Thanksgiving is an extremely special holiday for many Americans, as this might be the only time you get to gather with all of your relatives the entire year. Finally, you get to cozy up on the couch to watch the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, play board games with Grandma, enjoy a wholesome feast and express gratitude for all of your blessings. ‘Tis the season! 

But as wonderful as Turkey Day can be, it’s not always picture perfect. In an effort to prevent conflicts, one woman created a “code of conduct” for her family to follow on Thanksgiving. But instead of getting everyone on the same page, her rules ruined her family’s holiday plans. Below, you’ll find the full story that her sister recently posted on Reddit, as well as a conversation with psychologist and founder of Therapy With Olivia, Olivia Brouillette.

This woman is usually in charge of hosting her family’s Thanksgiving gathering

Image credits: Kateryna Hliznitsova / unsplash (not the actual photo)

But when her sister came up with a “code of conduct” for everyone to follow, she decided that she couldn’t do it this year

Image credits: pacoocimage / freepik (not the actual photo)

Image credits: ziolczykdaniel

The vast majority of Americans celebrate Thanksgiving with their loved ones

Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)

Thanksgiving is a huge holiday in the United States. The Pew Research Center reports that a whopping 91% of Americans celebrate Turkey Day, and over a quarter of Americans plan to enjoy the holiday with at least 10 other people this year. 

This day is typically celebrated by eating a feast of seasonal dishes, watching football, watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, playing games with relatives and taking a moment to share gratitude for all that you have.

In fact, two thirds of Americans say a prayer or blessing before enjoying their Thanksgiving feasts, while 69% express what they’re thankful for. And 56% of Americans will do both before chowing down on turkey, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole and more. 

Aside from watching sports, many Americans also plan to spend this Thursday talking about work or school, discussing the recent presidential election, talking about pop culture, watching a parade, donating food or goods and doing some holiday shopping. 

But as magical as Thanksgiving can be, it’s also notorious for being a day full of family drama. Heated political debates with relatives can ruin your appetite, and there’s often tension in the kitchen as one parent works hard to prepare all of the food as quickly as they can and the other sits on the couch asking, “When’s the food going to be ready?”

Family drama is extremely common during the holiday season

To learn more about this situation, we got in touch with psychologist and founder of Therapy With Olivia, Olivia Brouillette. Olivia was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda and discuss family conflicts during the holidays.

“First, it’s important for people to know how common it is to have family drama/conflict around the holidays. In fact, the holiday season is usually our busiest season because of the anticipation of drama,” the psychologist noted. “The drama’s reasoning can depend on each family and person involved, but, generally speaking, I often see it happening when family members share different opinions and ideals.”

“What I often hear (and have seen personally) is this feeling of obligation to be around family, even if you don’t usually get along or even like the person,” Olivia shared. “And when we’re forced in close proximity with people we don’t like and disagree with, and then mix alcohol and family obligations, it can get really messy really fast. People seem to always forget that the family is full of individuals who have different life experiences, different opinions (and the list can go on and on), and how these differences can lead to tension.”

So is it ever a good idea to make a “code of conduct” for family members to abide by during the holidays? “I am a full believer in ‘My House, My Rules’ and feel like it’s important to respect your boundaries and your peace when people enter your safe space [i.e. your home], even if they are family members,” Olivia told Bored Panda. “Now, I think setting boundaries and sharing what makes you uncomfortable is one thing, but demanding a ‘Code of Conduct’ be respected in someone else’s home is another.”

“In the case that OP presented, it didn’t seem to give the feeling of wanting to protect peace or share what things could make the entire experience more comfortable on the sister’s part, but demanding OP put rules into her home that she did not agree with,” the therapist pointed out. “And even with the best intentions, expecting people to agree with your rules and then calling them ungrateful and stubborn is a step too far.”

“Knowing and respecting your boundaries will leave you feeling better after spending time with the family”

Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)

But Olivia says that it may be important to set basic boundaries with your family that you want them to respect. “For example, when the sister mentioned not speaking about politics, I think that’s totally fair. But if you want more rules, like what people wear or where people will sit (as the OP’s sister did), then host the event yourself. Because then it’s YOUR house and YOUR rules,” she added.

The psychologist also shared some recommendations for surviving the holiday season with minimal drama. “Know what your personal boundaries are, know who in your family you feel supported by, and have an escape plan [if necessary]. I think a lot of people are going to be feeling tension (or even fear) this holiday season, so I feel that it’s more important than ever to check in with your own needs and boundaries,” Olivia says.

“That doesn’t mean you have to share them with anyone else, but to understand for yourself that, for example, if Uncle Bill starts talking about Planned Parenthood, you need to excuse yourself or try to politely change the topic,” she explained. “Knowing and respecting your boundaries will leave you feeling better after spending time with the family, and is kind of the only way to protect yourself and your peace.”

Olivia also recommends having a list of safe conversation topics at the ready for when you’re around family. “This will make pivoting the conversation away from anything inappropriate easier (and means less space for others to try to fill with potentially inappropriate topics),” the expert noted. And if you want to find even more tips from Olivia on this topic, she has an entire post about it on her site right here.

We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Do you think it’s fair to ask family members to follow a “code of conduct” on Thanksgiving? Then, if you’re interested in reading another article featuring family drama during the holidays, we recommend checking out this one next!

Some readers supported the woman for standing her ground

However, others thought that it was unfair for her to cancel Thanksgiving

And some provided advice on how to prevent drama during family gatherings

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