely call me out on it. She's NTA.

FreeTheUnicorn
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Absolutely, it's never the round of the person drinking pepsi. My friend group usually get a round of wings/chips here and there so non drinkers get something.

Load More Replies...
Paul C
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Generally, I've found splitting the bill equally always ends up with a much bigger bill. People seem to order a lot more when they think they only have to pay a quarter or sixth or tenth or whatever of the bill. I prefer to just pay for my own food and drinks, then I can budget how I choose, but still see my friends.

Susan Bosse
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm sober. I'll pay my portion of the guest of honor but I'm not paying for your alcohol. No apologies necessary. That's asinine they'd expect a non-drinker to split an even portion of over $1K. It's REALLY asinine to say someone has a better job. F**k that. Don't go over your means and get pissed when someone else refuses to cover it. Wonder what the bride's reaction was. She never said.

The Starsong Princess
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Op should have spoken up at the beginning but why is this party of consisting of people on low wages who still live with their parents ordering $500 bottles of champagne? Those are rich people drinks and there is plenty of fun to be had in Vegas that doesn’t involve that.

MR
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sorry, but no. If splitting the bill comes within, say, 5 -10% of what you ordered/consumed, so be it. But if it's any greater than that, you have an implied right to change your mind. When people go out, they need to be responsible and predictable in what they spend. If they only have $5, then they can't be expected to spent $10 because everyone else could afford it. And they sure as hell shouldn't think they should be able to get away with spending $20, having others pick up their slack. You had a number of people consuming well beyond their means. That's outright ridiculous. Hence, why, no matter whether you agree to it beforehand, you have a right to reject the outcome if your consumption doesn't properly align with the group's.

Hmmm hmmmm
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How on earth did you spend 2350 on drinks and starters . I get it's Vegas but like what ?!!!!

KatSaidWhat
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I got badly stung many years ago as have other friends. Now we only pay what we ordered and on big occasions, nobody orders booze at the table.

WonderWoman
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why does the bride get a free weekend? She is the one who is costing everyone money and all she is doing is signing a contract. These over the top brides parties are insanity! And OP only owes what she consumed. The others were trying to screw OP.

Tenebre
Community Member
5 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why did OP agree to split the check? In the US, splitting the check always means its divided equally among the party members. "Pay separately" or "separate checks" is paying for only yourself. OP is 100% in the wrong for agreeing to split the check beforehand, being okay with it going on someone else's card, not doing ANY of the work to figure out the payments, throwing a fit because you were asked to chip in (which you previously agreed to) and then "thoughtfully" covering part of the friends bill. She had PLENTY of time to be like, "Woah wait? $500 champagne? Who's covering that?" But instead waited until she was the only sober one out of the group to have a drunk person handle the payment. Class act. Also want to point out that they ordered bottle service, not "just champagne and cocktails" they were served all night at an exclusive table, didn't have to wait in line to get in, go to the bar to be served drinks, ect. So yes. Op should've contributed to that or not sat at the table.

Janet L
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would NEVER expect a non drinker to subsidise everyone else’s alcohol consumption - very unfair. When my daughter went out with friends she had a coke and a burger as she was broke - her friends would order steaks, good wine, desserts, then insist she pay an equal share. This is just a way for selfish A holes to pay less for their bills.

Coffeemama05
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I feel like they took advantage of her by saying “split the bill”. And they live with their parents and she makes more yet they thought it was responsible to order basically anything? No. She shouldn’t owe for everyone’s drinks. It should be food and their own drinks. I’d be really upset if I drank water and everyone else got all sorts and I had to pay for theirs. Nope. I wouldn’t

Pixie T
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If ever I'm in a group and we agree to split the bill I always make a point to say its for food only. Same goes if I take my partner, parents, sister or best friend and his husband for dinner. I'll cover the entire bill, my treat but that applies to the meal only not the alcohol as I don't drink and oftentimes the bar bill has been more than double the cost of the food.

Insomniac
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In Canada, splitting the bill means everyone pays for what they themselves ordered. All restaurants offer separate bills, and they even split the cost of shared appetizers, etc. if you ask. I don't drink, and there's no way I'm paying for someone else to get wasted. At a bachelorette, I'd kick in for the bride, but that's it. It's rather understood here that you pay for your own alcohol.

CK
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Splitting equal parts is only for when everyone's bill is about equal, especially if people shared most of the things they ordered (e.g. fries for the table).

Ionescu Popa
Community Member
5 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

for the last screenshot: many semi-legal criminal activities take place after the "handshake", and that's why there are also rules after that point. i feel that the ladies (including the bride) wanted to dump her,. but not before clearing her of few hundred dollars. plus anyway, shouldn't be the bridal party paid by the bride? it seems that recently usernames referring advanced physics and space are as aggressive as those on the evil side, which shows where they come from.

Rahul Pawa
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In the reddit comments, Nando raised a good point. Clubs in Vegas work differently than buying rounds at the local pub. Those 2 bottles of champagne were $500 each because when you buy them, you also get a table and chairs to sit at, which you otherwise would not get. Don't think of it as paying for alcohol, think of it as paying to rent that space for a couple hours.

ADZ
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Is another stupid American thing like tipping, not splitting bills according to your order? Particularly when the costs are grossly imbalanced? In Australia it's not considered rude or tacky to pay for your own, but if everything is roughly similar ok to split evenly.

ADZ
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Lop reading the comments: American thing. Trying to reward the greedy and selfish.

Load More Replies...
Trillian
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In my country "splitting the bill" means everyone pays for what they had (and it's the norm to do so unless you were invited). I don't like splitting equal parts bc that is almost always unfair and benefits the people who ordered the most expensive meals or drink a lot.

Libstak
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes, it's always the big eaters and drinkers that want to evenly split the bill....whenever I agree to split the bill it's with a group that have basically had a fair spread on costs, even though as a non drinker I pay more, it usually equals buying them each a drink, which I don't mind tbh but I'm not buying them all a $250 share on their drinks, that's a bridge too far to be fair in any way, shape or form.

Load More Replies...
Poison Ivy/Boo
Community Member
5 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When our friend group go to the pub as a group (in Scotland) each person puts £20 in a glass on the table and that's used for paying for rounds. Because I don't drink alcohol, I've never been asked to put money in. I pay for my pepsi max or diet coke myself. No one has an issue with it and trust me, if there was an issue, friends would definitely call me out on it. She's NTA.

FreeTheUnicorn
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Absolutely, it's never the round of the person drinking pepsi. My friend group usually get a round of wings/chips here and there so non drinkers get something.

Load More Replies...
Paul C
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Generally, I've found splitting the bill equally always ends up with a much bigger bill. People seem to order a lot more when they think they only have to pay a quarter or sixth or tenth or whatever of the bill. I prefer to just pay for my own food and drinks, then I can budget how I choose, but still see my friends.

Susan Bosse
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm sober. I'll pay my portion of the guest of honor but I'm not paying for your alcohol. No apologies necessary. That's asinine they'd expect a non-drinker to split an even portion of over $1K. It's REALLY asinine to say someone has a better job. F**k that. Don't go over your means and get pissed when someone else refuses to cover it. Wonder what the bride's reaction was. She never said.

The Starsong Princess
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Op should have spoken up at the beginning but why is this party of consisting of people on low wages who still live with their parents ordering $500 bottles of champagne? Those are rich people drinks and there is plenty of fun to be had in Vegas that doesn’t involve that.

MR
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sorry, but no. If splitting the bill comes within, say, 5 -10% of what you ordered/consumed, so be it. But if it's any greater than that, you have an implied right to change your mind. When people go out, they need to be responsible and predictable in what they spend. If they only have $5, then they can't be expected to spent $10 because everyone else could afford it. And they sure as hell shouldn't think they should be able to get away with spending $20, having others pick up their slack. You had a number of people consuming well beyond their means. That's outright ridiculous. Hence, why, no matter whether you agree to it beforehand, you have a right to reject the outcome if your consumption doesn't properly align with the group's.

Hmmm hmmmm
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How on earth did you spend 2350 on drinks and starters . I get it's Vegas but like what ?!!!!

KatSaidWhat
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I got badly stung many years ago as have other friends. Now we only pay what we ordered and on big occasions, nobody orders booze at the table.

WonderWoman
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why does the bride get a free weekend? She is the one who is costing everyone money and all she is doing is signing a contract. These over the top brides parties are insanity! And OP only owes what she consumed. The others were trying to screw OP.

Tenebre
Community Member
5 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why did OP agree to split the check? In the US, splitting the check always means its divided equally among the party members. "Pay separately" or "separate checks" is paying for only yourself. OP is 100% in the wrong for agreeing to split the check beforehand, being okay with it going on someone else's card, not doing ANY of the work to figure out the payments, throwing a fit because you were asked to chip in (which you previously agreed to) and then "thoughtfully" covering part of the friends bill. She had PLENTY of time to be like, "Woah wait? $500 champagne? Who's covering that?" But instead waited until she was the only sober one out of the group to have a drunk person handle the payment. Class act. Also want to point out that they ordered bottle service, not "just champagne and cocktails" they were served all night at an exclusive table, didn't have to wait in line to get in, go to the bar to be served drinks, ect. So yes. Op should've contributed to that or not sat at the table.

Janet L
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would NEVER expect a non drinker to subsidise everyone else’s alcohol consumption - very unfair. When my daughter went out with friends she had a coke and a burger as she was broke - her friends would order steaks, good wine, desserts, then insist she pay an equal share. This is just a way for selfish A holes to pay less for their bills.

Coffeemama05
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I feel like they took advantage of her by saying “split the bill”. And they live with their parents and she makes more yet they thought it was responsible to order basically anything? No. She shouldn’t owe for everyone’s drinks. It should be food and their own drinks. I’d be really upset if I drank water and everyone else got all sorts and I had to pay for theirs. Nope. I wouldn’t

Pixie T
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If ever I'm in a group and we agree to split the bill I always make a point to say its for food only. Same goes if I take my partner, parents, sister or best friend and his husband for dinner. I'll cover the entire bill, my treat but that applies to the meal only not the alcohol as I don't drink and oftentimes the bar bill has been more than double the cost of the food.

Insomniac
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In Canada, splitting the bill means everyone pays for what they themselves ordered. All restaurants offer separate bills, and they even split the cost of shared appetizers, etc. if you ask. I don't drink, and there's no way I'm paying for someone else to get wasted. At a bachelorette, I'd kick in for the bride, but that's it. It's rather understood here that you pay for your own alcohol.

CK
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Splitting equal parts is only for when everyone's bill is about equal, especially if people shared most of the things they ordered (e.g. fries for the table).

Ionescu Popa
Community Member
5 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

for the last screenshot: many semi-legal criminal activities take place after the "handshake", and that's why there are also rules after that point. i feel that the ladies (including the bride) wanted to dump her,. but not before clearing her of few hundred dollars. plus anyway, shouldn't be the bridal party paid by the bride? it seems that recently usernames referring advanced physics and space are as aggressive as those on the evil side, which shows where they come from.

Rahul Pawa
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In the reddit comments, Nando raised a good point. Clubs in Vegas work differently than buying rounds at the local pub. Those 2 bottles of champagne were $500 each because when you buy them, you also get a table and chairs to sit at, which you otherwise would not get. Don't think of it as paying for alcohol, think of it as paying to rent that space for a couple hours.

ADZ
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Is another stupid American thing like tipping, not splitting bills according to your order? Particularly when the costs are grossly imbalanced? In Australia it's not considered rude or tacky to pay for your own, but if everything is roughly similar ok to split evenly.

ADZ
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Lop reading the comments: American thing. Trying to reward the greedy and selfish.

Load More Replies...
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